Dating

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

I hate to hijack the thread but this is the best place to ask this:

Did anyone try online dating? I did eHarmony last year and had zero luck, I think it's because of where I live but am curious if anyone else has any experience with it, good or bad.

Well, I've had mixed levels of success with it, myself. I don't really bother with dating services, but I have pursued things with someone I initially met online a couple times. One time it led to a more consistent relationship and a brief engagement which fell through because we were way too young, and other times it has led to decently long-lasting relationships, but the one thing I would caution you against is allowing too much time to elapse while communicating with the person before meeting them, because the expectations and ideas you form through strictly verbal communication can lead to some problems later down the road when actually encountering the physical reality of that person regularly. Also, RB's advice is pertinent: it's critical to keep yourself experienced on how to deal with issues person-to-person, so remember that.

There are some advantages, though, in that it creates one more social arena. Just don't expect it to be any better than any other normal social venue, as you'll still just be dealing with peoples' presentations of themselves at first.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

I hate to hijack the thread but this is the best place to ask this:

Did anyone try online dating? I did eHarmony last year and had zero luck, I think it's because of where I live but am curious if anyone else has any experience with it, good or bad.

I am very wary of those, because people can pretend to be whoever they want online.

That and an ex coworker met her hubby on eharmony, and he strangled her to death a year after they got married... So that didn't help matters.

If you're really careful and don't rush things, just like w/ any other kind of dating, then it can be useful, I daresay.

Better than picking up someone at a bar ffs.

[Animelover#1]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

I am very wary of those, because people can pretend to be whoever they want online.

That and an ex coworker met her hubby on eharmony, and he strangled her to death a year after they got married... So that didn't help matters.

If you're really careful and don't rush things, just like w/ any other kind of dating, then it can be useful, I daresay.

Better than picking up someone at a bar ffs.

I'm sorry to hear that, however it cant really be put down to the fact they met online. It could have happened even if they met in real life. some people say online dating is "REALLY DANGEROUS OMG WTF LOLLOL". <.< >.>.. anyway, it's only a small minority of bad people. Why would someone internationally set out to kill someone. theres no logic to it. theres always a motive or cause.

I say GO GO GO as long as your aware of the risks and take precautions.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Better than picking up someone at a bar ffs.

Er, not strictly across the board, no. Sure, it's one thing if it's a drunken hook-up, but not all bars are sleazy establishments, and in a bar setting you have the advantage of being able to observe mannerisms that wouldn't come through online...also, there is no photoshopping one's self at a bar. Of course, this all assumes you're an attentive person.

This is not to discredit online dating, just to say that there really is no flatline advantage to it. It's a trade-off.

[Seitsuki]

What did they say?.. On the net men are men, women are men and something about the FBI xD
The thing about the web is that even if they're not bsing about who they are it's very hard to tell what sort of person someone is just from net chat. You miss out on many visual cues such as body language, tone, etc which may tell you alot more about them than how they type. Face to face is much better imo, although of course that's not to say online is "bad". Everyone is gonna have different experiences.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Seitsuki

What did they say?.. On the net men are men, women are men and something about the FBI xD
The thing about the web is that even if they're not bsing about who they are it's very hard to tell what sort of person someone is just from net chat. You miss out on many visual cues such as body language, tone, etc which may tell you alot more about them than how they type. Face to face is much better imo, although of course that's not to say online is "bad". Everyone is gonna have different experiences.

On the flip side, however, a lot of people, myself included, are a lot more open about who they are online than in real life. It can also give shy people more of a chance to organize their thoughts without feeling pressured for an immediate response.

That being said, the only people I've meet who I first met online weren't people I intended to date. I still prefer to look in real life myself.

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

I hate to hijack the thread but this is the best place to ask this:

Did anyone try online dating? I did eHarmony last year and had zero luck, I think it's because of where I live but am curious if anyone else has any experience with it, good or bad.

It never really worked for me.

Then again, I'm far more eccentric than the average person...that probably played a factor.

[Kotohono]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

On the flip side, however, a lot of people, myself included, are a lot more open about who they are online than in real life. It can also give shy people more of a chance to organize their thoughts without feeling pressured for an immediate response.

That being said, the only people I've meet who I first met online weren't people I intended to date. I still prefer to look in real life myself.

I agree with you there, I am way more shy in person xD. And I am still not sure on my dating prefers personally for online, or real life since my experience in both is somewhat limited.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Seitsuki

What did they say?.. On the net men are men, women are men and something about the FBI xD

So basically, the only people Internet dating is for are Gays, Crims and women?

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

On the flip side, however, a lot of people, myself included, are a lot more open about who they are online than in real life. It can also give shy people more of a chance to organize their thoughts without feeling pressured for an immediate response.

That being said, the only people I've meet who I first met online weren't people I intended to date. I still prefer to look in real life myself.

You'd be right. It is easier to say things over internet and text than it is for me to tell them in person (I know, such a coward ). Still recommend you'd be careful what you share over the internet.

[Seitsuki]

No kidding. I guess the internet does offer you anonymity, which allows you to express yourself more freely than if it was in real life but that same anonymity and uncertainty means that there are many people who will try and take advantage. It depends on your luck i guess ^^;

[Animelover#1]

I really doubt there are that many people who would take advantage of the internet, it just seems as if there is no reason to do it. Some do it 'for a laugh' but I dont really see any other motive, the other motive is to rape but if you arrange to meet in a public place and then leave before it gets dark - I really can't see a problem.

My mum tells me to "be careful online, 'they're all pedophiles and rapists' on there." which I found rather arrogant. She also said "You always read about it in the papers."
- Thats because they only put that in the papers - they don't exactly write about the other 10million (or w/e) who were perfectly fine.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

- Thats because they only put that in the papers - they don't exactly write about the other 10million (or w/e) who were perfectly fine.

That is so right. It's like driving (>.> I know...). We hear of many road accidents (now we gotta call them collisions because accident implies there's nobody to blame), but how many do we actually see?

[Animelover#1]

yeah I know, because aparrently it doesn't make for 'good reading'

[DragoZERO]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who tried it, haha.

I think my difficulty was because many of the users on it lived in the city which although it's not far distance wise, it's far time wise and I don't care for the city much.

[Kafriel]

I have my doubts about the actual effects of online dating: if people are shy enough so as not to try and socialize in the real world, even after knowing someone over the net and after <insert number of years> they decide to meet irl, they would lack the initiative to take it to the next level...

people who will try and take advantage.

if you do decide to try online dating, be wary of these types...they are the ones who will immediately empathize with you in an attempt to look good in your eyes, so you can entrust them with information that reveals a certain pattern to your character, which in turn allows them to guess many things about yourself that you wouldn't want to be known.

[ChainLegacy]

Perhaps it isn't physical danger, but I've been hearing quite often lately about scammers based in Africa that prowl social media and dating sites, earn the trust of their 'prospective lover' and somehow convince them to send money overseas. Now, I don't know who is naive enough to do this but apparently for some people desperation for love creates an entirely irrational mindset.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

I think my difficulty was because many of the users on it lived in the city which although it's not far distance wise, it's far time wise and I don't care for the city much.

My problem seems to be the lack of physical contact. Which isn't to say I want to jump the person, it's just that I'm the kind of girl who takes her cues and reactions from the body language of someone else. The problem with online dating is unless you've met, it's extremely hard to judge a person's mood or tone just by how they type unless you know them very well and can detect the pattern. Even talking on the phone can't really do much.

Granted, this isn't to say those relationships don't work... my father figure on the forum met his wife through an online gaming community, if I remember correctly, and they've been married for nine, ten years.

[Kakashi]

I've never really thought about online dating specifically. I've met someone online and wanted to date them though - more than anyone I've met offline.

That's just how things go. It's not like there's a 'right' way to meet the 'right' person. Often things can be inconvenient. You either work around it or move on. My last girlfriend lived about 2 hours away from me, I didn't like her enough to travel that far, and it was one of the main reasons we broke up fairly quickly. The girl I met online I would gladly travel for hours to see, but she doesn't even live in the same county.

[DragoZERO]

Originally Posted by ChainLegacy

Perhaps it isn't physical danger, but I've been hearing quite often lately about scammers based in Africa that prowl social media and dating sites, earn the trust of their 'prospective lover' and somehow convince them to send money overseas. Now, I don't know who is naive enough to do this but apparently for some people desperation for love creates an entirely irrational mindset.

There are a lot scams like that - in the virtual world and the real world. Scammers and con artists know where to look.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

My problem seems to be the lack of physical contact. Which isn't to say I want to jump the person, it's just that I'm the kind of girl who takes her cues and reactions from the body language of someone else. The problem with online dating is unless you've met, it's extremely hard to judge a person's mood or tone just by how they type unless you know them very well and can detect the pattern. Even talking on the phone can't really do much.

Granted, this isn't to say those relationships don't work... my father figure on the forum met his wife through an online gaming community, if I remember correctly, and they've been married for nine, ten years.

Physical interaction is necessary, of course. I see online dating as a means of meeting the person. Almost like going out with your friends and meeting one of their friends. Like others have said, waiting too long to meet the person face to face becomes an obstacle.

And you are a normal girl for reading body language, much better than those who ignore the situation (one time had a girl wanted to make during a movie with kids and parents all around us, lol).

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

There are a lot scams like that - in the virtual world and the real world. Scammers and con artists know where to look.

The key here is to take it with a pinch of salt. By having experience in the online dating field, it makes it easier to avoid pitfalls that some people seem to fall into.

Originally Posted by DragoZERO

Physical interaction is necessary, of course. I see online dating as a means of meeting the person. Almost like going out with your friends and meeting one of their friends. Like others have said, waiting too long to meet the person face to face becomes an obstacle.

And you are a normal girl for reading body language, much better than those who ignore the situation (one time had a girl wanted to make during a movie with kids and parents all around us, lol).

Yes, physical contact is vital. It allows you to actually see the person in the same space as you, understand their personality a bit more, their habits, and it allows you to get intimate with the person if you so wish. Reading the bodylanguage is a good talent (and one I wish I had when my first girlfriend dumped me. For god sakes she used the Beyonce song "Single Ladies". Now I hate that song xP).