Dating

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

Another concern is from the other person's perspective. If they also think they're out of your league, it's very possible that they'll put less effort into the relationship because they don't believe they have to. Sadly, I know this from personal experience.

Of course, but how the other person would view me is beyond what I can control. That can change, but definitely not before the 'pre-first-date' stages of a relationship. There's too much biased and superficial judgement.

For me personally, that kind of superiority attitude is a major turn off lol. Don't think I'd want to engage in a relationship where the other person thinks I'm the one that should try and not her.

[greedyisgood]

So I was asked again by my co-workers..."when will you get a girlfriend?".

It really annoys me asked by this question day by day. Just because I am at my early 20's and have a decent job.

[Hippo]

Originally Posted by Shinji01

Many couples in Japan nearly divorce because the wife does not understand why the husband collects figurines, and throws them away, or forbids them from investing in more DVDs etc (you get the picture)

With the cost of DVDs in Japan I can't say I blame them!

I think it is good to have some crossover with hobbies and interests with your partner. My boyfriend and I do have similarities but they aren't identical, eg we both love comics but he mostly buys American ones while I buy manga, but we will sometimes read each other's. He'll watch some anime- the usual suspects like Ghibli films, Satoshi Kon films, GitS, Eden of the East, Cowboy Bebop etc but will turn his nose up at all the high school comedy/ romances that I have He hadn't watched any anime apart from Akira when I met him, but I usually have a good idea of what film or series he would enjoy. It doesn't matter if someone doesn't have the same interests as you right away, you can introduce each other to new things bit by bit and will probably find more things you both like.

[Kafriel]

Originally Posted by greedyisgood

So I was asked again by my co-workers..."when will you get a girlfriend?".

It really annoys me asked by this question day by day. Just because I am at my early 20's and have a decent job.

And the comeback to that is, "I'll find one...at your wedding!". If already married, then at their child's baptism :P

[solomon]

Originally Posted by greedyisgood

So I was asked again by my co-workers..."when will you get a girlfriend?".

It really annoys me asked by this question day by day. Just because I am at my early 20's and have a decent job.

If I may ask, are you Asian or come from an Asian background? I understand there is some societal pressure there.

If not and you were just American/Western I'd just say tell em to Piss off/Sod Off/Va ta faire Voir or whatever linguistic stand in you have.

It's your life, do it when you're ready and tell them to mind their own buisness less they THEMSELVES have trouble in paradise but don't know it.

On the hobbies thing, it is true there should be SOME overlap. Otherwise, you really have to be intune with that "deep spiritual connection" jargon I talked about and it's often hard to pick up since we humans place so much emphasis on superficality in society.

And same thing on the "Leagues". Remember, people are people are people. Now, the income gap thing may be a bit harder to deal with (especially for a dude) but it's been dealt with before. Otherwise, the people who normally have this "league" problem are nerds. It's time to get some friggin nerd pride and while embracing your uniqueness acting like a MAN about it. League talk is overrated. You don't put the pussy on a pedestal.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by solomon

And same thing on the "Leagues". Remember, people are people are people. Now, the income gap thing may be a bit harder to deal with (especially for a dude) but it's been dealt with before. Otherwise, the people who normally have this "league" problem are nerds. It's time to get some friggin nerd pride and while embracing your uniqueness acting like a MAN about it. League talk is overrated. You don't put the pussy on a pedestal.

I was under the impression that "out of my league" tended to mean "is so attractive compared to me that it feels like a privilege to be going out with them." Or "is way smarter than me" or "more talented" or anything of that nature. It would never have occurred to me that "I'm a nerd and she's not" would be the most common example of this.

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

I was under the impression that "out of my league" tended to mean "is so attractive compared to me that it feels like a privilege to be going out with them." Or "is way smarter than me" or "more talented" or anything of that nature. It would never have occurred to me that "I'm a nerd and she's not" would be the most common example of this.

Neither did it occur to me it was about that.

I've tried to ask out girls that seem to be better than me in both appearance and intelligence. But what can I do? I just ask them out anyways. I got turned down every time because they probably see the same, but that assumption isn't enough to stop me from trying at least.

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Off topic on a tangent

Does anyone see calmness as a positive trait anymore? Theoretically, that seems like a positive trait but my experience with women seems to be the opposite. Everyone seems to like the spontaneous emotional craze more than stability. =/

If only relationships didn't begin with a load of superficial judgement... xP

[Kafriel]

Does anyone see calmness as a positive trait anymore? Theoretically, that seems like a positive trait but my experience with women seems to be the opposite. Everyone seems to like the spontaneous emotional craze more than stability. =/

I'm in favour of calm people, but others might call you boring or insensitive for not acting as extreme as they do...

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Does anyone see calmness as a positive trait anymore? Theoretically, that seems like a positive trait but my experience with women seems to be the opposite. Everyone seems to like the spontaneous emotional craze more than stability.

It depends on how you define "calmness." If you mean "level-headed and slow to anger," of course it's a positive trait. If you mean "never enthusiastic about anything," that's less desirable. Apathy is never attractive, but being overly emotional isn't either.

[DonQuigleone]

You guys that talk about a girl being "out of your league" need to get some self respect. It would take her to be a supermodel with a nobel's prize in physics for her to be really out of your league.

You guys are all smart, and you're probably not that bad looking. If there is a deficit in the looks department it's most likely entirely solved by:

a) losing weight.
b) taking a shower.
c) Wearing some slightly snazzier clothes. Rather then that stupid faded meme referencing t-shirt, you could just wear a regular button up shirt. Now you've become thoroughly elite, for about the cost of $15. It's really that easy.

I'll admit a) can be hard, if you have weight problems, but I find plenty of perfectly thin guys still go around with the whole "out of my league talk". Jeez, these guys need to learn to be a bit more, I don't know, arrogant. Aside from that super-model nobel laureate I already mentioned, most women aren't any better then you. A lot of them will be worse then you. And you know what, if you look at yourself in the mirror, with the right thought, you'll look pretty damn studly. You'd be surprised how many people agree with you. Heck, if a girl's consented to go out with you, she probably thinks you're pretty studly too. Remember that and take pride.

And if people do call you arrogant for being full of yourself, well I have the perfect reply for you "It's not arrogance when it's true". They'll either realise that in fact, you are just as amazing as you claim you are, or laugh themselves silly at your gumption. Either way, you win.

[solomon]

Arrogant is not quite the word, but it's getting there. Once again, the Don is the Man of the Hour with award winning advice.

Take me, I'm a quirky, booky, calm type of guy by nature, and I damn sure ain't your sterotypical hip "brotha". But at this point in time in my life I'm not taking ANY SHIT from anyone about it. I am who I am dammit and if you don't like that, STUFF IT. Chicks run with that mantra all the time. You have to take it with that approach it's like Kaoru from Welcome to the NHK anime if anyone saw it...

Spoiler for late in the shows run spoiler:

Kaoru, a full on otaku (AND PROUD OF IT) had a thing for a girl at the nearby seiyuu trade school. He soon gets word that his father back home on the farm is sick and has no choice but to give up his game development career and go back home. Thinking that he had no chance in hell with the girl, he decided to troll her by inviting her over his apartment and revealing that he was a full on moe/hentai freak whose character he designed was based on HER. Originally she was taken aback, but then she sheepishly admitted that despite his totally oddball preferences, he made NO mistake about liking and taking pride it in. That was in here eyes, kinda....(wait for it) MANLY!!

If you're not just worried about booty calls, than you have to realize on average most women want a guy who's nice capable compassionate and can take care of them (whatever that means in this day and age, the gals call the shots on that one).

Oh sure, they'd LIKE a Brad Pitt (or cultural equivalent) who had all those same qualities, but if you take care of yourself, have pride in yourself and treat her with respect then you can get "the cute ones" (dependent on you two being individually compatible with each other). Being modest is good, but while you don't need to be the Fonz, pulling a full on Charlie Brown isn't gonna get you any closer to that Lil' Red Haired Girl you so desire.

You're one of a multitude of guys on the market, if you don't believe what you're selling, she won't either. Know and highlight what good points, keep your self presentable, stay confident and something will turn up.

(ATTENTION: Still you shouldn't just go after beauty queens just to go after em, don't be afraid of going after or talking to a hot chick but remember what you're looking for BEHIND the window dressing, otherwise you'll likely run in circles and run the risk of having great sex but not much else, and even the sex isn't guaranteed unfortunately.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

You guys that talk about a girl being "out of your league" need to get some self respect.

FWIW, when I was talking about knowing the "out of one's league" feel from personal experience, I was considering myself to be out of the other person's league.

No difficulty with arrogance here.

[ChainLegacy]

Yeah, the whole 'out of my league' thing is bullshit. We're all in the major leagues, and we're all just primates that take ourselves a little too seriously anyways.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by solomon

(ATTENTION: Still you shouldn't just go after beauty queens just to go after em, don't be afraid of going after or talking to a hot chick but remember what you're looking for BEHIND the window dressing, otherwise you'll likely run in circles and run the risk of having great sex but not much else, and even the sex isn't guaranteed unfortunately.

Pretty sure hot girls aren't good at sex because they don't have to be. There's more to it than how the other person looks, after all.

[HasuMasu]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

Pretty sure hot girls aren't good at sex because they don't have to be. There's more to it than how the other person looks, after all.

"An illusion was shattered somewhere..."

[solomon]

NOOOOOOO!!!!!! My sophomoric dream SHATTERED!! HOLLYWOOD LIED TO ME!!!!

Anyway, anyone doing or did the online dating thingy before? I made fun of it before but I gave into temptation and joined OK Cupid, e-flirting as we speak. It's kinda fun actually!

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by solomon

NOOOOOOO!!!!!! My sophomoric dream SHATTERED!! HOLLYWOOD LIED TO ME!!!!

Anyway, anyone doing or did the online dating thingy before? I made fun of it before but I gave into temptation and joined OK Cupid, e-flirting as we speak. It's kinda fun actually!

Believe it or not, Mrs. E.S. and I found each other on Yahoo Personals. Before her, though, there was mIRC.

Endless "Online Dating" Soul

[solomon]

Really, cause orignally I was like "there was no way this could ever work, 1 in 5 MY ASS!"

BTW que es mIRC? My young whippersnapper ass don't know nothin bout that.

[Endless Soul]

mIRC was, and still is, mainly a chat program. Some subbers still use it today for file sharing, but back in the mid and late 90s it was mainly used for socializing. You could join channels with hundreds of people, or do individual chats. Met a lot of people this way.

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by solomon

Really, cause orignally I was like "there was no way this could ever work, 1 in 5 MY ASS!"

I know! But from so many of my married friends says it does work if you have enough common sense (okay, that's already not existent for 1 in 5 here).

But, once you avoid the scammers, bots and one-night-standers, I hear there are some really decent people that is very hard to notice if you met them irl first.
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How was your scavenging? I never tried but I can somewhat imagine I'd be a nervous wreck than if it was face-to-face conversations.