Dating

[Hera]

What is being silly? I hope it's not pretending to be an idiot

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by zebra

Though I'm a female and believe taste is a very subjective thing ... I can say this:
I get hit on way more when I'm dressed in a feminine way, than when I'm roaming around in a hoodie.

I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)

For me, it's much easier to ask a feminine (WTF I can't believe I just wrote feminem -.-"/1000facepalms) woman out than it is than a masculine. It seems more natural, despite being not -as- much of a turn on. It's harder to understand a rarer personality.

Like that counselor said, she believes that's what men find attractive in women's appearance. By looking like that, you're already giving the signals to men that you want to attract attention. Whether men find you attractive or not, it certainly shows a welcoming intention to conversation and opportunity.

My highschool prom date was the only female there who didn't wear make-up. I thought that was such a nice thing from her.

-----------

Originally Posted by Hera

What is being silly? I hope it's not pretending to be an idiot

I hope silly = clumsy and insane.

Like one friend who tried to light my pants on fire with a sparkler on Canada day.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by zebra

I personally think men simply notice you 'faster' if you show female attributes, but it doesn't mean you're their type overall.
Liking to look at a booty is something different then wanting to get to know the person after all. I at least am guilty of liking to look at some guys who I would never date, because of their unattractive personality (from my pov)

Zebra just hit the nail in the head: it's not so much that us men are more interested in a woman who's feminine but that when one woman behaves and dresses in a feminine way it will draw a man's attention more effectively than when she doesn't.

And I'll also join the club of those who aren't particularly turned on by high heels or make up. I however do not mind seeing women using a slight heel or a very discrete make up from time to time but please ladies, don't overdo it.

[solomon]

Not to derail the convo (is that possible),

just had to get some things off my chest.

Been at the online dating thing a little while and it's a thorough meh for me so far, besides Endless Soul, anyone else have any real strong opinons about it?

It seems impossible to get through to people and have them respond to you, albiet these are for various reasons. Long story short, I'm becoming a bit unenthused with the notion of the "first impression" being a picture, a blurb you punch into a template and and what ever "witty and charming" line you use to attract attention.

I think I prefer getting rejected better in real life (LOL).

[GDB]

Pretty much exactly the same feeling solomon.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Tenken's Smile

Hey people, especially guys, this is a question for you:

A relationship counselor wrote in her book that things men love about women are femininity, such as, giggles, putting on make up, wearing skirts, dresses and high heeled shoes, being emotional, being creative, being silly, etc.
^ What do you think about this?

If a girl acts like a guy, what's the point? I have enough male friends. I want a girlfriend/wife to act feminine, just as she'd want me to act masculine. I can think off the top of my head of two of my female friends - one more masculine, one more feminine. Both look feminine enough, but the attitude of the former makes her seem a lot less attractive. Luckily, my girlfriend is just feminine enough that it's attractive but not so much that it's annoying (modest makeup, modest clothing, appropriately hygienic without being grossed out at certain things, etc.) Can't complain, which leads me to this next question...

Originally Posted by solomon

Been at the online dating thing a little while and it's a thorough meh for me so far, besides Endless Soul, anyone else have any real strong opinons about it?

Hey, it worked for me. I never had a girlfriend until I explored online, and now we're going as strong as can be. She lives about an hour away, so we're restricted to seeing each other on weekends, but we talk every night. In fact, neither of us has any doubt that we'll marry the other when the time is right, but we're being very patient with that. Once money and job stability and proximity and all those things are in place, then we'll take it further.

So yes, online dating can very definitely work out. You just need to get lucky, I guess.

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Gamer_2k4

So yes, online dating can very definitely work out. You just need to get lucky, I guess.

Probably more luck than you'd need in person, from what I've seen. And if you need that much luck, might as well just use real life where you can at least do it quickly.

[NoemiChan]

Originally Posted by GDB

Probably more luck than you'd need in person, from what I've seen. And if you need that much luck, might as well just use real life where you can at least do it quickly.

True...and who knows, there are hidden psychopaths in online dating sites...

[GDB]

Hidden psychopaths in real life, too. Overall I'd consider them similar, with two key differences.

Online: People can take their time and overthink things, or just outright ignore them without so much as a second thought. There's also a high chance of short, curt responses that don't allow a conversation to continue. Granted this can happen in real life too, but it's more obvious there if it's due to non-interest or incompetence.

Real Life: You don't have as much prior information about a person, including hobbies, likes, and dislikes.

I'm at the point where I'm leaning toward the latter.

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by GenjiChan

True...and who knows, there are hidden psychopaths in online dating sites...

There are. I'm reminded of that every day.

~looks at the key marks that are still on the door of his truck after all these years~

Endless "Finder of hidden psychopaths" Soul

[Hera]

I hope silly = clumsy and insane.

Like one friend who tried to light my pants on fire with a sparkler on Canada day.

That's rather scary

[Kimidori]

this not really about "dating" but it about my friend's relationship so i think i should post here.

my friend is a Buddhist follower and have swear to devote her life for it. recently, a high ranked monk ask her to learn buddhism to a higher level but she will have to reject some "normal life" things. a friend of her, who unconditional helped her a lot in the past, absolutely against it and tell her she must stop.
now she not sure who she should listen to, she said that if she agree to learn buddhism to a higher level it would be like she betrayed that friend of her, but if she listen to that friend it also like she betrayed the monk's trust and she really want learn buddhism more.

she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?

[Hera]

Guys and gals,
A male friend of mine said don't care about whether that person is taken or not, if you like him, tell him, rather than keep it inside and regret.
He has dated a lot of experience with dating and still he suggested such a thing.
Your thoughts on that?

[ChainLegacy]

Originally Posted by GDB

Probably more luck than you'd need in person, from what I've seen. And if you need that much luck, might as well just use real life where you can at least do it quickly.

I don't know, I'm hardly a Casanova (I'm decent looking, but definitely nerdy as a disclaimer, lol ), and I was talking to several girls the first night I signed up. It didn't seem that hard. Just say some funny stuff, regular common interests talk -> ask for number, then boom the whole online portion is mostly over with. Actually in my case I don't even think I asked for any numbers, it was them doing that part for once, so definitely easier than real life.

A good idea is to try to be funny starting off as it loosens people up to the idea of talking to you.

[Gamer_2k4]

Originally Posted by Kimidori

she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?

Of course you can't think of any; neither direction has room for compromise. Your friend just needs to decide what's more important to her, and go after that.

However, two things are at play here that both should be pretty strong: friendship and religious oaths. If her friend truly supports her unconditionally, that should continue even with this new direction. Friendship doesn't stop just because you don't agree with someone. At the same time, if you swear to dedicate your life to something, that's pretty darn important and NOT a decision to take lightly. You said your friend wants to pursue a higher level of Buddhism? Then that's what she should do. If it was something extreme like a suicide cult, absolutely not, but Buddhism isn't like that. If it's what she wants to do, it's what she should do.

[limao]

Dating = Stupid. Obviously males and females are not compatible.

[Endless Soul]

Originally Posted by Kimidori

this not really about "dating" but it about my friend's relationship so i think i should post here.

my friend is a Buddhist follower and have swear to devote her life for it. recently, a high ranked monk ask her to learn buddhism to a higher level but she will have to reject some "normal life" things. a friend of her, who unconditional helped her a lot in the past, absolutely against it and tell her she must stop.
now she not sure who she should listen to, she said that if she agree to learn buddhism to a higher level it would be like she betrayed that friend of her, but if she listen to that friend it also like she betrayed the monk's trust and she really want learn buddhism more.

she asked me for a solution but i can't think of any. what you think she should do in this situation?

I have one question: WHY is her friend dead-set against her following Buddhism to a higher level? What is his motive?

And I agree with G2K4, it's her life, it's her decision. Her friend should respect that.

Endless "Inquisitor" Soul

[Kimidori]

Originally Posted by Endless Soul

I have one question: WHY is her friend dead-set against her following Buddhism to a higher level? What is his motive?

And I agree with G2K4, it's her life, it's her decision. Her friend should respect that.

Endless "Inquisitor" Soul

maybe it have something to do with "reject some "normal life" things" . but i guess i will ask her later

[Paranoid Android]

Originally Posted by Hera

Guys and gals,
A male friend of mine said don't care about whether that person is taken or not, if you like him, tell him, rather than keep it inside and regret.
He has dated a lot of experience with dating and still he suggested such a thing.
Your thoughts on that?

Depends, would you care about that person if they don't become in a relationship with you? If it's someone I see only as a possible girlfriend, I'd tell her my feelings regardless. Being too considerate of others isn't going to help me any, and yes it is regrettable most of the time if I don't let her know. If it's someone who's already a casual/close friend, then no, keep it to yourself, it's unnecessary headache for that person and they will separate them self from you entirely.

Personally, it's not a good sign if my crush dumps her bf for me. That suggests many things about that person, I might not make a judgement on what kind of person she is, but none of those possibilities are traits I want my girlfriend to have.

So generally, it's not a good idea. But gut moves and instinct do work a lot of time.

The good side to letting your crush know is that he/she will keep her intimacy with his/her partner away from you so you aren't hurt as bad. Unless your crush is gonna be a bitch about it too, then it's just not worth it.

Aggressive approach definitely increases your chances, most of us overly-thinking introverts can't get ourselves to do that however.

[Hera]

Originally Posted by Paranoid Android

Depends, would you care about that person if they don't become in a relationship with you? If it's someone I see only as a possible girlfriend, I'd tell her my feelings regardless. Being too considerate of others isn't going to help me any, and yes it is regrettable most of the time if I don't let her know. If it's someone who's already a casual/close friend, then no, keep it to yourself, it's unnecessary headache for that person and they will separate them self from you entirely.

Personally, it's not a good sign if my crush dumps her bf for me. That suggests many things about that person, I might not make a judgement on what kind of person she is, but none of those possibilities are traits I want my girlfriend to have.

So generally, it's not a good idea. But gut moves and instinct do work a lot of time.

The good side to letting your crush know is that he/she will keep her intimacy with his/her partner away from you so you aren't hurt as bad. Unless your crush is gonna be a bitch about it too, then it's just not worth it.

Aggressive approach definitely increases your chances, most of us overly-thinking introverts can't get ourselves to do that however.

So in summary:
- if they're barely a stranger, tell them regardless
- if they've been friends with you, shut your mouth?