Internet Relations

[Otani-kun]

I was wondering how the members on this board feel
about internet-relations.

I met my girlfriend one day when she added me on msn (We're both on
a dutch Anime forum). We instantly became really close friends since we had
the same interests and we can tell each other anything. It's been almost a
year now since we first met.

Now, even though we're still planning to meet in 2 months (We live 3-4 hours from each other by train so it's pretty expensive to meet a lot),
I asked her only a few hours ago if she wanted to have a relation and she said yes so I
couldnt be happer right now. *-*

So, what do you guys think about having a (long-distance) internet relationship.
No chance against normal relationships or just the same in a different way?

[Thrasher187]

Well, whether done by E-Mail, Snail Mail, MySpace, or what have ya...it's still a long-distance relationship (^_-)

I think it's great that you're finally meeting your internet sweetheart soon. Seeing that someone in person always strenghens such a relationship.

[Nightbat®]

Well, it made a buddy of mine a dad


internet is nothing more than a club or social place
though one can critisize the lack of physical social interaction its still is a way to meet people
and the 'internet persona pretending to be something they're not' is equal to the person you meet in a club

[Dkong1026]

Personally, I don't think they're worth it.

For all you know, they could be a 30 year old man....a 10 year old girl, etc, etc. Pics and even phone calls don't resolve much, IMO, since there's always image editing and voice morphing.


Though, if you meet someone in real life FIRST and then one of you moves, keeping that relationship going long distance is alright in my book.

But like....meeting people online to "date" is kinda dumb in my book, since it's not true dating.

[Fome]

If you're going to meet this person, prepare to be in for a surprise. People lie about their appearance, age, and gender all the time.

[Aoie_Emesai]

I won't mind the chance to find a special someone. Those lonely Christmas aren't too enjoyable. If i can find a chance to meet someone, i'll take it. My feelings can't be hurt that bad. My last wasn't the most pleasant experience, but I got over it quickly.

[raikage]

This is going to sound horrible, but I wouldn't consider it a true relationship until you two meet in person.

We are still mammals, we are still descended from animals, and so physical attraction does play a part. And there's really no way to tell, until you meet in person.

People can, knowingly or unknowingly, manufacture an online persona. I can be angry, type out a super-long post, and then abandon it before I post it. If I were at a party in person (the closest analogue to a forum I can think of) and started ranting like a maniac, I can't undo that. We're all civil because we can all take a few minutes to think before replying, we're all witty and funny because on a message board, we can take minutes or hours to think of a proper response.

So yeah, I wouldn't consider an online-only relationship to be a real relationship.

But since you two plan to meet IRL... guess everything I've had to say doesn't apply.

[Daniel E.]

My best friend meet his girlfriend while playing FFXI. They played in the same party for about 5 months or so before they decided to meet in person.

I still remember what he told me the day after their metting...

Daniel guess what!? She really was a she!!

They have been together for more than half a year now.

[Potatochobit]

I don't want to make anyone cry in this thread so I'll just post *sigh*

[Nintendo]

a relationship is a relationship if both agree to it.

i personally wouldnt do it because studies show that if the person your with, lives 25 miles away or more its projected to fail.

[-KarumA-]

Originally Posted by Potatochobit

I don't want to make anyone cry in this thread so I'll just post *sigh*

true, i wantd to do the same thing >.<

internet relationships dont always work out, its cool if you live near each other, even if it is 3-4 hours, thats is still nothing compared to people from other countries..
but what i do not like about them is that sometimes you just waste away your life behind a pc sending prsonal messages to each other that you normally talk about... what i dont like about it is that at some point you might figure out heck.. im already 22 or whatever and ive never actually been on dates.. more than once sine we only meet up once a year or shorter.. and i am missing out on my youth because i have responsibilities towards another person.. and it is always different in real life than when you chat to another, you can feel less embaressed to talk about certian things in a messenger screen than you are in real life.. let alone at first it is fun but you can miss your own freedom.. telling somone where you are going everyday is just to annoying for me to do... i hate being commited to telling someone everything you do.. specially if they then wyne about having to spend less time with you online..

[Zaris]

Originally Posted by Daniel E.

My best friend meet his girlfriend while playing FFXI. They played in the same party for about 5 months or so before they decided to meet in person.

I still remember what he told me the day after their metting...

Daniel guess what!? She really was a she!!

They have been together for more than half a year now.

I met a lot of people in FFXI who got into relationships through that game. Some traveled halfway across the world to see them. Some even married. It happens in other games like World of Warcraft. It happens in community forums too. It's everywhere. I can accept it being real, but I still have difficulty understanding it.

I think when you encounter a facinating individual on the net, it's not so much that you're finding his/her avatar attractive (though it is a pattern I noticed in MMO players who got hitched; the tall, young, short-haired Elf could quite possibly be the tall, young, short-haired woman you imagined her to be), but more like the person's charm or charisma through the use and phrasing of words and lingo. They speak things that interest you, word writen dialogue that flows well in your mind. I think that's part of the attraction. The other part is wanting to see if the physicality of the individual compliments or contradicts the individual behind the keyboard. Does he live up to what he says? Or is he some hypocrite? That's my way of looking at it, and I think it works for some. Some like the mystery.

My co-worker lived in Hong Kong and met his Japanese wife in an MMO. They moved to America and now have an 11 month old daughter. They're very happy. I asked how the romance manifested itself and it was pretty much the way I made it out to be - through creative, charming wordplay. Words can be as sensual and defining as one's body, eye color, smell, or eating habits. Images that correspond to their posts (avatars, signatures, etc.) or an in-game character simply makes it easier people to visualize their personality. For some, it's probably all they need.

Personally, I don't see that kind of romance blossoming for me. I know all to well the hypocrisy people give online and the power of embodying a persona others can easily respond to so that they can satisfy their attention cravings. Fome and raikage say it best. The internet can be a unchivalrous place to be, and there's power that comes with not having your true face revealed.

[Jaysun]

It depends on the people involved, honestly. Personally, I think it makes for a decent start, but you can't base the entire relationship around interacting purely on the internet. After a while, somebody involved will hunger for more, and when that hunger gets to be too much.. the other person will get hurt.

Not trying to be negative. Hell, I made a relationship last around three years where most of our interaction was through the internet. But we also had somewhat-frequent visits and we had met and started dating in person.

[Anachronism]

I can see how originally meeting a person through the Internet and then meeting them in person and beginning a relationship could work, but I don't see how a relationship that is actually only through the Internet would work. I know someone who declared he loved this girl he had only known from a forum and instant messaging who lives about a thousand miles away from him and they "dated" for over a year before they ever met in person. They both claim to still be in love even though they've only seen each other in person for a few days. I don't think I could do it but if it works for them then good for them.

[TinyRedLeaf]

Originally Posted by Zaris

I met a lot of people in FFXI who got into relationships through that game. Some traveled halfway across the world to see them. Some even married. It happens in other games like World of Warcraft. It happens in community forums too. It's everywhere. I can accept it being real, but I still have difficulty understanding it.

I know a couple who met and fell in love in FFXI, and are now happily married. He's from Australia, she's from California. She even has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. The whole family is now in Australia, and they now have a new baby girl too.

Yup, they are very happy.

Originally Posted by Zaris

My co-worker lived in Hong Kong and met his Japanese wife in an MMO. They moved to America and now have an 11 month old daughter. They're very happy. I asked how the romance manifested itself and it was pretty much the way I made it out to be - through creative, charming wordplay. Words can be as sensual and defining as one's body, eye color, smell, or eating habits. Images that correspond to their posts (avatars, signatures, etc.) or an in-game character simply makes it easier people to visualize their personality. For some, it's probably all they need.

It is more than wordplay. Just as your body language can say a lot about you in real life, so too does your behaviour in an online community, especially in an online game. How helpful you are, how diplomatic you are, how good a guild leader you are -- the way you behave in various "virtual" situations can and do say a lot about what kind of person you are in real life. Chivalry and true leadership are as rare in an online game as it is in real life, and no less admirable even if it is played out in a virtual world.

FFXI, unlike WoW, is a very group-centric game. Sooner or later, you'll need to work in a group to get anything meaningful done. And very often, this can turn out to be a huge test of your character. Think not? Well, wait till you get into epic dramas over the division of spoils after an epic battle that took months of planning to win. Those are the moments when you'd find out who your true friends are.

Originally Posted by Zaris

Personally, I don't see that kind of romance blossoming for me. I know all to well the hypocrisy people give online and the power of embodying a persona others can easily respond to so that they can satisfy their attention cravings. Fome and raikage say it best. The internet can be a unchivalrous place to be, and there's power that comes with not having your true face revealed.

The same can be said of any relationship, even when you're dating someone physically. How well do you really know your partner? I daresay, not as well as you think. But of course, I know what you mean. Yes, it's easier to hide your true identity online than in person.

Bottom-line, don't close your options when it comes to finding a partner. But don't go in blind either, or you'd be in for very nasty surprises.

[innominate]

The thing about online relationships that I keep myself wary of is the fact that one's background can be completely sealed which is the major difference between online interaction and physical interaction.

Of course, behaviour, character, or perhaps even capability can be expressed through an online identity just as any other medium i.e. phone or even physical contact, but one thing you can never find out about the other party would be personal records of his or her life whatsoever. For all you know, you might be conversing with someone who was once drug dealer or something, meh.

In essence, I feel at the best an online relationship could only go so far as to understanding each other's present state of mind. I think, that's about it. I know many disagree with me, though.

[Otani-kun]

Originally Posted by Potatochobit

I don't want to make anyone cry in this thread so I'll just post *sigh*

*Grabs handkerchiefs* Dont worry, I wont. So tell us what you think about
it. x)

Originally Posted by -KarumA-

true, i wantd to do the same thing >.<

internet relationships dont always work out, its cool if you live near each other, even if it is 3-4 hours, thats is still nothing compared to people from other countries..
but what i do not like about them is that sometimes you just waste away your life behind a pc sending prsonal messages to each other that you normally talk about... what i dont like about it is that at some point you might figure out heck.. im already 22 or whatever and ive never actually been on dates.. more than once sine we only meet up once a year or shorter.. and i am missing out on my youth because i have responsibilities towards another person.. and it is always different in real life than when you chat to another, you can feel less embaressed to talk about certian things in a messenger screen than you are in real life.. let alone at first it is fun but you can miss your own freedom.. telling somone where you are going everyday is just to annoying for me to do... i hate being commited to telling someone everything you do.. specially if they then wyne about having to spend less time with you online..

If I feel that she's the love of my life, why would i want to go on dates? Not everyone has the same needs. I certainly dont feel like I'm missing out on anything. And we dont have to tell each other where we're going or what we do. That's something we choose to do, but it's definitely not a obligation.

Originally Posted by Anachronism

I can see how originally meeting a person through the Internet and then meeting them in person and beginning a relationship could work, but I don't see how a relationship that is actually only through the Internet would work. I know someone who declared he loved this girl he had only known from a forum and instant messaging who lives about a thousand miles away from him and they "dated" for over a year before they ever met in person. They both claim to still be in love even though they've only seen each other in person for a few days. I don't think I could do it but if it works for them then good for them.

I agree with you on that. I'm against internet-only relationships, it sounds and is fake. We're going to meet in December, and from there on a lot more of course. It sucks that we can't see each other a lot but we love each other and the few days that we do spend together is worth it for me.

Also, because it's easier to express your emotions on the internet, we've shown each other who we really are and what we're like. We also talk about ourselves and our backgrounds so we dont keep secrets from each other. The way I experienced all this tells me, that you can feel just as much for a person on the net als you could in real life. Feel free to try proving me wrong. x)

[Archideas]

Meh, I wish you luck mate. And yeah, *gasp* I posted on this forum for a change.

[Aoie_Emesai]

Originally Posted by Zaris

I met a lot of people in FFXI who got into relationships through that game. Some traveled halfway across the world to see them. Some even married. It happens in other games like World of Warcraft. It happens in community forums too. It's everywhere. I can accept it being real, but I still have difficulty understanding it.

I think when you encounter a facinating individual on the net, it's not so much that you're finding his/her avatar attractive (though it is a pattern I noticed in MMO players who got hitched; the tall, young, short-haired Elf could quite possibly be the tall, young, short-haired woman you imagined her to be), but more like the person's charm or charisma through the use and phrasing of words and lingo. They speak things that interest you, word writen dialogue that flows well in your mind. I think that's part of the attraction. The other part is wanting to see if the physicality of the individual compliments or contradicts the individual behind the keyboard. Does he live up to what he says? Or is he some hypocrite? That's my way of looking at it, and I think it works for some. Some like the mystery.

My co-worker lived in Hong Kong and met his Japanese wife in an MMO. They moved to America and now have an 11 month old daughter. They're very happy. I asked how the romance manifested itself and it was pretty much the way I made it out to be - through creative, charming wordplay. Words can be as sensual and defining as one's body, eye color, smell, or eating habits. Images that correspond to their posts (avatars, signatures, etc.) or an in-game character simply makes it easier people to visualize their personality. For some, it's probably all they need.

Personally, I don't see that kind of romance blossoming for me. I know all to well the hypocrisy people give online and the power of embodying a persona others can easily respond to so that they can satisfy their attention cravings. Fome and raikage say it best. The internet can be a unchivalrous place to be, and there's power that comes with not having your true face revealed.

Very well said, currently i'm talking to a person I've recently met on one of my MMORG an yahoo messenger. She really quite interesting to talk to. Sorta feels like i'm talking to myself, since we have such similar interest, expect those Korean Drama ^_^. I'm sorta glad I met her, and she's around my age too ^_^ *progression* *progression*

Originally Posted by Archideas

Meh, I wish you luck mate. And yeah, *gasp* I posted on this forum for a change.

Welcome to the Forums ^_^

[Spark]

I would be very wary about an online relationship unless you've met the person face to face. Just like others above have said, it's very easy for people to lie online. You really never do know who you're talking with. If you're going to participate in an online relationship, just always be prepared to expect the worst. I know, most people think 'it's never going to happen to me, this person isn't lieing .. I know them!'. But you'd be surprised. Every single one of my friends that I know in real life who have had an online relationship have been lied to.

Every single one.