2008-03-05, 21:54 | Link #2021 | |||
Vividly Vivio
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I like the first/third person POV you have going on. How it's following Fate and her thoughts but is still third person. Nanoha being called "Princess" as a title instead of just by Fate made me smile. It's interesting. One thing, a few commas may help out. Quote:
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Fate seems to be sexually frustrated. From all her comments and actions, I wouldn't be surprised if she was in the porno business to make ends meet But she actively thinks bad about everyone, leading me to believe she really does need to get laid, or at least get herself off in an elegant manner. Princess's father doesn't like Fate :3 That will be great later. But Nanoha admitted to sneaking out. Now I'm looking forward to Nanoha sneaking out in hopes to see Fate again. It seems as if Nanoha in this story is really quiet, which I like. But she also seems to be drawn to danger. Perhaps she secretly ( not even herself knowing) wants Fate to advance on her? I look forward to the next part! Come on Jimmy a little more detail and advice would help ^^ could you point out a few and offer some better word choices? Edit: I claim this page in the name of Landscaping!Fate
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2008-03-05, 22:07 | Link #2022 | ||||||||||||||||||
Mistress of Impatience
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In a place of extremes. From below freezing to above boiling.
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NANDA KOREGAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
I can't be exhausted for one evening and sleep through it because backlog pops up IN THE FF THREAD?!?! What has the world come to? Quote:
Sata-chan hasn't lost her/his touch at page claiming huh? Quote:
Sorry, had to do it Quote:
Excellent ~ Quote:
btw Vivio will kick butt if Signum is her mentor Quote:
There are FOUR Kerokos here (That's right, 4 ) Keroko-chan: SHE is the female OC Keroko-kun: HE is the male OC (That's right, Keroko-kun is an OC too ) Here is his profile Keroko-kun: HE is the forum member and one most respected in Outer Cadia, our home (Well, we all respect each other but you know what I mean ) He's currently taken the job of H4XXBuster over there Keroko-tan (Pointed out and description by USB-kun): A mini-me version of Keroko-chan, whose job is nothing but being a moving beacon Ion Cannon Breaker. Is loyal to Kane's cause (and rumoured to have feeling towards him). Very cute to the point everybody will get instant diabetes just by looking at her fluffs. Quote:
Keroko-chan day/week much? Or dimply in general? Quote:
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You would do good in Outer Cadia Of course you don't () It indeed was Quote:
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Coming up with Frieda's and yurilover sister's story much? *RUNS AT LUDICROUS SPEED* Quote:
Will be waiting Quote:
Who can ever resist? Quote:
Creator-tan: *Snaps fingers* Girls: *Protect Goose from bluntshooters* Creator-tan: It's okay, it's okay
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Last edited by Fuyu no Sora; 2008-03-05 at 22:46. |
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2008-03-05, 22:19 | Link #2023 | |||||
Floater
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Frosty Hill
Age: 36
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Thanks Satashi for pointing out the errors. I kind of just pounded this one out quick without doing much of a read trough.
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"I AM THE LAWN QUEEN!" |
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2008-03-05, 22:27 | Link #2024 | |||
*facepalm.jpg*
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A mini-me version of Keroko-chan, whose job is nothing but being a moving beacon Ion Cannon Breaker. Is loyal to Kane's cause (and rumoured to have feeling towards him). Very cute to the point everybody will get instant diabetes just by looking at her fluffs. Quote:
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My mental broke down at this imagination. |
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2008-03-05, 22:35 | Link #2025 | |
Mistress of Impatience
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In a place of extremes. From below freezing to above boiling.
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I CLEAN FORGOT KEROKO-TAN!!!!!!!!! Oh GOD! I can only hope Kane won't throw her on me.... MY APOLOGIESSS!!!!! *RUNS anyway* [Saint X] We'll be awaiting your return...[/Saint X]
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2008-03-05, 22:51 | Link #2026 | ||
Master of the Shiny Crack
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On that note (The one about my maturity level) Quote:
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2008-03-05, 23:22 | Link #2027 |
Black Dragon
Graphic Designer
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: In the Netherrealm, thinking who to betray next...
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Hey people, What are you doing? Having fun without me?
My doujinshi is going very good, the vacations of "Semana Santa" are coming and I will have a lot of time to make it! Well, at least the cover (or front?) is over lol Thanks for your message Satashi, don't worry, those coments only make me do my draws better |
2008-03-06, 00:48 | Link #2028 | |
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2008-03-06, 02:58 | Link #2029 | |
potato
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Oh, and I forgot to to quote it, but "and wear shorter skirts!" just had me cracking up. I think it's little snide comments like that which really make and accentuate the character. Keep the funnies going Junked :3 Oh, and thanks for the PM too. I'm glad you still like the story and appreciate the detail. I'm taking on board everything else you said too so hopefully you'll like the next one. ~ |
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2008-03-06, 03:30 | Link #2030 | |
~ I Do ~
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: In the XV-8A Spartan "00"
Age: 38
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But for Kerokanon to be OG, I'll third it because its worth it. *makes changes*
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2008-03-06, 04:20 | Link #2031 | |
sitting on NxF bench
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: From where the pretzel comes
Age: 33
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otherwise I don't know what sandings mean again a great chapter |
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2008-03-06, 05:11 | Link #2032 | |||
Adeptus Animus
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Age: 36
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Also, I'm planning to refer to Keroko-kun OC as Kerokun, to avoid confusion like this. Generally. Keroko-chan day was just one example. Quote:
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As for Keroko-tan... Keroko-tan: *sitting curled up in a corner, an aura of gloom surounding her while she's crying* Huuu~! Fuyu-chan forgot about meee! |
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2008-03-06, 08:23 | Link #2034 | |
Floater
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Frosty Hill
Age: 36
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Anyways Mr. Takamachi is the kind of guy that will milk as much as he can out of his investments. It's something his family line has always done, so in order to keep his money where it belongs he'll try to screw over people as much as he can. Him trying to get free service out of Fate's company is nothing new (probably why the old company left). |
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2008-03-06, 12:33 | Link #2035 | |||
Sleep beneath the flowers
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Lording above all of humanity >;3
Age: 34
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The reactions to Swords(wo)man Vivio pleases me greatly.
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I just had a total WarCraft 3 flashback there. @Satashi-sama: gib rarz?
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2008-03-06, 13:00 | Link #2037 | ||
Fading in-between
Join Date: Jul 2007
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I must visualise this more... Quote:
I decided to rewrite these and currently unknown number of following scenarios, so today's are a bit later than normal. Spoiler for Scenarios 32, 33 & 34:
Tomorrow, we'll have long explanation scenario of Selshin magics. (About 20% of the full content though. *selfpalms*) Spoiler for Just in case:
Edit: Fate is Fate-chan to Hayate. Missed that one Edit2: Plothole found and plugged. Minor though and doesn't really effect anything. Last edited by Sam the Onion; 2008-03-06 at 14:34. |
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authorshipping, befriending, fanfiction, interactive fanfiction, nanoha |
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