Dating

[idiffer]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

And people are surprised they get cheated on...seriously just wtf are you smoking when you're posting?

Friend of mine ditched his girl, because she didn't give a damn about him when he was in the army. In his words, "I'm not your personal toy to play around with while I'm here". Keeping the relationship as alive as possible is a #1 priority.

how do the first 2 quotes relate? i'm not smoking, i'm drinking beer. oh, and i'm surprised ppl are surprised. i thought it always went down that way...
the number of priority depends on what u want. and that can vary greatly.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by idiffer

it doesn't take a genius to tell they don't work at all. long distance relationships are not healthy and stable by default. communication is not all there is to it. sadly u have to touch and see each other for it to work.
there is no suicide. there is only the cutting of losses. no contact- no reminders of what u could have had right this moment if not for the damn army. no grief therefore...and when he comes - he comes, and all will be good again))
simon
first rule of idiffer - break the rules. ppl don't expect that and that is awesome.
"being connected by all this instant technology doesn't mean we really know how to communicate any more..."
QFT. we do not, we do NOT know.

I note with some amount of amusement that you didn't answer my question, but mayhaps that speaks for itself.
Long distance relationships can work, but I do concede that it's much more work, and rarer besides, than a long term "local" one.
I know several people, myself included, who have had successful long term, stable and healthy relationships, long distance and/or with little available interaction, besides chatting online, whether it be due to illness, work, schooling, or what have you. Hell, my hubby and I were separated for around 3 months long ago, when we were first married, due to life going cooky, and we did just fine talking on the phone/computer (this was nearly 15 years ago mind you) and seeing one another (maybe, if we were lucky) once every few weeks. We survived, and so have many other couples...

(I was writing this while working, pardon if I've missed like 5 posts in between lol)

Originally Posted by idiffer

sex is what seperates friendship from love. .

Again, I have to wonder what experiences you're drawing from..

My gf and I have been seriously dating for well over a year now, and you want to know how many times we've had sex in that year?


0


Yup, you saw that, ZERO. Do we love one another less? Hells, no! We merely built our relationship with our hearts first, without letting the genitals butt in to muck it up, as they sometimes do.

[idiffer]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

I note with some amount of amusement that you didn't answer my question, but mayhaps that speaks for itself.
Long distance relationships can work, but I do concede that it's much more work, and rarer besides, than a long term "local" one.
I know several people, myself included, who have had successful long term, stable and healthy relationships, long distance and/or with little available interaction, besides chatting online, whether it be due to illness, work, schooling, or what have you. Hell, my hubby and I were separated for around 3 months long ago, when we were first married, due to life going cooky, and we did just fine talking on the phone/computer (this was nearly 15 years ago mind you) and seeing one another (maybe, if we were lucky) once every few weeks. We survived, and so have many other couples...

(I was writing this while working, pardon if I've missed like 5 posts in between lol)

answer - none. i'm ashamed. but doesn't change the fact that i know things.
and...
you are one patient person.
maybe you are friends then? cause talking to a person isn't love in my book.
and i'm drawing that from the power of my brain. not from exp, yes, i suck. my friends tell things and some things are more then obvious.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by idiffer

answer - none. i'm ashamed. but doesn't change the fact that i know things.
and...
you are one patient person.

Patience has little to do with it; I'm a mature adult, who knows there's more than sex to a stable, healthy relationship. Yes, sex can be a PART of one, but it's not the end all be all, as we've proven.
And, though it'll negrep me (tbh I do not give a flying fig about my rep, why do people obsess over it ffs), as you admit to not having been in a relationship (I'm assuming, I may have totally misread what you replied), then I'm not entirely sure you've got a leg to stand on, here. I mean, you're entitled to your opinion, however abrasive it is, and no one will deny that. But I find it a little, well, tbh, a little off putting for you to insist that those who choose to have long distance relationships are somehow in the wrong (Your comment of "tell me u didn't want a body beside you." was rather insensitive, and to be blunt, cruder than necessary).

Originally Posted by idiffer

answer - none. i'm ashamed. but doesn't change the fact that i know things.
and...
you are one patient person.
maybe you are friends then? cause talking to a person isn't love in my book.
and i'm drawing that from the power of my brain. not from exp, yes, i suck. my friends tell things and some things are more then obvious.

o.O I can assure you, I do not go out on dates, snuggle in bed with, kiss and hold hands with my friends....

Mayhaps your brain needs to open itself up a little bit, so it can learn from the great wealth of knowledge this thread has provided?

[idiffer]

no, u're right. most times. a friend said that a virgin may have a better perspective of things. well, that held up till now...
insensitive...i repeat, "see substance, not form".
and u can't beat me at being bad rep'ed. you are awefully polite for that.
about wealth of knowlegem, life gives more than this thread by far.

[Kafriel]

how do the first 2 quotes relate?

They both encourage people to kill their relationship.

maybe you are friends then? cause talking to a person isn't love in my book.
and i'm drawing that from the power of my brain.

Here's some experience then, that even you must have had at some point in life:
1) I'm talking to my lecturer about an awesome energy project.
2) I'm talking to a girl I really like a lot about anything.
While I'm enjoying both conversations, can you see the difference?

[idiffer]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

They both encourage people to kill their relationship.

Here's some experience then, that even you must have had at some point in life:
1) I'm talking to my lecturer about an awesome energy project.
2) I'm talking to a girl I really like a lot about anything.
While I'm enjoying both conversations, can you see the difference?

while your 2nd hypothesis failed, i love u for the "relationships failed" part.

[Khu]

What?

Talking to your loved one can be enough for interaction, espeically if you're going to be seperated for a while. Talking to a lover will help with not being able to see them otherwise. Are you saying that all lovers do are kiss and do other general lovey dovey things and never just talk a bit? Because to be honest there's a lot more to communicate than just your carnal desires...

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by idiffer

while your 2nd hypothesis failed, i love u for the "relationships failed" part.

Excuse me, but how exactly does the second hypothesis fail? I can't speak for everyone else here but I would absolutely love to have a gf with whom I can speak to about anything and confide in without worrying about the consequences. Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.

[Nightbat®]

Uhmm,... people what is this about?

While I agree the placebo of internetlove won't hold forever,....

we're talking about 3 Friggin Months?

End of the world? 90 days? ...I think not
That is, unless it is all hormones and no substance, then it would take less than a month to die

If Miko Miko has nothing better to do than hang around her boyfriend all day, and doesn't know what to do without him,....
Well, there's something going wrong already, allthough I would not say it is the relationship

[NorthernFallout]

Regarding distance talk above: I had never been with a girl, and neither did I believe in distance relationships. Nor did my girl, it has to be said. Attraction over the net, maybe, but not love. Especially if it was different countries. Ludicrous! That doesn't work.

Well, the ways of the world proved me, and her, wrong. Known her for 3 years (of which we have talked almost every day), been together since October last year. Going to see her this summer. After that, we'll know for sure... Though there isn't much doubt now even.

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other. To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.

Also, this. Which is why I love her in the first place. Neither of us had anyone to confide deeply in (other than close family), then we found each other. So yeah.

[Knightrunner]

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Excuse me, but how exactly does the second hypothesis fail? I can't speak for everyone else here but I would absolutely love to have a gf with whom I can speak to about anything and confide in without worrying about the consequences. Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.

^^^
Tsuyoshi says it all

--------------------------------
This conversation reminds me why I had a crush with my highschool classmate I fell for her for her attitude rather than her looks.
--------------------------------
Miko Miko: I would suggest hanging out with your friends or get into hobbies that you liked before you met your bf. Action and comical movies sure can pass the time. This can be your chance to build up interesting adventures to converse with your bf when he comes back.

[SJCrew]

I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

If you're in high school, disregard all of the above. You kids stick to your books, games, and friendly social gatherings.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by SJCrew

I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

Yes, it is important. I am in no way denying that. However, at the same time, it is not the most important thing in a relationship and shouldn't be treated as such. I was simply pointing out that idiffer's argument that sex is what defines a loving relationship is incorrect. While sex is important, it is in no feasible way the factor that defines a proper, healthy relationship.

[JuGG]

Originally Posted by SJCrew

I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

If you're in high school, disregard all of the above. You kids stick to your books, games, and friendly social gatherings.

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Yes, it is important. I am in no way denying that. However, at the same time, it is not the most important thing in a relationship and shouldn't be treated as such. I was simply pointing out that idiffer's argument that sex is what defines a loving relationship is incorrect. While sex is important, it is in no feasible way the factor that defines a proper, healthy relationship.

It's all about balance really, right? Finding a healthy middle where your relationship isn't only about sex but also that it isn't an issue or lacking for either of you. Like any other issue between a couple if it's not sorted out through a little fight, conversation, or whatever then it will erupt or destroy you one day--that's just human nature. But 90 days without sex will do no harm as long as you deal with your own needs whenever and keep in contact (and find yourself still happy to wait) then there'll be no problem here.

That is as long as you can find something else other than hanging around. Surely there must be something constructive you're interested in. (learning a new skill, language, cooking, going to mates, films, whatever)

[idiffer]

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Excuse me, but how exactly does the second hypothesis fail? I can't speak for everyone else here but I would absolutely love to have a gf with whom I can speak to about anything and confide in without worrying about the consequences. Love is not a means through which you express your carnal desires, but to have someone with whom you can share you life with, create a connection with by way of knowing each other (not by way of sex). To love someone is to love every aspect of them, not just simply to sleep with.

because it doesn't work without "carnal desires". talking is good, no arguement there from me. but for me love is sex+talking/sharing/whatever u want to call it. one without the other falls into other territory. sex defines a relationship just as confiding defines it. they are 2 sides of a coin. why do u think ppl say there can be no friendship between a man and a woman? cause they will be attracted to each other physically. conclusion - when its not friends, then its lovers or nothing.
also this.

Originally Posted by SJCrew

I can't believe how naive you guys are with regards to sex. Sexual tension in a relationship, when not addressed, will boil over. If one of you is wondering about sex, bring it up with your partner and talk it out. I am not posting in a topic full of asexuals; every single one of you has the desire to have sex in some way, shape or form, and I'm pretty sure most of you talking about how unimportant it is are either sore or numb due to having missed multiple chances to score. Been there, done that.

Pretending sex isn't important in a relationship is dumb. If both you and your partner have the same ideals with regards to it and can hold off until a certain time, that's great. But chances are, there's going to be an incongruity somewhere along the line where one isn't communicating to the other about what they want or that the other party just plain isn't listening. This is why people cheat. If you don't want to risk being cheated on, address both the emotional and sexual needs of your partners.

If you're in high school, disregard all of the above. You kids stick to your books, games, and friendly social gatherings.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by idiffer

because it doesn't work without "carnal desires". talking is good, no arguement there from me. but for me love is sex+talking/sharing/whatever u want to call it. one without the other falls into other territory. sex defines a relationship just as confiding defines it. they are 2 sides of a coin. why do u think ppl say there can be no friendship between a man and a woman? cause they will be attracted to each other physically. conclusion - when its not friends, then its lovers or nothing.
also this.

The way you put it makes sound like you need sex to know that you're in a relationship with someone. Otherwise, you two are just friends. Let me ask you this then: to know you're in a relationship with someone, do you need to have sex with them first? Also, what you said above doesn't go along with what you said here:

Originally Posted by idiffer

sex is what seperates friendship from love.

[idiffer]

no, u don't need that to KNOW. u need it for it to FEEL like a relationship. we can put labels, but in the end, u can't deceive feelings

[Khu]

How the hell I managed to have a relationship without sex I'll never understand now.

[/sarcasm]

You don't need sex at all, even to make it feel like a relationship.

[idiffer]

you don't need life for it to feel like life
u don't need to hear for it to be music
y don't need to see for it to be a painting
we'll put words on the walls
and ideas in head
we'll drift in the halls
healthy and fed
@idiffer 2011