Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[markesellus]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Spoiler for Fate's fear:

Nanoha groggily reached over on her nightstand and picked up her ringing cell phone. "H-hello?" Her words were soft, sleepy.

"Nanohaaaaaa," Fate's scared voice came into her ear quickly. "Help meeeee."

"What is it?" Nanoha sat up in bed quickly.

"There's a roach on my wall!"

Nanoha blinked. "A roach."

"Yes! And it's just sitting there looking at me!"

The brown haired girl fell back in bed. "Fate-chan, you called me at one in the morning to tell me there is a roach on your wall."

"It won't go away!" She insisted with a sniff. "Ahh! It moved!" She sniffed again and Nanoha could tell that the blond was almost crying. "Come kill it!"

"Just throw your shoe at it," Nanoha tried to compromise.

"It could fall on my bed!"

A laugh came from Nanoha before she could stop it. "Fate-chan, you are so weird." A whimper came back, making her sigh. "I'm sorry, you're really scared aren't you?"

"Yes!" Fate cried out. "I can't sleep, it won't leave me alone!"

Nanoha felt bad all at once, not really understanding that her friend was seriously upset over this problem. "Fate-chan, do you have any spray or something?"

"I can't spray it now, I'd cough and gag and die."

A face-palm. "Oh yeah, you don't get along with that stuff... um..."

"It's moving!" Fate screamed out. "Na-no-haaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa!" Her words broke.

"...Fine. I'm coming to save you from the evil bug."

"Thank you!" Fate sniffed heavily. "I'm sorry!"

"Don't be. I'll be there in a few minutes." Nanoha smiled lightly to herself and hung up her cell phone. 'I can't believe I'm going to fly across town to kill a bug.' Despite the weird feeling of doing it, a small tug still came to her lips. 'That girl is so gosh-darn cute sometimes.'

and BTW.......

Spoiler for Satashi is scared of bunnies:

Kimiko is the name of my rogue on WoW :3 She is also scared of bunnies :P

Eww! The roaches!!! That's my worst fear. In fact this same situation happened to me a couple days ago except worse! The roach...could FLY!! So then I screamed for my sister to kill it.

Originally Posted by Allquall

Spoiler for Chrono's Fear:

Chrono and Griffith laughed till tears ran down their face as they replayed the video of Nanoha chasing after Yunno in a clown suit.

“Pause it right there!” yelled Griffith, “Now rewind it about two seconds and play back at half speed.”

Chrono chuckled and obeyed. The two men sat spellbound as Vice’s video replayed in slow motion. The poor ferret changeling’s pitiful voice carried over Chrono’s speakers as they watched Yunno slowly turn around to face his assailant.

“NAAAAAAAAANOOOOOOOHAAAA!!”

They both winced as they watched Raising Heart pummel Yunno's groin.

“Oooooo,” the two men puckered in sympathetic pain while their hands unconsciously covered their laps. Then, they burst into laughter again when they heard Yunno’s blood curdling ‘girl-scream’ played at half speed.

“Should we forward this to Hayate?” Chrono said wiping his eyes when the video finished.

“Cert-“ Griffith could not control his laughter even though his sides were in pain, “Certainly!”

Chrono quickly forwarded a copy to Hayate and chuckled again, “That scream!”

Griffith and Chrono belly laughed at the memory of the poor man's suffering.

“No man deserves testicles if he screams like that,” laughed Griffith.

“Well, this is Yunno we’re talking about,” reasoned Chrono, “It’s not like he came into the world with both of his bags packed if you get my drift.”

The office door flew open with a bang, and both of the men turned quickly to see the intruder.

“Are you watching that horribly mean video of Yunno again?” yelled a furious Amy.

“Yeah! Want to see it in slo-mo?” Griffith replied.

“OUT!” commanded Amy pointing at the door, “GRIFFITH, OUT!”

“Fine,” answered Griffith before turning to Chrono, “Hey, Chrono, should I pick up some tampons for Medusa over here? Sounds like she’ll need them-OW!”

Amy’s mobile communicator struck Griffith in the head, and he stumbled out the door.

Chrono turned to angry wife, “Honey…”

“YOU!” she rounded on him, “You have been a bad boy, Admiral Chrono Harlaown.”

“Oh really?” Chrono relaxed.

“Mmm-hmm,” hummed Amy while an evil smile spread across her face, “And bad boys need to be punished.”

“Then, you better punish me well,” said Chrono as he stood from his chair and sauntered over to where Amy was with his face inches away from her, “’Cause I’m a very bad boy.

Chrono’s vision was immediately obscured by something dangling in front of his face. Chrono lurched back to see a long, thick, purple rod that Amy was holding in front of him by the straps at the end.

“Is that-“ Chrono gulped.

“Bend over,” commanded Amy.

“EEEEEEEEEEEK!” screamed Chrono in terror as he ran away.

The high-pitch scream sent the dogs of Mid-Childa into a frenzy, and Amy looked strangely satisfied.

“Did you get that, computer?” she asked the air smugly.

RECORDING COMPLETE.

“Save under name: ‘Chrono girly scream’ and send to Yunno and Hayate, please.”

YES, MISTRESS.

OMG! Lol, at the rod.

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Spoiler for Yuuno's Fear:

"Maybe the reason you don't stand a chance with Nanoha is these glasses," Hayate tapped her chin. "If we got rid of those then you might be able to seem less Feminine."

Yuuno shook his head, "No no I'm blind with out them."

Hayate grinned devilishly, "I'm sure you'll be fine," she moved towards him.

Yuuno backed up, "H-hey I told you I'm blind without them!"

"Come on let's have a look!"

Tears welled up in Yuuno's eyes. "B-but last time~"
~~~
Flashback

Yuuno was happily walking down the hall, looking for Nanoha so he could finally ask her out on a date. Just then someone bumpped into him from behind sending him and his glasses in opposite directions.

"I'm so sorry Yuuno-kun," Nanoha looked down at him.

"Glasses my glasses," Yuuno crawled around on the floor, squinting, searching for the eyewear not noticing the object of his affection. "Glasses glasses."

"Y-yuuno?"

"Glasses glasses."

"You're so adorable!" Nanoha's voice suddenly became very high pitched. "OMIGOD you're like some kind of blind puppy I want to take home or an adorable little brother."

Her words were like arrows in his heart.

~~~

Yuuno started to cry, "And she kept going MOE MOE MOE! I'm terrified what will happen if take them off again."

Hayate rubbed her chin, "Then the hair at least," She stripped him of his pony-tail.

Silence followed.

"OMIGOD YOU'RE A BISHIE!"

Yuuno ran screaming from the house.

Yuuno's fear: Fangirls

Lol, now all Hayate needs to do it catch him and make him try on different costumes.

[Kaix]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

No no RH

Chrono's Fear: Amy

Spoiler for Yuuno's Fear:

"Maybe the reason you don't stand a chance with Nanoha is these glasses," Hayate tapped her chin. "If we got rid of those then you might be able to seem less Feminine."

Yuuno shook his head, "No no I'm blind with out them."

Hayate grinned devilishly, "I'm sure you'll be fine," she moved towards him.

Yuuno backed up, "H-hey I told you I'm blind without them!"

"Come on let's have a look!"

Tears welled up in Yuuno's eyes. "B-but last time~"
~~~
Flashback

Yuuno was happily walking down the hall, looking for Nanoha so he could finally ask her out on a date. Just then someone bumpped into him from behind sending him and his glasses in opposite directions.

"I'm so sorry Yuuno-kun," Nanoha looked down at him.

"Glasses my glasses," Yuuno crawled around on the floor, squinting, searching for the eyewear not noticing the object of his affection. "Glasses glasses."

"Y-yuuno?"

"Glasses glasses."

"You're so adorable!" Nanoha's voice suddenly became very high pitched. "OMIGOD you're like some kind of blind puppy I want to take home or an adorable little brother."

Her words were like arrows in his heart.

~~~

Yuuno started to cry, "And she kept going MOE MOE MOE! I'm terrified what will happen if take them off again."

Hayate rubbed her chin, "Then the hair at least," She stripped him of his pony-tail.

Silence followed.

"OMIGOD YOU'RE A BISHIE!"

Yuuno ran screaming from the house.

Yuuno's fear: Fangirls

Yuuno as a bishie???? Nice job Hayate!

Originally Posted by AtomicoX

This is something I made just now and to my defense I will say that I was very bored.
It's a trailer or preview of FotR, with only text and music. No effects outside fading. The point is to bring forward some kind of feeling with the text. I don't know if I succeeded or not, that's up to you to decide. Don't take it too serious

Spoiler for Video:

The music was well placed and the text timing was appropriate with it, but it gets boring after about the first minute. Boring is not exactly the best word though, slowly loosing interest I think would be a better way to put it. Also, the feelings displayed felt deep in an apocalyptic/mass destruction way, but for me, there were a few parts where the way the text sounded, sort of distracted from that feeling. It wasn't sounding/looking right.

I would edit the text a little, rephrasing some stuff. My suggestion:

Spoiler for How I see it:

Green - all right
Red - problem
Blue - rephrasing suggestion

The sight of blood and mangled flesh...

The smell of burning bodies...

I don't know how many times it has been now...

I guess I'm used to it...

But when they take away your loved ones...

And the enemy shows no mercy or regret... - this is the line I had most conflict with, probably with the words 'enemy' and 'and' (the meaning gets carried across from the previous lines, so I think they aren't needed): Showing no mercy or regret.

Do you know what I do? - This line should feel more inviting (do we want to read?): Want to know what I do?

I fight back - It needs a ' . ' at the end: I fight back.

Showing no mercy or regret...

If that's how they want to do it... - That's how they want to do it...

They should be prepared...

Here I come... - I don't know who is speaking, but this line feels very much like something 'Here I come... I just need to cross the street to get to you.' I still don't know how great the sense of urgency is in FotR, but I think it's not that simple. This needs to sound more like a warning, something about how they will eventually get what is waiting for them from, whoever is narrating the trailer (Personally, I think it's Fate xD): I will come.

Fate of the Reapers

There are probably better ways to put it, but this is just my suggestion.

If you're to add images and stuff between them, I think you need to overlay some fast paced music fragments when the images show. I'm seeing something like a Mass Effect vision, but less gross.

My two cents.

[Evil Rick]

Chapter 76

Final Chapter

Spoiler for Choise:

"No, NO! That's ridiculous! Nanoha is dead, it's all over!" I screamed tring to convence Karil

"No, Vivio, it's not over" She said while pointing the machine who was still active "Listen, if you don't kill me or destroy the machine, it will destroy the world! But if you activate it, you will also be able to stop it, there is no salavation for me, but you still can save yourself, quick, you must kill me"

"No! I never, I will destroy the machine and we will die together!" I choised this with all my heart, if Karil, my last and only friend, family member had to die, then I shall die along with her

"Vivio, listen, I will die and I will become a lost Soul, my soul will be traped here forever, if you die here, the same will hapen to you" This words totally destroyed my herat, so I wasn't going to be able to stay with my beloved Karil even after dead? We will never going to be together?

"Karil... you are all that I have... please... don't make me do this, please!" My face get fulled with tears

"If you love me, then do it... please" She also started to cry, there was no other choise,

"I love you..." I said looking at her, with en enormus suffering, I rised my Axe, puting it behind me, ready to be launched against my dear Karil

"I love you too... Vivio..." Karil closed her eyes, and she just stayed there, witing to recive the deadly hit

I closed my eyes too, and launched the Axe, but aftter release it from my hands, I turned to the machine, my Axe flought and smashed the core of the Arm of Sin, the machine started to make a horrible sound, life metal being crushed, Karil opened her eyes and looked at the machine "What have you done?" I quickly ran at her and huged her "Always together, no matter in wich sircunstances, Alway together!" I said holding her head againstmine

"Vivio..." She huged me to and we bouth closed our eyes, hearing the machine tearing apart, loud explotions and pices falling, but then, in an instant, silence, I didn't fell anything,I just keeped huging Karil with all my strenght, Was I dead?

I decided to open my eyes,very slow, I saw snow, broken walls of rock and the big and beautifull Sun rising at the blue Sky, Wew were again in the clod mountains from were Nanoha opened the portal to the Hell

"What?" Karil said while opening her eyes too "How did we...?" Karil didn't finished the question because she noticed that something was wrong with me,and indeed something was very wrong with me

I started to feel a horrible pain in my heart, I colapsed, it was the curse, the dead of Nanoha didn't stoped it, I was turning into a demon

"Vivio! Vivio!" Karil screamed while holding me

"Get... get away from me!" I screamed

"Wha... Why?!"

"I... I will turn in an inmstant into a demon... I will attack you... run, just run"

"No, no way! I will not leave you, I will not leave you like this!"

"You don't... understeand... just... Run before I... UGH!!!!" My arm tried to hurt Karil, she jumped back to avoid it, I was loosing control of my body,I had to do something, I looked aroun and I spoted the gun of Sky,probably he droped it in our showdown, I extended my hand and grbed it pointing it agains my head, there was no other choise

"Vivio, NOOOO!!!" Karil screamed and ran at me with the intention to stop me, but I kicked launching Karil at the floor "I love you Karil" I repeated one more time and placed the my finger in the triller in order to suicide myself when I suddenly felt that a hand pulled the gun away from me, it wasn't Karil, I turned and saw a familiar face, little Nanoha

Before I could do anything, little Nanoha launched the gun away and kissed me in my forehead, I felt something very strange on my body, it didn't hurt, it felt reall... soft, like a warm calm going through all my body, when little Nanoha pulled her lips away from my forehead, I felt myself very good, the pain disaperaed, I looked at my hand, the claws had disapeared, I was a human again! The curse of the Slaves has gonne!

Little Nanoha huged me with strengh "Thanks" that was all that she said before disapearing into a white mist who slowly rised to the skyes heared laughs, luaghs of Happines who joined that white mist, I inmediatly knew, the souls of Nanoha's Victims were free, all was finally over

"Vivio?" Karil asked slowly aproachin at me, I looked at her and smiling I replyed "It's all over, Kareil it's finally all over!" I quickly standed and huged her, she do the same, we were laughing an hugin each oter like 5 yers old girls, I felt so happy, but then Karil looked at my face and stoped

"What? What is it?" I asked a bit worried, she just replyed "Your eyes..."

"What's wrong with them?" I asked even more worried,Karil searched in her pocket and pulled out a little mirror, she gave it to me, I inmediatly looked at my reflection

Although one of my eyes had recovered his usual green color, the other was still red, not glowing, just with a red color, I had now a green eye and a red eye

"I think you look pretty" Karil giggled, I droped the mirror and laughed too huging her again whe we heared a familiar voice

"Vivio!" I turned and saw Black Wolfness along with Raphael, thei'r clothes were scratched and they had some raspons, but they both were alive

"Raphael, what happened to all the demons?" I asked

"They just... disapeared a few moments ago" Black Wolfness replyed, Rapahel just stayed looking at Karil, hiding his happiness of see her alive, I turned at Karil and said to her

"Karil,listen, Raphael is..." Before I could reveal Karil the truth, Raphael interrupted me saing

"... He is very sorry for wht he did to you in the past... I'm really sorry Karil" My friend just nooded, I understeand the message, it was better for Karil to don't know, Rapahel looked to Black Wolfness and said to her

"We must inform Dr. Van Hellsing that th so called White Devil is finally dead and that her plans to activate the arm of sin were frustrated by the Paladin Vivio Valentine... but also, that the Vatican Paladin Vivio Valentine and the Regulator Karil Lightstar both died during the battle"

We look each other really confused, Raphel then aproached to us and removed the belts on our necks, he placed his hand on my shoulder and said

"You are free, start a new life, away from demons and weapons, life in peace from now on" He placed a bag fulled with pices of silver on my hand, Karil and me, we both were free!

I jumped at Raphael and huged him, we were free, we wouldn't be forced to fight again! It was all over!

Rapahel pathed our heads and along with Black Wolfness he walked away, I grabed Karil from her hand and walked in the opsite direction

"Now what" Karil asked Huging my arm

"I don't know" I replyed "The important is, that we will be together" I kissed her forehead and keeped walking

The Sun was above us, and an entire life together in our front

The End

Spoiler for Words from the author:

Wow, I don't know what to say ^^;

76 chapters, I felt myself very happy but also very sad, more happy than sad that's for sure

Well, I just want to thanks all for reading Vatican Knights and for suporting my crazy ideas really, thank you guys!!!

I will bring you more fics, and more crazy ideas, as long as you like them, I will keep writing

Spoiler for A present for the fans of Vatican Knights ^.^:

With no more to say...

Thankyou all!!!

[Kaix]

Marathoning anime is unhealthy.

Spoiler for Rozen Breaker:

Rozen Breaker

Yuuno Scrya, chief librarian of the Infinite Library, adjusted the glasses on his nose as he sat at the desk from his office reading files over files of work related reports. A small screen popped open to his right, informing him that he had just received a new message.

“Congratulations, you have been selected as one of the few and lucky people who shall receive a once in a lifetime opportunity for a special life-changing prize. Please fill the following form with either ‘yes’ or ‘okay’.” Yuuno read out loud the received message. Although not recognizing the sender, he wrote a quick ‘yes’ on the form, then shoved the screen away and returned to his work.

A full five minutes later, the boy turned around as he heard some noise behind him and was surprised to see a large brown suitcase in the middle of his office, although having not felt any kind of teleportation magic. If the sudden appearance of the suitcase there made him surprised, its contents totally freaked him out. The box opened by itself and a small person came out.

“Na…Nanoha?” he asked the figure, approaching it cautiously.

“You shall address me as White Devil-sama from now on.” The girl spoke, and Yuuno could only nod as Raising Heart was pointed towards his nose. Although it was considerably smaller than its real counterpart, he didn’t want to doubt its destructive capabilities. His mind was racing like crazy. What could have happened to Nanoha?

“Mother… where is mother?” a voice came from the window and Yuuno was surprised to see Fate, a tiny Fate, standing there. To make matters even worse, she and Nanoha engaged in a small skirmish, without even getting provoked by anything.

He tried to go stop the two friends from fighting and consequently destroying his office, but the door opened and he was relieved to see Zafira in his wolf form, with Vivio. The relief vanished when he saw that Vivio was smaller than usual. Although she was usually small, now she was half her size.

“Uncle Yuuno! Zaffy said you can give me unyuu! I want unyuu!” the little girl cried, running to the now speechless Yuuno.

Before he could say anything, something smashed the window and another suitcase came crashing in and tumbling on the floor. A very excited small Hayate flew out of it and jumped-hugged the small Nanoha and small Fate.

“Sekuhara ~ desu!” Hayate shouted all over the room.

Another suitcase flew through the remaining unbroken window and Signum came out of it. The small knight was left only to watch the madness that had ensued in Yuuno’s office. Pink beams were flying everywhere, objects were being thrown around, people were shouting, arguing and laughing, and the only thing the librarian could still do, was let pout a loud and painful scream as a very angry Hayate stepped on his foot because he hadn’t left her alone and tried to stop her with whatever she was doing.

~

Yuuno awoke by his own scream. ‘What a dream…’ he said idly while rubbing his eyes. He had fallen asleep on his desk. The clock besides him told him that it was getting late and he decided to head home for the day, looking forward to forgetting the awkward dream. He moved his hand to wipe the drool that had unfortunately fallen on the table, but his motion stopped mid air as he could see with the corner of his eye something resembling a brown suitcase with golden rose patterns on top, lying on the floor idly…

To be continued…

(Actually not)

Now, before I get shot...
*hides in the depths of Dark Space*

----------------

@Evil Rick: <- That's all I can say for now! Nice logo!
I'm all smiles from that ending, it was awesome. I'll put out a decent comment (probably a longer one than usual ) after I eat breakfast.

Vivio with a green and red eye? I think I know now where that came from.

Congratulations!

[markesellus]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Chapter 76

Final Chapter

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's over!! I'm so sad...but so happy. I thought it was a cool twist making the one eye green and one red. That was a nice touch. Though I have a question, Why were some of the words completely capitalized? Was there a point to that? I love the drawing! Though Jasper looks all alone...but Alphonse and Helga are so cute. I like how its by the Gargoyle where they all hang out. So now Vivio and Karil are free to live their life. That was nice of Raphael, I don't hate him anymore.

Congrats EvilRick, the journey was long (76 chapters!! Wow!) but awesome! Looking forward to Vita Shadows of the Past.

@KaitheReaper: Yuuno is really going through a lot of trouble lately. Lol, love it.

[Kaix]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Chapter 76

Final Chapter

Spoiler for Choise:

"No, NO! That's ridiculous! Nanoha is dead, it's all over!" I screamed tring to convence Karil

"No, Vivio, it's not over" She said while pointing the machine who was still active "Listen, if you don't kill me or destroy the machine, it will destroy the world! But if you activate it, you will also be able to stop it, there is no salavation for me, but you still can save yourself, quick, you must kill me"

"No! I never, I will destroy the machine and we will die together!" I choised this with all my heart, if Karil, my last and only friend, family member still aliove, then I shall die along with her

"Vivio, listen, I will die and I will become a lost Soul, my soul will be traped here forever, if you die here, the same will hapen to you" This words totally destroyed my herat, so I wasn't going to be able to stay with my beloved Karil even after dead? We will never going to be together?

"Karil... you are all that I have... please... don't make me do this, please!" My face get fulled with tears

"If you love me, then do it... please" She also started to cry, there was no other choise,

"I love you..." I said looking at her, with en enormus suffering, I rised my Axe, puting it behind me, ready to be launched against my dear Karil

"I love you too... Vivio..." Karil closed her eyes, and she just stayed there, witing to recive the deadly hit

I closed my eyes too, and launched the Axe, but aftter release it from my hands, I turned to the machine, my Axe flought and smashed the core of the Arm of Sin, the machine started to make a horrible sound, life metal being crushed, Karil opened her eyes and looked at the machine "What have you done?" I quickly ran at her and huged her "Always together, no matter in wich sircunstances, Alway together!" I said holding her head againstmine

"Vivio..." She huged me to and we bouth closed our eyes, hearing the machine tearing apart, loud explotions and pices falling, but then, in an instant, silence, I didn't fell anything,I just keeped huging Karil with all my strenght, Was I dead?

I decided to open my eyes,very slow, I saw snow, broken walls of rock and the big and beautifull Sun rising at the blue Sky, Wew were again in the clod mountains from were Nanoha opened the portal to the Hell

"What?" Karil said while opening her eyes too "How did we...?" Karil didn't finished the question because she noticed that something was wrong with me,and indeed something was very wrong with me

I started to feel a horrible pain in my heart, I colapsed, it was the curse, the dead of Nanoha didn't stoped it, I was turning into a demon

"Vivio! Vivio!" Karil screamed while holding me

"Get... get away from me!" I screamed

"Wha... Why?!"

"I... I will turn in an inmstant into a demon... I will attack you... run, just run"

"No, no way! I will not leave you, I will not leave you like this!"

"You don't... understeand... just... Run before I... UGH!!!!" My arm tried to hurt Karil, shejumped back to avoid it, I was loosing control of my body,I had to do something, I looked aroun and I spoted the gun of Sky,probably he droped it in our showdown, I extended my hand and grbed it pointing it agains my head, there was no other choise

"Vivio, NOOOO!!!" Karil screamed and ran at me with the intention to stop me, but I kickedlaunching Karil at the floor "I love you Karil" I repeated one more time and placed the my finger in the triller in order to suicide myselfwhen I suddenly Ifelt that a hand pulled the gun away from me, it wasn't Karil, I turned and saw a familiar face, little Nanoha

Before I could do anything, little Nanoha launched the gun away and kissed me in my forehead, I felt something very strange on my body, it didn't hurt, it felt reall... soft, like a warm calm going through all my body, when little Nanoha pulled her lips away from my forehead, I felt myself very good, the pain disaperaed, I looked at my hand, the claws had disapeared, I was a human again! The curse of the Slaves has gonne!

Little Nanoha huged me with strengh "Thanks" that was all that she said before disapearing into a white mist WHO SLOWLY RISED TO THE SKYES, I heared laughs, luaghs of Happines who joined that white mist, I inmediatly knew, the souls of Nanoha's Victims were free, all was finally over

"Vivio?" Karil asked slowly aproachin at me, I looked at her and smiling I replyed "It's all over, Kareil it's finally all over!" I quickly standed and huged her, she do the same, we were laughing an hugin each oter like 5 yers old girls, I felt so happy, BUT THEN, vIVIO LOOKED AT MY FACE AND SHE STOPED

"What? What is it?" I asked a bit worried, she just replyed "Your eyes..."

"What's wrong with them?" I asked even more worried,Karil searched in her pocket and pulled out a little mirror, she gave it to me, I inmediatly looked at my reflection

Although one of my eyes had recovered his usual green color, the other was still red, not glowing, just with a red color, I had now a green eye and a red eye

"I think you look pretty" Karil giggled, I droped the mirror and laughed too huging her again whe we heared a familiar voice

"Vivio!" I turned and saw Black Wolfness along with Raphael, thei'r clothes were scratched and they had some raspons, but they both were alive

"Raphael, what happened to all the demons?" I asked

"They just... disapeared a few moments ago" Black Wolfness replyed, Rapahel just stayed looking at Karil, hiding his happiness of see her alive, I turned at Karil and said to her

"Karil,listen, Raphael is..." Before I could reveal Karil the truth, Raphael interrupted me saing

"... He is very sorry for wht he did to you in the past... I'm really sorry Karil" My friend just nooded, I understeand the message, it was better for Karil to don't know, Rapahel looked to Black Wolfness and said to her

"We must inform Dr. Van Hellsing that th so called White Devil is finally dead and that her plans to activate the arm of sin were frustrated by the Paladin Vivio Valentine... but also, that the Vatican Paladin Vivio Valentine and the Regulator Karil Lightstar both died during the battle"

We look each other really confused, Raphel then aproached to us and removed the belts on our necks, he placed his hand on my shoulder and said

"You are free, start a new life, away from demons and weapons, life in peace from now on" He placed a bag fulled with pices of silver on my hand, Karil and me, we both were free!

I jumped at Raphael and huged him, we were free, we wouldn't be forced to fight again! It was all over!

Rapahel pathed our heads and along with Black Wolfness he walked away, I grabed Karil from her hand and walked in the opsite direction

"Now what" Karil asked Huging my arm

"I don't know" I replyed "The imortant is, that we will be together" I kissed her forehead and keeped walking

The Sun was above us, and an entire life together in our front

The End

Spoiler for Words from the author:

Wow, I don't know what to say ^^;

76 chapters, I felt myself very happy but also very sad, more happy than sad that's for sure

Well, I just want to thanks all for reading Vatican Knights and for suporting my crazy ideas really, thank you guys!!!

I will bring you more fics, and more crazy ideas, as long as you like them, I will keep writing

Spoiler for A present for the fans of Vatican Knights ^.^:

With no more to say...

Thankyou all!!!

After rereading the ending and skimming through the other chapters again, I can confidently say I loved every second of Vatican Knights! I'm sad to see it end, but the ending left me all smiling (I'm still smiling from it!) I had really gotten used to it, waking up in the morning and finding a new chapter to read... it was really something to look forward to.

I think the greatest part was probably the characters. It was easy to get attached to them or hate them. Vivio was really awesome because she felt like a continuously growing character. Ending up putting a gun to her head just so that she wouldn't hurt Karil really showed how much she had grown during the whole story. It was impressive.

The second greatest part was probably the suspense and surprise. Not only did the chapters provide quite a great amount of suspense, which lots of situations where the characters escaped by pure luck, but the surprises were epic. Characters dieing, truths being revealed, nothing was missing.

Third, but not last, the drawings! The drawings were one of the most helpful things from the whole story! Besides the cinematic descriptions, the drawings were the main factor that helped visualise the scenes and 'see' the monsters and everything. Not to mention there were a LOT of monsters.

One (actually the only) problem was the occasional grammar mistakes and typos, along with misspellings that made the story occasionally hard to read because it was hard to understand, but it's just a minor detail, compared to the epic scale of the whole thing.

The most I liked the ending. Truthfully, I wasn't expecting it to end in a happy way, but it was a pleasant surprise. That drawing with all the characters is awesome. Helga and Alphonse look so cute together, the same as with Vivio and Karil. I think Jasper sitting alone like that sort of catches his character.

Congratulations Evil Rick for making such an awesome story! And thank you for making such an awesome story and giving such a good reading experience.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by markesellus

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's over!! I'm so sad...but so happy. I thought it was a cool twist making the one eye green and one red. That was a nice touch. Though I have a question, Why were some of the words completely capitalized? Was there a point to that? I love the drawing! Though Jasper looks all alone...but Alphonse and Helga are so cute. I like how its by the Gargoyle where they all hang out. So now Vivio and Karil are free to live their life. That was nice of Raphael, I don't hate him anymore.

Congrats EvilRick, the journey was long (76 chapters!! Wow!) but awesome! Looking forward to Vita Shadows of the Past.

@KaitheReaper: Yuuno is really going through a lot of trouble lately. Lol, love it.

Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper

After rereading the ending and skimming through the other chapters again, I can confidently say I loved every second of Vatican Knights! I'm sad to see it end, but the ending left me all smiling (I'm still smiling from it!) I had really gotten used to it, waking up in the morning and finding a new chapter to read... it was really something to look forward to.

I think the greatest part was probably the characters. It was easy to get attached to them or hate them. Vivio was really awesome because she felt like a continuously growing character. Ending up putting a gun to her head just so that she wouldn't hurt Karil really showed how much she had grown during the whole story. It was impressive.

The second greatest part was probably the suspense and surprise. Not only did the chapters provide quite a great amount of suspense, which lots of situations where the characters escaped by pure luck, but the surprises were epic. Characters dieing, truths being revealed, nothing was missing.

Third, but not last, the drawings! The drawings were one of the most helpful things from the whole story! Besides the cinematic descriptions, the drawings were the main factor that helped visualise the scenes and 'see' the monsters and everything. Not to mention there were a LOT of monsters.

One (actually the only) problem was the occasional grammar mistakes and typos, along with misspellings that made the story occasionally hard to read because it was hard to understand, but it's just a minor detail, compared to the epic scale of the whole thing.

The most I liked the ending. Truthfully, I wasn't expecting it to end in a happy way, but it was a pleasant surprise. That drawing with all the characters is awesome. Helga and Alphonse look so cute together, the same as with Vivio and Karil. I think Jasper sitting alone like that sort of catches his character.

Congratulations Evil Rick for making such an awesome story! And thank you for making such an awesome story and giving such a good reading experience.

T3T

Beautifull words, thanks again guys,you 2 were always backuping me with this fic
Thanks again for to all the thread for allowing me post my stories here

And special thanks to Satashi for linking the chapters XD

Vita Shadows of the past will arrive soon

PD: marksellus, that capitalyzed words were a little mistake that I alredy fixed

[Advent000]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Chapter 76

Final Chapter

Spoiler for Choise:

"No, NO! That's ridiculous! Nanoha is dead, it's all over!" I screamed tring to convence Karil

"No, Vivio, it's not over" She said while pointing the machine who was still active "Listen, if you don't kill me or destroy the machine, it will destroy the world! But if you activate it, you will also be able to stop it, there is no salavation for me, but you still can save yourself, quick, you must kill me"

"No! I never, I will destroy the machine and we will die together!" I choised this with all my heart, if Karil, my last and only friend, family member still aliove, then I shall die along with her

"Vivio, listen, I will die and I will become a lost Soul, my soul will be traped here forever, if you die here, the same will hapen to you" This words totally destroyed my herat, so I wasn't going to be able to stay with my beloved Karil even after dead? We will never going to be together?

"Karil... you are all that I have... please... don't make me do this, please!" My face get fulled with tears

"If you love me, then do it... please" She also started to cry, there was no other choise,

"I love you..." I said looking at her, with en enormus suffering, I rised my Axe, puting it behind me, ready to be launched against my dear Karil

"I love you too... Vivio..." Karil closed her eyes, and she just stayed there, witing to recive the deadly hit

I closed my eyes too, and launched the Axe, but aftter release it from my hands, I turned to the machine, my Axe flought and smashed the core of the Arm of Sin, the machine started to make a horrible sound, life metal being crushed, Karil opened her eyes and looked at the machine "What have you done?" I quickly ran at her and huged her "Always together, no matter in wich sircunstances, Alway together!" I said holding her head againstmine

"Vivio..." She huged me to and we bouth closed our eyes, hearing the machine tearing apart, loud explotions and pices falling, but then, in an instant, silence, I didn't fell anything,I just keeped huging Karil with all my strenght, Was I dead?

I decided to open my eyes,very slow, I saw snow, broken walls of rock and the big and beautifull Sun rising at the blue Sky, Wew were again in the clod mountains from were Nanoha opened the portal to the Hell

"What?" Karil said while opening her eyes too "How did we...?" Karil didn't finished the question because she noticed that something was wrong with me,and indeed something was very wrong with me

I started to feel a horrible pain in my heart, I colapsed, it was the curse, the dead of Nanoha didn't stoped it, I was turning into a demon

"Vivio! Vivio!" Karil screamed while holding me

"Get... get away from me!" I screamed

"Wha... Why?!"

"I... I will turn in an inmstant into a demon... I will attack you... run, just run"

"No, no way! I will not leave you, I will not leave you like this!"

"You don't... understeand... just... Run before I... UGH!!!!" My arm tried to hurt Karil, she jumped back to avoid it, I was loosing control of my body,I had to do something, I looked aroun and I spoted the gun of Sky,probably he droped it in our showdown, I extended my hand and grbed it pointing it agains my head, there was no other choise

"Vivio, NOOOO!!!" Karil screamed and ran at me with the intention to stop me, but I kicked launching Karil at the floor "I love you Karil" I repeated one more time and placed the my finger in the triller in order to suicide myself when I suddenly felt that a hand pulled the gun away from me, it wasn't Karil, I turned and saw a familiar face, little Nanoha

Before I could do anything, little Nanoha launched the gun away and kissed me in my forehead, I felt something very strange on my body, it didn't hurt, it felt reall... soft, like a warm calm going through all my body, when little Nanoha pulled her lips away from my forehead, I felt myself very good, the pain disaperaed, I looked at my hand, the claws had disapeared, I was a human again! The curse of the Slaves has gonne!

Little Nanoha huged me with strengh "Thanks" that was all that she said before disapearing into a white mist who slowly rised to the skyes heared laughs, luaghs of Happines who joined that white mist, I inmediatly knew, the souls of Nanoha's Victims were free, all was finally over

"Vivio?" Karil asked slowly aproachin at me, I looked at her and smiling I replyed "It's all over, Kareil it's finally all over!" I quickly standed and huged her, she do the same, we were laughing an hugin each oter like 5 yers old girls, I felt so happy, but then Karil looked at my face and stoped

"What? What is it?" I asked a bit worried, she just replyed "Your eyes..."

"What's wrong with them?" I asked even more worried,Karil searched in her pocket and pulled out a little mirror, she gave it to me, I inmediatly looked at my reflection

Although one of my eyes had recovered his usual green color, the other was still red, not glowing, just with a red color, I had now a green eye and a red eye

"I think you look pretty" Karil giggled, I droped the mirror and laughed too huging her again whe we heared a familiar voice

"Vivio!" I turned and saw Black Wolfness along with Raphael, thei'r clothes were scratched and they had some raspons, but they both were alive

"Raphael, what happened to all the demons?" I asked

"They just... disapeared a few moments ago" Black Wolfness replyed, Rapahel just stayed looking at Karil, hiding his happiness of see her alive, I turned at Karil and said to her

"Karil,listen, Raphael is..." Before I could reveal Karil the truth, Raphael interrupted me saing

"... He is very sorry for wht he did to you in the past... I'm really sorry Karil" My friend just nooded, I understeand the message, it was better for Karil to don't know, Rapahel looked to Black Wolfness and said to her

"We must inform Dr. Van Hellsing that th so called White Devil is finally dead and that her plans to activate the arm of sin were frustrated by the Paladin Vivio Valentine... but also, that the Vatican Paladin Vivio Valentine and the Regulator Karil Lightstar both died during the battle"

We look each other really confused, Raphel then aproached to us and removed the belts on our necks, he placed his hand on my shoulder and said

"You are free, start a new life, away from demons and weapons, life in peace from now on" He placed a bag fulled with pices of silver on my hand, Karil and me, we both were free!

I jumped at Raphael and huged him, we were free, we wouldn't be forced to fight again! It was all over!

Rapahel pathed our heads and along with Black Wolfness he walked away, I grabed Karil from her hand and walked in the opsite direction

"Now what" Karil asked Huging my arm

"I don't know" I replyed "The important is, that we will be together" I kissed her forehead and keeped walking

The Sun was above us, and an entire life together in our front

The End

Spoiler for Words from the author:

Wow, I don't know what to say ^^;

76 chapters, I felt myself very happy but also very sad, more happy than sad that's for sure

Well, I just want to thanks all for reading Vatican Knights and for suporting my crazy ideas really, thank you guys!!!

I will bring you more fics, and more crazy ideas, as long as you like them, I will keep writing

Spoiler for A present for the fans of Vatican Knights ^.^:

With no more to say...

Thankyou all!!!

Really enjoyed this, kinda sad that its over, but it was a great ending.

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper

The music was well placed and the text timing was appropriate with it, but it gets boring after about the first minute. Boring is not exactly the best word though, slowly loosing interest I think would be a better way to put it. Also, the feelings displayed felt deep in an apocalyptic/mass destruction way, but for me, there were a few parts where the way the text sounded, sort of distracted from that feeling. It wasn't sounding/looking right.

I would edit the text a little, rephrasing some stuff. My suggestion:

Spoiler for How I see it:

There are probably better ways to put it, but this is just my suggestion.

If you're to add images and stuff between them, I think you need to overlay some fast paced music fragments when the images show. I'm seeing something like a Mass Effect vision, but less gross.

My two cents.

I agree with everything you said, now when you point it out. It's too long and the text feels...strange in a few places. I'll d o better next time...if there is a next time

[Preston]

Just finished Vegas Stakes Chapter Two. Was away for the weekend so had to leave it two thirds read on Friday. Liked it a lot, looking forward to continuation. I'm certainly interested in where things are heading.

And clowns have quite the capability to be scary; I can certainly sympathise with Nanoha. Anyone read/seen Stephen King's IT? Ah, that gave me an idea for a random amusing short. Fate reads 'IT' to Nanoha (or watches it with her). Maybe when Halloween comes around.

[Allquall]

Originally Posted by Preston

And clowns have quite the capability to be scary; I can certainly sympathise with Nanoha. Anyone read/seen Stephen King's IT? Ah, that gave me an idea for a random amusing short. Fate reads 'IT' to Nanoha (or watches it with her). Maybe when Halloween comes around.

What can I do to entice you to write this before Halloween? I love this idea! Do it!

Nanoha would never enter a shower again! "Raising Heart! Monitor the drain!"

[Preston]

Originally Posted by Allquall

What can I do to entice you to write this before Halloween? I love this idea! Do it!

Nanoha would never enter a shower again! "Raising Heart! Monitor the drain!"

Eh heh... okay. I think I'll have them watch rather than read it as that only requires I check the film again and not the entire book. And it would also mean Nanoha's attention would be on the TV and not Fate...

EDIT: Well, my memory of the film is somewhat flimsy, but I just set about acquiring it once again. Regardless, here's the introduction (I was bored ):

Spoiler for Nanoha + Fate + Stephen King's 'It' = ?.1:

“Nanoha~” chirruped Fate in greeting.

Nanoha looked her over. “Fate, you’re hiding something.”

Fate smiled and removed a DVD case from behind her back. “I brought a film we can watch together.”

“What kind of film?” asked Nanoha slowly. “Yuri?” She grinned.

Fate sighed. “No. You agreed to limit watching that with me to once a week, and today is not Saturday. I’m too tired during the school week to do what you want to do afterwards.”

Nanoha grabbed Fate by the arm and pulled her inside, off the street, slamming the front door behind them. “Don’t talk so loud, Fate!” she exclaimed. “And in public, too. Anyway, what have you brought to watch, exactly?”

Grinning an un-interpretably mysterious grin, Fate flicked the case open and held it up so Nanoha could see the disk inside. Fate had cunningly removed the DVD cover insert so not to put Nanoha off watching it.

Nanoha read the clear silver lettering. Stephen King’s It.

“What is it about?” she asked cautiously.

“It’s, ah, a horror film, Nanoha,” Fate spoke to the floor.

“Eh-? Horror?” cried Nanoha. “Fate likes horror? First yuri, now this.” Her eyes narrowed. “What else are you hiding from me?”

Fate chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not hiding anything from you, Nanoha. So, will you watch it with me?”

“I’m not sure… I haven’t watched a horror movie before… and I don’t think I’d like it,” replied Nanoha, slowly.

“Aw~ is Nanoha-chan afraid?”

Nanoha frowned. “No, Fate, I just don’t think I’d enjoy it…”

“I’ll be here to protect you from the scary things, Nanoha,” said Fate, and stuck out her tongue.

“Well… just so long as… wait- are there any clowns in this film of yours?”

“Um…” Fate paused. She didn’t want to lie to Nanoha. “There is… but just one,” she answered slowly.

Nanoha looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I… don’t like… clowns, Fate.”

She thinks I don’t know? Fate smiled inwardly. “You’re scared of clowns, Nanoha?”

“Just… a bit.”

“Well, how about a bet?”

“A bet?”

“Yep. If you manage to sit through the whole thing, Nanoha, I’ll…”

“Do anything I want tonight?”

“Eh… heheh… Nanoha…”

“And if I don’t watch the whole thing, Fate, I’ll just cuddle for… a week.”

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!” Nanoha sounded appalled. “Oh… um… okay.”

Fate grinned. She knew she was going to win. Oh you just wait, Nanoha.

“Agreed. But we’re going to have to wait until it gets dark; we can’t watch a horror film while it’s still light.”

Nanoha looked unsure. “O- ok.”

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper

Marathoning anime is unhealthy.

Spoiler for Rozen Breaker:

Rozen Breaker

Yuuno Scrya, chief librarian of the Infinite Library, adjusted the glasses on his nose as he sat at the desk from his office reading files over files of work related reports. A small screen popped open to his right, informing him that he had just received a new message.

“Congratulations, you have been selected as one of the few and lucky people who shall receive a once in a lifetime opportunity for a special life-changing prize. Please fill the following form with either ‘yes’ or ‘okay’.” Yuuno read out loud the received message. Although not recognizing the sender, he wrote a quick ‘yes’ on the form, then shoved the screen away and returned to his work.

A full five minutes later, the boy turned around as he heard some noise behind him and was surprised to see a large brown suitcase in the middle of his office, although having not felt any kind of teleportation magic. If the sudden appearance of the suitcase there made him surprised, its contents totally freaked him out. The box opened by itself and a small person came out.

“Na…Nanoha?” he asked the figure, approaching it cautiously.

“You shall address me as White Devil-sama from now on.” The girl spoke, and Yuuno could only nod as Raising Heart was pointed towards his nose. Although it was considerably smaller than its real counterpart, he didn’t want to doubt its destructive capabilities. His mind was racing like crazy. What could have happened to Nanoha?

“Mother… where is mother?” a voice came from the window and Yuuno was surprised to see Fate, a tiny Fate, standing there. To make matters even worse, she and Nanoha engaged in a small skirmish, without even getting provoked by anything.

He tried to go stop the two friends from fighting and consequently destroying his office, but the door opened and he was relieved to see Zafira in his wolf form, with Vivio. The relief vanished when he saw that Vivio was smaller than usual. Although she was usually small, now she was half her size.

“Uncle Yuuno! Zaffy said you can give me unyuu! I want unyuu!” the little girl cried, running to the now speechless Yuuno.

Before he could say anything, something smashed the window and another suitcase came crashing in and tumbling on the floor. A very excited small Hayate flew out of it and jumped-hugged the small Nanoha and small Fate.

“Sekuhara ~ desu!” Hayate shouted all over the room.

Another suitcase flew through the remaining unbroken window and Signum came out of it. The small knight was left only to watch the madness that had ensued in Yuuno’s office. Pink beams were flying everywhere, objects were being thrown around, people were shouting, arguing and laughing, and the only thing the librarian could still do, was let pout a loud and painful scream as a very angry Hayate stepped on his foot because he hadn’t left her alone and tried to stop her with whatever she was doing.

~

Yuuno awoke by his own scream. ‘What a dream…’ he said idly while rubbing his eyes. He had fallen asleep on his desk. The clock besides him told him that it was getting late and he decided to head home for the day, looking forward to forgetting the awkward dream. He moved his hand to wipe the drool that had unfortunately fallen on the table, but his motion stopped mid air as he could see with the corner of his eye something resembling a brown suitcase with golden rose patterns on top, lying on the floor idly…

To be continued…

(Actually not)

Now, before I get shot...
*hides in the depths of Dark Space*

XD XD XD I like that it was either yes or okay XD.
You missed a couple though XD

Spoiler for missed it:

"I will get in~ kashira. I'm the smartest of all of us!" A tiny Vita hobbled up the massive amount of steps to get into Yuuno's apartment.

A tiny red glowing spot floated down by her head.

"What's that Graf Eisen? Everyone's there with out me!" The little red head's fist clenched. "I'll show them what happens when they do that~Kashira!"

Vita proceeded to hammer down Yuuno's door, destroying it completely and then went along and smashed a hole in his wall to get in. "I found you~Kashira!"

"Yay Vivi's here to have Unyu with us!" Vivio cheered.

"I am not!"

But she did anyway.

~~~

"What the hell's going on?" Yuuno cried out in the middle of his now destroyed apartment.

His mirror started shimmering and in it appeared Chrono, except he was in a suit and top hat... and he had bunny ears... and one of those cheap little bunny nose masks on. "This is the Lyrical game." He cleared his throat, "They're all trying to reach Mother."

"Hey you know what," Nanoha seemed to realize something. "It'll be faster if we work together and BLAST OUR WAY TO MOTHER!"

The other dolls cheered and they all went through the mirror and dragged a sobbing Yuuno along with them on their destructive rampage.

@ Evil_Rick CONGRATULATIONS!

[Saharet]

Originally Posted by Preston

Eh heh... okay. I think I'll have them watch rather than read it as that only requires I check the film again and not the entire book. And it would also mean Nanoha's attention would be on the TV and not Fate...

EDIT: Well, my memory of the film is somewhat flimsy, but I just set about acquiring it once again. Regardless, here's the introduction (I was bored ):

Spoiler for Nanoha + Fate + Stephen King's 'It' = ?.1:

“Nanoha~” chirruped Fate in greeting.

Nanoha looked her over. “Fate, you’re hiding something.”

Fate smiled and removed a DVD case from behind her back. “I brought a film we can watch together.”

“What kind of film?” asked Nanoha slowly. “Yuri?” She grinned.

Fate sighed. “No. You agreed to limit watching that with me to once a week, and today is not Saturday. I’m too tired during the school week to do what you want to do afterwards.”

Nanoha grabbed Fate by the arm and pulled her inside, off the street, slamming the front door behind them. “Don’t talk so loud, Fate!” she exclaimed. “And in public, too. Anyway, what have you brought to watch, exactly?”

Grinning an un-interpretably mysterious grin, Fate flicked the case open and held it up so Nanoha could see the disk inside. Fate had cunningly removed the DVD cover insert so not to put Nanoha off watching it.

Nanoha read the clear silver lettering. Stephen King’s It.

“What is it about?” she asked cautiously.

“It’s, ah, a horror film, Nanoha,” Fate spoke to the floor.

“Eh-? Horror?” cried Nanoha. “Fate likes horror? First yuri, now this.” Her eyes narrowed. “What else are you hiding from me?”

Fate chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not hiding anything from you, Nanoha. So, will you watch it with me?”

“I’m not sure… I haven’t watched a horror movie before… and I don’t think I’d like it,” replied Nanoha, slowly.

“Aw~ is Nanoha-chan afraid?”

Nanoha frowned. “No, Fate, I just don’t think I’d enjoy it…”

“I’ll be here to protect you from the scary things, Nanoha,” said Fate, and stuck out her tongue.

“Well… just so long as… wait- are there any clowns in this film of yours?”

“Um…” Fate paused. She didn’t want to lie to Nanoha. “There is… but just one,” she answered slowly.

Nanoha looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I… don’t like… clowns, Fate.”

She thinks I don’t know? Fate smiled inwardly. “You’re scared of clowns, Nanoha?”

“Just… a bit.”

“Well, how about a bet?”

“A bet?”

“Yep. If you manage to sit through the whole thing, Nanoha, I’ll…”

“Do anything I want tonight?”

“Eh… heheh… Nanoha…”

“And if I don’t watch the whole thing, Fate, I’ll just cuddle for… a week.”

“Two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!” Nanoha sounded appalled. “Oh… um… okay.”

Fate grinned. She knew she was going to win. Oh you just wait, Nanoha.

“Agreed. But we’re going to have to wait until it gets dark; we can’t watch a horror film while it’s still light.”

Nanoha looked unsure. “O- ok.”

I wanna see what happens! :3 (lol at the yuri movies )

[Satashi]

New story~

Emerald Eyes!

Spoiler for NSFW text:

Yes, it has Emerald in front of it, so it's a lemon :P It's Vivio/Syn. Unlike my normal ones, this one is kind of more focused on the act rather than the description of it. I went for a completely different thing than normal this time, so don't expect it to be like my other Emeralds. Whereas Nanoha and Fate are generally soft touching and loving, this story is about two teenagers who are happy, outgoing, and comfortable with each other. This is not the first time they ever made love so they are more open about it.

Summary: The day before Vivio and Syn are to take the test to increase their official mage rankings. Not ones to worry over it, the two spend a playful time together in Vivio's empty house.

Rating: X. It isn't vivid, nor is it really "graphic", but it's still sex, so I rated it as such.

Link: It is forbidden to link to lemon stories directly, so here is my mediaminer account (no this won't go on FF.N) http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/src.php/u/161241 .It's at the top, Emerald Eyes.

Here is Syn's profile ( Made by Keroko). It has pictures of her too :P

Enjoy ^_^

you can leave your reviews or comments here if you want ^^

[NorthernFallout]

@Satashi: Well, as I said in FFC I think it was pretty good, but I mentioned that the ending was..empty. I think I know why I said that.
Since you haven't written this as you normally do I didn't switch over. I guess I'm used to your writing style that you normally use.

Good thing I cleared that up, I usually don't know how to explain myself in similar situations *facedesk*

[Black_Wolf]

Originally Posted by Satashi

New story~

Emerald Eyes!

Spoiler for NSFW text:

Yes, it has Emerald in front of it, so it's a lemon :P It's Vivio/Syn. Unlike my normal ones, this one is kind of more focused on the act rather than the description of it. I went for a completely different thing than normal this time, so don't expect it to be like my other Emeralds. Whereas Nanoha and Fate are generally soft touching and loving, this story is about two teenagers who are happy, outgoing, and comfortable with each other. This is not the first time they ever made love so they are more open about it.

Summary: The day before Vivio and Syn are to take the test to increase their official mage rankings. Not ones to worry over it, the two spend a playful time together in Vivio's empty house.

Rating: X. It isn't vivid, nor is it really "graphic", but it's still sex, so I rated it as such.

Link: It is forbidden to link to lemon stories directly, so here is my mediaminer account (no this won't go on FF.N) http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/src.php/u/161241 .It's at the top, Emerald Eyes.

Here is Syn's profile ( Made by Keroko). It has pictures of her too :P

Enjoy ^_^

you can leave your reviews or comments here if you want ^^

I don't know what it is with the Vivio/Syn pairing craze lately, but it really seems to work for some reason. Syn and Vivio seem to be a really good match. I don't know if its simply because there is such a large scope to be able to change Vivio's character to be what authors want as there is no "Canon" personality. Syn is also a very good OC, i love the drawings in the profile.

Anyway about the story itself. I definitely like the whole teenage playfulness thing going on. You wrote it well in that there was confidence in each of the characters and they were comfortable in the situation, to a reasonable extent, but thats simply regurgitating what you wanted it to be anyway.

I agree with AX to some extent on the ending, but then again you mention its part of a larger fic? and its meant to be taken as a a slightly larger snapshot if anything.

After re-reading it, i really can't find anything to criticize! without taking it out of context of what it is, a short playful snippet. Just simply that its nicely done and that I:

Spoiler for .:

DO WANT MORE SYN/VIVIO!!!

[Preston]

All questions concerning the fiction will be answered eventually as the story progresses. At least, I hope they will. Here is part two. I will say, however, that they (and I refer to existing MGLN characters) all know each other in some capacity.

SWAT!Fate

Spoiler for Part II:

2.35PM
Nexus Commercial Bank
Lobby

“You,” shouted Signum, jabbing her finger toward Shamal. “There are four large blue bags that were delivered this morning by courier in the staff’s lounge. Bring them here, two at a time.”

Shamal climbed to her feet, nodded, and set off.

A moment later she had returned with the both sets of bags, dropping them in front of Signum. Signum nodded and indicated she should stand with the others before spinning the strap on her gun, so the rifle rested on her back, and kneeling down. She unzipped both bags and began pulling folded grey clothing from them, dumping them in a pile upon the floor.

“Ok, everyone, we want you to get changed into these clothes that we are generously providing,” said Zafira. “So, start getting undressed.”

People looked at one another before begrudgingly beginning to remove their outer garments, and were handed in turn a grey boiler suit, and a balaclava identical to those worn by their captors. Several minutes passed before every hostage was changed, and they all presently stood in large clusters, looking indistinguishable from one another. Signum pulled a few toy AKs from the bottom of the bags, which looked at distance as authentic as the one she had strapped to her back, as well as ten pieces of body armour.

Nanoha and her team pulled on the armour before handing the remaining ones out at random to those similarly proportioned to themselves in the crowd of hostages. Those who got some armour were also given a toy gun and instructed to mimic their captor’s movements unless otherwise notified.

“Perfect,” said Nanoha, pleased. “Now, we have to wait until the vault’s timer is disengaged. This time should be used to barricade the front entrances; this is the only convenient entry point for a CT unit, and we need to discourage them from using any easy entrance route bar the one we want them to. Vita, it’s time for you to do as planned.”

Vita nodded, clicked her Glocks safety on before pocketing it, and set off to the offices above the lobby.

∞

2.40PM
SWAT Armoured Rescue Vehicle
En Route to Crime Scene

Fate adjusted her goggles and mask so they sat as comfortably as was possible, and turned to face her squad.

Team Red sat to her left, Tia and Subaru, and Team Blue to her right, Erio and Caro.

Their briefing was broadcast to them via radio, and routed through the ARV’s speaker system.

“We have a tough call-out here. Approximately forty minutes ago at fourteen hundred hours several heavily armed individuals took control of the Nexus Commercial Bank. We believe there are four suspects. Surveillance has managed to gather a number of either hostages or suspects are wearing body armour, but we cannot be sure of their identities. I must stress that you do not fire until fired upon. They do not however, appear to be in possession of gas masks, so deployment of CS gas should be considered effective deterrent.”

The voice paused while facts were checked.

“They have not presently made any demands and the only communication with the negotiator has been to say that any approach to the bank by police forces will result in the execution of one hostage. No request for an extraction vehicle has been made. It appears they are focused on gaining access to the bank vault, which operates on a timer, thus they can make no move on the vault until sixteen hundred hours. This means that they will be entirely focused on barricading themselves until that time, and that any move on the front of the bank will result in heavy casualties. Also, any appearance of SWAT is likely to make them feel uncomfortable, regardless of whether you approach or not. Thus, you will keep out of sight until if and when the decision is made to go tactical.”

Another pause.

“CCTV footage inside and out of the bank has been cut off, but we have gathered from CCTV footage taken from the main entrance of the bank who should presently be inside. The file held by your team captain has captures taken from this footage showing to some degree who entered but did not exit the bank up to twenty minutes before control was seized by the suspects. The file also details all employees of the bank that should be on duty today. However, due to the fact that the suspects have now also dressed the hostages in the same attire they are wearing, we cannot be sure who is a suspect and who is not. Not only does this mean that we have no idea who the suspects are, but neither can we utilise snipers, and you must carry less than lethal secondary weapons. That’s all from us. Good luck.”

It was Fate’s turn to speak.

“I want everyone to familiarise themselves with the layout of the building. We cannot identify suspect from hostage, but I still wish everyone to at least memorise the employees presently on duty, although we cannot rule out that one or more could be collaborating with the suspects. As for our load out…”

She paused and sighed.

“I want the Alphas, Tia and Erio, to carry MP5s with noise suppressors, and the Bravos, Subaru and Caro, Nova Pumps. Alphas use FMJ rounds, Bravos, twelve gauge; we have potentially armoured suspects. Everyone should forget stingers; I want you to have two CS grenades and two flashbangs each. The Bravos should carry an Optiwand each, and the Alphas a door wedge each. Everyone should carry breaching charges.”

Fate turned her attention to the card file she held in her hands, and opened it. She took out some poor quality printouts of captures from the CCTV footage taken before the bank’s security systems were switched off. Looking carefully at each, she scrutinised the faces of the few distinguishable people. Reaching the last picture, she saw something that dredged up old, abandoned feelings.

That hair, tied back just so… That posture… Those eyes.

Forcefully forgotten memories that she didn’t want flooded back.

This is not possible.

∞

3.55PM
Nexus Commercial Bank
Outside Bank Vault

“Is everything in place upstairs, Vita?” asked Nanoha, her voice sweet.

Vita nodded.

“And, Signum, is the lobby ready?”

“It is.”

“Well, in five minutes we’ll be able to crack this vault. Vita, have some of the hostages come down to assist me in emptying this thing. And have Signum bring the manager down. Signum, you better head back up to the lobby and ensure Zafira is ready. Make sure he understands that when the negotiator inevitably attempts to contact us to see how our raid on the vault went, and to offer a vehicle for extraction, that he make a number of threats against hostages, and then a lot of noise. Just see that no-one gets hurt, okay?”

∞

4.12PM
SWAT Command Post, Outside Nexus Commercial Bank
Decision Made to Go Tactical

“Right, gunshots were heard from within the bank three minutes ago after a negotiator failed to regain contact with the suspects. The hostages are now believed to be in great danger, and the subsequent decision to go tactical has been made. We are going in. I’ve selected the roof as our entry point; a police chopper will be here any minute to get us up there. We’ll be rappelling down,” said Fate to her team, her tone urgent.

They all nodded to her in response. After Fate’s attention turned to the skies, Subaru looked at Tia, and Caro at Erio.

Subaru spoke to her close friend first. “I’ll be watching out for you, Tia.”

“And I for you. Don’t get shot. And don’t, whatever you do, shoot me with that Nova.”

“Poor Tia still can’t make a joke.” Subaru would have stuck out her tongue if her mouth wasn’t covered by a gas mask.

Erio patted Caro on the back. “You okay?” he asked.

Caro checked her shotgun, then her gear, and nodded. “Fate is an experienced team leader. We’ll be fine.”

A police helicopter descended, creating much noise and a roaring wind. The team of five clambered into it, before being whisked into the sky.

The helicopter circled the bank’s roof once. Fate patted the pilot’s shoulder. “Vice, it’s clear. Take us down.”

Fate rappelled down onto the bank’s roof with Tia and Erio, who were quickly followed by Subaru and Caro. As soon as they were down, the cables were released from the helicopter, and Vice took it off and away.

“Element, stack up on that door,” commanded Fate.

The team moved up to the staircase door that would lead down into the bank. Tia and Erio were up front, on either side of the door, with their suppressed MP5s, and stood closely behind covering them with identical shotguns were Subaru and Caro. Tia tried the lock. “Door is locked. Confirm breach?”

Fate readied herself to dive in just behind Tia once they made entry. “Negative, mirror under the door, and then pick the lock.”

Subaru came forward, switching to her Optiwand, which she unfolded before sticking the camera under the door and rotating it so the attached screen displayed the staircase. “Stair case is clear.” She moved back into place and switched back to her shotgun.

Tia hung her gun across her front, took her kit from her belt and picked the lock in seconds. “Lock picked.”

“Enter and clear,” said Fate.

Erio took the door handle and pushed the door open, and at once Tia was through, gun pointing around the corner, followed by Fate, and then Erio, Subaru, and at the back, Caro. They descended to the floor below, pausing before stepping out into the carpeted corridor.

“Caro and Subaru, mirror around both corners. Alphas, provide cover.”

Both directions were checked.

“View is clear.”

“Clear to the left also. Only one door here.”

“Red, stack up on the door. Blue, cover the corridor behind us.”

Erio and Caro moved out in the corridor, and Tia and Subaru moved up to the door.

“Door is unlocked.”

“Mirror under the door.”

“One suspect.”

“Open, deploy CS, and follow it in.”

Tia opened the door, Subaru pulled the pin from one of her CS gas grenades and threw it in, and Fate rushed past them. They followed her at once.

The suspect coughed and gagged.

“Drop the weapon!” screamed Fate. “Hands in the air!”

“OK, OK!” cried the suspect, dropping their gun and falling to their knees. “I’m not one of them; they told me to stay in here with this thing!”

Fate rolled her eyes. “Tia, restrain him.”

Tia nodded and slung her submachine gun across her front, withdrew some restraints from her pocket, and tied the suspect’s hands.

Fate spoke into her radio. “Command, we have a restrained suspect here…“ A tap on her back interrupted her. “Ah, just a moment.”

She turned around, only to face a worried Subaru holding the suspect’s weapon.

“Captain, it’s plastic. It’s a toy.”

Fate closed her eyes. Great. We have ourselves false suspects.

“Command, it seems the suspect was equipped with a toy weapon. This must be a trick to deter us from firing upon alleged suspects.” Fate turned to her team. “Make sure to check your damned targets, okay?”

[wanwan1203]

Originally Posted by Satashi

New story~

Emerald Eyes!

Spoiler for NSFW text:

Yes, it has Emerald in front of it, so it's a lemon :P It's Vivio/Syn. Unlike my normal ones, this one is kind of more focused on the act rather than the description of it. I went for a completely different thing than normal this time, so don't expect it to be like my other Emeralds. Whereas Nanoha and Fate are generally soft touching and loving, this story is about two teenagers who are happy, outgoing, and comfortable with each other. This is not the first time they ever made love so they are more open about it.

Summary: The day before Vivio and Syn are to take the test to increase their official mage rankings. Not ones to worry over it, the two spend a playful time together in Vivio's empty house.

Rating: X. It isn't vivid, nor is it really "graphic", but it's still sex, so I rated it as such.

Link: It is forbidden to link to lemon stories directly, so here is my mediaminer account (no this won't go on FF.N) http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/src.php/u/161241 .It's at the top, Emerald Eyes.

Here is Syn's profile ( Made by Keroko). It has pictures of her too :P

Enjoy ^_^

you can leave your reviews or comments here if you want ^^

...........
................o///////////////////////////////////////////o
omg... >////////////////<
@.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@
@.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@ @.@

i....i...i-....i--... o/////o

th-that was umm most certainly...umm very interesting... indeed.. yeah... yeah that.. @_@

Spoiler for there are no forward slashes in this one:

it was very playful alright. just synxvivio having fun but you can still see that they care about each other. I was giggling while reading this, if not blushing a little..well more than a little. and lol the magic futa pills made it to the fic XD. hmm an excerpt from a larger story? want!!!! ^^

edit (off-topic):
*just found out that one of her favorite on-going stories in ff.net was deleted by the author (non-MGLN)*
and just like that my mood changed.. sigh... i understand that author-san's "heart wasn't in it anymore" and that it's his/her choice if she wants to do that but sigh... what a loss... one of the better written fics gone just like that.. must be tough being an author.. *huggles the authors in the thread*

[Raging Heart]

Originally Posted by Preston

All questions concerning the fiction will be answered eventually as the story progresses. At least, I hope they will. Here is part two. I will say, however, that they (and I refer to existing MGLN characters) all know each other in some capacity.

SWAT!Fate

Spoiler for Part II:

2.35PM
Nexus Commercial Bank
Lobby

“You,” shouted Signum, jabbing her finger toward Shamal. “There are four large blue bags that were delivered this morning by courier in the staff’s lounge. Bring them here, two at a time.”

Shamal climbed to her feet, nodded, and set off.

A moment later she had returned with the both sets of bags, dropping them in front of Signum. Signum nodded and indicated she should stand with the others before spinning the strap on her gun, so the rifle rested on her back, and kneeling down. She unzipped both bags and began pulling folded grey clothing from them, dumping them in a pile upon the floor.

“Ok, everyone, we want you to get changed into these clothes that we are generously providing,” said Zafira. “So, start getting undressed.”

People looked at one another before begrudgingly beginning to remove their outer garments, and were handed in turn a grey boiler suit, and a balaclava identical to those worn by their captors. Several minutes passed before every hostage was changed, and they all presently stood in large clusters, looking indistinguishable from one another. Signum pulled a few toy AKs from the bottom of the bags, which looked at distance as authentic as the one she had strapped to her back, as well as ten pieces of body armour.

Nanoha and her team pulled on the armour before handing the remaining ones out at random to those similarly proportioned to themselves in the crowd of hostages. Those who got some armour were also given a toy gun and instructed to mimic their captor’s movements unless otherwise notified.

“Perfect,” said Nanoha, pleased. “Now, we have to wait until the vault’s timer is disengaged. This time should be used to barricade the front entrances; this is the only convenient entry point for a CT unit, and we need to discourage them from using any easy entrance route bar the one we want them to. Vita, it’s time for you to do as planned.”

Vita nodded, clicked her Glocks safety on before pocketing it, and set off to the offices above the lobby.

∞

2.40PM
SWAT Armoured Rescue Vehicle
En Route to Crime Scene

Fate adjusted her goggles and mask so they sat as comfortably as was possible, and turned to face her squad.

Team Red sat to her left, Tia and Subaru, and Team Blue to her right, Erio and Caro.

Their briefing was broadcast to them via radio, and routed through the ARV’s speaker system.

“We have a tough call-out here. Approximately forty minutes ago at fourteen hundred hours several heavily armed individuals took control of the Nexus Commercial Bank. We believe there are four suspects. Surveillance has managed to gather a number of either hostages or suspects are wearing body armour, but we cannot be sure of their identities. I must stress that you do not fire until fired upon. They do not however, appear to be in possession of gas masks, so deployment of CS gas should be considered effective deterrent.”

The voice paused while facts were checked.

“They have not presently made any demands and the only communication with the negotiator has been to say that any approach to the bank by police forces will result in the execution of one hostage. No request for an extraction vehicle has been made. It appears they are focused on gaining access to the bank vault, which operates on a timer, thus they can make no move on the vault until sixteen hundred hours. This means that they will be entirely focused on barricading themselves until that time, and that any move on the front of the bank will result in heavy casualties. Also, any appearance of SWAT is likely to make them feel uncomfortable, regardless of whether you approach or not. Thus, you will keep out of sight until if and when the decision is made to go tactical.”

Another pause.

“CCTV footage inside and out of the bank has been cut off, but we have gathered from CCTV footage taken from the main entrance of the bank who should presently be inside. The file held by your team captain has captures taken from this footage showing to some degree who entered but did not exit the bank up to twenty minutes before control was seized by the suspects. The file also details all employees of the bank that should be on duty today. However, due to the fact that the suspects have now also dressed the hostages in the same attire they are wearing, we cannot be sure who is a suspect and who is not. Not only does this mean that we have no idea who the suspects are, but neither can we utilise snipers, and you must carry less than lethal secondary weapons. That’s all from us. Good luck.”

It was Fate’s turn to speak.

“I want everyone to familiarise themselves with the layout of the building. We cannot identify suspect from hostage, but I still wish everyone to at least memorise the employees presently on duty, although we cannot rule out that one or more could be collaborating with the suspects. As for our load out…”

She paused and sighed.

“I want the Alphas, Tia and Erio, to carry MP5s with noise suppressors, and the Bravos, Subaru and Caro, Nova Pumps. Alphas use FMJ rounds, Bravos, twelve gauge; we have potentially armoured suspects. Everyone should forget stingers; I want you to have two CS grenades and two flashbangs each. The Bravos should carry an Optiwand each, and the Alphas a door wedge each. Everyone should carry breaching charges.”

Fate turned her attention to the card file she held in her hands, and opened it. She took out some poor quality printouts of captures from the CCTV footage taken before the bank’s security systems were switched off. Looking carefully at each, she scrutinised the faces of the few distinguishable people. Reaching the last picture, she saw something that dredged up old, abandoned feelings.

That hair, tied back just so… That posture… Those eyes.

Forcefully forgotten memories that she didn’t want flooded back.

This is not possible.

∞

3.55PM
Nexus Commercial Bank
Outside Bank Vault

“Is everything in place upstairs, Vita?” asked Nanoha, her voice sweet.

Vita nodded.

“And, Signum, is the lobby ready?”

“It is.”

“Well, in five minutes we’ll be able to crack this vault. Vita, have some of the hostages come down to assist me in emptying this thing. And have Signum bring the manager down. Signum, you better head back up to the lobby and ensure Zafira is ready. Make sure he understands that when the negotiator inevitably attempts to contact us to see how our raid on the vault went, and to offer a vehicle for extraction, that he make a number of threats against hostages, and then a lot of noise. Just see that no-one gets hurt, okay?”

∞

4.12PM
SWAT Command Post, Outside Nexus Commercial Bank
Decision Made to Go Tactical

“Right, gunshots were heard from within the bank three minutes ago after a negotiator failed to regain contact with the suspects. The hostages are now believed to be in great danger, and the subsequent decision to go tactical has been made. We are going in. I’ve selected the roof as our entry point; a police chopper will be here any minute to get us up there. We’ll be rappelling down,” said Fate to her team, her tone urgent.

They all nodded to her in response. After Fate’s attention turned to the skies, Subaru looked at Tia, and Caro at Erio.

Subaru spoke to her close friend first. “I’ll be watching out for you, Tia.”

“And I for you. Don’t get shot. And don’t, whatever you do, shoot me with that Nova.”

“Poor Tia still can’t make a joke.” Subaru would have stuck out her tongue if her mouth wasn’t covered by a gas mask.

Erio patted Caro on the back. “You okay?” he asked.

Caro checked her shotgun, then her gear, and nodded. “Fate is an experienced team leader. We’ll be fine.”

A police helicopter descended, creating much noise and a roaring wind. The team of five clambered into it, before being whisked into the sky.

The helicopter circled the bank’s roof once. Fate patted the pilot’s shoulder. “Vice, it’s clear. Take us down.”

Fate rappelled down onto the bank’s roof with Tia and Erio, who were quickly followed by Subaru and Caro. As soon as they were down, the cables were released from the helicopter, and Vice took it off and away.

“Element, stack up on that door,” commanded Fate.

The team moved up to the staircase door that would lead down into the bank. Tia and Erio were up front, on either side of the door, with their suppressed MP5s, and stood closely behind covering them with identical shotguns were Subaru and Caro. Tia tried the lock. “Door is locked. Confirm breach?”

Fate readied herself to dive in just behind Tia once they made entry. “Negative, mirror under the door, and then pick the lock.”

Subaru came forward, switching to her Optiwand, which she unfolded before sticking the camera under the door and rotating it so the attached screen displayed the staircase. “Stair case is clear.” She moved back into place and switched back to her shotgun.

Tia hung her gun across her front, took her kit from her belt and picked the lock in seconds. “Lock picked.”

“Enter and clear,” said Fate.

Erio took the door handle and pushed the door open, and at once Tia was through, gun pointing around the corner, followed by Fate, and then Erio, Subaru, and at the back, Caro. They descended to the floor below, pausing before stepping out into the carpeted corridor.

“Caro and Subaru, mirror around both corners. Alphas, provide cover.”

Both directions were checked.

“View is clear.”

“Clear to the left also. Only one door here.”

“Red, stack up on the door. Blue, cover the corridor behind us.”

Erio and Caro moved out in the corridor, and Tia and Subaru moved up to the door.

“Door is unlocked.”

“Mirror under the door.”

“One suspect.”

“Open, deploy CS, and follow it in.”

Tia opened the door, Subaru pulled the pin from one of her CS gas grenades and threw it in, and Fate rushed past them. They followed her at once.

The suspect coughed and gagged.

“Drop the weapon!” screamed Fate. “Hands in the air!”

“OK, OK!” cried the suspect, dropping their gun and falling to their knees. “I’m not one of them; they told me to stay in here with this thing!”

Fate rolled her eyes. “Tia, restrain him.”

Tia nodded and slung her submachine gun across her front, withdrew some restraints from her pocket, and tied the suspect’s hands.

Fate spoke into her radio. “Command, we have a restrained suspect here…“ A tap on her back interrupted her. “Ah, just a moment.”

She turned around, only to face a worried Subaru holding the suspect’s weapon.

“Captain, it’s plastic. It’s a toy.”

Fate closed her eyes. Great. We have ourselves false suspects.

“Command, it seems the suspect was equipped with a toy weapon. This must be a trick to deter us from firing upon alleged suspects.” Fate turned to her team. “Make sure to check your damned targets, okay?”

nicely done, Fate in action, my dream come true, lolz.
anyway you done it well.



@Satashi: i have to say this, you suprised me.

@Black_wolf: i agree with, indeed Syn is good OC, all thanks to Keroko who brought for us Syn. ^_^