AnimeSuki Forums

aka Providence · 2008-03-28, 01:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by chibamonster

@aka Providence: I think there certainly can be some heavy cannons and maybe single shot hand held guns but I want them to be heavy, inaccurate, slow loading, strange shaped, and with a lot of recoil. No machine guns or semi automatic. This is so the warfare has to be more up close and personal as the technology for weapons is still under development. I think the mechanic girl needs goggles more than any normal glasses, and drop down lenses to see tiny parts. I also imagine her wearing gloves that are too big, carrying tools on her belt at all times and having a smudge of oil on her cheek.

hell yeah! you must be a mind reader since i had the same thoughts, both for the guns and the girl. i was also thinking about the idea of having knights, or to be specific, the evolution of sword-and-shield type knights to more gun/tech savvy elite soldiers. swords are still used, though with less emphasis.

lol, one other version of the mechanic girl i imagine is a female version of kamina from Gurren Lagann.

aka Providence · 2008-03-28, 02:00

oh yeah, i forgot, i had some ideas for characters leaning in more to the roles of an antagonist. this is just one of the minor ones i thought as the major ones are yet to be complete on several aspects.

an older version of the 'walking nuke': he's the walking bomb that's ready to go boom. someone has mentioned a minotaur before which became the basis for my idea of its physical design. in a nutshell, he wears an armor that resembles a half-bull, half-one man destroyer. the main role for the armor is that is stores valuable chemicals that keep him alive, and more importantly, sane. i see a lot of cables and tubes around him, too, in order to keep the image of a living weapon going.

derelict88 · 2008-03-28, 02:04

Seems big. I am going to stay on the fence on this one. See where this goes...

chibamonster · 2008-03-28, 03:19

So, as I said, I have been thinking almost involuntarily about this story a bit. This just kind of popped into my head as people have been giving suggestions. I figured I may as well write it out because it seemed interesting to me. I do not really have a plan for where it would go after this but I figured it would not hurt to post it anyway. Tenative story idea I have in my head right now, feel free to comment:

-Same intro I wrote up before with the 2 kids watching a war ship go by. Then Several years later. (I'll mention at some point that the boy from the intro died.)

-Mechanic girl has a rather busy life in the country and goes out on errands to fix peoples old mechanical objects. She needs to hurry back home to make it to a festival. She is part of the celebration. The Master Craftsman she is under/ caretaker is there to support her.

-During the festival the crowd hears noises of a small war ship and everyone scrambles to hide from a possible attack. The Master does not run for cover but towards his shop, he knows the noise and seems to realize something. He tells the mechanic to get his weapon. The object is headed to a crash landing in the forest and is badly damaged even in flight. The Master gets on an animal (like a horse or some other creature, maybe a riding dragon) and heads off towards the crash, the mechanic girl jumping to his side after fetching his weapons still in her festival outfit. A couple of town warriors follow along.

-They reach the crash site and discover the ship with part of its side missing but still recognizable. The master runs to check for survivors mechanic close behind. He sees a woman working to pull some debris off of an unconscious injured boy. The master and the warriors run to help. The woman thanks the Master by name, and not the name we have heard before. He is surprised. She introduces herself and while he does not know her face he knows the name. They take the woman and boy back to the village to treat their wounds.

-The Master is angry that The woman (Knight) has come to the village looking for him. He says that he has left the empire's eternal war. He also has his 'daughter/apprentice' to worry about. He says that he knows the boys injuries were not from the crash and that is already too much information. He will not even hear what she wants him to do because that will put everyone he cares for in danger.

-He cannot join her in her quest but he can fix her ship to get rid of her. The mechanic girl watches over the wounded boy, who mutters strange things in his sleep. The Master wants to keep the boy's presence as secret as possible. They bring the ship back to his shop and they work on it while the Knight watches over the boy. The mechanic girl loves the ship because she has only read about something as advanced. She asks questions about it but her Master only gives her short responses. "Is this a fast ship?" "Yes." "You can tell that from the engine?" "No, I can tell because I built it."

- The boy wakes up. At first he is shy and they struggle to change his bandages as he will move away. Soon he is fascinated by everything but talks very little spending his time watching others and anything alive. He stares outside at any chance he gets which gets him in trouble because he is supposed to be secret. The ships repairs are nearing completion and in a few days it will be back at full speed.

-The boy suddenly starts acting very strange and out of character. He is panicking. He says, "He found me, He is coming." As they try to understand what he is saying the sky goes dark. A full sized war ship with a fully armed entourage blocks out the sun as it descends gradually down to the ground. The villagers run for the woods.

-We see the control center of the large war ship. A man asks, "Are you sure this is it?" a twisted man replies, "I can sense him."

-The knight runs to start the small war ship, which is still missing many pieces like a side of the cockpit. It stutters and stalls. She tells the boy to get in which he does, trembling. The mechanic girl works frantically to get the engine started. The Master working on another piece of the ship tells her to bypass a system, which she does and it starts up. Troops from the war ship are swarming the outskirts of the village rounding people up. The mechanic girl hops down from the ship because she needs to hand start the system she disconnected. Her master picks her up and throws her into the cockpit telling the Knight to take her with them. The knight nods and the Master hand starts the engine himself.

-The craft takes off destroying the garage and flies away. People on the ground make another run for it in the aftermath. Larger ships follow behind as they attempt to catch the ship by ensnaring it. They want them alive. The engine starts having problems and it cannot maintain power. The mechanic girl, now crying from leaving her Master, bites her lip and climbs up to keep the engine working. The Knight works on outmaneuvering the other ships. The mechanic spots the problem; a hot pipe is lose. She reaches for a tool on her belt but it is not there. The mechanic girl wraps her gloved hand quickly with cloth and holds the hot pipe in place as she works to reattach it. She screams and lets go as her hand burns. A ship has them partially ensnared with wire and is approaching quickly. The Knight lets her know their situation. The mechanic winces as she grabs the pipe again, working desperately to keep it in place. The boy's uncovered hand shoots forward to hold the pipe. She fastens it quickly.

-They make their get away from the other ships. The mechanic whimpers quietly holding her burned hand. The Knight explains she did not mean for any of that to happen but has few words of sympathy. She has seen plenty of things like this before. The boy says thank you and smiles for the first time. His hand is not burned. They are headed to meet up with the Knights (pirate) ship

.

-On the ground the villagers are all rounded up and sitting on the ground. The commander of the vessel recognizes the Master and smiles. They have history...

derelict88 · 2008-03-28, 03:55

Do I have to wait a month for the next episode? More more mooooorrrreeee!

Those are fantastic. I am a visual thinker in that whatever I read I need to change it into a picture of sort than make those words morph into actions as I devour it. I guess thats why I can never get to grasp grammer and what not. Rofl! Anyways like I was saying what came into mind was kinda neat. Hear me out when I gobbled those words.

Well what I see is Last Exile (because of the machanic chic) to Valley of the Winds (due to airship and silhuette and valley and warrior chic in Knightly gear). the Knight have characters reminds me of the chic in Princess Mononoke due to the woodland and getup. The boy is like a dude version of Laputa. Hehehe

Well I like it all the same!

Edit: Check this out
http://sky.crawlers.jp/index.html enjoy.

chibamonster · 2008-03-28, 04:47

Hehe, well, I have been reading Nausica and the valley of the wind, one of my favorite movies is princess monoke, Last Exile is still sitting on my desk with a daredevil action figure on top of it, and I love Laputa although it is not sitting on my desk at the moment. There... may have been some unintentional influence... sort of like how commercials for Wendy's make me think, "I need to go to Wendy's." Oh that Junior Bacon Cheese Burger. I have no excuse. I also thought kind of chase scene from star wars when the millenium falcon is getting away from the star destroyers x number of times, with the mechanical girl as R2D2. And the intro to star wars with the ship being boarded. For the beginning of the girls life in the villaige I am thinking a slow life like Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou, although we would not get to see much of that.

Hmmm, other things I have on my desk; Escaflowne the movie: we could have the bomb kid drop out of the sky and take out an entire airship full of people in killing machine mode, I would not mind

. Actually, I kind of like that idea a lot now that I think about it. FF7 for PC: the bomb kid is a clone of a much more powerful super bomb person who supposedly died long ago but searches for his mother. I have not beaten FF12 yet so we will definitely going to get a flying continent and places airships cannot go. Strangely enough I actually like these ideas. Uh oh, the easily influenced mind. I am so transparent!

There is one thing I just thought of that I want to add to the story; The Master has a tattoo that responds to a device the Knight carries with her. It is how she located him. She will give it to the mechanic to show that he is still alive. The Leader from the other ship also knows the symbol and looks for it to confirm the mans identity. I think it will be on his chest or back. It is not a mark of loyalty or of allegiance; it is the brand of a slave.

And I mentioned it before, but to tweak the audiences' perception I want the bomb kid missing an arm and an eye from the moment we meet him. He'll have to wear an eye patch or something. Maybe also a limp for a while and uses a crutch/cane. I want sympathy for him so when it turns out that he is super powerful it is more shocking. I am thinking Karas style fighting with this guy because I just watched that too... (check out the intro to the first episode if you have not seen it).

I liked that video. Very pretty animation. The sky fights in many other shows really lack movement because they do not have a reference point to base it off of when animated. But when they add in clouds, a city, the ground, or contrails from the planes suddenly it gets a lot more intense because there is a sensation of movement and it becomes a roller coaster ride. I forgot to mention it earlier, but I did see 5 centimeters a second and I really really liked it. The voice acting was great, the art was incredible, and the story was that could be easily related to anyone.

derelict88 · 2008-03-28, 04:58

OMG! Off topic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8onXFolVS4Y check it out!
Its the latest from production IG yet again. Man they do some nice anime.

Anyways the link is about Real Drive the same dudes that brought u GITS.

emessen · 2008-03-28, 05:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by derelict88

this was done some time back but I thot why not... I think the style is still relevent. Please advice.

Spoiler for pix:

Edit: Damn... not good at linking... ROFL

holy crap... i didnt know that Sam Liu, a professional comic book artist that has worked for Dark Horse Comics, Image Comics, Marvel Comics, Wildstorm Productions and Awesome Entertainment posted on these forums!

that picture is something you drew for White Wolf Publications? I recognize your work instantly!

http://www.itchstudios.com/

http://www.itchstudios.com/itch/illo_exalted.html

derelict88 · 2008-03-28, 05:18

Cheers mate. Currently an in Lucasfilm helping them brainstorm their new series. You should be able to watch it soon.

I go around getting new 'artist' involve in our industry. Who knows where that will lead for most of them.

aka Providence · 2008-03-28, 05:33

@chibamonster: i like your idea. in any case, i had done some thinking about the story on my own so if you don't mind here's my own spin to it.

-the intro: basically it's the same with yours, with some minor differences. the country they live in isn't at war, though they're in a stage where an army is being developed to expand territory. the two children see the ship, and fast forward to my version...

-years have passed. the boy is now a soldier, and it's been a long time since he saw the girl. he's a moot point to the story right now so there's not much to say here.

-the girl, however, is a mechanic. she also works for the country, mainly transporting and repairing machines around the country. as the story begins she had just finished a job and has accepted to work on creating an engine for airship to be used by the army. she's the assistant project leader here, and at the moment has no idea on who would be her superior.

-moving on, to the story of the knight. a recent skirmish with the enemy has left him badly wounded, not to mention that almost his entire squad was slaughtered due to a careless mistake on his part. he had contemplated suicide, and is about to do so in the privacy of his room when the demon in him re-awakens.

-the demon mocks him slightly for not using his powers to save his men, and asks if commiting suicide is the only thing he will follow as a knight. the code of being a knight here borrows heavily on bushido, by the way. "there is no thou shall and thou shall not, only i will and i will not." it's unsure if the knight or the demon is the one speaking, but after that the knight is on the road to recovering his own wounds. in any case, his next job would be to join the crew of a certain warship being developed by a certain mechanic.

edit: er, the story for the walking nuke seems to be missing, please hold until i get it written down again.

derelict88 · 2008-03-28, 05:40

Well, since one of you managed to spot who I am it is only right that I should prepare budding creative entrepreneurs.

Ask me anything you want I wills help as best I can but know that I left the comic industry due to the shortfall in the collective purchasing power. Manga on the otherhand is on an upswing. I am here thanks to my kid brother who kept insisting that the comic industry isnt dead.

Anyways I am happy what I am doing right now but one day I do wish to return to my hobby. Drawing comics.

chibamonster · 2008-03-28, 06:06

@ aka Providence: The Knight part really interested me. It sounds like the Mechanic and the Soldier were just at their day job at this point of development. Love to hear what they do.

I really like the dialog idea between the knight and the demon though. I want to put that in the story for sure. After I wrote my plot idea out I had a few things I wanted to add but did not get to yet. One thing I would put in is the Knight saying, "not yet... not yet..." or something along those lines as the warship descended to keep her blood from boiling and the demon from sending her over the edge. Even with her powers she knew escape was the only choice at that moment to complete her revenge/plans. Her being borderline is something I had not thought about though. Reading your post is giving me all sorts of ideas, I think we could easily integrate both aspects as they do not seem mutually exclusive.

This is just me but I think that I would prefer the demon to remain silent for most of the time. Well at least silent to the audience, it can be driving her insane and probably will be. So we do not know what is going on in her head. Instead we could rely on the beauty of visual communication to show her struggle; flash images of the demon's form behind her, or show its power rippling through her. Maybe the bomb kid can hear it, or maybe others could see it when she fully lets it control her body. I think that approach would give much more mystery to her character and her struggle could be illustrated visually as opposed to by the demons exposition. I mean we all have crazy ideas we don't act on that seem to come from someone different from us; it is what we chose to do when 'tempted' that defines who we are, not the temptation itself. Tidbits of dialog from the monster, like the echo from a nightmare when she wakes up could be fairly powerful though.

@ derelict88: well now that your cover is blown. Some of the people in the claymore forum are going to feel like tools but I'm not giving you any special treatment!

I too am excited for ghost in the shell anything. Oh how ghost in the shell reinvented my world. I watched it in 8th grade and thought about it for 2 days before it made any sense to me. It was like my mind had to expand to comprehend what had just happened to me, like auto-evolution or something. I am sure monks who meditate on a mountain for like 30 years feel the same way. You know, if they watched Ghost in the Shell.

derelict88 · 2008-03-28, 06:18

Well I did give you a clue privately

That aside I have been a reader in this forums for a time (3 months counting is a long time!). The original reason is lost but since I work in the animation industry now (and games from time to time) I was curious to find out the ins and out that made manga such a hit in our collective industry! If you notice or happen to watch batman we tried going in that general direction and it paid off!

For you young one I do see potential. I have notice you especially which indirectly made me sign on and made small suggestions. Lol As my father use to say, he lost most 'battles' with my mom due to passive suggestions. **wink**

I will 'try' to help out and maybe introduce you to the proper channel and see where that will these young entrepreneurs. The other hint that I tried to give is try to start from small. Mind you it is good the flesh the story out but once that is done start it off small. Concentrate on the characters than only introduce the environment.

Good luck!

Edit: BTW three Tokyopop top brass is lurking in the forums as well. Lol

chibamonster · 2008-03-28, 06:38

@derelict88: That is actually quite a compliment. Thanks! But hey! don't think you are getting out of helping us work on this

Unlike obi-wan kenobi you don't get to dissappear after you give the sage advice. Nope, back to light saber training where you watch us get zapped.

aka Providence · 2008-03-28, 07:12

lol, this is getting very fun and interesting. I might not be able to draw but at the very least I'll be able to help out storyline-wise.

anyhoo, about the knight and the demon. I was thinking the same thing about the demon not being seen, but as far as personality goes my idea is a bit different. Like I said before, the demon itself is quite ambiguous, having no prior memories before being summoned. Most of the personality had been influenced by the thoughts and emotions of the Knight, which makes her feel and fear that she is in fact evil deep down inside. Also, repeated use of the power makes the Knight and the Demon more bound together, combining their thoughts into one ugly resevoir of conflict. While going insane isn't out of the question, there are other things that could happen when things go bad.

Enara · 2008-03-28, 11:32

I would like to have a female girl to be 16 to 20 she need's to be smart and if she shoot's gun's it need's to be the silent cool.

aka Providence · 2008-03-28, 12:35

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enara

I would like to have a female girl to be 16 to 20 she need's to be smart and if she shoot's gun's it need's to be the silent cool.

mm, i've always thought that steampunk-style weapons to be bulky and at most times, noisy (with the exception of swords, of course). however, how about a mechanized crossbow instead of a gun?

in any case, here's my two cents regarding the character's weapons and fighting:

the mechanic: she's no expert, but at the very least she knows how to use and assemble guns and rifles, and should be aware that a wrench isn't just for fixing machines. physically, she should be strong enough since she has to carry a lot of tools with her.

the knight: s/he should be versatile as a fighter, adept at using many weapons from experience in combat, both long and close range weapons. despite not being as strong compared to much larger men/women, s/he is a quick thinker and can easily make use of the surroundings. his/her endurance to injury is exceptional, and would be far greater when the demon takes over. if there ever would be a time when the knight is knocked unconscious, the demon would take complete control in order to survive. in that form, the demon ignores injury and pain while fighting with much more strength and skill. the flip side to this is that the state of the body will worsen, due to the fact that broken bones are broken bones, and that the blood is not infinite. in time, the body could stop functioning, if the demon pushed the limits too much.

the walking nuke: brute power is the key here. he's made to kill as much people in a short amount of time, using close-range weapons most of the time. despite having almost as much experience as the knight, there is litte room for new skills since most of his opponents tend to break with a single blow. he's the one who's the least savvy in the long-range weapons department, but if the strength is ridiculous enough, we could make him carry... say, a howitzer/cannon for special occasions.

and... that's about it, since i just thought this out after reading the above post. i'm still thinking about a giant-chainsaw/sword though.

tenken627 · 2008-03-28, 15:23

Hmmmm. When I think of a mechanic girl set in a steam punk world, Winry from FMA always pops in my head.

Still, not a bad main protagonist.

And your intro/first scene is not bad either. Maybe instead of having that boy from your first intro dying, you could say that he left the village to join the Imperial army (to pursue his dream of flying on an airship) and has been reported/presumed dead and never returned from war (this would be narrated or worked into a conversation with the mechanic in the beginning). That way, you could work him having some kind of profound effect on the mechanic (directly or indirectly) later on in the story. He could still be dead, but finding out what happened to him would reveal something to the mechanic later on. Or, he could still be alive, whether still in the army or not, and have some direct impact on the story.

About characters/weapons:

The character most likely to use a gun should be the Sky pirate captain, with an enhanced form of derringer or a type like it. Someone mentioned sky pirates before, and this is supposed to take place in a steampunk world (circa 1800's), just with airships instead of naval ships. He could be an ex-airship officer/soldier from the Imperial navy or he could have some sort of past relationship with the knight. I guess he could end up being the mechanic's friend from the past if you go the route I described above (joining the army and never to be seen again), but I think that will make it too cheesy. Maybe the sky pirate was comrades/friends with the boy in the past or somewhere along those lines.

The giant-chainsaw sword sounds good, but very grisly. I can see one of the antagonists using it.

Question about the knight:

Is the knight the only one with demon-possession? Or do all knights from this particular Empire have their own demon? When a knight becomes fully possessed, is it like berserker mode or bloodrage?

Also to be a good story, I don't think you should make this too far-fetched. Having dragons, dinosaurs and ninjas along with airships/demon possessed knights/giant machines might be a little too much.

chibamonster · 2008-03-28, 16:00

We could certainly integrate the boy from the intro to the main character motivations. We'll have to think about whether someone like that would be alive or dead. This is just something I was reminded of, but when I was in 3rd grade I had a friend who told me he wanted to be a pilot in the air force and guess what he does now? Some kids dreams do come true

.

Winry also popped into my head, or Lavi from Last Exile whenever I think of a mechanic. Also Ed from cowboy beebop. Now with mentioning the chain saw sword I keep thinking one thing; mechanized suit of armor. Chain saws are heavy, and would probably be more heavy in this steam punk world as compact mechanics would be too modern. So mechanized suits, although I am not thinking anything as mobile as a gundam for instance. Instead I think they should be fairly slow, powerful, and more of siege weapons.

Normal steam punk is 1800's but I am thinking more of revamping ancient civilizations in a, "what if they had steam powered machines?" So far the factions the civilizations that have been championed are Ancient China, Feudal Japan, Rome or Greece, Norse vikings, and techno knights. I might want to add Egypt to the list (love pyramids and pharaoh), although we'll see how the power struggle is going. But that being said, yeah, a sky pirate captain might have a heavy pistol. Have any of you looked through Dinotopia or The World Beneath? That world had a very distinct, different and magic feel I thought might be interesting to take some influence from.

Right now I think the Knight would not be the only one with a demon although it would be rare me thinks. The Knight might have used her demon differently to gain an advantage though. Maybe she has more than one? Or she is just better at using it? I am thinking when it is fully activated we could base it off what happened to real berserker's; feel no pain, grind their teeth, very strong, often die of blood loss, or something along those lines. There must be a negative consequence for using the monster. Maybe the body is continually taken over or consumed as if the flesh is its fuel.

Now another question: what makes the nuclear bomb character so dangerous? I am imagining hand to hand fighting ability and some form of telepathy/psychic ability. After looking at escaflowne sitting on my desk maybe he can be a fuel source for a new type of war machine or something? Or can he create some super blast that incinerates things? Since it seems that the bomb character is created as a weapon he probably should have a safety mechanism to keep him from going off all the time. What should it be? I am imagining a leash with some sort of magic in it right now.

aka Providence · 2008-03-28, 21:14

the mechanic girl definitely reminds me of winry, though that's just for one possibility. it all depends on the personality more, i guess. aside from winry, i also get vibes which also remind me of ed from cowboy bebop, though other vibes remind me of yomiko readman from read or die, or even kamina from gurren lagann (hell, even otacon from metal gear). one thing's for sure though, in order to make her human, and a bit more naive, she gets disturbed when she witnessess first hand that the airship she helped create is killing people. since most of the time she only helps in build the weapon/machines, which in turn leaves her little time to see what happens after testing.

-----------------------

as for the demon knight, i was thinking that continued use of power would not cause the body or mind to deteriorate. instead, both the thoughts of the demon and the knight slowly become more apparent to each other. this affects both of them -- the knight can't block out the demon's thoughts, and the same goes for the demon. with regards to the flaws and side-effects regarding her body, i was thinking more on the lines of actually improving how the body works. soon her body would need little food, water, or rest to survive. since those three are basic human needs, the lack of needing them could be a source of concern for her, since she fears losing the things making her human.

moving on the occult side of things, the demon inside her is a rare thing, at least in the era she lives in. the world is under a steampunk era, after all, not to mention that her country is in a state of expansion. swords and occult/magic is being replaced by easily mass-produced machines such as firearms and warships, with only a few retaining the old skills.

------------------

as for el walking nuke, the main idea i have on why he is feared comes from the imagination of the (normal human) people he works with. as a weapon, he's kind of like an nth generation bio-weapon, where the previous versions were know for being unstable. the bio-weapons before him were raised to be nothing more than killing machines, but due to constant contact with humans cause conflict in emotions. this is because they were programmed to show no feelings during training, which unfortunately wears down with human interaction. in the end, they either go insane, berserk, or commit suicide; often times all three would happen. the walking nuke is supposed to be much more tolerant to changes, or so their developers say. he was also made to have a near-perfect memory, meaning that he can't forget anything, which could be a real bugger in the long run for him.

with regards to power, i actually percieve that there's not much difference compared to the demon knight, in a way. due to several modifications in the body, he needs litte food, water and rest to function, though added features include not only resistance to poison, but having his own blood acting as venom to his opponents. his tolerance to pain is far greater than the demon knight, not to mention that he doesn't need a demon to go stronger. however, the main flaw to this is that he has a limit which he can't push forward. rest is a requirement for him, and when his energy runs out he stops functioning for a long time.

in a nutshell, the developers say he's safe, but those with prior experiences with older versions think otherwise, which in turn makes other people uneasy. a lot of people like to gossip, so it adds fuel to the fire which makes people think he's in fact a walking bomb. as for the enemy, they only need to see the bodies he has left in his wake to see the danger. the most simple way to control him is, like what chibamonster says, a leash, though i was thinking less magic and more machinery. a bomb, actually, which gives more weight to the term walking bomb, not to mention it's a good example of bad puns.

mm, that's about it for now. just woke up and i need breakfast -- can't think on an empty stomach, yo.

2008-03-28, 03:19	Link #64
chibamonster 'S' Class Fairy Tail Join Date: Jun 2007	The idea chibamonster had so far... So, as I said, I have been thinking almost involuntarily about this story a bit. This just kind of popped into my head as people have been giving suggestions. I figured I may as well write it out because it seemed interesting to me. I do not really have a plan for where it would go after this but I figured it would not hurt to post it anyway. Tenative story idea I have in my head right now, feel free to comment: -Same intro I wrote up before with the 2 kids watching a war ship go by. Then Several years later. (I'll mention at some point that the boy from the intro died.) -Mechanic girl has a rather busy life in the country and goes out on errands to fix peoples old mechanical objects. She needs to hurry back home to make it to a festival. She is part of the celebration. The Master Craftsman she is under/ caretaker is there to support her. -During the festival the crowd hears noises of a small war ship and everyone scrambles to hide from a possible attack. The Master does not run for cover but towards his shop, he knows the noise and seems to realize something. He tells the mechanic to get his weapon. The object is headed to a crash landing in the forest and is badly damaged even in flight. The Master gets on an animal (like a horse or some other creature, maybe a riding dragon) and heads off towards the crash, the mechanic girl jumping to his side after fetching his weapons still in her festival outfit. A couple of town warriors follow along. -They reach the crash site and discover the ship with part of its side missing but still recognizable. The master runs to check for survivors mechanic close behind. He sees a woman working to pull some debris off of an unconscious injured boy. The master and the warriors run to help. The woman thanks the Master by name, and not the name we have heard before. He is surprised. She introduces herself and while he does not know her face he knows the name. They take the woman and boy back to the village to treat their wounds. -The Master is angry that The woman (Knight) has come to the village looking for him. He says that he has left the empire's eternal war. He also has his 'daughter/apprentice' to worry about. He says that he knows the boys injuries were not from the crash and that is already too much information. He will not even hear what she wants him to do because that will put everyone he cares for in danger. -He cannot join her in her quest but he can fix her ship to get rid of her. The mechanic girl watches over the wounded boy, who mutters strange things in his sleep. The Master wants to keep the boy's presence as secret as possible. They bring the ship back to his shop and they work on it while the Knight watches over the boy. The mechanic girl loves the ship because she has only read about something as advanced. She asks questions about it but her Master only gives her short responses. "Is this a fast ship?" "Yes." "You can tell that from the engine?" "No, I can tell because I built it." - The boy wakes up. At first he is shy and they struggle to change his bandages as he will move away. Soon he is fascinated by everything but talks very little spending his time watching others and anything alive. He stares outside at any chance he gets which gets him in trouble because he is supposed to be secret. The ships repairs are nearing completion and in a few days it will be back at full speed. -The boy suddenly starts acting very strange and out of character. He is panicking. He says, "He found me, He is coming." As they try to understand what he is saying the sky goes dark. A full sized war ship with a fully armed entourage blocks out the sun as it descends gradually down to the ground. The villagers run for the woods. -We see the control center of the large war ship. A man asks, "Are you sure this is it?" a twisted man replies, "I can sense him." -The knight runs to start the small war ship, which is still missing many pieces like a side of the cockpit. It stutters and stalls. She tells the boy to get in which he does, trembling. The mechanic girl works frantically to get the engine started. The Master working on another piece of the ship tells her to bypass a system, which she does and it starts up. Troops from the war ship are swarming the outskirts of the village rounding people up. The mechanic girl hops down from the ship because she needs to hand start the system she disconnected. Her master picks her up and throws her into the cockpit telling the Knight to take her with them. The knight nods and the Master hand starts the engine himself. -The craft takes off destroying the garage and flies away. People on the ground make another run for it in the aftermath. Larger ships follow behind as they attempt to catch the ship by ensnaring it. They want them alive. The engine starts having problems and it cannot maintain power. The mechanic girl, now crying from leaving her Master, bites her lip and climbs up to keep the engine working. The Knight works on outmaneuvering the other ships. The mechanic spots the problem; a hot pipe is lose. She reaches for a tool on her belt but it is not there. The mechanic girl wraps her gloved hand quickly with cloth and holds the hot pipe in place as she works to reattach it. She screams and lets go as her hand burns. A ship has them partially ensnared with wire and is approaching quickly. The Knight lets her know their situation. The mechanic winces as she grabs the pipe again, working desperately to keep it in place. The boy's uncovered hand shoots forward to hold the pipe. She fastens it quickly. -They make their get away from the other ships. The mechanic whimpers quietly holding her burned hand. The Knight explains she did not mean for any of that to happen but has few words of sympathy. She has seen plenty of things like this before. The boy says thank you and smiles for the first time. His hand is not burned. They are headed to meet up with the Knights (pirate) ship . -On the ground the villagers are all rounded up and sitting on the ground. The commander of the vessel recognizes the Master and smiles. They have history... __________________ Tests for my graphic novel -> http://dragonfury0.deviantart.com/ <-

2008-03-28, 03:55	Link #65
derelict88 Huh! Made ya read!! :D Join Date: Feb 2008	Do I have to wait a month for the next episode? More more mooooorrrreeee! Those are fantastic. I am a visual thinker in that whatever I read I need to change it into a picture of sort than make those words morph into actions as I devour it. I guess thats why I can never get to grasp grammer and what not. Rofl! Anyways like I was saying what came into mind was kinda neat. Hear me out when I gobbled those words. Well what I see is Last Exile (because of the machanic chic) to Valley of the Winds (due to airship and silhuette and valley and warrior chic in Knightly gear). the Knight have characters reminds me of the chic in Princess Mononoke due to the woodland and getup. The boy is like a dude version of Laputa. Hehehe Well I like it all the same! Edit: Check this out http://sky.crawlers.jp/index.html enjoy. Last edited by derelict88; 2008-03-28 at 04:20.

2008-03-28, 04:47	Link #66
chibamonster 'S' Class Fairy Tail Join Date: Jun 2007	Hehe, well, I have been reading Nausica and the valley of the wind, one of my favorite movies is princess monoke, Last Exile is still sitting on my desk with a daredevil action figure on top of it, and I love Laputa although it is not sitting on my desk at the moment. There... may have been some unintentional influence... sort of like how commercials for Wendy's make me think, "I need to go to Wendy's." Oh that Junior Bacon Cheese Burger. I have no excuse. I also thought kind of chase scene from star wars when the millenium falcon is getting away from the star destroyers x number of times, with the mechanical girl as R2D2. And the intro to star wars with the ship being boarded. For the beginning of the girls life in the villaige I am thinking a slow life like Yokohama Kaidashi Kikou, although we would not get to see much of that. Hmmm, other things I have on my desk; Escaflowne the movie: we could have the bomb kid drop out of the sky and take out an entire airship full of people in killing machine mode, I would not mind . Actually, I kind of like that idea a lot now that I think about it. FF7 for PC: the bomb kid is a clone of a much more powerful super bomb person who supposedly died long ago but searches for his mother. I have not beaten FF12 yet so we will definitely going to get a flying continent and places airships cannot go. Strangely enough I actually like these ideas. Uh oh, the easily influenced mind. I am so transparent! There is one thing I just thought of that I want to add to the story; The Master has a tattoo that responds to a device the Knight carries with her. It is how she located him. She will give it to the mechanic to show that he is still alive. The Leader from the other ship also knows the symbol and looks for it to confirm the mans identity. I think it will be on his chest or back. It is not a mark of loyalty or of allegiance; it is the brand of a slave. And I mentioned it before, but to tweak the audiences' perception I want the bomb kid missing an arm and an eye from the moment we meet him. He'll have to wear an eye patch or something. Maybe also a limp for a while and uses a crutch/cane. I want sympathy for him so when it turns out that he is super powerful it is more shocking. I am thinking Karas style fighting with this guy because I just watched that too... (check out the intro to the first episode if you have not seen it). I liked that video. Very pretty animation. The sky fights in many other shows really lack movement because they do not have a reference point to base it off of when animated. But when they add in clouds, a city, the ground, or contrails from the planes suddenly it gets a lot more intense because there is a sensation of movement and it becomes a roller coaster ride. I forgot to mention it earlier, but I did see 5 centimeters a second and I really really liked it. The voice acting was great, the art was incredible, and the story was that could be easily related to anyone. __________________ Tests for my graphic novel -> http://dragonfury0.deviantart.com/ <-

2008-03-28, 05:33	Link #70
aka Providence (; ,;) fthagn Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: The End Age: 35	@chibamonster: i like your idea. in any case, i had done some thinking about the story on my own so if you don't mind here's my own spin to it. -the intro: basically it's the same with yours, with some minor differences. the country they live in isn't at war, though they're in a stage where an army is being developed to expand territory. the two children see the ship, and fast forward to my version... -years have passed. the boy is now a soldier, and it's been a long time since he saw the girl. he's a moot point to the story right now so there's not much to say here. -the girl, however, is a mechanic. she also works for the country, mainly transporting and repairing machines around the country. as the story begins she had just finished a job and has accepted to work on creating an engine for airship to be used by the army. she's the assistant project leader here, and at the moment has no idea on who would be her superior. -moving on, to the story of the knight. a recent skirmish with the enemy has left him badly wounded, not to mention that almost his entire squad was slaughtered due to a careless mistake on his part. he had contemplated suicide, and is about to do so in the privacy of his room when the demon in him re-awakens. -the demon mocks him slightly for not using his powers to save his men, and asks if commiting suicide is the only thing he will follow as a knight. the code of being a knight here borrows heavily on bushido, by the way. "there is no thou shall and thou shall not, only i will and i will not." it's unsure if the knight or the demon is the one speaking, but after that the knight is on the road to recovering his own wounds. in any case, his next job would be to join the crew of a certain warship being developed by a certain mechanic. edit: er, the story for the walking nuke seems to be missing, please hold until i get it written down again. Last edited by aka Providence; 2008-03-28 at 12:49.

2008-03-28, 06:06	Link #72
chibamonster 'S' Class Fairy Tail Join Date: Jun 2007	@ aka Providence: The Knight part really interested me. It sounds like the Mechanic and the Soldier were just at their day job at this point of development. Love to hear what they do. I really like the dialog idea between the knight and the demon though. I want to put that in the story for sure. After I wrote my plot idea out I had a few things I wanted to add but did not get to yet. One thing I would put in is the Knight saying, "not yet... not yet..." or something along those lines as the warship descended to keep her blood from boiling and the demon from sending her over the edge. Even with her powers she knew escape was the only choice at that moment to complete her revenge/plans. Her being borderline is something I had not thought about though. Reading your post is giving me all sorts of ideas, I think we could easily integrate both aspects as they do not seem mutually exclusive. This is just me but I think that I would prefer the demon to remain silent for most of the time. Well at least silent to the audience, it can be driving her insane and probably will be. So we do not know what is going on in her head. Instead we could rely on the beauty of visual communication to show her struggle; flash images of the demon's form behind her, or show its power rippling through her. Maybe the bomb kid can hear it, or maybe others could see it when she fully lets it control her body. I think that approach would give much more mystery to her character and her struggle could be illustrated visually as opposed to by the demons exposition. I mean we all have crazy ideas we don't act on that seem to come from someone different from us; it is what we chose to do when 'tempted' that defines who we are, not the temptation itself. Tidbits of dialog from the monster, like the echo from a nightmare when she wakes up could be fairly powerful though. @ derelict88: well now that your cover is blown. Some of the people in the claymore forum are going to feel like tools but I'm not giving you any special treatment! I too am excited for ghost in the shell anything. Oh how ghost in the shell reinvented my world. I watched it in 8th grade and thought about it for 2 days before it made any sense to me. It was like my mind had to expand to comprehend what had just happened to me, like auto-evolution or something. I am sure monks who meditate on a mountain for like 30 years feel the same way. You know, if they watched Ghost in the Shell. __________________ Tests for my graphic novel -> http://dragonfury0.deviantart.com/ <- Last edited by chibamonster; 2008-03-28 at 06:23.

2008-03-28, 02:00	Link #62
aka Providence (; ,;) fthagn Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: The End Age: 35	oh yeah, i forgot, i had some ideas for characters leaning in more to the roles of an antagonist. this is just one of the minor ones i thought as the major ones are yet to be complete on several aspects. an older version of the 'walking nuke': he's the walking bomb that's ready to go boom. someone has mentioned a minotaur before which became the basis for my idea of its physical design. in a nutshell, he wears an armor that resembles a half-bull, half-one man destroyer. the main role for the armor is that is stores valuable chemicals that keep him alive, and more importantly, sane. i see a lot of cables and tubes around him, too, in order to keep the image of a living weapon going.

2008-03-28, 02:04	Link #63
derelict88 Huh! Made ya read!! :D Join Date: Feb 2008	Seems big. I am going to stay on the fence on this one. See where this goes...

2008-03-28, 04:58	Link #67
derelict88 Huh! Made ya read!! :D Join Date: Feb 2008	OMG! Off topic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8onXFolVS4Y check it out! Its the latest from production IG yet again. Man they do some nice anime. Anyways the link is about Real Drive the same dudes that brought u GITS.

2008-03-28, 05:18	Link #69
derelict88 Huh! Made ya read!! :D Join Date: Feb 2008	Cheers mate. Currently an in Lucasfilm helping them brainstorm their new series. You should be able to watch it soon. I go around getting new 'artist' involve in our industry. Who knows where that will lead for most of them.

2008-03-28, 05:40	Link #71
derelict88 Huh! Made ya read!! :D Join Date: Feb 2008	Well, since one of you managed to spot who I am it is only right that I should prepare budding creative entrepreneurs. Ask me anything you want I wills help as best I can but know that I left the comic industry due to the shortfall in the collective purchasing power. Manga on the otherhand is on an upswing. I am here thanks to my kid brother who kept insisting that the comic industry isnt dead. Anyways I am happy what I am doing right now but one day I do wish to return to my hobby. Drawing comics.

2008-03-28, 06:18	Link #73
derelict88 Huh! Made ya read!! :D Join Date: Feb 2008	Well I did give you a clue privately That aside I have been a reader in this forums for a time (3 months counting is a long time!). The original reason is lost but since I work in the animation industry now (and games from time to time) I was curious to find out the ins and out that made manga such a hit in our collective industry! If you notice or happen to watch batman we tried going in that general direction and it paid off! For you young one I do see potential. I have notice you especially which indirectly made me sign on and made small suggestions. Lol As my father use to say, he lost most 'battles' with my mom due to passive suggestions. wink I will 'try' to help out and maybe introduce you to the proper channel and see where that will these young entrepreneurs. The other hint that I tried to give is try to start from small. Mind you it is good the flesh the story out but once that is done start it off small. Concentrate on the characters than only introduce the environment. Good luck! Edit: BTW three Tokyopop top brass is lurking in the forums as well. Lol

2008-03-28, 06:38	Link #74
chibamonster 'S' Class Fairy Tail Join Date: Jun 2007	@derelict88: That is actually quite a compliment. Thanks! But hey! don't think you are getting out of helping us work on this Unlike obi-wan kenobi you don't get to dissappear after you give the sage advice. Nope, back to light saber training where you watch us get zapped. __________________ Tests for my graphic novel -> http://dragonfury0.deviantart.com/ <-

2008-03-28, 07:12	Link #75
aka Providence (; ,;) fthagn Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: The End Age: 35	lol, this is getting very fun and interesting. I might not be able to draw but at the very least I'll be able to help out storyline-wise. anyhoo, about the knight and the demon. I was thinking the same thing about the demon not being seen, but as far as personality goes my idea is a bit different. Like I said before, the demon itself is quite ambiguous, having no prior memories before being summoned. Most of the personality had been influenced by the thoughts and emotions of the Knight, which makes her feel and fear that she is in fact evil deep down inside. Also, repeated use of the power makes the Knight and the Demon more bound together, combining their thoughts into one ugly resevoir of conflict. While going insane isn't out of the question, there are other things that could happen when things go bad.

2008-03-28, 11:32	Link #76
Enara Riful #1 fan + Browncoat Join Date: Apr 2007	I would like to have a female girl to be 16 to 20 she need's to be smart and if she shoot's gun's it need's to be the silent cool.

2008-03-28, 15:23	Link #78
tenken627 what Yagi said Join Date: Mar 2008	Hmmmm. When I think of a mechanic girl set in a steam punk world, Winry from FMA always pops in my head. Still, not a bad main protagonist. And your intro/first scene is not bad either. Maybe instead of having that boy from your first intro dying, you could say that he left the village to join the Imperial army (to pursue his dream of flying on an airship) and has been reported/presumed dead and never returned from war (this would be narrated or worked into a conversation with the mechanic in the beginning). That way, you could work him having some kind of profound effect on the mechanic (directly or indirectly) later on in the story. He could still be dead, but finding out what happened to him would reveal something to the mechanic later on. Or, he could still be alive, whether still in the army or not, and have some direct impact on the story. About characters/weapons: The character most likely to use a gun should be the Sky pirate captain, with an enhanced form of derringer or a type like it. Someone mentioned sky pirates before, and this is supposed to take place in a steampunk world (circa 1800's), just with airships instead of naval ships. He could be an ex-airship officer/soldier from the Imperial navy or he could have some sort of past relationship with the knight. I guess he could end up being the mechanic's friend from the past if you go the route I described above (joining the army and never to be seen again), but I think that will make it too cheesy. Maybe the sky pirate was comrades/friends with the boy in the past or somewhere along those lines. The giant-chainsaw sword sounds good, but very grisly. I can see one of the antagonists using it. Question about the knight: Is the knight the only one with demon-possession? Or do all knights from this particular Empire have their own demon? When a knight becomes fully possessed, is it like berserker mode or bloodrage? Also to be a good story, I don't think you should make this too far-fetched. Having dragons, dinosaurs and ninjas along with airships/demon possessed knights/giant machines might be a little too much. Last edited by tenken627; 2008-03-28 at 15:52.

2008-03-28, 16:00	Link #79
chibamonster 'S' Class Fairy Tail Join Date: Jun 2007	We could certainly integrate the boy from the intro to the main character motivations. We'll have to think about whether someone like that would be alive or dead. This is just something I was reminded of, but when I was in 3rd grade I had a friend who told me he wanted to be a pilot in the air force and guess what he does now? Some kids dreams do come true . Winry also popped into my head, or Lavi from Last Exile whenever I think of a mechanic. Also Ed from cowboy beebop. Now with mentioning the chain saw sword I keep thinking one thing; mechanized suit of armor. Chain saws are heavy, and would probably be more heavy in this steam punk world as compact mechanics would be too modern. So mechanized suits, although I am not thinking anything as mobile as a gundam for instance. Instead I think they should be fairly slow, powerful, and more of siege weapons. Normal steam punk is 1800's but I am thinking more of revamping ancient civilizations in a, "what if they had steam powered machines?" So far the factions the civilizations that have been championed are Ancient China, Feudal Japan, Rome or Greece, Norse vikings, and techno knights. I might want to add Egypt to the list (love pyramids and pharaoh), although we'll see how the power struggle is going. But that being said, yeah, a sky pirate captain might have a heavy pistol. Have any of you looked through Dinotopia or The World Beneath? That world had a very distinct, different and magic feel I thought might be interesting to take some influence from. Right now I think the Knight would not be the only one with a demon although it would be rare me thinks. The Knight might have used her demon differently to gain an advantage though. Maybe she has more than one? Or she is just better at using it? I am thinking when it is fully activated we could base it off what happened to real berserker's; feel no pain, grind their teeth, very strong, often die of blood loss, or something along those lines. There must be a negative consequence for using the monster. Maybe the body is continually taken over or consumed as if the flesh is its fuel. Now another question: what makes the nuclear bomb character so dangerous? I am imagining hand to hand fighting ability and some form of telepathy/psychic ability. After looking at escaflowne sitting on my desk maybe he can be a fuel source for a new type of war machine or something? Or can he create some super blast that incinerates things? Since it seems that the bomb character is created as a weapon he probably should have a safety mechanism to keep him from going off all the time. What should it be? I am imagining a leash with some sort of magic in it right now. __________________ Tests for my graphic novel -> http://dragonfury0.deviantart.com/ <- Last edited by chibamonster; 2008-03-28 at 17:57.

2008-03-28, 21:14	Link #80
aka Providence (; ,;) fthagn Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: The End Age: 35	the mechanic girl definitely reminds me of winry, though that's just for one possibility. it all depends on the personality more, i guess. aside from winry, i also get vibes which also remind me of ed from cowboy bebop, though other vibes remind me of yomiko readman from read or die, or even kamina from gurren lagann (hell, even otacon from metal gear). one thing's for sure though, in order to make her human, and a bit more naive, she gets disturbed when she witnessess first hand that the airship she helped create is killing people. since most of the time she only helps in build the weapon/machines, which in turn leaves her little time to see what happens after testing. ----------------------- as for the demon knight, i was thinking that continued use of power would not cause the body or mind to deteriorate. instead, both the thoughts of the demon and the knight slowly become more apparent to each other. this affects both of them -- the knight can't block out the demon's thoughts, and the same goes for the demon. with regards to the flaws and side-effects regarding her body, i was thinking more on the lines of actually improving how the body works. soon her body would need little food, water, or rest to survive. since those three are basic human needs, the lack of needing them could be a source of concern for her, since she fears losing the things making her human. moving on the occult side of things, the demon inside her is a rare thing, at least in the era she lives in. the world is under a steampunk era, after all, not to mention that her country is in a state of expansion. swords and occult/magic is being replaced by easily mass-produced machines such as firearms and warships, with only a few retaining the old skills. ------------------ as for el walking nuke, the main idea i have on why he is feared comes from the imagination of the (normal human) people he works with. as a weapon, he's kind of like an nth generation bio-weapon, where the previous versions were know for being unstable. the bio-weapons before him were raised to be nothing more than killing machines, but due to constant contact with humans cause conflict in emotions. this is because they were programmed to show no feelings during training, which unfortunately wears down with human interaction. in the end, they either go insane, berserk, or commit suicide; often times all three would happen. the walking nuke is supposed to be much more tolerant to changes, or so their developers say. he was also made to have a near-perfect memory, meaning that he can't forget anything, which could be a real bugger in the long run for him. with regards to power, i actually percieve that there's not much difference compared to the demon knight, in a way. due to several modifications in the body, he needs litte food, water and rest to function, though added features include not only resistance to poison, but having his own blood acting as venom to his opponents. his tolerance to pain is far greater than the demon knight, not to mention that he doesn't need a demon to go stronger. however, the main flaw to this is that he has a limit which he can't push forward. rest is a requirement for him, and when his energy runs out he stops functioning for a long time. in a nutshell, the developers say he's safe, but those with prior experiences with older versions think otherwise, which in turn makes other people uneasy. a lot of people like to gossip, so it adds fuel to the fire which makes people think he's in fact a walking bomb. as for the enemy, they only need to see the bodies he has left in his wake to see the danger. the most simple way to control him is, like what chibamonster says, a leash, though i was thinking less magic and more machinery. a bomb, actually, which gives more weight to the term walking bomb, not to mention it's a good example of bad puns. mm, that's about it for now. just woke up and i need breakfast -- can't think on an empty stomach, yo.