To Aru ... Fanfiction Discussion Thread

[SmokinFerret88]

Okay, so, I'm working on the banter which happens between Chouka and Frenda in the upcoming chapter. I think I have something for it, but I'd like to hear some thoughts with what I currently have. It's not the entire scene, but I'll just say that the two had a little kicking match before hand and leave it at that.

Spoiler for Chouka / Frenda Banter:

“Not bad blondie.” Despite the slight wheeze in her tone, Chouka’s statement was devoid of pain that would normally be present in a person who had sustained the amount of injuries she had within the past couple minutes. “I didn't think those chicken-legs of yours would have much of a kick to them.”

“Basically, I’m not surprised that someone with thunder-thighs can hit so hard, given the extra fat they have packed inside them.” In spite of the jab she had directed back towards the red-head, a vein could be seen protruding from her forehead as she made the retort.

“It’s not fat, it’s muscle! More than those boney twigs you call legs could ever hope to have!”

“At least I my thighs don’t jiggle when I walk! Basically, you should feel ashamed of ruining the most fulsome feature of all women everywhere with those grotesque bags of flesh!”

[R.LocK]

Frenda's lines are too- complicated. A half of her lines can be cut off- oh well.

And, Frenda's verbal tic isn't "Basically" anymore. It's "in the end".

[SmokinFerret88]

I was actually thinking that they were too long myself. Thanks for confirming my suspicions.

As for the verbal tic, I'm gonna keep it as 'Basically' since that's the line used in the LN. I may mix it up from time to time, but I have a preference to the former rather than the latter.

[Ilidsor]

I have now written Touma's Busy Day Chapter 2. I hope you all enjoy it.

I wonder how long I can keep this pace up. The story has such a fast pace that I haven't really hit any writers block at all, even if only for a few seconds.

Originally Posted by SmokinFerret88

Okay, so, I'm working on the banter which happens between Chouka and Frenda in the upcoming chapter. I think I have something for it, but I'd like to hear some thoughts with what I currently have. It's not the entire scene, but I'll just say that the two had a little kicking match before hand and leave it at that.

Spoiler for Chouka / Frenda Banter:

“Not bad blondie.” Despite the slight wheeze in her tone, Chouka’s statement was devoid of pain that would normally be present in a person who had sustained the amount of injuries she had within the past couple minutes. “I didn't think those chicken-legs of yours would have much of a kick to them.”

“Basically, I’m not surprised that someone with thunder-thighs can hit so hard, given the extra fat they have packed inside them.” In spite of the jab she had directed back towards the red-head, a vein could be seen protruding from her forehead as she made the retort.

“It’s not fat, it’s muscle! More than those boney twigs you call legs could ever hope to have!”

“At least I my thighs don’t jiggle when I walk! Basically, you should feel ashamed of ruining the most fulsome feature of all women everywhere with those grotesque bags of flesh!”

Any jokes involving Frenda talking about her legs is automatically hilarious

[SmokinFerret88]

I have now written Touma's Busy Day Chapter 2. I hope you all enjoy it.

Wooooot!

Gonna read now!

Any jokes involving Frenda talking about her legs is automatically hilarious

Heh, I'm glad you'll enjoy that section. Though I changed it a bit thanks to R.Lock's input, but it's still relatively the same. You'll still enjoy it, I'm sure.

[SmokinFerret88]

HOLY CRAP I'VE REACHED THE 4000 WORD MARK!

It's only been a few days, and this chapters already half-way done. Frenda vs. Chouka is done, Mugino vs. Kurou is done. Now all that's left is the introduction to Sakurai vs. Kinuhata and this chapter is all but done...assuming of course I decide to bring in our favorite unfortunate hero into the scene after two chapters of absence.

Anyway, I have a question for all who care to provide an opinion. Should I save Mugino and Kurou's fight for last or keep it as the first fight? I'm having trouble deciding how I wanna go about the order these fight-scenes are to take place.

[Narrator 1]

Originally Posted by SmokinFerret88

HOLY CRAP I'VE REACHED THE 4000 WORD MARK!

It's only been a few days, and this chapters already half-way done. Frenda vs. Chouka is done, Mugino vs. Kurou is done. Now all that's left is the introduction to Sakurai vs. Kinuhata and this chapter is all but done...assuming of course I decide to bring in our favorite unfortunate hero into the scene after two chapters of absence.

Anyway, I have a question for all who care to provide an opinion. Should I save Mugino and Kurou's fight for last or keep it as the first fight? I'm having trouble deciding how I wanna go about the order these fight-scenes are to take place.

If you want my humble opinion, I'd say Mugino last, since she's ITEM's boss and the fight with the highest stakes, comparatively speaking.

[SmokinFerret88]

An honest and humble opinion is always good; so I'll take it. Thanks Narrator.

On another note, do you think I should bring that certain high-school student into the fray or just have him randomly pop up in the following chapter?

[Rovert10]

Might as well add more variables to the mix.

[SmokinFerret88]

Touche, good sir, touche.

[Narrator 1]

As for me, I popped up to let people know that I finally managed to get my hands on a tablet and Bluetooth keyboard. That means I can work on my stuff during business trips and productivity on my end should increase. With luck and a good wind at my back, the six-month wait between chapter updates should be a thing of the past.

Edit: (I also got a commission fulfilled, thanks to Julie "Chanoa" Hasegawa of DeviantArt, and am using it as a banner for my sig. Hopefully, I'm not breaking any rules. I did check...)

[SmokinFerret88]

What fic are you working on, if I may ask?

[Narrator 1]

If you're asking me, two of them actually.

One's a redo of a one-shot that I released a decade ago. It was a Street Fighter/Love Hina comedy crossover called "Love Hibiki" that involved Dan from Street Fighter taking the place of Keitaro as Hinata-sou's manager. But that's irrelevant to this forum.

The other is an Index/Madoka crossover as advertised in my new banner, "To Aru Mahou Shoujotachi no Monogatari". Index/Madoka crossovers are actually fairly popular among Japanese fic writers and artists, but this one goes a different path and places magical girls (right now, just Madoka, Homura, and an OC) into Raildex-verse as opposed to vice-versa.

I'm pleasantly surprised at the feedback I'm getting for this one, positive and negative. It encourages me to keep going.

[SmokinFerret88]

I feel the same way really. My current arc. in A Certain World of Darkness has been getting a lot of mixed responses lately. It's justified though since it's the first time I've ever done an arc. in anything without having a foundation to work on.

It's all a giant learning experience in my eyes; and I've learned a lot if I do say so myself. It's still a bitch and a half to properly plan out everything, not to mention I'm admittedly a wordy writer, but we all manage somehow I suppose.

I'll have to check out the Index/Madoka crossover sometime soon once I finish things up on my own story. Mind providing me the title for it?

[Narrator 1]

The image with Index and Madoka is a link that takes you straight there, should you be interested. Again, the title is "To Aru Mahou Shoujotachi no Monogatari".

As an aside, I just bought this Droid tablet a few days ago, and already I'm wondering how I ever got by without it.

[SmokinFerret88]

Thanks, I'll check it out once I have everything squired away on my end.

Lol, yeah, everyone tends to think that way when something knew and convenient comes along. Sad as it is for me to admit, I didn't have a cell phone for the longest time, but when I finally got one I asked myself the same question.

[dniv]

Originally Posted by Ilidsor

I have now written Touma's Busy Day Chapter 2. I hope you all enjoy it.

I wonder how long I can keep this pace up. The story has such a fast pace that I haven't really hit any writers block at all, even if only for a few seconds.



Any jokes involving Frenda talking about her legs is automatically hilarious

Nice chapter! I liked it a lot.

You are good at this

[SmokinFerret88]

6000 word mark! I'm on a roll here!

On an unrelated note, I started thinking about an ability someone on magic-side could use. I thought about it before, but put it aside for a later date. Now that I'm far ahead of my schedule, I reopened the idea and want to run it by you guys to see what you think.

Basically, the idea I have is based on something called threefold truth. Threefold truth implies that all things are void, all things are temporary, and all things are in a middle state between the two. My interpretation of this, if used as a spell, can pretty much render something 'void' and erase that voided area out of existence. I figured that since magic mainly follows certain guidelines and conditions, the process of this particular spell would be for the mage to dictate whatever he's applied this spell to is in a state of 'temporary' existence and the state of 'void' existence.

I know that limitations for this are a definite necessity; all I'm looking for at the moment is people's opinions on if this would be feasible enough to utilize for a powerful mage of some sort or if it would be just too damn overpowered an ability; regardless of whatever limitations that are thought up.

[Ilidsor]

^ I like it. It's definitely too much for an esper power but no ones ever accused the magaicians in this series of being balanced.

[Doc Astaroth]

Originally Posted by SmokinFerret88

6000 word mark! I'm on a roll here!

On an unrelated note, I started thinking about an ability someone on magic-side could use. I thought about it before, but put it aside for a later date. Now that I'm far ahead of my schedule, I reopened the idea and want to run it by you guys to see what you think.

Basically, the idea I have is based on something called threefold truth. Threefold truth implies that all things are void, all things are temporary, and all things are in a middle state between the two. My interpretation of this, if used as a spell, can pretty much render something 'void' and erase that voided area out of existence. I figured that since magic mainly follows certain guidelines and conditions, the process of this particular spell would be for the mage to dictate whatever he's applied this spell to is in a state of 'temporary' existence and the state of 'void' existence.

I know that limitations for this are a definite necessity; all I'm looking for at the moment is people's opinions on if this would be feasible enough to utilize for a powerful mage of some sort or if it would be just too damn overpowered an ability; regardless of whatever limitations that are thought up.

It depends what exactly you can turn to void. Look at Misogi Kumagawa from Medaka Box. He has a very similar ability that even extends to qualities like "being dead".

Other examples are the stands Cream, The Hand or Golden Experience Requiem from Jojo Bizarre Adventure, I think. Especially The Hand should cover the range of ability you want. Its ability allows the user to erase the space between things, reducing the distance to his opponent or shortening things.