2011-10-23, 04:17 | Link #4021 | |
VxR Productions
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have you Read the part that i said "i have been looking at / posting in"?
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oh goodie, page claim |
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2011-10-23, 04:50 | Link #4024 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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Since I feel bad about missing the party, here's the new <Ren> draft.
@ Zero and Wavehawk - Please tell me what you think. Spoiler:
@ Zero - Corrupt my innocent soul? You're talking about the person who's writing "SWC" and is currently writing a psycho vs psycho noir fic. |
2011-10-23, 04:59 | Link #4025 |
Some say I'm the Reverse
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Eratas...sorry, I'm going to put my military freak hat on now...
Those must be the two STUPIDEST "Commandoes" I've ever met.
If they were unprofessional and intentionally stupid (EG like the Dunois Security people I had <Ren> beat the crap out of) in my first story, I would suggest making it pretty obviosu to the reader that that's so... Essentially, it's similar to or the same as the Accel vs Hound Dogs scene in the Index anime.
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2011-10-23, 05:10 | Link #4027 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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I'm also going for a bit of the worf effect here. They were cocky because they thought they could beat him easily and they were armed to the teeth too so they didn't expect this one teenager to start picking them off one by one, if you remember in the first part Mark ignored <Ren>'s advice because he assumed they could easily finish it up. They even switch roles in the team to provide a balance but this poses the problem that no one is specifically good at anything, just average over all. Of course, this will make it all the more apparent how strong <Ren> is when she goes there and utterly demolishes his ass. The hound dogs scene was exactly where I got this scene though Don't worry, the part after this won't be copied from index any more. |
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2011-10-23, 05:22 | Link #4028 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
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Well, if anyone interested (assuming they didn't found it first or is in the military) here's few manuals to help...
Few manuals huh... Currently reading FM 100-103 "Army Airspace Command and Control in a Combat Zone"
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2011-10-23, 05:27 | Link #4029 |
Some say I'm the Reverse
Join Date: Jul 2006
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It doesn't have to be 100% accurate, just reasonably competent. You'd think that a commando unit's members woudl at least have some sense of discipline--or common sense in that they wouldn't underestimate an opponent.
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2011-10-23, 05:36 | Link #4037 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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All the intel they received pointed to a lone fugitive who shouldn't even have the capacity to fight back and just got lucky so far in dealing with the previous squad so that also gives them reason to be lax. Thanks for all the advice though, when I make a new fic with scenes like this I'll be sure to make it more realistic and easier to swallow. |
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2011-10-23, 05:56 | Link #4038 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
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@ Zero, Meister, Stratos, and Agetreme - Alright, time for some mood whiplash! Here's the first part of "SWC" Maximillian epilogue. All of the male OC's make an appearance.
Note: Skipped Kyuukai again here, Laura wouldn't let any other girls near her "wife" Spoiler:
I don't know what I just wrote. Last edited by Eratas123; 2011-10-23 at 06:13. |
2011-10-23, 06:05 | Link #4040 | |||
~ Your Smile ~
Author
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: 346Pro
Age: 38
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I'll get to that in a while... Quote:
Talking about the weather. It's crazy out here... Quote:
But alas, EXAMS! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT, WAVEHAWK!! ONORE WAVEHAWK!!!!
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fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
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