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Old 2009-10-19, 18:12   Link #1981
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
My best friend is teaching me how to knit and she insists that guys love hand knitted stuff, like a scarf for example? Of course she watches a lot of anime (probably more than I do ) So... err... Is this true? Is a hand knit... scarf... a nice gift when in a relationship? Of course, in the case of living somewhere where winter exists.
I never actually did that for my ex-boyfriend when we were dating, but my mom still does it from time to time for my dad when she has time to spare, and he always loves it. ^^ I think they enjoy knowing that you put so much care and effort into creating something like that for them. It makes them feel loved and special.
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Old 2009-10-19, 20:18   Link #1982
UltimaWolf
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
My best friend is teaching me how to knit and she insists that guys love hand knitted stuff, like a scarf for example? Of course she watches a lot of anime (probably more than I do ) So... err... Is this true? Is a hand knit... scarf... a nice gift when in a relationship? Of course, in the case of living somewhere where winter exists.
I don't know about most other guys, but me personally, I would love somthing like that. Though I am a pretty sentimental guy. But like RadiantBeam said, it would show she really cares and make me feel special.


So...I think I lost my girlfriend or atleast for awhile.
Somthing happened a few months ago that really, really upset her, and broke her trust towards me for awhile. I thought she kinda got over it, since we have been still together since then, and happy for the most part. But today she said she needed to tell me somthing after her class, and she told me that it still upsets her, that she can't stop thinking about it, and when she does think about it, she feels like she pushes me further and further away from her, and she doesn't want that cause she does want to be with me. She thinks the problem is, is that she forgave me too soon before she was ready too(The next night). So she said she doesn't think she can be with me till she gets over this and it stops hurting her so much...

Not really sure what I'm asking. I guess I'm wondering if I should try not to talk to her as much until she gets over it? I'm pretty mopy and sad, so I don't want to upset her any more than I have too by talking to her when she's trying to get over this...I just don't know what to do. She's been the one texting me, asking if I'm ok, which I'm not but still...I just don't know what to do or think.
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Old 2009-10-19, 20:39   Link #1983
Dextro
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
Since at least one guy has mentioned that he doesn't see many dating questions from females, I am bringing one, even though I have to admit I feel a bit silly asking it. And I'm not even sure if it's a proper dating question, but here goes.

My best friend is teaching me how to knit and she insists that guys love hand knitted stuff, like a scarf for example? Of course she watches a lot of anime (probably more than I do ) So... err... Is this true? Is a hand knit... scarf... a nice gift when in a relationship? Of course, in the case of living somewhere where winter exists.
Well, I'm a guy and wouldn't bee too thrilled to receive that sort of stuff but that's just me. I mean I wouldn't not like it, I would probably even enjoy the gesture, but the gift itself would probably end up lost at the bottom of the closet and I would probably end up hurting the girl who gave it to me because I wouldn't be thrilled about receiving it. (As you can guess it I've been there :P )

So I think the answer would have to be no, guys don't generally fancy receiving such gifts but that's just my opinion so wait for some other responses to get the complete answer.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimaWolf View Post
So...I think I lost my girlfriend or atleast for awhile.
Somthing happened a few months ago that really, really upset her, and broke her trust towards me for awhile. I thought she kinda got over it, since we have been still together since then, and happy for the most part. But today she said she needed to tell me somthing after her class, and she told me that it still upsets her, that she can't stop thinking about it, and when she does think about it, she feels like she pushes me further and further away from her, and she doesn't want that cause she does want to be with me. She thinks the problem is, is that she forgave me too soon before she was ready too(The next night). So she said she doesn't think she can be with me till she gets over this and it stops hurting her so much...

Not really sure what I'm asking. I guess I'm wondering if I should try not to talk to her as much until she gets over it? I'm pretty mopy and sad, so I don't want to upset her any more than I have too by talking to her when she's trying to get over this...I just don't know what to do. She's been the one texting me, asking if I'm ok, which I'm not but still...I just don't know what to do or think.
I can't really help you there cause I've been there at least twice now and I never did handle those situations correctly and I believe both ended up costing me the relationship eventually (but maybe that was me overthinking things). I just wanted to add that here cause I've been learning a lot in the thread and I feel like I can relate to your situation.
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Old 2009-10-19, 20:41   Link #1984
UltimaWolf
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Originally Posted by Dextro View Post
I can't really help you there cause I've been there at least twice now and I never did handle those situations correctly and I believe both ended up costing me the relationship eventually (but maybe that was me overthinking things). I just wanted to add that here cause I've been learning a lot in the thread and I feel like I can relate to your situation.
What did you do that you think made it worse? Thats what I'm trying to avoid
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Old 2009-10-19, 20:44   Link #1985
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UltimaWolf View Post
Not really sure what I'm asking. I guess I'm wondering if I should try not to talk to her as much until she gets over it? I'm pretty mopy and sad, so I don't want to upset her any more than I have too by talking to her when she's trying to get over this...I just don't know what to do. She's been the one texting me, asking if I'm ok, which I'm not but still...I just don't know what to do or think.
I think right now the best thing you can do is give her space. ^^;; For all intents and purposes she still seems to care about you, even if she hasn't completely forgiven you for what you did wrong, and she just wants to sort herself out. Just be patient and give her some time.
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Old 2009-10-19, 20:45   Link #1986
Splitpersonality
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Quote:
My best friend is teaching me how to knit and she insists that guys love hand knitted stuff, like a scarf for example? Of course she watches a lot of anime (probably more than I do ) So... err... Is this true? Is a hand knit... scarf... a nice gift when in a relationship? Of course, in the case of living somewhere where winter exists.
I would love a hand-knit scarf, I find knitting to be fun, I wish I could do it though :/

A nice hand-knit hat would be great too, I love winter hats


So apparently now a third girl likes me, or so I'm told by close sources, but I don't really like her, at all.

Besides being a machine of a dancer in my dance company, that's all that's up in my life :P
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Old 2009-10-19, 20:55   Link #1987
killer911
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Alright, today I invited a girl to come with me to an amusement park. Would this count as a date? I dont want it to seem like a date, I just wanna be friends.
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Old 2009-10-19, 21:25   Link #1988
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Consequently, the general society are spoiling them. Due to the fact that all guys here have to go through National Service, the "get that job done and over with" mentality is locked into their heads, thus their general ignorance towards what is taken from them. Coupled with the sheltered life these girls have, it eventually leads to a "take more than give" subconscious that when provoked, could lead to serious consequences. So while a "f*** you" could generate a "my mouth or my back?" from a male, the word "b*t**" said to a female can lead to altercations lasting months.

Ultimately, the fast paced and high stress education system removed an important element in the females, character. Many I have seen are just mild salt, sugar, pepper or flour, the taste isn't even there. The guys are not that bad, their real characters flourish in National Service (I know of a quiet Nagato-type otaku becoming an officer cadet), but the females just live as they are for quite a long time. Character building and accepting other characters is very important in relationships, any side lacking in it could put slack in the ties that bind
I can't comment on Singaporean girls, as I've never been to Singapore nor have I met a Singaporean girl (that I know of). I will caution you about what you just wrote, however. It came off as elitist. People tend to exalt themselves over others whom they feel have not undergone the same trying circumstances that they have. For certain national service is an experience, but it almost sounds like you're looking down on those who don't have to go through it.

Furthermore, this and the other post you've written makes you sound like a misogynist (woman hater). You've been rejected ten times and so you gave up; you find the girls so annoying; you're generalizing about all Singaporean girls. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong about the Singaporean girls because I have zero experience with them - you could very well be right. But as small as Singapore is, that's a lot of girls to be generalizing over.

This is not an attempt to scold you or pass judgment. Rather, this is feedback for you. I don't imagine that you want to hold contempt for womankind or become a military snob, yet perhaps without realizing it, that's where you might be headed. (Or perhaps not; two posts alone don't reveal your subconscious.)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor View Post
Question?

It seems more guys ask advice on girls then girls ask on guys.

Why is that so? I would expect it to be equal.
Shiemi largely answered it, but I'd wager that there's another aspect to it - male expectations. I'm generalizing here (and of course, not everyone matches with generalizations) but girls will generally talk about "the things that matter" when it comes to relationships. Guys shy away from that - if anything, the conversations I've heard have more to do with how to get a girl to sleep with you, getting to a ladyfriend's hot friend... superficial tactics that generally make guys seem like pigs.

Or, suppose you have a group of friends who aren't all about sleeping a girl. If your friends were like mine, nobody had prior dating experience, despite being nice guys. That aside, I just can't imagine going over dating tactics with them without taking a ton of jokes made at my expense in the process (or feeling like I was exposing more of my personal life than I'd care to). The internet offers anonymity and it offers you a big mix of people, so it's a safe place to ask around.

I wouldn't be surprised to find forums that are frequented by females asking for such advice, though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
My best friend is teaching me how to knit and she insists that guys love hand knitted stuff, like a scarf for example? Of course she watches a lot of anime (probably more than I do ) So... err... Is this true? Is a hand knit... scarf... a nice gift when in a relationship? Of course, in the case of living somewhere where winter exists.
I think what the object is matters less, the point of such a gift is that it's hand-made, a lot of time and effort went into it. We're also living in a time where items that aren't purchased and/or professionally done are becoming increasingly rare (at least, in this part of the world) - to receive something from someone, especially knowing that it took more than a few minutes of their time, is big.

Of course, not everyone will appreciate it. Some people don't really consider that a lot of time and effort went into crafting the item that they just received, and they just think more about whether it suits them and whether they can use it. It really depends on the individual, then... but everyone likes to receive gifts and little surprise showings of thoughtfulness and care.
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Old 2009-10-19, 21:28   Link #1989
Splitpersonality
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Quote:
Originally Posted by killer911 View Post
Alright, today I invited a girl to come with me to an amusement park. Would this count as a date? I dont want it to seem like a date, I just wanna be friends.
If you don't put forward the intentions of being someone who dates her, then it should be fine.

If she likes you, then I don't know how that'll work out
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Old 2009-10-19, 23:21   Link #1990
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About the knitting gift, Coming from without a doubt. The biggest scarf lover here. It isn't self proclaim, It's a fact! And if you gave me one, I'd probably rock the **** out of it.

I think it's pretty much worthless, It's the definition of the gesture mattering and not the object. What they want is you, the scarf would probably be lost or thrown away at some point. It's irrelevant
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Old 2009-10-19, 23:37   Link #1991
UltimaWolf
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I think right now the best thing you can do is give her space. ^^;; For all intents and purposes she still seems to care about you, even if she hasn't completely forgiven you for what you did wrong, and she just wants to sort herself out. Just be patient and give her some time.

Thank you. Yeah thats what I've been trying to do, hehe though she isn't helping me out too much with that. I just wonder how long this could take...I don't expect her to be done in like a few days...but I just don't know how long it will take.
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Old 2009-10-20, 01:14   Link #1992
K_Babyy
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Things have gotten a lot worse since my last post.
My boyfriend comes over pretty much every day for a few hours to see our little girl, he wants to stay all day whenever he's not working, but he has to cut the time back because my parents can't stand him. This is putting a lot of stress on our relationship. He wants to be with our baby and me all the time and my parents are doing whatever they can to make sure that doesn't happen.

I think it was Saturday, he had the day off and came over around 4 and stayed til 9. We have a big patio where we hold parties and family gatherings out back, it's got a tv, fire pit, etc. My mom and dad hung out there the entire time, my younger brother too, he's not really sure of what's going on. He actually likes Casey. But anyway, Casey, Kendal, and I had the house to our selves the whole time. We played with her, watched movies with her, fed her some baby food, gave her a bath, a bunch of stuff. He's so good with her and loves her, she loves him so much she always laughs and squeals when she sees him.

After he left, my parents came back in and I was sitting on the couch feeding Kendal. My mom walks by and shoots me a death glare, it was pretty ugly. I ask her what the hell her problem is and she says that she was in prison all day. I look over at my dad and ask him what's going on and he says that "It's time for me to move on." I got pissed, said that they have no idea how selfish they're being. I'm happy. I love him, he loves our daughter and me, he's done nothing to deserve the way that he's being treated besides getting me pregnant and that's half my fault anyway. He's had a rough past (I mentioned that he was abused by his biological parents and was adopted at 12 years old.) He's got some baggage, but he's strong because of all that he's been through. My parents think that he's gonna treat Kendal and I like he and his brother were treated and they've got it completely wrong. He is so determined to give her the life he never had and they're just so stubborn that they can't accept that he's a good person. He's seriously been through hell and back and it hasn't ruined him as a person. They just don't like the idea that he has no real family since he's not so close to his adopted family. When they picture someone for me, they want a guy who's got a huge family, he's in college, blah blah blah. They just don't understand.

He's had to do everything for himself and his brother since DAY ONE. No one, but me, is there to stand behind him and tell him that everything is gonna be okay. He and his brother were seperated when Casey was adopted, so he was alone until we met. We became friends when I was a sophomore and he was a junior, then started dating that summer. Everyone has left his side and given up on him. I swear that I will not be one of those people. I just see him like no one else does and I'm ridiculed because of that. I love him so much, I've never loved any other guy as much as I love him. We're best friends, I swear he's the guy version of me we have so much in common. The only reason that we fight is because of all the things my parents are putting us though. This is just so hard, I really need some encouragement. I know that I'm doing the right thing and even if some of you don't agree, I won't change my mind. I honestly believe that I am here on this earth to help and and love him, since no one else has.

I'm sorry this was so long, I've just had a lot on my mind and it felt so good to let it out.
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Old 2009-10-20, 03:01   Link #1993
Otaku Emperor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
I hate to be blunt, but I will...

In my experience, the reason females don't as for dating advice as much as males do is simple:

We don't have to.

We can go to a man in a club, bar, room, whatever, bat our eyelashes and take him home if we want. Not always, and that's a very broad generalization. I would never walk up to a stranger in a bar or whatever, but I know that I CAN if I ever choose to.

But if a male were to try to do the same thing, he's a pig, or whatever and will probably get slapped in the face.

I'm not saying it's right, but that's just how it is. Females get to pick and choose, males are busy trying to compete with one another to catch the eye of the females; it's animal nature, and humans are after all, animals.
Aw, I picked the losing team.

But then again, you guys still has to get pregnant ;p

Love is like George Bushes second election, no matter how well the other speaks, the votes are still rigged.

Which pretty much shows that humans are selfish creatures that only think about themselves (Most of them at least)

I still don't understand, what happens to the person who isn't so good looking, is it futile for him to find someone?

If it is, the human race is really sad, trully.
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Old 2009-10-20, 05:23   Link #1994
Shiemi
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Thanks to the people who replied. ^^ Gave me some things to think about. My bf seems like the sentimental type and actually, lately he has been mentioning how cheaper it is to make hand crafted stuff in some cases. He has even given me hand crafted cards before so perhaps in his case, he might like that kind of sappy stuff. Will think about that.

UltimaWolf, your situation gave me a sensation of deja vu from my brother telling me the same exact thing from his gf last year. He was going insane and wanted to call or text her, but I kept telling him not to do it. Somehow, he managed to stop himself and before the week was over, it was his gf who had been texting and calling and then got back together with him.

I cannot really say that the same will happen to you as girls have lots of different personalities, but like RadiantBeam said, giving her space is the best option, which is what my brother did, regardless of how it will end. And btw, my brother's gf has kept doing this from time to time and last time they were not together for more than a month. ^^;;; Now they are engaged again so in that sense, I don't get them.

K Babyy, your situation is really tough, but right now my head is messy and can't answer. If I feel I can add to anything others possibly answer you, I might PM you later on.
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Old 2009-10-20, 06:28   Link #1995
cheyannew
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rethought that...
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Last edited by cheyannew; 2009-10-20 at 06:28. Reason: actually, shiemi's onto something... I'll PM
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Old 2009-10-20, 08:56   Link #1996
SaintessHeart
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I can't comment on Singaporean girls, as I've never been to Singapore nor have I met a Singaporean girl (that I know of). I will caution you about what you just wrote, however. It came off as elitist. People tend to exalt themselves over others whom they feel have not undergone the same trying circumstances that they have. For certain national service is an experience, but it almost sounds like you're looking down on those who don't have to go through it.

Furthermore, this and the other post you've written makes you sound like a misogynist (woman hater). You've been rejected ten times and so you gave up; you find the girls so annoying; you're generalizing about all Singaporean girls. I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong about the Singaporean girls because I have zero experience with them - you could very well be right. But as small as Singapore is, that's a lot of girls to be generalizing over.

This is not an attempt to scold you or pass judgment. Rather, this is feedback for you. I don't imagine that you want to hold contempt for womankind or become a military snob, yet perhaps without realizing it, that's where you might be headed. (Or perhaps not; two posts alone don't reveal your subconscious.)
If I am a misogynist, I wouldn't read yuri manga or still hang out with the opposite gender. I just think that why are my cousins over at another side of the world behave so differently when I bring them out when they come over, as compared to the females I hang out with often.

I do know that I am generalising regarding the military and all that, but apparently things are a little too obvious to avoid looking from a holistic POV. I never denied that there are no local females out there with rock solid characters, but statistically speaking, with such a small population, there is not much diversity, just the plain formula which is the majority because of the way the society molds them and what the education system teaches them, they are like almost....generic (pardon my vocabulary, it is very limited).

Each an every person is made by the experiences he/she goes through. Newton's Laws of Motion adequately applies to how a person lives his or her life, and probably held true for every one of us. I could say my countrymen and I are both blessed and cursed, we live very sheltered lives, perhaps too sheltered that we never realised how big the world is and how fast it is changing.

If I am wrong about all these, I will still be right on one thing : The female gender is still one of the world's biggest mysteries.
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Old 2009-10-20, 14:32   Link #1997
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I think what the object is matters less, the point of such a gift is that it's hand-made, a lot of time and effort went into it. We're also living in a time where items that aren't purchased and/or professionally done are becoming increasingly rare (at least, in this part of the world) - to receive something from someone, especially knowing that it took more than a few minutes of their time, is big.

Of course, not everyone will appreciate it. Some people don't really consider that a lot of time and effort went into crafting the item that they just received, and they just think more about whether it suits them and whether they can use it. It really depends on the individual, then... but everyone likes to receive gifts and little surprise showings of thoughtfulness and care.
+1

( )

I don't know about you people, but I still continue to sometimes do hand-made gifts to the persons I cherish. Of course, as Ledgem said, not everyone would appreciate it, but what's important are the feelings put in it, right? At least I believe in that...

Whatever how much money it worths, 0 or $10000, what's important, I think, should be the value that you personally attribute to something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor View Post
I still don't understand, what happens to the person who isn't so good looking, is it futile for him to find someone?

If it is, the human race is really sad, trully.
You should read what people wrote in the previous posts about it

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
If I am wrong about all these, I will still be right on one thing : The female gender is still one of the world's biggest mysteries.
Each person is a kind of mystery
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Old 2009-10-20, 17:03   Link #1998
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
If I am a misogynist, I wouldn't read yuri manga or still hang out with the opposite gender.
This is not a convincing argument. Some racists (termed "aversive racists") still associate and are friendly with the ethnicity that they are against, to the point that they don't even recognize that some of the things that they do are exceedingly racist. Such people would deny being racist and honestly believe it, because it never occurred to them.

Again, it isn't an accusation. You'd only written two posts, but what you wrote set off some alarms in my mind. Feedback.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Each an every person is made by the experiences he/she goes through.
This is true. Yet even without fully getting to know many of these people and the experiences that they've gone through in their lives, you are assuming that they are all shallow and overly sheltered. Whether Singapore is an overly sheltered place or not, and whether the education system and culture produces "generic girls," no two people have the same experiences. So to make these generalizations about Singapoean women is something that I find to be unfairly judgmental.

Quote:
Originally Posted by K_Babyy View Post
My parents think that he's gonna treat Kendal and I like he and his brother were treated and they've got it completely wrong.
I don't know what type of abuse your boyfriend went through, but you should be extremely careful with this. I've suffered unintentional abuse at the hands of my parents, who in turn suffered similar abuse from their parents, who in turn suffered abuses stemming from World War II (or so some psychological reports would claim - it's thought to be an established phenomenon among many of the survivors). Breaking the cycle is extremely difficult. It's very possible to do, but it seems to require a lot of self-introspection.

I would not wish abuse on anyone, whether a spouse or a child. Again without knowing anything about your boyfriend, I'm instinctively afraid for your daughter and for you. I'd ask that you remember that, as much as you love Casey, you need to protect your daughter and you need to protect yourself. You don't need to view Casey as a time bomb, but please don't think that he's incapable of repeating the abuses that were brought against him. I've spoken with my fiancee about the things I suffered and requested that if she ever noticed something similar coming out of me, to tell me immediately.

I don't know if you've spoken with Casey about his past, but you may want to try to establish a communication line like that. The abuses will generally never flow out of an abused person because they want to repeat their abuse - it's completely unintentional and undesirable. Without some external feedback it can be very difficult to recognize the actions that are being performed, though. You can help to make sure that he doesn't accidentally do something that will pain him later on.

As for your parents, they need to accept Casey and your daughter sooner or later. It's for the best for your daughter if Casey is an active part of her and your life. You know your parents better than I do, but I think you need to talk with them about it in a calm and rational manner. Don't curse at them or become overly defensive and emotional about Casey if they speak poorly about him. You want them to at least give him a chance, to get to know him. I'd think that the best way to do that would be to show that you're cool-headed and rational (as opposed to lovestruck and under his manipulation, which they may suspect). It isn't easy to do that - it requires a lot of diplomacy on your part. Yet ultimately it would be ideal for you, your daughter, your parents, and for Casey if everyone could accept one another, be supportive of each other, and get along.

I wish you the best.
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Old 2009-10-20, 18:06   Link #1999
Shiemi
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K_Babyy View Post
Things have gotten a lot worse since my last post.
My boyfriend comes over pretty much every day for a few hours to see our little girl, he wants to stay all day whenever he's not working, but he has to cut the time back because my parents can't stand him. This is putting a lot of stress on our relationship. He wants to be with our baby and me all the time and my parents are doing whatever they can to make sure that doesn't happen.
One question, do you have any other place to spend time together with the baby that wouldn't be your parents' house? A supportive relative's house? Friend's house? His place?

Rest I will take to PM.
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Old 2009-10-20, 20:59   Link #2000
UltimaWolf
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: ~Bleh~
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
UltimaWolf, your situation gave me a sensation of deja vu from my brother telling me the same exact thing from his gf last year. He was going insane and wanted to call or text her, but I kept telling him not to do it. Somehow, he managed to stop himself and before the week was over, it was his gf who had been texting and calling and then got back together with him.

I cannot really say that the same will happen to you as girls have lots of different personalities, but like RadiantBeam said, giving her space is the best option, which is what my brother did, regardless of how it will end. And btw, my brother's gf has kept doing this from time to time and last time they were not together for more than a month. ^^;;; Now they are engaged again so in that sense, I don't get them.

Thanks for the advice. I'll give her all the space she needs. Though hopefully it won't take a month Its only been two days and it seems like forever...
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