EMDAS 2011 - February (Origins) Competition Page

[Hiroi Sekai]

Welcome to the February EMDAS Writing Competition!(Rules - READ FIRST!)
Theme: Origin!

"In the beginning was the Word..."
(The Holy Bible, John 1:1-3)

This month's theme is "Origin"! To commemorate the origin and birth of this new competition, write an entry about origin. This can apply to anything like birth, creation, beginnings, etc. The exempt above is a good example, as it refers to the "origin" of the world/life.

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Phase 1: Entries! (February 1-14)

For the first two weeks of the competition, all entrants may post their draft entries on this page and receive suggestions and criticism without any consequences. Nothing posted during this entry period will be taken as your final entry. Constant posting of small edits and similar drafts are frowned against, as it clutters up the pages and gets in the way of other entries.

By 11:59:59 PM of February 14th, you must post your final entry on this page with the words: "Final Entry" included in large bold letters included after your entry. If you've already posted a draft and edited it from there, please re-post your final entry as a new post. This makes it easier to find and organize.
The time zone being used here is Pacific Standard Time (PST). Use this counter to see how much time you have left.

This will become your entry for the month, and can no longer be edited - no exceptions! Be very sure to proofread and edit your entry completely before taking this final step. To emphasize, only write Final Entry on your piece once you're 100% sure it is perfect. Once you write those bold words on your project, your entry will be taken "as is" at that point and no further editing will be allowed.

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Phase 2: Voting! (February 15-24)
CURRENT PHASE! CHECK ALL ENTRIES BELOW, AND MAKE YOUR VOTE!

After the final entries have been submitted, all non-entrants may read over and vote on their favourite entry. Entrants may not vote, especially with the one vote/person rule in place. Anybody who votes more than once will have all of their votes removed.

There will also be no comments involving attempts to coax the votes in somebody's favour, as making such comments will remove your votes or (should it be an entrant who does so) entry from the competition. We want this to stay fair for everybody.

When voting, please write down the username of the entrant and the title of their entry, like so:

[QUOTE]Harper Lee: "To Kill a Mockingbird"

Like the entry phase, all votes must be posted before 11:59:59 PM PST of February 24. Any voting after that will be void. (Phase 2 Counter)

Also, if you want to make your votes privately, simply send a private message to my inbox with your votes and they will be added during the tallying phase.

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Phase 3: Tallying and Evaluation (February 24-25)

This phase is for the users who are involved with the management of the competition. In this timespan, the votes will be tallied, entries double-checked, and violations will be sorted.

During this period, you are welcome to post and share comments about the entries. Any votes or new entries at this point will not be accepted. [/URL]

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Final Phase: Results (February 25)

Final results for the month's competition will be posted at the stroke of midnight - 3 nights before the end of the month. The winner then has the next few days to decide on the next theme. (Results Counter), (End of Month Counter)

Good luck to everyone, and good luck in the first EMDAS competition!

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The Entries! (Direct links posted to stay within word count limit.)

Spoiler for shelter - Run With Me:

http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...8&postcount=75

Spoiler for papermario13689 - Genesis II:

http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...0&postcount=76

Spoiler for felix - Emperor of One:

http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...96&postcount=2

Spoiler for wassupimviet - Playing at Purpose:

http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...4&postcount=28

Spoiler for lordshadowisle - Origin Story:

http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...8&postcount=81

Spoiler for "The_Seth - Teddy" (Sent via PM):

In the beginning there was...Teddy.

Teddy was a very shiny stuffed bear. He was baught by a man with a smile on his face and a woman with a very big tummy.
Teddy had a feeling that he was bought for a special purpose, a purpose that would see him experience one of the greatest wonders of the world.

It wasn't long before Teddy met his special purpose, through the miricle of birth Teddy was now a friend of Baby Boy.

Teddy was always with Baby Boy. Teddy was there for Baby Boys first tooth, Teddy would become chew toy for Baby Boy as he cried in pain.
Teddy was witness to Baby Boy learning to crawl, it was ofcourse to get Teddy to chew on.
After a tantrum or two Teddy was witness to Baby Boys first steps, which resulted in Teddy becoming a cushion for Baby Boy to fall on.
Teddy was even lucky enough to becoming Baby Boys first word, Mum and Dad where very jealous.

Time would slowly pass, and Teddy was as happy as could be. He went with Baby Boy to playschool where they made friends and learnt to paint with their fingers, or in Teddy's case his face. It was at that time that Teddy realised Baby Boy was no longer, he was now Boy.

Boy would grow to greatly enjoy playschool, sometimes even getting so excited that he would forget to take Teddy, but a few minutes later Teddy would always hear the car return home, and the cries and quick footsteps of Boy running to get him. Teddy hoped these days never end.

A year of playschool would pass, and Teddy had become anxious as Boy was starting school. It wasn't that Teddy was fearing being forgotten, but rather that he wouldn't always be there for Boy. But teddy was put to ease as he went to the first day of school with Boy, Teddy watched on as Boy attempted reading, counting and telling stories.

Time moved quickly after this, Teddy was always there for Boy after school, listening to Boy talk about his day, helping him read and count, Teddy even meet Boys friend's. Teddy was very happy, no matter how much Boy grew he always had a spot in his life for Teddy.

Until oneday, Boy had a different kind of friend over to play after school one day, a Girl. Teddy did not like the look of Girl, she didn't seem to be very fun to play with, and she commanded every moment of Boys attention. Boy seemed to be under some kind of spell and Teddy could do nothing. Teddy watched on in horror as Boy and Girl sat on Boys bed, looking into each other's eyes, their faces moving towards each other slowly, Teddy wanted to scream out and warn Boy that Girl was trying to headbutt him!

But it was already too late, their heads had met. Teddy was struck with fear, he knew that Boy was no longer Boy, he had become something far more dangerous and evil. Boy had become, Boy in Puberty!

The world inverted, Boy in Puberty was growing overnight, his voice was squeaking and gradually getting deeper, and red spots began to appear on his face. Boy in Puberty stopped playing with Teddy, rather he placed Teddy on his desk close to his new computer.
It was in this place that Teddy watched everything that was familiar be wiped away by bigger beds, posters of angry looking people standing like the handicapped, and music was being played constantly. And it was definately not 'Ring around the Rosy' which used to be Teddys favourite song. It was now music about feeling's, and everyday situations. Teddy would curse this music.

Boy in Puberty still talked to Teddy but it was mostly about girl's, car's, money and how he had a lacking of all of them. Teddy also had to watch Boy in Puberty play very violent and foul games on his computer, whilst occasionly seeing Mum and Dad peer into the room just to see what all the noise was. They where almost as confused as Teddy was, but they still seemed to smile, almost as if they where remembering a time long ago. Such strange people Mum and Dad where.

After a few very long years, Teddy was getting a grasp on Boy in Puberty's emotions, it seemed that Boy in Puberty was starting to calm down.
He had a firm footing on the world, he acquired a part time job, he had started driving around with Dad, and had a very embarrassing conversation with Mum about something that likened to tango.
Teddy had no idea what they where saying but Teddy would sigh in relief, Boy in Puberty was no more, he was now Boy in Adolescence.


Boy in Adolescence was much easier to get along with, the posters on the wall's where now of drawings, advanced maths and even some poetry. Boy in Adolescence started working harder and his friends started to come by more often, but it wasn't just boy's, it was girl's too.
And they all watched movies together and laughed out aloud. Boy in Adolescence even began a deep and meaningfull realtionship with Girl from all thoes years ago, they studied together a lot, watched movies together, and on one night when Mum and Dad where away they disapeared into Mum and Dads room for the night. Teddy wasn't sure what they did in there but it must have had something to do with all the late night computer searches that Boy in Adolescence was into.

Time moved by very carelessly over the next few years, Boy in Adolescence spent less and less time with Teddy, and more and more time working and studying. Boy in Adolescence must have been very tired as Teddy saw him come home very late one night being barely able to stand. Mum and Dad where waiting for him with stern looks on their face's, and a bucket. Boy in Adolescence was very sick the next day, Teddy was very worried but Mum and Dad where laughing in the hallway, he would be ok.

Not before long Boy in Adolescence would manage to finish school, buy a car with the help of Mum and Dad and get a new better paying job. Teddy watched Boy in Adolescence work hard and have lot's of fun with his friend's, and especially Girl. It seemed that Boy in Adolescence and Girl where planning to go somewhere far away where they could learn very difficult thing's. This place was called University. Teddy had heard Mum and Dad discussing University, it would mean that Boy in Adolescence would be moving out from home and he would only come back very rarely. Teddy had become afraid, was it possible that Teddy and Boy in Adolescence where going to part ways?

Teddy had been with Boy in Adolescence since day one. He had watched him grow from a crawling, crying Baby Boy, to a fun and excited Boy, to a scary and evil Boy in Puberty, and then to smart and caring Boy in Adolescence. And no matter what Teddy was always talked to, patted on the head, smiled at whenever he was looked at, after all boy's need their teddies.

However the day would finally come. Boy in Adolescence had packed up his room into a few boxes, some of which where loaded into the back of his car, Girl was there talking with Mum and Dad, telling them that they had bought a mobile phone and would always be in touch.
Mum was so happy that she could bearly stop the tears from flowing, Dad was standing tall and proud, laughing as he watched his son come back into the house for the last time.
Dad shook Boy in Adolescence's hand, he told him that he was very proud, Mum began to cry. She told her son that she would call every day, and that if he ever needed anything they would always be there. Boy in Adolescence looked very happy, and very strong.
That was until he glanced over into his old room, where Teddy sat silently on the desk. A small tear formed in his eye.
He slowly walked over to Teddy, Mum, Dad and Girl watched on. Boy in Adolescence picked up Teddy and held him close, with a single tear running down his face he said to Teddy.

'You've always been there for me, you never judged me, you always listened, you always smiled, you are the best friend a boy could ever have.
I will miss you Teddy.'

Teddy was placed back down on the desk and watched Boy in Adolescence wipe the tear from his face, turn around and walk away.
Teddy's work was done, the Boy in Adolescence is no more, he was now a Man.

[felix]

Emperor of One

Origins, File 1

"The year is 39 PA (Post Apocalypse), current time 11:32 AM. My name is Kouta Kurou, I am a student here at very average and plain Kyu Kyoto North Highschool (KKN). There's not much to brag about this shabby place other then delinquents, rumors and its age. To be perfectly honest, I'm surprised it's even standing after the great war. The architect must have been some sort of paranoid maniac—"

Kou	"Um— TEACHER!"
Teacher	"What is it Mr. Kurou?" the teacher responds firmly while still glancing at his newspaper
Kou	"I was just wondering. Does writing this crap actually count for our grade?"
Teacher	"Hhm hm—" the teacher chuckled "Judging by your legendary progress of dropping three years in a row at that previous place before honoring us with your presence, I in your position would try even adding the zeros and praises in hopes of maybe passing." replied the teacher with a smirk on his face, "Now sit down and get back to work! And next time you add crap to a sentence I'll feed you to the class piranha."

As he glanced back down at the newspaper the rest of the class directed their attention back at the assignment. All but one Mao Manami, who continued to give Kou the cold stare as he took his seat.

Mao	"You idiot." she whispered as she turned her head back onto her paper

Kouta was left with a depressed look on his face, took his pen and continued writing: "And this is another glorious day in the life of me. Yet again I've been scolded by the teacher for asking a perfectly legitimate question; I just have no luck." Kou sighed "Before coming to this place I was a student at... another school which shall remain secret. Because of unforeseen circumstances beyond my control I've ended dropping three years in a row. It was sad leaving the few friends I still had there behind but I couldn't bear the looks and rumors anymore, so I transfered to KKN in the hopes of starting anew. It's been one month since I transfered here and I've somehow managed to fit in. It was good fortune my super crappy attempt at kansai-ben earned me some humor points with everyone, otherwise things would have been bleak." Kou sighed again, looking towards the rest of class 0-N.

Mao kicks Koutas chair, planting Kouta face first onto his desk. As Kouta pulls himself up he takes a short glance over his shoulders at Mao and continues writing. "My seat is in the left furthers most corner of the class, near the window. The classroom is towards the sun and there are no trees nearby so the rest of the row is empty. The hole building is like a tower I'm trapped in, literally. Most of of the class has positioned themselves on the left side in the shade. The teachers don't seem to mind. Basically, I'm isolated… well, almost" Kouta frowns as he looks at a reflection of Mao in the window "behind me is Mao, our class— nono, our schools! eccentric, egoistic, self centered PE maniac! For whatever reason she insists she must stay near the window. Her record of arguing with teachers is even worse then mine." Kouta writes quickly as he leans towards his desk and paper "Every day since I came here she's given me the same look. Like its my fault the teachers told me to sit in front of her. To make it worse she has this voice problem. She apparently is too lazy or cool to speak with anything more then a calm voice or whisper. She even has some kind of medical nonsense to make the teachers accept it. Because of that I have to repeat everything she says each time one of the geezers asks her something. Probably why those bastards put me near her to begin with—"

Teacher	"Ohoho. And who might these bastards be Mr. Kurou" the teacher asks as he slams a ruler between Koutas fingers
Kou	(Damn you eagle eye bastard!) he whispered to himself while still glancing down
Teacher	"After school, come see me." the teacher said in a low but sharp voice, before slowly looking over the class "Ok, shows over, the lot of you get back to work!"

The time is 1:49 PM. Kou arrives at Mr. Rei Katashis office. The scent of tobacco greets him at the door; the inside a big mess of papers, flour pots and cigarettes. Even though called a office there's just a chair and a table and mountains of various student papers everywhere.

Rei	"DONT you know how to KNOCK?" he shouts at Kou while lifting his eyes from the newspaper.
Kou	"Um—" confused he takes a few steps back and tries to turn around
Rei	"Wait— Just come here and sit down."
Kou	"Yes— Katashi-sensei…"
Rei	"<Your Majesty> will do."

Kou frowns and pretends he didn't hear.

Rei	"Haha— I'm just joking kid." the teacher laughed "Anyway, to business. How much do you know about the girl Mao?"
Kou	(What's this all of a sudden?) Kou pondered avoiding eye contact, "Um— aside from the fact she has excellent grades in PE, attends the archery club, kendo club… and every other martial arts club… somehow. I— don't really know anything…" Kouta mumbles as he looks down

While looking at the arrangement of the teachers desk Kouta spots a particularity.

Kou	"Could it be you're suspecting her of the murders from last year?" Kou asks with a firm voice
Rei	"Oh— And whatever gave you that stupid idea."
Kou	"On your desk there's a pile of files."
Rei	"I'm a teacher idiot." Rei responds swiftly
Kou	"The top file reads Riku, Ren— she's one of the students that got killed!"
Rei	"Hm?" Rei looks over "Ah, your right, must have picked it up by mistake."
Kou	"What of the other four files, did you pick them by mistake too?" Kou asks giving Rei the stare, a short moment of silence and he adds "The two at the bottom are black so it's probably a teachers file. I heard two teachers were murdered last year; even if one of them is your file, they can't be both yours… Mr. Katashi." before Rei can respond, Kou adds "I thought I heard you quit the force last summer due to a unrecoverable leg injury?" and stares at Rei

A deep silence covers the room.

Rei

"Heh— thought huh." Rei catches his breath for a moment, "I didn't quit the force, this is just a extended vacation. My leg will heal but the process takes several years, so I just took this as a part time job; beats sitting at a desk doing everyone elses paper work." Rei gigles, raising his finger "And after the incidents this school was in due need of personnel so you can think of my presence here as— charity work.", as he sights he then adds "—but, yes that's right the files are of the victims, however you got some facts wrong KID." Rei smirks as he grabs a cigar "…the murders didn't happen last year! not all of them. Only the girl Ren was murdered last year, the others happened the year before." Rei pauses as he lights his cigar, "I'm not even from this district you know, though my friends here told me the two cases were considered to be distinct and currently they are both closed, for some reason or another. So you can stop worrying your little head."

Kou seems to want to reply, but keeps silent.

Rei	"Anyway kid… don't get the wrong idea, I didn't call you to solve the murder or chase Kanibal" he scorns at Kou, showing him the newspaper

As Kou glances down at the newspaper the title reads: "Kanibal on a Rampage!", The article seems to be a interview with Col. Bearwolf, leading Arm forces. On the right a big picture of the monster, Kou can't help but stare. Blindfolded skull for a head, teeth of a demon, horns of a goat, purple cloak with ominous eyes drawn on it, sleeves ripped off, arms made of what looks like muscle and steel with no skin attached, chains for braces, claws for nails, and skull boots up to his knees. And to top that a tail. Kou is a little intrigued but adverts his eye from it after a moment.

Kou	"So whats this business then?"
Rei	"Follow Mao"

Kou gives him a strange look but doesn't respond back.

Rei	"Look it's not lik—"
Kou	"Just follow? —so what's in it for me?"
Rei	as Rei puts out his cigar he adds "And write a report. If you do that I'll make sure you get a passing grade— Deal?"
Kou	after a short pause, "Fine— Deal"
Rei	"You're not going to interrogate me on why—"
Kou	"It's none of my business."

Kou leaves the office.

Kou	(And with that defensive talk of yours probably not safe to ask.)

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1,498 words, according to this site.

I couldn't fit more then the prolog in the limit. Fail. I'll continue next contest…

Status Final Draft.

Changelog:
1.0.0 — initial draft
1.1.0 — title update (given the word limit might as well use it to hint as much as possible)
1.2.1 — edit 1 + title tweak + lots of rephrasing
1.2.2 — edit 2 + zebra's corrections + setting for Rei's office
1.2.3 — typos

[Hiroi Sekai]

A test! A test of "origin"ality, I say! Needed something creative to start things off.

[Melpomene]

That pun... made me physically in pain. You should be ashamed of yourself. Your puns are worse than my uncle.

[Hiroi Sekai]

Originally Posted by Ruri Gokou

That pun... made me physically in pain.

Then my goal is accomplished. FEAR MY PUNS.

[Melpomene]

I am definitely afraid! I almost didn't catch it at first. Then when I did I literally went: "Ow" Good work on this competition by the way. It adds variety to the forums.

[Hiroi Sekai]

Originally Posted by Ruri Gokou

I am definitely afraid! I almost didn't catch it at first. Then when I did I literally went: "Ow" Good work on this competition by the way. It adds variety to the forums.

Muhahah! Subtle, yet frightening. The puns...I can't keep them out. GET THEM OUT OF MY HEAD O_O

*ahem* Ah yes, thank you. It doesn't really start until tomorrow, so I've been keeping myself stupidly busy today with other things to keep my mind from thinking up an entry.

[Melpomene]

I've got my eye on you and your assassin puns. Your puns are too deadly to let control you, hold together man!

I look forward to reading and voting on everyones entries. We used to do something like that in my school, but the teachers put an end to it because it was "too distracting."

[milan kyuubi]

@papermario13689 that's very good theme, trough I want be participating in this one (but I'll try to enter the next one )

Btv I created two banners (1,2). You can use them if you want to, that's it if you want banner at all

[Hiroi Sekai]

Originally Posted by Ruri Gokou

I've got my eye on you and your assassin puns. Your puns are too deadly to let control you, hold together man!

I look forward to reading and voting on everyones entries. We used to do something like that in my school, but the teachers put an end to it because it was "too distracting."

N-no! I'm not crazy! I'M NOT CRAZY! *Help me!* XD
I look forward to reading the creative entries as well. It's a shame that your teachers put an end to that, it'd be an excellent method of improving one's confidence and composition skills; I would have loved to have had that at my school.

Originally Posted by milan kyuubi

@papermario13689 that's very good theme, trough I want be participating in this one (but I'll try to enter the next one )

Btv I created two banners (1,2). You can use them if you want to, that's it if you want banner at all

Wow, thank you for the banners! I did already request a banner from Illusore-san, but I'll split the two! I'll use yours on the General Rules/FAQ thread, if that's okay^^

Thanks again for these, they're great! And looking forward to hearing from you next month then

[Melpomene]

It's okay insanity has it's perks *pat pat*

It was really encouraging, though I didn't take part in it. The teachers argued people were reading the entries rather than focusing on their class work. It was a helpful competition I was sorry to see it go.

[Hiroi Sekai]

Originally Posted by Ruri Gokou

It's okay insanity has it's perks *pat pat*

It was really encouraging, though I didn't take part in it. The teachers argued people were reading the entries rather than focusing on their class work. It was a helpful competition I was sorry to see it go.

Heh heh, that's for sure. *goes to commit several crimes and gets off on the plea of insanity*

Hmm, to be honest, I think things like those would have been more beneficial than the by-the-book schoolwork. It's things like this that cause imagination to get lost within the bookwork.


EDIT: Okay, it's struck midnight here, so I officially announce the start of the first EMDAS Competition! Post away, for I shall be working on my own entry.

[felix]

Mario you should use skyscraper banners. As in ones that have height much greater then their width.

You can use the [wl][/wl] or [wr][/wr] tags to place them on the right or left of your text.

[Melpomene]

Originally Posted by papermario13689

Heh heh, that's for sure. *goes to commit several crimes and gets off on the plea of insanity*

Hmm, to be honest, I think things like those would have been more beneficial than the by-the-book schoolwork. It's things like this that cause imagination to get lost within the bookwork.


EDIT: Okay, it's struck midnight here, so I officially announce the start of the first EMDAS Competition! Post away, for I shall be working on my own entry.

The plea of insanity

You are right, and many took it that way. The teachers in my school didn't want the chaos of it all. Thought their efforts to stop the students disrupted the class more.

[milan kyuubi]

Originally Posted by papermario13689

Wow, thank you for the banners! I did already request a banner from Illusore-san, but I'll split the two! I'll use yours on the General Rules/FAQ thread, if that's okay^^

Thanks again for these, they're great! And looking forward to hearing from you next month then

No problem I'll try....

[Hiroi Sekai]

Genesis II

"In the beginning, God created the heavens and the Earth."
Laughing a sick and somewhat desperate laugh, the man crumpled the sacred pages with both of his hands. He looked up to the heavens and exclaimed:

"Created the Earth?! Well then God, you tell me where the hell everybody disappeared to. Is this a sick joke, God? I'm telling you...I'M NOT LAUGHING!"

It had been 7 days now. The worst cycle of monophobia was beginning to rise from within the man, and he had finally broken down on the day of the Sabbath. He had no memories except for the fact that mankind had left him in this cruel world.

"Heh. Hehehehe. HAHAHA!" the man was literally almost in tears at this point.

"You know, it IS somewhat funny! Destroy all of humanity but physically leave the Earth behind...SICK, but funny."

With no options left, the man began to circle the mysterious garden where he had awoke. Lush trees with colourful fruits rose up from every inch, and it was all perfectly edible. The man had been feasting off of the fruit since awakening, but for an unexplainable reason, he would not eat the fruit from the center tree. There was nothing holding him back, but a sharp pain came to him whenever he even considered tasting the oddly shaped delectable.

"Another day of the same food. I can't stand this for much longer, but at least I'm not starving." the man took a bite of one of the fruits, looked at the skies and yelled:

"You hear me, God? I will defeat you and your sick world! You can't bring me down THAT easily!"

And the instant the last word escaped his mouth, the man fell into a state of deep sleep. He slept and he slept, and several hours passed before he awoke again.

"Ah, good. You're awake!"

The man heard it. The voice of a human, but to him, it was the voice of an angel. Turning around, he caught a glimpse of a young woman, standing nude without shame. Within a few seconds, the man cried heavy tears. The woman hunched over and consoled him without a second thought.

"O' great Lord, I thank thee!" he exclaimed.

The woman had no memories of her own, as the man quickly found out. Conversation was almost impossible as there was nothing to reminisce upon and nothing they had in common. Yet they lived in the magical garden, living off of the fruits that seemed to be infinite. But they never dared to touch the fruit from the center tree. It seemed that the woman shared his fear of the middle tree.

Living off of one source of food, nude and not knowing. This continued for several days; the same repetitive thing. The man was sick of it all, and his faith was almost on the brink of destruction. All he wished was to go back to his old lifestyle with his two sons and wife. While alone and deep in thought, the man heard a sinister voice.

"Ssssooo, you want to know what'sssss happened to your world?" slithered the slippery voice.

It was already too late, the man was beyond intrigued. Something about this voice wasn't right, but the seduction of knowledge rendered the man useless.

"Yes, yes! What had happened? How can I return?" he desperately asked.

"The fruitssssss on the tree in the middle. They hold the anssswer you sseeeek. Eat one, and you will know all."

"I don't know...there is something wrong with eating the fruit from that tree." said the man, not having a reason behind his claim.

"It'sssss fine...It'ssssss just sssssome fruit, ssssame as the otherssssss. It'ssssss the only way."

And with that said, the man was convinced. The woman was nowhere in sight, but that didn't matter. Slowly, he made his way to the center tree, and despite the sharp pain he felt, he plucked one of the fruits and took a large bite.


In an instant, it all came back.

"Where have you gone? It's time to eat!" shouted the woman.

With a booming voice, the man yelled: "EVE!"

"E-Eve? Is that...my name?" she shuddered.

"One bite of this fruit and you shall know all."

And without hesitation, she took a bite.

The only word she could tearfully speak a second later was: "ADAM!"

Their memories had returned. Adam and Eve patched together coverings from fig leaves, now ashamed of their nude skin. It was odd, but Adam thought he could hear a sinister laugh slithering away.

"Eve, you remember! You truly...re..mem.."

And with that, the man dropped. Comatose, but not dead.

In shock, the woman began to scream for her husband. "ADAM! A...DA..."

And the woman immediately joined him.

"W-WHA! WHAT IS THIS?!"

A strong jolt awoke the man and he was in the garden, alone. There was nobody in sight, and all he clutched in his hand were the sacred pages of God's word.

"W-where is everyone? Am I the only one?!" he cried.

The wind carried a declaration from the Almighty, and Adam swore he heard it.
"Thou shalt not eat the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil."

[felix]

Some of the verses are really long. And some are broken up; maybe not too good to start a sentence on the same verse?

[Hiroi Sekai]

*Yawn* Good morning, everyone

Yeah, I plan to re-make the entire thing. NEVER write at 3:30 AM...well, if you're sleepy at the time.

Thanks for the the C&C though, it'll help me with my next one.


EDIT: Oh, and I saw your entry - it's quite good but if you're wanting to edit it later on, I would seriously suggest not writing Final Entry on it. You should usually write that when you're completely finished editing and proofreading. Actually, I just read the description at the top and it does seem a little vague...will edit.

[felix]

My schedule is hectic, as strange as it may sound I easily forget things like this. So writing final entry or having my last entry final (unless otherwise specified) is kind of the only way that works. [edit] I've read the opening. Can you elaborate on the reasons for not allowing edits after writing final entry, I'm not really following.

[Hiroi Sekai]

Originally Posted by felix

My schedule is hectic, as strange as it may sound I easily forget things like this. So writing final entry or having my last entry final (unless otherwise specified) is kind of the only way that works. [edit] I've read the opening. Can you elaborate on the reasons for not allowing edits after writing final entry, I'm not really following.

No problem, no problem.

To elaborate, simply post your drafts here without the Final Entry words on your entry. Doing so will allow you to receive C&C on it and also allows editing/proofreading. Once you are 100% certain that it is what you want to submit, add the Final Entry to it. The instant I see it, it is copied word for word as a submission and cannot be further edited. The reason for doing this is so the readers aren't taking an unedited product as "final". The bold Final Entry should only be used to imply that you proofread and actually went back to edit it. Hmm...a good comparison: Imagine an author of a novel. They inform the proofreader/publishers that they are sending them something as a "final, finished project", but hasn't edited or proofread it yet. While they certainly have the ability to change what they wish with this addendum in place, it simply confuses the others who are involved. In this case, the readers/voters. Hopefully that makes sense, sorry if I've confused you.

I noticed a changelog, that is a good idea and is allowed.