Dating

[Mistypearl]

(if she achieves her goal she will explore ship wrecks for a living.

Off topicness- OMG. I want that job! That sounds really awesome.

Anyway....
Yeah. I was wondering if there was anyone else here who went to an all girls school (or single sex school whatever) and how they dealt with dating and stuff like that. I mean I wasn't exactly the most graceful social butterfly...at all. When I went to public school in middle school, and I love going to an all girls school, but sometimes I'm afraid that once I go off to college I'll have no idea what to do, you know? I haven't talked to a guy other than my Dad in uhhh years. It also doesn't help that it's a boarding school and not day. eeek.

Any advice, really at all? Thanks. Sorry I know I'm like dropping in out of nowhere!

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by deathreape98

Anybody here mind telling me why people feel that dating as teenagers is necessary? No matter which angle I look at it from, save one, I can only see it as pointless. Anybody want to share their thoughts?

Test drive before you buy

And by test drive, I dont' mean sex, either. How on earth are you going to get experience dealing with someone in a relationship-type, well, relationship if you don't HAVE one?

Dating through high school etc taught me what to and not to look for in a partner....

[DragoZERO]

Originally Posted by deathreape98

Anybody here mind telling me why people feel that dating as teenagers is necessary? No matter which angle I look at it from, save one, I can only see it as pointless. Anybody want to share their thoughts?

It depends really. Experience is important, and I don't mean sex.

You learn to pick a proper spouse by dating multiple people. There are cases where a person is lucky to find that special someone quickly and live happily ever after, but that isn't the case for the rest of us.

There are some people who always have a girlfriend/boyfriend, always. Those people become dependent upon the person and tend to not grow as an individual as others who were single for some time. I can think of a few kids, five years after graduating mind you, who always had someone, always. And once they broke up and didn't have anyone, they had it rough.

There are then some people who never have a girlfriend/boyfriend, or at least not a steady one. These people may grow as an individual but do not learn the necessary skills in dealing with the opposite sex. Then when they enter college they find themselves in awkward situations that their peers may be able to handle with ease.

I found this out from experience, I have never had a girlfriend in my 23 years, there have been girls, but never a steady girlfriend. This is now coming back to haunt me to a degree, but one reason I never had a girlfriend is because I'm too damn picky (whether its an excuse or not get a girlfriend, well.. I'll ask a shrink one day, lol).

Unfortunately in this day and age sex is a big factor. And sex may not necessarily mean insert and thrust, but simple kissing too. Some people put high value on such skills and its unfortunate in many ways. I am still a virgin and would like to have a virgin girlfriend to experience everything together, for the first time (plus I hate the thought of another guy touching her).

In conclusion (what is this, a school essay, lol), there are both pros and cons. I think its best to have had one steady relationship by the end of high school. Dating too young isn't always good and there are many reasons for that (relationship hinder schoolwork and other important activities/stupid kids get pregnant).

So, if you have read all of that, I congratulate you. I never intended to write so much but it just came out.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Mistypearl

Off topicness- OMG. I want that job! That sounds really awesome.

Anyway....
Yeah. I was wondering if there was anyone else here who went to an all girls school (or single sex school whatever) and how they dealt with dating and stuff like that. I mean I wasn't exactly the most graceful social butterfly...at all. When I went to public school in middle school, and I love going to an all girls school, but sometimes I'm afraid that once I go off to college I'll have no idea what to do, you know? I haven't talked to a guy other than my Dad in uhhh years. It also doesn't help that it's a boarding school and not day. eeek.

Any advice, really at all? Thanks. Sorry I know I'm like dropping in out of nowhere!

Off-topic, but....always remember to sit with your legs closed around guys?

(No kidding. I've heard stuff about the behaviour of girls from single-sex schools when they enter a co-ed environment in junior college. )

[Crusader]

Originally Posted by deathreape98

Anybody here mind telling me why people feel that dating as teenagers is necessary? No matter which angle I look at it from, save one, I can only see it as pointless. Anybody want to share their thoughts?

Not a Teen anymore, but i thought was the only one who thought like that.
However people have varying reasons, some think that they just have to have someone, because someone else has someone, Some do it purely for sex, or rather to have fun. There are a few hopeless romantics like me, who are searching for that one person... Nowadays, the line seems to blurr, and people just get comfortable with whatever they get or remain unhappy.

From what i have seen, a lot of high school sweethearts don't last forever, or rather last as long as they think they will, never really realizing that they are in a closed enviroment, where they think they understand everything, but when they step into the adult world, things change as does their perception and tastes. Love does not last forever, or rather young love has a minor chance once exposed to adult independant life.

[Mistypearl]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Off-topic, but....always remember to sit with your legs closed around guys?

(No kidding. I've heard stuff about the behaviour of girls from single-sex schools when they enter a co-ed environment in junior college. )

Yeah. It really can go both ways like "I'm so rusty at this I don't even remember what the hell to do" and "OMG A GUY *flails self*"

Both are really sad, I really hope that I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum at least.
Thanks I'll keep that in mind haha.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by deathreape98

Until pollution kills them all.

Nope, there would still be plenty of fish. We've explored like 5% of the worlds oceans.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Cipher

Either way, being alone will also wound you physically and/or mentally. It turns you mentally unstable and it deprives you of outside help when physically ill. What only makes this "lone" situation better is its time length.

When you're alone, all that happens is what you do to yourself. No one other than you can be blamed for that, and no one else take away your freedom. When you're with other people, they can get away your freedom (read: hurt you) without your authorization.

I don't really consider people who would intentionally hurt you as "company". More-like, harassers. And I can' really think of anyone joining such. (except perhaps masochist.)

Why do you take things to the extreme without looking between the lines? Look around you (well at least in the european countries or america). For example, there are people who live/hang out with people who, at the certain point of the relationship, abuse them (and it doesn't seem to be that rare). The problem is that there's no *Tag* that says "you can't rely on this person" or "s/he's a dangerous person". It happens that people hastly befriend other persons that will look very nice at first, and who will in fact stab them in the back later. You know, for example, that's how a lot of rapes happen. That's why, imo, people should choose their friends carefully. If you really need friends, then before opening your heart and your home to a person, take the time to try to learn things about them.

I thought it was out of context but if its this type of "bad", then perhaps your right. But if its just drug-addicted or drunkard friends, then the controls to whether participate or not is in your hands.

That's the whole point of what I said. You can choose to participate or not. You can choose to befriend people or not. So, as i see it, for example, it's better to choose to stay with no friends if the ones around you are people like the ones Timdog knows (Timdog, no offense but from "what you said about them", I would refuse to befriend those people). Hence why I think it's better to choose to stay alone than choosing to befriend bad people (given your own definition of what is bad, of course) if there are only bad people around you. And if you spot that you're being fooled, then have some balls (why I, a girl, am the one who has to say that, damn it) and kick them out even if it means to lose all those jerks friends, instead of bending over to them.

That factor lies entirely on the individual. Even with peer pressure, the end decision is created depending on the nature of the individual. You can be good among bad people, they may influence you but you will also act as influence. But in the end, its up to the individuals.

In my case, I am not as nice as you. I don't plan to waste my time to try to influence people that I consider bad to befriend.

Originally Posted by Mystique

Nonetheless, it applies very very aptly to relationships.
"It's better to be alone than in bad company"

If you cannot live life with just yourself and be content with who you are, rather than wanting to seek someone outta sheer lonliness, despair or boredom, then a person is likely to attract the wrong kinda partners.

If there's one thing I'm liking about this thread lately, is that peeps are seeing that the 'finding a partner' isn't so easy as one may think nor is it so 'impossible' either.
It takes hard work to not only approach or take steps to get to the couple stage, but then to learn to live with each other (or get along since most here are still students), takes even more time and energy.

Thus it begins with you.
Being comfortable with who you are as a sole person means most of the work is done.
If you don't like yourself or focus on your advantages and highlight those, then how are other humans meant to see the good in ya then?
If there are skills you feel you lack on, brush up on them, gain confidence and enjoy life in the meantime.

Relationships are meant to 'enhance and enrich' not 'replace' certain aspects of your life that you may feel is missing.

About people who feel the need to rely all the time on others (in the case that I was talking about, to have friends), it's like wearing chains. They limit their own freedom. And given how some people can be evil, some of them will abuse them based on that.

Whatever the relationship, friends or lovers, they have to respect other people, and have to be respected in return. If there's no respect, or if it's only one sided, I don't see how it can work out.

Originally Posted by deathreape98

Anybody here mind telling me why people feel that dating as teenagers is necessary? No matter which angle I look at it from, save one, I can only see it as pointless. Anybody want to share their thoughts?

Depending on the individual, I personally don't think it's "necessary" as if you absolutely have to do it to become a good wife/husband/mother/father in your later life. Of course, it depends on the person you will meet. If you meet a girl who expect you to be very experienced in kissing, sex etc... sure it might be a problem (even if I believe that in some cases of true love, the two persons involved will not care much about that). Same, I think, for people who have no good references. For example, the ones who can't (or don't want to) take their parents as a good example (in terms of wife/husband/parents relationship).

I personally think it's a matter of choice and what you want/expect/desire at such age. And also if as a high schooler you start dating somebody the same age as you, or somebody older than you.

For example, you have:

1 The ones who want to try things by simple curiosity or because they think it's necessary to have a few possibly not so serious relationships before aiming for a serious one (and it doesn't necessarily include to have sex) for various reasons. Can be because they have no clue of what is good or bad to do in a relationship.

2 The ones who want to have sex, usually mainly driven by hormones, or just for fun.

3 The sheeps ones who want to do what their friends do (because they think they will be seen as trash if they don't do it) or just to be in the norm just as what they read in a teenagers magazine.

4 The ones who fall in love with another HS for real and expect their relationships to last long. Usually, when you date another high schooler, from what i've seen around me, it's rare that it lasts long but when those people enter a relationship, they sincerely expect it to last for long (given that sincerity, I don't think they can be blamed for it). Call it naivety, but you'll always find rare cases in which it actually lasted for long after high school. It doesn't only happen in animes, even if it's rare nowadays.

5 You also have the ones that actually seek a very serious relationship and already aim for marriage and/or having kids despite their age. I would say the main difference with (4) is that they mainly don't date high schooler. In the case of girls, it can happen when they date a man older than them. That kind of relationships is rare though. Especially nowadays.

6 The ones who are not interested in dating while in HS.

etc. etc.

There's no law that tell to people what's the best to do or what's good or bad, so they have the right to do what they want to do.


In my case, even when I was 15yo, I was already aiming for a very serious relationship, and so, marriage and kids (Jazzrat's not around this time today. Last time I said that, he kind of freaked out ). If at that time, I had met and fallen for, for example, an awesome serious 20yo man, I would have dated, and if our relationship had been healthly, married him. Sadly, at that time, mainly boys of type (2)-(3) tried to hit on me, so I rejected them. I think I would have belonged to (5) if I had dated a man at that time. So, as you can guess it, I haven't dated anyone when I was in high school.

In HS, I didn't believe that a person necessarily needs any dating experience before aiming for a very serious relationship, so I never responded to the pressure from other people who think the opposite. After all, I had in mind that my mom married my father (he was older than her) while she was very young. That they are still married, in love and happy. And that she is a wonderful wife and mother (yeah, i might be biased on that, but I truly believe that she's awesome).

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Mistypearl

Anyway....
Yeah. I was wondering if there was anyone else here who went to an all girls school (or single sex school whatever) and how they dealt with dating and stuff like that. I mean I wasn't exactly the most graceful social butterfly...at all. When I went to public school in middle school, and I love going to an all girls school, but sometimes I'm afraid that once I go off to college I'll have no idea what to do, you know? I haven't talked to a guy other than my Dad in uhhh years. It also doesn't help that it's a boarding school and not day. eeek.

Any advice, really at all? Thanks. Sorry I know I'm like dropping in out of nowhere!

Yep, went to one, learnt the true evil nature of women and came out despising my own gender, it’s all gravy
Dating wise, the all boys school was 5 mins down the road and a mixed school was a further 5 mins from that, so my town was filled with students from 3 kinds of schools (made for some fun ‘wars’ between us, lol)
As for dating, I dunno if girls from my end actually hooked up with boys from the other end, but in the UK, high school finishes at 16, so when you enter 6th form (16-18), people are just that bit more maturer and by then you’re entering a mixed sex environment. A lot of the dating seemed to happen from then on, throughout to uni as far as I saw, since usually in HS, by age 14 and 15 (for two years), we’re kinda too focused on passing our GCSE’s to get past the compulsory education stage.

But yeah, me 16, in 6th form and wow ‘boys’ were around!
Computing was one of my A levels, so go figure, 3 girls (inc me) and 25 odd boys *laughs* - I had an amazing time getting to know guys again, seeing how ‘simple’ they were compared to five years of bitchiness, backstabbing, gossiping, two faced emotions and so on.
You find things to be more direct, more simple, more fun with guys (or maybe it’s cause I’m just wired to synch with testosterone ), but man, it was refreshing as hell.
As well as that, for most part my hobbies are all male dominated, so making chit chat was the easiest thing in the world, I only had to pick one of 3 topics:
Football, video games or computers (and the internet which was up and coming back then). I hadn’t discovered anime yet and it was almost non-existent in the UK.

So use the time just to get to know guys, make friends with them and hang out. It’s learning to communicate with a mindset that’s different to ours, and more times than not, it’s kinda fun.

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Test drive before you buy

And by test drive, I dont' mean sex, either. How on earth are you going to get experience dealing with someone in a relationship-type, well, relationship if you don't HAVE one?

Dating through high school etc taught me what to and not to look for in a partner....

Simple, friendships are also relationships, just without the sex or sexual related feelings involved, but it can be just as much hard work and intense as a bf/gf relationship.
Time and effort is needed to keep it healthy, to evolve with the people you’d consider trusting your life secrets too or dropping things without even blinking requires a deep and tight kind of connection that more times than not is developed when the two people invest some serious time and effort with each other to get through the good and bad.
But it is a form of experience that is just as applicable to when you're dating with someone or getting to know a potential partner.

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Off-topic, but....always remember to sit with your legs closed around guys?

(No kidding. I've heard stuff about the behaviour of girls from single-sex schools when they enter a co-ed environment in junior college. )

Care to expand on that?

@Mistypearl -
Although to toss in the flipside of that, I did notice and learn why guys must sit with their damn legs open, especially when wearing jeans.
If you’re on the bus with a bunch of students or in class, do pay close attention to the way males sit down. At the time, I was just annoyed that they were taking up room on the bus when I could sit down, so would usually force them to make room meaning they’d have to close their legs. xD
Also, if you one day notice and figure out why they may have both their hands in their pockets, do let me know
(Although, I’ll confess, that one was pointed out to me, lol)

Originally Posted by Narona

In my case, even when I was 15yo, I was already aiming for a very serious relationship, and so, marriage and kids (Jazzrat's not around this time today. Last time I said that, he kind of freaked out ). If at that time, I had met and fallen for, for example, an awesome serious 20yo man, I would have dated, and if our relationship had been healthly, married him. Sadly, at that time, mainly boys of type (2)-(3) tried to hit on me, so I rejected them. I think I would have belonged to (5) if I had dated a man at that time. So, as you can guess it, I haven't dated anyone when I was in high school.

But you are aware of what you did back then right?
You potentially rejected your future husband because at first they did not fit into a category that you deemed worthy of your time.
You’re a strong minded girl, so I doubt you dumping a guy if you felt it wasn’t really going well would be too despairing for you, however to slam guys out before they even get a chance (and they did come up to approach you) is to damn yourself too.

9/10, probably those boys at the time were just simply horny little bastards, but who’s to say after hanging out with you, seeing the kind of girl you were, the morals you hold and how stubborn you can be, that they won’t think twice and go;
‘wait… she’s kinda different. Okay maybe at first I was just trying to get into her pants, but methinks, I may actually like her…’

Step out of your immediate ideals from time to time, just to see what potentially lies out there that you may find you like anyways.
Btw, you’ve sent me a few PMs and I apologise for the lack of response, if you have Skype or even AIM/MSN, it’s easier to answer everything in real time, so lemme know

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Mystique

But you are aware of what you did back then right?
You potentially rejected your future husband because at first they did not fit into a category that you deemed worthy of your time.
You’re a strong minded girl, so I doubt you dumping a guy if you felt it wasn’t really going well would be too despairing for you, however to slam guys out before they even get a chance (and they did come up to approach you) is to damn yourself too.

9/10, probably those boys at the time were just simply horny little bastards, but who’s to say after hanging out with you, seeing the kind of girl you were, the morals you hold and how stubborn you can be, that they won’t think twice and go;
‘wait… she’s kinda different. Okay maybe at first I was just trying to get into her pants, but methinks, I may actually like her…’

I said it once here IIRC. What I am contrasted a bit too much with the big majority of people I knew in HS back then. (For example, talking about marriage and babies so seriously kind of made me look like a freak at that time )

The criticism from some people, and around me, to see bunch of types of relationships/behaviors that I dislike kind of killed my interest in dating a high school boy.

Beside the ones in which I had zero interest in (sounds rude, sorry. And I think you might have an idea on the kind of man I would have liked to step in my life at that time), I was not seeing myself mass dating boys till finding one that would change his behaviors, or till I find one who had a secret side that I would have liked etc. I might sound like a rude/bad person, but in some cases, I don't think that giving false hopes to somebody I was not attracted to to begin with was a good thing to do either. That doesn't mean I didn't let them try to befriend me though. But blunt as ever, I didn't let things being unclear about friends and possible love interest. Kind of helped to know people better though.

That, and to be honest, maybe also that while I was spotting the immaturity of the boys in HS, maybe I was myself not mature enough to handle the boys I was talking about.

While I do realize that I turned down them that easily (too easily, maybe), I tend to not regret it though (what's done is done), so I don't really think about it.

Step out of your immediate ideals from time to time, just to see what potentially lies out there that you may find you like anyways.
Btw, you’ve sent me a few PMs and I apologise for the lack of response, if you have Skype or even AIM/MSN, it’s easier to answer everything in real time, so lemme know

I am not the kind to talk about some things and asking for advices about some things on a public forum, :secretive: :dodges:

And no need to apologize, you said a few times that you are really, really busy I'll send you my msn address

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Care to expand on that?

One story I've heard is this one time, when girls who were from single-sex schools in the secondary level came to school for the first day of classes in the pre-university level, they sat around with their legs open just like guys do, while wearing school skirts, and with guys present in the classroom too, apparently not knowing any better. From what I've heard, a female classmate who came from a co-ed secondary-level school had to go up to them and mention this awkward faux pas they apparently didn't even realise existed.

(Of course, the other story I've heard is that girls from single-sex schools are more likely to have experimented with same-sex relationships before, but eh, I figured that stuff's kind of universal in nature. )

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

One story I've heard is this one time, when girls who were from single-sex schools in the secondary level came to school for the first day of classes in the pre-university level, they sat around with their legs open just like guys do, while wearing school skirts, and with guys present in the classroom too, apparently not knowing any better. From what I've heard, a female classmate who came from a co-ed secondary-level school had to go up to them and mention this awkward faux pas they apparently didn't even realise existed.

That is interesting though, I'm kinda split with it. Yes, they should be told bout it so they're aware of how easy it is to tease a guy, then again can't you people really just turn a blind eye to it and get on if their stance isn't directly aimed at you?

(Of course, the other story I've heard is that girls from single-sex schools are more likely to have experimented with same-sex relationships before, but eh, I figured that stuff's kind of universal in nature. )

Nah, more a case of done to death male fantasy of having two of a same good thing, or girls wanting to try just cause it may be 'cool' or they were drunk (explains a good number of kissing cases in the UK, at least)
And then we have peeps like me, who renounce the gender and prefer to hung out with guys

Then again, boarding schools for guys, all that testoserone going about, the fights, agressiveness, horniness, etc.
Maybe then it's kinda universal in nature for guys to wank togther, or on each other or get really physical after one drunken horny night...?
(it is rhetorical, btw)
But it would be interesting to hear from the male end, what it must have been like to be back studying with females again after being cooped up with guys for ages.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Mystique

That is interesting though, I'm kinda split with it. Yes, they should be told bout it so they're aware of how easy it is to tease a guy, then again can't you people really just turn a blind eye to it and get on if their stance isn't directly aimed at you?

Even if it isn't, that kind of stance viewed from any angle still gives the 'free access!' vibe to anyone looking. As a guy, I'd say stuff like that is rather hard to ignore.

[Mistypearl]

@Mystique
Thanks for your insight, I'm sorry the girls at your school were like that, thankfully I haven't had any of it (at least I hope!) Also is there a certain reason why I have to pay attention to how they sit and put their hands besides taking up room?

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Mistypearl

@Mystique
Thanks for your insight, I'm sorry the girls at your school were like that, thankfully I haven't had any of it (at least I hope!) Also is there a certain reason why I have to pay attention to how they sit and put their hands besides taking up room?

Hee hee, it was public school life, happens to the most of us anyways. Naturally there was fun times too, but for most part, it was 'meh' for me.

As for 'reason', not really, it was just something I didn't quite realise during 6th form either as well as the answer being rather amusing, but it's nothing important.
Just note it down as something to ask a male friend someday if you get the chance.

[synaesthetic]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

One story I've heard is this one time, when girls who were from single-sex schools in the secondary level came to school for the first day of classes in the pre-university level, they sat around with their legs open just like guys do, while wearing school skirts, and with guys present in the classroom too, apparently not knowing any better. From what I've heard, a female classmate who came from a co-ed secondary-level school had to go up to them and mention this awkward faux pas they apparently didn't even realise existed.

I've never been in a non co-ed environment and I find that occasionally when I wear skirts, I sometimes do this without thinking about it. I can't stand sitting with my legs pressed together and my knees bent. It may look prim and proper and keep people from getting an eyeful, it makes my knees hurt. x_X

If I don't forget I usually sit with my legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles, which can be a problem for people if I'm sitting near a walkway...

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

(Of course, the other story I've heard is that girls from single-sex schools are more likely to have experimented with same-sex relationships before, but eh, I figured that stuff's kind of universal in nature. )

I'm pretty sure this mostly exists in fiction and not in real life. >.>;

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I'm pretty sure this mostly exists in fiction and not in real life. >.>;

I knew of two girls (went to separate all-girl's schools) who kinda did some experimenting with fellow classmates (in a NON-school setting, of course).

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

I'm pretty sure this mostly exists in fiction and not in real life. >.>;

I know people in RL who have done it. It just comes down to what you're attracted to, really, not whether or not it's done in real life or fiction.

[synaesthetic]

... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. I meant that the whole all-girls-schools being giant lesbian orgies is a (typically) male fantasy that only shows up in fiction.

And if you didn't gather that from what I said, wow, the lack of food really is fucking with my thought processes.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

... YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT. I meant that the whole all-girls-schools being giant lesbian orgies is a (typically) male fantasy that only shows up in fiction.

And if you didn't gather that from what I said, wow, the lack of food really is fucking with my thought processes.

Well, no, I got it, I'm just saying that it isn't always a thing in fiction.... okay, the lesbian orgies is, but it isn't unusual for students to experiment with each other even if they aren't in a same sex school.