AnimeSuki Forums

Orange Duke · 2012-08-06, 10:17

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ

Well, the anime puts it in vague terms, and since the last chapters of the Novel's Vol 1 haven't been translated, I can't confirm it...but in Ch 8 of the manga, Haru reports to Kuroyukihime that Cyan Pile's Parent was executed by the Blue Legion.

Ah. That was in the English translation or the Japanese original? Because English translations are no longer 100% reliable, especially after what happened a page back.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

~~~~~~

Here it is! [ACCEL WORLD SS: GOLD CUB]

Spoiler for Prologue 01:

Pardon my terrible English.

I didn't want to reveal much of Gold Cub's real world identity, but I needed to show his origins. So I got the balance here... I think.

It's pretty good, save for a few factual discrepancies here and there. Firstly, it seems that he is a patient in a hospital. If so, he has to be connected to the hospital's local net constantly so that they can monitor his vital signs through his neurolinker. As such, the only way anybody can challenge him is to also be in the hospital, whether as a visitor or a patient.

It seems that they are in the Unlimited Neutral Field, judging from the number of Burst Linkers. However, that would have to mean that all of them were connected to the hospital's local net to be able to meet there.

You also have to be at least level 4 to go into the Unlimited Neutral Field.

MeisterBabylon · 2012-08-06, 17:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orange Duke

It's pretty good, save for a few factual discrepancies here and there. Firstly, it seems that he is a patient in a hospital. If so, he has to be connected to the hospital's local net constantly so that they can monitor his vital signs through his neurolinker. As such, the only way anybody can challenge him is to also be in the hospital, whether as a visitor or a patient.

But he's also connected to the internet via the hospital LAN, a feature given to him as a way out of "locked in syndrome", so why can't someone connected to the local telephone exchange challenge him from there?

(apologies if me habit of using medical conditions annoys anyone.

)

Though if that's not accurate, then this becomes a clue as to who Burgundy and Maya really are. They were in or around the hospital at the time.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orange Duke

It seems that they are in the Unlimited Neutral Field, judging from the number of Burst Linkers. However, that would have to mean that all of them were connected to the hospital's local net to be able to meet there.

You also have to be at least level 4 to go into the Unlimited Neutral Field.

SaintX picked this up, so I hastily changed the place to the viewing gallery, like how there were a lot of people sitting around watching Crow's first match.

Perhaps, have Burgundy come after the match to have a chat with Gold and invite him to another viewing gallery? After all, he did set the whole thing up to mess with Golden.

Orange Duke · 2012-08-06, 21:37

I believe you're immediately logged out the moment the match ends though. Might want to make it as though someone challenged him again after his match against the two, though it can't be the two who do it as you can only challenge a certain Linker once per day.

The only way you can view a match is if you subscribe to a linker so that you're transported to the gallery when the match happens, since each match only lasts 1.8 seconds in real life.

KeithKurogane · 2012-08-06, 23:03

Hi guys... need a bit of your opinion for Accelerated Zombie.

Spoiler for Accelerated Zombie Prologue v0.7:

MeisterBabylon · 2012-08-07, 00:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orange Duke

I believe you're immediately logged out the moment the match ends though. Might want to make it as though someone challenged him again after his match against the two, though it can't be the two who do it as you can only challenge a certain Linker once per day.

The only way you can view a match is if you subscribe to a linker so that you're transported to the gallery when the match happens, since each match only lasts 1.8 seconds in real life.

Oh bother. I'll need to add A LOT more information in between Maya and Gold meeting everyone. However, that seems like a good idea to write something.

Brb.

FlameSparkZ · 2012-08-07, 03:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orange Duke

Ah. That was in the English translation or the Japanese original? Because English translations are no longer 100% reliable, especially after what happened a page back.

I've crosschecked the dialog with the original manga, it's correct.
Cyan Pile's Parent was <<Executed>> at the Blue Legion, and lost all Burst Points.

To tell the truth, before knowing about Judgement Blow, I thought <<Execution>> meant that the whole Legion took a turn fighting the DA, each member taking the culprit's points, and then when the BP were at critical, the Legion Master would deal the final blow.

So yeah, there are other ways to pass judgement on someone than Judgement Blow

atm, I'm working on my OCs...and by that, I mean appearance.
I'm doing some sketches of them, then their DAs

Orange Duke · 2012-08-07, 03:36

Then it is rather strange how Haru didn't inquire about how an execution is carried out, considering that he has exhibited a curiosity about every new term that is bought up about Accel World.

churchblue · 2012-08-07, 11:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orange Duke

/facepalm

All you've done is repeat what you said in your last post. Not only that, but you've completely ignored our advice for you a few posts back and on top of that, made him even more OP by saying he is able to fight a king.

If you really want to learn how to write better characters, you need to start to listen to our advice properly and really deconstruct your characters and see what is wrong with them.

Sorry about that. The "real" Carbon Arrow is supposes to be a spoil rich kid who doesn't look at life until a certain event changed him to someone that live life at its fullest (basically make use of the life god gave you to do something worth it). He DEFINITELY not good socializing, but he tries his best. He doesn't open up his feeling and has a hard time trusting a Burst Linker's ethics (except for Fuuko/Sky Raker). He feels that the AW is being abused and the Kings aren't doing anything about it, so he takes matter to his own hands in secret. His weakness is that he's a "suit of armor" and doesn't let anyone in except Fuuko (which is his other weakness). His moral ethics is to "follow the path with the least bloodshed" and is strongly against take a life (in real life) because if you do it; you are no better than a killer. He also has a strong dignity.

This is mainly the reason for his scar for "never missing" and his devotion to endure pain so that others can live. If you don't like this kind of character, that fine by me. I like spoil douches that slow turn into more mature and moral people.

I had another idea character, but didn't fit my description. Gray Phantom is a bit off my style. He is an orphan that has been through a lot of trauma: the lost of his family, the burning of his orphanage and the death of a close friend. He believe him is cursed and he deserves no one. He hardly ever cries anymore and tries to make a living of his own. He uses his "curse" to people that deserved it. He want to live in a better world than his real one (hence got into AW). His scar is his mental trauma and that he believes he is a cursed spirit that punishes the wicked...in other words a phantom.

That's as far as I went. If you can make it better, than do it. Even though I made him, I lost interest in finishing it.

ronelm2000 · 2012-08-07, 20:24

Another Promotional Snippet for The Revived Legend of the Black Swordsman <<Side A>>. :3

Spoiler for An early draft. Some things were fixed in the FF chapter:

[This is another promotional snippet dedicated to serve as an announcement to the real «series». These chapters will be removed (in other words: appended.) on the release date: probably October 10, 2012.]
"Haruyuki-kun! Haruyuki-kun!"
A teary Kuroyuukihime-sempai stumbled upon the unconscious «Burst Linker» merely seconds after she just finished her «Duel».
Haruyuki-kun! Haruyuki-kun! The Black Princess called out to the still unconscious «Sleeping Linker». No response. Several students, mostly the seniors, lined up at this potentially rare, but pitiful scene. Faces, some full of envy, some full of pity, and many others, full of worry, more especially for the beautiful Kuroyuukihime-sempai, who, probably to their naïve minds, have had pity on her for dating such an ungrateful boyfriend.
"Someone…" Haruyuki huffed. "…call the ambulance."
It wasn't just something unusual for a «Burst Linker» to fall unconscious on the ground like this, without any form of «Safety AI», who were responsible for handling vital functions, whatsoever. It was virtually impossible.
Around 2030, along with the various research that led to the «virtualization of people's memories», an AI had been successfully developed by various technologies in order to combat an often annoying problem, especially when it comes to people suddenly «Direct Linking» on so called «inappropriate places». Even on such «appropriate places», it would still be problematic when, for example, a potential murderer could easily have access to your body while in «Full Dive» mode, easily gaining the ability to drug players… or worse, illegally gain «XSB Access» to memories and such. It had been happening in a few isolated cases, especially during the years of 2026 to 2029, during the time of «Headgear VRs». Even «her father» once reminded her of the times when someone he knew was almost drugged while in «Full Dive» -- it was a good thing he was there to stop it though. But, setting aside «her father's history», during the 2030s, the most useful precautionary measure had stepped up to the task of protecting their client's safety – the «Safety AIs». As per required by the «2032 VR Safety Act of Japan», all «VRMMORPGs» and «VR Devices» were required to have approved «Safety AIs» that protect their users from every kind of danger, from sending potentially damaging nerve signals to the brain, to actually controlling the user to protect against RL attacks. Even if you would be deemed «unconscious» in «Full Dive», this «Safety AI» would still function … or at least it was supposed to.
No… there was no time to think this through. There's no time to Haruyuki's eyes focused on her «Contacts List», which she had just opened up. Scrolling to the list of various «Burst Linkers» and some classmates, schoolmates, some RL friends, and relatives, her shaking hands reached to one of the last of her «Contact List».
«Papa»
If anyone has an idea on what happened to Haruyuki-kun, it would be «Papa».
Haruyuukihime-sempai had almost managed to calm down, along with her tears.
The «Nerve-Linker's Safety AI» had an ingenious safety feature at the time of its release: «Player/AI Override». In a sense, the «AI's function» was simple: it keeps its client "looking like he/she's not in «Full Dive»" by emulating the last functions its user was doing. Basically taking in the «actions the player was doing and was planning on doing» into action, this function ensured that its user never falls, gets unconscious, or anything unusual during «Full Dive», and thus there were no such implications nor symptoms people were actually «Full Diving» unless someone had «XSB Access» to him or her. This function was further improved 2 years after released by actually emulating vital semi-reflexive responses to the brain. For example, actually emulating how a user «avoids someone XSB access» with highly intellectual accuracy. For 10 years, almost no records of anyone using «Neuro-Linkers» ever suffered from such a thing as unconsciousness or death during a «Full Dive», except for rare cases of visual seizures. (but even those were extremely rare, and they more or less often ended up in unconsciousness, rather than actual «death») If anyone has experience in these cases, it would only be «Papa».
Finally the ringing stopped. A logo, indicating a currently active call, had replaced the tense sound.
"Yuuki-kun?" the voice across the princess was kind and gentle.
"«Papa», I have a problem." She reported, trying to stay calm as possible. "It's a «VR» case."
"…"
A long pause permeated the conversation. Was he shocked? Was he surprised? She had no way of telling what her kind, partially calm, partially eccentric, partially reasonable, and mostly gentle and understanding father would have to say in this kind of situation. In fact, she doesn't even remember the last time she actually requested something for him.
"…Please help him, «Papa»." Yuuki responded with a voice that was ready to cry out in a matter of seconds. "Please help Haruyuki-kun!"
The mention of the word –kun startled the voice at the other side, obvious by the whispered gasp.
"… I got it." he responded in a serious tone. "I'll call the «VR» division."
"I don't know…" Kuroyuukihime-sempai stuttered. "..if this has anything to do with anything… but…"
She recalled her conversation with «Haruyuki-kun». She raised her fingers, browsing through the «Memory Browser» as she stumbled upon the «memory videos» of the yesterday's display of «Haruyuki-kun's own memory videos». She also, opened another «Memory Browser», this time, peering through «Haruyuki-kun's own memory videos» and copied a certain video around the morning. As the «Progress Bar» crawled to around 100% within seconds, she finally opened her finishing words…
"She saw «you», yesterday."

novalysis · 2012-08-08, 00:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeithKurogane

Hi guys... need a bit of your opinion for Accelerated Zombie.

Spoiler for Accelerated Zombie Prologue v0.7:

So far, you are holding my interest, but the dialogue is a little dry.and at times clumsy- especially towards the end. You might to pay more attention to tone of voice, ambiance and surroundings as well as Haru's internal thoughts, since it seems that we are looking at this story from his POV. Else, you run the risk of a dialogue-response-action style of writing, which can get quite repetitive.

For instance, especially at the end, what is the reaction of the rest of the room when Haru plugged on the Neurolinker.

What of physical descriptions? Beautiful doesn't simply cut it, for example - what does Haru think of that kind of beauty? What is Haru feeling? What is the mood of the rest of the room? There's a lot of small little touches you can make to improve this Snippet. How does this Haru look like? Still short and obese? Or perhaps physically different ( less pudgier, still short, but not grossly fat, etc, etc.) after his time in Tokyo?

It's a respectable effort, with an interesting premise that I hope will derail canon quickly, but there's quite alot of room of improvement. The premise grips me, but your writing hasn't exactly yet.

FlameSparkZ · 2012-08-08, 03:40

Okay, just finished checking the piece that I'm about to post, so here goes.

[Accel World: Under the Cloudless Sky]

Prologue
Chapter 01

Spoiler for AW:UtCS - Ch 02 (Part 1):

That's it for now...need to work on the Duel Avatar designs, as I'm not used to drawing robot-like characters.

Also, I may have missed some mistakes, so do point them out so I can fix them

Orange Duke · 2012-08-08, 03:59

How does his aunt send him the shopping list if he's not connected to the Global Net?

FlameSparkZ · 2012-08-08, 05:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by Orange Duke

How does his aunt send him the shopping list if he's not connected to the Global Net?

Local Network, as seen in episode 13 (during the Direct Link animation), the whole building has it's own network, and each apartment has their personal network space.

I assume that if it's just something trivial as a small text file, then it can be sent to someone without need of Global Net connection.
This is confirmed by the scene where Kuroyukihime sent the optical screenshot to Haru in ep 2.

Orange Duke · 2012-08-08, 05:46

Ah yes, I forgot about that.

churchblue · 2012-08-10, 14:24

I don't see too many things wrong with Carbon Arrow's user, Taiyou. He started out a rich life and then it all blew up (literally). I already told you his weakness is trusting people. He basically has a wall around himself. He feels uneasy around other Burst Linkers (he hates ones that abuse the game). Him using Incernate System is obvious after spend "5 years of hell". Also the guy is trying to be social which he isn't good at. He's been scarred mentally and physically. I'm not saying he's "super", it's just he has his moments. His surviving skills in real life made him a better burst linker. He also was a Black Lotus fan as a kid, however now he is not sure of it. The guy mainly became somewhat emo. At least this character is better than my "Shadow Tesla" character.

KeithKurogane · 2012-08-11, 08:08

@novalysis:
How about now? Should I refine it more?

Spoiler for Accelerated Zombie Prologue v.0.7.1:

novalysis · 2012-08-12, 18:43

I think I know what is bugging me about the last part - it's the fragmentary nature of the very last section - it feels hanging, and I think you might want to shift it to the next chapter, or continue with the entire Brain burst Installation process and explanation.

The other problem is that your writing fills a little stilted at times, and your phrasing can be a little awkward.

FlameSparkZ · 2012-08-13, 18:13

Just finished, scanned and upped the drawing I did of one of my OCs: Renka's school network avatar

Had it in my head for a while, and couldn't focus on drawing the duel avatars so I had to do it

Like Kuroyukihime's, Renka's avatar is a replica of her appearance, plus the obvious additions

The outfit is mostly red with gold trimmings, except for the inner part that is black and white.

Well then, back to sketching DAs

MeisterBabylon · 2012-08-13, 18:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by FlameSparkZ

Just finished, scanned and upped the drawing I did of one of my OCs: Renka's school network avatar

Had it in my head for a while, and couldn't focus on drawing the duel avatars so I had to do it

Like Kuroyukihime's, Renka's avatar is a replica of her appearance, plus the obvious additions

The outfit is mostly red with gold trimmings, except for the inner part that is black and white.

Well then, back to sketching DAs

Ne, ne, Flame Shark-kun, draw Gold Cub?

blitz1/2 · 2012-08-14, 00:53

I wonder if I should start do something of a crossover between Transformers (plotwise) and Accel world.

I mean, I can so picture a more of an all out war after Kuroyuki's call to everyone to fight.

And resulting in MASSIVE amounts of people losing their Brain Burst, causing a crash in the system....

2012-08-06, 23:03	Link #84
KeithKurogane Recorder of World Lines Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Flonyard, Divergence 1.0458586%	Hi guys... need a bit of your opinion for Accelerated Zombie. Spoiler for Accelerated Zombie Prologue v0.7: Arita Haruyuki sighed as he pulled the curtain towards him to cover the area where he is sitting while blankly stared at the teacher who continues his lecture about the evolution of the Information Age and the Neuro-Sychronization technology. He was about to take notes when a pop-up window intruded his vision. <<You have received a new mail.>> ‘Seriously, those guys…’ He groaned as he decided to ‘play’ along with them again. Opening the mail, his vision was suddenly flooded by confetti and stuff and his mind was bombarded by loud party-like music. He was able to suppress his surprise. ‘How childish…’ He was the usual target by bullies in Umesato Junior High because he usually doesn’t fight back and he always stays in the shadows and doesn’t go out openly in the sun. The only days where he can be seen out in the open is during cloudy weather. When the teachers asked why he is like that, he usually answers: “I can’t stand under the sun.” The teachers, though a bit baffled at his answer, let him slide off since he has above average grades. He gave a different answer to his childhood friend, Kurashima Chiyuri. “Something happened in Tokyo during my vacation there.” No one knew what happened to him in Tokyo, so they just ignored him and went on their own lives. Haruyuki however, still remember what happened that time, it was three years ago yet it feels like it just happened yesterday. It was the night where his view towards reality has flipped upside-down. The time where he was stabbed by a katana from the back… The time where he saw his own reflection through the said katana as he feel his warm blood flowing out of him… The time where he knew he has dying… The time where the last thing he saw before he died was the assailant’s katana… The time where he woke up in a cemetery and meeting them… The time where he was resurrected and turned into a zombie. He was snapped out of his reverie when the school bell sounded. “Oh boy… here we go again.” He muttered to himself as he packed his things and proceeded to a place where no one can trouble him… the library. “And look at him go.” One of the bullies said while looking at Haruyuki’s retreating form. “Just ignore him for the meantime Araya,” Another bully said to his companion, “I’m hungry.” -=0=- Haruyuki has been wondering for a quite a while why he can still use his Neuro-Linker even though he’s a zombie now. He asked a few people during his stay in Tokyo and their answers were not exactly on the scientific side, aside from one of them. Haruna told him some unexplainable jargon before concluding it’s a mystery of the universe. Ariel also sprouted some unessential jargon before saying something about giving him a ‘thorough’ examination. The blush on her face when she said the word ‘examination’ says otherwise. Chris, who he met along the way, told him that he has a unique mana… and he was almost pulled to the nearest bar just to drink with her. Eu, on the other hand, wrote something that is more believable. It could be that he may be introduced to the Neuro-Linker during birth and it stayed with him until he was resurrected. Upon arriving at the library, he quickly went to his usual place. A corner in the room where no one will notice him and directly way from the sunlight that seeps through the windows. “Direct Link.” He muttered to himself and after a while, he found himself in the Umesato Junior High Virtual Network. On an avatar that looks like a pig. It wasn’t his choice since the bullies were able to get his Neuro-Linker and was able to fiddle with it. He doesn’t care about his appearance though. “Oh, it’s Vice- President!” one of the avatars spoke. Turning around, he found himself looking at one of the most popular people in Umesato Junior High, both in the virtual world and the real world. Kuroyukihime. Every time he looks at her, she reminds him of Seraphim; though Kuroyukihime is much more refined in her actions. Like a classic yamato nadeshiko. ‘Sadly, Kuroyukihime doesn’t have Sera’s large-’ He mentally stopped himself from completing that train of thought. ‘Damnit, did that Orito guy corrupted me?’ The then proceeded towards his destination, completely missing the fact that Kuroyukihime was looking at him. -=0=- “DAMNIT!” Haruyuki let out a string of swear words after missing the ball on the game of squash. “JUST AN INCH! JUST ONE FUCKING INCH!” “Oh… so this is where hiding! You’re no where to be found during lunchtime so I decided to look for you.” A familiar voice spoke, “And, did you just swear?” “Ah… Chiyu…” He was about to explain himself on the swearing part but he was cut off when his childhood friend let out a yelp of surprise. “What on Earth! Level 152?! 2.68 million points?!” “Heh. I can do better than that.” he boasted, but his answer just annoyed her. “Are you stupid?! Log off right now!” “No way! I can do whatever I want!” “I see. It’s how it is huh.” She pouted before saying. “Link out!” After seeing his friend’s avatar dissolve, he decided to go for another round of squash. ‘I need to get fas-’ his thought was interrupted when he felt something from the real realm hit him. He then found himself back in the library; only with someone else who is now standing right in front of him. “Link out by force, take that.” Chiyuri said with a victorious grin. “Ouch, that hurts.” Haruyuki lied. A regular human needs to unlock the 100% threshold of it’s limiter in order to properly hurt him. ‘But then again, nothing hurts like getting a chainsaw stabbed through my stomach.’ He thought. “ru? Haru?! Are you listening?!” “Ahahaha. Sorry Chiyu, I spaced out for a moment there.” “Mou. You really changed ever since you went back from Tokyo.” She pouted. “Hahaha.” He then began to scratch the back of his head nervously. “Can’t you really tell me what happened to you in Tokyo?” She asked as she did her ‘kitten eyes technique’. “Well… you see…” his eyes then drifted to the basket she is carrying. “You haven’t eaten yet?” “Ah!” She was snapped out of her technique and answered, “I was hoping we could eat lunch together.” “I would like to but-” He knows his bullies were still out to get him and he doesn’t like the idea of getting caught by them along with Chiyuri. And the last time he heard, she has a boyfriend. “Then let’s eat here.” She said as she opened the basket which contained various sandwiches. “Hey, the Head Librarian might cau-” He was cut off when he received a mail. Opening it, he found out it was from the Head Librarian. <<I got your backs, just gimme some later.>> Seeing that Chiyuri also got the same message, he replied to the Head Librarian. <<Thank you ferret.>> “Stop calling me ferret!” the voice of the annoyed Head Librarian was heard, eliciting giggles from those who are in the library. -=0=- After thanking Chiyuri for the nice lunch, he went back to the Umesato Virtual Network to continue playing squash, only to be surprised at the score board. <<UNKNOWN, Level 166, 3.76 million points>> “No way.” His previous scores were not just beaten; they were completely outclassed by a considerable amount. “Are you the one who logged those ridiculously high scores?” A female voice asked. Looking at the source of the voice, he saw it came from the Vice-President herself, Kuroyukihime. “Do you want to accelerate to the next level, young man?” She asked. “Then show up in the lounge tomorrow noon.” He blinked for a moment; only to find out she was gone already. Her words caught his curiosity though. “Tomorrow then.” He muttered as he decided to try beating the score of the unknown player, which he definitely knew was registered by Kuroyukihime. -=0=- So the next day, Haruyuki went to the lounge and met up with Kuroyukihime. A few moments later, he found himself sitting in front of the beautiful Vice-President and having tea with her while getting shocked stares from the other students in the lounge. “…” “…” The silence between the two was thick. No one dared approach them for the fear of upsetting either of the two. Kuroyukihime then pulled out a long cable and connected one end on her Neuro-Linker and she then offered the other end to Haruyuki. He was about to comment that this type of communication is usually done by lovers, but he decided to keep it to himself when the remembered the instances his senior, Aikawa Ayumu, found himself into for making bad comments. So he took the offered end of the cable and connected it on his Neuro-Linker. “I’m sorry for calling you all the way here, Arita Haruyuki.” She spoke mentally. “It’s alright.” He replied, “Anyways, what is this ‘accelerate to the next level’ you’re talking about?” “It’s better if I send the program to you.” __________________

2012-08-08, 03:40	Link #91
FlameSparkZ the "Z" is for "Zeta" Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Portugal	Okay, just finished checking the piece that I'm about to post, so here goes. [Accel World: Under the Cloudless Sky] Prologue Chapter 01 Spoiler for AW:UtCS - Ch 02 (Part 1): [Initiation] Souta opened his eyes as he awoke. Though he couldn't remember the details, he was sure he just had a terrible nightmare. Looking at the alarm clock next to the bed, 6:07AM. Earlier than normal. Covered in sweat, he got off bed and took a quick shower. It's been almost a month since Souta started living at the 12th floor of this apartment building. The person his parents had arranged for him to live with was his mother's younger sister, in other words, his aunt. She agreed on letting him live with her on the condition that he'd help around the house. Because of her job, she's busy most of the time and returns late at night. So Souta cooks his meals and cleans the house, if that's what it takes to live there, he'll do it. ~~~~ Changing to his school uniform, he walked to the kitchen and prepared a bowl of cereal for himself. Quickly finishing his breakfast, he cleaned what he used and then took care of the dishes that were left from last night. While he cleaned up, a person lazily entered the kitchen. "Good Mor--Aww~~" she yawned loudly. "...Good morning, Nee-san. You're up early." Souta replied as he dried his hands on a towel. Miyoshi Haruka, Souta's Aunt. An easygoing woman in her twenties who lives a carefree life. Her job is her passion, and her passion are decades old games. She works as a reviewer at a company that publishes a game magazine in both virtual and paper media. Basically, what she does is play games, then write a review and grade them. She has a whole room dedicated to playing them and her own collection of retro games. Souta has to address her as 'Nee-san' because she doesn't like to be called 'Aunt'. "Hmm...what's for breakfast?" She asked, lazily looking around. "Before that, I suggest you put on some decent clothes. It's october, you'll catch a cold wearing just that..." He spoke casually. The young woman looked down at herself, who is wearing a long, white shirt and barefooted. "It's fine. I'm used to walking around the house like this." "...I see." Haruka frowns, "That's the only reaction I get? A boy your age would normally panic and stutter." Souta looks at Haruka for a moment, then opens the fridge, "So...what do you want for breakfast?" "Don't change the subject!!" She said annoyed. "We've been through this conversation several times already, why do you insist?" He asked. "I'm hoping for a healthy reaction? teehee~" She stuck out her tongue while acting cute. Again, he remained silent for a while, "...So. Breakfast?" "Che..." Haruka let out disappointed, as if she lost. Sitting on a chair, she folded her arms, "Bacon, eggs and toast. And orange juice." "Okay." Souta took a couple of eggs, some bacon from the fridge. Put a slice of bread on the toaster and started frying the eggs and bacon. Filling a glass with orange juice, he set it in front of Haruka along with the carton. She drinks the contents of the glass in one go, letting out a "Pwaaa~", then refilled it. "So, how's school? Got used to it?" Haruka asked while slowly spinning the half full glass of juice. "...I guess." Grabbing a plate, Souta put the toasted piece of square bread on it, spread some butter on the toast, then put the bacon over the toast and finally, the fried eggs on top. "Ohoo~? That's not the usual 'Not really' answer. Any progress?" She smirked. "Something like that..." He replied as he put the plate in front of Haruka. Not even taking the fork and knife prepared, Haruka grabbed the toast with everything on top and bit off a piece of it. "Mmmm~ This is good! You're getting better." She spoke while eating. "I cook everyday. So it's natural." "Anyway, about school, try making some friends. You'll be there for 2 years, so some allies can come in handy." "I'll try." Swallowing the last piece of toast, she finishes the orange juice. "Ahh, that was good." "...Well, I'll be going to school now." "Wait a sec." Haruka stopped him and began to write something with her Neuro Linker's virtual keyboard. Waving her hand, a file was sent to Souta's Neuro Linker. "Shopping List. We're out of orange juice." She smirked. "Ah, I see..." He checked the list. "Do you need a recharge?" Haruka readied her hand. Souta checked his electronic money balance, "No, it's okay." "Okay, see ya." She waved her hand. Nodding, Souta went on his way, leaving the apartment. ~~~~ Waiting for the elevator to reach the floor he was on, Souta thought about yesterday, about the mysterious program that is now installed in his Neuro Linker. ...and about his classmate, Asagiri Renka. (Now that I think about it, why did she say to avoid connecting to the Global Net?) As he asked himself questions he couldn't answer, a soft 'ping' sound echoed, announcing the elevator's arrival. The doors slid open, revealing someone already inside. A girl. Her height is about 10cm shorter than Renka. Caramel-colored hair tied into two low pigtails, a hairpin parting her fringe to the side, revealing her forehead. Wearing the school uniform of Yoshino Middle with only the first button of the jacket fastened, the white shirt under it could be seen. A green ribbon around her neck indicated she's a 1st year student. Seeing him, the girl smiled. "Good morning, Senpai." "...Good Morning." He steps into the elevator and resumed its descent. After thinking for a moment, he remembered her. Mikage Sanako, cheerful and energetic personality. She lives on the 18th floor of this apartment building, and sometimes goes to school with him. In fact, it was her who showed him the way on the first day. They remained silent while the elevator moved. The only time they had talked was on the day he transferred to Yoshino Middle. While Souta was thinking of something to say, he noticed her mutter with a focused expression, then a second later, smiled. The rest of the trip was, as usual, eventless. ~~~~ A handful of students gathered on the street leading to Yoshino Middle. Not many went to school with almost an hour before class started, the only exceptions were those wtih club activities and morning class duty. Even for Souta, this was earlier than normal...but he was curious. He wanted to hurry and meet up with Renka so he could hear the continuation of yesterday's explanation on Brain Burst's functions. When they crossed the school's gate, Sanako's pace quickened. With a decent distance between them, she turned around, faced him and spoke, "Senpai, prepare yourself." "?" Souta found her words strange. "Burst Link!" Her low tone voice reached his ears. TO BE CONTINUED... That's it for now...need to work on the Duel Avatar designs, as I'm not used to drawing robot-like characters. Also, I may have missed some mistakes, so do point them out so I can fix them __________________ My Lazy Pixiv Page \| Twitter Last edited by FlameSparkZ; 2012-08-11 at 03:22. Reason: minor fix

2012-08-11, 08:08	Link #96
KeithKurogane Recorder of World Lines Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Flonyard, Divergence 1.0458586%	@novalysis: How about now? Should I refine it more? Spoiler for Accelerated Zombie Prologue v.0.7.1: Arita Haruyuki sighed as he pulled the curtain towards him to cover the area where he is sitting while blankly stared at the teacher who continues his lecture about the evolution of the Information Age and the Neuro-Sychronization technology. He was about to take notes when a pop-up window intruded his vision. <<You have received a new mail.>> ‘Seriously, those guys…’ He groaned as he decided to ‘play’ along with them again. Opening the mail, his vision was suddenly flooded by confetti and stuff and his mind was bombarded by loud party-like music. He was able to suppress his surprise. ‘How childish…’ He was the usual target by bullies in Umesato Junior High because he usually doesn’t fight back and he always stays in the shadows and doesn’t go out openly in the sun. The only days where he can be seen out in the open is during cloudy weather. When the teachers asked why he is like that: “I can’t stand under the sun.” He answers with a flat expression on his face. The teachers, though a bit baffled at his answer, let him slide off since he has above average grades. He gave a different answer to his childhood friend, Kurashima Chiyuri. “Something happened in Tokyo during my vacation there.” He said with a distant look on his eyes; as if he reminiscing an old memory. No one knew what happened to him in Tokyo, so they just ignored him and went on their own lives. Haruyuki however, still remember what happened that time, it was three years ago yet it feels like it just happened yesterday. It was the night where his view towards reality has flipped upside-down. The time where he was stabbed by a katana from the back… The time where he saw his own reflection through the said katana as he feel his warm blood flowing out of him… The time where he knew he has dying… The time where the last thing he saw before he died was the assailant’s katana… The time where he woke up in a cemetery and meeting them… The time where he was resurrected and turned into a zombie. He was snapped out of his reverie when the school bell sounded. “Oh boy… here we go again.” He muttered to himself as he packed his things and proceeded to a place where no one can trouble him… the library. “And look at him go.” One of the bullies said while looking at Haruyuki’s retreating form. “Just ignore him for the meantime Araya,” Another bully said to his companion, “I’m hungry.” -=0=- Haruyuki has been wondering for a quite a while why he can still use his Neuro-Linker even though he’s a zombie now. He asked a few people during his stay in Tokyo and their answers were not exactly on the scientific side, aside from one of them. Haruna told him some unexplainable jargon before concluding that it’s a mystery of the universe. Ariel also sprouted some unessential jargon before saying something about giving him a ‘thorough’ examination. The blush on her face when she said the word ‘examination’ says otherwise. Chris, who he met along the way, told him that he has a unique mana… and he was almost pulled to the nearest bar just to drink with her. Eu, on the other hand, wrote something that is more believable. It could be that he may be introduced to the Neuro-Linker during birth and it stayed with him until he was resurrected. Upon arriving at the library, he quickly went to his usual place. A corner in the room where no one will notice him and directly way from the sunlight that seeps through the windows. “Direct Link.” He muttered to himself and after a while, he found himself in the Umesato Junior High Virtual Network. On an avatar that looks like a pig. It wasn’t his choice since the bullies were able to get his Neuro-Linker and was able to fiddle with it. He doesn’t care about his appearance though. “Oh, it’s Vice- President!” one of the avatars spoke. Turning around, he found himself looking at one of the most popular people in Umesato Junior High, both in the virtual world and the real world. Kuroyukihime. Every time he looks at her, she reminds him of Seraphim; though Kuroyukihime is much more refined in her actions, doesn’t call a certain someone ‘A piece of shit’. Like how a classic yamato nadeshiko supposed to act. ‘Sadly, Kuroyukihime doesn’t have Sera’s large-’ He mentally stopped himself from completing that train of thought. ‘Damnit, did that Orito guy corrupted me?’ The then proceeded towards his destination, completely missing the fact that Kuroyukihime was looking at him. -=0=- “DAMNIT!” Haruyuki let out a string of swear words after missing the ball on the game of squash. “JUST AN INCH! JUST ONE FUCKING INCH!” “Oh… so this is where hiding! You’re no where to be found during lunchtime so I decided to look for you.” A familiar voice spoke, “And, did you just swear?” “Ah… Chiyu…” He was about to explain himself on the swearing part but he was cut off when his childhood friend let out a yelp of surprise. “What on Earth! Level 152?! 2.68 million points?!” “Heh. I can do better than that.” he boasted, but his answer just annoyed her. “Are you stupid?! Log off right now!” “No way! I can do whatever I want!” “I see. It’s how it is huh.” She pouted before saying. “Link out!” After seeing his friend’s avatar dissolve, he decided to go for another round of squash. ‘I need to get fas-’ his thought was interrupted when he felt something from the real realm hit him. He then found himself back in the library; only with someone else who is now standing right in front of him. “Link out by force, take that.” Chiyuri said with a victorious grin. “Ouch, that hurts.” Haruyuki lied. A regular human needs to unlock the 100% threshold of it’s limiter in order to properly hurt him. ‘But then again, nothing hurts like getting a chainsaw stabbed through my stomach.’ He thought. “ru? Haru?! Are you listening?!” “Ahahaha. Sorry Chiyu, I spaced out for a moment there.” “Mou. You really changed ever since you went back from Tokyo.” She pouted. “Hahaha.” He then began to scratch the back of his head nervously. “Can’t you really tell me what happened to you in Tokyo?” She asked as she did her ‘kitten eyes technique’. “Well… you see…” his eyes began too look around and find something that will steer the conversation off-topic. His eyes then drifted to the basket she is carrying. “You haven’t eaten yet?” “Ah!” She was snapped out of her technique and answered, “I was hoping we could eat lunch together.” “I would like to but-” He knows his bullies were still out to get him and he doesn’t like the idea of getting caught by them along with Chiyuri. And the last time he heard, she has a boyfriend. “Then let’s eat here.” She said happily as she opened the basket which contained various sandwiches. “Hey, the Head Librarian might cau-” He was cut off when he received a mail. Opening it, he found out it was from the Head Librarian. <<I got your backs, just gimme some later.>> Seeing that Chiyuri also got the same message, he replied to the Head Librarian. <<Thank you ferret.>> “Stop calling me ferret!” the voice of the annoyed Head Librarian was heard, eliciting giggles from those who are in the library. -=0=- After thanking Chiyuri for the nice lunch, he went back to the Umesato Virtual Network to continue playing squash, only to be surprised at the score board. <<UNKNOWN, Level 166, 3.76 million points>> “No way.” If his avatar has the function to do the jawdrop, he could have done it now. His previous scores were not just beaten; they were completely outclassed by a considerable amount. “Are you the one who logged those ridiculously high scores?” A female voice asked. Looking at the source of the voice, he saw it came from the Vice-President herself, Kuroyukihime. “Do you want to accelerate to the next level, young man?” She asked. “Then show up in the lounge tomorrow noon.” He blinked for a moment; only to find out she was gone already. Her words caught his curiosity though. “Tomorrow then.” He muttered as he decided to try beating the score of the unknown player, which he definitely knew was registered by Kuroyukihime. -=0=- So the next day, Haruyuki went to the lounge and met up with Kuroyukihime. A few moments later, he found himself sitting in front of the Vice-President and having tea with her while getting shocked stares from the other students in the lounge. “…” “…” The silence between the two was thick. No one dared approach them for the fear of upsetting either of the two. Kuroyukihime then pulled out a long cable and connected one end on her Neuro-Linker and she then offered the other end to Haruyuki. He was about to comment that this type of communication is usually done by lovers, but he decided to keep it to himself when the remembered the instances his senior, Aikawa Ayumu, found himself into for making bad comments. So he took the offered end of the cable and connected it on his Neuro-Linker. He ignored the rather loud ‘EH?!’ coming from various people and the intense glares a few boys were giving him. ‘Good thing I have experienced this type of situation when Chris and Ariel always ask me to go to the shopping mall...’ He thought as he recalled the stares and glares the people, especially the males, were giving him when they walked from one shop to another while having a girl in every arm. It makes him wonder why every time Ariel asks him to go with her, Chris shows up and tags along. Ariel also shows up when Chris ask him to go with her. ‘Though the glares the two giving at each other…’ “I’m sorry for calling you all the way here, Arita Haruyuki.” She spoke mentally, as she took a sip on the cup of tea in front of her. “It’s alright.” He replied, taking a sip on his. “Nice, Earl Gray… Anyways, what is this ‘accelerate to the next level’ you’re talking about?” “It’s better if I send the program to you.” On Haruyuki’s point of view, he saw a purple butterfly flew from Kuroyukihime’s Neuro-Linker towards him. A popup window then showed up, asking if he wants to install the received program. __________________

2012-08-13, 18:13	Link #98
FlameSparkZ the "Z" is for "Zeta" Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Portugal	Just finished, scanned and upped the drawing I did of one of my OCs: Renka's school network avatar Had it in my head for a while, and couldn't focus on drawing the duel avatars so I had to do it Like Kuroyukihime's, Renka's avatar is a replica of her appearance, plus the obvious additions The outfit is mostly red with gold trimmings, except for the inner part that is black and white. Well then, back to sketching DAs __________________ My Lazy Pixiv Page \| Twitter

2012-08-14, 00:53	Link #100
blitz1/2 Tenshi's Defense Squadron Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system	I wonder if I should start do something of a crossover between Transformers (plotwise) and Accel world. I mean, I can so picture a more of an all out war after Kuroyuki's call to everyone to fight. And resulting in MASSIVE amounts of people losing their Brain Burst, causing a crash in the system.... __________________ hai, hai. Onii-chan has his work cut out for him.

2012-08-06, 21:37	Link #83
Orange Duke オレンジ色の王 Author Join Date: Jul 2012 Age: 20	I believe you're immediately logged out the moment the match ends though. Might want to make it as though someone challenged him again after his match against the two, though it can't be the two who do it as you can only challenge a certain Linker once per day. The only way you can view a match is if you subscribe to a linker so that you're transported to the gallery when the match happens, since each match only lasts 1.8 seconds in real life.

2012-08-07, 03:36	Link #87
Orange Duke オレンジ色の王 Author Join Date: Jul 2012 Age: 20	Then it is rather strange how Haru didn't inquire about how an execution is carried out, considering that he has exhibited a curiosity about every new term that is bought up about Accel World.

2012-08-08, 03:59	Link #92
Orange Duke オレンジ色の王 Author Join Date: Jul 2012 Age: 20	How does his aunt send him the shopping list if he's not connected to the Global Net?

2012-08-08, 05:46	Link #94
Orange Duke オレンジ色の王 Author Join Date: Jul 2012 Age: 20	Ah yes, I forgot about that.

2012-08-10, 14:24	Link #95
churchblue Banned Join Date: Dec 2008	I don't see too many things wrong with Carbon Arrow's user, Taiyou. He started out a rich life and then it all blew up (literally). I already told you his weakness is trusting people. He basically has a wall around himself. He feels uneasy around other Burst Linkers (he hates ones that abuse the game). Him using Incernate System is obvious after spend "5 years of hell". Also the guy is trying to be social which he isn't good at. He's been scarred mentally and physically. I'm not saying he's "super", it's just he has his moments. His surviving skills in real life made him a better burst linker. He also was a Black Lotus fan as a kid, however now he is not sure of it. The guy mainly became somewhat emo. At least this character is better than my "Shadow Tesla" character.

2012-08-12, 18:43	Link #97
novalysis Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2011	I think I know what is bugging me about the last part - it's the fragmentary nature of the very last section - it feels hanging, and I think you might want to shift it to the next chapter, or continue with the entire Brain burst Installation process and explanation. The other problem is that your writing fills a little stilted at times, and your phrasing can be a little awkward.