Dating

[Habhome]

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

Perhaps it isn't physical danger, but I've been hearing quite often lately about scammers based in Africa that prowl social media and dating sites, earn the trust of their 'prospective lover' and somehow convince them to send money overseas. Now, I don't know who is naive enough to do this but apparently for some people desperation for love creates an entirely irrational mindset.

I really wonder who'd fall for that, I'd never pay the tickets for someone I've never met before. With my GF I have now though t's another thing, since we have met in real life several times so I know she's for real and not a con artist.

But it is something to keep in mind to never fall for. For no reason whatsoever should you pay the ticket for the other person before you have met at least once or twice.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Seitsuki

No kidding. I guess the internet does offer you anonymity, which allows you to express yourself more freely than if it was in real life but that same anonymity and uncertainty means that there are many people who will try and take advantage. It depends on your luck i guess ^^;

Actually, even people I know in real life tend to be more open about themselves online.

And if the person isn't quite sure what they think about something, the slower pace of most online communication can give them time to think it over. First time I confessed to a girl I did it in person, but I actually had to wait until the next e-mail she sent me to get her real thoughts on the matter were. She wasn't really in a mental state to answer me in person because I shocked her pretty badly.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

First time I confessed to a girl I did it in person, but I actually had to wait until the next e-mail she sent me to get her real thoughts on the matter were. She wasn't really in a mental state to answer me in person because I shocked her pretty badly.

Eh? Scare her much. I'd understand if they were taken aback, but shocked? So how'd it pan out?

[Animelover#1]

yeah, i'm curious too. Hit me with it.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Harufox

Eh? Scare her much. I'd understand if they were taken aback, but shocked? So how'd it pan out?

I wouldn't say she was scared, but she was nervous. As it turns out, she thought I wanted an immediate response and she wasn't prepared for that, since we barely knew each other yet at the time. I basically told her not to worry about it for the moment, which seemed to do the trick since we've seen each other on a fairly regular basis since.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

I wouldn't say she was scared, but she was nervous. As it turns out, she thought I wanted an immediate response and she wasn't prepared for that, since we barely knew each other yet at the time. I basically told her not to worry about it for the moment, which seemed to do the trick since we've seen each other on a fairly regular basis since.

All's well that ends well, I suppose.

[RadiantBeam]

Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

[psycho_luny]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

i would say to get them of your back at leat for a while. lie and say that you've recently started seeïng someone. don't make it complicated, to much details are hard to remember.

[Habhome]

I'd definitely not follow psycho's advice. Lying wouldn't solve it since they'd try and get information out of you. I'd just tell them what you said here, that you're not interested at the moment. And if they can't accept that and stop bothering you then they need to re-think some of their values I'd say.

[hinakatbklyn]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

Originally Posted by psycho_luny

i would say to get them of your back at leat for a while. lie and say that you've recently started seeïng someone. don't make it complicated, to much details are hard to remember.

There's no beating around the bush here. Really only 2 options here. If you decide to fib, as long as they don't push the subject it should be OK. Just be ready for an alternate plan if they ask too many questions (or maybe having a few more friends would help).

The other option (honesty) is likely more difficult. I don't think they would have a problem since you just started living on your own. If they don't agree with it and you decide that you're not interested in a relationship, be ready to defend your choice.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

Habhome has the right idea here, to be sure. Just be direct about saying you don't have any interest at the moment. They don't really need to get a reason why or any more explanation than that, and actually trying to justify it may just lead to them trying to reason you out of your position if they're really that persistent.

It's annoying, but the fact of the matter is that you're at an age where you're expected to be dating rather actively. That's all well and good, but it's far from necessary, and not relevant at all if it's not something you wanted. It'd be another thing entirely if you had interest but weren't pursuing it, so you may have to really emphasize the point that you're just not feeling it.

Again, as Habhome said, if they don't accept that, that's there problem, but either way you shouldn't have to have the conversation with them over and over.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by psycho_luny

i would say to get them of your back at leat for a while. lie and say that you've recently started seeïng someone. don't make it complicated, to much details are hard to remember.

I'd really rather not do that. I have a bad track record of lying to my parents (I can never keep a straight face when I lie), and besides, I just don't like lying to them, period. I'd much rather just come out and tell them I'm not interested in dating right now instead of lying to them, especially my grandfather. He's old, and he worries about me a lot.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I'd really rather not do that. I have a bad track record of lying to my parents (I can never keep a straight face when I lie), and besides, I just don't like lying to them, period. I'd much rather just come out and tell them I'm not interested in dating right now instead of lying to them, especially my grandfather. He's old, and he worries about me a lot.

Okay, I'm not a particularly honest person around my own parents (they still don't know I'm dating someone, but technically I'm electing not to share and they haven't asked. I also found out the hard way how pissed off they'd get once I switched from Optus to Virgin out of my own pocket ), but if you're really sure about your decision, then tell them and stand ground on it. You have a valid reason; your GPA is more important than your...(this is gonna sound cheesy) DPM (Dates per Month)...I know, cheesy...>.>

[DragoZERO]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

Thank them for their support but tell them you don't want to hear it right now. Emphasize the right now, as in, there will be a time when you will want help because you will want a relationship. Otherwise they will never stop...never.

[synaesthetic]

Just tell them your school, your career and your entire future are your numbers one, two and three priorities right now, with boys as a distant fourth.

If they don't stop harassing you after that, then you may have problems of the parents-wanting-grandkids variety...

[Animelover#1]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

Just tell them your school, your career and your entire future are your numbers one, two and three priorities right now, with boys as a distant fourth.

If they don't stop harassing you after that, then you may have problems of the parents-wanting-grandkids variety...

Oh dear ;(

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

If they don't stop harassing you after that, then you may have problems of the parents-wanting-grandkids variety...

Ugh.... >>;;;;;

Though in a way, when I look at the situation I can understand their concerns. All of my cousins except for one are married, and my sister has a boyfriend right now that she's been with for some time. So right now I'm kind of the odd one out as far as relationships go.

[Kafriel]

Having the exact same problem and three brothers who are dating various girls all the time, I tell them I'm using all of my focus on university, having a girlfriend would distract me and send me off track (and I'm already a year behind), so they never asked me about it ever since
Note that although there's truth in what I said, it doesn't completely reflect my own opinion, meaning I wouldn't mind a relationship, but am not in a position for one I would like. Which is pretty much your situation as well...telling them not to ask about it right now may bring them back a few months later asking the same thing, so stating the "till whenever" would be a wise choice. Unlike me, you're three years younger and have already had some sort of relationship in the past, so they shouldn't think about it for too long and let you decide on your own.
As for me, I feel there's no need to rush into a relationship, and I'm not looking for random encounters; love will knock on my door someday, and if I got free time later I might as well come knocking back :P

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?

Hit on me then. I am a cute single g- *gets slapped by the other female forum members*

To be serious, if your indicated age is your real age at 18, I would say that you work your way through college first before considering a serious relationship. I never had a girlfriend in my entire life despite being 21, and I feel that it would be best to wait and flesh out your career first. It doesn't exactly matter how others think about your future, it is yours after all.

There are times in life which you have to ignore your family members, but don't push it too far until it strains family relationships. At your age, it would be good to learn and gauge the limits of doing this so you won't have issues with estrangement later in life.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Hit on me then. I am a cute single g- *gets slapped by the other female forum members*

Why do I get the feeling that the last word should have been "girl"?