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Old 2009-01-02, 14:31   Link #3061
hell88
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Well... here is my next chapter!

Spoiler for chapter 20:
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Old 2009-01-02, 14:54   Link #3062
Hari Michiru
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I think I'm finished my one-shot, but I still don't have a title for it. Ah well.

Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Spoiler for story:
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Old 2009-01-02, 15:53   Link #3063
MisterJB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lost_soul View Post
You asked to make it an open question, so here it goes:

Spoiler for to answer your questions and state my reasons again:
Nice. You are using an alternate acount, aren't you?

Spoiler for discussion:
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Old 2009-01-02, 15:56   Link #3064
Hari Michiru
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Oi oi, no flame wars, 'kay?
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Old 2009-01-02, 15:57   Link #3065
MisterJB
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Hari Michiru: I find the end to be very touching
But I think you have a little error there.

"Why can’t I even die peacefully?"

After this I think you made Teresa answer her own question with:

"Probably not."

If you wanted to have Teresa answer her own question I think it should have been something like this:

"Can't I even die peacefully"


I'm trying to be polite and have a productive discussion with lost_soul
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Old 2009-01-02, 16:03   Link #3066
Hari Michiru
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Originally Posted by MisterJB View Post
Hari Michiru: I find the end to be very touching
But I think you have a little error there.

"Why can’t I even die peacefully?"

After this I think you made Teresa answer her own question with:

"Probably not."

If you wanted to have Teresa answer her own question I think it should have been something like this:

"Can't I even die peacefully"


I'm trying to be polite and have a productive discussion with lost_soul
Ah, okay. Thanks for the heads up about the mistake.
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Old 2009-01-02, 16:14   Link #3067
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Originally Posted by Hari Michiru View Post
Ah, okay. Thanks for the heads up about the mistake.
No problem

nice chapter by the way hell

Last edited by MisterJB; 2009-01-02 at 18:12.
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:12   Link #3068
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hari Michiru View Post
I think I'm finished my one-shot, but I still don't have a title for it. Ah well.

Constructive criticism is always welcome!

Spoiler for story:
This was very interesting, this is what I think death is like after someone dies. I kind of feel bad for Teresa because of what she saw, but thats what it could have been like after.

@MisterJB: Did you like the shower scene?
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:15   Link #3069
Hari Michiru
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Originally Posted by hell88 View Post
This was very interesting, this is what I think death is like after someone dies. I kind of feel bad for Teresa because of what she saw, but thats what it could have been like after.
Thanks. I originally wanted for Teresa to become part of Clare's conscious, but I couldn't figure out how to make the transition from between life and death to being part of Clare's mind. Needless to say, I got lazy and frustrated, and ended it like that.
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:19   Link #3070
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@MisterJB: Did you like the shower scene?
Of course,
I gave you good rep I think
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:20   Link #3071
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Of course,
I gave you good rep I think
Yeah I saw.
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:30   Link #3072
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I wonder where you are going to take this now that the main villain (in theory) is dead
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:33   Link #3073
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I wonder where you are going to take this now that the main villain (in theory) is dead
Well Easley in my story wasn't the main villian, he was kind of like the first person that would have to be done away with before the stronger villians would have to be taken care of, which would be the org.
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Old 2009-01-02, 18:39   Link #3074
Yosei
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An ugly shadow is hanging over this thread.

@ Lost_Soul, take a chill pill. You seem quite happy to be angry at MisterJB for insulting the Claymore characters, yet you're doing the exact same thing to him. Questioning his intelligence and his ability to get laid is not the best advice you can give to an author. While I always have disagreements with fellow authors like MisterJB, it is definitely better to advise him on what he's doing wrong rather than expressing such a personal disdain and loathing of him. Frankly, I wouldn't expect MisterJB to change his writing for someone who's quite happy to tell him how mental he is and how he's not worth talking to.

I don't know if you've read anyone else's work, but I avoid rape scenes like the plague (heck I don't even like harems). But disagreeing with someone doesn't mean you have to not give him ideas for improvement, let alone despise him.
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Last edited by Yosei; 2009-01-02 at 18:54.
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Old 2009-01-02, 19:04   Link #3075
MisterJB
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
An ugly shadow is hanging over this thread.

@ Lost_Soul, take a chill pill. You seem quite happy to be angry at MisterJB for insulting the Claymore characters, yet you're doing the exact same thing to him. Questioning his intelligence and his ability to get laid is not the best advice you can give to an author. While I always have disagreements with fellow authors like MisterJB, it is definitely better to advise him on what he's doing wrong rather than expressing such a personal disdain and loathing of him. Frankly, I wouldn't expect MisterJB to change his writing for someone who's quite happy to tell him how mental he is and how he's not worth talking to.

I don't know if you've read anyone else's work, but I avoid rape scenes like the plague (heck I don't even like harems). But disagreeing with someone doesn't mean you have to not give him ideas for improvement, let alone despise him.
Thanks a lot
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Old 2009-01-02, 19:45   Link #3076
Hari Michiru
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
An ugly shadow is hanging over this thread.

@ Lost_Soul, take a chill pill. You seem quite happy to be angry at MisterJB for insulting the Claymore characters, yet you're doing the exact same thing to him. Questioning his intelligence and his ability to get laid is not the best advice you can give to an author. While I always have disagreements with fellow authors like MisterJB, it is definitely better to advise him on what he's doing wrong rather than expressing such a personal disdain and loathing of him. Frankly, I wouldn't expect MisterJB to change his writing for someone who's quite happy to tell him how mental he is and how he's not worth talking to.

I don't know if you've read anyone else's work, but I avoid rape scenes like the plague (heck I don't even like harems). But disagreeing with someone doesn't mean you have to not give him ideas for improvement, let alone despise him.
Agreed. I'm not a yuri fan, but I respect other people's opinions (non-yuri Claymore fanfic is really hard to find, btw).
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:24   Link #3077
Yosei
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My very first Claymore fanfic was a yuri, but now my current one is, so far, all hetero. XD
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:24   Link #3078
hell88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosei View Post
My very first Claymore fanfic was a yuri, but now my current one is, so far, all hetero. XD
That fic ruled!
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:26   Link #3079
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This one is better, in my opinion

My fic has only 2 yuri pairings. I'm not a yuri-fan myself, only sometimes
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Old 2009-01-02, 20:29   Link #3080
Yosei
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Your Holiness was supposed to be more of a one-shot. In terms of sheer scale and war, it doesn't even match up to Imperial Fire, and it's not fair to compare it so. Even Darkness Falls was of a lesser level, although the final battle could give a couple of the chapters in IF a run for its money.
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