Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

So being new to Animesuki, I'm not quite sure what the tolerance for maturer content is. So I'm not sure if I'd be able to post that 2nd Vivio fic (the one where she loves Yuuno but he's married to Nanoha) due to a certain scene.

The scene itself might be considered pretty squick in nature, but that depends on personal tolerance I suppose. Thought I'd run it by you guys to see if you think it should be omitted or not.

Spoiler for Potential squick:

Basically, thin walls allow Vivio to hear Nanoha and Yuuno having sex. Vivio is aroused by this and pleasures herself, fantasizing about being in Nanoha's place. Vivio, of course, feels absolutely horrible about it after the fact.

It won't be very graphic. While the fic could function without it, I think this scene adds a lot to the guilt and self-loathing Vivio has to deal with in the story.

that would be very, very, very, VERY hard to pull off. If you slip, even for a slight second, and go over the line then you would lose a ton of readers.

Mentioning it would be bad enough, but if you actually plan on having her doing it for a few paragraphs while listening, then that would be something that even I (In all my lemon writing glory) would send through at least five beta readers before releasing.

In fact, I'd consider that a challenge level operation. "do this without making it wrong/squick/ or perverted"

Oh yeah as for limits here on AS, you can't post ( or link to) sexually explicit material. All my lemons have to be "Please PM me if you want the link" or link to my profile and then say what link to click on. Do not link to anything that' "lemon" material, it'll get the mod hammer.
you can do tasteful lemon scented things, but stay away from details to make it AS safe. For example, I've gone as far as: heavily implying what's going on with panting, hand motions, ect, but I've never actually described it, nor "said" what they were doing. If it isn't too long, I'll help you with that in a PM. not teh entire story (as I don't have time) but I'll help you know if its AS safe or not. (or if its squick)

EDIT: Page claim for exceedingly difficult scenes to write, and what we learn from failing at them XD (referance to my "love ties" fic if anyone missed it )

[Nijiru]

On the note that Satashi just made, when I started posting here, I mentioned that I have no problem beta reading stuff for people. That includes stuff that might burn the mind's eye. "The only people who really know where the edge is are the ones who have gone over."

[Alavon]

Here is part 3 of 6 from 'Animal Instincts'.

Previous:

Animal Instincts: Preface

Animal Instincts: (1/6) Chapter 1: The Girl from the City

Animal Instincts: (2/6) Chapter 1: The Girl from the City

Spoiler for Part three of six (3/6) from 'Animal Instincts': Chapter 1:

Even though I don't want to even be near the townsfolk today (or any day for that matter), I still needed to eat something. I knew a place nearby that gives me a free beer with a small meal of their choice and no...I don't receive them out of courtesy. They would give a free meal so that I could, “Get the hell out of my pub!”

Definitely not out of courtesy.

I arrived at Mary's Hub Spot and after a passing a few older guys who threw a few colorful words at me, I entered the pub and was greeted with the usual silence. All eyes were on me but then left their prey and brought their full attention to their personal tasks.

I took off my hat and jacket, inhaling the smoke-filled air. I then tiredly strolled to an empty stool at the end of the packed pub. As always, the surrounding area of where I was sat was evacuated; it was like I was a plague. I shrugged at their stupidly and at that moment, a small plate of chicken wings and french fries with a Hoffnung Beer was placed in front of me. I looked up and Mary, the pubs owner, and nodded. She completely ignored me and went off to get more orders with a wide, toothy smile.

Bitch.

I ate my food silently...as usual.

I ate my food alone...as usual.

I ate my food...just as always.

No change whatsoever.

Little did I know, change will come in an unexpected way.

A loud scream pierced the pub and I dropped my chicken in surprise. I swerved around on my stool and looked out at the rectangular window near the oak door where everyone else was staring at. A large crowd was gathered outside the pub and there seems to be some angry shouting. Fights never occur in this damn town (that does not include me) and as much as I hate to admit it, curiosity finally got a firm hold on me. I stood up and ran towards the door and, after getting a few angry “Ouch! Watch where you're going!”, I opened the door and walked out to where the commotion was. I felt a soft touch on my cheek and at that moment I noticed that it was beginning to snow. Instinctively, I put on my hat and jacket and made my way to the circle, my curiosity getting the best of me. Strangely enough, nobody looked at me dirty and did not dispersed as I push my way to the middle. It was tight and the shouting was hurting my hear but I was able to catch what they were saying.

“Why the hell are you doing here!? You're worst than that sorry-piece-of-human-flesh!”

I groaned. That was a new insult that I haven't heard before.

“We don't need city folks so get the hell OUT!!”

I blinked. City folks? Here?

I made one last squeeze and got right out of the circle and...I lost my breath.

[DezoPenguin]

Speaking of beta reading, I hereby post the revised Chapter 21 of Stahlkonigin, the one that prompted intense discussion on three separate points. Changes indicate:

1. Since, quite frankly, this is not a story in which the TSAB political structure is significant, I've changed the Jarentil backstory to a desire to form a world government to petition for TSAB membership and administered-world status. Hopefully Force will get into this topic a little more, but that's neither here nor there.

2. Heimdall weaponry adjusted since, well, I was simply wrong on an Arc-en-Ciel's specs (specifically firing range). It's no longer capable of OHKO-ing Cranagan, but I hope that it's still sufficiently scary.

3. One-sentence discussion of why scrying magic won't turn up the AMF "blank zone."

4. Slight change to the Nest's forward-firing weapon description to remove any implication that it was a mass weapon and at the same time removing the possible question as to why it would fire through the AMF.

5. As in the "final" of Chapter 18, I've completely omitted discussion of the question of deployment by teleport or other transportation magic instead of trying to handwave it, given the Great Teleportation Flame War that erupted last time. My opinion (as a writer, not as a fan) basically boils down to this: we didn't see them deploy by teleport during the series. We know that many mages (including Fate, Arf, and Yuuno) can teleport. Therefore either the writers aren't capable of keeping track of their own characters' abilities or there is some in-universe reason why everybody flies around in helicopters or on their own instead. While I suspect that the former is the actual answer (and let's face it, it's easier for dozens of different fans to chew something over and figure out unintended ramifications--the same reason why players in tabletop RPGs so often manage to subvert the GM's expectations), I prefer that the latter be considered the answer rather than think that Nanoha or Signum, for example, overlooked basic tactical concerns.

5a. As a side note--Yuuno teleports Arf away in one of the original season episodes (7, I think, or maybe 5?) and it's remarked that it'll take time for her to get back, allowing Nanoha and Fate to have their fight...but why can't Arf, herself a user of teleport magic, just pop right back? Sure, Yuuno might do something to keep her occupied at the far end, but Fate can't know that, and yet it's presented to the viewers as a foregone conclusion??

Spoiler for Stahlkonigin--Revised Ch. 21:

"Yesterday," Hayate declared, "a terrorist group used kidnapping to get their hands on the master operations code for our network core. Frankly, I think this is just a means to an end, to facilitate something a lot worse."


It was a decent opener, as such things went. What it lacked in punchy style was made up for by the fact that martial law was in effect and that four of the seven members of her audience had been hauled out of bed to be there. Nanoha, Vita, and Signum were all alert and uncomplaining, despite the third not only having just been awakened but just coming off a combat mission. Only Caravelle, the head of the Data Engineering Section, was showing her sleepiness, but she was still military; her hands were wrapped around a cup of strong, bitter coffee and she wasn't arguing that her night-shift subordinate ought to be there instead.


"Earlier this evening, thanks to Fate-chan's investigative work"--she wasn't bothering with formal titles--"we located the terrorists' base of operations. The Sword Team staged an assault, rescued the kidnap victims, and captured seventeen of the group."


"Hey, nice work!" Vita said and clapped Signum on the shoulder. "Wish I could have gone along."


"Is that why Vivio didn't come home tonight?" Nanoha asked. "A field mission already?"


"She's fine," Signum told her, "and did fine as well."


Nanoha and Vita both beamed and chorused, "That's my girl." Signum just sighed and focused on what Hayate was telling them.


"During the follow-up, we identified the group as a local cell of the Jarentil Liberation Front." A faint gasp came from off to Hayate's left and she nodded. "That's right, Fate-chan, the same world that your last case was set on. Gallardo-kun, some background?"


He blinked in surprise, probably at the "-kun" she'd assigned him, then recovered himself and cleared his throat.


"The Jarentil Liberation Front came out of the Jarentian civil war of twenty-one years ago," he explained. "Jarentil became known to the TSAB thirty-eight years ago, but was hampered in interdimensional trade and politics due to their lack of a unified world government. The blunt truth is, while we might be willing to cope with the concept of a number of local nation-states, having a variety of local regimes with differing cultures, customs, and statutory schemes, it's a major handicap in terms of trade and cross-world political influence, where off-world interests are fundamentally concerned with exploiting the aspects of a planet which benefit them, while ignoring the rest. In response, there was a major push towards unification from the political progressives who sought the benefits of membership in terms of trade and technology. They formed a coalition of sorts with one wing of the conservatives, who concluded that since Jarentil possessed dimension-traveling technology the TSAB would be regularly interacting with its affairs then gaining membership and a voice in Bureau government was a vital goal. They were opposed by the isolationists, who didn't want to interact with other worlds; the radical progressives, who saw world government--to say nothing of cross-dimensional administration--as tyranny; and a variety of nationalists, who saw world government as a threat to racial and cultural identity."


"All in all, a fairly standard split," Hayate concluded.


"The movement for unification gained enough steam that a push to form a world government began formally. After a couple of abortive attempts, a diplomatic council came up with the plan for what is now the Federation of Jarentian States. A global vote was held, with seventy-two percent in favor. We provided election oversight, since we weren't interested in getting a member world that was subject to an unwanted minority government that could fall apart in an instant."


Gallardo sighed.


"Most of the losing population accepted defeat gracefully, as the will of the people. Some did not, particularly in a three-nation region near the equator. Violent conflict was the result, those three nations against the world at large. The traditional military aspect ended soon, within three weeks, but a stubborn urban guerilla resistance was maintained for over a year before victory was achieved. The Jarentil Liberation Front grew out of the same sentiments as resisted unification, but seasoned with a healthy dose of revenge."


"For families and fellow citizens who died in the war?" Nanoha asked.


"Yes, but more than that; as you might expect, there were a number of incidents where innocent people were injured by fighters on both sides, by guerillas more interested in making a public statement than pinpointing targets, and by government troops stretched thin by ambushes and who'd often come to regard all the locals, not just resistance fighters, as their enemies. And of course there's plenty of hate for the TSAB because we're the root cause of everything, the reason why the government they're fighting against even exists."


"Morons," Vita summed it up.


"I don't see why that made you declare martial law, Hayate," Fate asked.


"As soon as the Front was identified, Gallardo-kun pulled the records on recent incidents involving them. It turns out that they were behind your case too, Fate."


"What?"


Hayate nodded.


"Tia and her partner found out that Timothy Celica, one of Tiburon's vice presidents, was actually a Front sleeper. He'd arranged for the diversion of the N4 ACC specifically to be transported to another cell. Their report suggests that Celica didn't know which one or what for; the delivery arrangements were made for him except for the part involving local criminals."


"That's actually reasonable. Terrorist cells rarely share information laterally, so no cell can betray another," Fate contributed.


"Tia did manage to give us the name or alias of the person who Celica was reporting to, though: Wilton Sonoma."


"Sonoma? That's the name the kidnappers used when talking to McLaren!" Fate exclaimed.


"That follows, doesn't it?" Hayate murmured.


"According to the Enforcement Bureau," Rein piped up, "the name 'Wilton Sonoma' is either that of a senior Jarentil Liberation Front operative or a kind of code-word alias used by a variety of terrorists depending on the situation. The profilers believe that it's 73.2-percent likely that Sonoma is a single person, male, aged between thirty-five and fifty, with magical talents in the AA+ range emphasizing in close combat, fire elemental, transformation, and movement magic."


"Additional support to the idea that Sonoma is an individual now operating on Mid comes from three weeks ago, when an individual giving that alias attempted to infiltrate the weapon development lab at the Arraven Naval Air Station. A petty officer was killed, but apparently managed to prevent Sonoma from accessing anything more sensitive than standard fleet maneuvers scheduling data."


"Excuse me, Mistress," Signum spoke up, "but given the potential our network has been compromised, is there any chance that some or all of this data might have been falsified to mislead us?"


"Nope!" Rein said. "This information comes directly from the Bureau's main records archive."


"Although," Gallardo allowed, "if the Front used the stolen access code to implant a relay program, they might know that we know."


"What about data tampering in transit?"


"Unlikely," Caravelle contributed. "The master operations code would let the terrorists upload a program that might block access or alter data, but the results of such tampering would likely be evident to most end users or even the variety of interfaces we use." She pursed her lips while fishing for an analogy for the laymen, then came up with, "It's like if a burglar has a master key to your house. He can get in and out and the alarm won't go off, but you'll still notice if your jewelry is missing or he's left beer cans all over the living room."


"Was this Sonoma one of the people you arrested, Signum-san?" Nanoha wanted to know.


"Not if the description provided by the Enforcers is correct. The strongest enemy mage was an A+ illusionist whom Vivio and Lt. Yaris defeated."


"So either the Sonoma that McLaren met with is a different person, or he was coincidentally away from the hideout, or he was intentionally away," Fate concluded. "I'd say it's the third; babysitting the hostages is a flunky's job. Oh, and Eileen McLaren testified that it was the illusionist who did the actual kidnapping, so you'll have additional charges there."


Hayate rapped her knuckles on the podium.


"I'm sorry, everyone, but we can work out the peripheral issues later. What I'm concerned about is the fact that the Nest diverted from Tiburon is very likely in Cranagan right now. It needs to be located, captured, or destroyed sooner rather than later."


"Why?" Nanoha wanted to know. Hayate knew her old friend well enough that she knew it wasn't a challenge, just a request for mission details.


"Rein, if you'll give us the relevant details, it'll let everyone know what they're up against and lead in to my explanation of why."


"Yes, Mistress." Rein called up a number of holoscreens which displayed the N4 in a variety of views and cutaways. "The Tiburon Heavy Industries N4 Armored Command Carrier, code-named 'Nest.' It was developed under a TSAB-authorized military contract for the Ground Forces as a field command vehicle, its purpose to provide maximum protection to its occupants while affording them a full range of communications and analysis to connect with field troops as well as surveillance and monitoring sources. In essence, it provides a unit commander with a mobile command post, permitting direct, personal access to the realities of the situation on the ground as well as the data and perspective benefits of a remote command site. It was particularly planned for the use of non-mage officers responsible for magically-active forces, who are often at a disadvantage in finding the best use of their mage troops."


Hayate wasn't sure if the operational benefits from the Nest actually justified its cost, or even its existence, but that was the problem with new military technology. Unless it simply didn't function at all, you could never be completely certain if it would work or not until the shooting started--and sometimes even then, tactical or strategic paradigms had to change too, like in the use of air power on Earth.


The thought had occurred to her while Rein summed up the technical details of the Nest, its gross tonnage, horsepower, top speed, and so on.


"Its weaponry is secondary," the Unison Device got to something more important, "consisting of four antipersonnel flame cannon mounted in turrets on the vehicle corners, and one heavier forward-firing weapon. This weaponry is basically defensive in nature and does not include homing-projectile capability. It's in protection where the Nest specializes."


"I can certainly agree with keeping the commander safe," Hayate said with a grin, lightening the mood.


"The primary defense, and the reason for the elemental rather than magic-damage weapons, is that the Nest can project a short-range anti-magic field effect, to about a thirty-foot radius. Using a variant of Jail Scaglietti's AMF technology, this has the effect of dispersing outright any magical attacks under a certain level of power, and drastically weakening anything above that level. Essentially, any magical attack of A rank or less won't even reach the Nest to engage its next level of defenses. Casting magic within the field is similarly restricted, but you're all familiar with how AMF conditions affect magic use from your previous experience--well, except for Lt. Colonel Caravelle, ma'am."


The computer specialist smiled, not without irony.


"Don't worry, Sergeant Major. I know that I'm here for different reasons than the rest of these worthies are. Go on."


"Yes, ma'am. Those attacks that breach the AMF are confronted with layered shield-type and barrier-type defenses, capable of stopping the majority of attacks that get through. Beneath that is physical armor, up to six-inch composite steel plate, depending on location. That isn't particularly effective against magical attacks, of course, but as part of a layered defense it does matter."


"The testing simulations prepared by Tiburon during the approval phase suggest that a steady assault by a squad of AA-ranked mages would overcome the barriers within twenty minutes, presuming that nothing fought back against them. Mass weapons of equivalent power would be even more effective since the AMF wouldn't have any influence on them," Gallardo contributed.


"What about magic that has a physical effect, like Belkan techniques?" Nanoha asked.


"In that case the effect was found to be the same as ordinary magic in eighty percent of simulations."


"Because the Belkan-users would have to move outside the AMF to charge their spells even though the effects are physical, and most physical-effect Mid-style spells are less efficient to cast than magic-damage spells, I suppose."


"That's right, Nanoha-chan," Hayate spared her magically-null aide from having to grapple with magical-battle tactical considerations.


"Che--" Vita interjected. "You guys keep talking about As and AAs. Everybody in this room's S or better except Rein. Well, and Nanoha while we're not allowing her to play with the big girls."


"Vita-chan!"


"That's exactly the point, Vita," Hayate told her. "About the only way to destroy the Nest quickly would be for an S-rank to unload on it with everything she had, or repeated strikes from a team of AAAs. Unfortunately, every AAA or higher-ranked mage in Cranagan is currently in this room." She smiled and added, "For some odd reason, TSAB policy is to deploy its highest-ranking Aces into the field where they can do as much good as possible. If this were the Bureau's central headquarters things would be different, but..."


This time it was Hayate who pulled up a screen, showing a city map.


"I'm assigning the four of you to these three four points over the city." Four dots lit up. "That way, no matter where the Nest turns up, someone can get to it in the minimum possible time, so that it can be promptly destroyed."


Signum and Vita would have left it at that. As soldiers, and as Hayate's guardian knights, the "whys" were only important to them if it affected their mission. Nanoha would have gone a little beyond that, but not with Hayate because she trusted her friend.


Fate was the investigator. She asked.


"Hayate, why is there this rush to destroy the Nest? Do you know what the Front is going to use it for?"


Hayate nodded.


"I think so. It's a communications vehicle and they've gone to considerable trouble to get their hands on our master operations access code. The two go together. if they just meant espionage, then they wouldn't need an armored vehicle to do it."


"Then what?"


She took a deep breath before quoting.


"'When the Night Sky shall reign o'er Asgard, the Guardian shall turn his spear in rebellion to bring forth the Fall, save should the King's Mother be willing to bear the crimson brand.' Carim prophesied that the day before Marshal Sebring offered me this post."


"So you're the Night Sky, and Asgard is the mythical home of the gods," Fate said. "So unless it refers to a distant future when you're the General Secretary or TSAB Operations Director, the prophecy refers to now. But who's the Guardian? One of us?"


Hayate shook her head.


"Not the guardian of me, the guardian of 'Asgard.' Because in myth and legend, the one who stood watch at the bridge Bifrost, the only entrance to Asgard, was the god Heimdall."


"Heimdall!" Gallardo yelped, getting it faster than any of the others.


"The name we gave to a network of sixteen defensive satellites, originally conceived as a solution to the problem we encountered in the JS Incident when the Cradle rose and there were no fleet assets in range to destroy it. Each satellite is equipped with a low-yield dimension-distortion weapon—not Arc-en-Ciel grade, but quite capable of obliterating the Cradle in one shot--backed up with a standard naval battery for secondary fire. They're controlled by the CCDF directly; the firing lock is technically under my command. Caravelle, you'll verify what I'm afraid of?"


She nodded, tight-lipped.


"It's very possible that, using the master operations code, they could take control of a satellite, or even the whole network."


"So shut the computer off!" Vita said. "They can't hack it if it ain't on, right?"


"I've already initiated the procedures to change access codes and, in case of any blocks they may have embedded already, to shut the network down."


"So what's the problem?"


"System redundancies and protections," Caravelle answered. "The network core is the heart of the military subnet on Mid. It's not designed to be easily shut down. Even if you physically blow it up, core functions would automatically reroute to other systems across the planet. It's designed so that in the event of enemy attack, one lucky shot doesn't take out our entire computer network. To take it totally offline...I'd say it would take about ten hours of solid work."


"Your acting senior said twelve, so that's actually good news," Hayate said.


"He doesn't know all my tricks just yet," She paused, then added, "You're going to lose force coordination, you know," she warned Hayate. "Probably it's going to cost lives through unintended accidents as well."


Hayate nodded.


"I know, but...we can't allow a holocaust. One Heimdall shot could obliterate an area with a three-kilometer radius, and they are capable of repeated fire, together with steady bombardment from its secondary weapons."


"Could we destroy the Heimdall satellites in orbit?" Fate wondered.


"If need be, we'll have the Navy do just that," Hayate agreed, "though we'd prefer not to if we don't have to."


"Do they have to be within the city? The military subnet can be accessed from anywhere on Mid."


"But we can cut off remote communications access. Like when we were in high school and our cell phones were charged up, but were in a dead zone and couldn't call out? The Nest can operate as its own communications hub, but only within its own limited data-transfer radius of five or six miles. The only place they could guarantee not being caught out would be within the city. If they're not within city limits, we can just pull the plug without a full system shutdown; problem solved."


"Then we'd better get that search started now, right?" Vita said, hopping out of her seat.


"The first action the General took when Nightfall went into effect was to mobilize all police and military forces in the district to initiate a search," Gallardo said. "Unfortunately, scrying magic won't work to find it due to the AMF; as I understand it the problem is that a scrying spell can't locate a 'blank area' unless you are looking for something within the AMF effect that the scryer knows is there but doesn't see. However, every possible unit has been brought into play."


"Yeah, Vita, don't sell our mistress short!" Rein announced.


"Signum, I want one of your Sword Team members escorting each of you in case the N4 is guarded by Front members. The S-rank's objective is to deal with the Nest, so the escort will fly cover."


"Very well. Lt. Renault is still a couple of days away from full recovery, so Captain Mustang will continue with me as we worked together well, Zafira with Vita, Vivio with Nanoha, and Lt. Yaris with Testarossa."


"Have the remaining members report to Long Arch for their search assignments; I'm going to the command deck now to assume direct control. Everyone else needs to be ready to scramble as soon as possible."


"Yes, ma'am!" There were salutes all around.


"Oh, I almost forgot," Hayate lied shamelessly, having deliberately saved it for last for the emotional impact. "Takamachi Nanoha: limiter release authorized with unrestricted effect." She watched as Nanoha rocked back on her heels for just an instant as the weight she'd learned, less than graciously, to live with every day was removed. A smile crept across her old friend's face as she felt the return of her full abilities.


The terrorists of the Jarentil Liberation Front had better prepare themselves for hell, because the White Devil was coming for them.

[DezoPenguin]

Risking a double-post to keep comments about other people's fics/ideas separated from my own stuff. Here's hoping I get ninja'd!

[QUOTE=TheShinySword;2712114]

I laughed out loud at “Somehow... I feel like I'm no longer fit for marriage.” My wife gave me an odd look.

Btw does anyone have any interest in this being continued?

Me! Me!

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

So being new to Animesuki, I'm not quite sure what the tolerance for maturer content is. So I'm not sure if I'd be able to post that 2nd Vivio fic (the one where she loves Yuuno but he's married to Nanoha) due to a certain scene.

The scene itself might be considered pretty squick in nature, but that depends on personal tolerance I suppose. Thought I'd run it by you guys to see if you think it should be omitted or not.

Spoiler for Potential squick:

Basically, thin walls allow Vivio to hear Nanoha and Yuuno having sex. Vivio is aroused by this and pleasures herself, fantasizing about being in Nanoha's place. Vivio, of course, feels absolutely horrible about it after the fact.

It won't be very graphic. While the fic could function without it, I think this scene adds a lot to the guilt and self-loathing Vivio has to deal with in the story.

Satashi gave good advice as to the use of actual adult content (i.e. "don't"). And, um...I'm squicked by the description. Not "drop the fic in a white-hot rage" squicked, just "eeeew" squicked. Though I do agree that it would be a significant cause of guilt and loathing, I'd think that she could overhear and imagine herself with Yuuno without actually taking it to the next step.

[Nijiru]

@Dezo: I like, and I see no problem with anything here. It also saves me time Monday, as I won't have to read the new chapter when you post it on FF.net.

[D2]

You know what, I think this thread has gotten a bit too serious lately. I present to you, a songfic:

Themesong: College Kids-Relient K

Spoiler for Adjusted Song Title: Teana Lanster:

Someone please save me, Teana Lanster
What my big brother did, I wanted too
He went into the Bureau, and so did I,
But when I was in, I questioned why I did,

I'm still ranked C+ and Vice Granscenic won't notice me,
Cross Mirage jammed and I have to take my exam again,
My partner Subaru is flat impossible to settle down,
She likes to talk and run and hug and grope me in my bed,

and that's why I say
oh no! not for me, not for me,
call it torture call it the T-S-A-B,
no! a clean record for Ani is all I need,
then I'll become an Enforcer and get posted far away,

Five months of training later I found out that all I learned,
Was Nanoha likes to train you by beating you constantly,
I thought I was just not so good and got a bit wound up,
Then one day Nanoha told me that she would cool my head,

and that's why I say
oh no! not for me, not for me,
call it torture call it the T-S-A-B,
no! a clean record for Ani is all I need,
then I'll become an Enforcer and get posted far away,

I wake up and I'm still hot that I just can't seem to improve,
If that's not bad enough I still get knocked down by Signum,
Then I learn the back story of my teacher and confess
I'm sorry and from now on I will always try my best

One day I found a girl,
carrying a big @$$ case,
Her name was Vivio,
I don't think she likes me,
She seems to cry a lot,
She always wants her mothers
but I still took care of her,
Until Zafira took over for me,
and all I said was "Good luck, you'll have fun."

oh no! not for me, not for me,
call it torture call it the T-S-A-B,
no! a clean record for Ani-chan is all I need,
then I'll become an Enforcer and get posted far away,

Someone please help me, Teana Lanster
What my big brother did, I wanted too
He went into the Bureau, and so did I,
And in the end, I still try to succeed

A guy named Jail attacked us and stole Vivio,
he used her to power up a huge ship called the Cradle,
Me and Subaru went in and helped to take him down,
We came out safe and sound, and made some brand new friends,

I'm getting reassigned, Riot Force 6 is done,
I became an enforcer, working along with Fate,
I now look to the future,
wondering what it holds,
But I know whatever happens,
me and my friends will last.

[Rika23onROOF]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

... I really hate when this happens.

There I am, minding my own business, and Satashi posts a video and I can't stop listening. Well after watching pretty Korean men use synchronized dance moves and snazzy tunes I couldn't hold it back.

Spoiler for Lyrical Boys Stage:

Lyrical Boys Stage

“They are soooo hot.”

Really? Discussing the hotness of boy bands in a library. Seriously? Yuuno Scrya, one of the librarians of the Infinite Library (it wasn't really infinite but it was said to be pretty close.) sighed as he shelved the never ending pile of books on his cart.

“Omigod, look at him! Chrono is just so, so cool!”

“I don't know Zafira is just dreamy~”

“You always did go for weird muscley guys huh. There are so many better guys in LBS!”

“Excuse me,” Yunno poked his head around the bookshelf.

The two girls on the other side looked surprised, as if they thought they couldn't possibly overheard drooling over a photo book in a very public location. For Kaiser's sake why did they pick a library? Go do these kinds of things in a coffee shop!

“You're disturbing the other patrons. If you could please keep it down...” Yuuno tried his best to sound as friendly and kind as possible, it wasn't hard, he didn't like to upset people. The nineteen year old had spent most of his life bowing his head and letting people use his back to get higher up. His only act of rebellion was his refusal to get more then a few inches of his hair chopped of. Instead he let his blond hair touch his shoulders, unless he tied it up with what could only be called a scrunchy.

“Oh, sorry.” The girls shut their “book” and scurried off, not giving Yuuno two glances.

He sighed and went back to the boring tedious work, after he finished that he returned to the other side of his job. Sitting at a desk and being bored by that. It was an endless cycle of monotony only broken by nothing.

Not by going home (just more books there), not a girlfriend (Ha ha ha, the girl Yuuno had liked since he was nine had never thought of him as anything more than a little brother according to her), and definitely not a social life (he had no free time).

Though, to say nothing broke his monotony... perhaps that wasn't true, Yuuno reminded himself.

After all, there always was-

“I'd like to check out this book.”

…

Were those sparkles?

Yuuno checked the counter, sure enough, some sort of glitter had fallen along with the book placed there. Great. That could only mean one thing.

“Can I see your library card?” Yuuno held out his hand.

Instead of a card, another hand took his. “Why you can see more than my card~”

Yuuno was pulled up, a hand wrapped around his waist, which was impressive considering the counter between the two of them, and his chin was tilted into what was undeniably a provocative position. Yuuno was getting a face full of abnormally flawless skin, like it had been replaced by plastic. It was really rather bothersome actually.

Flash. Click, click. Flash. KYAAAAA!

Oh great, he was causing a scene again, and what the hell were all these fangirls doing in the library!

“A-acous!” Yuuno ducked out of the green haired, pretty boy's arms. “I told you not to draw attention to me! Go use some other guy for your publicity shots!”

“No worries,” Acous chuckled and waves to the swooning crowd of girls, “This will just appear to be playboy Acous flirting with some random guy again.”

“...why can't you choose some other random guy!”

“Because the manager doesn't have business with some other guy.”

Yuuno paled, he thought he'd at least have a few days before he was needed again... “What is it this time?”

“Something about reshaping our image, new memembers yada yada yada,” Acous shrugged. If he didn't find something important he didn't remember it. “I have the car waiting.”

“Car?!?” Yuuno hissed under his breath, just loud enough for Acous to hear, “I don't want people to know who I am!”

“No worries, I have a disguise~ just follow me~” Acous grabbed Yuuno's arm and started walking off, once again ignoring the fact he was dragging Yuuno over a countertop.

“W-Wait! I still have work to do!”

“I've taken care of all that~” Acous waved him off and dragged Yuuno through the crowd of screaming girls, “Excuse me, ladies~” He flipped back his hair, a shower of sparkles dazzling the girls.

There were thuds as many of them fainted.

~~~

“Your idea of a disguise is a mustache and glasses combo...” Yuuno ripped the stupid thing off of his face as soon as he was sure there was no way anyone would see him in the car. No, rather LIMO. Always the showman, Acous couldn't be bothered to drive around normally like everyone else but rather in a stretch limo.

“Would it really be that bad if your cover was blown?” Acous chuckled, now that they were out of the public eye, he dropped his playful act. “Honestly, I don't see your privacy being something worth keeping.”

“Not all of us enjoy not being able to have chat with a woman without her fainting on the spot Acous,” Yuuno chuckled harshly, “I'm sure that's a perk in your opinion.”

Acous laughed it off, “I like women just as much as my men... okay maybe not just as much.”

It was hard to tell when Acous was joking and when he was serious... really really hard. Yuuno shook his head and decided not to think too much into it, a friend was a friend no matter what.

“...You know Yuuno.” Acous' eyes glinted with what could only be the same look a wolf gave a little lamb.

Friends should NOT stare at other friends like that.

Yuuno scrambled to the other side of the car seat. “Excuse me! Mr. Driver! Please hurry up!”

“Oh come now Yuuno you can't appear before Ms. Manager like this~ You have to get into character~~” Acous pulled out a bottle of gel and a brush from seemingly no where.

“WAAAAAH!”


~~~


The driver opened the door for Yuuno. Yuuno rolled out, falling to his knees on the ground. “Somehow... I feel like I'm no longer fit for marriage.”

“Oh don't be so silly Yuuno,” Acous elegantly stepped over him, showering sparkles as he went.

Acous had completely redone Yuuno. He'd gelled down Yuuno's hair and tied it into a snappy pony tail unlike Yuuno's normal mangy one. Acous had taken away Yuuno's glasses and replaced them with contacts. Even poor Yuuno's clothes were stripped away, replaced by something right out of a clothing catalog for the very rich and stylish. Finally, Acous had doused poor Yuuno in, what Yuuno swore was, glitter. Now Yuuno sparkled too.

Acous threw on a pair of shades and strode into the towering building ahead., with every step he fell back right into his persona, dubbed “the stylish one” by Mid-Chilidian Weekly. The headquarters of TSAB Records was a gigantic building to say the least. Yuuno followed him into the building.

“Well well look who finally decided to show up.”

Yuuno was slapped on the back in what was probably supposed to be a friendly gesture, but really just hurt. “Nice to see you too Chrono.”

“You're only a few hours late,” the black haired man,“the studly one”, folded his arms and glared at his old friend.

“Perhaps you should tell him when we're having a meeting Chrono,” Griffith Lowran, “the serious one”, pushed up his glasses and shot Chrono a sharp look.

“It's not my fault, I just found out too-”

Vice, “the goofy one”, slung his arm around Chrono's neck. “There are no excuses when the manager's your mom.”

Chrono groaned, “don't remind me, you think I haven't tried switching?”

Yuuno looked around, counting the number of men standing in the lobby, “Hey... where's Zafira?” Zafira, “the manly one”, almost never missed a meeting.

“I believe he's doing lunch with that group he used to be with, Reinforce and the Wolkettes,” Griffith looked down at his watch, “He should be here soon.”

“Yeah,” Chrono raised an eyebrow, “well Mo- Ms. Manager will be here any minute no-”

Chrono was cut off by the opening of the elevator door.

“Chrono~dear~” Chrono was snatched from Vice's arm and pulled into his mother's, and manager's, embrace. “How long as it been since you paid your poor mother a visit?”

“Git off!” Chrono squirmed “We just had lunch yesterday!”

“But that was as a full group~ why can't you spend some time with your mother outside of work?”

“Mrs. Harlaown, I'm sorry to interrupt but you called us here today for a reason right?” Yuuno wasn't sorry to interrupt the motherly love actually, Chrono seemed to be choking.

“Oh right!” She dropped her son and straightened her skirt. “Lyrical Boys Stage,” she addressed them by their band name, “I'm pleased to announce you'll be getting two new members!”

“...” The men all wore a blank stare. “Eh?”

Yuuno, “the cute one”, raised his hand shakily, “wait? Exactly what 'type' are we missing?”

Spoiler for A/N:

What type indeed, they have the cute the serious, the goofy, the studly, the stylish, and the manly, what's next, the shota? (No Erio you're not allowed to be in the Boy Band.)

How did they come to be called Lyrical Boys Stage?
I started calling them lyrical Boys then decided to randomly tack on Stage because that's how I feel band names are made irl.

I feel Acous is the kinda person who gets way too into his acts, he's an inspector so I'm sure he'd be a good actor.... and he's too pretty to just be out and out straight.

Btw does anyone have any interest in this being continued?

Originally Posted by Satashi

@Shiny:

Spoiler for Lyrical Boy Stage's first music video:

The screen fades in to Yuuno's outstretched hand, in which a girl's hand was placing a ring into. The sound of a heart beating echoed around as Yuuno slowly closed his hand while Nanoha withdrew hers. Slowly, the male turned around to avoid watching Nanoha walk away from him.

The view changes to what appears to be a room with a few wooden chairs scattered around. As the heart beats, different males walk into the room. Zafira at first, followed by Chrono, Vice, Griffith, Acous, and finally Yuuno.

"Its you..." Yuuno said softly as more beats started to play. The males around him repeated the words as the camera went to each of them, all looking as if they were sharing the pain of Yuuno's broken heart. Placing his hands together in front of his face, Yuuno began to sing in a soft voice. "I don’t need anyone else, it’s only you.
When you ask again, it’s only you."

Cutting to a street in a small town at night, Chrono was walking with his hands in his pockets, singing out where Yuuno left off. "Even if you already have another love-
I can’t forget you, I can’t turn back around."

Coming from the corner that Chrono passed, Zafira picked up as he walked away from the other man. "Oh~ The moment my eyes began to burn...The moment my heart was captured by you"

Acous got out of his convertible parked where his friend walked by and continued. "I have no regret, I chose you....That’s right, it’s you."

Yuuno looked up at the sky as the rest of his friends made it to him on the street. Together they all sang together, their feelings matching their hurt member's. "Ooohhh! whatever anyone anyone says, it doesn’t matter to me!" Together they all danced forward, moving their hands in rhythm to their footsteps. "Oh whenever fangirls curse me, I’ll only look at you." Yuuno, Acous, and Griffith put a hand in their left pocket while leaving their right hand out beside them, still stepping in beat, while Zafira, Chrono, and Vice bent forward a little and snapped their fingers while strutting as well. "Even when a new season starts, it’s still only you." Moving their hand in front of their faces, everyone began to go backwards. "Even as time goes byyyy"

The scene cuts to Yuuno running down the street with flowers in his hand before going back to all of them dancing on the street, where they moved together in a fast foot movement that continued up their bodies before pointing to the side.

As Yuuno walked by an outdoor seating area, Zafira got up from a chair and closed a note in his hand."Oh when you tell me you love me, when you tell me thousands and millions of times!"

Vice walked behind Zafira and picked up the lyrics as he went down the sidewalk. "Even when my heart sets on fire, my dry lips wear out." As he went by a corner, you see Chrono spray painting on a graffitied wall.

"Even when I’m born again, it’s still only you." The scene moved around, showing everyone on the street again, hand over their chests above their heart. As the heartbeat sounds again, each of their chests pumped with teh beating "Oh oh only for you Oh oh only for you~"

...
...
...

KYAAAAA!!!! *squeling fangirl*
Chrono! Yunno! Sign my shirt!! *jumping*
(^//////^)


@ Shiny and Satashi: its really good, thank you sempai!

[00-Raiser]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Mentioning it would be bad enough, but if you actually plan on having her doing it for a few paragraphs while listening, then that would be something that even I (In all my lemon writing glory) would send through at least five beta readers before releasing.

Well, I suppose calling it a 'scene' is a bit much. It's more like just one paragraph. Certainly wouldn't call it a lemon either. Just a hint of cirtrus. Doesn't really go beyond 'groans' and 'creaking matress'.

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Though I do agree that it would be a significant cause of guilt and loathing, I'd think that she could overhear and imagine herself with Yuuno without actually taking it to the next step.

I suppose I could change it to something like "She clamped her hands over her ears to block out the sounds, hating the fact that she wished it was happening to her instead."

How does that sound?

[Rising Dragon]

Well, such a scene can't be any weirder than, say, Satashi's Please Teach Me. >________>

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

I suppose I could change it to something like "She clamped her hands over her ears to block out the sounds, hating the fact that she wished it was happening to her instead."

How does that sound?

Like a bad hentai game. Really, the whole "Parents are going at it and she gets off on it" is rally lame to me. Like you're struggling to add smut in to keep your readers interested.

I really don't like the idea the more I think about it. Seriously stop and look at the reactions your getting. Its already "squick" without even being written yet.

Spoiler for NSFW:

Why not just put Vivio in her bed masturbating and then have the sounds come and Vivio think she wished it was her then immediately start hating herself for thinking it, doing a mental debate that she was just in the mood and it happened at that time, and basically talking herself out of wanting it.

.....Gah, the more I try to come up with possible scenarios, the more I don't think its even needed at all. I'm sorry, I can't even think of something to make it more plot than smut. No matter how you put it, Vivio is still doin something completly perverted. The act in of itself says she wants to do the bunny hop with her father and getting off on the idea alone is enough, but throwing in her mother you just......

Have a plot for a cheap rate porn movie....

I'm sorry, but my advice: don't do that scene.

Originally Posted by Rising Dragon

Well, such a scene can't be any weirder than, say, Satashi's Please Teach Me. >________>

Yeah but that was an experiment and Nanoha/Vivio bonding. Not running your batteries down while listening to your parents.

(Besides, I think mine was tastefully done )

EDIT: *re-reads it* okay, it sucks. that should be deleted -.-

[RadiantBeam]

Yeah, Raiser, I have to go with Satashi and Dezo on this... just the description of that scene is making me squirm, and not in a good kind of way. I don't think you should put it in if it's already having this kind of reaction and you didn't even write it out yet.

[BPHaru]

Originally Posted by Alavon

Here is part 3 of 6 from 'Animal Instincts'.

Previous:

Animal Instincts: Preface

Animal Instincts: (1/6) Chapter 1: The Girl from the City

Animal Instincts: (2/6) Chapter 1: The Girl from the City

Spoiler for Part three of six (3/6) from 'Animal Instincts': Chapter 1:

Even though I don't want to even be near the townsfolk today (or any day for that matter), I still needed to eat something. I knew a place nearby that gives me a free beer with a small meal of their choice and no...I don't receive them out of courtesy. They would give a free meal so that I could, “Get the hell out of my pub!”

Definitely not out of courtesy.

I arrived at Mary's Hub Spot and after a passing a few older guys who threw a few colorful words at me, I entered the pub and was greeted with the usual silence. All eyes were on me but then left their prey and brought their full attention to their personal tasks.

I took off my hat and jacket, inhaling the smoke-filled air. I then tiredly strolled to an empty stool at the end of the packed pub. As always, the surrounding area of where I was sat was evacuated; it was like I was a plague. I shrugged at their stupidly and at that moment, a small plate of chicken wings and french fries with a Hoffnung Beer was placed in front of me. I looked up and Mary, the pubs owner, and nodded. She completely ignored me and went off to get more orders with a wide, toothy smile.

Bitch.

I ate my food silently...as usual.

I ate my food alone...as usual.

I ate my food...just as always.

No change whatsoever.

Little did I know, change will come in an unexpected way.

A loud scream pierced the pub and I dropped my chicken in surprise. I swerved around on my stool and looked out at the rectangular window near the oak door where everyone else was staring at. A large crowd was gathered outside the pub and there seems to be some angry shouting. Fights never occur in this damn town (that does not include me) and as much as I hate to admit it, curiosity finally got a firm hold on me. I stood up and ran towards the door and, after getting a few angry “Ouch! Watch where you're going!”, I opened the door and walked out to where the commotion was. I felt a soft touch on my cheek and at that moment I noticed that it was beginning to snow. Instinctively, I put on my hat and jacket and made my way to the circle, my curiosity getting the best of me. Strangely enough, nobody looked at me dirty and did not dispersed as I push my way to the middle. It was tight and the shouting was hurting my hear but I was able to catch what they were saying.

“Why the hell are you doing here!? You're worst than that sorry-piece-of-human-flesh!”

I groaned. That was a new insult that I haven't heard before.

“We don't need city folks so get the hell OUT!!”

I blinked. City folks? Here?

I made one last squeeze and got right out of the circle and...I lost my breath.

You're mean! You just can't cut the chapter in that part!

That aside, this was another excellent update, I really like what you're doing with the setting and with the town people being so tsundere to Fate (yes, they're tsundere, because we know that people can really hate our kind Fate ^^). I can't wait for the next part~

Originally Posted by Alavon

But I don't know if want to post it on fanfction.com. You and Liitha were the only ones who said anything about my fic so I don't know if it's going well...

But who knows?

If you don't get many replies here it isn't because your fic is bad, I'm sure it's not because even if we haven't read much of "Animal Instincts" yet so far it's looking great. If you don't get comments should be simply because for X reason the users who visit this thread haven't read it yet or because they don't have something particular to comment, sometimes that happens with short updates like yours.

I'm sure that if you post it at fanfiction.net the readers will like it and if you post a proper summary lots of people will give it a try and enjoy of this nice piece of literature ^^


@00-Raiser: I agree with Satashi and the others, for me the idea is disgusting. Also, it would be better if you use Nanoha and Fate instead of suggesting an alternate couple/family for not plot purposes, I think that would actually work well, I can see a lot of potential using that kind of plot line. Also, I can really see Vivio falling for her Fate-mama xD It's not like anyone can resist her charm, but I suppose people won't try anything with Fate because they don't want to provoke the Wrath of the White Devil xD That's too dangerous, but if she's their daughter she can actually have some real survival chances ^^

Cuídense y sigan sonriendo

[XenahortCharybdis]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Yeah, Raiser, I have to go with Satashi and Dezo on this... just the description of that scene is making me squirm, and not in a good kind of way. I don't think you should put it in if it's already having this kind of reaction and you didn't even write it out yet.

Well, the main trouble we're all having right now is that the plot sounds like it's essentially 7 minutes of half the incest-related hentai movies ever released. Just flick the role of the players around a bit here and there. Hell, even I'm going a bit at this. It's just not...how do you say...

...am I allowed to say that this development, unless done under severe build-up conditions of angst and bad ends, is just not good plot handling? Especially when It's A Family Affair, this Renketsu Houshiki (Art of Coupling) just doesn't do it for me...I'd be shifting in my seat less if it was a love triangle going School Days-bad, but even then you need a build-up to the scene-

-because it's either one of simply abject moral despair, or a plain old fashioned fapfest, and that's considering it's done right in either one of the extreme intentions. Do it wrong, however, and it becomes neither: it becomes something of a 'meh, so that's it' issue, which is in itself the most tragic outcome. So my thumb's down too on this matter.

[RadiantBeam]

Well, if the scene has proper buildup then yes, I can accept it. Just... throwing it out without any development or background info is making me go "" right now.

[TheShinySword]

To 00-Raiser:

I've seen masturbation used to show guilt and despair done well once but that didn't have creepy incestial overtones. The idea itself isn't bad but the fact that it's HER PARENTS HAVING SEX, which is an incredibly traumatizing thing for pretty much any child ever, is what makes it utterly disturbing. otherwise you've just got creepy smut that loses it's intention in the over all ick. The idea in general is creepy as hell and I won't be touching it with a ten foot pole but that aside I'm with the rest on the drop the scene and figure out something else to do with it.

[00-Raiser]

Well, I do have most of the fic written out already, actually.

But the main idea here is that to Vivio, Yuuno was 'the guy I'm in love with' before he was her father. It's making that adjustment that's causing her grief. The idea of the scene wasn't smut for smut's sake, at least. Hearing the person you're in love with having sex in the next room, I considered what would be a natural reaction.

I understand the discomfort though, so I'll take your advice and remove it.

[Satashi]

Originally Posted by 00-Raiser

Hearing the person you're in love with having sex in the next room, I considered what would be a natural reaction.

...I would cry really hard into my pillow.....

[XenahortCharybdis]

Originally Posted by Satashi

...I would cry really hard into my pillow.....

I, on the other hand, may start fingering my collection of knives...

[TheShinySword]

Yeah I'm with Satashi on that one, the natural female reaction isn't masturbation >__> it's tears and lots of them (okay not for every girl)