Dating

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Heh, well, your opinion is certainly different than quite a few people here, but I'm willing to let it drop, as long as people are willing to stop going, "OMG there you go with the PESSIMISTIC viewpoint? WTF is wrong with you!? We don't want that kind of talk here!" (when the actual viewpoint is neither pessimistic nor cynical, but realistic and different)

You being pessmistic on you is fine, that's nothing new there.
The reason I had a go at you (which you've missed my interpretation hence you've taken it as a personal attack) is because you replied to Arbitres' posts saying things like 'look at the respones you've gotten, this shows people can't accept differences' and then add your brand of how you see things.
In other words, your words I thought where aimed towards Arbitres in a 'see, people like us can never be accepted' kinda tone, since you were replying (or rather, quoting) from him, and he was the subject.
Not another post on yourself. -.-
Arbitres' said what he said, it wasn't happy and light, and note with my initial response, I didn't as much as draw a nail for blood at all, as others can serve to relate to him which may lead to some help somewhere.

Take that into consideration as i've just taken that you claim it was referring to you and then re read my stuff, but I'm hopping over to your profile wall or I'll probably stalk you on voice, text is limited, dropping it here.
And drugs are bad, m'kay~

@Hai hai, Ricky, I'll try to do better to not pick on Kaijo specifically and will bite my fingers when I get the itch to type a novella that attemtps to direct to the other side of the coin.

PS:
Being single means you have time to get you know yourself, go out whenever, can spend your finances as you like, don't have to worry about b'days or anniversaries, don't get into arguements, you can take up more courses or devote time to new skills otherwise spent in a relationship.

And so on, loneliness aside, there is no 'curse' or negative for being single and if you're lonely, then suddenly being with a partner won't be the magical cure for that.
(although, taking it from an age 40+ p.o.v when most have families, 'companionship' may be taken into consideration.)

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by UltimaWolf

I have a question. How long does it take for a person to be out of a relationship and into another without the second relationship being considered a 'rebound'? I'm sure it depends on the person, but any idea on how long you should wait?

I think it depends from person to person and there's no timeline I can't give you that'll make sense for the particular case you have in mind. I've seen people get new relationships after 3 months that weren't rebounds and I've seen rebounds show up after 1 year. It's just a matter of a person's state of mind, some people take a long time to get over someone.

Also it depends quite a bit of the emotional and time investment on the previous relationship since the higher the investment the more time it'll take to get over it.

[zebra]

Originally Posted by GN0010 Nosferatu

Is there any type of...chemical to make one impervious to the negative aspects of being single?

Start to enjoy it, goddamit! D: See the positive aspects and there are a lot! xD
Don't let it get you down. Go out with your friends and be irresponsible. Experience the tales you can tell you're next girlfriend (in case she's open minded enough ).

Have fun as long you're still unchained! D:

Being single is a lot of fun if you allow yourself to. It helps to get over bad experiences, too. At least it does with me. It's my first step to get out of my I-hate-all-men phase after a break up.

Gee my boyfriend shall never read the things I write here

@the rebound thing, as others already said it differs from person to person and also depends on what experience they have to stomach. There is no set time limit.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by UltimaWolf

I have a question. How long does it take for a person to be out of a relationship and into another without the second relationship being considered a 'rebound'? I'm sure it depends on the person, but any idea on how long you should wait?

It depends on the person; there's no set time limit for when you can move on from one relationship and have another without it being a rebound. For me, I'd say it took me about.... six or more months to have a relationship that wasn't short. But again, it varies from person to person.

[sergho]

Soul mate. This phrase is impossible. How can you be someone's soul mate when the genders are so different?

She could care less about power tools for example.

She doesn't find The Three Stooges funny at all.

She makes a fuss over babies even if they're a stranger's baby.

She can grieve like crazy when a loved one dies and she gets amazing happy when I remember to buy her a present.

She'll stress for days over what color to paint a room. What's wrong with white? if you have to paint over something, it's always easy to find white paint.

All scratches and scrapes must be properly treated. She makes me go to the doctor and her and the doctor talk about me like I'm not in the room.

It's like living with an alien.

[zebra]

^Generalization!

Originally Posted by sergho

She'll stress for days over what color to paint a room. What's wrong with white? if you have to paint over something, it's always easy to find white paint.

Funnily enough my guy annoys me for weeks over how he paints his living room
And he does it in purple! All people think I pushed him to do it, but they're wrong! I find it amazingly amusing, that he is painting his walls in such a girly colour. The white dragon over his couch won't rescue the manliness

Guess he just loved how I painted my cave.

And he's also the one to make fuss over babies/kids. Or about my health - it's an headache not the end of the world, sheesh.

[Lio]

Originally Posted by Mystique

We're all having discussions with each other and exchanging ideas, opposing on not on here, especially in this dating thread as well.

You'll understand one day, even if that means years from now.
Looking at you is like looking at my former self, that's why I can understand you perfectly. It's quite a humbling experience...

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I'm not concerned, I'm just curious, is all. I mean, you always give this advice in your posts, and I know that all advice isn't exactly fool-proof, but I don't know... it seems like a kind of narrow way of viewing things when you can just as easily apply it to a "low-level" relationship, as you put it, as you could to a normal, healthy relationship.

EDIT: Then again, maybe I'm just overthinking it. I tend to do that a lot.

Probably. When it comes to relationship advice, there's only what works, and what doesn't work for that specific situation (although it could apply to most relationships).
Unlike western psychology that tries to explain everything by putting things into all-encompassing definable containers (which are ultimately illusory), as long as a piece of advice works for you, and you know it works for people in similar situations, that's all that matters.

Originally Posted by UltimaWolf

I have a question. How long does it take for a person to be out of a relationship and into another without the second relationship being considered a 'rebound'? I'm sure it depends on the person, but any idea on how long you should wait?

Is that person trying to fill a hole in their heart with something that feels similar to what they lost?

Or, is that person ready to start a new chapter in their life?

[GN0010 Nosferatu]

Originally Posted by sergho

Soul mate. This phrase is impossible. How can you be someone's soul mate when the genders are so different?

She could care less about power tools for example.

She doesn't find The Three Stooges funny at all.

She makes a fuss over babies even if they're a stranger's baby.

She can grieve like crazy when a loved one dies and she gets amazing happy when I remember to buy her a present.

She'll stress for days over what color to paint a room. What's wrong with white? if you have to paint over something, it's always easy to find white paint.

All scratches and scrapes must be properly treated. She makes me go to the doctor and her and the doctor talk about me like I'm not in the room.

It's like living with an alien.

Makes ya wonder...doesn't it?

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by zebra

Funnily enough my guy annoys me for weeks over how he paints his living room
And he does it in purple! All people think I pushed him to do it, but they're wrong! I find it amazingly amusing, that he is painting his walls in such a girly colour. The white dragon over his couch won't rescue the manliness

Guess he just loved how I painted my cave.

And he's also the one to make fuss over babies/kids. Or about my health - it's an headache not the end of the world, sheesh.

It's clear who wears the pants in this relationship.

Originally Posted by Lio

You'll understand one day, even if that means years from now.
Looking at you is like looking at my former self, that's why I can understand you perfectly. It's quite a humbling experience...

rofl dude, you're twenty-three. I'm pretty sure Mystique has more than a few years on you in terms of life experience. At least what comes out of her mouth I can understand.

What I don't understand is what comes out of your mouth. Your understanding of love and relationships appears to be entirely constructed from the plot and tropes of bad shoujo manga.

Originally Posted by Lio

Probably. When it comes to relationship advice, there's only what works, and what doesn't work for that specific situation (although it could apply to most relationships).

What works is going to differ from person to person. Different people are different. What works for my girlfriend and me may not work at all for Beamers and her boy--in fact, it almost certainly won't since our relationships (and ourselves) are fundamentally different in pretty much every way.

Originally Posted by Lio

Unlike western psychology that tries to explain everything by putting things into all-encompassing definable containers (which are ultimately illusory), as long as a piece of advice works for you, and you know it works for people in similar situations, that's all that matters.

Kinda strawmanning psychology there, just a bit. Not all shrinks are out to blame everything on the video games or get pharmaceutical kickbacks. Some are genuinely interested in tearing apart the human mind and finding out what makes it tick.

Someone once told me that being "open-minded" is foolish, as an open mind is akin to an open wound--all sorts of unsavory thoughts can get lodged in there, resulting in the psychic version of an infection.

Instead, you should keep an active mind. Open your mind to helpful, innovative thoughts, to ideas that work for you and your situations while closing yourself to and locking out the damaging information and useless mental junk.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

What works is going to differ from person to person. Different people are different. What works for my girlfriend and me may not work at all for Beamers and her boy--in fact, it almost certainly won't since our relationships (and ourselves) are fundamentally different in pretty much every way.

Beamers, huh? I may have to make use of that. *Evil grin*

Concerning the rebound issue, there's no real hard time limit defining when it is or is not a rebound. As others have said, you have to feel it out for yourself. If you're dating someone to cover up hurt or make up for some perceived deficit, than you shouldn't pursue it.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Lio

You'll understand one day, even if that means years from now.
Looking at you is like looking at my former self, that's why I can understand you perfectly. It's quite a humbling experience...

Um, just to point out, Mystique is older than you, Lio.

Is that person trying to fill a hole in their heart with something that feels similar to what they lost?

Or, is that person ready to start a new chapter in their life?

I think it's rather hard to tell what a person's intentions are with the relationship until after it's been established for awhile. Yes, at a certain point, red flags are going to go up if the person is showing signs of not letting go of their past, but there's no way of knowing that when you first start dating that person.

Unless they're rather abundantly clear about it, in which case I don't understand why you would date them in the first place.

EDIT:

Beamers, huh? I may have to make use of that. *Evil grin*

Not in front of the other posters, honey. You promised that would only happen when we were alone.

[Lio]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

rofl dude, you're twenty-three. I'm pretty sure Mystique has more than a few years on you in terms of life experience. At least what comes out of her mouth I can understand.

What I don't understand is what comes out of your mouth. Your understanding of love and relationships appears to be entirely constructed from the plot and tropes of bad shoujo manga.

I don't expect you to understand everything I say.

There are always people who will benefit from what I give, and there will always be doubters and debaters. Then sometimes, there are people who are just curious enough to ask genuine questions.

I don't try to convince anyone to believe anything they don't want to believe, because there are always more people who will benefit than people who doubt.

As for the thing with Mystique... age does matter to a certain extent. What matters more are the experiences themselves. I can tell you that I was once like her. Almost exactly like her, that I've now grown out of. I've met many people like her, as well as many people like myself who grew out of that phase at all kinds of different age ranges. She can enjoy what she has right now and feel good about it, like I did, but I'm more than certain that she'll grow through that phase someday. For her though... it could be quite a few years away, though there's nothing wrong with it. Neither of us are higher than the other.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I think it's rather hard to tell what a person's intentions are with the relationship until after it's been established for awhile. Yes, at a certain point, red flags are going to go up if the person is showing signs of not letting go of their past, but there's no way of knowing that when you first start dating that person.

Unless they're rather abundantly clear about it, in which case I don't understand why you would date them in the first place..

I was speaking from the other party's perspective.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Lio

I was speaking from the other party's perspective.

Ah, oops, my mistake. Somehow when I read it I thought you were speaking from the perspective of the person getting involved. My bad.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Lio

As for the thing with Mystique... age does matter to a certain extent. What matters more are the experiences themselves. I can tell you that I was once like her. Almost exactly like her, I was boorish and uncouth, a veritable font of assholery. BUT I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT AND EVOLVED INTO A GREATER BEING, A BEING OF PURE ENERGY THAT YOU MERE MORTALS CANNOT BEGIN TO COMPREHENDDDDDDDD^6^6^6^6^6

Fixed that for you.

Sorry, but subtly insulting Mystique isn't going to win you any brownie points here. She's well-liked by a lot of posters precisely because she calls people out on their bullshit when they're being dickbags.

Look, I really don't care that much and I'd really love it if this thread could get re-railed so we can talk about dating and relationships again. But when you go around passive-aggressively badmouthing another user, to the point of creating an entire thread as a Take That directed at her, it really hurts discussion.

I don't need to defend her; she can amply do that herself. What I am going to say though is that your posts in this thread really don't make a lot of sense. To anyone.

Can we please get this thread re-railed?

[Lio]

^ Well, you derailed our efforts to bring it back on track, if you haven't noticed.

[synaesthetic]

I don't really buy any of that zodiac stuff myself (it just seems like something silly, just for fun). I mean, I'm a Taurus, but I act more like a Libra.

I wouldn't really rely on zodiac sign compatibility to determine whether someone was "right" or "wrong" for me.

I'd rather get to know them and base any determination of compatibility off of that information. Some folks might fit into the personality type given by a specific zodiac sign, but I feel safe in saying that's probably the exception rather than the rule.

[zebra]

I barely know that much about zodiacs (Fruits Basket added that word to my vocabulary! XD) ... but I'm well categorized as a Taurus. It fits almost too well.
But I don't see it as something I need to tick off my checklist of compatibility, but just as something fun. Believe in it when it seems good, disregard it when it tells you your relationship is doomed.

I did get a check up for any combination I've been in because my mother knows a lot about zodiacs - and it hasn't been that off in the past, but as I said, it's just for fun for me
But I seriously should have known TaurusxTaurus doesn't work for a long time - when both have the typical Taurus character.

I could get all scientific and try to sedate it with saying the generalizations can always apply bla bla and natures are influenced by the weather and temperature during the first months bla bla, but I don't really care enough What use is it anyway, astrology isn't known for it's logic.


As for use as a pick up line ... depens on how smooth you are and how receivable the other end is.
If you ask for the zodiac sign you have to know something about the compatibility or be well spoken enough to think off something smart on the spot (and be lucky enough s/he doesn't know anything about it). It can work I guess and can come off as extremely charming, but it's also easy to get laughed at.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by GN0010 Nosferatu

Makes ya wonder...doesn't it?

No offense guys, but I see this "girls are from another planet" thing a lot among geeks circles, and I can't help but think that kind of thinking is why a lot of geeks don't have girlfriends. It often feels like they expect girls to bend to their expectations but not the other way around.

FYI, I doubt my girlfriend is going to bend to my idea of an ideal cosplay "session" anytime soon, and I'm certainly not bowing to hers. Seeing as it, you know, involves me crossdressing as Hitagi Senjougahara so I can join her and her friend's Bakemonogatari cosplay group.

Your partner is not going to agree with you about everything. Heck, my girlfriend and I don't even agree on cosplay stuff and that's what brought us together in the first place.

[GN0010 Nosferatu]

I was just making a joke, that's all.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

FYI, I doubt my girlfriend is going to bend to my idea of an ideal cosplay "session" anytime soon, and I'm certainly not bowing to hers. Seeing as it, you know, involves me crossdressing as Hitagi Senjougahara so I can join her and her friend's Bakemonogatari cosplay group.

....I actually want to see this.

How about this, tell her it's a deal if she cosplays as Araragi at the same time. Perks of this are, you can mock-abuse her the whole day, and get away with it.