A Laugh A Day

[anti-random]

Î heard about that two. It seems what i heard was for restaurant menus but I have to admit the toilet one was just stupid.

[Pendevous]

Here are even more jokes

Spoiler for bit long joke:

A British General had sent some of his men off to fight for their country in the Falkland Island Crisis.

Upon returning to England from the South American island, three soldiers that had distinguished themselves in battle were summoned to the General's office. "Since we weren't actually at war," the General began, "I can't give out any medals. We did, however, want to let each of you know your efforts were appreciated.

What we've decided to do is to let each of you choose two points on your body. You will be given two pounds sterling for each inch of distance between those parts. We'll start on the left, boys, so what'll it be?"

Soldier 1: "The tip of me head to me toes, sahr!" General: "Very good son, that's 70 inches which comes to 140 pounds"

Soldier 2: "The tip of the finger on one outstretched hand to the tip of the other, sir!"

General: "Even better son, that's 72 inches which comes to 144 pounds"

Soldier 3: "The palm of me hand to the tip of me left pinky, sahr!"

General: "That's a strange but fair request, son!

As the general begins the measurement: "What! Son, where is your left pinky?"

Soldier 3: "Falkland Island, sahr!"

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

[Kisuke06]

Now this video is hilarious:

Spoiler for Master Chief sux at Halo 3:

[EXEs]

@Kisuke06: Hahahaha, shit, the beginning dialogue before the game was fucking funny!

[Aoie_Emesai]

This is funny ^_^, Bush is such a celeb ^_^

[NoSanninWa]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Some Engrish for ya:

I've eaten that! I saw it once and just had to find out what "Mutant Coconut" meant.
Don't ask. It isn't as much fun as it sounds.

[Stephanie]

@NoSanninWa
What did it taste like?

[NoSanninWa]

Don't ask. It really is not as much fun as it sounds. It didn't have taste as much as... texture.

[User65554]

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa

Don't ask. It really is not as much fun as it sounds.

Eating mutant anything doesn't really sound fun

[anti-random]

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa

Don't ask. It really is not as much fun as it sounds. It didn't have taste as much as... texture.

LOL. Texture to the max.

[Stephanie]

Tada! I'm backsh!

Spoiler for Watermelons:

A couple of homeless guys were walking around in a rural area. It was getting dark and it was cold outside, so they decided to go to the nearest house and ask to spend the night.
The first that they came to, a farmer answered the door. He was a nice fellow, and let them sleep over under one condition: They wouldn't go into his daughter's room or there will be trouble.
The next morning, he finds both of them not only in his daughters room, but in her bed with her!
He gets his shotgun and tells each bum to pick 50 of his favorite fruits from the garden.
The first guy comes back with 50 cherries. The farmer says: "Pull down your pants." and points the shotgun at the guy. The guy obliges. Then the farmer starts stuffing the cherries up the guys @$$.
After the first 10 cherries, the guy starts laughing. The farmer continues. 20. The guy it still laughing. 30. The guy laughs harder. 40. The guy laughs even harder. 50. The guy falls down on the floor from laughter. The farmer can't stand it anymore: "Why are you laughing?"
Guy:"My friend is picking watermelons."

Spoiler for Proposing:

Spoiler for No cat is as fat as:

SUMO CAT!!

Spoiler for Bacon:

Spoiler:

Spoiler for Huge Cock!:

This man has a Huge cock!

Spoiler for Jussi_P:

Ever tried eating a Jussy Puss

Spoiler for Azumanga Daioh:

Spoiler for Food Fight!:

Spoiler for Spork!:

[RavenHawk]

Spoiler for And I thought I had a hangover.:

Spoiler for Well...:

[Thrasher187]

Originally Posted by NoSanninWa

I've eaten that! I saw it once and just had to find out what "Mutant Coconut" meant.
Don't ask. It isn't as much fun as it sounds.

I would've done the same thing! Too bad it doesn't seem to taste too good or I'd have wanted to try some :-/

Originally Posted by Stephanie

Tada! I'm backsh!

Spoiler for Bacon:

Spoiler:

I've actually seen that scratched into one of the hand dryer instructions a couple years ago...omg's I just couldn't stop laughing!


Now for some funny piks:

Spoiler for suicidal shirt:

Spoiler for more piks...:

<--The hard part is putting your soul in the box



<--Don't mind if I do!

[RavenHawk]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for more piks...:

<--The hard part is putting your soul in the box



<--Don't mind if I do!

What can I say but... HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

[User65554]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

Spoiler for more piks...:

<--Don't mind if I do!

Is there any problem it can't solve?

[Thrasher187]

These are funny:

Spoiler for piks:

[User65554]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

These are funny:

My first reaction when I saw that was 'what has he been doing with his pokemon???'

...I think my brain is broken...

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Gas Pump Prank

Dead Deer Prank

[The Chaos]

Originally Posted by Thrasher187

These are funny:

Spoiler for piks:

1pic chyo-chan is so cute
2pic well fell sorry to spider man
3pic what happened between them

[nanafan]

those are great pics. i think that shirt is more emo than suicidal..meh..