Dating

[Narona]

Thanks for the reply even if I would have prefered a PM or no mention of some things

I don't try to compare, I know I live in a different generation. At the moment though, I don't feel like changing my mind and as I told you in this PMs, I know the kind of men that I seek still exists in my generation, they are just rare. I just need to end up to meet one who is single this time around

One more thing again, I am not afraid to stay single.

And another thing, all that you described, I already thought about everything of that and act in agreement with myself (which is the more important for me), I don't plan to change because the world has changed (and I don't care about those around me who want me to change), even if it means for me to stay alone. I made up my mind, and very seriously, so no regrets. I can still be happy even without that.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Mystique

You said you wanna get to know someone better before going on a date, but then how are you gonna get to know then if you don’t go on a date…?

That's largely the point I wanted to drive home, although it's more than just getting to know someone. You're also evaluating your comfort level with them, finding out what you dislike about them in addition to what you like and have in common with them.

But you’re 20 and basing a ‘1 person for life’ ideology from how your parents met (which may apply to most of our parents generation) and comparing that to the teenagers of society today, (which we all seem really fickle in comparison huh?)

If that was the PM aspect then I can understand some of Narona's thinking. That's sheer luck, don't bank on it. Someone quite close to me has parents who sort of did something similar. They were already "getting old" (late 20's/early 30's) and both wanted to have children. While I'd say that one had a relatively good amount of dating experience, the other had very little. They met each other, found that they both came from similar cultural backgrounds and had similar values, both wanted children, and poof - about a month after they'd started dating, they were married. They're divorced now, and their children suffered through that one. But if you speak to either of them, they'd tell you that it initially seemed like the perfect pairing, and what could have gone wrong? What went wrong, apparently, was a large number of incompatibilities and issues that might have been discovered or ironed out had they dated in the first place.

My parents are divorced, as well. Their divorce was arguably one of the better divorces that a couple could go through, but it was still painful and the after affects still cause strain to the family. You do not want to go through a divorce yourself, nor do you want to feel enslaved to a relationship that has soured. For this reason it's critical not to enter a relationship with the conviction that this will be "the one." Think about the future and how you might like to commit to it for life, but do not hold out like that.

You say that you're fine being single now, which is good - desperation usually doesn't lead to good things. Yet another concern I have for you is that you want to have children in the future. Once the biological clock starts ticking and you're in your 30's with no dating experience and no signs of a relationship, do you still think you won't feel desperate?

I think with Ledgem’s last point, he’s also saying ‘be careful not to delude yourself into staying in an unhealthy relationship’
If the person seems like the ‘right one’ but later in life he changes to the point where he doesn’t respect you, don’t think ‘but we share the same ideas.’ – marriage and kids are initial desires, but then when those are done what next?

Right again, my trusty British sidekick! Although it doesn't even have to be a case of a person changing such that there's an incompatibility. Something could come out or begin to grate on you. I'd always thought that people would easily recognize when their relationship sours or even becomes abusive, but apparently many don't. The first girl I dated admitted that her previous relationship had been bad, but she stuck with it for a year or so even after recognizing that it was bad (she simply didn't want to be single). Heck, even my own sister has had trouble dumping boys who were unfaithful to her. I'm sure it's hard for plenty of guys to do it, too. You don't want that to be you.

[Mystique]

To each their own I guess.
Well I already sent a pm to you concluding my thoughts.
You seem to be aware of whatever limitations you're currently placing on yourself (as well as such a huge risk) and the consequences involved, so as absolute as you're being at the moment, there isn't much we can say aside from what we've said already.

But nonetheless, thanks for taking time to share your beliefs on dating and relationships with us on here though. ^^

[Wirbelwind8]

I was going out with this girl that was 16. Im currently 21 and for the first month, it was hell. Everyone that knew gave me so much crap about it to her and me. It was terrible, but we tried to ignore everyone's bashing. Not so long after, we decided that we just remain friends until she turns 18. It's really hard to have to wait for someone, not because they are far away, in school, not ready, or whatever, but because we "can't". Im not opposed to the whole age resitrictions on dating, but people take it too far. I think people should take it seriously if the younger (boy or girl) is unhappy and forced to go out with the older person AND of course rape/incest.

She was the one that asked me out btw, and people tell me I forced her to go out with me.

I just thought I give that story out. I wrote a paper on age restrictions on love and how it "should be enforced, but not when love is actually there" kinda thing. I must admit I sounded like a rapist because its one of those topics that will never reach a verdict. (such as abortion)

[NightShade99]

just believe me when i say that younger girls and older men
dont work out.....it gets awkward......but when i say old i mean like
8-10 years apart ^_^

[Eczema]

I haven't been following this topic, so apologies if this has been asked already.

Okay, I'm a noob at this stuff. I can talk to girls pretty fine usually, but trying to get them attracted to me, or flirting, is something I don't know how to do. Also, what is everyone's opinions on the friend zone? It seems easier and better to be friends first, but I don't want to sort of spring it on my friend all of a sudden that I'm attracted to them. It could jeopardize the friendship.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Eczema

I haven't been following this topic, so apologies if this has been asked already.

Okay, I'm a noob at this stuff. I can talk to girls pretty fine usually, but trying to get them attracted to me, or flirting, is something I don't know how to do. Also, what is everyone's opinions on the friend zone? It seems easier and better to be friends first, but I don't want to sort of spring it on my friend all of a sudden that I'm attracted to them. It could jeopardize the friendship.

Have you ever considered the possibility that the girl could think the exact same way?

I hope now you have an idea of how the "friend zone" came about. It's true, it's stupid, but unfortunately it exists for that reason. Perhaps now you know why you should NOT try to be friends with a girl in hopes it might upgrade into a relationship some day.

[Eczema]

I don't mean be friends with a girl for the sole reason to escalate it into a romantic relationship. I mean just being friends first to get to know each other better, since I've heard that's one of the main qualms against dating a guy - that she doesn't know him well enough.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Eczema

I don't mean be friends with a girl for the sole reason to escalate it into a romantic relationship. I mean just being friends first to get to know each other better, since I've heard that's one of the main qualms against dating a guy - that she doesn't know him well enough.

True, that. I'm just telling you that you shouldn't get too chummy with a girl, because once she thinks of you as a real friend, it's hard for her to think of you as anything else.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

True, that. I'm just telling you that you shouldn't get too chummy with a girl, because once she thinks of you as a real friend, it's hard for her to think of you as anything else.

Depends on the girl. In my experience it also helps if you're already dating someone, but of course that provokes a chicken-and-egg scenario (and is also not a situation you want to be in).

[Falcon1991]

I wish there was a girl who I knew who actually liked anime and video games.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Falcon1991

I wish there was a girl who I knew who actually liked anime and video games.

They exist. They're just exceedingly rare. And they're usually already snapped up especially if they're cute into the mix. I should know.

[Waking_Dreamer]

Originally Posted by Falcon1991

I wish there was a girl who I knew who actually liked anime and video games.

If you ever find yourself with the opportunity - Take it! Trust me. I let a couple slip away.

One time early in the morning in the uni computers room, a girl sat a couple of computers adjacent to me and I saw here put a dvd inside. It turns out they had FMA eps on them. She was quickly sampling the eps, quietly laughing at the Ed vs Roy ep. I even had to walk past her to leave the room...I didnt say a word.

Though in my defense, I only had a few hours of sleep the previous night and I was frantically trying to get an assignment done for a presentation in the next 20 mins...As enjoyable and easy a conversation with her it would have probably been, I had a lot of other things on my sleep deprived mind.

You should definitely open your mouth and say something if youre ever in a similar situation. Whatever you do, dont analyse the situation or start thinking about it. Every minute you have that self conversation in your mind, the less likely it actually happen in reality. Its not an option - just take a deep breath and same something!

[BOOKGLUTTON]

Originally Posted by Eczema

I haven't been following this topic, so apologies if this has been asked already.

Okay, I'm a noob at this stuff. I can talk to girls pretty fine usually, but trying to get them attracted to me, or flirting, is something I don't know how to do. Also, what is everyone's opinions on the friend zone? It seems easier and better to be friends first, but I don't want to sort of spring it on my friend all of a sudden that I'm attracted to them. It could jeopardize the friendship.

You need to come off as a polite individual, maybe somewhat flirtatious. After getting to know her invite her to lunch on a weekend (preferably a sat) ask her to maybe go out some other time. Don't let her pay for anything . Don't get to integrated with her friends or other things until you two are dating. If you do, she may not want to date you for fear of her friends getting involved.

[Amray]

Originally Posted by NightShade99

just believe me when i say that younger girls and older men
dont work out.....it gets awkward......but when i say old i mean like
8-10 years apart ^_^

Do not let my hopes down.....

Out of all seriousness though, the outcome of a relationship does not necassarily have anything to do with the age of the two persons involved, but instead the way in which they both act, not just towards one another, but also naturally. There are lots of people out there in the world and they are all different.

I have met some very mature young females, probably even more so maturer than myself (maybe) and I know that they could probably make a relationship work out fine, then it would depend on the male. If the male was responsible and was very caring, let is use...me as an example, I think that their relationship would work perfectly despite there being quite an age difference.

Again, I do not think that age is an important issue in cases such as this, especially when regarding a relationship.

[Xvoki]

Originally Posted by Amray

I do not think that age is an important issue in cases such as this, especially when regarding a relationship.

I agree, age "shouldn't" be a reason to avoid a relationship, but its hard to take you seriously with this font colour.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

They exist. They're just exceedingly rare. And they're usually already snapped up especially if they're cute into the mix. I should know.

They exist. Again, the boys jump the gun . At leats in France, Girls who like videogames are not so rare. Maybe they don't play a lot, but a lot of girls ahve, for example, a Nintendo DS and some games. France is part of three most big Videogames market in Europe with Germany and the UK.

Originally Posted by Amray

Do not let my hopes down.....

Out of all seriousness though, the outcome of a relationship does not necassarily have anything to do with the age of the two persons involved, but instead the way in which they both act, not just towards one another, but also naturally. There are lots of people out there in the world and they are all different.

I have met some very mature young females, probably even more so maturer than myself (maybe) and I know that they could probably make a relationship work out fine, then it would depend on the male. If the male was responsible and was very caring, let is use...me as an example, I think that their relationship would work perfectly despite there being quite an age difference.

Again, I do not think that age is an important issue in cases such as this, especially when regarding a relationship.

I deleted my post, but finally I want to post it again. I don't know if it can still work with the people of our current generation, but my parents have 10 years apart from each other and are still in love and happy.

[BOOKGLUTTON]

Haha, that's exactly what I was thinking. ^^

[Falcon1991]

Aww people. You've given me hope.

Well I'm doing a course with some people who I have known for years. So once I go to college or get a job, hopefully then I will meet someone.

I plan to work at a video game store, and I've seen some girls working there. So its a start!

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Falcon1991

Aww people. You've given me hope.

Well I'm doing a course with some people who I have known for years. So once I go to college or get a job, hopefully then I will meet someone.

I plan to work at a video game store, and I've seen some girls working there. So its a start!

There are also some girls who go in that kind of shops to buy videogames XD

It also reminds me a cute guy who was working in a videogames store here in Paris, he was always talking about Sony and Microsoft, as if it was a war (I didn't understand anything about what he was saying but he was very serious about it ) but he has quit the job apparently.