I just wanted to give a little update as to what is going on...
Chapter 8 as of now is stalled. The main problem is that I still cannot figure out how to connect the plots of Chapters 7 and 9 while still making it seem interesting. The second is that I need to figure out a storyline for Chise, because hers as of now is failing. So, I've been throwing together a few prototype chapters, and each one has a few interesting ideas. I'd like to finish chapter 8 by the end of the month, as the last 5 will wizz by.
Also, I've also decided that this story has absolutely zero chance of ever getting published. However, I want some sort of a big release of it, other than forum postings. I'm thinking of using renpy to make it into a Visual Novel.
My goal is to have chapter 8 released by the end of the month. I'll have more time in college than at home, so hopefully I can make something. Unfortunately, subbing True Tears and such will get in the way more than before.
(This is my fanfic for Shana and how it should end. Please note that I did change some plot around to fit my purposes, and did not specifically resolve everything. This just only resolves what I want resolved. Everything else is resolved by other flame haze and doesn't come into the story anymore. The timeframe is at the end of the Pheles' arc. Also, this is not my best writing style. I'm not too good at unoriginal works. )
Spoiler for Shakugan no Kazumi:
Pheles stood over Kazumi, smiling. “This is a Hougu that calls me. However, using it will drain your power of existence. If you truly wish to be in Sakai’s world, you will use this.”
The scene from the school festival played over and over in Yoshida Kazumi’s head. She loved Sakai, that was for certain. But, how much did she love him? Was she willing to die for him? Or, even worse, was she willing to disappear out of existence forever? These thoughts rolled through her head.
“I don’t know,” she said while frustratingly rolling over in her bed. The hougu of a cross was lying in the palm of her hand, next to the jewel Khamsin gave her all those months ago. She really did wish to be with Sakai, but how was it possible? Shana was in an entirely different world together with Sakai. There’s no way to touch somebody across a river, unless you’re on that side to begin with.
Yuji jumped back from Shana’s attack just in time. “Well, this has certainly been an improvement,” said Shana with a smile on her face. “Tomorrow we’ll contact Margery and have her teach you how to use your power of existence to create unrestricted spells.”
Yuji’s face remained firm. “That’s all for tonight?” he asked. “Let’s continue. I still have much more to go until I can fight alongside with you.”
“Sakai Yuji,” came the deep voice from Shana’s pendent. “I can understand your resolve. But you should know your own limits. Jumping into an unnecessary battle will both hurt you and the flame haze who try to protect you afterwards.”
Sakai looked up at the fuzetsu. As normal, it had the silver tint to it flowing around in all directions. Even though Margery had managed to destroy the silver lurking inside of him, he still couldn’t get away from making silver fuzetsu’s.
“It’s alright,” said Shana, coming over to Yuji. “Since Margery destroyed the silver, she doesn’t care what color your Fuzetsu is. You’ll be alright. Your body must have just accustomed itself to that color.”
Yuji nodded. The crimson light and silver tinge disappeared from around them. “It still feels strange using all this power,” said Yuji.
Shana smiled. “You can become strong, Yuji.” This was her chance! Shana wrapped her arm around Yuji’s shoulder. “We can become strong.”
Yuji didn’t seem to notice at first. But as soon as he did, he jumped. “Shana!” he said, flicking her arm off. “What are you doing?”
Shana’s face suddenly resembled the fuzetsu. “Urusai! Urusuai! Urusai!” she shouted. “Comforting you isn’t a crime now, is it?”
Shana walked into the old house of the torch she was pretending to be. Up until recently Wilhelmina Carmel had been living with her, trying to learn the ways of a normal life. Her backpack still lay in the corner of the room, slowly collecting dust. Tears fell from Shana’s eyes. “Wilhelmina,” she said, crying.
The night before, the beautiful whim Pheles began to attack. But, without warning, something erupted from Yuji’s chest, trying to kill Pheles. Margery, in a fit of rage after seeing the silver for a second time, entered inside the storm and pulled the thing out. The silver she had searched so long far never was anything powerful in terms of Tomogara. It just hurt her too deeply, so she destroyed it in one fell swoop. Satisfied her goal was complete, she left the fuzetsu.
Yuji fell to the ground, caught by Shana. “So,” said Pheles, looking at Shana, “You’ll get in the way of my love?”
Wilhelmina stood between them. “You will not lay a hand on her, ~de arimasu~” Pheles was not concerned, so she began to ambush Wilhelmina with wind, crashing her into the wall.
“Carmel-san,” she said, “I thought we were allies before. What happened to that?” She slowly walked over to Shana, who held the unconscious Yuji in her arms. “Girl,” said Pheles, a smile on her face, “Let go of my love.”
“What use is it!” should Shana. “Besides, he is my love!”
Pheles’ smile turned sinister. “Or so you think.” With one fell swoop she pushed Shana out of the way. “Johan,” she said, talking the Yuji. “Johan, can you hear me? It’s me, Pheles.” Yuji’s eyes opened. “I’m coming to find you.” She thrust her hand inside Yuji’s chest, causing him insurmountable pain.
Shana looked inside the rubble of the wall. There lay Wilhelmina, anguish in her eyes. “Shana…” she said slowly, “it seems my turn is at an end, ~de arimasu~”
Tiamat added in, “Conclusion.”
Shana looked at Wilhelmina. “What are you talking about? You look fine to me.” After all, Wilhelmina didn’t seem to have any broken bones or scratches. Rather, she just lay on the rubble immobile.
“That took too much power of existence,” said Wilhelmina. “It is my turn to depart, ~de arimasu~”. With a sudden flash of light, the existence disappeared entirely, and in its place the headband fell to the ground.
Shana took the headband. “Why?” she asked, turning to Pheles, who had just attacked Yuji. “Why would you go as far,” she said while picking up her sword, “as to kill your only friend in the world?”
“You’re annoying,” said Pheles. She grabbed the downwards thrust of Shana’s sword in her hand. Throwing her away, she turned back to Yuji. “Just a little more, Johan, and we’ll be together.”
“Stop!” came a voice. But it wasn’t Shana this time. Instead, on the other end of the rooftop, there was Yoshida Kazumi on her hands and knees, begging. “I beg you, don’t do this to Yuji!”
Pheles’ eyes opened. Sure enough, there on the rooftop were the same feelings as she had when she was more newly born into the world. This girl really was something amazing.
“That stupid girl Kazumi saved Yuji’s life,” said Shana to the picture of Margery. “What about my love didn’t make Pheles stop? Is there a difference in love?” She tossed the picture back to the table top.
Yuji lay in his bed, looking up at the ceiling. A toll outside, and midnight struck. As usual, Yuji felt the strange sensation of his power of existence restoring. “Would I go back?” he asked, turning over. If he could have a chance to return to his old life, knowing full well that he would someday die, but also giving up his power, would he do it?
Yoshida continued to stare at the cross in her hand. It was then that she felt it. “Something is coming!” she said.
The next day, Yoshida, Yuji, and Shana were all studying in school while the snow fell outside. Shana’s eyes burst open as the room changed to a crimson, and all motion ceased. “Déjà vu?” asked Yuji, looking around the room. Sure enough, everyone was in the same position as that day so many months ago when the Rinne attacked the school. However, Yoshida Kazumi was moving.
“Oh, you don’t need to see this,” said Shana, walking over to Kazumi.
“What?” said Kazumi, surprised. Shana thrust her hand into her chest and tore off the jewel around her neck. Kazumi froze, as if becoming petrified.
“Shana!” shouted Yuji, “What did you do that for? She could be of use!”
Shana shook her head. “No,” she said, “There is no use for a normal human in a battle. She’s just been a hindrance to us so far. Hey, we could even get the Tomogara to suck out her power of existence, and we’d be in far better shape than before.”
“Shana!” said Yuji, turning even more visibly angry. “What’s wrong with you?” Shana’s eyes widened, shocked at Yuji’s words. “And to think that I could befriend someone like you.” He strode by Shana and ripped the jewel out of her hands.
“It’s useless,” said Shana. “She won’t mobilize inside this fuzetsu, even if you were to touch her with the jewel.”
Yuji glared at Shana. “You take care of the Tomogara,” he said. “I’ll stay here to make sure that you don’t direct him at this classroom.” Shana’s eyes began to tear. “You deserve it,” he said, tying the jewel back around Kazumi’s neck.
Shana ran out of the classroom in tears. Why wouldn’t Yuji accept her? Even when she was trying to gain some time for them to be alone, her plans only backfired. “I’ll never lose,” she repeated to herself, running up to the staircase. But what if she already had?
On the rooftop stood a Tomogara. He didn’t seem to be anything special, just a gigantic fish with legs. “So, you’re the one who caused this commotion,” said Shana, angrily. “I’ll put an end to this.” She ran and the Tomogara.
Alastor shouted “Shana! Don’t be hasty!” But Shana was still in a blind rage from Yuji’s idiocy.
“Urusai, Urusai, Urusai!” she shouted at Alastor. A gasp of shock came from inside of the pendent. Shana had really started to go too far.
“Stupid girl,” said the fish tomogara. With that, it blew a stream of fire out of its mouth. Shana, too close to dodge, was instantly engulfed.
Yuji’s eyes widened. He felt Shana’s existence disappear in a flash, and knew that she had fallen. Had bal masque already started a final assault? But, why? After all, they had just attacked two days ago.
The fish floated outside of the classroom. “Well, I guess I can start in here,” it said, laughing. It didn’t notice Yuji. Immediately, it began to suck existences from the room, starting with Kazumi.
“Kazumi!” cried Yuji, hovering over her. He had lost one friend already, he didn’t want to lose two.
Something began to glow inside of Kazumi’s chest. The power of existence flowing to the Tomogara began to disappear, and instead, it all focused around her chest. Kazumi’s body began to lose shape, and eventually, it just disappeared into a small cross. A flash of light came, and Pheles stood in the spot where Kazumi once lay.
“What a strange Tomogara,” she said. In one swoop, she thrust a beam of light at the Tomogara, who shattered instantaneously. “I guess Kazumi really did love you, Sakai,” she said, returning to the spot where Kazumi had laid. “Unlike Shana’s desire to have you to herself, Kazumi wanted you to be happy. So, she summoned me even beyond her control.” Pheles created a small beacon of light, and soon, Kazumi’s body was replaced by a torch.
“How long will she last?” asked Yuji, gazing down on her.
Pheles shook her head. “That’s up to you,” she said. “She can either disappear as a torch and be erased from everyone’s memories, or I can create a second Reiji Maigo to allow her to live forever, at which point you will be both attacked continually, or…”
With a bright flash of light Pheles disappeared, and in her place stood a man Yuji had known once long ago. Rammies, the corpse collector, smiled. “I could try my unrestricted spell and create new life.” Yuji stared at Rammies in shock. Pheles and Rammies were the same person?
“New life?” asked Yuji.
“The unrestricted spell I’ve worked so hard for replaces the torch inside of a person with a newer and fuller power of existence. It requires an absurd amount of power of existence, but I should have just enough for two people. In other words, you, and Kazumi.” Rammies smiled. Yuji looked at the old Tomogara’s eye, and then nodded.
Epilogue:
Five years later, Kazumi and Yuji sat on their chairs in the garden, while Yuji was recounting this memory for Kazumi. “It wasn’t much later that you confessed, was it Kazumi?” asked Yuji.
Kazumi laughed. “You did sacrifice an eternity for me. How could I resist any longer?” She took another sip of her tea.
Yuji laughed. “I guess that would be why, considering that you confessed as soon as Rammies reanimated you inside of that Fuzetsu.”
Kazumi smiled. “We still see Fuzetsu’s every so often, don’t we?”
Yuji looked out to the crimson hemisphere just ahead. “Well, Rammies unrestricted spell wasn’t perfect,” he said. “Let’s go back home.” Kazumi nodded.
“Come on, Shana!” shouted Kazumi. A four year old girl ran up behind them with Yuji’s eyes and Kazumi’s hair.
Also, if a moderator could change my thread title to "Chrissie's Writings", I'd appreciate it.
I think it is a bit clumsy to put "yuji" but also "sakai" in the narration. Same goes for Kazumi who is most of the time called "yoshida", this is quite weird in a sense for the third perspective.
There is one substancial complaint I would emit: the "time jump" aspect of your fanfic, which is kinda hard to follow.
I don't think there is any much things to correct in the writing style though.
The content itself might have some tweeks. The problem is most likely to stay "faithful" with some characters. Considering how the series is, the way how pheles talk is a bit out of character.
Wilhelmina's "scene" was quite brutal without much build up (there is no need for draggy setup though), hence it feels like the "departure" was random. This might be changed with some more details in the narration.
So, I needed something to procrastinate with, and honestly, I've been disappointed in the lack of this from everyone's imagination. So, I'm writing a Kawasumi Mai X Ichinose Kotomi fanfiction. It takes place after the events of Clannad, but before the events of Kanon (Meaning this is naturally out of canon with the real world.) This is merely for my entertainment whenever I want to write something outside of my VN. How long will it be? Don't know. How ofter will I release? Don't know. I just know that I got a little inspired tonight. This is Yuri genre, and it may have H-scenes, but those will obviously be censored on ASuki. I'll find somewhere to post the 18+ material soon, I'm sure.
Naturally, Kanon and Clannad spoilers exist, so don't read unless you want to be spoiled.
Spoiler for Chapter 1: The fated meeting:
The train hit a bump, jolting Kotomi awake. A large bag of books collapsed next to her, dropping and advanced physics textbook onto her lap. She looked at it and smiled. “I really hope this new town has a good home for this book,” she thought. Naturally, she had already read that book an hour before. These books were just too easy for her, so she had finished them within four hours of the start of the ride.
Kotomi looked out the window, and then her eyes suddenly sparkled. “Snow!” she said, smiling. It was true. For as far as she could see small flakes of snow were falling in their dreamy sleep, just waiting to join all their friends on the ground.
“Excuse me, miss…” said the train director. “Are you awake?”
Kotomi turned to the director with a smile on her face. She stood up immediately and bowed. “Nice to meet you. From class 3-A, Ichinose Kotomi. I like reading. I would be happy if you would be my friend.”
“Um… yeah,” said the director. “Your stop is the next one.”
Kotomi blinked. “Ah,” she said, pulling out a small container. “Would you like to share my bento? The egg rolls are a little overcooked, but the rest came out…”
“I’m not interested,” said the director. He quickly moved away from this strange girl to help other passengers.
“Such a nice man,” said Kotomi with a smile on her face. She grabbed an egg roll and plopped it into her mouth.
The train came to a halt, and Kotomi jumped off with a smile. In one hand was a briefcase containing the two most important treasures to her: A violin that her friends had repaired for her, and a teddy bear from her parents. Even though she did find such happiness, she still found it hard to break out of her old habits. She still carried scissors around wherever she went, and still spent most of her time reading. “After all,” said Kotomi to herself, “Is there anything wrong with becoming a splendid person?”
“Ah, welcome,” said a woman smiling in the snow. She had blue hair just like Kotomi, but she kept hers tied in a long ponytail. “You must be Kotomi-chan?”
“Nice to meet you. From class 3-A, Ichinose Kotomi. I like reading. I would be happy if you would be my friend.”
The woman blushed and put a hand on her face. “I certainly hope we become more than friends, Kotomi-chan” she said. “After all, I am going to become your mother.”
“Thank you, Akiko-san” said Kotomi. It was true. Kotomi had met and learned to love a boy named Tomoya-kun in the third year of her high school. And he introduced her to a new family all of her own, with the younger child Nagisa, the motherly Tomoyo, and the hot tempered sister, Kyou. It was almost like playing house all over again.
But it was Tomoya-kun who suggested that Kotomi stay back a year. After all, she deserved another chance at high school life, another chance to make friends, and not have to rely on him. Kotomi loved Tomoya-kun, but his heart was already given to another. So he was the one who told Kotomi that she had to find someone else to love. She had to make friends on her own.
“Akiko-san,” said Kotomi, “If it is alright with you, can we go to the library?”
“Approved!” said Akiko with a smile. Kotomi shivered, and Akiko smiled. “It sure is different, moving here from the south,” she said. “Now, let’s go.”
The library was empty, just like Kotomi was used to. “Um… excuse me,” she said to the librarian behind the counter.
“Ah, yes, what is it?” asked the librarian. Kotomi was a little startled, but she regained her composure.
“Um… If it’s alright… I was wondering if you could possibly give these books a new home?” Kotomi passed the bag to the Librarian. She didn’t want to throw these books out. After all, one must respect books.
The librarian looked at the books uninterested. And then, frowning, she tossed one into the trash bin.
It was like a lightning bolt for Kotomi. How could anyone treat books like mere trash? “Um… Why did you throw that out?”
“We have a copy of it already,” said the librarian.
“But…” said Kotomi, “One must respect books!”
The librarian frowned. “Would you like a library card?”
“Oh, yes please,” said Kotomi. With this card, she could find much better homes for all of these books. There were surely better places than the home of the librarian who’d throw a book in with other junk.
“Well, then I’ll need a name.” Kotomi’s world turned black. How could this be? There was a library where she was just a guest? Nobody in the library universe knew her name!
“Three hiragana characters, Kotomi,” said Kotomi. “You may call me Kotomi-chan.”
“I see,” said the librarian. “It’ll be ready in ten minutes. Why don’t you check out our newest releases while you’re waiting?”
“I understand,” said Kotomi. Traumatized, she wandered to the nearby stand. She looked through all the various books. These weren’t interesting, she thought while perusing through. “Guess I’ll read them later,” she said.
Then she bumped into someone. “Oh, I’m sorry,” said Kotomi, bowing. “Nice to meet you. From Class 3-A, Ichinose Kotomi. I like reading. I’d be happy if you’d become my friend.”
The girl returned a stone expression while placing a book back onto the shelf. Kotomi just managed to read the title of “Ancient sword techniques.”
“Kawasumi Mai,” she said. She wouldn’t talk beyond that and turned to the door.
Just felt like writing today, so I started a story called "Ushio After", which takes place when Ushio of Clannad is a 3rd year in high school. No real schedule of releases or any claims of consistency. I'm just writing for fun.
Spoiler for Ushio After 01:
The clouds gathered in the endless sky. Today would be a rainy day. I should've known to bring an umbrella. Looks like I'd be stuck at school once the day ends.
I walked up the hill, sparkled pink with cherry blossoms. If only today was sunny, they would've sparkled like the dew on a blade of grass. Well, things cannot always be perfect.
"Yo," came a voice from behind me. It was kind of hollow and raspy, so I knew immediately who it must've been. Turning around, the image of a first year came into my vision. A girl taller than me with blue hair tied back into a ponytail, and dark purple eyes. "I see you forgot your umbrella."
Ichinose Manami, the girl who called me her sempai the first day of class, held out an umbrella to me. "I brought an extra in case you forgot to bring one." Manami had quite a lot of faith in her sempai, evidently. A light drop splashed into my hair. "Oh, that's a shame," she said. "The people on television said it wouldn't start until later this afternoon. Well, let's go." I nodded, and we headed off to the school.
We passed the keystone on the gate which clearly read "1972". Back then, there was just one old school building where all the classes were held. A newer section was added in the 90s, until the old one was torn down in 2006 for an even newer section. It was strange to think of it, considering that the new section for my parents now was considered the old school building. Time must really fly by.
Arriving in the class, we plugged our laptops in and waiting for the homeroom teacher to arrive. "So, what did you do over the weekend?" asked Manami.
"Nothing too much," I laughed. "Just read a couple of books, watched some television, lazed around. Pretty dull, if you ask me."
Manami's eyes lit up with the word "books". "Have you finished the books I lent you, yet? Do you need any more?" No, I don't think I'd be needing any more of your kinds of books... I don't know how any first year would ever believe that a book on string theory was of interest. In fact, I don't know how any human would find that book interesting.
"No, no, I haven't finished them," I smiled. They still have not collected enough dust to make a miniature statue, so obviously they were not finished. "I'll be sure to tell you when I do." Manami's smile disappeared. After a couple seconds of awkward silence, I said hesitantly "What did you do this weekend?"
Manami beamed right back up. "I spent all weekend preparing for my recital after school." She glanced outside. "Though that doesn't look like it is going to happen after all."
"Well, I'd be glad to hear it," I smiled. "Are you still using your mother's violin?"
Manami nodded. "Although it is a bit decrepid, it is a very nice violin. It's just a wonder that it's managed to survive all these years, considering how much stress she put on it." I shivered. Manami's mother was fairly well known for her violin of horrors. I suppose Manami inherited the musical gene from her father... Although, on second thought, her father wasn't that great of a musician either.
"Manami, shouldn't you be going to your class soon?" asked the class rep. "Bell's about to ring, you know." Our class rep, Hiiragi Hisako, walked over with a stern look on her face. "You ought to get a move on," she said. Manami, slightly scared of the stern class rep, bowed politely and then ran out of the classroom.
Hisako waited until Manami was clearly out of the room before letter her face relax into a more natural friendlier emotion. "I don't know how long I can keep this up, Ushio," she said. "Why do they have to be scared of me? Why?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "By the way, Hisako, why didn't you tell me that it was going to rain today?"
Hisako's eyes turned cold. "Do I look like a weather forecaster?"
I quickly shook my head and waved my hand. "No, no, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, you play with those fortune telling cards all the time, you must know how to make a prediction by now!"
Hisako laughed, pulling out an old tattered set of tarot cards. "These?" she asked. She pulled out a card and lay it on the desk. On it was a picture of death, so I braced myself for a bad fortune. That was when I say in th corner a small symbol written on a piece of paper.
"What... is this?" I asked.
"See the A? That mean Ace. The little symbol there is a spade. So, this is the ace of spades." She smiled. "This is nothing more than a playing card deck that i made."
I blinked.
"Do you have any idea how much these cost! A playing card deck you could probably get at a one hundred yen store!"
Hisako laughed it off. "My mother won't let me get a regular deck of cards. She said that playing cards are very inaccurate when it comes to predictions. Well, I can't really break her heart to tell her I just want to play cards, so this is what I do." She smiled. "Well, there's the teacher. To the next break."
The bell rung, and the classes of the day started.
2008-01-12, 19:37
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This is Yuri genre, and it may have H-scenes, but those will obviously be censored on ASuki. I'll find somewhere to post the 18+ material soon, I'm sure.
