Can a Man and a Women be just friends?

[HayashiTakara]

I've seen this discussion many times over for years now, and recently I've gotten into a debate with someone, who insist that a man and a women cannot stay just friends, that it'll always lead into something further. I disagree with him whole heartedly as it felt like it was an insult on my own personal experience, that I'm with my female friends just to get in their panties in the future.

Anyway, I wanted to see what the people of these boards think, can a man and a woman be just friends?

[-KarumA-]

as for a woman's point of view in most cases yes, for men.. well from my own experience.. not always

im not drawing conclusions cause i havent seen many other cases, but it is in my eyes most of the times the man that wants to continiue and make it somehting more than friendship, women mostly think itll work out and in the end get annoyed with the guy cause they now stick up with him more than they did before =x

[qtipbrit]

No wayy, real men just want secks, right?

But yes, even in high school, when we (I am a dude.) run on about 90% testosterone, we can have girl friends who aren't girlfriends.

[WanderingKnight]

Umm... yeah?

I mean, I attend a 90% women university, and it's not like I'm having sex all the time, as much as I would wish that could happen.

[HayashiTakara]

Originally Posted by qtipbrit92

No wayy, real men just want secks, right?

But yes, even in high school, when we (I am a dude.) run on about 90% testosterone, we can have girl friends who aren't girlfriends.

Glad to see that even someone as young as you can see this. XD

[KholdStare]

I'm a guy, and I've had girl friends (with the space) in high school before. Here's how I look at it. If I'm deeply attracted to girl A, then most likely I will not be attracted to girls B-F since my name is not Makoto Itou. It happens that I was friends with more than one girl after all, and I'm very good friends with several other girls besides girl A, which must mean we were just friends, right?

This is my theory. If a man and a woman, both in a relationship with someone else, are friends, then mostly likely they will stay friends. If both are single, then we have a problem. I find it very rare for two people, single, and of the opposite sex, to be nothing more than "just friends." In short, different situations will affect different things, but I find it hard to believe that one cannot think of a friendly relationship that they know between two people of the opposite sex.

[HayashiTakara]

The person who I was debating against, whole heartedly believes that men and women can never stay friends, that it'll always lead to an alterior motive. There are always exceptions, but to claim that it'll end up becoming romantic 100% of the time, is down right misinformed. IMO

[KholdStare]

Well you could take that to any argument. Let's think about something stupid, like, "I claim that no one in the world eats metal everyday." As much as I would like to think this is true, how can I verify that fact? Unless he has knowledge of all relationships in the world, he can't make that claim.

[Ichihara Asako]

It's certainly possible. I have many male friends who are just friends, and have been so for years. Never been any sort of romantic interest and never will be, we're just... friends.

I dislike these sorts of arguments, as the people saying it's impossible tend to be the ones who have issues about it, wanting more from such relationships. Generally best to smack them upside the head and not get in to the debate. ^^

[[DOT].L]

Studies have suggested that familiarity tends to breed attraction, meaning the more time one spends with someone of the opposite sex the more likely one will develop some sort of deeper attachment, possibly romantic, toward that specific individual.

I remember a similar discussion took place during one of my psychology lectures. The general consensus seems to be that children are more capable of maintaining pure friendships while adults appear to have a harder time with it. It's a pretty complicated question to tackle since one must consider both the biological and social psychological factors dictating our lives in our specific cultural environment.

[escimo]

The ladder theory resurfaces once again.
I'm sitting this one out.

[qtipbrit]

Originally Posted by HayashiTakara

The person who I was debating against, whole heartedly believes that men and women can never stay friends, that it'll always lead to an alterior motive. There are always exceptions, but to claim that it'll end up becoming romantic 100% of the time, is down right misinformed. IMO

Your friend is probably a sexual predator who hunts high school girls at night.
Ah, I'm kidding.

If your friend is male, he's probably the kind of person who has felt that way about his female friends, and if your friend is female, she probably feels that way because of similar past experiences with men and dislikes men to some extent.
Have your friend read this and see if s/he gets pissed.

Originally Posted by KholdStare

Well you could take that to any argument. Let's think about something stupid, like, "I claim that no one in the world eats metal everyday." As much as I would like to think this is true, how can I verify that fact? Unless he has knowledge of all relationships in the world, he can't make that claim.

I actually saw a guy on the news a couple of years back who did eat metal everyday.

Even though we all know that we're anti-social nerds with no friends, no life, and are all NEETs addicted to anime, the majority of us have girl friends or boy friends (note the spaces and pluralisation), and I'm assuming that not all of us have dated said boy friends and girl friends. (Personally, I have never dated any of my boy friends.)

[HayashiTakara]

Yeah, he said I was wrong, and I'm like WTF? my own life experiences are wrong? And he's right, cause he did research.. I'm like "....... you can't be serious?" I have 4 female friends who I consider to be my bestfriends for the last 15 ~ 20 years, they have a strong understanding of me and vice versa. And making a statement like that, feels like he's trying to cheapen the relationship I have... thats just down right insulting. Yes, people can develop romantic interest, but its not always the case, why is that so hard to believe?

@DOT, totally agree, theres too many factors in play to have such a strong stance on something as variable as this. Everyone is different in culture, environment, upbringing, friends, etc.

[Onizuka-GTO]

The answer is yes.

If not, then we would never get any work done.

But i also agree with the "familiarity breed attraction", it has a degree of truth. However it depends how "friendly" you are.

If you can keep your friendship at a relatively good distance then it'll work, but the minute on of you start to move closer, i.e. progressing form a "friend" to a "good friend" to "best friend" with in the acceptable definition of the social position, then it's more or less going to keep on rolling.

That's why "childhood friends" just seem to keep on rolling if you still keep the same type of contact, they are already too close...

[-KarumA-]

Originally Posted by HayashiTakara

The person who I was debating against, whole heartedly believes that men and women can never stay friends, that it'll always lead to an alterior motive. There are always exceptions, but to claim that it'll end up becoming romantic 100% of the time, is down right misinformed. IMO

well yes ofcourse you'll have friends of the opposite sex and it isnt as if when opposed to the idea that you'll end up having sex with ALL friends you make from the opposite sex, that is just silly and no one does such a thing cause its vulgar
but in some cases, if youre an atractive woman for instance that you will have a lot of, i wanna be your friend and in the future you BF kind of types, that doesnt mean that the guy then sleeps with all other girls in the same room
really some people exagerate this point with tons

[HayashiTakara]

Too close? I dunno about that. My fiance is a childhood friend, her and the 4 other girls were all friends of mine, we all grew up in the same apartment building back in the bronx. She's apparently has had a crush on me for a really long time, but wasn't till about 7 years ago?, that she confessed to it. Even still the 6 of us haven't changed from when we were young. According to them, the time frame in which she started liking me was before we ended up as best friends, so, its a little iffy, but what about the other girls? I'm certain that I don't feel for them in that fashion, but I can't imagine what it'll be like without them in my life, its been too long. And I'm sure that they feel the same.

So in a fashion I've experienced both sides of the spectrum, where a friend became a lover, and friends who became best friends and maintain that platonic relationship.

[Rookie103]

Yes. Of course, most guys would endure this Let's just be friends to get to the secks. But I do know a few guys who hang around with girls who're their friends, but not their girlfriends.

[Cheezy]

That was just.. dumb

Maybe your friend is jealous of you because you have female friends.

[HayashiTakara]

Not a friend, just an acquitance.

[Lanner Falcon]

Why would you say otherwise? I've had several long term friendships (still continuing) with women, that are completely platonic. To turn it romantic… would be like kissing my own sister.