AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > Anime Related Topics > Fan Creations

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2007-12-05, 21:56   Link #1
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Chrissie's Writings

This thread will hold things that I write in it. The VN is running smoothly, I just had to take it off just in case.
__________________

Last edited by Kristen; 2008-02-28 at 13:28. Reason: Changing from a single purpose to a multipurpose thread
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-05, 22:30   Link #2
Izayoi
I LOVE FLAN_CHAN
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Flan-chan
Age: 21
Send a message via MSN to Izayoi
Amazing story.. I just read the first few paragraph and died because My impatiences for reading.. sorry. i took another sip at it and yes professional writing
__________________
I love Flandre Scarlet

Last edited by Izayoi; 2007-12-06 at 08:59.
Izayoi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-05, 22:36   Link #3
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Quote:
Originally Posted by Setsilya~ View Post
Amazing story.. but, hmm the girl sounds like Yumemi from Planetarian. I just read the first few paragraph and died because My impatiences for reading.. sorry. Amazing story.
Oh, wow, she does! I hadn't noticed that before. I guess I was kind of going for that effect, until that shell is broken.

Thanks.
__________________
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 01:49   Link #4
-PoLLuX-
死体。。。上手にうめられた?
*Graphic Designer
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hinamizawa Village~
Wow... I am nearly speechless, that was just so good... I really would love to read the next chapter! Great work!
-PoLLuX- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 09:01   Link #5
Izayoi
I LOVE FLAN_CHAN
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Flan-chan
Age: 21
Send a message via MSN to Izayoi
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrissieXD View Post
Oh, wow, she does! I hadn't noticed that before. I guess I was kind of going for that effect, until that shell is broken.

Thanks.
Reason why i edit it was because later on it doesn't as much... so you shouldn't worry about it. But at first it was really alike lol. She kind of took a major turn, later on.

I will finish this story when I have time..prioritized.
__________________
I love Flandre Scarlet
Izayoi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 15:15   Link #6
The Chaos
ǾΝΈ ΡЇΈÇΈ is the Best !!
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: away from you
Age: 35
I love This Story ...well I read The First Chapter.....
Great work...
__________________
The Chaos is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 19:22   Link #7
Kang Seung Jae
神聖カルル帝国の 皇帝
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Korea
Age: 37
Well written. First, about the cultural stuff:



1. Cereal: I think we've gone over that in the Japanese Culture thread. Cereal isn't an "usual" breakfast item in Japan. Going for toast would be more in-line.


2. Clue: Board games aren't that popular in Japan. (Although there are localized versions of Clue in Japan.)



It seems you've mixed elements of Nagisa, Kotomi, Kyou, and Tomoyo into your Nagisa, and Yuki is the opposite of everything that is Tomoya.
Kang Seung Jae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 19:39   Link #8
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae View Post
Well written. First, about the cultural stuff:



1. Cereal: I think we've gone over that in the Japanese Culture thread. Cereal isn't an "usual" breakfast item in Japan. Going for toast would be more in-line.


2. Clue: Board games aren't that popular in Japan. (Although there are localized versions of Clue in Japan.)



It seems you've mixed elements of Nagisa, Kotomi, Kyou, and Tomoyo into your Nagisa, and Yuki is the opposite of everything that is Tomoya.
1. OK. Time for the good old "Edit, Replace" button. EDIT: All fixed.
2. Hm, I thought so. I used clue because I saw it in a Higurashi episode, at least that's what I thought it was. I had Monopoly in chapter 3, but I knew that was going to be way off. . What is a common game to play, other than cards?
3. Yep. I was completely off. It was a prediction of Clannad without knowing a thing about the game except there was a girl named Nagisa and Tomoya was a delinquent, so it was naturally far off. I'm laughing now at how I was trying to hit the nail on the head but somehow threw the hammer out the back window. If Nagisa seems even remotely like a mixture of those girls, then I am impressed.
__________________

Last edited by Kristen; 2007-12-06 at 19:51.
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 20:27   Link #9
Kang Seung Jae
神聖カルル帝国の 皇帝
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Korea
Age: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrissieXD View Post
If Nagisa seems even remotely like a mixture of those girls, then I am impressed.
If you don't mind spoilers....

Spoiler for Comparisons:

Also, I forgot to add something: the brass knocker seems out of place, given that most houses use electric bells.
Kang Seung Jae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 20:40   Link #10
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae View Post
If you don't mind spoilers....

Spoiler for Comparisons:

Also, I forgot to add something: the brass knocker seems out of place, given that most houses use electric bells.
Oh, wow. That was a completely random coincidence, then. Most of that stuff I knew after 9 weeks of Clannad, except for the Kotomi and Tomoyo thingy. But these chapters I wrote on October 2nd with Clannad's release on the 4th, so it's not like I copied it.

Just a question on the brass knocker. I know in America we have a lot of situations where we have electric doorbells and a brass knocker as a decoration. Everybody uses the doorbell, of course. I was trying something like this, and showing one of her weird quirks in always using this decorative knocker instead of convention.
Are they popular as a decoration, or should I cut it?
__________________
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 20:42   Link #11
Kang Seung Jae
神聖カルル帝国の 皇帝
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Korea
Age: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrissieXD View Post
Oh, wow. That was a completely random coincidence, then. Most of that stuff I knew after 9 weeks of Clannad, except for the Kotomi and Tomoyo thingy. But these chapters I wrote on October 2nd with Clannad's release on the 4th, so it's not like I copied it.

Just a question on the brass knocker. I know in America we have a lot of situations where we have electric doorbells and a brass knocker as a decoration. Everybody uses the doorbell, of course. I was trying something like this, and showing one of her weird quirks in always using this decorative knocker instead of convention.
Are they popular as a decoration, or should I cut it?
Cut, unless we get another opinion on the matter.


One thing is for sure: I've never seen a knocker on the front door to the house in Japan.
Kang Seung Jae is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-06, 20:48   Link #12
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae View Post
Cut, unless we get another opinion on the matter.


One thing is for sure: I've never seen a knocker on the front door to the house in Japan.
Hm. Alright, will do. I guess I'll have her knock on the door instead of ringing the doorbell. That should show the weird quirk a bit, I suppose.

And thanks for all of this. This is really taking out my western mindset a lot.
__________________
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-08, 08:17   Link #13
-PoLLuX-
死体。。。上手にうめられた?
*Graphic Designer
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hinamizawa Village~
After reading this, I decided to try watching Clannad and its so different! I was really confused at the start thinking it was going to be like this.

By the way, what does Chisan mean?
-PoLLuX- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-08, 08:59   Link #14
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Quote:
Originally Posted by -PoLLuX- View Post
After reading this, I decided to try watching Clannad and its so different! I was really confused at the start thinking it was going to be like this.

By the way, what does Chisan mean?
Right now, I think it translates to "Late", but I can never be sure. I know so little Japanese to begin with. . It's just a working title for now. I've thought of so many different titles, from Flight to Miracle to Nagisa to Chisan no Yume, but none of them really work as well as I want them too.
But glad you liked it. And yes, Clannad is basically the exact opposite of everything written. That's what I get for trying to predict a series.
__________________
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-10, 06:21   Link #15
-PoLLuX-
死体。。。上手にうめられた?
*Graphic Designer
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hinamizawa Village~
Ah I finished chapter four, I see some love going on here.
I can't wait to read more
-PoLLuX- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-11, 09:07   Link #16
Zero Shinohara
I'll keep walking.
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: This is FLORIDAAAAAAaaa
Age: 37
Send a message via MSN to Zero Shinohara
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChrissieXD
Right now, I think it translates to "Late", but I can never be sure.
chisan
(n) forest conservation; afforestation


chisan
(n) management of one's livelihood; management of one's property


chisan
(n,vs) latecoming; lateness; tardiness



chisandamu
(n) erosion-control dam; soil saving dam

Yep, you're right. Because you're working so hard on your novel and it's looking so good, I'll share:

http://enterprise.ottix.net/cgi-bin/j-e/dict

Hope it's of use

Edit: Pretty name, by the way.
__________________

Sometimes I look back and think to myself, "how the hell did I manage to screw this up?"
Zero Shinohara is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-12, 23:28   Link #17
-PoLLuX-
死体。。。上手にうめられた?
*Graphic Designer
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hinamizawa Village~
Keep up the good work and don't rush with the editing!
-PoLLuX- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-20, 10:06   Link #18
innominate
hiatus almost permanent
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Heyya! =)

Since you took time off to comment on my oneshot, I thought I might drop by to speak a word or two.

So let's begin =)
Spoiler for the harsh-er D::


Spoiler for the not-so-harsh =):


Spoiler for nitpicking:


So that's all for today, I need to get down to writing xD... hope I helped! =)
innominate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-20, 22:54   Link #19
-PoLLuX-
死体。。。上手にうめられた?
*Graphic Designer
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Hinamizawa Village~
You nearly done with the next chapter yet? I'm not asking you to rush or anything...
(just bored... need something to read besides the haruhi novel)

Last edited by -PoLLuX-; 2007-12-21 at 01:41.
-PoLLuX- is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2007-12-21, 08:43   Link #20
Kristen
Senior Member
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Virginia Tech
Quote:
Originally Posted by -PoLLuX- View Post
You nearly done with the next chapter yet? I'm not asking you to rush or anything...
(just bored... need something to read besides the haruhi novel)
Heh, sorry. I'm on a different computer now, since I'm home from college, and I had a bit of difficulty transferring my files from my laptop to my PC. I just started my re-edits of chapter 4 yesterday, with the goal of finishing them by today. I'm then hoping to finish my re-edits of 5 tomorrow, and my re-edits of 6 on Sunday. Since I normally don't have anything to do on Christmas Eve, I want to do my first edits of 7 then, however, I don't know how much time I'll have. If I don't have much time then, it'll have to be the 27th.
But re-edits are easy as well, so I may end up doing multiple chapters tomorrow. I don't know.
But I really don't want to post twice in this thread, so any reply is fun.

innominate: Thanks for your critiques. I've learned from the past to not try to explain stuff, and rather implement it, so I'm going to go through each one, looking for suggestions...
Spoiler for Harsh:


Spoiler for Not so harsh:


Thank you a lot for your criticism. While I'm probably not going to apply it until I finish the full revision, it'll be great come later months when I take this to further levels.

Now, to eat my breakfast and watch Clannad. ^_^
__________________
Kristen is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:03.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
We use Silk.