Dating

[solomon]

Originally Posted by Nightbat®

It's 2014, they've been able to pay for themselves for close to a quarter of a century now

...and while they're at it, they can hold the door for me for a change

I know bro, but you just never win those battles.

[risingstar3110]

Could be a very weird question to ask...

For a beautiful, intelligent but sheltered girl in mid twenty, what kind of future marriage partner would she want?

I know it's different from person to person and there no way in hell there will be an answer that can remotely close to universal in this case. But any suggestions at all? Maybe opinions from your girlfriends? Your siblings? Hear-say on the train? Old stereotype that passed down from your parents?

Would you expect her to still mooning over male idol with stunning look and baby face like her teenager self? Still dreaming on meeting a prince of foreign land till she get to the wrong side of her twenty? Would she wait for a guy who could earn 6-figures from his newly graduated position to knock on her door, Or do they getting a bit more realistic by that age and set a minimum on look, age, financial power, and go with their hunch or simply judge guy on their personality?

Hmm.. i think I even started to confuse myself now

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by risingstar3110

Could be a very weird question to ask...

For a beautiful, intelligent but sheltered girl in mid twenty, what kind of future marriage partner would she want?

I know it's different from person to person and there no way in hell there will be an answer that can remotely close to universal in this case. But any suggestions at all? Maybe opinions from your girlfriends? Your siblings? Hear-say on the train? Old stereotype that passed down from your parents?

Would you expect her to still mooning over male idol with stunning look and baby face like her teenager self? Still dreaming on meeting a prince of foreign land till she get to the wrong side of her twenty? Would she wait for a guy who could earn 6-figures from his newly graduated position to knock on her door, Or do they getting a bit more realistic by that age and set a minimum on look, age, financial power, and go with their hunch or simply judge guy on their personality?

Hmm.. i think I even started to confuse myself now

It varies from person to person. Probably not that different from the male equivalent. She just wants to meet someone she connects with.

But it really depends on why and "how" she's sheltered.

But unless she's a bit mad, she's probably quite realistic at this point. It'll be less about white horses and more about having a fun time.

[risingstar3110]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

It varies from person to person. Probably not that different from the male equivalent. She just wants to meet someone she connects with.

But it really depends on why and "howl" she's sheltered.

But unless she's a bit mad, she's probably quite realistic at this point. It'll be less about white horses and more about having a fun time.

I'm not the type who often talk about private life on internet... but screw it. Let's do this...

Recently was introduced to a daughter of a family friend, then have a brief chat with her through a formal party.... very brief in fact. And i know it's cliche to say this, but for the first time ever in my life, i found a real girl that could actually be out of my league. I don't know, maybe I jump the gun too soon saying that. But it's an unfamiliar ground for me... and I really don't want to enter a battle that i can't win.

The reason why i think she's sheltered and out of my league? Single daughter of an aristocratic family. Nice look (Ok, i lied, she probably was as good looking as real world can offer). Good but simple clothing style. Meek personality, (IMO, based on the brief conversation and how she was following her mom during the whole party like a lost puppy).



Actually now i think about it, this probably was not too much on the girl herself. She could turn out to be an absolutely bitch and make our conversation right now meaningless. But the incident made me questioning a bit more on myself, how i absolutely get cold feet (hence the whole thing about whether i make the cut to be potential partner) and what should be the right thing to do in such and such situation. Another chance to encounter her will be there sooner or later, and i need to sort my head out before then, on whether it was too risky to go out of my way to pursue this type of relationship

[DonQuigleone]

I wouldn't overthink things. Just talk to her. For all you know she could be quite boring and YOU could be out of HER league!

Don't get into a "scarcity" mentality, and find a way to chat with her. Of course I know that your nerves makes that hard. I find it hard too. Maybe talk to her with a friend or family member so you feel more relaxed.

[risingstar3110]

Yeah you are right. I definitely needed to calm down. She could turn out either too boring or not really fit my personality.... Didn't mention it, but met a few girls like that in the same party and I think i handled myself well enough (keep it friendly but not sending them a wrong message).... as long as i'm not interested in someone, no matter what kind of sheltered princess she is, i can definitely keep my coo...

...but what if her personality seems to be really fitted mine as well? I think i will start to feel extremely nervous again...


And i don't want to read so much on it. But can't think of any other reason for that family friend to specifically call me out and introduce this girl to me in the middle of the party. In my mind, it is as close to omiai as it can get and i can't keep my mind around it.

[willx]

Interesting post on reddit that I thought was relevant:

How a Math Genius Hacked OkCupid to Find True Love

http://www.reddit.com/r/TrueReddit/c...e_love/cevt3es

tl;dr: Write more, write better, rewrite more. Be memorable, but not cloying. Be funny, but not desperate. Be smart, but not smug. Be different from other dudes. But more than anything: give women a reason to message you, and also give them a bunch of potential conversation starters so it's as easy as possible for them to do so. Use the concept of "kaizen", or "continuous improvement", in editing your profile. Someone reading your profile should want to know more about you. Elsewhere on Reddit you've heard stories about people "holding out for the people they deserve" without trying to be "the people who deserve to date the people they want". If you want messages, show that you are a person deserving of being wanted.

[GDB]

And by "show them that you are a person deserving of being wanted", they mean stalk girls to find out what they want and then pretend to be that. And by "continuous improvement", they mean keep changing your answers to match those of the girl you want to talk to.

Also, it should be noted he got 88 dates doing this, very few second dates, and only a single third date. In other words, he can lie to get a first date, but he's easily seen as being a liar when he suddenly isn't what he portrayed himself to be.

[DonQuigleone]

Originally Posted by risingstar3110

Yeah you are right. I definitely needed to calm down. She could turn out either too boring or not really fit my personality.... Didn't mention it, but met a few girls like that in the same party and I think i handled myself well enough (keep it friendly but not sending them a wrong message).... as long as i'm not interested in someone, no matter what kind of sheltered princess she is, i can definitely keep my coo...

...but what if her personality seems to be really fitted mine as well? I think i will start to feel extremely nervous again...


And i don't want to read so much on it. But can't think of any other reason for that family friend to specifically call me out and introduce this girl to me in the middle of the party. In my mind, it is as close to omiai as it can get and i can't keep my mind around it.

But if you guys are a fit for each other, then conversation will "flow" and you won't feel nervous!

That said you will feel ridiculously nervous before that "first date"... and so will she!

Edit: @willx: that guy is right. From my own experience, I've gotten a fair number of Chinese girls nessage me about my mentioning I cook Chinese in my profile, and I've never had anyone address my obscure taste in anime.

[Dextro]

Pardon my French but HOLY CARP I wasn't expecting having to deal with this kind of thing. Heck, it's so borderline scary that I'm not even sure that the person responsible won't find this. That's how scary this stuff is becoming right now. But if she does then kudos for her, maybe then she'll get the message and I won't have to deal with this quite so head on.

I'll try to keep this simple: Looks like a coworker is interested in me. She just sent me an email detailing what she's been trying to tell me apparently and it kind of freaked me out. Thing is she has a boyfriend and, apparently, a poly-amorous relationship at that. Thing is she seemed to be interested in me and apparently the right way to find debate material is to read what amounts to 10 years of blog posts... WHAAA???

And to top it all off she seems to have the idea that I was coming on to her. And now I'm going into stereotypical victim behaviour and say how I feel like it's partially my fault for talking with her like I do with my male coworkers. So yeah, the typical fake insults a bunch of 20 something year old dudes throw at each other just for kicks and giggles (and a bit of trolling I'll admit). The more rational part of my brain asks me to write that it's fully aware of how wrong this line of thinking is.

Now I've got a giant email from her that has the fear centre of my brain in overdrive and am serious wondering how this will almost without a doubt interfere with my work. I'm just too much of a coward to face this kind of thing head on.

Thing is that I really really like what I'm doing. I've managed to get a job exactly in the area I was interested in and am building the kind of software I wanted to build in college. It helps that I have a kickass boss and a team with whom I could bro-out normally.

Oh and let's be clear: I have no interest in her whatsoever. Kind of the opposite actually. If this was still in college I would probably have told her already to f*** off and been quite frontal about it. (Heck, I'm pretty sure everyone in the team still remembers when I had to, quite directly, ask her to shut up because I was trying to work).

Thinking about it now it was getting kind of awkward how it was getting increasingly harder to avoid her during lunch hour. I guess it makes sense now since she was probably actively doing the opposite!

Oh dear lord my brain hurts.

I've been thinking about re-working my personal website for a while but had been kind of stuck trying to salvage the old content. I'll probably re-evaluate my decision now and just nuke everything and start anew. I've been meaning to switch to writing in English anyway.

[Dr. Casey]

You could tell her that you're a strict monogamist and have no interest in polygamous relationships (this would probably be the way I'd handle it if I wouldn't see the girl much afterwards), but since she's a co-worker that would probably be a bad idea since it might create expectations that you'd be interested should she ever break up with her boyfriend. I understand how overwhelming this has to be, but sadly I think the least damaging route available is to steel yourself and do what has to be done (that is, give her an honest answer). Since she's in a polygamous relationship, she already has love from at least one if not multiple sources, so she should be fine.

And 10 years of blog posts is an awful lot to lose; I'd at least Ctrl + S everything before erasing it, just to keep it for myself so as to not lose all that history.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Dr. Casey

You could tell her that you're a strict monogamist and have no interest in polygamous relationships (this would probably be the way I'd handle it if I wouldn't see the girl much afterwards), but since she's a co-worker that would probably be a bad idea since it might create expectations that you'd be interested should she ever break up with her boyfriend. I understand how overwhelming this has to be, but sadly I think the least damaging route available is to steel yourself and do what has to be done (that is, give her an honest answer). Since she's in a polygamous relationship, she already has love from at least one if not multiple sources, so she should be fine.

And 10 years of blog posts is an awful lot to lose; I'd at least Ctrl + S everything before erasing it, just to keep it for myself so as to not lose all that history.

Yeah. I'm just trying to work up the courage to do so. Sadly I have to work closely with her (we're on the same team of 10 or so and we're the only team of developers in the company) so there's not much in the way of avoiding her.

And don't worry. Backups for the blog posts are safe, for now I just locked the server down with a password. Tomorrow I'll probably get working on the new pages and be done with it.

PS: I find it awfully fitting that the OP to Bounen no Xam'd randomly played on the car stereo on the way home. Kind of fitting

[HasuMasu]

<<Yandere has appeared!>>

<<What will you do?>>

<<Fight>> <---
<<Run>>

If you're not comfortable confronting her maybe you can bring some friends?

[DonQuigleone]

This isn't so complicated. Just write a short polite email back saying something along the lines of:

"I'm very flattered that you're interested in me, but I am not interested in this kind of relationship. Have a nice day"

She is very likely quite used to rejection.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by DonQuigleone

This isn't so complicated. Just write a short polite email back saying something along the lines of:

"I'm very flattered that you're interested in me, but I am not interested in this kind of relationship. Have a nice day"

She is very likely quite used to rejection.

I talked to a friend of mine and yeah, that's what I went with. I'm really not sure what'll be her reaction but we'll see.

[Sammy388]

I completely agree, that's one of the nicest feelings. At first you think it's crazy to ask them out but you do anyways and they say yes! And the best part is when you find out the other person, the one you thought was out of your league, felt the same way about you!

[DonQuigleone]

Recently I got some opportunities to talk to some Chinese girls, while I've generally tried to keep my enthusiasm for all things Chinese and Asian subtle, I have found an extremely positive reaction to my being able to name characters from romance of the three kingdoms. Anyone else encountered this?

[DevilHighDxD]

Has anyone like really like some girl before and began to approach them with the goal making them your gf. But when you're coming very darn close to the goal, you suddenly lost all your interest/feeling for them?

It happened so many times on me that it isn't funny anymore, at first there a girl I really like and I'm seeing and talking with her almost every days until one I completely lost interest in her. From then on I'm actively avoiding seeing her and like there one time she has a same class as me, I used some random excuse to transfer out of that class. She not a yandere btw, we just happened to put in a same class together. She is a nice girl too, just that when I lost interest I feel extreme awkward and weird even by just being near her. Is this like even normal?

[Nightbat®]

Some people like the chase better than the catch

[Who]

Originally Posted by DevilHighDxD

Has anyone like really like some girl before and began to approach them with the goal making them your gf. But when you're coming very darn close to the goal, you suddenly lost all your interest/feeling for them?

It happened so many times on me that it isn't funny anymore, at first there a girl I really like and I'm seeing and talking with her almost every days until one I completely lost interest in her. From then on I'm actively avoiding seeing her and like there one time she has a same class as me, I used some random excuse to transfer out of that class. She not a yandere btw, we just happened to put in a same class together. She is a nice girl too, just that when I lost interest I feel extreme awkward and weird even by just being near her. Is this like even normal?

Yes, it happened to me recently. I really feel terrible; she's one of those girls who you'd love to bring home to your parents.

But realistically speaking, it's really not a good time for me, personally. She's a sophomore in college; I'm about to graduate in less than two months and start working full-time.
Not only that; she's from out of state, so that would complicate things even further. Also, I'm not the type who likes travelling about all the time, since I have a rather strict and controlled lifestyle. So basically, I'm just not what she's looking for, or deserves in the long run.
I don't know how she feels deep down, but I don't feel awkward in apologizing and continuing to maintain our friendship. She'll move on and find someone who's suited to her.