Dating

[kira_lacusXX]

i just wanted to see if anyone here is or has suffered with this problem that i think i'm having right now.

so i used to watch a loooot of anime and have read a few mangas, and then now moved on to a massive amount of j, k, and tdramas. i also check up on a lot of japanese and korean celebrities because they are just so good looking!

but i also have a boyfriend, and he knows that i love my dramas and asian celebrities and respects that, but i feel that all the romance animes, mangas, and dramas have made my standards and expectations in a relationship go completely skyhigh. i can't appreciate fully the things my boyfriend does for me and it frustrates me that i can't. its almost heartbreaking. he's my first boyfriend, and im lucky to be with such a good boyfriend to start. but everytime i have to choose between my boyfriend and watching my favourite shows and checking up on my favourite male celebrities .. in my heart, i lean towards the latter.

i know.. i really am a horrible girlfriend
but does anyone have this problem? or a solution? or an explanation? im a total noob at this and the basis of my knowledge in relationships is fiction. :S

[jonli]

Originally Posted by kira_lacusXX

i just wanted to see if anyone here is or has suffered with this problem that i think i'm having right now.

so i used to watch a loooot of anime and have read a few mangas, and then now moved on to a massive amount of j, k, and tdramas. i also check up on a lot of japanese and korean celebrities because they are just so good looking!

but i also have a boyfriend, and he knows that i love my dramas and asian celebrities and respects that, but i feel that all the romance animes, mangas, and dramas have made my standards and expectations in a relationship go completely skyhigh. i can't appreciate fully the things my boyfriend does for me and it frustrates me that i can't. its almost heartbreaking. he's my first boyfriend, and im lucky to be with such a good boyfriend to start. but everytime i have to choose between my boyfriend and watching my favourite shows and checking up on my favourite male celebrities .. in my heart, i lean towards the latter.

i know.. i really am a horrible girlfriend
but does anyone have this problem? or a solution? or an explanation? im a total noob at this and the basis of my knowledge in relationships is fiction. :S

I've seen girls with this problem. The solution that I know of is to get a real heartbreak, and mature from it.

All I can say is that although Japanese love stories are great, I watch them too, they are VASTLY different from the real thing. You're probably not going to get crazy evil step mothers that are going to stop you two from dating for no apparent reason. You're not going to get some crazy amnesia that is only going to delete your boyfriend from your mind, and the love between you two bring you back together. He's not going to be as rich and as stupid and as wise as Domyouji from HanaYoriDango. He's probably won't be able to kick ass and look good at the same time.

The real thing, you face real problems that are much uglier and darker. You face financial problems. You face abusive problems. Etc.

Be careful not become a drama queen, because that's never a good thing.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by jonli

All I can say is that although Japanese love stories are great, I watch them too, they are VASTLY different from the real thing. You're probably not going to get crazy evil step mothers that are going to stop you two from dating for no apparent reason. You're not going to get some crazy amnesia that is only going to delete your boyfriend from your mind, and the love between you two bring you back together. He's not going to be as rich and as stupid and as wise as Domyouji from HanaYoriDango. He's probably won't be able to kick ass and look good at the same time.

And he won't be constantly two-timing behind your back and you won't need to kill him and take him on your nice boat... oh wait, too much School Days

Anyway, what jonli said seems right: you need to go through this and learn from it. Anime isn't the real world, quite far from it and that is a lesson that comes with maturity and all the hardships (and good things as well) real life throws at people.

[Rachel Spurrier]

Originally Posted by Fome

Ever feel like the girl/guy you like is way out of your league?

That's what i thought.

I can't believe she said yes, and without hesitation.

I'm the happiest guy alive.

Yes, i'm being a stupid romantic.

I wish I could say the samething but I have always been too nervise too find out

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by kira_lacusXX

i just wanted to see if anyone here is or has suffered with this problem that i think i'm having right now.

so i used to watch a loooot of anime and have read a few mangas, and then now moved on to a massive amount of j, k, and tdramas. i also check up on a lot of japanese and korean celebrities because they are just so good looking!

but i also have a boyfriend, and he knows that i love my dramas and asian celebrities and respects that, but i feel that all the romance animes, mangas, and dramas have made my standards and expectations in a relationship go completely skyhigh. i can't appreciate fully the things my boyfriend does for me and it frustrates me that i can't. its almost heartbreaking. he's my first boyfriend, and im lucky to be with such a good boyfriend to start. but everytime i have to choose between my boyfriend and watching my favourite shows and checking up on my favourite male celebrities .. in my heart, i lean towards the latter.

i know.. i really am a horrible girlfriend
but does anyone have this problem? or a solution? or an explanation? im a total noob at this and the basis of my knowledge in relationships is fiction. :S

I've suffered a similar symptom but I'm not sure that the cause is the same.

First, you don't list your age, so it's hard to say. If you're 13, then you don't have anything to worry about. If you're 18+ then maybe. 25+ then definitely. (Age ranges are approximate.)

Let's walk through it, then. You say that you have a great boyfriend. What's great about him? What sort of things does he do that makes him great?

Then let's consider your expectations to find out if they're really over the top. What do you want that your boyfriend isn't giving or doing? What do you want that your boyfriend isn't? (Tall, certain hairstyle, certain type of voice - you get the idea.) What is it about dramas/anime and pop stars that makes you want to spend time there than with your boyfriend? Or is there also something about the reverse - that there's something about your boyfriend that makes you prefer to spend time in fantasy?

[Miyuki-ism]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

....that doesn't tell us much, Imouto-chan.

I think she was talking about how she thought persistence can't win someone over.

[VVayfarer]

Originally Posted by Miyuki-ism

I think she was talking about how she thought persistence can't win someone over.

Or rather, this:

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

Saying that, I guess you're right. I can't think of a good reply anyway.

and OMG, I saw stalker-guy and guess what!?!

He didn't touch me. He was just normal with me. He didn't even offer me a hug.
He is so out of character *is happy for now* I think I may have reached the next stage.
Or do you think he got the message and backed off?

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

....that doesn't tell us much, Imouto-chan.

I wish he'd just fall in a hole he is doing my head in and making me really wound up!!! Grr.. I just want to punch his feelings right out of him

God... lads..

[ITGuy]

Originally Posted by Ayame_Sohma

Right now im dating this guy and i know i should be happy about it but there is other guy who i am in love with more but he already told me that im not right for him.

Sounds like you are in/out of love. Sometimes being single for a while helps you to take a step back to understand the scenario around you.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by miko miko

I wish he'd just fall in a hole he is doing my head in and making me really wound up!!! Grr.. I just want to punch his feelings right out of him

God... Lads..

....................

Do it!!!!!!

[Miyuki-ism]

Yes, if there is one thing that this thread has taught us, it's that if all else fails, resort to violence.[/sarcasm]

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

....................

Do it!!!!!!

Okay!!

Originally Posted by Miyuki-ism

Yes, if there is one thing that this thread has taught us, it's that if all else fails, resort to violence.[/sarcasm]

Totally.

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

Okay!!

Totally.

That "stalker" guy reminds me of myself. Guys like those (or us) need straightforwardness not violence.

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Cipher

That "stalker" guy reminds me of myself. Guys like those (or us) need straightforwardness not violence.

I have been straight forward. I am starting to get kind of upset, I feel harassed

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

I have been straight forward. I am starting to get kind of upset, I feel harassed

You know some people think just looking at their admired one is enough---they lack motivation or confidence. Why are you upset? I suggest a massive load of good old friendly confrontations.

[Miko Miko]

Originally Posted by Cipher

You know some people think just looking at their admired one is enough---they lack motivation or confidence. Why are you upset? I suggest a massive load of good old friendly confrontations.

Tried confrontation. Pfft, a whole lot of good that did, I swear down I am just going in circles with him. I can't believe he likes me it's awful. >_<
I would have dated him if I wanted too but I don't and he won't stop touching me and being obsessed with wanting to go out with me, he always stands close to me and looks at me its wierd and annoying.

I have tried, Confronting him, having a go at him, telling him to leave me alone everything.. I don't know what else I can do. Grrr...

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

Tried confrontation. Pfft, a whole lot of good that did, I swear down I am just going in circles with him. I can't believe he likes me it's awful. >_<
I would have dated him if I wanted too but I don't and he won't stop touching me and being obsessed with wanting to go out with me, he always stands close to me and looks at me its wierd and annoying.

I have tried, Confronting him, having a go at him, telling him to leave me alone everything.. I don't know what else I can do. Grrr...

now that's just weird! Does he have any mental problems or something?

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Miko Miko

Tried confrontation. Pfft, a whole lot of good that did, I swear down I am just going in circles with him. I can't believe he likes me it's awful. >_<
I would have dated him if I wanted too but I don't and he won't stop touching me and being obsessed with wanting to go out with me, he always stands close to me and looks at me its wierd and annoying.

I have tried, Confronting him, having a go at him, telling him to leave me alone everything.. I don't know what else I can do. Grrr...

I think I've told you this before, Imouto-chan. Best defense against someone this persistent is to always hang with a group of girlfriends. This is the single most effective way to deny him access to your person.

[MeoTwister5]

Or crush his ego in such a way that he'll never bother you again. Stubborn men like this usually have egos far too big for their own good. Putting him in his place should teach his some degree of perspective.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by MeoTwister5

Or crush his ego in such a way that he'll never bother you again. Stubborn men like this usually have egos far too big for their own good. Putting him in his place should teach his some degree of perspective.

Stubborn men would just continually hit on a girl, without taking hints and without being fazed by outright rejections. "Creepy" behavior (such as ignoring personal space boundaries, uninvited physical contact, etc.) could indicate a mental disorder or potentially dangerous behavior, at worst (rape, kidnap, and so on). Either way, Miko Miko should be careful about him.