Why Asian Women Don't Date Asian Men

[Samari]

Bad news. The girl I was after has a boyfriend. I think I'm going to be sick. I guess on the bright side we had two good conversations today...and got some contact information. It seems like I'm beginning to make a real good..."friend". Man I hate that word sometimes. But really, what a let down. Something like this always happens. Maybe I'm too shallow.

[Vexx]

Nah... just continue to keep in contact with her on a friendly basis --- "has a boyfriend" is sometimes a transient state

[2H-Dragon]

Originally Posted by bluejazz87

Bad news. The girl I was after has a boyfriend. I think I'm going to be sick. I guess on the bright side we had two good conversations today...and got some contact information. It seems like I'm beginning to make a real good..."friend". Man I hate that word sometimes. But really, what a let down. Something like this always happens. Maybe I'm too shallow.

To be honest this friend thing. People kinda overrate the friend wall. Most of my friends seem to have absolutely no problem breaking it down. And hell the relationship from from being friends before seem to last longer.

[Samari]

Here's something I posted on another board. I'd like your thoughts about it as well:

Me and my class went to Stanford University today. To do some sketches at their art museum. I of course live very close to Stanford, so I didn't have to travel all the way to San Francisco today just to come to Stanford. Anyways, towards the end of the class, I was sitting outside the museum on a bench basically. And this girl who's basically in my class (different teacher, same type of class) sits next to me. Now I had seen her around campus during class breaks in our building back in San Francisco where we usually have class. She's really cute. I think she's also Japanese. I'm not sure. But yeah, really cute.

Anyways, she sits next to me, and I guess she's just waiting for both of our classes to gather up to go back to San Francisco. So she's sitting there, and I'm thinking "Hmmm...I need to make a move." And without really thinking about it unlike I did with the previous girl, I just talked to her without more than five seconds hesitation. I used a lame, but passable opening question to break the ice. I asked what time our classes were going to meet up. After that, everything seemed...easier. I mean, I didn't panic really or anything. I introduced myself and asked her what her name was and all that. Then just asked her about her major, how her drawing have been coming along, what year she was at the Academy, etc. Just some small talk. She had the same name as my mom though. That was kinda odd, but whatever...

So do you guys believe that I'm acting kind of "desperate" by talking to someone else so soon? I mean this new girl is really nice and charming...not to mention gorgeous. It's cool that she's an illustration major and in her third year, just like me. Wouldn't be surprised if she has a boyfriend either. But yeah, the other girl I was talking to you about for a few weeks...I mean I think I may have made a good friend out of her, however she's taken as I've told you. So I thought it might be a good idea to keep getting myself out there you know? I just don't want to seem desperate though. Opinions?

[TinyRedLeaf]

*thumbs up*

No. Not being desperate. It's called "Getting to know you."

That's how relationships start. Ask the married men.

[Knightmare213]

@bluejazz87: Just like TRL said, it is called getting to know you.

Best luck to that guy.

[Vexx]

Originally Posted by bluejazz87

Here's something I posted on another board. I'd like your thoughts about it as well:

No, that was just completely bleeping perfect. One secret that many guys just seem to miss the obvious --- girls are people.

[2H-Dragon]

Yeah as others said before it's perfectly normal. Hell I tend to speak even if I am not into her. I dislike that awkward feeling of I kind of know her, but I can't say anything.

[Samari]

Thanks for your comments. Just wanted to make sure I was in the right zone here.

[Ledgem]

I think that "desperate" is flitting from girl to girl within seconds, and perhaps even begging. If you're single and young, there's nothing wrong with experimentation of that sort. If you have any sort of attraction for another person, there's nothing wrong with checking it out. You're not committing to marriage (although if the relationship sours, breaking it is generally quite unpleasant). I know that the ideal situation is where you get the know the person 98% well as their friend and then elevate your relationship status, but it's not realistic. If the relationship starts out as or quickly escalates to a romantic one, there's nothing wrong with letting that go and seeing what happens. It doesn't mean you're desperate - it just means you're open and ready for a relationship. Best of luck!

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I think that "desperate" is flitting from girl to girl within seconds, and perhaps even begging. If you're single and young, there's nothing wrong with experimentation of that sort. If you have any sort of attraction for another person, there's nothing wrong with checking it out. You're not committing to marriage (although if the relationship sours, breaking it is generally quite unpleasant). I know that the ideal situation is where you get the know the person 98% well as their friend and then elevate your relationship status, but it's not realistic. If the relationship starts out as or quickly escalates to a romantic one, there's nothing wrong with letting that go and seeing what happens. It doesn't mean you're desperate - it just means you're open and ready for a relationship. Best of luck!

Thanks for your advice. It's the last week of the semester next week for one of my classes where I have the chance to see that one girl that's in the class next to me. Not the one that smokes in which I found out has a boyfriend, but another person who appears to have more in common with me. So hopefully I get to see her again one last time and get an opportunity to ask for some contact information. God she's so pretty...

[foreverdissevered]

Look at asian girls in gereral. Look at the world's perceptive of asians.
Smart, Tricky, Greedy. Being an asian myself... and my own azn friends. I have to admit, azns are generally much more conservative toward others than americans. Why did i mention this? What is the key factor here? "Greed". Other races and cultures, date ppl of their own ethinity. Asian girls? Nah. Asian guys want to date asian girls? Yes. Asian girls tend to look for support, riches, confidential enviroment, and fulfilled destiny. Us, the azn guys over the seas. How many of us dosnt have citizenship. How many of us have to worry about scholarships? How many of us feel left out, timid, and shy?
So ask yourselves... why would asian girls date us when they can live a fine life with somebody from another race and not having to bear with the prejudice that bears on us...
If asian girls marry asian guys, wont that partly seperate them from this enviroment?
What really depresses me about this is... How come asian girls dont care about their own culture and race? Where is the pride...

[Vexx]

Life tends to be about the people around you .... in a multi-cultural multi-racial country like the US, there's just a lot of interesting variety and possibilities. Your remark "Other races and cultures, date ppl of their own ethinity." is only usually true when the majority of people around you are of your ethnicity.

Frankly, its a bit insulting to say asian girls "don't care" about their own culture and race. Many of them go out of their way to make sure their offspring get the benefits (and maybe fewer of the downsides) of their culture. There's really no such thing as "race" --- that's just surface variation. Humans have always been pretty fluid about expanding the gene pool. It makes a bit more sense to talk about culture though that is also a rather fluid thing over the centuries.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by foreverdissevered

Look at asian girls in gereral. Look at the world's perceptive of asians.
Smart, Tricky, Greedy. Being an asian myself... and my own azn friends. I have to admit, azns are generally much more conservative toward others than americans. Why did i mention this? What is the key factor here? "Greed". Other races and cultures, date ppl of their own ethinity. Asian girls? Nah. Asian guys want to date asian girls? Yes. Asian girls tend to look for support, riches, confidential enviroment, and fulfilled destiny. Us, the azn guys over the seas. How many of us dosnt have citizenship. How many of us have to worry about scholarships? How many of us feel left out, timid, and shy?
So ask yourselves... why would asian girls date us when they can live a fine life with somebody from another race and not having to bear with the prejudice that bears on us...
If asian girls marry asian guys, wont that partly seperate them from this enviroment?
What really depresses me about this is... How come asian girls dont care about their own culture and race? Where is the pride...

That description applies to certain foreign girls in general, not just Asians. How do you relate what you said to Asian American girls?

[tripperazn]

Originally Posted by foreverdissevered

Other races and cultures, date ppl of their own ethinity.

You are indirectly contradicting yourself with that statement. If other "races" didn't date outside their own race, why would a non-asian guy date an asian girl in the first place? You're 14, get some real life experience before you make such sweeping statements.

As an Asian guy currently living in the states, I'll admit that we do get a bit shafted in the dating department. A disturbing number of my Asian guy friends graduated high school without any dating experience.

To paraphrase my Psych textbooks- much of attraction is influenced by the media and how society reacts to the appearance of certain individuals. By this principle, you can pretty much understand why other races with more media presence have a tendency to date within their own race. I've been in the States for quite a while and the presence of Asian men on TV is virtually zero. Actors like Jet Li and Jackie Chan represent a tiny fraction of Hollywood celebrities. Asian men are far more likely to be portrayed as "nerdy" than "hot/attractive". That's just the current reality. The worst thing is that a majority of Asian guys don't dress well and aren't that sociable, which only confirms what the media stereotypes.

@bluejazz87: Thanks a lot for posting this, many Asian guys need to just take that one step and break the ice, NOT desperate at all. If you live right next to Stanford (I live on campus) you should know, pickings here are not at all slim for Asian girls. If you date exclusively Japanese it would be tough, since there are oh so few Japanese girls here. Which is all the more reason not to let up on her! ganbare!

[Papaya]

Originally Posted by tripperazn

You are indirectly contradicting yourself with that statement. If other "races" didn't date outside their own race, why would a non-asian guy date an asian girl in the first place? You're 14, get some real life experience before you make such sweeping statements.

As an Asian guy currently living in the states, I'll admit that we do get a bit shafted in the dating department. A disturbing number of my Asian guy friends graduated high school without any dating experience.

To paraphrase my Psych textbooks- much of attraction is influenced by the media and how society reacts to the appearance of certain individuals. By this principle, you can pretty much understand why other races with more media presence have a tendency to date within their own race. I've been in the States for quite a while and the presence of Asian men on TV is virtually zero. Actors like Jet Li and Jackie Chan represent a tiny fraction of Hollywood celebrities. Asian men are far more likely to be portrayed as "nerdy" than "hot/attractive". That's just the current reality. The worst thing is that a majority of Asian guys don't dress well and aren't that sociable, which only confirms what the media stereotypes.

@bluejazz87: Thanks a lot for posting this, many Asian guys need to just take that one step and break the ice, NOT desperate at all. If you live right next to Stanford (I live on campus) you should know, pickings here are not at all slim for Asian girls. If you date exclusively Japanese it would be tough, since there are oh so few Japanese girls here. Which is all the more reason not to let up on her! ganbare!

Pretty sure bluejazz87 is black yo.

[tripperazn]

Originally Posted by bluejazz87

I think she's also Japanese.

Am I reading this wrong? Not to mention that if he is black then the post would have been pretty off-topic.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by tripperazn

Am I reading this wrong? Not to mention that if he is black then the post would have been pretty off-topic.

Yes I am black. I know the topic is about Asian girls not dating Asian men supposedly, but I thought this would be an appropriate place to talk about my situation. Instead of making an entire new thread about it. Especially since the discussion evolved way beyond the article.

[Vexx]

aye, it isn't off-topic so much as just an example of how the thread topic isn't as "true" as myth would have it since bluejazz is having some trouble getting the lasses to drop shields

[HASHIRIYA]

Originally Posted by Vexx

No, that was just completely bleeping perfect. One secret that many guys just seem to miss the obvious --- girls are people.

this dude speaks the truth
idolizing girls will get you no where, just makes you believe they are to good for you...

honestly this is one of those threads where there is no right or no wrong answer as it will vary differently with every one with many different reasons.