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HasuMasu · 2014-07-14, 08:13

Quote:

For the past 10 years, humanity has feared an unknown epidemic that is being called the worst in history. A whole generation may be lost to despair and fear, but the majority choose to appear apathetic.

In this city that is also the world called Pandaemonium, Akane is supposed to be just a girl from Tokyo when suddenly an announcement on the public network declares the existence of a certain unknown group called <<Magicians>>. These are the final preparations for a revolution.

The battle to decide the wish of humanity, a new action adventure: <<Start!>>

Spoilers

Spoiler for Chapter 1: Mayoi

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This is the result of the light novel project I've been meaning to do for years now, but this is the first time I've actually written anything down.

I'll apply to put this up on Baka-tsuki as well after Volume 1.

Dr. Casey · 2014-07-22, 18:36

Hmm~ It's probably a good thing that you waited until 17 to start writing this rather than beginning a few years ago when you were a kid, because this story has a lot of potential. One style of story I've always enjoyed since I was little is where you're dumped right into the thick of things, where everything's shrouded in a fog of mystery and you don't understand the surrounding world any better than the main character does; that was done to good effect here. I enjoyed the various minimalistic elements of this first chapter, from the complete lack of other tenants in the apartment, to the fact that Akane only seems to have one friend, to her almost empty bedroom, to the fact that seemingly only one website exists on the entire internet. Being confused and socially isolated is bad enough, but the fact that even the surroundings are so cold and barren and incapable of providing comfort deepens the sense of isolation a lot. I don't know whether Pandaemonium will become more explicitly and overtly unpleasant with time, but at the moment I do enjoy the subtle sense of unease - the world is, right now, viewed simply as alien rather than outright sinister (and in some ways is better than the normal world - a world where nobody gets sick, or at least where all illnesses are curable, is one that futurists like me hope to eventually see), but simply being alien can be a bad enough thing in its own right.

The most alluring concept to me right now is the single website that composes the entire internet. That sounds the kind of hook that would come straight from a Shin Megami title, and since Persona 3 and 4 are some of my favorite videogames, that's definitely a good thing in my books. I'm really intrigued to delve into that creepy little website and learn more about it.

I'll make sure to come back for future chapters. Faito, Hasumi-chan.

HasuMasu · 2014-07-23, 08:13

You got me! There is definitely a lot of Persona in this...in fact I hope in 5 you get sucked into the internet or something.

I didn't consider any beginning other than in medias res, but it was a bit difficult to decide how far in to drop the reader.

Thanks for the support! I'd have done Chapter 2 by now if not for the typhon...

2014-07-23, 08:13	Link #3
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	You got me! There is definitely a lot of Persona in this...in fact I hope in 5 you get sucked into the internet or something. I didn't consider any beginning other than in medias res, but it was a bit difficult to decide how far in to drop the reader. Thanks for the support! I'd have done Chapter 2 by now if not for the typhon... __________________ Last edited by HasuMasu; 2014-08-29 at 07:56.

2014-07-22, 18:36	Link #2
Dr. Casey Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Tennessee Age: 36	Hmm~ It's probably a good thing that you waited until 17 to start writing this rather than beginning a few years ago when you were a kid, because this story has a lot of potential. One style of story I've always enjoyed since I was little is where you're dumped right into the thick of things, where everything's shrouded in a fog of mystery and you don't understand the surrounding world any better than the main character does; that was done to good effect here. I enjoyed the various minimalistic elements of this first chapter, from the complete lack of other tenants in the apartment, to the fact that Akane only seems to have one friend, to her almost empty bedroom, to the fact that seemingly only one website exists on the entire internet. Being confused and socially isolated is bad enough, but the fact that even the surroundings are so cold and barren and incapable of providing comfort deepens the sense of isolation a lot. I don't know whether Pandaemonium will become more explicitly and overtly unpleasant with time, but at the moment I do enjoy the subtle sense of unease - the world is, right now, viewed simply as alien rather than outright sinister (and in some ways is better than the normal world - a world where nobody gets sick, or at least where all illnesses are curable, is one that futurists like me hope to eventually see), but simply being alien can be a bad enough thing in its own right. The most alluring concept to me right now is the single website that composes the entire internet. That sounds the kind of hook that would come straight from a Shin Megami title, and since Persona 3 and 4 are some of my favorite videogames, that's definitely a good thing in my books. I'm really intrigued to delve into that creepy little website and learn more about it. I'll make sure to come back for future chapters. Faito, Hasumi-chan.