Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[Comartemis]

Ironically Kotaro's description of Kanka sounds exactly like magic. Increased physical strength? Yup. Haste? Yup. Physical/magical defence increase? Yup. Resistances? Yup.

Not really. Maybe if you had a single spell that did all that at once that could be triggered more or less at will by anybody who learned it it would qualify as Nanohaverse magic, but in the context of Negima it's basically Akamatsu's version of going Super Saiyan or switching into Full Drive, though the power increase isn't anywhere near so dramatic as it is with SSJs.

About this thing on Aces, I highly suggest you don't do it. Don't label him as one, most OC starts to stink of munchkin/ mary sueness once an author tries to make a character better or as good as the Stronger Canon Cast members.

Currently there are only 2 OCs imo that even deserved to be called an Ace. One would be Keroko because he inserted her (Damn you Keroko for making me start to think of you as a girl even when i know you're a guy) very seemlessly into canon. The other would be Aurion. Main reason would be Hayaurion, 'nuff said

Thing is he's there from the very beginning, he's of similar power to the Aces like Chrono is, but he sticks around and stays one of the main characters well into StrikerS and beyond. It's not a reference to his power level, but to his status as one of the Main Characters of Comacanon, same way Keroko is in Kerocanon.

[dkellis]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Ironically Kotaro's description of Kanka sounds exactly like magic. Increased physical strength? Yup. Haste? Yup. Physical/magical defence increase? Yup. Resistances? Yup.

Reminds me of some debates I've heard about D&D sources of powers. To use 4E examples, since I have the book right in front of me (as opposed to Where The Hell Did It Go 3.5E): Wizards have Scorching Burst, while Clerics use Avenging Flame. One uses Arcane while the other uses Divine, but the net result is still lots of fire damage.

[krisslanza]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Thing is he's there from the very beginning, he's of similar power to the Aces like Chrono is, but he sticks around and stays one of the main characters well into StrikerS and beyond. It's not a reference to his power level, but to his status as one of the Main Characters of Comacanon, same way Keroko is in Kerocanon.

Chrono is on the level of the Aces in power...?
I thought they passed him during sometime between A's and StrikerS

And I have to disagree slightly. The "main character" of a timeline doesn't need to be up there with the main characters. Since by that reasoning I have to make Rune stronger since she's the "main character" of my Arc-en-Ciel timeline... But she's certainly not.

She has strengths yes but she isn't anywhere experienced enough to defeat any of the Aces (She can't even beat Signum) - at least not without potentially killing herself and kind of defeating the purpose.

Really I think the only thing a "main character" needs is it needs to be well... Kind of center. It should be ideally told from their point of view or experiences (most of the time). They don't need to be up in the strength of canon characters to get that "title".

[Comartemis]

Chrono is on the level of the Aces in power...?

Last time I checked, he was AAA-ranked during A's and I doubt he'd slack off on his training during the timeskip even with his admiral rank. Part of my reasoning for considering pitting him against Fate Averruncus during StrikerS Remix.

And I have to disagree slightly. The "main character" of a timeline doesn't need to be up there with the main characters.

No, I suppose they don't need to, per say.... but I think it's more fun and more interesting to do it that way, at least in this case.

Now I've never read Arc-en-Ciel, but I'm going to take a guess that there are at least a few enemies in your fic that your character can handle on her own, right? The thing is that Comacanon is based strongly on Nanoha canon with a lot of extras thrown in, and there aren't all that many enemies in the canon timeline that anything short of an Ace can deal with. Fate Testarossa? Chrono could've taken her and so could Nanoha by season's end, but not your typical B-rank grunt. How about the Wolkenritter? Nope, too strong even for the Aces at first. The Book of Darkness? You're kidding, right?

And Comacanon-specific enemies aren't much better. A partially-unsealed Evangeline is going to pose big problems for everyone who crosses her, never mind what Fate Averruncus and Cyphus Kane can do without even trying too hard. None of those three enemies could be handled by anything less than an Ace, and to top this all off, there's an overarching plot element I'm considering where, when Cyphus shows up in the A's climax to reclaim the Book of Darkness's data from Rein #1, there's a good chance that he'll take the Wolkenritter with him.

In canon, their core programs were transferred into Schwertkreuz before Rein passed on (I think....), but she doesn't have the opportunity to do that here, so the Wolks wind up serving a new master with no memories of Hayate (who is devastated by her inability to protect them and hurls herself into Training From Hell with Evangeline that prevents her from becoming a glass cannon). Or more likely there's a backup data file in Rein's data core which could restore their memories, leading to an inevitable Wolks vs Hayate "I Know You're In There Somewhere" match at some point in the future.

Anyways, the point is that Alex is equal to the Aces because he has to be equal to the Aces. If he's too much weaker he'll just be an ineffectual tagalong who doesn't accomplish anything, and that's no fun to write.

[tshouryuu]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

No, I suppose they don't need to, per say.... but I think it's more fun and more interesting to do it that way, at least in this case.

Now I've never read Arc-en-Ciel, but I'm going to take a guess that there are at least a few enemies in your fic that your character can handle on her own, right? The thing is that Comacanon is based strongly on Nanoha canon with a lot of extras thrown in, and there aren't all that many enemies in the canon timeline that anything short of an Ace can deal with. Fate Testarossa? Chrono could've taken her and so could Nanoha by season's end, but not your typical B-rank grunt. How about the Wolkenritter? Nope, too strong even for the Aces at first. The Book of Darkness? You're kidding, right?

And Comacanon-specific enemies aren't much better. A partially-unsealed Evangeline is going to pose big problems for everyone who crosses her, never mind what Fate Averruncus and Cyphus Kane can do without even trying too hard. None of those three enemies could be handled by anything less than an Ace, and to top this all off, there's an overarching plot element I'm considering where, when Cyphus shows up in the A's climax to reclaim the Book of Darkness's data from Rein #1, there's a good chance that he'll take the Wolkenritter with him.

In canon, their core programs were transferred into Schwertkreuz before Rein passed on (I think....), but she doesn't have the opportunity to do that here, so the Wolks wind up serving a new master with no memories of Hayate (who is devastated by her inability to protect them and hurls herself into Training From Hell with Evangeline that prevents her from becoming a glass cannon). Or more likely there's a backup data file in Rein's data core which could restore their memories, leading to an inevitable Wolks vs Hayate "I Know You're In There Somewhere" match at some point in the future.

Anyways, the point is that Alex is equal to the Aces because he has to be equal to the Aces. If he's too much weaker he'll just be an ineffectual tagalong who doesn't accomplish anything, and that's no fun to write.

And this is probably why I believe Sheba calls you a munchkin. Usually an OC who is as strong as the canon cast and essentially takes the main character status becomes a Mary Sue. With your tendencies, I'm expecting Alex to become a God Mode Sue extremely fast.

My Tais is essentially rather useless but he is fun to write (at least when I used to write, no inspiration now). Some people (I hope) find him fun as well with all the wacky hijinks he gets into. You don't have to powerful to have a good time writing your characters. Think about it.

[Sheba]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Ironically Kotaro's description of Kanka sounds exactly like magic. Increased physical strength? Yup. Haste? Yup. Physical/magical defence increase? Yup. Resistances? Yup.

Sounds like Belka alright.

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Not really. Maybe if you had a single spell that did all that at once that could be triggered more or less at will by anybody who learned it it would qualify as Nanohaverse magic, but in the context of Negima it's basically Akamatsu's version of going Super Saiyan or switching into Full Drive, though the power increase isn't anywhere near so dramatic as it is with SSJs.

Nanoha Mages are faster then normal humans, hit harder and are tougher as soon as they start using magic. Same thing with Kanka, really.

But Kanka really isn't as powerfull as you make it out to be, its just that the only users we've seen are just freakishly powerfull.

will reply to other stuff later, I've been drafted to help out DTPing a large amount of documents. -_- needless to say, making a main character is no crime, and making them on par with the Aces isn't either (hell, its what I do on a constant basis) but you must remember to resist the urge to have your OC solve all the problems.

[Kha]

I'm on fire, so I continued...

Spoiler for 2lt. Kha shovon Touareg:

Biodata

Name: 2nd Lieutenant Kha Testarossa (in Cadian tradition, he took his wife's name, as it is an expression of great love.)
Age: 19
Birthday: 12-03-0056
Grade: Belka Ritter Class A.
Height: 175cm
Weight: 75kg
Hair: Red

Eyes: Brown-yellow. Sometimes wears glasses, low degree. He has perfect eyesight in his Knight Armor form.

Personality: Gruff yet courteous, and resilient individual brought up with equal parts of hard knocks and everyday life. Not exactly sharp in tongue nor totally loose, Kha exudes a warm, amiable aura, but when duty calls/danger beckons, he immediately swaps to a seasoned marshal's. A proud son of Outer Cadia.

Usual wear: Often in alternating uniform, since his designated post is in both Navy and the Saint Guard, casual everyday wear when off-duty.

Magic Type: Neo-Belka-type, Marine color.

Devices: Charade, a magical handgun (managun), and an Honor Blade (given to Commissars).

Armor: Saint Guard (standard green) Cadian pattern Commissar garb. Kha leaves the swabs of cloth and red peak cap that Commissars usually don off as they got in his way, and as such looks one with his men.

Basically, take Kha's KA designed by -Fate-, recolor it khaki and green, remove the jacket skirt and replace the mask with a comms headset.

Background

Cadians

"The most fearsome warriors the multiverse has ever known. Taught never to retreat, never to surrender, for a death in the battlefield was the greatest glory a man could ever achieve in his life..."

Times may have changed since the city of Cadia actually saw war, but tradition lives on just fine. Kha, like most Cadian boys, started on the sword young. And like them, he went to school and just glided through life, not exactly doing exceedingly well, nor floundering near the bottom. But Kha was good enough to win a Church Knights bursary with his academic and magical test scores, which led him to enroll in the Church's part-time training program at 12. It would be here where'd Kha make several friends who would become future officers in the 8th Outer Cadian regiment, and his garrulous bull-rushing comrade-in-arms, Artei von Braummuhl.

All along, Kha never felt any trouble with being destined to be a soldier like his forefathers, but neither does he actually like being a soldier. It's just... the way it is, and he left it as that.

The scholarship saw him spend equal parts of time in school, and at the TSAB's mage academy, along with other part-timers. These included Fate and the others, however due to the arrangements of the classes and the frequency the Aces had to skip classes, he only managed to meet Fate, and on scattered occasions at that. He did hear of Nanoha's accident, and tried his best to comfort a distraught classmate, but that was it.

Before graduation, about the only major influence Kha had on Fate was his encouragement of her to take in the kid she rescued, Erio, that despite what she thought of herself, the boy knew Fate had it in her.

Things only started getting more interesting after they graduated at 16, to start with the on-the-job leg of training. During the vacation, Kha's friends were off-planet and Fate had a major magical rank test coming up. She had already failed it twice before. The other Aces and the Wolkies were doing their best to help her at that time. Kha volunteered to help as well, having nothing better to do.

And so on one particular training session, Fate showed up with a boy no one had met before.

Imagine the ruckus.

After repeated weathering a ton of Lindy's jokes, others' nudges and Chrono's distaste, things soon settled into a new routine. Kha's knack at mimicking how other people back at the Academy fought brought much variability and challenge dispite his disparity in strength against Fate. It was about that time when he was experimenting with Tracing, an ancient art of replicating another person's device and spells, and trading blows with the lightning-fast mage taught him how to move, think, conjure and strike at practically the same time.

And off the practice boards, it was just as exhilarating. Yuuno and Kha eventually became really good buddies, and both earned the disdain of "Admiral" Chrono. Lindy manage to get Kha clearance to visit Earth along with them when they went back for a break. It was even wilder on Earth, with the mad preparations for school spring festival, Fate's farewell concert (much coercion included), stubborn student council showdowns...

And somewhere along the line, something lead to another thing and another, and something happened that only Kha and Fate never noticed, until the final moments to Fate's big test.

Kha confessed, and got his reply.

Meister & Commander

Fate passed her A (S?) rank test on her third try, and Kha was drafted into the Saint Guard proper. He quickly earned his 2Lt. rank and assigned to a new section of shocktrooper Guardsmen as their Commissar. They were frequently attached to Navy ships during exercises as insert troops, their Belka enhancement training allowing them to weather incoming fire and perform well in close quarters, backed up by their blades and their special-issue manarifles (managun for Kha) or heavy devices.

As a commander, Kha was demanding of his men and himself. His personal example earned him unconditional respect. In important matters, he maintained the discipline expected of an Outer Cadian unit, but also knew when to turn a blind eye, a quality that displeased many a Commissar. Kha's greatest strength though was that he had an idea of how an Outer Cadian unit should fight; not for him was the blind charging in so beloved to other Saint Guard officers. Kha mixed resolute defence with blistering counter-attacks, proving himself over time that he is capable of commanding a platoon.

Friend & Family

Fortunately for them, Kha and Fate continued to work together, either by chance, or by choice if Fate knew which ship Kha was on.

Kha took to training Erio whenever Fate was busy; And when both were out, Kha's parents, an ex-veteran of the Damocles Gulf War and a florist, took over. Allison, then finally Caro, would come later.

MC 0075. Fate would eventually join Riot 6, and it was Kha again who convinced Fate's idea of bringing their 3 charges along wasn't flawed.

Kha, and Artei, at the start of the same year, was assigned to the Licht von Belka, leading one of the few units of Inquisitorial Stormtroopers drawn from the exalted city of warriors, Outer Cadia.

And a hidden Dawn of War is fast approaching...

Next: Combat Data >>>

In the fluff I made, shovon is Belka dialect for son of.

Basically, I took the heaps of complaints, rolled them up and smoked them.

Most surprisingly though, in trying to avoid all the pitfalls of Sueism, and running from out-of-universe Khrack by following the rules of real life, I ended up with a romance storyline!

And for those who catch what I'm doing, Creed is awesome.

Do note that I don't really have much plans with this Kha, just attempting to build him again, then revisiting him periodically when I dream up something or spot a mistake. However, you guys know how careless I can be in thought... So any trouble so far?


Errata: It may look like I broke canon with the TSAB Mage Academy, but I swear everything fits. It's why I said Fate went to a part-time course, and even Kha as a part-timer hardly sees her, which tells of how much time she spends on Earth.

I wonder if I broke something else by accident... Please leave any comments here I'll respond to them when I return. I'll also update the errata.

[krisslanza]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Last time I checked, he was AAA-ranked during A's and I doubt he'd slack off on his training during the timeskip even with his admiral rank. Part of my reasoning for considering pitting him against Fate Averruncus during StrikerS Remix.

Well I suppose that's open to debate really and would differ from person to person... I myself would think he hasn't really considering now he sits in a shiny spaceship that has the power to level a city with a big time and space raping gun.

No, I suppose they don't need to, per say.... but I think it's more fun and more interesting to do it that way, at least in this case.

Now I've never read Arc-en-Ciel, but I'm going to take a guess that there are at least a few enemies in your fic that your character can handle on her own, right? The thing is that Comacanon is based strongly on Nanoha canon with a lot of extras thrown in, and there aren't all that many enemies in the canon timeline that anything short of an Ace can deal with. Fate Testarossa? Chrono could've taken her and so could Nanoha by season's end, but not your typical B-rank grunt. How about the Wolkenritter? Nope, too strong even for the Aces at first. The Book of Darkness? You're kidding, right?

And Comacanon-specific enemies aren't much better. A partially-unsealed Evangeline is going to pose big problems for everyone who crosses her, never mind what Fate Averruncus and Cyphus Kane can do without even trying too hard. None of those three enemies could be handled by anything less than an Ace, and to top this all off, there's an overarching plot element I'm considering where, when Cyphus shows up in the A's climax to reclaim the Book of Darkness's data from Rein #1, there's a good chance that he'll take the Wolkenritter with him.

In canon, their core programs were transferred into Schwertkreuz before Rein passed on (I think....), but she doesn't have the opportunity to do that here, so the Wolks wind up serving a new master with no memories of Hayate (who is devastated by her inability to protect them and hurls herself into Training From Hell with Evangeline that prevents her from becoming a glass cannon). Or more likely there's a backup data file in Rein's data core which could restore their memories, leading to an inevitable Wolks vs Hayate "I Know You're In There Somewhere" match at some point in the future.

Anyways, the point is that Alex is equal to the Aces because he has to be equal to the Aces. If he's too much weaker he'll just be an ineffectual tagalong who doesn't accomplish anything, and that's no fun to write.

Hmmmm so the idea is because the enemies in your timeline are strong is the reason the "main" has to be strong? I suppose that makes it logical... Although I don't know if he would still need to be 'Ace level' strong exactly - as shown by Chrono proper experience and tactics can overcome a mage rank.

And on the topic of my own storyline... I suppose its tough to say. Varistans aren't what you consider "powerful" individually. It's if there happens to be a battleship in orbit or something to glass you and the surrounding area... Although a Varistan is also strong enough to crack your neck - but no mage is gonna let that happen easily so I digress.

Also I need to point out this ONE line:

Anyways, the point is that Alex is equal to the Aces because he has to be equal to the Aces.

This I have to disagree with. A character should never need to be a certain level of strength. Rather you believe he has to be this level in order for him to be "shown" more? As Shouryuu pointed out a main character doesn't necessarily have to be the strongest or among the strongest.

When you make a OC, as pointed out a lot, it's always tricky when they start reaching CC-level strength or beyond. It's not impossible (As Keroko has stated) it'll just cause everyone to scrutinize it that much more.

And if I make no sense blame that fact I just woke up

[Wild Goose]

With regards to OCs and stuff, I would like to point out something:

As a charecter, as an entity that I have molded and created, Franz is rather dear to me. I talk about him alot. As much as Comar talks about Alex, actually. I can't help it. It's because I created him and I like him.

And yet Franz has been one of the most well-received OCs in Cadia.

Consider.

....basically I'd post more but I'm tired and have been standing up for hours. And even when I get home I get no rest, since I gotta stand for hours behind my dad and help him with wordpress, blind leading the blind.

@Shou: I freely admit I'm not as impressive as I was. Haxxbusting ATC, the emergence of Comar, debating with "Professor" ark and my grandmother's death have apparently rubbed away most of my niceness. I'll even honestly admit that I don't care much for your work...

...

...

...

...except the My Name is Tais. Dude. Seriously. Forget everything. Tais is gold. Pure gold. MOAR TAIS YUI HIJINKS!

Besides, if you don't continue wrtiting Tais Yui Hijinks, when are we going to get to Tsuzuki making a human body for Cortana so that she can do battle with Master Chief's fangirls?!

[Ryand-Smith]

Comartemis , I have to agree with the crowd here. My most powerful OC, Brian is AA, possibly Trippe A, and to keep him fair, he can't fly.

Also Part Two of my Story, Revived for ERRORS AND SPELLING.

Spoiler for Chapter 2, More Attacks of Steel!:

Chapter The Second

Aura, still in the middle of the fight was surprised to see her father submit to her, so easily, but she took the victory to heart, simply saying, "Dad, I told you," "I don't have tome for that, Aura," he curtly said, "We have invaders... and I don't know why they would want to attack us... " Brian's face, normally filled with enthusiasm suddenly switched to frustration. "Shifter lets go, see who the hell would interrupt us.." Aura had left already, the young mage blasting through the halls of the advanced base. Ground mages shouted futile warnings, while the base shook with each shot, the mostly undefended base under attack by the mysterious force. The first of the combat cyborgs had arrived. In this case, a large shot, that after the fact would be ranked as at least Double A, simply defeated Aura. in one blow, the young woman not even noting her assault. "Dieci, attacking the targets," the cold woman said, as the beam of energy blast fired from her rifle. The flying girl, her pride bruised as much as her body, fell down to the ground, while Sette flew in. The blades of cool energy were a dramatic flair, as she simply cut open parts of Aura's barrier jacket, taking them as a sign of vitory.

On the topside of the battle Brian looked on in horror at his daughter, while shouting to the rest of the guard. "Well then, if these invaders want our base, Iron Heart, I'll have to show them our true power! We must break out and make sure we survive!" Gears spun, the Staff started to glow, and a slight blue tone appeared around the Colonel. He flew down to the hastily made defenses, where as soon as men tried to stand up, a mysterious agent walked through the walls, kicking, taunting, and hijacking their weapons. "Colonel, this being can wall walk, its like some sort of hacks! My men can't stand up to this for long!" Brian shighed, and simply stated "Move your men out, I heard over the con before it went silent that command and the Nanoha unit were under attack. I'll buy you enough time to get the Wild RAY E and Wild REX prototypes... If the last of project PTX does not escape, this entire base was..." The commander nodded, while the rest of the troopers rushed to the waiting ship...

"Well then, Miss, I am Brian Dussander, the wielder of the Iron Heart, Adopted son of the Dussander Clan! Origin Shifter, There is nothing we cannot beat!" Brian laughed at himself, the chant a joke of his, but there would be a real fight ahead of him. Before he could fall into more self-introspection, a kick stopped him. "Lets go... Dussander" the number taunted, before she jumped into the wall. As he waited for her next attack, Origin Striker glew slightly as Brian waited for the cyborg to return. Almost obliging his request, Sein flew from the wall, kicking the staff onto the ground. "Just as planned.." he thought, as Brian slugged the woman with his right hand, the fist having several iron rounds in his hand. " vollberuhigter Stahl" The device shouted, as small marbles slammed into Sien, knocking her from her perch.

She did not take these attacks lying down, responding with two swift kicks to the chest. Brain struggled to his feet, uttering, "Damn bitch," before he rolled down, quickly grabing his staff. Sein looked at him, and suddenly, she seductively said. "Well well, as fun as our fight was... I have to leave... Kiss Kiss, Dussander... " Before Brian could cast a spell, the woman quickly flew through a wall. "Damn, Shifter, I wonder how Aura is doing..."

[FlameSparkZ]

Originally Posted by Estavali

A bit on the familar stuff, there are times when I wonder whether Tsuzuki and Nasu are sharing notes:

Spoiler for Familiars in Nanohaverse, courtesy of selkirk:

Spoiler for Familiars in Nasuverse, courtesy of arai of fuyuki.pubwiki:

Note that Tsuzuki straightout prohibits the use of human familiars while Nasu does, though the latter makes it clear that magi generally don't prefer that option, due to the unnecessarily-large mana drain in addition to moral reasons.

The question of familiarial loyalty can answered from selkirk's post. Familiars are sympathetic to their masters' wishes and will put them in the first place. Linith clearly knows that Precia will only treat Fate as no more but a convenient high-end tool, but she still continued with her mistress' instructions, even though internally she was torn between her loyalty to Precia and her love for Fate. I would say that like Nasu's familiars, Tsuzuki's are somewhat extentions to their creators, as they can have access to their masters' memories and thought unless specifically blocked out. In a certain way, Fate's initial relationship to Precia may be, or perhaps, is a clear demonstration of the master-familiar relationship (of course, Fate isn't a familiar, but I personally doubt Precia doesn't see her as anything else). While the contract implies that the masters may generally view familiars as short-term or, as Jimmy reminds us, mission-specific employees, it's clear that the familiars have a greater attachment to their creators, or perhaps, to see it in a more cynical light, they know rebellion will only spell their doom and out of self-preservation, chooses not to.

Fate clearly shows that not all familiars are created for work only. The novel, which is our basic source of Fate, Precia and Linith's background story other than the SSs, suggests that Arf's creation may be due to Fate's sympathy to a dying animal, or her wish for a playmate.

Hmm...nice info there *writes it down for future use*

Also gave me an idea for a familiar OC
*warps away*

[Comartemis]

PF has just sent me a rather eye-opening IRC conversation, so I'll have to respond to these posts later, once I've fully digested everything that was said about me and come up with some responses. For those who were involved in said conversation... thank you for at least being honest, even if you were being honest about me behind my back. I assure you that there are no hard feelings on this end.

It's... interesting and irritating to know that I'm still pissing people off with my modus operandi despite all the steps I thought I'd taken; apparently I still have that much more to learn before I become worthy of calling myself an Outer Cadian.

More to be said, but I'm not sure how to say it. Be back in a while.

[Evangelion Xgouki]

Originally Posted by Sheba

Then I remembered AARON SMASH...

And has gone to write a slice of life bit to check if I still has the writing groove:

Spoiler for A slice of life part 1:

*snip*

Depending on the reception, I may or may not continue it.

And I realized one thing, dialogues were never my forte. So my stories tend to kinda look like a spaghetti western by Sergio Leone.

I like it . Just doing shorts on a character's daily life can reveal a lot about them and be used to develop their character and relationships with others. Keep going

[Comartemis]

Okay, I’m back.

Now problem #1 as presented to me in the IRC discussion was the way I present my characters. I’m still not entirely clear on what tshouryuu and Sheba mean by my presentation but I’m guessing it has something to do with how I try to hash out details on Outer Cadia before I do anything with them. My response to them is thus: what do you want me to do, crank out a fully-developed idea that gets shot down because somebody important didn’t like a critical detail in the character’s background?

Problem #2 related to issues raised regarding Comacanon and how I’m fusing Negima and Nanoha together. The general consensus was that I was “ramming them together with a sledgehammer” so to speak, and I disagree. The only part of the series I’ve come across so far that cannot be effectively ported is the setting in which Negima takes place, which simply replaces the Earth of Nanoha canon. Everything that follows afterwards is being merged into Nanoha canon in regards to the consequences of the Magic World Earth being connected to the TSAB, like the Ala Rubra working for the Saint Church to stop the constant warfare in the Magic World and reclaim the last scion of what they believe may be an offshoot of the Belkan Royal Family, namely Asuna.

Some of you will probably say that I’m doing this the wrong way, that I should merge Negima smoothly into Nanoha canon. Believe me, I thought about that too and it didn’t work.

There are several goals I want to accomplish in Comacanon which are directly tied into the setting as it stands now.

1. Create an epic story branching across all three seasons and tying their respective conflicts together into one massive grand finale which may or may not result in the resurrection of the Belkan Empire several years after StrikerS.
2. De-shaft Hayate and make her one of the Aces proper instead of a nigh-useless glass cannon.
3. Introduce an OC of power similar to the Aces and get him past the haxxbusters, partially just to prove that I can pull off a believable Ace but also to integrate him smoothly into Comacanon the same way Keroko did in Kerocanon.
4. Integrate Suzuka and Arisa into the story as mages in their own right.
5. Work Negima into the series as full-blown crossover instead of a mere port.

There’s more but those are the biggest and most important goals I have for Comacanon.

Now the problem comes from moving Mahora and putting it somewhere other than on Earth. I had the thought originally to make Mahora into a civilian school on Mid-Childa but that removes it and the characters residing there from all importance in the plot.

First, if Mahora is on Mid, then Eva’s on Mid. If Eva’s on Mid, then there’s no reason to bring in Alex to counter her power while Nanoha is still new and inexperienced and thus no basis for Comacanon. Conversely, leaving Mahora on Earth but taking Alex out means that the first time Nanoha meets Eva, Eva will just snap Nanoha’s neck to get her Jewel Seeds, which she’s using to try to break the Infernus Scholasticus curse. As it is, Alex is going to constantly be on the ropes whenever he fights Eva, but this keeps Eva from having too much of an impact on Nanoha’s battles and interactions with Fate, which proceed more or less as normal thanks to Alex’s status as Eva’s personal punching bag.

And on that note… no, Tshouryuu, Alex is not going to be a God Mode Sue any more than the other Aces are. He can and will be defeated as often if not more often than the others are.

Second, with a magic-less Earth like we have in Nanoha canon, there’s no way that I can see to get Suzuka and Arisa involved in the fun. With all kinds of magical weirdness taking place on Mahora campus grounds, this is much less of an issue when S&A become Negi’s pactio partners.

Third, just putting Asuna in and disregarding Mahora and all the other Negima elements entirely would create a pointless crossover that would leave most people (at least, most people on Fukufics, and I tend to trust their word a great deal when it comes to writing fanfiction) wondering “why put her in at all? Why not just make an OC with identical attributes?”

Now I could just port every single character of significance into Nanoha and put them all in the Ground Forces or something, but I really wouldn't have the faintest idea of what to do with them all. The Ala Alba might make an interesting Saint Church counterpart to Riot Force Six, but I don't know...

[aldw]

I had some plans for a Negima/Nanoha fusionfic myself before I started working on another scifi story, but I may be able to provide some input for Comar's story (many of his ideas I had been thinking of also, and I had an OC that would make Eva look like a spoiled brat ).

A good fusion should blend the canons seemlessly, of which the devil is in the details. Arisa and Suzuka could attend Mahora's magic school to assist them in magical training, and the Earth magic education system(s) can be considered complimentary to Mid-childa and Belka arts in their instructional capacity. The Magic World's Great War could be considered one of the TSABs big peacekeeping efforts, assisted by talented third-party magic groups such as Ala Rubra. I can come up with some more ideas if need be.

One thing about strength in a story, it should be treated as a plot moving element first, it in itself does not make or break a story's quality. Just look at Star Wars or the Culture series by Ian Banks to see how ultra-power is a means to an end for their storyverse.

[Saint X]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Okay, I’m back.

And?

*reads on*

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Now problem #1 as presented to me in the IRC discussion was the way I present my characters. I’m still not entirely clear on what tshouryuu and Sheba mean by my presentation but I’m guessing it has something to do with how I try to hash out details on Outer Cadia before I do anything with them. My response to them is thus: what do you want me to do, crank out a fully-developed idea that gets shot down because somebody important didn’t like a critical detail in the character’s background?

I'll let the others answer this, since i'm still chuckling at your efforts.

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Problem #2 related to issues raised regarding Comacanon and how I’m fusing Negima and Nanoha together. The general consensus was that I was “ramming them together with a sledgehammer” so to speak, and I disagree. The only part of the series I’ve come across so far that cannot be effectively ported is the setting in which Negima takes place, which simply replaces the Earth of Nanoha canon. Everything that follows afterwards is being merged into Nanoha canon in regards to the consequences of the Magic World Earth being connected to the TSAB, like the Ala Rubra working for the Saint Church to stop the constant warfare in the Magic World and reclaim the last scion of what they believe may be an offshoot of the Belkan Royal Family, namely Asuna.

Some of you will probably say that I’m doing this the wrong way, that I should merge Negima smoothly into Nanoha canon. Believe me, I thought about that too and it didn’t work.

There are several goals I want to accomplish in Comacanon which are directly tied into the setting as it stands now.

And?

*reads on*

Originally Posted by Comartemis

1. Create an epic story branching across all three seasons and tying their respective conflicts together into one massive grand finale which may or may not result in the resurrection of the Belkan Empire several years after StrikerS.

If you're going to tie in the Mundus Magicus and the Midchilda events together, you are then violating a premise- Earth is Supposed to have no magical potential

but that's just me... i can try and slip in some theories but not for now, i'm busy with my own works

Originally Posted by Comartemis

2. De-shaft Hayate and make her one of the Aces proper instead of a nigh-useless glass cannon.

common goal of all- carry on

Originally Posted by Comartemis

3. Introduce an OC of power similar to the Aces and get him past the haxxbusters, partially just to prove that I can pull off a believable Ace but also to integrate him smoothly into Comacanon the same way Keroko did in Kerocanon.

Will now be monitoring...

Originally Posted by Comartemis

4. Integrate Suzuka and Arisa into the story as mages in their own right.

My idea... let's see how you can do it.

So far i have some special devices and a Magical Emulator user ideas at the moment

Originally Posted by Comartemis

5. Work Negima into the series as full-blown crossover instead of a mere port.

That is the one thing that i'm having full problems with

I (technically Kha and I) have plans but i'm not willing to share it until you show off yours

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Now the problem comes from moving Mahora and putting it somewhere other than on Earth. I had the thought originally to make Mahora into a civilian school on Mid-Childa but that removes it and the characters residing there from all importance in the plot.

First, if Mahora is on Mid, then Eva’s on Mid. If Eva’s on Mid, then there’s no reason to bring in Alex to counter her power while Nanoha is still new and inexperienced and thus no basis for Comacanon.

now that is also hard, as Mahora is one of the more notable schools on Earth, unless you also plan to rewrite Negima from the beginning as well- which i will not be in agreement with

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Conversely, leaving Mahora on Earth but taking Alex out means that the first time Nanoha meets Eva, Eva will just snap Nanoha’s neck to get her Jewel Seeds, which she’s using to try to break the Infernus Scholasticus curse.

unless they have some intel/info regarding the Seeds from some insider midchildan, it is highly unlikely that she or even the Mahora Commune (that's what i call them) would even know

and even if they know, they would also brand these as dangerous, unless they are risking it

Originally Posted by Comartemis

And on that note… no, Tshouryuu, Alex is not going to be a God Mode Sue any more than the other Aces are. He can and will be defeated as often if not more often than the others are.

*Saint X notes what he said*

will be tracking

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Second, with a magic-less Earth like we have in Nanoha canon, there’s no way that I can see to get Suzuka and Arisa involved in the fun.

There are other ways

i have ideas but not sharing unless you show up your ideas

Originally Posted by Comartemis

With all kinds of magical weirdness taking place on Mahora campus grounds, this is much less of an issue when S&A become Negi’s pactio partners.

Pactio huh?

again another hard issue

Originally Posted by Comartemis

Third, just putting Asuna in and disregarding Mahora and all the other Negima elements entirely would create a pointless crossover that would leave most people (at least, most people on Fukufics, and I tend to trust their word a great deal when it comes to writing fanfiction) wondering “why put her in at all? Why not just make an OC with identical attributes?”

A good backstory on how she ended up there would be great to be exact.

Originally Posted by aldw

I had some plans for a Negima/Nanoha fusionfic myself before I started working on another scifi story, but I may be able to provide some input for Comar's story (many of his ideas I had been thinking of also, and I had an OC that would make Eva look like a spoiled brat ).

*gags aldw before he can give out ideas*

let's wait for his ideas first

Originally Posted by aldw

Arisa and Suzuka could attend Mahora's magic school to assist them in magical training, and the Earth magic education system(s) can be considered complimentary to Mid-childa and Belka arts in their instructional capacity. The Magic World's Great War could be considered one of the TSABs big peacekeeping efforts, assisted by talented third-party magic groups such as Ala Rubra. I can come up with some more ideas if need be.

hmm... might work in my so-called "Earth Conspiracy"

*tries to Summon Estavali*

[TheShinySword]

@.@ well here's the crack that's been boiling in the IRC (both the FFC and the OCC. The ideas came from everyone who was there really. Tempest, I think, came up with the original idea, which proceeded to get bounced around, with apologies to everyone featured .

Monty Khrack and The Holy Flail

Spoiler for Here it is:

Clip clop clop clop clip.

Clop clop clip.

Clippity clippity cloppity clop-

“STOP THAT!”

“I just wanted to have a bit of fun sire,” The loyal servant of Yuuno, King of Mid-Childa, Chrono pouted and lipped his coconut halves in his hands.

The king raised a hand, “We’re looking for brave knights, that’s why we’ve come to this castle.”

“

They coconuted their way up to the wall of a castle. “Hello! We’re looking for brave knights!”

“Who you supposed to be?” the guard, a glasses wearing green haired man.

“Well I’m Yuuno king of the Mid-Childians!”

“How do I know that?”

Yuuno blinked, no one had actually contested his kingship before. “Well the lady of the lake gave me this particularly shiny sword.” He drew said sword.

“Well that doesn’t prove anything. And where’d you get the coconut’s anyway?”

“Well we found them.”

“Found them? There aren’t any oceans here!”

“Well birds move around.”

“That doesn’t mean coconuts migrate!”

“Well maybe… it was carried! By… by a swallow.”

“What the hell are you on?”

“Well if he gripped it by the husk…”

“It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.”

“Well I say it could and I’m the main character.”

“Listen, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow nids to beat its wings 43 times every second, right?”

“Oh oh but what if he was really really big!” A brown haired man popped up next to him. “And the coconut was very very small!”

“You’re just being stupid.” Neither noticed that the king had left.


“Bring out your dead!” Tempest walked throughout the city with his cart of corpses. “Any dead around here?”

“I got one,” a woman dragged out what looked to be a lazy, khrack addled man by the ear.

“But I’m not dead Anita,” the man appeared to be crying.

“Well I can’t take him if he isn’t dead,” Tempest pointed out.

“Oh he’ll be dead soon.”

“I’m getting better,” Kha croaked.

“Dead within a few minutes.”

“I don’t want to go in the cart.”

“Don’t be such a baby!”

“I have to keep going on,” Tempest pointed out.

“Can’t you do anything?” Anita pleaded.

“I feel fine. I might even write somethi-” CLONK!

Tempest put his shovel back in his cart and tossed Kha in his cart. “Who’s that then?”

“How should I know? I’m just a peasant.”

“Must be a king, he has coconuts after all.”



King Yuuno continued his journey, carefully avoiding any areas that might make his servant want to blow them up. Unfortunately he couldn’t seem to find anyone that would want to be his knight.

Kha and his servant coconuted across the land and were still coconuting when they came to a stop in front of a mighty looking Black Knight.

“Would you like to be my knight?” Yuuno asked the Black Knight. “You can be the first one.”

“No.” The Black Knight, who’s real name was Zest, was quite annoyed by the king, who was rather noisy. “None shall pass.”

“Well… please?”

“No.”

“I’ll fight you then!” The King drew his sword. “Come on!”

The king’s version of fighting was in fact just waving about his sword on the off chance he hit someone. Luckily for him Zest hadn’t quite gotten enough sleep the previous night and was clumsy enough to let Yuuno cut off his arm.

“Well see I won!” Yuuno was quite happy and motioned for Chrono keep coconuting.

“Not yet,” Zest attacked him with the other arm.

Yuuno quickly flailed off his other arm. “Alright now—”

Zest kicked Yuuno, “It’s only a flesh wound.”

One less leg later Yuuno found Zest was still trying attack him.

“Are you going to BLEED me to death?”

“I can take you!”

One stroke later Yuuno and Chrono were happily on their way while the black Knight tried to wiggle after them.


“Witch she’s a witch!”

“Burn her burn the witch!”

The peasant mob dragged a woman to the front. She’d been dressed up in a witch’s costume, complete with a witch nose. “I’m not a witch! My name is Kriss!”

Nanoha, the wisest person in town, looked down from her pedestal, “you sure look like a witch.”

“That doesn’t mean I am one! And they dressed me up like this!” She pointed down at the crowd of men.

Nanoha raised an eyebrow. “Is this true?”

A man named Shou looked slightly embarrassed, “Well yeah…”

“But she’s been stripping women only using hand signals!” PF argued, “So we must burn her!”

“Now now,” Nanoha waved her hand, “We will nid proof of her witchdom.” She took out Raising Heart. “Now if she survives the blast from Raising Heart—”

“Wait wait wait!” The men cried out not wanting to be breaker’d to next Tuesday.

Nanoha sighed, “fine. We’ll do it the scale way. Look alright witches burn because~”

“I set them on fire!” PF offered.

“Wrong because they’re made of wood and wood floats. Now what else floats?”

“GUNDAMS!” Someone in the back yelled.

“A duck.”

Everyone turned to see King Yuuno walk up.

“Exactly. So we weigh the duck against the witch and if they weigh the same…”

“She’s a witch!” The guys cheered and ran off to test it out.

“Who are you who is so intelligent?” Nanoha asked Yuuno.

Yuuno blushed for he found the somewhat crazy woman very cute. “King Yuuno…”

“Oh my a king.”

“Would you… maybe… I dunno be one of my knights?”

“Cool!”


And so the brave Sir Nanoha the Devil joined King Yuuno. She was soon followed by Sir Lanzalot who was definitely not the witch in the previous scene, Sir Fate the not-interested-Naoha-take-a-hint, Sir Wanwan who tries-really-really-hard-not-to-be-a-perv who nose blood had created several rivers and the aptly named Sir not-appearing-in-this-crack.


“And that my liege is how I came to know all of Fate’s measurements.” Nanoha nodded proudly.

Yuuno looked amazed. “I never knew Sir Fate had such larg—”

“It’s all a lie!” Fate cried.

Meanwhile Sir Wanwan had been bleeding since the beginning of Nanoha’s story.

“Look my liege!” Sir Lanzalot yelled out.

“Outer Cadia!” Yuuno gasped, looking at his capital.

“Actually that’s outer Cadia Zwei,” Chrono pointed out.

“No one cares Chrono.”

Yuuno remembered his city.

“FOR OUTERCADIA!”

“HAXX IT’S HAXX!”

“I’m thinking we do a crossover with EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD. Nanoha vs. Ronald McDonald vs. Chuck Norris anyone?”

“KHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A!”

“…no this sucks.”

Yuuno gulped. “Well, on second thought, let's not go to Outer Cadia-- it is a silly place.”

“Right right.”


They continued on. When suddenly a booming voice changed everything.

“Yuuno! Yuuno~”

The King and his entourage immediately fell to their knis.

“No no! How many times to I have to say it? I’m not a god!”

Sir Lanzalot argued, “But Satashi-sam-”

“NO! NO! SAMA OR I’LL STRIKE YOU DOWN!” Satashi boomed from heaven.

They all stood up.

“What are you doing now?”

“I’m averting my eyes,” Yuuno was looking away.

“No no no don’t do that!”

“But you don’t like me!”

“I like you fine.”

“But you write all that NanoFate stuff,” Yuuno sniffled.

“NanoFate?” Wanwan passed out.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Now I have a very very very important quest for you. You will find my hold flail!”

“How does god lose their flail?” Nanoha asked.

Satashi glared at her, “Here’s some Fate doujin’s, don’t ask me that again.”

“Agreed!”

Yuuno put a hand to his chest, “Oh G- Satashi we will find your flail. But please… write me some Yuunoha,” he started crying.

Satashi started to disappear, “Oh Angel’s calling me bye~”

“Y-You didn’t answer Satashi!”



“Now I’ve heard the flail is in that castle.” Yuuno pointed to a very ordinary looking castle. However the mere mention of it made everyone pale.

“But isn’t that Touhou castle?” Fate asked.

“Touhou!” Lanzalot’s eyes lit up.

“Touhou?” Wanwan’s nose suddenly flooded at the memory of images.

“Yes,” Yuuno nodded seriously. “Now let’s go ask them.”

The brave knights walked up to the castle.

An oddly dressed person greeted them. “What do you want?”

“We’re looking for Satashi’s flail have you seen it?”

“No. Now goodbye.”

“WAIT!” Yuuno yelled.

“If you do not go I will send Yuyuko to eat you all.”

“I am king of this land! And I demand your help!”

“I am not Mid-Childian!”

“Then what are you?”

“I’m French! And they’re all from Gensokyo, you silly king.”

“Then me and my knights will take your castle!”

“Your grammar is crap. You don't frighten us, pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Yuuno-king, you and all your silly yuri fangirls. Thppppt!”

“Maybe we should leave,” Wanwan offered.

“TO THE GROUND!” Nanoha yelled, “let’s break ‘em to the ground.”

“I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”

“Is there someone else up there we could talk to?” Fate asked.

“No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!”

“Now listen here!” Yuuno shouted.

“Fetchez la Marcia!”

A blond girl walked up to the edge of the castle.

“Blast them good!”

Nanoha stepped forward, “I’ll show yo-”

“Run away!” Fate and Lanzalot grabbed Nanoha and dashed away with her.

They all ran far far away.


The story of Sir Wanwan

After being utterly defeated at castle Touhou, King Yuuno and his women decided to go their separate ways. Sir Wanwan went north with her minstrels.

Tempest who had given up being a mortician for the life of a minstrel followed Wanwan through the forest while singing.

“Chastely chaste Sir Wanwan, rode forth from Cadia.
She would never bleed oh no, o chaste Sir Wanwan.
She was not at all affected by temptations of the flesh.
Chaste, chaste, chaste, chaste Sir Robin!

She was not at all effected by breasts pressed in her face.
Or by braless bouncing chests and pantless women
To watch a magical girl transform and a loli at that,
She self-censors yes, chaste Sir Wanwan!

She can watch girls with breasts the size of balloons
With their hands moving towards other girls
And their shirts off and their pants going,
And their soggy muffins—"

“T-that’s enough music,” Wanwan gulped and held her nose.

They kept riding on until they exited the forest, then to their shock, there in the dark Wanwan spotted the holy flail, don’t ask how she could spot a flail, on highest window of a giant castle.

They rode forth towards the castle. Wanwan knocked on the door. “Excuse me! Excuse me! I’m looking for Satashi’s flail!”

The door open revealing a very lovely brown haired woman, “Oh~ you know Satashi? We love Satashi.” She welcomed Wanwan in, “but the men have to stay outside,” she pointed at her minstrels.

Wanwan shrugged and left them behind.

“Now welcome good knight to the castle Fon Filia,” Hayate swept her arm around the giant castle seemingly filled with only women, and a particularly shiny sword.

“I’m looking for the flail!”

“Yes yes, You look very tired. Saharet, Nikki~”

Two women popped up from the stairwell, “yes master!”

“Please prepare a bed for Wanwan.”

Wanwan gulped and turned red. “N-no that’s not necessary. If you’ll just point me towards the flail I’ll be on my way.”

Hayate forced Wanwan onto a bed. “Don’t be rude Sir Knight. Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between fifteen and twenty something, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- bathing, dressing, undressing, playing yakyuken… We are just not used to handsome knights. Nay, nay, come, come, you may lie here.” She looked between Wanwan’s legs. “Oh, but you are wounded!”

“I’m fine!”

“You must see our doctor! Shamal!”

“That’s not nided!”

Shamal walked in and kniled in front of Wanwan. “Ah yes,” she stuck her head between Wanwan’s legs for a better view.

Wanwan stood up, “I have to find the flail!” She ran out of the room and right into…

… the giant… communal… bathroom.

“Want a bath Wanwan?” The girl’s asked in unison.

“Hayate!” Wanwan ran for Hayate who was standing in the back.

The girl, who was in fact not Hayate, looked surprised. “I’m Naolin.”

Wanwan started to leave.

“Where are you going?” Naolin asked.

Wanwan turned, “I seek the flail! I have seen it, here in this castle!”

Naolin held a hand to her mouth, “No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Hayate!

“What is it?” Wanwan looked concerned though she couldn’t help but notice Naolin was wearing a rather low cut dress.

“Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Hayate! She has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is flail-shaped. Oh dear.”

Wanwan’s eyes grew teary, “It's not the real flail?”

Naolin shook her head, “Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Hayate! Oh, she is a naughty woman, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Fon Filia, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!”

“A spanking! A spanking!” The girls got very excited.

“You must spank her well. And after you have spanked her, you may deal with her as you like. And then, spank me,” Naolin nodded very seriously.

“And spank me.” Saharet waved her hand

“And me.” Nikki looked excited

“And me,” Shamal giggled.

“Yes, yes, you must give us all a good spanking!” Naolin announced

Wanwan paled as the girls cheered, “A spanking! A spanking!”

Naolin had one more thing to say to the knight, “And after the spanking, the oral sex.”

“Oral sex! Oral sex!”

Squirt. Wanwan lay on the ground in a bleeding heap.

“SIR WANWAN!” Sir Lanzalot burst through the doors, shielding her eyes from the nearly nude woman, luckily the steam acted as a censor bar. “Away women!” She lifted up her bleeding friend.

“No no I think I will stay,” Wanwan said dizzily.

“You will not!”

“She wants to stay,” Naolin and the other women followed them.

“Let her stay!”

“Wanwan~”

“I really think I can handle this,” Wanwan said.

“You cannot! You were about to have a giant orgy for Satashi’s sake!”

“Which I could handle!”

“The flail look for the flail!” Lanzalot kept her out of the reach of Wanwan’s fangirls.

They burst out of the building and dove behind Tempest who held the women at bay.

“A man! Run away!” The women of castle Fon Filia retreated.

“I could have done it…”

“Like hell you could have!”

“Bet you’re straight.’

“I am not!”



Meanwhile King Yuuno, Sir Nanoha and Sir Fate had found something from a certain old man.

Yuuno and his group sat in a smelly old house. “So Aaron, this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the flail?”

“Old man, where does he live?” Nanoha got directly to the point.

“He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered,” Aaron nodded sagely.

“And the flail... The flail is there?”

“Very much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no man has ever crossed.”

“But the Flail! Where is the Flail!?” Fate implored.

“Seek you the Bridge of Death.”

“The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Flail?

“Hee hee ha ha!”

“Fate, we should have gotten Hayate to help,” Nanoha groaned.

“She’s too busy with her castle.”


So Yuuno went into a dark and very expensive forest to find the Bridge of Death. But it wasn’t long before he ran into the residents of the forest.

“NI!”

Yuuno jumped back from the weird bodysuit wearing women who all shouted ni at him.

“We are the number who say NI!” The tallest of them, a eyepatch wearing girl who seemed to be standing on something covered by a large coat, shouted at them.

“Who?” Nanoha raised an eyebrow.

“We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nii, Pen, and Nii-wom!”

“Well we’ll be going then…”

“NI!”

Fate blinked, “That’s kind of annoying.”

“A shrubbery! If you do not get us a shrubbery we will follow you and say NI!”

“Alright alright,” Yuuno held his ears, “just don’t say it!”

So the king and his knights had a new job.

“Hey weirdo! Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy
a shrubbery!” Nanoha held up a guy by his collar.

“Who sent you?” He eyed her suspiciously.

“The Knights Who Say Ni,” Fate got Nanoha to put him down.

“Agh! No! Never! We have no shrubberies here. Plenty of nukes no shrubs!”

“If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friends and I will say... we will say... `ni',” Yuuno bent down close to his ear.

“Agh! Do your worst! I can handle it!”

“Very well! Ni!”

“No! Never! No shrubberies!”

“Noo! Noo!” Nanoha shouted.

“No, no, no, no -- it's not that, it's 'ni',” Yuuno corrected

“Noo! Ni!”

“That's it, that's it, you've got it.” They patted Nanoha on the back.

“Are you saying 'ni' to that old woman?” Tempest, who had given up his job as Wanwan’s minstrel, sat on a large pile of shrubs.

Yuuno blinked, “Um, yes.”

“Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say `ni' at will to old ladies. There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
ARTHUR: Did you say `shrubberies'?
“Yes, shrubberies are my trade -- I am a shrubber, I used to be several other things but they were lame. My name is Tempest the Shrubber. I arrange, design, and sell shrubberies.”

Nanoha looked around, “Ni!”

“No! No, no, no! No!”



“Here’s your shrubbery,” Yuuno pushed the shrub forward.

“I’m not a plant!” Protested the shrub, who claimed they were named Nictory.

“Whatever.”

“As wonderful as this shrubbery is,” the head number said. “We are now the Numbers Who Say Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoom-boing-mumble-mumble. So we will give you a new test.”

“Hell no,” Nanoha said bluntly. “STARLIGHT…”

“OH SHI—”

“BREAKER!”



And so all the knight we reunited and well on their way to finding the flail. They just seemed to wander along until one day…

“Who are you?” Yuuno asked the tiny girl who blocked their bath.

“I am Agito the enchanter!” A tree in the background spontaneously combusted.

“We’re looking for the holy flail have you seen it?” Wanwan asked.

“Have I seen it?!?!” Several more trees combusted. “Well yes actually. In the cave up there is a message but be warned there is a fearsome beast gu—”

“Well we’ll be off then,” Yuuno and company were already on their way out.

“LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE TALK TO YOU!” The forest exploded.





“I don’t see anything fierce here,” Sir Lanzalot looked around but didn’t see any monster.

“Maybe it’s behind that little girl?” Chrono, who had long been forgotten, pointed.

The little girl in question was running out of the cave before she proceeded to trip and fall on her face.

“She’s so cute!’ Nanoha swooned, “Let’s adopt her Fate!”

Fate sighed, “Let’s not.”

Sir Vita the hothead, who had only just joined the party, “Stepped forward, I’ll go and ask her, you lot would just scare her to death.” She stepped forward. “Hey little girl have you seen the-”

Vita was flung into the air by a blue pillar that shot from the ground and became a tiny speck in the sky.

“What the hell!” The group collectively exclaimed.

Out of the cave walked a very very pissed looking blue wolf.

“Is that supposed to be her babysitter?” Yuuno asked.

“I vote we use the holy hand grenade!” Lanzalot shouted for she didn’t want to face the raging babysitter.

“Brother Tempest always carries it with him!”

Yuuno and the group ran for Brother Tempest for Tempest had entered monkdom after he learned that few people actually liked shrubs.

Brother Tempest held out the grenade. “Brother Ax,” for Tempest had brought him to the monk world as well. “Read.”

Ax brought out the big book. “"And the Satashi spoke, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it and remember I AM NOT GOD.'"

“Right!” Yuuno took the grenade and pulled the pin, “One… Two… forty-two!” he lobbed it off and blasted the girl and her guardian into the sky. But don’t worry moe blobs and puppies bounce. “Into the cave!”


Inside the cave they learned that they had to go to a rather large lake to find the flail. On their way to find the flail they ran across the bridge old man Aaron had mentioned may scenes ago. In fact old man Aaron was standing on it. But there was no more time, if this crack runs any longer they’ll have this writer’s head. So Nanoha blasted the bridge and led them to the lake.

Yuuno cried out in misery. “Where the hell is this flail?”

Just then the lady of the lake rose out. The lady of the lake, more commonly known as Signum seemed uncomfortable in her very small mini-skirt. Beside her was the other lady of the lake, Rein.

“Why Yuuno you had the flail all along!” Rein cheered while Signum looked for something to cover herself with.

Yuuno looked up at her with shiny eyes, “You mean the flail’s inside all of us?”

Rein giggled, “don’t be silly. Wanwan has it.”

Wanwan flailed about, “I didn’t know honest!”

And so the flail was returned to Satashi and all order was returned to the world.

[Sheba]

LOL poor wanwan and kriss!!

I do understand the necessity to skip some scenes, but hey this is all for the fun.

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Even in my creepy chapter, I need to remember some humor.

Spoiler for Crash protests doing something that's NOT his job.:

"What?!" Crash snapped, grabbing one of the hand bars and taking a step back. "Oh no way! I'm not going down there!"

Roland's head came around as he looked back. "Don't tell me you're scared of a little creepiness?"

"Scared?" Crash laughed, then turned serious. "I'm not scared! He looked at the monitor where it projected an image from Raising Heart showing one of the bodies. "I'm terrified."

"Oh, don't be a wuss," Roland shook his head. "There ain't nothing down there but AMF, Mages, and corpses. You're not going looking a fight, just going down to investigate the situation and find out what caused it."

"With all due respect," Crash shot back. "It's finding out what caused it that I'm worried about. Particularly finding out what caused the corpses. Because I don't want to be one of them!"

Hayate crossed her arms behind Crash, waiting for someone to make up their mind. She had an investigation to run... And wanted to know what to plan for sometime today. Roland noticed and tried to apply a little more pressure.

"Utter nonsense," he stated.

"Nonsense?" Crash sputtered. "My gut says otherwise. And I'm sure you remember what exactly happened last time my gut told me something wasn't right."

Roland spun around on his chair and put both his hands on his knees.
"There's no Cyborgs or anything like that down there wanting to swarm you," he stated. "You'll be just fine. Better in fact, than the mages with that power armor in an AMF."

"You don't know what might be down there any more then- URGH!!"

Whatever Crash had been planning to say was abrubtly cut off as Hayate, fed up with the argument, decided to take matters into her own hands. Yanking Crash by the collar of his uniform shirt, she hurled him backwards with more magically enhanced strength than her stunted frame would betray to the average passer by. Before Crash really understood what had happened, he found himself uncerimoniously tossed out the back of the Deep Sky into open air, and instantly dropped out of sight.

Roland, Rein, and Shamal stared blankly as Crash, along with his argument, became a moot topic. After a few seconds, the General turned his eyes to Hayate.

"I would never have thought of that one."

"I have kids," Hayate shrugged.

"He is older than you, you know," Roland replied.

"So is Vita," she continued. "Doesn't make a difference to me. Kids will be kids."

And with that she jumped off the ramp and out of sight.

Heheheh...