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Old 2009-03-10, 08:13   Link #281
Sinfully Naomi
Teddytears
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: In that place where the stuff is at.
Age: 21
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Old 2009-03-10, 18:01   Link #282
Shiemi
Counting days
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
Quote:
Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki View Post
Been lurking for a bit and I would like to chime in here.

Cuppy Cake: This is just my opinion so if you want to follow it that's entirely up to you: break up with the guy. There are multiple clues in what you have been presenting to us that indicate that, should you continue this relationship beyond the internet into real life could end up going very bad for you. First of all you said that he was the one that pursued you and then you eventual fell for him. Yet his actions after the fact don't seem to support that. If a guy were genuinely infatuated with another person and wished to engage in a relationship with them getting their ok to be 'together' is only the first step. A relationship is meaningless without communication. This is especially the case with a long-distance one like yours over the internet. A relationship cannot grow without the two talking to one another to learn about each other to see if they are even compatible. Even more so, to be deliberately ignoring you? That there is a red flag that something is up and that he is NOT serious about the relationship. Then stack on the fact that he does offline when you log on makes it look very suspicious, like he's hiding something. Now I cannot speak for everyone but if your romantic other logged on would you disappear offline? No, I doubt it. You'd send them a greeting with haste, saying hello, asking how they are or giving them a 'hug.'

Then there's the jealousy factor. For him to tell you not to communicate with other males is a sign that he possibly has a controlling personality. And not in a good way, mind you. In today's society being friends with members of the same gender as your partner is normal. Very normal. Just because you are friends doesn't mean anything romantic or that they are going to 'steal' you away. Additionally we have the fact that he himself speaks and (possibly) flirts with other females. Yet he gives excuses to make it alright for himself yet won't give you the same opportunity? I fail to see how he has the right to have female friends and you do not have the right to have male friends, let alone conversations. This is another red flag.

Now we have the recent incident you have described about the test. This relates to what I stated above, he's controlling. Sure he apologizes after for what he did and then sweet talks and all that stuff. But what then? Does he continue to pursue you? Does he try to spend more time with you to make up for what he did? Does he try to keep himself from lashing out in such a negative manner again? No, he ignores you. That just shows that what he told you to keep you are all empty words, meaningless. He told you want you wanted to hear, not what he truly feels. It would seem like he only does this to keep you with him on a tight leash, restricting your own freedoms while he goes and does whatever he wishes, regardless of your own feelings on it.

You see it on the news, you read about it in the newspaper and books. These are not good signs for a nurturing, loving relationship. All signs point to something that is being controlled solely by him and could possibly end in you being hurt mentally, if not physically down the line. And there's a chance it won't stop with his heartless apologies and empty sweet talk. Even though they are fictional, the Law & Order series, especially SVU, had numerous cases like this where a woman was in a relationship much like yourself with a similar type of male. Needless to say some were hard to watch with what the women went through only to go back because 'he apologized and promised not to do it again.' And the abuse continued if not worse. I would not like for you to end up in a similar situation. Please look over your relationship with an open mind and not those so-called 'love-goggles.' The clues are there. You just need to open your eyes to the truth. There are many males out there in the world. Don't limit yourself just because you might be in love. Love is a two-way street and if one truly loves another, they won't want to see them hurt and will try their best for the other.
I completely agree with above.

Cuppy Cake, I've been reading what's been going on with you and it reminds me about what happened to me many years ago. My ex was very controlling too ever since we met, yes, through internet. He would find me annoying sometimes and would even block me in his messenger, then unblock me when he felt like it and apologize. He was extremely controlling and unfortunately, I didn't realize what was going on. I was extremely naive.

Without knowing him too well I married him because he was quite quick in putting an engagement ring on my finger. We got engaged after having only been together (in person) for one week. >.< Two years later we got married and the time we spent together in person had been less than three months. Everything else was online and it was always with him getting angry at me for any reason and me crying countless nights. This got worse in marriage and, of course, he couldn't block me then. Our marriage became a nightmare with me running away from home many times in tears and his Okinawan parents making him fetch me and calling him "baka" plenty of times. >.< Everything got worse and worse and yes, he would always apologize after having treated me like trash and even bought me expensive gifts, but this kind of thing becomes very destructive and mines self esteem. The gifts were another way of having me under control and "happy." When I grew cold and started snapping back by defending myself, things got reaaally ugly and we divorced to avoid a possible tragedy.

Sweetie, it already started bad. It won't get better. I wasted five years of my life waiting for some miracle that would transform a relationship that had already started badly into something beautiful. My ex mother-in-law even begged me in tears not leave her son saying her life had been the same (and still was) and that it was "normal" for men to treat women like trash.

I begged my ex for us to look for help together and see a therapist, but anything I would suggest was meaningless and just "stupid womanly emotions."

Cuppy Cake, you are already suffering. Don't go further into this. You should really break up with this person.
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Old 2009-03-11, 04:49   Link #283
Jill Valentine
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Derelict Apartment Block
I allready did, i sended him a message explaining everything, he saw the message he readed it and didn't give me any reply's, and then i sended him another saying "so you don't wan't to reply, we are over"
he doesen't even wan't to say anything
;_;
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Old 2009-03-11, 05:07   Link #284
Yuka-Chan
柊ユカ
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Israel,But born in Ukraine >w<
Age: 24
He's a jerk and doesnt deserve you if this is how he treats you and wont bother even to reply to you =_="
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Old 2009-03-11, 05:22   Link #285
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
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Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cuppy Cake View Post
I allready did, i sended him a message explaining everything, he saw the message he readed it and didn't give me any reply's, and then i sended him another saying "so you don't wan't to reply, we are over"
he doesen't even wan't to say anything
;_;
I'll be honest here and mention that I was seriously gonna bite into you cuppy, as in seeing this go on for tens of posts and seeing the excuses you were making to justify his actions to you.
Every post was bringing me closer to snapping point in terms of 'wake up and smell the coffee already!'
(If you're not sure of that expression it means, pay attention to what's going on and do something about it)

You say you sent him a message, best is to send email cause then they really have no excuse of 'I couldn't read it'
It stays in their inbox.

All I hope after all the energy everyone has spent telling and advising you of the same thing is that for the next few weeks you remain single and
not take him back.
He may try to apologise, he may try to say 'he's changed', he may even go as far as to 'break up' with someone to prove it, but kick his lame-ass to the curb and get on with your life.

Tell yourself 'I deserve better, I deserve someone who truly respects me'. Give yourself some confidence and one day you'll hopefully meet someone who'll adore you for you and not just treat you like shit, like you tell us this guy has been doing by his words and actions.

All the advice given here isn’t just limited to online relationships btw, watch out for this kinda of behaviour from guys offline too if you happen to come across someone you like.

It'll be hard and painful at first like most seperations, but time heals emotional wounds if you work at it and you'll feel better for ridding yourself of such a draining and negative person.
All the best~
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Old 2009-03-11, 05:35   Link #286
Jill Valentine
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Derelict Apartment Block
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
I'll be honest here and mention that I was seriously gonna bite into you cuppy, as in seeing this go on for tens of posts and seeing the excuses you were making to justify his actions to you.
Every post was bringing me closer to snapping point in terms of 'wake up and smell the coffee already!'
(If you're not sure of that expression it means, pay attention to what's going on and do something about it)

You say you sent him a message, best is to send email cause then they really have no excuse of 'I couldn't read it'
It stays in their inbox.

All I hope after all the energy everyone has spent telling and advising you of the same thing is that for the next few weeks you remain single and
not take him back.
He may try to apologise, he may try to say 'he's changed', he may even go as far as to 'break up' with someone to prove it, but kick his lame-ass to the curb and get on with your life.

Tell yourself 'I deserve better, I deserve someone who truly respects me'. Give yourself some confidence and one day you'll hopefully meet someone who'll adore you for you and not just treat you like shit, like you tell us this guy has been doing by his words and actions.

All the advice given here isn’t just limited to online relationships btw, watch out for this kinda of behaviour from guys offline too if you happen to come across someone you like.

It'll be hard and painful at first like most seperations, but time heals emotional wounds if you work at it and you'll feel better for ridding yourself of such a draining and negative person.
All the best~
I know everything i did, i brought it to my head myself ;_;
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Old 2009-07-30, 22:13   Link #287
Miki_von_Beuken
MIKI_VON_BEUKEN!
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Sad America
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If your going to have an internet relationship or a relationship period, then you shouldn't ask your friends, or family, or whoever you can questions on your insecurities. Theres only going to be something you don't want to here if people aernt always on your side. (for the people who ask, but doesn't really want any advice from anyone who opposes) All we can give is opinions or theories or from experience even.

Dear everyone who has given me suggestions in this forum in the past,
(ask me who i am, i will tell you and if you want to know what happen i will let you know)
I just wanted to thank everyone.
So Thanks so much.

Last edited by Miki_von_Beuken; 2009-07-30 at 22:15. Reason: forgot to add something
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