Dating

[Qwazar]

I used to know a girl that had 20 year old boyfriend when she was fourteen. We pointed and laughed, oh yes we did! At around age of sixteen it got really weird- When somebody would get eighteen out of my friends they pretty much always had younger girlfriends (somehow boys were always older).

If the girl is sixteen and guy is eighteen it's okay. If the guy is sixteen and the girl is thirteen it's weird. If the guy is twenty and the girl fourteen I feel like going to police.

[Ledgem]

Age differences are greater when people are younger. We're all changing, but our changes are much more drastic when we are younger. The difference between a 14 year old and a 16 year old is immense; by comparison, there doesn't seem to be a huge difference between people who are 42 and 44. Being able to relate to each other is quite important in a relationship. In my mind, many of the relationships between, say, an 18 year old and a person of 16 (or lower) either feel forced or seem to reflect that the older person is stuck in a younger mentality and is not looking forward. It isn't always true, of course, but from my observations it's true more often than not.

[Vestus]

Okay, I have been thinking about this "stuation" over and over, and I need some serious help with this b/c when it comes to this I am an idiot.

The Situation:
Okay, there's a girl I met through a friend about 2-4 months ago and we have been hanging out time to time. I know she's WAY out of my league considering that she's a model.

Well, recently she pulled this whole "pretend dating" thing. And it's not like a little joke or anything. She takes it to whole level and goes into girlfriend mode when she hangs out with me.

Now, everyone I know (except for my best friend) thinks me and her are dating. I'm not complaining or anything, because I admit that I like it. My life right now is like an anime.

However, it's driving me crazy because I don't know if she's just teasing me since I'm a major nerd, or trying to get me to ask her out by playing the "game".

What do you guys think?

[Klashikari]

Personally, I would definitely try to cast away any possible misunderstanding for not only other people, but for both you and this girl.

This kind of situation is quite peculiar, but certainly "not healthy", in a sense that it might drive the situation into an uncontrollable chaos, leading to the usual "snowball effect".
It is actually better to ask bluntly and directly what she is actually doing. If you feel something is wrong, then trust your intuition and break the truth as fast as possible. Considering my personal experience, even if you actually enjoy this situation (well, the "good side" of it), I believe that the lakc of genuinity/reality of that is just making this situation more like a dream or a "game" than anything else, just like you said.

The more you are lingering the matter, the higher the chances you will really fall for her are getting bigger. And if she is actually having fun, I believe your downfall will be quite painful when the "dream" will cease.

[deathreape98]

I agree with Klashikari, he nailed it right on.

[UltimaWolf]

I agree with Klashikari, I have a friend that was in kind of the same situation, and in the end it hurt him alot because he thought she was being serious while she was just playing along the whole time. Its best to just be blunt and ask her outright.

[tripperazn]

Agreed with Klashikari. Not only will you probably fall for her eventually and get hurt, your chances of getting a real gf now are zero for as long as this continues and then some (no one wants to be the rebound). Just confront her with it and listen to her motive.

Do it over IM if you feel too nervous.

[Papaya]

For lack of a better answer, since the above posters have basically covered it all... you should ask for pretend sex. Get it while it lasts!

[Fome]

Actually, that sounds really awesome. It's like all the cuddliness without the responsibility. I disagree with these suggestions. I think it'll be fine, as long as you play the role of the "indifferent loner." She pretend dates you, so you pretend to be oblivious to the romantic inferences. Lol, now THAT would make your life like an anime.

The key is not to get lulled into REALLY wanting to pursue a relationship. If you like her, don't ruin it by trying to get more than you have now. IMO, it's very possible that, as soon as you confront her about it, she will feel uncomfortable and stop this fun stuff. I think the people here are being too serious about it. While you're young, just have a good time.

[High_Lord_Demonix]

Damn stuff like this is why I date men (that and they are REALLY cute)..................yea all the love Fome but i gotta say go with Klashikari nailed it right on the head with that one

[HASHIRIYA]

its a one night stand wid out teh secks!
I'd feel a bit short changed my self, tho sounds like it can lead to a bit of rough ending

[Fome]

I disagree with klash. Like really disagree. I think you could lose something really awesome. Only if you are really dumb will it snowball out of control.

[Ascaloth]

The way I see it, you can go with either Klashi's way, or Fome's way. However, whichever way you decide to play it, make sure you play it with the same approach either way; keep yourself detached. Don't EVER get too optimistic; you're only setting yourself up for a fall that way.

If you want to play it safe and conservative, do it Klashi's way. Get the situation between yourself and her clean and clear-cut ASAP, so at least you know what the [beep] is going on. If you have to, brush her off, be firm, and tell her that her actions are just not healthy for either of you. Whatever you do, don't get your hopes up.

However, if you think you have what it takes to pull it off, do it Fome's way. Play along with her, and have fun by trying to "one-up" her by acting indifferent and even Aizawa Yuuichi-class sarcastic, if you can pull it off. Again, whatever you do, don't get your hopes up. Just treat this as a game, since it's more than likely that's all it is to her.

Whatever you do, guard your heart; keep reminding yourself that it means nothing to you, and more importantly, that she means nothing to you. That way, you're less likely to fall into the trap of actually falling for her, and even more importantly, that you're less likely to fall into the trap of jealously if/when you see her on another guy's arm.

I know this sounds awfully pessimistic, but hey.

[High_Lord_Demonix]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

Age differences are greater when people are younger. We're all changing, but our changes are much more drastic when we are younger. The difference between a 14 year old and a 16 year old is immense; by comparison, there doesn't seem to be a huge difference between people who are 42 and 44. Being able to relate to each other is quite important in a relationship. In my mind, many of the relationships between, say, an 18 year old and a person of 16 (or lower) either feel forced or seem to reflect that the older person is stuck in a younger mentality and is not looking forward. It isn't always true, of course, but from my observations it's true more often than not.

Damn Ledgem you always have some deep stuff to say...............

HIGH-5!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Shii]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

The way I see it, you can go with either Klashi's way, or Fome's way. However, whichever way you decide to play it, make sure you play it with the same approach either way; keep yourself detached. Don't EVER get too optimistic; you're only setting yourself up for a fall that way.

Yeah, I went out on pretend dates with a girl I really liked talking with and showed genuine interest in her. After that she thought I was sort of stupid, or that I had believed the pretend dates were real. It's really annoying!

[Fome]

Originally Posted by Shii

Yeah, I went out on pretend dates with a girl I really liked talking with and showed genuine interest in her. After that she thought I was sort of stupid, or that I had believed the pretend dates were real. It's really annoying!

Good advice from someone with the same experience.

So yeah, you get the picture. You can do whatever you want, as long as you don't REALLY get interested.

[Kyomi]

Hmmm.. I have had someone ask me on a pretend date once, though it turned out she really liked me and it was her way of getting close, so I guess you shouldn't burn ALL your hopes down. though the quickest answer the better. Something like that shouldn't be allowed to last too long, for your own benefit.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Vestus

I know she's WAY out of my league considering that she's a model.

Just because she's a model doesn't mean that she's out of your league. I know society glamorizes models as if they're all mini-goddesses but in reality they're still human. Right now you seem to be viewing yourself as "just a nerd" who isn't worthy of such a person. Until you boost your self respect and realize your self worth, I don't think many girls would take you seriously.

Now, everyone I know (except for my best friend) thinks me and her are dating. I'm not complaining or anything, because I admit that I like it. My life right now is like an anime.

However, it's driving me crazy because I don't know if she's just teasing me since I'm a major nerd, or trying to get me to ask her out by playing the "game".

You asked what we think, but in truth it should be you doing the thinking. Ask yourself what you want at this point in time. Do you want a serious relationship? If the answer is yes, then the next question is whether you want a relationship with her. If you realize that you do desire a relationship with her, then you have an obligation to yourself to find out whether it could happen or not. Clarify it with her, and find out whether there's any possibility of having a real relationship. If there is, you've done yourself (and possibly your lady friend) a wonderful favor. If not, you'll know to not get your hopes up or feel frustrated.

Depending on how you go about it, you may even still be able to keep this pretend dating thing. I can't give you advice about how to ask or clarify, as I don't know her or how she'd react. Trust yourself on this one. And I think it's OK to feel pleased with pretend dating and all. Males like the company of females and there's nothing wrong with that.

Until you identify your own desires, none of us here can help you. Everyone is giving you advice based off of their own personal wants and desires. Fome has given the interesting opinion of stating that what you have is very cool, stating that it's likea relationship, just without the responsibility. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong Fome but that view likely indicates that Fome does not want a serious relationship at this point. If you're feeling similarly, Vestus, then Fome's advice is quite good. I think that many of the other posters feel that they would want a relationship, and thus they express concern over what effects an unrequited love would have on you.

So tell us - what do you want?

[HASHIRIYA]

wimmen are whole lot of mind games in human form
hard to read, unstable, mood swings, most dangerous play thing around for men.

[Vestus]

@Klashkari/Fome/Ledgem:

Well, I would like to have a serious relationship, that I cannot deny to myself. However, I'm real skeptical about relationships in general, because of previous relationship in which the girl left me for another guy.

(BTW I'm in college right now, I'm a 2nd year and she's a 1st year)

I had no interest in her before. This girl, however is all "touchy" when she's around me (and I enjoy it, alot). Not to be cheesy, but as for "falling for her" well that may be too late.

I have this thought that I may not have another chance like this ever, because of my reclusive ways. However, I can't see anything in myself that she would be attracted to.

And, if I go the direct route and clear it up, well I'll post the result up here. However, until then, I'll play along.