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Old 2007-10-27, 09:10   Link #41
Crystal Requiem
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada.
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Depends on the relationship. Things like dating and the such, I don't believe in it. However I do believe you're able to meet a wide variety of people and make friends you wouldn't normally find IRL.

I truly can't call something like that a relationship, just a form of contact.
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Old 2007-10-29, 08:50   Link #42
SolarNova
Alone in the dark
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: England, would rather not be specific
Age: 31
Hmm i guess speaking only from observation that if you have gone out looking to meet somone online i dont think that would work, like these dating forums and such.. more chance of meeting people who just straight up lie about themselfs and are there for some twisted fun.

However meeting somone by chance online on a forum like this one for example i see no problem with. Long distance relationships do work. Tbh the ratio of them working out and falling apart is probably the same if not better than meeting people face to face. the only difference is meeting people face to face and starting a relationship happens more often than online.

As for the problem about people lieing , you got mic's, webcams, telephone and when your ready just set somthing up to meet in person ..even if its on the otherside of the planet just take a week of work or during a college holiday spend a bit of money and meet him or her, if things go bad you still got a holiday to enjoy i guess.

If i ever happen to meet a girl online i wouldnt have to think twice about it no matter where in the world she lives. However i would have to get to know her alot before hand obviosly, im not one to jump without looking

Remember people love is love, it dont matter how its expressed.
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Old 2007-10-29, 10:59   Link #43
cheyannew
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Wow, way to come into a topic late

But as usual, I need to stick my 2 cents in.

I've had a few relationships that started off online...

One, was from a BBS (if you're old enough to remember those, kudos!!!), we all ended up meeting at bowling/skating (roller rinks), and knew the guy through my marriage and subsequent split of that, we dated/lived together for a year. The difference, IMO, was that we knew each other in person for a long while.

My next one was via IRC, of Undernet; found out the guy lived nearby and arranged to meet. After a week of spending time together he proposed, that obviously did not work out, hehe. I met the guy I'm married to now, a while after the IRC guy moved back up North.

My husband and I met in person, and at the time he lived 3+ hours away. We used BBS's and email to communicate, until he finally asked if he could ask my father for permission to court me (o.O), and we started discussing philosophies, etc etc. He eventually moved up to my area, and we have been married for nearing 11 years now.

So, all in all, if done CAREFULLY, they can work, but I find it distressing that there are SO many lonely people out there who claim to have a bf/gf/whatever without ever having met in person even once. I think that meeting is VERY important. Humans are sensory creatures, and you can only know so much of a person through text.

So if it works, good on you! If not, well, be careful in all interactions on the net, period.
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Old 2007-10-29, 11:23   Link #44
innominate
hiatus almost permanent
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
So, all in all, if done CAREFULLY, they can work, but I find it distressing that there are SO many lonely people out there who claim to have a bf/gf/whatever without ever having met in person even once. I think that meeting is VERY important. Humans are sensory creatures, and you can only know so much of a person through text.

So if it works, good on you! If not, well, be careful in all interactions on the net, period.
Haha, the assumption here is that technology isn't advanced enough to simulate a face-to-face conversation. Maybe today not so much of that sort, but in the future I'm sure technology would allow that.

But if you're talking about physical contact then I have no comment.
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Old 2007-10-29, 15:47   Link #45
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SolarNova View Post
Remember people love is love, it dont matter how its expressed.
Also remember that naturally speaking, you won't be feeling full-out love 24/7. During those times when you're not infautated blind by your mate, compatibility counts for a hell of a lot. I don't believe you get a good sense of that through text alone. Aesthetics and substance - these exist with varying priorities to different people, but don't tell yourself that only one of the two matters to you. You'd be doing yourself a disservice.
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Old 2007-10-29, 18:11   Link #46
Black_Rose
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Join Date: Aug 2007
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Oh no no no no no..... I may be yong and all and thats proby the reason why...but internet relationships with me would be vary hard...plus they are really creepy and all people my age are going through hormone problems so....But on the other hand I may be kinda young to date but i do it anyway. I stick to school for right now and im not afraid to express my fealing to another person up front. And if im not having my days i justgo get my freind to ask for me. Never the less as far as online dating goes its not gona work for me rite now.
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Old 2007-10-29, 21:40   Link #47
Samari
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Join Date: Oct 2007
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I read all of these posts in this thread, and I think a lot of people hit on a lot of good points.

Now, I've never been in an online relationship. Never in a real one actually. As of recently though, I've met this girl that lives in the UK and she's really into a lot of things that I'm interested into. Anime for the most part. I started talking to her on MySpace, and we've been messaging each other back and forth for the past week or so. It's quite interesting.

I don't think I could ever do the whole distance relationship thing though. Especially if it was more than four or five hours away. From the stories I've heard, things usually don't work out. And that's just from people that meet in reality. Not counting online relationships. But...it's been proven that it can work, I guess it just takes a lot of patience and commitment. I'm guessing anyways.

As for me and this current girl, I'm just focusing on having met a really interesting person that happens to be a cute female. ^.^
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Old 2007-10-30, 14:58   Link #48
arcadeplayer987
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Few internet relations really work so I prefere face to face relations
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Old 2007-10-30, 15:03   Link #49
2H-Dragon
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Netherlands
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It's pretty much the same irl. A few real relations really work out. Think about the amount of ex's most people have and the divorce rate ain't something to write home about either.
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Old 2007-10-31, 13:34   Link #50
sukilovesme
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Online relations are tricky... you never know if that person is telling the truth or not.. but if your going to have them hope this doesn't happen to http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1y...net-dating_ads
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Old 2007-10-31, 17:05   Link #51
EphemeralDreams
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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My experiences? I tried both, I won't lie. I did the long distance thing when I was around 17 at the time and the girl I was with lived a good while away from me (Several hours).

I didn't really plan to fall in love or anything, it just sort of happened. You get attached to the people you talk to day in and day out through a game or text messaging. At first, it felt really great. Never been happier and all those butterfly feelings you read in novels and watch in movies. Of course, the distance provided much of a problem. Eventually one or the other will grow tired of responding day in and day out. E-mail, phone calls, text messaging. It doesn't really compare to the real thing. Not being able to be with each other as much as you like is really the problem. At least you won't have to worry about not seeing each other for a while. Unless you have a will and trust as solid as diamond. Its going to be very hard.

Real contact is much better, at least you can build on that. Credibility determines if your relationship is going to survive or not.

Oh, if you want to know how that long distance relationship turned out for me. I was happy at first, I used to write poetry, birthday/Christmas/anniversary gifts when it counted, and was able to read what she liked and disliked like a book. Her friends told me I would have been the perfect boyfriend if we didn't have this distance gap. We didn't see each other as much due to the distance (She was also against unplanned visits). After about a year, she told me her mother got sick and she had to work overtime (Single parent). I didn't hesitate to help her out with the bit of money I had. (Around a grand or two.) Everyday she would distress on how much of a burden it is for her. She strayed away from her friends she usually talked to, and I ended up selling my character who I kept for several years on an MMO (5000$) to help her out. I took up a full time job and stopped schooling for a bit and lent her another several grand every month. Eventually, her contact with me become much shorter. Wouldn't talk to me for weeks and I would be worried that she had more issues. My friends and family were discouraging me and telling me I shouldn't associate myself with a long distance relationship seeing as how I was literally lifeless from working so much. Of course, when you love someone. You tend to ignore the voices of reason and stand by your belief. Thats what I did anyway.

After a while, the time it took to talk got me into a bit of a depression. (Being in love with no or little contact = sucks) A friend of hers while I often talked to spilled the beans on what was happening, as this thing was dragged on long enough. She basically moved away after a few weeks of the last time I had contact with her, with her new boyfriend. She also told me they had also gone on vacation overseas a couple of times. (I wonder where they got the money for that..) She sent me an e-mail a year later confirming everything, and how she feels really bad that she took off with another guy. Oh and thanking me for the money too, however she isn't going to pay me a cent back. (I wonder what was the point of that e-mail anyway.)

Well, I won't go about on how I felt after that. Because that itself is another story. But I had relationships after that, building on that as experience. I would say that long distance relationships don't compare to the "real thing".

I had a couple of friends who got married after they met online, however they lived relatively close to each other. So seeing each other wasn't much of an issue.

It may work, it may not. It just really depends on how you two feel hold on to the foundation. Just like every other relationships, theres some things that make it hard. Long distance relationships just add to the burden.
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Old 2007-11-10, 17:27   Link #52
Raidou-Kun
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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I hope it all works out for you Jordy. x)
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Old 2007-11-10, 20:26   Link #53
harinezumi
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I think internet relations are okay if persons are able to meet each others. I know you can't help it if you're in love, thought. XD
I had that kind of relationship too (Luckily we lived pretty near each other, but in another town) and that we broke up wasn't because of distance. We met almost every weekend and holiday and talked every day online... Of course it's better to have irl relationship... You can see her more. It's different from speaking throught e-mail and msn.
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Old 2007-11-11, 07:42   Link #54
Jenya
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I do not believe in Internet relationships. Touching and cuddling a woman constitutes a good half of the relationship. If it is not happening then you are not her man.
A photoraph could never substitue a real person.


I read EphemeralDreams' message. I can say only one thing. Never give money to a woman. Paying for her everywhere is fine, but giving money is so wrong. There is a word for it...

Last edited by Jenya; 2007-11-11 at 07:52.
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Old 2007-11-11, 08:18   Link #55
subiedubidoo
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Join Date: Nov 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fome View Post
If you're going to meet this person, prepare to be in for a surprise. People lie about their appearance, age, and gender all the time.
ha ha ha GENDER...ha ha ha...

well i think its great that r meeting ur net love.
i wish i could do it just for the experience. but im some how better at meeting women at clubs cafe and bars....oh good luck to you.
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Old 2007-11-11, 10:08   Link #56
Otani-kun
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Quote:
Originally Posted by harinezumi View Post
I think internet relations are okay if persons are able to meet each others. I know you can't help it if you're in love, thought. XD
I had that kind of relationship too (Luckily we lived pretty near each other, but in another town) and that we broke up wasn't because of distance. We met almost every weekend and holiday and talked every day online... Of course it's better to have irl relationship... You can see her more. It's different from speaking throught e-mail and msn.
That's too bad. :C
Why did you break up? =o

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jenya View Post
I do not believe in Internet relationships. Touching and cuddling a woman constitutes a good half of the relationship. If it is not happening then you are not her man.
A photoraph could never substitue a real person.


I read EphemeralDreams' message. I can say only one thing. Never give money to a woman. Paying for her everywhere is fine, but giving money is so wrong. There is a word for it...
Dont forget, it's a long distance relationship since we are going to meet. I don't believe in internet-only relations either.

I dont mind paying simple stuff for her, but I'd never give 5000 euro or something, especially not to someone who lives a long way and can just get away with it without ever paying you back. (Like in E-D's case)

Quote:
Originally Posted by subiedubidoo View Post
ha ha ha GENDER...ha ha ha...

well i think its great that r meeting ur net love.
i wish i could do it just for the experience. but im some how better at meeting women at clubs cafe and bars....oh good luck to you.
It's a great but hard experience. Not able to meet up much can be a difficult thing
to cope with. I guess that,s why most long distance relationships dont last very long.

And thanks. =)
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Old 2007-11-11, 14:04   Link #57
stjeppe
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Belgium
Age: 31
veel geluk
(translated: good luck)

all that matters is if you can find hapiness.
from my side i wouldn't transfer msn, or internet relation to real life unless there'd be a very good reason, like yours. i have soom "friends" on msn but it never compares to real life.
it's hard to know what to expect anyways but i wish you good luck
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Old 2008-07-08, 21:15   Link #58
Seki_yamata
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: utretch netherlands. (lies) ;)
I hope im not too late about this fourm, but im also in an internet relationship with a really wonderfull person. =) but its been really hard lately. ive been getting into alot of trouble with my mom over this. and she thinks that im gona run away sooner or latter. Im aware of this being dangerous. but i really trust the guy. Weve been in a relationship for seven months. and i do alot to hold the relationship togeather. Its not like he does antything wrong its just that its hard for us. because we are both minors. and my mother is really strict. and she tells me all of the time that threre will be more guys in my life. I dont think about that much because i dont want there to be any more in my life. Hes the only one i want. and im sure that he feels the same about me. But, my mom doesnt like him. and she doesnt want me talking to him. So, ive tryed calling him (it sitll works) but they took away my cell phone. Weve tryed writing eachother. but my mother got mad again because she read one of the letters and he calls me love all of the time so she went crazy and now i cant do that anymore. We still talk online too. but im not allowed to go on the sites he goes on so we e-mail eachother still and i call him when no one is around. but ive decided to get a job, and get my own cell phone just to talk to him. and hes greatful im doing that to keep this relationship togeather. im just saying..its very hard for us because, we are both minors. and if i could i would get on the first plane, train or anyother transportation to go visit him. but i cant. and he cant. So how do i hang in there? i really dont want to loose him.
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Old 2008-07-08, 22:45   Link #59
tenken627
what Yagi said
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
I've never been personally involved in an internet relation, and I don't know if that is my thing, but I do have two successful stories of internet relationships that I know of that might provide hope to those people who are in one right now.

Both of them started when I used to be a big internet gamer. One is sad, one is happy.



Sad one:

One of my real life friends used to play this one game with me, and he met this girl in the game. As soon as he met her, he started playing the game with me less and less and with this girl more and more. She lived a 6 hour drive from us. For the first full year, they never met, just talked online through emails, instant messaging, in game, and on the phone.

Finally, he got the courage to make the trip out there after a full year. He told me that he was really nervous about it, but after they met, he was really comfortable around her because they've been talking non-stop for a year already.

They've been seeing each other through trips for two years after that, with him sometimes going over there and her sometimes coming over here. I was surprised that she was really cute. It was actually kinda funny because my friend would always use his first drive up there to meet her as their real anniversary, when she would insist that the first time they started talking to each other a lot online as their anniversary.

Sadly she passed away after a car accident. Her family invited my friend out there for as soon as he heard the news and he was with her until the end and stayed for the funeral. He was treated as family during his stay.




Happy one:

I also met a couple a few years back online from a game, and they said they've been going out online for half a year before they met each other in person. This was a real long distance relationship since she lived in Ontario, Canada and he lived in Sweden.

I got to know both of them really well, and found out that even though they saw each other a few times a year during holidays/vacation, they communicated with each other constantly.

They met when he was 19, she was 20, and a year afterwards. I used to think that extreme long distance relationships never worked, especially ones formed online. But, they've still kept going for 4 years, and their time spent together physically became longer and longer. Then one year ago, he finally popped the question, and she said yes.

They just got married about 5 months ago in Sweden, with her whole family making the trip out there from Canada. Right afterwards, they moved to the United States, and are starting their new life together.

Whenever I talk to them, I sometimes get annoyed because they still seem in their newlywed phase, and they start being insufferable. But, they seem extremely happy.




So, there you go for anyone in an internet relationship out there. True stories. Yes, it's much more harder than a normal relationship, and there is the distance factor, but if both sides really are willing to work at it, it's true that you can make it work and achieve happiness.
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Old 2008-07-08, 22:58   Link #60
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Seki_yamata View Post
So how do i hang in there? i really dont want to loose him.
It's hard for me to whole-heartedly tell you that your mother is wrong and that you should keep doing what you're doing. You didn't state your age, but if you're in your teens then your mother is very likely right: you're still changing as a person and you and your boyfriend may very easily grow apart. That it's a net-based relationship makes it even harder, because people can be so different online than they are offline. Even if they're the same, being around a person is different from simply reading what they write. Habits and such can really get on your nerves.

Despite all of that, there have been quite a number of very solid relationships formed through the net and at a young age. I always love to read the accounts of another member on this forum, Vexx, who was dating the woman who became his wife since he was 17 or 18, I believe. He's been with her for some 43 years now. It's always inspirational to read his accounts of their relationship (including his mentions of the times when they've gotten annoyed with each other - it's bound to happen). In the end what's important really isn't what any of us think, but how your relationship itself will be. If you end up happy, then who cares for our judgements? As long as you know what you want and you know whether your expectations are being met, and whether or not you're happy, that's what counts. Don't entirely block out the advice of others, even when it's negative, though. Don't put too much stock in it, but know that sometimes when we're in a relationship we're blind to some things that other people can see quite clearly.

OK, now I've said all that, I'll give you what I hope will be helpful advice. It sounds like you have a controlling parent, which unfortunately you can't do much about. If you've been dating this guy for a long time and if he's serious about you, then it might alleviate some of your mother's fears to let her talk to him. Ideally it wouldn't be through email, but vocally (voice chat or through the phone). Depending on how old you are and how old he is, having your mother talk to his parents might also calm her down. You know your mother and the situation better than I do, so if that would make things worse, don't do it. If you're thinking that this may be a life-long relationship then he's going to meet her sooner or later anyway, right? This might be a bit stressful for him, but if he's really committed to you then it shouldn't be a big deal.

You mentioned that you are considering getting a job and then your own cellphone. That can be expensive. There are two other things to consider that may be superior to a cellphone. The first is a voice chat. If your computer or monitor doesn't have a microphone, I think you can buy a microphone for as cheap as $10 or less. Even if the both of you are using dial-up internet this should work well enough. The benefit over a cellphone? You can talk forever and not worry about minutes, or roaming charges. Of course, it's free, too (excluding the cost of the microphone). The only downside is that you need to be by your computer.

The second option is to get a webcam. I wouldn't get one for anything less than $30 or $40 as anything cheaper than that will probably have horrible quality. Assuming you both have some form of broadband and if you both bought or had webcams, then you could video chat. Video chatting can't beat being with someone physically, but it's the next best thing. Being able to talk to and see each other (and show each other things, like pets or your room) makes a big difference in terms of feelings of closeness. I didn't meet my girlfriend on the internet, but videochatting is how we've overcome occasional months of separation. Webcams come with a microphone built-in, so you can also use it to simply voice chat. The benefits over a cellphone are quite immense (unless you live in certain areas of Asia or Europe, where you can video chat through a cellphone). The downside, once again, is that you'll have to be by your computer to talk.

Good luck.
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