AnimeSuki Forums

blitz1/2 · 2011-10-03, 22:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

It seems fine to me, they're reaction might seem a bit overboard to some but considering what they went through then I can let that go. Why were they in IS academy anyway? Actually let me rephrase that question; Why were they there and NOT shooting it to high heaven? They seem really eager on doing it in the early chapters.

Side note- Do you want me to beta for you? I'd like to help if you do

The problem is that I don't know where Zero is. He's not on the forum, neither is he on the Fanfiction PM thing, but I did send him a document, if he was not done with the fight scene with the thugs, I basically wrote it for him.

Eratas123 · 2011-10-03, 22:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by blitz1/2

The problem is that I don't know where Zero is. He's not on the forum, neither is he on the Fanfiction PM thing, but I did send him a document, if he was not done with the fight scene with the thugs, I basically wrote it for him.

He's probably busy with college or something, he still logs on at abput 6 pm from where I am.

DarkJak2050 · 2011-10-03, 22:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

It seems fine to me, they're reaction might seem a bit overboard to some but considering what they went through then I can let that go. Why were they in IS academy anyway? Actually let me rephrase that question; Why were they there and NOT shooting it to high heaven? They seem really eager on doing it in the early chapters.

Side note- Do you want me to beta for you? I'd like to help if you do

To be honest, that scene is something that I just made up. If they were going to IS Academy, it would be a lot further into Project Silverback. And you'll find out why they're at IS Academy as the story goes on. But that's if things go right for Alpha Squad.

Eratas123 · 2011-10-03, 23:06

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkJak2050

To be honest, that scene is something that I just made up. If they were going to IS Academy, it would be a lot further into Project Silverback. And you'll find out why they're at IS Academy as the story goes on. But that's if things go right for Alpha Squad.

Does this mean that you have no plans of stopping? We barely have any fics in the archive so if you stop then it's gonna get even fewer.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-10-03, 23:32

Zero here reporting, Sir!

Chapter 9 is about 80%, ETC (Estimated Time of Completion) is in 3-6 hours, today there's some convenient meeting between mentors in my Campus and I went home early as result. And now I'm going Trans Am.

Because my Brother took the modem I had, I had to rely on internet cafe, sorry for the late update.

Eratas123 · 2011-10-03, 23:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

Zero here reporting, Sir!

Chapter 9 is about 80%, ETC (Estimated Time of Completion) is in 3-6 hours, today there's some convenient meeting between mentors in my Campus and I went home early as result. And now I'm going Trans Am.

Because my Brother took the modem I had, I had to rely on internet cafe, sorry for the late update.

Damn you update fast! I'm still in the intro of chapter 4

I'm stuck on deciding on how Ichika will save Cecilia

Do you have any ideas?

ZeroXSEED · 2011-10-03, 23:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Damn you update fast! I'm still in the intro of chapter 4

I'm stuck on deciding on how Ichika will save Cecilia

Do you have any ideas?

@Eratas:
I'm just going to read the chapter 3 now, see if I can help with chapter 4 later.

@Blitz:
The fight scene is for Chapter 10 during Gotanda arc. I've read it and it was damn good.

EDIT: @ Eratas I mean the chapter 4 prologue several pages back, sorry.

MeisterBabylon · 2011-10-04, 00:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@MeisterBabylon- I imagined that Irish was already on the floor by the time of the Speech but she was distracted by talking so he managed to sneak throw a grenade.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@I know the IS itself is nigh invulnerable bit the pilot itself isn't. The point of Irish's fighting style is sneaking around and weakening the shield long enough for the pilot to be exposed. Since the IS has no armor on the pilots body then it would be possible to shoot them directly. Notice I said that he threw a chaff grenade rather than a regular one, I know the IS shield is trong but I doubt it's unlimited, a continued barrage by jammers should be enough to at least weaken it.

I'm having a hard time trying to imagine what could lead to this and therefore this setup? Though there's also problem of situational awareness, why wouldn't Karon just throw the grenade back, and then why would Karon in an IS be attacking Irish and Kyuukai, who don't have these weapons?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@Btw- I can buy someone seeing the potential of the space suit and reverse engineering it early, It's one of the reasons the war started in the first place. Phantom Task existed even befre the events of infinite stratos and they seem smart enough to see the potential and reverse engineer a space suit that can be used only by women.

I see... Though you know what I think? Tabane. She made the Metropolis, she made the latest generation of Schwarzehase. And she's now supplying Phantom Task with cores that she made on the sly. Because once everyone has IS, not only will the chance of finding ISpers increase, once everyone has IS the Alaska Treaty falls apart and she'd be free to do whatever she wants. Even now, as she's running around giving out IS cores in shadowy ways, be it Phantom Task or the Organizations, people are worshipping her more and more...

It would even further her plans to have started your shadow war as well. Because when you create an antagonist to IS development, you instigate an arms race and hence more progress in IS development.

In the mean time, she has Three Diagram and Shooting Star running around cleaning up spills and program offshoots as a result of her actions (though they too don't know the full picture).

Yes, I believe that the real Tabane is a psychopath, but she's so smart she's gonna get away with it...

...until her pawns turn on her that is. And even then, are things still going according to her plan? Did she do all this, and eventually implicate herself, just so that IS can be found everywhere and her forever remembered as a god?

Scary thought, isn't it?

ZeroXSEED · 2011-10-04, 00:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

Yes, I believe that the real Tabane is a psychopath, but she's so smart she's gonna get away with it...

...until her pawns turn on her that is. And even then, are things still going according to her plan? Did she do all this, and eventually implicate herself, just so that IS can be found everywhere and her forever remembered as a god?

Scary thought, isn't it?

I have this feeling that this is really Canon.

Eratas123 · 2011-10-04, 00:33

@MeisterBabylon- It's more of a case of Irish attacking her rather than the other way around. Most likely I'll have him be tricked by someone into thinking she read his mind and is planning to spread his secret so he rashly chooses to attack her. He is a former terrorist so he exhibits symptoms of paranoia and agression. She's not attacking Kyuukai, just a paranoid Irish. I'd Imagine Karon would use the suit and non-lethally try to take down Irish. By the way, Chaff grenades explode on contact so they can't be thrown back

I also planned to use Tabane as the main antagonist in the early draft, I can't now because I've already included Kyuukai Tokiwa as a main protagonist and having his mother figure turn into the big bad will look like a really dick move. I do plan to have Irish and him butt heads on this since he hates Tabane for building the Infinite Stratos while Kyuukai defends her by saying she was trying to help the world get better and is trying to make up for it. Basically it's an Idealism (Kyuukai) Vs Cynicism (Irish) arguement. Just because they're the three protags doesn't mean they have to be buddies.

@Zero- Any Idea's so far Zero?

DarkJak2050 · 2011-10-04, 01:43

Please, no content from the IS Light Novels on this thread. As far as Vol. 5-7 goes.

Now, for another question. How did I do on Ratchet's Personality and Traits?

It kinda feels like that I'm actually putting more work into his than the others.

Here's a part from Ch. 2 of Project Silverback as an example.

Spoiler for Ratchet's Personality/Traits:

I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. Remember, Ratchet's suppose to be the Negative/Sarcastic and, sometimes, unkind type. But he does have a caring side to those who are close to him.

ZeroXSEED · 2011-10-04, 01:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkJak2050

Please, no content from the IS Light Novels on this thread. As far as Vol. 5-7 goes.

Rhetorical question, but....

Why?

DarkJak2050 · 2011-10-04, 01:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

Rhetorical question, but....

Why?

I haven't read them yet...

Eratas123 · 2011-10-04, 02:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkJak2050

Please, no content from the IS Light Novels on this thread. As far as Vol. 5-7 goes.

Now, for another question. How did I do on Ratchet's Personality and Traits?

It kinda feels like that I'm actually putting more work into his than the others.

Here's a part from Ch. 2 of Project Silverback as an example.

Spoiler for Ratchet's Personality/Traits:

I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. Remember, Ratchet's suppose to be the Negative/Sarcastic and, sometimes, unkind type. But he does have a caring side to those who are close to him.

Ratchet seems a bit too emotional to be the negative/sarcastic type I was expecting something more like this.

Clay: Ratchet is that you.

Ratchet: No it's the easter bunny, who do you think it is?

Or something like.

Clay: Hey, look at those girls playing.

Ratchet: Oh great, first the closet and now an arcade game. Are they stalking memor something?

Hot shot seems more sarcastic than he does truth be told, Ratchet always seems to yell out or be emotional when he says things rather than be negative/sarcastic about it.

DarkJak2050 · 2011-10-04, 02:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Ratchet seems a bit too emotional to be the negative/sarcastic type I was expecting something more like this.

Clay: Ratchet is that you.

Ratchet: No it's the easter bunny, who do you think it is?

Or something like.

Clay: Hey, look at those girls playing.

Ratchet: Oh great, first the closet and now an arcade game. Are they stalking memor something?

Hot shot seems more sarcastic than he does truth be told, Ratchet always seems to yell out or be emotional when he says things rather than be negative/sarcastic about it.

Hmm, maybe I chose the wrong part for an example...

Eratas123 · 2011-10-04, 04:29

*Reading Infinite Stratos wiki about IS academy* "IS academy has a very high security system due to the fact that every potential pilot is valuable, it's therefore very hard to enter and is equipped to defend itself from outside attack. *Remembers the two golem attacks, the attack during cannonball fast, the Valkyrie trace incident and the attack by Arachne* Right~ IS Academy sounds like they're doing a great job with their security.

wavehawk · 2011-10-04, 04:50

Help me a bit here. I wrote this part to start off the second part of my fic with <Ren> (Yes, I still have no title because I'll be reworking it before it goes to FF.net!), but I'm not sure if this will be accepted by the readers or if it'll tick them off. My probalem is trying to write <Ren> into the story without adversely affectign what's going to happen in Chapter 5 or the LN, and I need honest reviews:

Just fyi this is very alpha first draft and I need to rewrite it when I can, but I need opinions and fast. Am I pulling Tatenashi in a bit too early? And since I've not read enough of Vol.5 I don't know if I'm portrayign her wrongly...

Spoiler:

Eratas123 · 2011-10-04, 05:00

Tatenashi's Character seems good enough by itself, it still seems odd that she's intentionally harassing <Ren> over something that obviously seems personal to her. She seems more of the type to innocently tease people but stop when it goes too far.

The canon events didn't really change much which is good since this is what you're aiming for

<Ren> being genre savvy enough to not get involved since it was Laura and Charlotte in the cafe made me laugh too. Good luck!

wavehawk · 2011-10-04, 05:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Tatenashi's Character seems good enough by itself, it still seems odd that she's intentionally harassing <Ren> over something that obviously seems personal to her. She seems more of the type to innocently tease people but stop when it goes too far.

- That's actualy what bugs me. On the one hand I have in mind a set-up for an interestign conversation between <Ren> and Tatenashi (which will foreshadow in the final 3rd chapter), but on the other hand, I keep thinkign: Am I making too much of Tatenashi's character?

I'm seriously tempted to just remove that part altogether since it might end up coflicting with what happens in the LNs if it goes the wrong way.

Eratas123 · 2011-10-04, 05:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by wavehawk

- That's actualy what bugs me. On the one hand I have in mind a set-up for an interestign conversation between <Ren> and Tatenashi (which will foreshadow in the final 3rd chapter), but on the other hand, I keep thinkign: Am I making too much of Tatenashi's character?

I'm seriously tempted to just remove that part altogether since it might end up coflicting with what happens in the LNs if it goes the wrong way.

You don't have to worry about making it too similar to canon, this is FANFICTION we're making here so it's not really that odd for changes in canon to happen. As long as you don't derail the characters then it should be fine.

For example: In my fanfic almost everyone tends to act the same except I changed their reason for acting that way; Houki still hates her sister but this time it's due to the deaths caused by the Infinite Stratos, Rin is still a clingy jealous girl but it's due to her family problems, Tatenashi still acts the same but that's because she can't seem to see the consequences of her actions. They still act the same but I provide my own reasoning for them doing so.

All in all just remember that these are fan stories that we're writing and not novelizations with our OC's included. Adding your own personal touch to it is what makes it fun

2011-10-03, 23:32	Link #2165
ZeroXSEED I am no one Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Inside your head	Zero here reporting, Sir! Chapter 9 is about 80%, ETC (Estimated Time of Completion) is in 3-6 hours, today there's some convenient meeting between mentors in my Campus and I went home early as result. And now I'm going Trans Am. Because my Brother took the modem I had, I had to rely on internet cafe, sorry for the late update. __________________

2011-10-04, 00:33	Link #2170
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@MeisterBabylon- It's more of a case of Irish attacking her rather than the other way around. Most likely I'll have him be tricked by someone into thinking she read his mind and is planning to spread his secret so he rashly chooses to attack her. He is a former terrorist so he exhibits symptoms of paranoia and agression. She's not attacking Kyuukai, just a paranoid Irish. I'd Imagine Karon would use the suit and non-lethally try to take down Irish. By the way, Chaff grenades explode on contact so they can't be thrown back I also planned to use Tabane as the main antagonist in the early draft, I can't now because I've already included Kyuukai Tokiwa as a main protagonist and having his mother figure turn into the big bad will look like a really dick move. I do plan to have Irish and him butt heads on this since he hates Tabane for building the Infinite Stratos while Kyuukai defends her by saying she was trying to help the world get better and is trying to make up for it. Basically it's an Idealism (Kyuukai) Vs Cynicism (Irish) arguement. Just because they're the three protags doesn't mean they have to be buddies. @Zero- Any Idea's so far Zero? Last edited by Eratas123; 2011-10-04 at 03:10.

2011-10-04, 01:43	Link #2171
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Please, no content from the IS Light Novels on this thread. As far as Vol. 5-7 goes. Now, for another question. How did I do on Ratchet's Personality and Traits? It kinda feels like that I'm actually putting more work into his than the others. Here's a part from Ch. 2 of Project Silverback as an example. Spoiler for Ratchet's Personality/Traits: "Hey, is that Clay?" We hear a voice that sounds like Ratchet as we pass by a janitor's closet. "Hey, Clay! Get me out of here man! Can you hear me?" Bang. Bang. "I hear you, Brian." Scourge responds as we walk up to the closet door. "Then get me the hell out of here!" Ratchet barks from the other side of the door. Scourge then unlocks the closet door and opens it to release Ratchet. "About time… what the hell took you guys so long?" Ratchet walks out of the closet annoyed. "You're welcome." I toss him a bottle of water before asking. "What the hell were you doing inside that janitor's closet?" "I had a little "run-in" with a small group of IS Academy students while I was checking this place out. They were bitching on how I "accidentally" bumped into them when it's actually the other way around. Next thing I knew, they ganged up on me and stuffed me inside that closet. They were gonna do some punishment on me when they come back, man. Or whatever they planned on doing..." Ratchet explained. "Shit, I'll show these IS bitches some punishment!" Scourge putting his fists up. "Scourge, let it go. If we do anything to them, there will be dire consequences." Sideswipe advised to Scrouge. Great, this better not be an indication of what the day's gonna be like. "Come on, let's check out the new arcade game they have." I said so they can get their heads back on straight, the reason we're at the arcade today is so we can blow some steam off from the Mid Term exams. Alright, we're now heading to the back parts of the arcade to see what's going on. Apparently, it's the new arcade game they have. We fought our way through the crowd to get a better view of it. And just as Sideswipe said on our way here, it's a Virtual Reality simulation game. Just like what we used for our training and workout sessions when we were mercenaries. From what we can see, it's a combat simulation game that can have up to 4 players in co-operative. As for player versus player, we're not really seeing it here. "Damn, they're really tearing up the place." Sideswipe watches the 4 playes that are in game. "Yeah, but what exactly are they doing?" Scourge asked as he watches. "Just by how things look, they're defending themselves from a horde of attacking enemies. Hold on." Ratchet explains as he pulls out a piece of paper from his pocket. "There we go; the background story here is that a war being waged against an evil dictator and if he wins, the whole world will be under his control." Ratchet summarizes from what's on the paper he's reading out loud. "In this particular situation, the objective here is to defend a fort from a massive attack while the scientists inside are using it as a research lab and are working on activating a weapon that can turn the tide of the war. You can have up to 5 players in here." Ratchet finishes reading. Just as Ratchet finishes up, there was this sudden uproar of sighs and groans coming from the crowd around us. We took a look at what happened and we see the 4 players that are in the game lying on the floor, apparently 'dead' with the message on the wall surrounding the VR simulator saying 'Mission Failed'. "That sucks." Sideswipe watches as the simulation resets for the next group of players. "Damn straight it does. Looked like that they were near the end of the attack, too." I agreed with Sideswipe. "Wait a second…" Ratchet takes a look at the 4 players getting up. "What is it, Ratchet?" Scourge asks. Ratchet took a closer look at the group of girls that were apparently the ones who were inside the simulator with a slight glare on his face. "That's them! That's the group of IS Academy students that jumped me earlier." Ratchet points at the girls as they were walking out of the simulator. "So that explains why they did so well. Take a look at that monitor." I pointed at a monitor displaying the scoreboard of the last simulator session. Sideswipe, Ratchet and Scourged looked at the monitor above the area of the simulator. "Are you seeing this shit? 325,000+ points?" Sideswipe getting shocked. "Yeah, unfortunately the second highest is 100,000+ points, and that's with 5 players." I pointed out. "So just now the bar has been set even higher. For 4 player co-op I mean." Scourge stating. "Yeah, what else do you expect from these IS shits?" Ratchet asked in a rude tone. "You guys want to give it a shot?" I asked. They all looked at each other before turning to me. """Let's do this.""" "Alright, let's get on over there." I walked towards the entrance of the combat simulator with Sideswipe, Ratchet and Scourge following closely behind. I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts on this. Remember, Ratchet's suppose to be the Negative/Sarcastic and, sometimes, unkind type. But he does have a caring side to those who are close to him.

2011-10-04, 04:50	Link #2177
wavehawk Some say I'm the Reverse Join Date: Jul 2006	Help me a bit here. I wrote this part to start off the second part of my fic with <Ren> (Yes, I still have no title because I'll be reworking it before it goes to FF.net!), but I'm not sure if this will be accepted by the readers or if it'll tick them off. My probalem is trying to write <Ren> into the story without adversely affectign what's going to happen in Chapter 5 or the LN, and I need honest reviews: Just fyi this is very alpha first draft and I need to rewrite it when I can, but I need opinions and fast. Am I pulling Tatenashi in a bit too early? And since I've not read enough of Vol.5 I don't know if I'm portrayign her wrongly... Spoiler: .... Finally, Mark managed to have a look at the slip of paper he'd been handed. Three words were scrawled on it, but it was the most terrifying statement the scientist had ever read. -Tabane is lying.- <---------------> Why am I going through this experience? Kokuto Haruko cringed in spite of herself as she followed her compatriot through the streets of the small shopping mall. While she was not a shopping addict like most women of her age and income, there was no normal reason for her to dislike trawling malls. Except when her partner <Ren> asked her to come along. Then it turned from guilty pleasure to an exercise in stress management. At the moment, she and <Ren> were silently trailing the movements of Orimura Ichika as he passed the summer vacation time. Haruko was only along to keep notes, but more often than not she'd been shoved in broom closets, cafes, and other little alleyways by <Ren> 'to avoid being spotted' by Orimura's other companions. "If you could trail him without being spotted, why in the world did you even gring me along, <Ren>?" "Seriously, Kokuto. I thought you'd love the opportunity to go window-shopping." <Ren> smirked evilly, even as she bit into a crisp apple. The girl kept her baseball cap on, trading her jacket for a more practical shirt and jeans. Her right arm was covered in a muffler-like sleeve, concealing the crimson tattoo underneath. "And I thought you would enjoy stalking a handsome boy without his knowledge." You're just saying that because you know it makes me suffer! Haruko bit her lip, suppressing what was either a moan of pain or a groan of impending disaster. A noise stopped them, as the sounds of gunfire had erupted just across the street. "What was that?" Haruko excalimed, then realised <Ren> had already gone ahead, in the direction of the noise. With an angry huff, Kokuto picked up her pace--but it was hard to run in heeled shoes, low-slung as they were. By the time Haruko caught up with <Ren>, a crowd had formed around the site. <Ren> herself was standing to one side away from the crowd, arms crossed as she mockingly waited for her partner. "Didn't you drink enough coffee this morning? That was slow." "Shut up!" Kokuto managed to snap back with a wheeze. Taking another breath, she asked: "What's going on here?" "Armed robbery, looks like." <Ren> looked oddly relaxed, as if she were contemplating the weather rather than the kind of violence implied by the sounds earlier. "I'm not too worried. It loks liek Dunois and Bodewig are in there as well." "Dunois and Bodewig are in there?!" Haruko stammered at the fact. "Then you've got to act, right? Orimura would get dragged into this mess, wouldn't he?" <Ren> fixed a sleepy gaze at Haruko. "I said Dunois and Bodewig." A couple of screams, random gunfire erupted. And then silence. And then cheering. "Messy, but effective. Bodewig must have started it." <Ren> tucked her arms behind her head and began to walk away, ignoring the jaw-dropped look of amazement on Haruko's face. "And Dunois is capable enough to keep her from going overboard. There's no need for me to act." "The-that-those-" Haruko shook her head and followed her nonchalant partner, who had now stopped. "What was that all about?" "It was a random encounter. You'll need to file a report." <Ren> was silent, staring now at the figure in a male IS Academy uniform loitering the area, a curious look on his face. "At least it wasn't as stupid as the water park fiasco between Fan and Alcott." "DON'T remind me about that." Kokuto growled, then looked up. <Ren> was no longer looking at the boy. Instead her eyes were fixed on a girl of fair complexion and mature form. Also in an IS Academy uniform, she had short hair the color of light ocean blue, with a folding fan in one hand and a smile as mysterious as her intentions. The serpent-like eyes glimmered with thinly-veiled hatred. "<Ren>? Is that who I think it is?" Kokuto quickly realised her partner's intentions and grabbed her shoulder. "Don't do it, <Ren>." "I'm just going to talk." <Ren>'s voice was colder than an arctic winter, enough to freeze the summer air that hung in the area. With a casual brush of her hand, she released Haruko's grip on her. "Wait. Here." Am I supposed to believe that?! Kokuto mimed the words but made no sound, helplessly watching as her partner approached the girl with the fan. <---------------> "I see you've taken an interest as well." The hidden smile behind the fan seemed to mock her approach. <Ren> stood silently beside the girl, who was much taller than she. "Not even a hello?" "Watching over Orimura Ichika from the shadows is my duty." <Ren> did not look at the other girl, instead eyeing the crowd and the media circus that erupted from the day's events. "Not yours." "Then you probably shouldn't have made that mess with Dunois security troupe a few weeks ago." Tatenashi Sarashiki "Best of luck, Stor-" "Shut up." <Ren> snapped back, her snakelike eyes coldly aimed at Tatenashi's laughing ones. "That was my father's name. His title. Don't you dare mock it." "I meant no mockery." "Every word out of your mouth is mockery." "Nevertheless, it's who you are now." __________________ "We haven't been properly introduced..."

2011-10-04, 04:29	Link #2176
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Reading Infinite Stratos wiki about IS academy "IS academy has a very high security system due to the fact that every potential pilot is valuable, it's therefore very hard to enter and is equipped to defend itself from outside attack. Remembers the two golem attacks, the attack during cannonball fast, the Valkyrie trace incident and the attack by Arachne Right~ IS Academy sounds like they're doing a great job with their security.

2011-10-04, 05:00	Link #2178
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	Tatenashi's Character seems good enough by itself, it still seems odd that she's intentionally harassing <Ren> over something that obviously seems personal to her. She seems more of the type to innocently tease people but stop when it goes too far. The canon events didn't really change much which is good since this is what you're aiming for <Ren> being genre savvy enough to not get involved since it was Laura and Charlotte in the cafe made me laugh too. Good luck!