Dating

[Suomi]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

A few points to note.

A competition can actually make you seem you like the guy more than you do, just because someone else wants him. It's the "it's mine!" feeling that we all have adding to the force of feelings compelling you forward. Just something to be aware of.

A guy with two girls going after him, is probably going to lead you both on as long as he can. It's a fairly large ego boost for most guys, and also he might be thinking that he doesn't want to hurt either of you, and turning one of you down will do that.

On the other hand, pushing him into making a decision has a fairly high chance of making him evasive and pushing him away.

Conclusion: You're in for an ugly time. I don't foresee anything pretty coming out of this. If you win, your friend will hate you. If she wins, you'll hate her and him. Ironically, the best outcome is that he's a douche, strings you both along until you're tired of him, and renew your friendship while you drop him.

Do a lot of thinking, and be damn sure it is what you want. I'd also encourage you to keep an eye out for other possible guys. Don't tie yourself down. Let him know you are interested, but that you won't wait forever. If someone else comes along and he still hasn't made a decision, you'll end up dating other men.

Well, he's made it pretty clear that he doesn't like her in that way. And he's definitely, definitely not the type of guy to lead us both on as long as possible.
I'm not gonna push him into anything though.

Well, if I win and she hates me then she wasn't a good friend in the first place.
If she wins, I won't hate him and I won't hate her...I'll be mad for a while, yeah, but I'll get over it, and I'll definitely still be friends with him even if not her.

I've done plenty of thinking, and I'm damn sure it's what I want. And, well, it hasn't been that long so I'll see how it all plays out...but I'm pretty sure of the way it's going, and I also think she may see that as well and that may be part of the reason she's vying for him now...

[Asuras]

Maybe they can all be friends and realize that sharing in a human society is impossible more often than not? Let him decide. Soon enough one will seem more viable than the other, as someone has to "crack" at some point.

No offense to anyone.

[JC...]

Has anyone here ever been in love?

[Asuras]

Half of us probably thought we were, I'm guessing.

[Prodigy]

Originally Posted by Illusore

Well, he's made it pretty clear that he doesn't like her in that way. And he's definitely, definitely not the type of guy to lead us both on as long as possible.
I'm not gonna push him into anything though.

Well, if I win and she hates me then she wasn't a good friend in the first place.
If she wins, I won't hate him and I won't hate her...I'll be mad for a while, yeah, but I'll get over it, and I'll definitely still be friends with him even if not her.

I've done plenty of thinking, and I'm damn sure it's what I want. And, well, it hasn't been that long so I'll see how it all plays out...but I'm pretty sure of the way it's going, and I also think she may see that as well and that may be part of the reason she's vying for him now...

If you know the risks and still want to pursue him, then why not go for it. Just prepare yourself for the consequences.

It seems like your in one of those MTV reality shows with all this drama.

[Rag]

Originally Posted by JC...

Has anyone here ever been in love?

I had a crush on one girl, but it went as fast as it came.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Asuras

Maybe they can all be friends and realize that sharing in a human society is impossible more often than not? Let him decide. Soon enough one will seem more viable than the other, as someone has to "crack" at some point.

No offense to anyone.

You have a good point. A nice, idealistic, naive point.

Just kidding, mostly. I admit I'm more cynical and jaded than most, so while yours is technically possible, I guess I just don't hold enough faith in humans for that, heh.

Originally Posted by JC...

Has anyone here ever been in love?

Yep. And it's an interesting feeling when it happens, because it puts earlier crushes in perspective, and makes you really understand later if you are truly in love or not.

[Asuras]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

You have a good point. A nice, idealistic, naive point.

Just kidding, mostly. I admit I'm more cynical and jaded than most, so while yours is technically possible, I guess I just don't hold enough faith in humans for that, heh.

I'll admit it's naive. Sure.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Yep. And it's an interesting feeling when it happens, because it puts earlier crushes in perspective, and makes you really understand later if you are truly in love or not.

Already I can tell I'm not in love in my relationship. How do I end it?

[Kafriel]

Already I can tell I'm not in love in my relationship. How do I end it?

Good news everyone! We're breaking up...or not :P
Well if you're serious about it, you can say that you're looking for love and you just don't feel it with her...a more subtle way of doing things would be to end it over time. Relationships are things that go away if you forget about them, so the less time you spend on one, the more it fades.
You don't have to end one just because you're not in love though, having anyone by your side is better than being alone.

[Asuras]

But when that person by your side isn't exactly what you'd call entertaining or even really comforting...

[Ricky Controversy]

If you genuinely want to end your relationship, then it's as simple as telling her that you're not feeling what you want to feel in your relationship with her. If you want to be in love, there's not really any two ways about it.

You don't have to end one just because you're not in love though, having anyone by your side is better than being alone.

Not really. It depends on what you want. If 'companionship' alone is satisfactory, sure, but A) this may be unfair if the other party desires more, and B) it causes problems if you're in a relationship that doesn't satisfy your particular desires, because your behavior will inevitably show that.

However, all this is assuming that you're actually putting your best foot forward in the relationship to begin with. Love is not something that just passively happens over time, neither is basic attraction. Either will, if neglected or pushed away, eventually dissolve. So ask yourself: have I done the best I can? If the answer is yes and you are still dissatisfied by the relationship in spite of that, it's time to let go for both your sakes.

[Asuras]

Done the best I can? I'm saying it again in a more detailed manner, but she isn't particularly funny, bright, caring... Her methods of speaking are starting to really irk me. It has nothing to do with acting in my prime.
Granted, this is my first real relationship, and I have no experience, but I can tell when things aren't connecting. It really started with her liking me, so I decided to try. Who knows? Maybe it will turn around, I'm not sure. In fact, I have no assurance whatsoever, being new. All I can say now is that it's not what I'd call true affection. On either side.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Asuras

Done the best I can? I'm saying it again in a more detailed manner, but she isn't particularly funny, bright, caring... Her methods of speaking are starting to really irk me. It has nothing to do with acting in my prime.

Fair enough, as long as you're clear about that.

Granted, this is my first real relationship, and I have no experience, but I can tell when things aren't connecting. It really started with her liking me, so I decided to try. Who knows? Maybe it will turn around, I'm not sure. In fact, I have no assurance whatsoever, being new. All I can say now is that it's not what I'd call true affection. On either side.

Then if it's not something you want a part of, don't keep hanging around and waste your time as well as hers. In a relationship where you genuinely care, the reason difficulties trouble the involved parties is because they want to make it work well, not because they don't want to be around that person.

[Asuras]

I don't think she shares the same inclination towards splitting, and quite frankly, being a high school girl in her fantasies of love, doesn't understand the situation. Me and my highly sympathetic qualities couldn't bear the thought of ending something so abruptly in which the other party would be hurt. That's my problem. A lack of balls, you could say.

[Suomi]

Originally Posted by Prodigy

If you know the risks and still want to pursue him, then why not go for it. Just prepare yourself for the consequences.

It seems like your in one of those MTV reality shows with all this drama.

I do...

and yes it does Sometimes my life can be like a rather screwed up chick flick...XD

Originally Posted by JC...

Has anyone here ever been in love?

yeah...it's fucked me over, too

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Asuras

I don't think she shares the same inclination towards splitting, and quite frankly, being a high school girl in her fantasies of love, doesn't understand the situation. Me and my highly sympathetic qualities couldn't bear the thought of ending something so abruptly in which the other party would be hurt. That's my problem. A lack of balls, you could say.

Is it really that sympathetic to keep her in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be with her when she could be free to search for and find someone who does?

[Asuras]

Do you realize how a typical high school girls mind can work? A three week relationship ending can result in a night of crying in your room for christ's sake. You think she'll realize what you stated when I break it to her? I highly doubt it. I predict it'll turn to tears or silence.
I understand you point, but unfortunately, not everyone does.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Asuras

Do you realize how a typical high school girls mind works? A three week relationship can result in a night of crying in your room for christ's sake. You think she'll realize what you stated when I break it to her? I highly doubt it. I predict it'll turn to tears or silence.
I understand you point, but unfortunately, not everyone does.

Of course I know. It's not like I haven't dated a high-school age girl before, especially when I was, you know, in high school. But you're also missing a crucial point. You can either go through with it now and have her be upset for a while before getting over it...

Or you can wait it out, in which case she'll get upset anyway, then bored or angry, and then feel like she wasted time, or that you wasted her time.

Take your pick.

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by JC...

Has anyone here ever been in love?

Thought I was. Asuras put it best:

Originally Posted by Asuras

Half of us probably thought we were, I'm guessing.

The first time is always a litmus test. You always think "this is it!" and usually you realize in the end it wasn't what you thought it was.

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Yep. And it's an interesting feeling when it happens, because it puts earlier crushes in perspective, and makes you really understand later if you are truly in love or not.

In agreement with this. I'm actually talking to someone now and it makes me realize why I ever thought I was in love with the previous girl I was talking to.

[Simon]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Or you can wait it out, in which case she'll get upset anyway, then bored or angry, and then feel like she wasted time, or that you wasted her time.

This. There may be no way to break things off without hurting her feelings, but you can still do your best to treat her decently on the way down - for your own peace of mind afterward, if nothing else.