AnimeSuki Forums

Tyabann · 2009-05-27, 01:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

What the hell is *KSSSSSSHHH* exactly?

Transition to Universe A.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

I think it's supposed to be static.

Anyway... why is Haruhi's hairband mentioned? I thought that was a detail left solely to visuals.

In the novels, yes. We're not a novel.

We're a VISUAL novel.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jintor

Because it's a visual novel, I doubt that the scene will be *of* Kyon walking from the station and show Haruhi in the window - it's more likely that that's a transition sentence, so as to let the reader know early what precisely is going on. Background at that point seems likely to be 'random outside area'.

Yes. Exactly. Although the background is "Kitaguchi Station", but...

Jintor · 2009-05-27, 01:44

EDITJOB GET!

Spoiler for September the First, Day 0, Universe 1- Brigade HQ- Poker in a Clubroom:

I changed the first bit for two reasons: One, nobody, not even Kyon, would use 'cognitive function' in a sentence like that for any reasons except to be a smartarse, and two, 'a path I've followed' seemed like a good idea to my mind.

Jintor · 2009-05-27, 01:52

EDITJOB 2 GET

Spoiler for September the First, Day 0, Universe 1- Brigade HQ: Decision Point:

Easy enough.

Kogetsu Shirogane · 2009-05-27, 01:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

In the novels, yes. We're not a novel.

We're a VISUAL novel.

Technically speaking, it's not mentioned in anything else, either... but I'll drop it, due to the transition thing and all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jintor

One, nobody, not even Kyon, would use 'cognitive function' in a sentence like that for any reasons except to be a smartarse

Which is why it works.

*e* Also, your second editjob might be in need of an editjob in itself.

Tyabann · 2009-05-27, 01:55

Jintor, you're kinda tired, huh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

Which is why it works.

Exactly.

Jintor · 2009-05-27, 01:56

Overruled.

Seriously though, it doesn't work there.

"Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no intervention from my brain to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year."

"Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no cognitive function to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year."

Among other things, it would be 'cognitive functionality' there, not cognitive function... and I think Ituski's the better smartarse to use those kinds of words.

Cat Megex · 2009-05-27, 02:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jintor

Overruled.

Seriously though, it doesn't work there.

"Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no intervention from my brain to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year."

"Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no cognitive function to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year."

Among other things, it would be 'cognitive functionality' there, not cognitive function... and I think Ituski's the better smartarse to use those kinds of words.

How about "requiring no extraneous impulses from my central nervous system"?

...Dammit, I need to go to bed.

Tyabann · 2009-05-27, 02:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jintor

Overruled.

Seriously though, it doesn't work there.

"Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no intervention from my brain to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year."

"Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no cognitive function to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year."

Among other things, it would be 'cognitive functionality' there, not cognitive function... and I think Ituski's the better smartarse to use those kinds of words.

Keep tellin' yourself that, bro.

Sure, that's fine.

Jintor · 2009-05-27, 02:18

SUPER EDITJOB GET

Spoiler for September the First, Day 0, Universe 1: Restaurant- This Isn't a Date!:

Hah. This was fun. I liked the 'window-shopping young couples' bit. Also, I was trying to work out a way to sneak 'And in enduring, grow strong' in there, but it felt too out of character for Kyon.

Tyabann · 2009-05-27, 02:21

Don't forget that he always refers to Itsuki as "Koizumi", eh?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jintor

Hah. This was fun. I liked the 'window-shopping young couples' bit.

I can't claim credit for that, that's Kyon's description of the station from Vol. 1.

Kogetsu Shirogane · 2009-05-27, 02:27

Methinks that Haruhi forcing Kyon to pay for her lunch is a subtle way of getting him to go on a few dates with her. Or I could be reading into things too much.

*e* I mean actually stating that he has to in advance. He generally does it anyway, due to the "whoever arrives last pays" rule the Brigade has.

Jintor · 2009-05-27, 02:27

Oh yes, apologies. But you managed to make Kyon and Haruhi one of those window-shopping couples, which is what I liked the most.

/EDIT And if you take this part, don't forget to maybe have quick references to Kyon having to pay for Haruhi's lunch for the next few days. (DebtSlave = True, perhaps?)

ryanasaurus0077 · 2009-05-27, 09:03

I'm currently working on a script for a web series based on Seitenkan, and judging from what I've seen on this thread, my script and Kaisos's version are going to diverge at the sixth chapter of the first light novel. Oh, and in the web series, I'd like to be Haruki, and in my script he wears 3-D glasses. Other than the spots where I posted my ideas, though, both versions are essentially going to be the same story. How's that sound, the idea of a web series based on Seitenkan?

Kogetsu Shirogane · 2009-05-27, 10:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanasaurus0077

in my script he wears 3-D glasses.

. . . Why would he wear 3D glasses?

ryanasaurus0077 · 2009-05-27, 10:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kogetsu Shirogane

. . . Why would he wear 3D glasses?

Probably as a counterpart to Haruhi's ribbon/headband/whatever-the-hell-you-like-to-call-it.

Roger Rambo · 2009-05-27, 11:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by ryanasaurus0077

*snip*

Spoiler for oh wow:

ryanasaurus0077 · 2009-05-27, 11:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roger Rambo

*snip*

Now that image was totally uncalled for. You want your version of Haruki to wear a monocle? I laugh at your Victorian tastes!

Oh, and the reason why I want Haruki to wear 3-D glasses is because I want a counterpart to Haruhi's ribbon. Can't you accept that reason without *snipping* my thread in a quote? Or do I have to keep the script to myself in order to avoid a *snip*?

Roger Rambo · 2009-05-27, 12:10

It seems a rather incoherent thing to do, considering the headband Haruki ussually wears is an analogue for the Ribbon Haruhi had.

Frankly man, it's a bad idea.

ryanasaurus0077 · 2009-05-27, 12:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roger Rambo

It seems a rather incoherent thing to do, considering the headband Haruki ussually wears is an analogue for the Ribbon Haruhi had.

Frankly man, it's a bad idea.

How about Haruki wear the 3-D glasses just over his forehead most of the time? The only times he'll wear the glasses over his eyes is when:

A) He's in a melancholy state (like in most of the first chapter), and

B) He means serious business (like when Kyonko shows up late to an inspection of Nishinomiya for aliens, time travelers, and ESPers in the fourth chapter).

Oh, and my inspiration was the character page for Haruki on harupedia.org, where it's stated that he could wear goggles. I took it one step further and gave Haruki the 3-D glasses he'll be wearing in the web series I'm planning.

Roger Rambo · 2009-05-27, 12:49

You're free to do whatever you like when. That doesn't mean anyone will be particularly interested though.

Allot of people like the Haruhi Gender bending because of the character design. Giving Haruki 3d glasses (random?) is a pretty significant department from that design, so allot of people aren't going to like it.

2009-05-27, 01:44	Link #16182
Jintor Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Land Down Under Age: 32	EDITJOB GET! Spoiler for September the First, Day 0, Universe 1- Brigade HQ- Poker in a Clubroom: [Scene: Brigade HQ, Afternoon] Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no intervention from my brain to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year. The old school building, referred to by most students as the “Old Shack”, is the housing for all clubs that do not have their own, specialized clubroom (for example, the Computer Research Society, the purpose of which should be fairly self-explanatory). And in the Old Shack, currently occuping the defunct Literature Clubroom, is the Save the world by Overloading it with fun: Haruhi Suzumiya's Brigade, or “The SOS Brigade”, for short. I apologize for the name making little sense in context. This, too, is not my fault. The Brigade is composed of five members: Haruhi Suzumiya, who has already been introduced, and, in any case, needs no introduction. Yuki Nagato, a quiet girl and a former member of the Literature Club, recruited when Haruhi took over the clubroom. She's also an alien of some sort, don't ask. Mikuru Asahina, a cute girl one year our senior. She was dragged into the Brigade against her will, and forced to cosplay as such things as a maid or a nurse, for some reason. She also happens to be a time traveler from the future. Itsuki Koizumi, a transfer student with a perpetual, smarmy grin. He was recruited because Haruhi seems to believe that all transfer students are automatically mysterious. He also has various paranormal abilities, which therefore makes him an esper, I suppose. And then there's me. I thought I said there wasn't anything special about me already. Anyway. I'm in the clubroom now, and school's out. Since the school's cafeteria isn't open yet, Her Highness Haruhi has wandered off to the restaurant outside school grounds to satisfy her hunger, which I am sure is all-encompassing. Everybody's shot off in their different directions, with their different things to do, except Koizumi here, who's sitting across from me with his usual grin. Itsuki: Well, she is a genius. No doubt she was a child prodigy, so a holiday assignment like this wouldn't have been anything like a burden to her. Such a remarkable personality wouldn't even have bothered thinking of having to share the work with her friends - I mean, from her point of view, she wouldn't even have considered the fact that others might not be able to do the assignment with ease. I shook my head, sighing. Even theoretically, Haruhi was fundamentally selfish. No, not the right word - she didn't take into consideration the feelings of others. A subtle difference. Unfolding the collapsible chair, I sat by the windowpane. Today was orientation day, after all, so I had originally planned to head straight home, but I though I'd take a quick detour to see if Nagato was in the clubroom. Koizumi had joined me on the way here, but Nagato was decidedly absent. These last 594 years must have been tiring ones, even for an alien-human interface like Nagato. Outside, the forlorn cries of the higurashi echo through the sky. Summer had finally ended; I was sure of that. And yet- Kyon: It's like a dream! We've repeated these last two weeks of August fifteen-thousand something-odd times... Itsuki: ...I wouldn't call what we've experienced something as trivial as a 'dream'. He smiles at me, genuinely friendly, yet somehow odd, and starts to shuffle a deck of cards that he produces out of nowhere. Like a magician, or more accurately, some kind of con-artist. Itsuki: But what else are we to call it? There should be no common memory between the 'us' that have existed within those last fifteen-thousand, four-hundred and ninety-seven fortnights. They don't exist on the same timeline. Only the 'us' that have broken the cycle and advanced to September the 1st should remember anything, and even then... Koizumi pauses momentarily, the ace of spades between his slender fingers. Itsuki: Logically speaking, they - sorry, we - should only remember the memories that we experienced directly. Kyon: Logic goes completely out the window with Haruhi around. After all, I was definitely getting severe deja vu by that last iteration of the holidays. Perhaps it was the last, desperate gifts of the thousands of 'Me' that came before, trapped in an endless summer with no visible escape; the thoughts of a thousand versions of myself, longing for an end to an endless summer. Well, I guess it's thanks to the efforts of the thousands trapped that this 'me' - that is to say, me - can get back on track with the rest of his life. I mean, my life. (Sometimes, I think the worst part of time travel is keeping track of all the pronouns.) And if I didn't think that way, well, then all those summer holidays would have been absolutely wasted. Not to mention all those 'me's' who were trapped in that seemingly endless loop... When I asked Nagato about variations, I didn't let her finish. I wonder how strange some of those 'Me's' got. Especially the ones who knew, in the end, that everything they did was for nothing, and the entire world would just reset back to the way it was. I sure hope none of them went insane. Itsuki: Would you like to play poker? The deck between his hands blurs slightly as Koizumi begins to deal cards, like some kind of amateur magician. It can't hurt to keep him entertained. And it'll distract me from this slightly disturbing line of thinking. Kyon: Alright, but only if there's no money involved. My wallet always ends up moth-infested after we play for cash. Itsuki: If that is your wish, so it shall be. We'll play for chips. I only ever win big when winning doesn't matter. I sigh and pick up my cards. ...A royal flush? That's a first. I swore in the back of my mind that if I were ever to repeat this day, I'd be betting cash for sure. I changed the first bit for two reasons: One, nobody, not even Kyon, would use 'cognitive function' in a sentence like that for any reasons except to be a smartarse, and two, 'a path I've followed' seemed like a good idea to my mind. Last edited by Jintor; 2009-05-27 at 08:28.

2009-05-27, 01:52	Link #16183
Jintor Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Land Down Under Age: 32	EDITJOB 2 GET Spoiler for September the First, Day 0, Universe 1- Brigade HQ: Decision Point: [Scene: Brigade HQ, Afternoon] Despite my excellent first hand, and the fact that Koizumi is really, really bad at games, winning still wasn't that easy. This is because I spent about half the game distracted, thanks to a frightening possibility that had come to mind after my talk with Koizumi earlier. What if, instead of just looping around to the middle of August again, every single one of those fifteen thousand-odd universes just... just kept going? How would we, or anyone, be able to tell? For that matter, it's perfectly possible that we might be in another loop right now, and no one would be able to tell. Even if I asked Nagato, as before, she might not tell me, or be able to tell either. Fifteen thousand versions of me, all existing at the same time, yet unable to reach one another. To talk, or to connect the dots. But it doesn't stop here, does it? I remember some mind-bending quantum physics theory that states that every single choice we make leads into a different universe. By this logic, there are an infinite number of “me”, all existing at the same time. There could be a universe where Koizumi is actually good at card games. There could be a universe where Haruhi never attended North High, and I never joined the SOS Brigade. There could be a universe where I'm a-- Itsuki: Ah, well, look at that. Looks like you win again. Koizumi's voice snaps me out of my reverie. Like I said, I only ever win when it's not important, or when it interrupts something that is. Kyon: I'm done. It's no fun winning if there's no cash on the table, and it's no fun losing when there is cash on the table. Itsuki: Have you ever considered winning while there's cash on the table? Kyon: ...In your terms, I guess I would say "that is a fundamentally impossible turn of events that would never happen, ever, in a million years". Except in the universe where it did happen. Itsuki: Ah, that does sound exactly like me. Even when he agrees with me he mocks me! Koizumi packs up the cards quickly, making the pack seem to vanish with a flick of his wrists. A good party trick, if you can do it. Itsuki: Well, I'm off. Going to go do something, then, before we lose summer entirely? Kyon: ... [DECISION POINT HERE] 1)"Might head into town..." 2)"I should check up on Nagato..." 3)"...I might just head home..." 4)"I still have some stuff to talk to you about..." 5)"Maybe Asahina-san's still around...?" Easy enough. Last edited by Jintor; 2009-05-27 at 08:30.

2009-05-27, 02:18	Link #16189
Jintor Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Land Down Under Age: 32	SUPER EDITJOB GET Spoiler for September the First, Day 0, Universe 1: Restaurant- This Isn't a Date!: This Isn't a Date! Kyon: Maybe I'll walk around for a while. I feel like crap anyway. Itsuki: A good idea. Farewell for now, then. He and I go our separate ways as we leave the clubroom behind us. Where does he live, anyway? I guess I'll head down to the mall by Kitaguchi Station. Not much else to do. --- [Scene: Outside Kitaguchi Station] Kitaguchi Station is an important railway hub, and, as a result, it's usually filled with passerby. On weekends, the square in front of the station is absolutely filled with window-shopping young couples. For some reason, perhaps because of the heat, it's rather slow today. Not too many people around... Which is why I was able to see someone I knew in the window of a small restaurant. Someone with a yellow hairband. ... Guess I should go make sure she's not causing trouble for anybody... [Scene: Inside Restaurant] Huh. She didn't notice me coming in. This would be a good opportunity to surprise her. Kyon: Yo, Haruhi. Haruhi: Waaaaaagh! She practically hit the ceiling. Excellent. Haruhi: Wha-what the hell! You scared me! The hell do you think you're doing!? More importantly, who gave you permission to follow me!? S-Stalker! I didn't follow you at all. In fact, meeting you here was a complete coincidence. Furthermore, isn't there a restaurant closer to the school you could have gone to? Haruhi: This is the only place in town that serves this. She points at her half-finished meal, a plate of some kind of spaghetti. Kyon: Is that really good enough to justify coming all the way down to the station? Haruhi: Yup! Sit down and order some, you'll see what I mean. ...I don't think so. Unlike you, my mom always packs my lunches, and I ate less than an hour ago. Besides, paying late fees continually has proven to be a large drain on the amount of money in my wallet, larger even than playing Poker for real against Koizumi. I still need to save up for next time! Haruhi: Geez, whatever. Don't order anything. A-at least try some of mine. Kyon: But... I'm not even hungry, like I said. Haruhi: Whatever, whatever! Just eat some spaghetti! She looks flustered again. This looks like trouble. Kyon: ... [DECISION POINT HERE] 1)“...Ever considered a therapist, Haruhi-san?” 2)“...Alright, alright, I'll have something to eat...” --- Divine Wrath Kyon: ...Ever considered seeing a therapist, Haruhi-san? Haruhi: What- What's that supposed to mean, huh? And what's with the sudden formality?! I don't want to deal with this today. I'm tired, and my head is still swimming from all that existentialism. I stretch my arms and stand up. Kyon: ...Well, then, see you tomorrow, then. Haruhi: Wh-?! Wait a minute, I'm not done talking to you yet! I ignore her and head towards the door. Haruhi: Kyon! Are you listening!? Next time you're late it'll be a double penalty! You hear!? Red card! Red card! ... I must endure. I guess I'll head home, then. Nothing else to do, and if I hang around here Haruhi's going to do her best to shout my head off. ... KSSSSSSHHH --- Divine Blessing Kyon: Alright, alright, fine. I'll have a bit. I take the fork from her outstretched hand and take a bite. Kyon: ... Haruhi: So? So? How is it? Kyon: Actually, it's... really quite good! Haruhi: See?! How did she even find out about this place and its pasta? I'm surprised Haruhi actually even cares about cooking like this. In any case, this is fantastic spaghetti. What did they put in this to make it so good? And why is the fork now scraping the dish? Haruhi: Uh... ugh... She's making a strange face. This is probably because I just wolfed down her entire lunch. Haruhi: ...Kyon... my lunch... I was right. I'm in deep, deep trouble. Haruhi: You're in so. Much. TROUBLE! She's probably going to assign me another penalty and make me pay for it. Ah, my perpetually-empty wallet... Haruhi: P-Penalty! You're paying for my lunch- As I thought. No wonder our classmates consider me the expert on all things Haruhi. Haruhi: -for the next three days! Kyon: Wh--? That's not fair at all! Haruhi: Sure it is! You just devoured all of my nourishment! I thought you said you weren't hungry! I'm so ashamed. It was just... so damn tasty... This isn't my fault at all! And so... Haruhi made me pay for her spaghetti (It cost that much!? How can she afford things like this?) and then dragged me around the square window shopping for about an hour. By the time we separated, she had this huge grin on her face. At least someone had a good time... Though I guess it was better than just killing time at home. I suppose I should head back there now. It's getting late... ... KSSSSSSHHH Hah. This was fun. I liked the 'window-shopping young couples' bit. Also, I was trying to work out a way to sneak 'And in enduring, grow strong' in there, but it felt too out of character for Kyon. Last edited by Jintor; 2009-05-27 at 08:33.

2009-05-27, 02:27	Link #16191
Kogetsu Shirogane Kneel Before Your King! Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: My kingdom Age: 39	Methinks that Haruhi forcing Kyon to pay for her lunch is a subtle way of getting him to go on a few dates with her. Or I could be reading into things too much. e I mean actually stating that he has to in advance. He generally does it anyway, due to the "whoever arrives last pays" rule the Brigade has. __________________ WARNING: Kogetsu Shirogane cannot be held accountable for any actions taken by someone else. Potential side effects of communicating with this user include headaches, mild confusion, insanity, delirium, and jumping into fires. Do not expose this user to sunlight or water or feed this user after midnight. ... so you think you're a king now...

2009-05-27, 02:27	Link #16192
Jintor Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Land Down Under Age: 32	Oh yes, apologies. But you managed to make Kyon and Haruhi one of those window-shopping couples, which is what I liked the most. /EDIT And if you take this part, don't forget to maybe have quick references to Kyon having to pay for Haruhi's lunch for the next few days. (DebtSlave = True, perhaps?) Last edited by Jintor; 2009-05-27 at 03:04.

2009-05-27, 01:56	Link #16186
Jintor Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Land Down Under Age: 32	Overruled. Seriously though, it doesn't work there. "Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no intervention from my brain to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year." "Every day after school, I somehow find myself walking towards the old school building. My legs turn corners and traverse staircases as though they have a mind of their own, requiring no cognitive function to traverse the path I've followed every day for nearly half a year." Among other things, it would be 'cognitive functionality' there, not cognitive function... and I think Ituski's the better smartarse to use those kinds of words.

2009-05-27, 09:03	Link #16193
ryanasaurus0077 Nostalgia Critic's #1 fan Join Date: May 2009	I'm currently working on a script for a web series based on Seitenkan, and judging from what I've seen on this thread, my script and Kaisos's version are going to diverge at the sixth chapter of the first light novel. Oh, and in the web series, I'd like to be Haruki, and in my script he wears 3-D glasses. Other than the spots where I posted my ideas, though, both versions are essentially going to be the same story. How's that sound, the idea of a web series based on Seitenkan? __________________ This signature is useless because I couldn't find a good one.

2009-05-27, 12:10	Link #16198
Roger Rambo Sensei, aishite imasu Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Hong Kong Shatterdome	It seems a rather incoherent thing to do, considering the headband Haruki ussually wears is an analogue for the Ribbon Haruhi had. Frankly man, it's a bad idea. __________________ DEEP WITHIN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE GENESTEALERS ARE MADE OF F***ING RUBBER!

2009-05-27, 12:49	Link #16200
Roger Rambo Sensei, aishite imasu Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Hong Kong Shatterdome	You're free to do whatever you like when. That doesn't mean anyone will be particularly interested though. Allot of people like the Haruhi Gender bending because of the character design. Giving Haruki 3d glasses (random?) is a pretty significant department from that design, so allot of people aren't going to like it. __________________ DEEP WITHIN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE WHERE GENESTEALERS ARE MADE OF F***ING RUBBER!