Dating

[Samari]

Thanks for your support. I just hope, and pray that I have a decent shot and making something special happen with this person. It seems there are quite a lot of obstacles in my way...the most difficult being myself ironically. Or so it appears. God I hope something happens. God I hope.

[Darkman.exe213]

I have a somewhat odd question. I'm really good friends with the girl I like, and we might actually start going out soon. However, we're nothing alike. I don't share any of her interests, and she doesn't share any of mine. Is it likely that our relationship will last long if we did start dating?

[TinyRedLeaf]

^ Ever heard of the saying, "Opposites attract?" In any case, don't worry. You couldn't have become good friends without having at least something in common in the first place.

As for how long the relationship might last, well, you won't know till you've tried.

[Ledgem]

In terms of being alike, what really matters are your virtues and values. To use an extreme example, if you're not into alcohol consumption and the girl loves getting wasted every moment she can, there are going to be problems. I've read that statistically speaking, the #1 factor that determines whether a relationship will last in the long term or not is whether the views on family and having children match - it makes sense.

Otherwise, don't worry about it. If you're both compatible in terms of personality, you'll find and establish common interests. As always, be respectful of each other's differences. I'd imagine there'd only be trouble if you both had some interests that conflicted with each other.

[Syaoran]

This might be a stupid question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway... And it's directed to the guys who aren't homosexual.

How would you react when a guy you know would tell you he likes you very much and you didn't even know that person was gay?

I've no clue on how someone might react to this... if I ever gather the courage to tell. And I don't even know what he's into: I'm afraid to ask and he's not talkative on those matters either. The last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable or even angry.

[deathreape98]

I would ask him what he meant by that, as in very much as a friend, or wanting more. If it's the latter, I wouldn't change my veiws on him or like him less- you should be able to love who you love. However, I would make it clear to him that I am heterosexual and I don't want a relationship.

~Death

[Darkman.exe213]

Originally Posted by TinyRedLeaf

^ Ever heard of the saying, "Opposites attract?" In any case, don't worry. You couldn't have become good friends without having at least something in common in the first place.

we ended up becoming good friends because we worked at a daycamp together and ended up spending a lot of time together there. How that happened is beyond me.

Ah well. Thanks for the advice guys. I'll just see how it works out.

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Syaoran

This might be a stupid question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway... And it's directed to the guys who aren't homosexual.

How would you react when a guy you know would tell you he likes you very much and you didn't even know that person was gay?

I've no clue on how someone might react to this... if I ever gather the courage to tell. And I don't even know what he's into: I'm afraid to ask and he's not talkative on those matters either. The last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable or even angry.

This happened to me. He was a great friend, and I was very flattered when he "came out" to me. I basically said, "but, I like girls..." No harm done, he just needed to get it off his chest. We still are good friends, and I always describe him as the person who knows my mind better than anyone. He's coming back into town soon, and I can't wait to see him.

[tripperazn]

Originally Posted by Syaoran

This might be a stupid question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway... And it's directed to the guys who aren't homosexual.

How would you react when a guy you know would tell you he likes you very much and you didn't even know that person was gay?

I've no clue on how someone might react to this... if I ever gather the courage to tell. And I don't even know what he's into: I'm afraid to ask and he's not talkative on those matters either. The last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable or even angry.

As much as I'd love to say, "he would definitely be fine with it and won't judge you, whatever happens", realistically, I think it depends where you live. If you live in Europe or the Coastal US (like me, so I might be biased here), chances are there would be no negative consequence.

I'm a conservative type who needs some reassurance when asking a girl out, scoping them out with questions beforehand is a requirement of mine. Don't do it all at once, since he might figure out what you're getting at. Make it subtle, and the transition natural, guide the conversation as necessary. This might be too roundabout for guys, since we usually get straight to the point, so maybe find a news article relating to gay rights and talk about that briefly. Just hear his thoughts and weigh the risks.

[Vestus]

Originally Posted by Syaoran

This might be a stupid question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway... And it's directed to the guys who aren't homosexual.

How would you react when a guy you know would tell you he likes you very much and you didn't even know that person was gay?

I've no clue on how someone might react to this... if I ever gather the courage to tell. And I don't even know what he's into: I'm afraid to ask and he's not talkative on those matters either. The last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable or even angry.

I would probably respond, "Dude, I love you too." Unless, I knew he was gay. Then, the depending on his personality he would try to hug me, hold hands, kiss me, etc.

If he tried to hug me, well I wouldn't think much of it and hug him.

If he tried to do something that I would only do with girls, well I would push him off (prolly violently b/c I would be freaked). Then, I would say, "Hey man, you could of told me you were gay b/c I'm not and I only like girls, sorry. It's not like you're not a good-looking guy w/ a great personality. It's just disgusting for me to do have a romantic relationship with a guy. No offense, man. It's cool you're gay, and I have nothing against that, just don't hit on me please. Oh, and don't worry, I don't hate you or anything, just surprised."

I don't think that would happen b/c I'm very vocal about hot women. For example, I would see a cute chick walk by and I would say, "Man, that girl was cute."

[raikage]

Originally Posted by Syaoran

This might be a stupid question, but I'm gonna ask it anyway... And it's directed to the guys who aren't homosexual.

How would you react when a guy you know would tell you he likes you very much and you didn't even know that person was gay?

I've no clue on how someone might react to this... if I ever gather the courage to tell. And I don't even know what he's into: I'm afraid to ask and he's not talkative on those matters either. The last thing I'd want is to make him feel uncomfortable or even angry.

I'd be surprised, then I'd tell him I wasn't gay. I wouldn't hate him or anything, though. Perhaps my attitude does have to do with where I live.
<-- *looks at location*

Many straight guys do have a solid gay-dar, though -- much more astute than most gay people I actually do know who, oddly enough, do not have a functional gaydar -- so as for the person in your example, his friends might already have a solid suspicion and not be as surprised as one might think. ^_^

[Syaoran]

Looks like most people are quite ok with it.

Well... although gay marriage is legal here and same-sex parenting as well I often hear very negative comments from other people, even family... I basically kept this a secret for myself and tried to suppress it and didn't even want to accept the fact that I preferred boys ever since high school. I only came to peace not so long ago with the fact that there's nothing I can do to change it.

Only a few friends at university know about it and they're ok with it, which is a relief. My parents don't have to know... they'd probably kill me ^^'

As for the boy I fell in love with, he's someone I see almost every day and we get along well when there's an opportunity to talk or have a meal. It's just that ever since I liked him, I have been too reserved to become friends, because I was scared he might notice I liked him a little too much >_< So now I even have to close that gap... very stupid of me.

I once jokingly said I ended up in a LGBT bar (first time ever and it was those people from university who took me with them, even before I told them). He didn't react like "Argh... that's disgusting!". Instead he tried not to laugh at me... Seemed like he thought it was funny.

Raikage, I envy you for having a working gay dar :3
Mine doesn't work that well. The fact that he often smiles at me or told me he liked the way I was dressed (I had to wear a suit once ^^') is something that confuses me because the last time he was briefly talking about girls. He switched topics when I didn't really know what to say about it That was the first time ever since more than a year. I thought he had a girlfriend last year, but he never mentioned anything about it. Also a reason for me to stay aside.

It's just that I often notice that people behave differently with someone once outed. I don't want people to do that :/

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Syaoran

It's just that I often notice that people behave differently with someone once outed. I don't want people to do that :/
[/SIZE]

My boss is homosexual, and I had no idea until one day we were talking and he mentioned his boyfriend. That was a slight shock to me, just because I never saw it coming.

I'm fine with homosexuality, and it bothers me when people feel the need to call it unnatural, or to say that same-sex shouldn't be legal (here in America). Let others be happy, you know? My only misgiving about male homosexuality is that I don't like the thought of myself performing homosexual acts, I suppose. I think a lot of people have a fear that maybe homosexuals would try to touch them inappropriately or pressure them into doing homosexual things, and perhaps that's where the hatred and such comes from. I'm sure there are some who would do that, but otherwise I don't think such fears are warranted.

As to how to come out - that's a hard one. I think that since you don't know where the guy stands, you should probably break it to him that you're gay first, and see how he takes that. If he turns out to be gay as well, then you're doing wonderfully and can confess. If he's not, then you can still be friends, but I suppose your feelings will have to not be revealed, sadly.

But you never know... in the bathroom that I frequent near my office, I found that there were some homosexual messages scrawled back and forth between people. Two of the messages were apparently addressed to me (based on office # and hair color) and expressed some sexual desires To be honest, I'd have been a lot happier to read those things in the women's bathroom (not that I ever go into there!), but I was still pretty flattered So depending on how the guy is, he may not be uncomfortable at all, and he'd be happy to know that someone was attracted to him. It completely depends on the guy.

[siya]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

My boss is homosexual, and I had no idea until one day we were talking and he mentioned his boyfriend. That was a slight shock to me, just because I never saw it coming.

I'm fine with homosexuality, and it bothers me when people feel the need to call it unnatural, or to say that same-sex shouldn't be legal (here in America). Let others be happy, you know? My only misgiving about male homosexuality is that I don't like the thought of myself performing homosexual acts, I suppose. I think a lot of people have a fear that maybe homosexuals would try to touch them inappropriately or pressure them into doing homosexual things, and perhaps that's where the hatred and such comes from. I'm sure there are some who would do that, but otherwise I don't think such fears are warranted.

I completly agree...My best friend just recently discoverd he was Bi...THat completly came as a shock to me. I mean, He never seemed like the type that would be bi...But yea...why should the same sex not be legal? I mean, people are hypicriticle...You ask alot of people (male is particular) ask them if they agree with 2 males together, alot will say no, ask those same people if they agree with 2 femals...most will say yes....PERVERTED HIPICRYTS!<---Spelled wrong..lol

[Takeru]

Originally Posted by siya

I completly agree...My best friend just recently discoverd he was Bi...THat completly came as a shock to me. I mean, He never seemed like the type that would be bi...But yea...why should the same sex not be legal? I mean, people are hypicriticle...You ask alot of people (male is particular) ask them if they agree with 2 males together, alot will say no, ask those same people if they agree with 2 femals...most will say yes....PERVERTED HIPICRYTS!<---Spelled wrong..lol

I used to be that 100% anti-homosexual anything kind of person, but recently I've come to the conclusion that, as long as I don't have to see it, and it doesn't impede on my way of life, I really don't care what happens.
My parents are completely different. Basing their anti-homosexual thoughts on their religion...which I don't understand either. But, that's why this is such a big deal. Going against customs and then the religious folk standing up for what they have been told is right. Not going on what the other party may be having to put up with.

[siya]

Originally Posted by Takeru

I used to be that 100% anti-homosexual anything kind of person, but recently I've come to the conclusion that, as long as I don't have to see it, and it doesn't impede on my way of life, I really don't care what happens.
My parents are completely different. Basing their anti-homosexual thoughts on their religion...which I don't understand either. But, that's why this is such a big deal. Going against customs and then the religious folk standing up for what they have been told is right. Not going on what the other party may be having to put up with.

Well, I'm not against it at all, it doesn't bother me whne I see it (hell, I'm like one of the few straight guys who like Shonen-ai...), so if I was against it, it be a little werid....But I hate when people say that stuff.....OO Well religion says that you should like the same sex...when I hear alot of people say this I just tell them what religion says not to do when they do it and then they normall shut up and never go back onto the subject

[Syaoran]

The funny thing in all this is that I'm afraid to show that I've feelings for him or ask something. You can't imagine how long it took me to ask that guy's address for sending a christmas card...

Compared to that, I've no problem going to a complete stranger to ask something. Like yesterday... A friend really liked someone and checked him out for weeks in a row... He wanted to have a picture with him. Lol ... not even knowing the guy I went straight to him, patted his shoulder to get his attention and asked if he'd mind having a picture taken with someone else. Just like that. He didn't mind.

I'd never ever consider asking such thing to the guy I like ... It's kinda strange isn't it?

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Syaoran

The funny thing in all this is that I'm afraid to show that I've feelings for him or ask something. You can't imagine how long it took me to ask that guy's address for sending a christmas card...

Compared to that, I've no problem going to a complete stranger to ask something. Like yesterday... A friend really liked someone and checked him out for weeks in a row... He wanted to have a picture with him. Lol ... not even knowing the guy I went straight to him, patted his shoulder to get his attention and asked if he'd mind having a picture taken with someone else. Just like that. He didn't mind.

I'd never ever consider asking such thing to the guy I like ... It's kinda strange isn't it?

Not strange at all.

[deathreape98]

I agree with Fome, It isn't strange at all.


As for me, I'm so happy~ Had a great time at my ex's house today (NO, we did not do that. Damn perverts >.<). We broke up because of some stuff on my side, but I have a strong feeling that she still likes me...I have a good chance with her

[Row3a]

wow good luck to you
you'll need it