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Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 07:55

@ Senpai - You're back! *Glomps* I was worried since you were gone all day.

Anyway, the draft is good

But why would Rito be sent to the German military base? Shouldn't he be in a Japanese Military base? Also, does this mean this is Rito x Laura?

MeisterBabylon · 2011-12-04, 07:58

BANG ZERO! BUONO!

...and the hoyay of ISOC increases again.

Sorry Zero, Spear, i meant to read ur fics, but between anime, wow, and my own fic, I've been struggling to fit everything together... I'll get around to it!

Yes Eras, when I write for a universe, I write BIG. There will be 7 seasons spanning 3.5 years for the ST@RS.

StratoSpear · 2011-12-04, 07:59

YAY ZERO'S BACK!

Also, I published the sequel fic, do take a look when you have the time. ^^

It's all right Meister, take your time!

demino_hellsin · 2011-12-04, 08:02

@zero: didn't read all the way through but you have a great way with words. Just editing on the tenses and I'd say it'll be great.

@era-era: she knows Rong's situation and will explain it to Ichika. Though she will be very nervous of Rong and ask him not to hurt anyone. That's what I'm planning anyway, not sure how that would turn out.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-12-04, 08:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - You're back! *Glomps* I was worried since you were gone all day.

Anyway, the draft is good

But why would Rito be sent to the German military base? Shouldn't he be in a Japanese Military base? Also, does this mean this is Rito x Laura?

Once every year at summer vacation, Rito will be sent to a foreign military camp by his father to undergo training along with other teen/ child soldier (of course none of it is lethal but still...). Various method of training gave him clues how foreign military works.

He just happen to be sent to German at the time, just when German start to open themselves to the world after their Supersoldier project exposed and gaining harsh critic from most country.

At the time Laura is infatuated with Chifuyu, hence why she's a bit more bearable than Canon, it's AFTER Chifuyu left that Laura became an ass that hated Ichika like no tomorrow.

(Oh And Rito also use the same Nanomachine as Laura, only his version is improved by Tabane, weaker but much safer

)

EDIT: no, it's not Rito x Laura, maybe there's some shiptease but they're mostly just vitriolic buddy.

@Demino
Tenses is my least favorite when it comes to English lesson, hence the need for a beta.

Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 08:07

@ Meistah - Is all this just them being idols? Also, how does Maximillian have leave to travel with them considering his position as a teacher?

demino_hellsin · 2011-12-04, 08:07

@zero: but tenses are fun! I remember hearing hilarious stuff from those lessons like "stolening" or "broked" and some other rather fascinating new words

EDIT: Plus it was the easiest to pass as a kid

just add -ed, -ing, or will... I now realize the need to ask myself how the heck did I start writing with this attitude o.O?

Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 08:12

@ Senpai - What about school? Is it just like a summer camp thing?

Side note - Does the VT system negatively affect Laura in any way apart from the whole "absorbing" thing? I need to research before I finish up Laura's arc.

@ demino_hellsin - Then Maya will be nervous as all hell considering what he's done. What does Ring even look like? Maya is also nervous in Shadow but she's somewhat at odds due to Irish's extremely uncanny (effeminate 13-14 year old) looks that makes him seem not as harmful to others.

StratoSpear · 2011-12-04, 08:15

Another scene before I go to bed:

Spoiler for Scene:

ZeroXSEED · 2011-12-04, 08:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - What about school? Is it just like a summer camp thing?

Only during summer and maybe winter vacation, inspired by "Dog Days" XD

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Side note - Does the VT system negatively affect Laura in any way apart from the whole "absorbing" thing? I need to research before I finish up Laura's arc.

Probably traumatic for people with 'heart', Laura was almost heartless and she just have to relearn it (hence why she's falling for Ichika so quickly, it's literal love at first impression). VT system itself is a deconstruction of "Determinator" and "Heart is an Awesome Power", you have to sacrifice your heart and emotion to use it, for massive damage.

demino_hellsin · 2011-12-04, 08:21

@eratas: Well he normally wears only one public face and is only expressive to people he feels at ease with. During his time in HustleBack he was more or less fierce looking, wearing a bit of a scowl all the time. After his time in HustleBack, he's normally expressionless, almost bored even. During his conversation with Chifuyu is an exception, I already said he's experienced with espionage so he was faking his expressions half the time then.

Overall, the face he'd show Ichika and Maya are more along the lines of idiot deadpan.

EDIT:

If you were referring to physical characteristics, he has black hair that's just a little longer than Ichika's and a little wilder too considering some stick up. He has wine-colored eyes. He's a bit thinner than Ichika because of experiences with irregular food intake but that's about it. He looks pretty much like any other guy. I'd give his height at about 170ish cm?

Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 08:26

@ Senpai - So she would lash out if anyone tried to get near her? This will affect the finale since Ichika's the one who tries to be there for her when she's at her worst?

@ demino_hellsin - I meant physical appearance. Like it or not, you're appearance has a factor to how people react to revelations. Don't believe me? Look at a lot of heroes in media who look like they're killers and get distrusted and villains who look like saints who get trusted way easier.

@ Stratos - I'll tell you what I think of it tom.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-12-04, 08:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - So she would lash out if anyone tried to get near her? This will affect the finale since Ichika's the one who tries to be there for her when she's at her worst?

VT system HEIGHTEN the emotion it's user has at the time, Laura was afraid of Ichika and Charless in Canon, hence she went berserk to shoo/ kill him. if it was anger to Ichika that is heightened, then the result might be worse...

in Canon, the process is like:

"He's stronger" => "I'm afraid, need more power" => "Instructor is strong" => "Copying Instructor's power and technique"

Ichika taught her that true strength is born from heart, never consuming it. Chifuyu subtly implied it back when they're still in German, "i'm strong because I have a brother (that I love)". So

"Instuctor is strong" => "because she has someone she loved" = "I need someone I can love" => "he's strong enough and deserved my love"

Twisted I knew, but mitigated by rule of funny.

Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 08:37

@ Senpai - It was mentioned that the VT system would enhance her prowess as a soldier but it ended up failing and making her worst. This caused her to lag behind and resent her fellow shwarzer hase recruits for her weakness and that's when Chifuyu helped her get better. How would she react to Ichika trying to make her feel better?

ZeroXSEED · 2011-12-04, 08:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - It was mentioned that the VT system would enhance her prowess as a soldier but it ended up failing and making her worst.

Not VT system, it was the nanomachines implanted on her eyes. It's supposed to raise her aptitude with I.S. but the experiment failed and reduce it instead. It also caused that one side of the eye look at much higher framerate (slow motion).

Oh and the nanomachines is implanted when she's 10...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

This caused her to lag behind and resent her fellow shwarzer hase recruits for her weakness and that's when Chifuyu helped her get better. How would she react to Ichika trying to make her feel better?

As per my statement above, this could fit if you modify it a little.

Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 08:46

@ Senpai - Eh? Isn't the VT system the same thing as that golden glean in her eye? That's what I assumed at least. If not, I have just screwed myself over and have to make sure to change EVEN MORE of the canon already.

@ demino_hellsin - Still waiting for description.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-12-04, 08:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Senpai - Eh? Isn't the VT system the same thing as that golden glean in her eye?

Nobody even knew that VT system exist in Schwarzer Regen, it was illegally mounted in it's system by the lab (of which Tabane angrily eradicate). The golden eyes is the one that has the nanomachines working, the other eye has them too but they don't work.

(this is why Rito's eyes is described as changed from light brown to gleaming gold when he's threatened, and why His aptitude kicked from C- to B+

)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

That's what I assumed at least. If not, I have just screwed myself over and have to make sure to change EVEN MORE of the canon already.

Well, dunno... then again this is a Daydream so it may or may not be that accurate...

demino_hellsin · 2011-12-04, 08:56

@era-era: Oh I thought you saw the edit

well I'll try to go into more detail.

Rong's hair is longer than most guys would usually wear it. It's long enough to wear into an inch long pony tail but that's about it. It spikes up at some places naturally so it makes him look a bit wild. He has wine-red eyes, they're not all that noticeable unless the light is in his face or if you look carefully or if he's showing them to you on purpose. He's around Ichika's height, slightly thinner due to unstable food intake.

That's about it for his physical description.

Eratas123 · 2011-12-04, 09:00

@ Senpai - Okay, how about this: She already had the nano-machines as a kid but her eye wasn't golden yet. When the VT was implanted, her eye turned gold and she started wearing the eye patch to cover it. Her performance dropped which caused her to resent everyone around her, Ichika kept coaxing her and he started helping her with her training, she starts to get better until she goes back to her usual self, Ichika has to leave Germany with Chifuyu and he tells her to remove her eye patch, She's embarassed but does it anyway which leads to Ichika calling her cute, he gifts her a new knife and she declares it their "engagement ring" and that she's his wife, Ichika agrees and they go to kiss before......blocked!

Is it good? Any suggestions?

@ demino_hellsin - Harder to trust then. He reminds me of Axel from Kingdom hearts and Reno from Final Fantasy 7 and lord knows they don't look easy to trust at all.

MeisterBabylon · 2011-12-04, 09:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@ Meistah - Is all this just them being idols? Also, how does Maximillian have leave to travel with them considering his position as a teacher?

The Copernicus is a wonderful machine...

That and this is when SHOOTiNG ST@RS have become popular. By then their backstage staff would have increased tremendously.

Early in the story, its only just Gin, Erika and the Twin Esquivels as 1 girl group, coordinated by Tsubomi. When you consider there's President Kougami and Satonaka-kun, Pillai and Tsubomi all helping out, plus Shinonono Tabane working things in the background, there's plenty of staff for Season 1 and 2.

Now that I think of it though, the world tour between S1 and S2 is too early; I'll change it to just a Japan tour by HEMISPHERE and KG-P using that chance to promote all 12 idols. The Marvelous World Tour then takes place between S3 and S4 during summer, where the girls are free to literally run everywhere. Also, enough time would have elapsed for KG-P to have built up the 100+ idols billed by the 'game'.

End of Season 4 would be rather dramatic though. Its a time when a lot of newer idols recruited from the higher years graduate from ISA, the Founding 13 become final year seniors themselves, a massive staff reshuffle happens...

...and Maximillan leaves the ISA, and SHOOTiNG ST@RS. Not before he sends the girls off to the new year with a epic [Last Order].

2011-12-04, 07:55	Link #11221
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - You're back! Glomps I was worried since you were gone all day. Anyway, the draft is good But why would Rito be sent to the German military base? Shouldn't he be in a Japanese Military base? Also, does this mean this is Rito x Laura? __________________

2011-12-04, 07:58	Link #11222
MeisterBabylon ~ Your Smile ~ Author Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: 346Pro Age: 38	BANG ZERO! BUONO! ...and the hoyay of ISOC increases again. Sorry Zero, Spear, i meant to read ur fics, but between anime, wow, and my own fic, I've been struggling to fit everything together... I'll get around to it! Yes Eras, when I write for a universe, I write BIG. There will be 7 seasons spanning 3.5 years for the ST@RS. __________________ 白露型駆逐艦の４番艦、夕立です。第三次ソロモン海戦では、けっこう頑張ったっぽい★？

2011-12-04, 07:59	Link #11223
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	YAY ZERO'S BACK! Also, I published the sequel fic, do take a look when you have the time. ^^ It's all right Meister, take your time! __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2011-12-04, 08:07	Link #11226
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Meistah - Is all this just them being idols? Also, how does Maximillian have leave to travel with them considering his position as a teacher? __________________

2011-12-04, 08:12	Link #11228
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - What about school? Is it just like a summer camp thing? Side note - Does the VT system negatively affect Laura in any way apart from the whole "absorbing" thing? I need to research before I finish up Laura's arc. @ demino_hellsin - Then Maya will be nervous as all hell considering what he's done. What does Ring even look like? Maya is also nervous in Shadow but she's somewhat at odds due to Irish's extremely uncanny (effeminate 13-14 year old) looks that makes him seem not as harmful to others. __________________

2011-12-04, 08:02	Link #11224
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	@zero: didn't read all the way through but you have a great way with words. Just editing on the tenses and I'd say it'll be great. @era-era: she knows Rong's situation and will explain it to Ichika. Though she will be very nervous of Rong and ask him not to hurt anyone. That's what I'm planning anyway, not sure how that would turn out.

2011-12-04, 08:07	Link #11227
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	@zero: but tenses are fun! I remember hearing hilarious stuff from those lessons like "stolening" or "broked" and some other rather fascinating new words EDIT: Plus it was the easiest to pass as a kid just add -ed, -ing, or will... I now realize the need to ask myself how the heck did I start writing with this attitude o.O?

2011-12-04, 08:15	Link #11229
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	Another scene before I go to bed: Spoiler for Scene: “So… Cecilia-chan. What brings you here?” “Aaa… Well, I uuh… I just… wanted to visit you two, I really missed everyone when I was back in England.” “We appreciate the visit too, Cecilia. I’ve been missing you and the others all this while…” Tsurugi remarks with a soft smile as she takes another sip of tea. “Then again, where do you live, Inami? I only managed to get hold of Tsurugi’s address but not yours. Figured I should drop by there as well…” Cecilia shyly asks him while trying to keep herself composed. “Well uum, I uuh…” Inami hesitantly speaks, mentally contemplating as to whether he should tell her or not. “If you don’t mind telling me that is… I can understand if you don’t want to.” “No, it’s not that. It’s just…” “Yes?” “…We’re currently in that place.” Cecilia stuns upon hearing his answer, in immense disbelief as her eye twitches. “Interesting.” Says Chelsea as she notices Cecilia’s expression. “…D…Did I just heard that right…?” “Yes, yes you did, Cecilia-chan.” “You’re living… with Tsurugi, under the same roof?” “Yes.” “D-d-does that mean that y-you guys are… Sleeping toge—” “NO!” Inami interrupts her before she finishes an embarrassing remark. “Then… Tsurugi, you’re all right with this?” “Well yes. But we have reasons behind it, Cecilia…” Tsurugi answers. “Reasons…?” Uncertain, Tsurugi looks at Inami with a worried expression. He then nods, gesturing her to disclose their reasons. “Cecilia… I’ll explain the reason. But, you’ll have to promise that you’ll keep it a secret.” Despite her initial uncertainty, Cecilia agrees to the condition and lends a listening ear. “Okay… Go on.” Tsurugi slowly breathes in then slowly heaves a sigh as she begins her explanation. “I’m enrolling in the IS Academy, Cecilia. And Inami… is my personal instructor.” “As you may have seen at the hilltop earlier, I’m currently training her for the enrollment exams, Cecilia-chan…” “Enrolling…? Personal instructor? But… How? It’s already August! Even if it’s during summer break, you’ll have a lot to catch up!” She exclaims with desperation. “Which is why Ina-kun volunteered to be my personal instructor.” “Still, do you have past IS piloting experiences?” “I’m afraid I don’t have any…” “Then we need to get started!” “We’re already working on armor movement with the Minerva Kai…” “Minerva… Kai?” Cecilia questions, shifting the conversation topic. “That’s the name of the machine that you saw earlier.” “I see… So that was the Minerva.” “Heavily-upgraded, yeah.” “In any case… I want to help out with your enrollment as well, Tsurugi!” “Eh? Seriously?” Tsurugi widens her eyes in surprise to Cecilia’s request. “While the Minerva Kai is effective for movement training, I’ll be teaching you stuffs that only IS units have.” “Awesome! Ina-kun, are you up for this?” She looks at Inami with sheer excitement. “Of course!” “Sweet! Then I shall come back tomorrow and start on the lessons!” “All right!” Exclaims Tsurugi, beaming in joy. __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame."

2011-12-04, 08:21	Link #11231
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	@eratas: Well he normally wears only one public face and is only expressive to people he feels at ease with. During his time in HustleBack he was more or less fierce looking, wearing a bit of a scowl all the time. After his time in HustleBack, he's normally expressionless, almost bored even. During his conversation with Chifuyu is an exception, I already said he's experienced with espionage so he was faking his expressions half the time then. Overall, the face he'd show Ichika and Maya are more along the lines of idiot deadpan. EDIT: If you were referring to physical characteristics, he has black hair that's just a little longer than Ichika's and a little wilder too considering some stick up. He has wine-colored eyes. He's a bit thinner than Ichika because of experiences with irregular food intake but that's about it. He looks pretty much like any other guy. I'd give his height at about 170ish cm?

2011-12-04, 08:26	Link #11232
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - So she would lash out if anyone tried to get near her? This will affect the finale since Ichika's the one who tries to be there for her when she's at her worst? @ demino_hellsin - I meant physical appearance. Like it or not, you're appearance has a factor to how people react to revelations. Don't believe me? Look at a lot of heroes in media who look like they're killers and get distrusted and villains who look like saints who get trusted way easier. @ Stratos - I'll tell you what I think of it tom. __________________

2011-12-04, 08:37	Link #11234
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - It was mentioned that the VT system would enhance her prowess as a soldier but it ended up failing and making her worst. This caused her to lag behind and resent her fellow shwarzer hase recruits for her weakness and that's when Chifuyu helped her get better. How would she react to Ichika trying to make her feel better? __________________

2011-12-04, 08:46	Link #11236
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Eh? Isn't the VT system the same thing as that golden glean in her eye? That's what I assumed at least. If not, I have just screwed myself over and have to make sure to change EVEN MORE of the canon already. @ demino_hellsin - Still waiting for description. __________________

2011-12-04, 08:56	Link #11238
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	@era-era: Oh I thought you saw the edit well I'll try to go into more detail. Rong's hair is longer than most guys would usually wear it. It's long enough to wear into an inch long pony tail but that's about it. It spikes up at some places naturally so it makes him look a bit wild. He has wine-red eyes, they're not all that noticeable unless the light is in his face or if you look carefully or if he's showing them to you on purpose. He's around Ichika's height, slightly thinner due to unstable food intake. That's about it for his physical description.

2011-12-04, 09:00	Link #11239
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Senpai - Okay, how about this: She already had the nano-machines as a kid but her eye wasn't golden yet. When the VT was implanted, her eye turned gold and she started wearing the eye patch to cover it. Her performance dropped which caused her to resent everyone around her, Ichika kept coaxing her and he started helping her with her training, she starts to get better until she goes back to her usual self, Ichika has to leave Germany with Chifuyu and he tells her to remove her eye patch, She's embarassed but does it anyway which leads to Ichika calling her cute, he gifts her a new knife and she declares it their "engagement ring" and that she's his wife, Ichika agrees and they go to kiss before......blocked! Is it good? Any suggestions? @ demino_hellsin - Harder to trust then. He reminds me of Axel from Kingdom hearts and Reno from Final Fantasy 7 and lord knows they don't look easy to trust at all. __________________