Dating

[HasuMasu]

Seeing all the comments about food here, it really makes me feel guilty about eating on $2 a day even if I can afford more for my nutrition.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I'm not sure that was Dextro's point (and it certainly wasn't mine). It's the idea of contributing equally to get a job done, thereby lightening the load on everyone. For example, say that the laundry needs to be done, and a meal needs to be made. If both members of the relationship are capable of both tasks, then one member handles on task, while the other handles the other. Both benefit, and the total time and effort is cut in half.

Of course, that doesn't mean that you can't customize who does what. For example, my wife hates taking out the trash, so guess who handles that job? I find folding the laundry to be a boring and tedious task, but my wife likes it, so guess who often ends up with that task? But the point is that if either one of us couldn't do the work - whether because of illness or lack of time - the other could step in just as easily to take care of it.

I think there's something about knowing that your partner could handle it just fine that's somewhat reassuring. I think that most people don't want to feel like they're someone's maid, or that they're taking care of a child. Knowing that your partner is perfectly capable of doing the tasks on their own, and having them actively do other tasks, helps to prevent those sorts of feelings from occurring.

That was exactly my point but as I said at the end of my post: my communication skills when I wrote that were... how shall I put it? ...kind of low.

The question isn't so much of looking for someone to supplement my skills, that would leave gaps somewhere eventually, but having the assurance that anyone of the two members of the household can do at least a passable attempt at every (or most) needed skills as a sort of failsafe.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

One of my best friends is currently living with his girlfriend, neither of them know how to cook anything beyond pasta...last time I saw him, he told me "you don't know what it's like, living on spaghetti every single day!".

How are there still people like this? What's so hard about opening a recipe book and just doing what it says?

"Set the oven to 350F."
"BLARARAGHAGH WHAT'S AN OVEN"

[warita]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

How are there still people like this? What's so hard about opening a recipe book and just doing what it says?

"Set the oven to 350F."
"BLARARAGHAGH WHAT'S AN OVEN"

I think the deal with most people who dont cook these days isnt so much they couldnt cook if they wanted to as much as they are lazy and hence never even bother.

Sadly, a large proportion of the female population (here in Europe anyways) actually takes pride in not being able to cook anything. And when I say tell them I not only cook very well, I even LOVE cooking, they give me strange looks. I guess it makes me look old fashioned. And maybe I am a little on the conservative side, because I feel there is something sad about the fact that the young female generation couldnt even fix something nice for a special occation for their boyfriend..... and even more concerning is the fact that loads of woman take pride in it, as if though cooking a nice meals means you are playing the slave for your loved one.

Ah well, that is for everybody to decide in the end..... and there is something really nice about going out once a week. I have talked with my bf about it the other day and told him, that once we start living together, it would be nice to select one day per week (preferably friday or saturday night) and instead of cooking, we could eat out. I find rituals of this kind soothing and it is a treat you can look forward to all week long.

[solomon]

Cooking is more of a health and finance issue rather than OMG HE/SHE IS SO MUCH HOTTER ON THE STOVE issue really.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

How are there still people like this? What's so hard about opening a recipe book and just doing what it says?

"Set the oven to 350F."
"BLARARAGHAGH WHAT'S AN OVEN"

It's a lot of effort. Actually, neither my wife nor I use a cook book, because it's too much work and too structured. We basically freestyle everything that we do. It's much more liberating. We're not making anything fancy, but then I think we're being pretty practical: it's food for us to eat throughout the week, not food for entertaining guests or making an impression. If people want to feel like they're eating at a five-star restaurant for each meal then I suppose that's their business, but as far as I'm concerned, it just needs to taste good and be nutritious. Being cheap helps, too

I think there's also a bit of a barrier to cooking if you've never done anything like it before. It's partly the effort, and partly the fear of failure (particularly the idea that you'll make yourself sick). To be perfectly honest, I didn't start cooking until after I had taken organic chemistry. It occurred to me that if I could put the various chemicals through all of those reactions, then cooking meat and vegetables shouldn't be too difficult. Nerdy, I know, but that was when I started cooking regularly. I think most people just need to try cooking or do something like it, to see that it's really not difficult and that they're perfectly capable of it.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

It's a lot of effort. Actually, neither my wife nor I use a cook book, because it's too much work and too structured. We basically freestyle everything that we do. It's much more liberating. We're not making anything fancy, but then I think we're being pretty practical: it's food for us to eat throughout the week, not food for entertaining guests or making an impression.

Oh, I totally agree with that; my go-to meal is pork chops and frozen vegetables. Like you, I don't need to prepare restaurant-quality stuff every day either. I just think the statement, "I don't know how to cook," is ridiculous. There are books that tell you how to cook, and they don't use big words.

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

It's a lot of effort. Actually, neither my wife nor I use a cook book, because it's too much work and too structured. We basically freestyle everything that we do. It's much more liberating.

But not really practical if, as in the example given earlier, you only know how to make pasta (by which I assume it means either plain noodles, or plain noodles + sauce (spaghetti, for example)). There's an intrinsic lack of both knowledge and experience prevelent there that would likely lead to many hockey pucks.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

Oh, I totally agree with that; my go-to meal is pork chops and frozen vegetables. Like you, I don't need to prepare restaurant-quality stuff every day either. I just think the statement, "I don't know how to cook," is ridiculous. There are books that tell you how to cook, and they don't use big words.

You're right, but I understand where they're coming from. Most cook books have all sorts of fancy recipes that involve a lot of ingredients and quite a few steps. It's very involved. For someone who is just beginning and doesn't have anyone to guide them, the entire process - from selecting the ingredients, to preparing them, to the actual cooking itself - can seem overwhelming. Some parts of the process are left to experience, too. How hot should the frying pan be? When is the meat done, but not overdone?

All of this stuff is really pretty simple, but again, it's a lot of new things all at once. However, this conversation has me thinking that when I have children, I'll have them involved in grocery shopping and meal preparation at least some of the time, just so that it's not alien to them.

Originally Posted by GDB

But not really practical if, as in the example given earlier, you only know how to make pasta (by which I assume it means either plain noodles, or plain noodles + sauce (spaghetti, for example)). There's an intrinsic lack of both knowledge and experience prevelent there that would likely lead to many hockey pucks.

Knowledge and experience are only part of the equation; a lot of the rest is creativity. Nearly all of my meals are rice-based, and there are even some ingredients that I reuse frequently because I like them, but I'm not making the same thing week after week (or even every other week). I vary it up. There is no written recipe that I follow, nor any directions from a cooking show, and only occasionally there's only a vague memory of something that I made before that I'm trying to re-create.

It's creativity; the idea that these things might go well together using this certain cooking process. People need to be less afraid of experimentation, and be more willing to try new things. I understand that when you're totally new to cooking, experimentation isn't necessarily the best thing to start with. But you build off of what you know. Your friend does pasta? Vary the vegetables, vary the sauces, vary the meats, add in other things, vary the types of pasta used. There's nothing wrong with having pasta as your base (when it goes on a really good sale, I switch from rice to pasta). But making the exact same thing, over and over? If you really like it, that's fine, but if it's due to a lack of creativity or an unwillingness to try something a little different, then the issue is something external to cooking.

[monsta666]

I think the best middle ground is to use google. Not only do you save money as you don't buy a book but quite often the guides you find through google are not so professional or dressed up which paradoxically might actually be a good thing to a novice cooker. They don't want to be confused nor do they want to feel intimidated from complex instructions so something more down to earth is much more fitting. And besides by not explaining too much it leaves you, the cooker, to improvise a bit more which I think is a good thing when it comes to cooking. At the end of the day it is not an exact science and it also teaches you how to make decent meals even if you don't have all the ingredients you wished to have. Another good skill to save a bit of money.

Well that is what I did as a student when I didn't want to invest money in a cookbook because I wasn't sure I would even make use of it. And with google there is really no need to buy a book. I just simply type tuna dishes if I have a tuna craving and let google do the rest. But going back to the topic of dating... I do think a good well served dish can be romantic in itself. A candlelight dinner with a bit of wine with your significant other will add another element to the relationship. Do it enough times and I think that would add something to the relationship. It's not going to fix the broken things or make people fall in love again but it will add a nice element to an already good existing relationship. To me personally I think these little gestures matter more than what happens on Valentines day because let's face it, that day has become commercialised; I mean once a treat becomes expected the goodwill tends to be lost somewhat in my eyes. Romance should contain some element of spontaneity and a random romantic meal can deliver that but that is only my personal opinion.

[warita]

Originally Posted by monsta666

To me personally I think these little gestures matter more than what happens on Valentines day because let's face it, that day has become commercialised; I mean once a treat becomes expected the goodwill tends to be lost somewhat in my eyes.

Personally, I think that Valentines is simply an opportunity to do something nice with your gf/bf, somehting that goes beyond the every day stuff.

Many people say, that they dont like the idea of fixating it on a specific day. They say one should show love regularly, if not every day. And they are right, but do we really do that? I mean, once a certain routine is established in a relationship, do we go out of our way to surprise him/her?
Of course one should try to make the other feel loved and surprise him with something nice every now and then. But on the top of that, Valentines day offers a nice opportunity to do something above the normal, something truly special. Does it have to be on 14.2. exactly? NO, thats not the point of the event I believe.

I have always wondered, why anniversaries are so important for women, while guys often couldnt care less. This is just my theory, so bear with me, but I think this has to do with the fact that women like attention and they like to have some confirmation of his feelings. If he regularly forgets her birthdays and all important days of the relationship.... it is almost the same as saying " I dont care about you". Maybe the guy actually does care and is just bad with remembering days.... but really, thats what personal organizers are for. Women are emmotional beings and have emmotional needs that need to be satisfied. Not only once a year, but regularly.

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by warita

Maybe the guy actually does care and is just bad with remembering days.... but really, thats what personal organizers are for. Women are emmotional beings and have emmotional needs that need to be satisfied. Not only once a year, but regularly.

I'm actually one of those guys that are pretty bad at remembering birthdays and such. That's why we got married on my birthday, I can't possibly forget our anniversary.

I also have a personal organizer.

Endless "Forgetful" Soul

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Endless Soul

I'm actually one of those guys that are pretty bad at remembering birthdays and such. That's why we got married on my birthday, I can't possibly forget our anniversary.

I also have a personal organizer.

Endless "Forgetful" Soul

It is alright. I still can remember bit and pieces of world history and economics yet I am unable to remember names, people and faces.

[GDB]

If you're another guy, yes it is very much weird. Otherwise it's only weird if you aren't trying to flirt.

[Tenken's Smile]

I'm a girl So it's only "natural" when I'm flirting, eh? 0_0

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by GDB

If you're another guy, yes it is very much weird. Otherwise it's only weird if you aren't trying to flirt.

It may be weird, but if you really notice it, no harm in saying something about it. The first time I met my friend's mom, for example, I said that I really liked her hair color. I wasn't trying to flirt or pick her up or anything. I just liked her hair color.

Of course, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't notice things like that (I'm notoriously bad at recognizing and remembering eye color, for example), so the fact that I'm commenting means it stood out and was therefore worth the comment.

[solomon]

I wouldnt say it's wierd, i'd say it's a nice compliment. From Girl to Guy even if not flirting.

Personally, I'd be a bit wary as a dude doing it to a girl, cause ioono, you'd be surprised how sensitive (OMG YOURE SO SEXIST) some people can get.

Also (at least in my experiences on the online dating scene), apparently ladies don't like that being reinforced BUT SO OFTEN otherwise I guess you come off as if you are just trolling for sex.....sorry for the ramble. I love the ladies, but as a guy, they are WIIEEERRRDD.

[LeoXiao]

Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile

Hey, is it weird to compliment a man's facial features, such as, eyes? like "Dude, you have such pretty wide eyes"

I'm kind of a narcissist when it come to my own eyes (which I like a lot), and it would probably overjoy me to be complimented on that. And even though it's easy to think "I don't care if people think I look good or not, it's what I say and do that matters", it's simply unavoidable to feel happy when someone compliments your appearance.

So yeah, if it isn't awkward, feel free to compliment a guy on his looks. He'll probably like it.

[Tenken's Smile]

Thank you for the replies. Now I know I'm not too weird

Originally Posted by solomon

Personally, I'd be a bit wary as a dude doing it to a girl
...
Also (at least in my experiences on the online dating scene), apparently ladies don't like that being reinforced BUT SO OFTEN otherwise I guess you come off as if you are just trolling for sex.....sorry for the ramble. I love the ladies, but as a guy, they are WIIEEERRRDD.

What, really? I think it's "more normal" when a Guy compliments a Girl.
And I think Girls loooooove being complimented, too.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile

What, really? I think it's "more normal" when a Guy compliments a Girl.
And I think Girls loooooove being complimented, too.

As with most things, it depends on the context, the relationship between two people, and how the compliment is given. Everyone loves a good compliment, but we're living in times where people are generally untrusting of each other. If you tell me that I have nice eyes, I might allow myself to feel flattered, but then I'd start to wonder if you were trying to sell me something, rope me into some sort of contract, or break my marriage. All three of those things aren't uncommon (yes, including that last one - there's a medical screening form that I saw once for analyzing a woman's sexuality, and one part asks the woman to go through a checklist of things and indicate what "turns her on"; 'man with a wedding ring' was one of them ).

Basically, for many people, we can't just take a compliment at face value anymore. It's probably a regional thing too, though... I recently moved out of New York City, and now reside in a place where random strangers will wave at me as they drive by. It's so refreshing to just have people acknowledging each other, being kind and friendly...