Claymore Fanfiction Discussion

[Negativedark]

I need to log into ff.net and give you reviews. For now lets just say that I really enjoy your claymore fics. Also need to read notebook sometime.
Note to self, make my friend hurry up and get my that copy of open office so I can post on ff.net again....

[Hamstadini]

And speak of the devil... Silver Grey has been updated.

[Fenrir_valindri]

I put alot of effort into this one, kinda watered up my eyes a bit.

Spoiler for Stories of the North Part 3:

Tales from the North part 3


The howling wind and the sound of snow crushed beneath boot was the only sound that could be heard for miles.

Miria sighed.

After spending an entire week with Helen, the beautiful sound of silence should have been a comfort to her.

But it wasn’t, the reason why?

Clare was why.

Normally Clare’s silence would be appreciated, and in a way; was expected, but today was different somehow.

The air felt tense for some reason. Miria could have sworn Clare was staring a hole into her back.

The question was, what did Clare want to say, and more importantly, why didn’t she just come out and say it?

Clare had been acting odd for awhile, looking back on it now, more separated from the group then she usual was.

That was not good; Clare was never a very good team player, often jumping into the fray, despite orders not to.

Despite Clare’s cool exterior, she was as hot-headed as Helen, if not more so. The only time Miria had ever seen Clare work exceptionally well in a team was with Flora.

Flora was dead, 3 years dead.

Jean too, perhaps that was the reason she did not work well with others?

Was it because those that she grew close to died? The deaths of Jean and Flora had been a heavier blow for Clare then most of us, but still she found it unlikely that that alone wou—

“Miria” said a voice from behind her.

Miria stopped, she had gotten lost in thought again; she was starting to develop a bad-habit of doing that.

“Is there a problem Clare?” Miria said, facing Clare.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

(Tell me something I don’t know) Miria sighed inwardly.

“What is it Clare?” Miria stated simply, crossing her arms, her expression one of patience.

“How?”

Miria stared at Clare for a moment.

“You are going to have to be more specif-“ Miria started.

“How can you stand waiting up here for 3 years, waiting so long for revenge on the people who wronged us?” Clare said, heat entering both her expression and her voice.

The question startled Miria, this was defiantly unexpected.

“I don’t see how you can stand it, how the others can stand it.” Clare continued, eyes focused on Miria.

“The only thing keeping me here is my search for Raki, if it wasn't for that I woul-“

“Fear” was Miria’s simple reply.

Clare’s heated expression transformed into one of shock.

Then her features began to change to anger.

“FEAR!? Miria how coul-“

“I was not finished yet Clare.” Miria said cooly, quelling Clare’s outrage.

Clare’s lips closed, her features struggling to regain composure.

“Yes, fear Clare, I am afraid.” Miria continued, her eyes locked onto Clare’s.

“I am afraid of what will happen if we screw up, if we just go off without a plan, without being prepared, what then?”

Clare’s expression cracked again, this time one of astonishment.

“If I lead us out of here, on a blind quest for vengeance, we will all die, of that I have no doubt. I want us to be prepared; I want us to be ready before we move, because if we fail, not only will all those who entrusted their spirits to us have done so in vain, I would also be personally responsible for getting you all killed.”
Miria stopped, let her words settle into Clare's mind.

Clare remembered then, 3 years ago, a broken figure in the snow, crying over the people she couldn’t save, despite the fact she had saved more then anyone thought possible.

She had felt responsible despite the fact that she had saved the lives of the six other warriors now surviving here in the north.

Clare suddenly felt ashamed.

“I don’t want anymore of my friends to die on me Clare” Miria said, placing a hand on Clare’s shoulder.

"The only reason I am able to stay here is because I am able to share my pain with you all, because you all support me, do you understand that Clare?" Miria said, her gaze never wavering.

“I understand Miria.” Clare replied quietly, looking away from Miria’s eyes.

It was hard for her to stare into the determined, unwavering eyes of her leader.

-------------------------------------------

They had continued to walk along, now in the remains of yet another ruined village, a nearby abandoned leatherworking shop appeared to be Miria's goal.

The silence had returned, and this time it's victim was Clare.

Miria's words had affected her greatly, and Clare found herself developing a newfound respect for her commander.

(Miria is so strong) Clare thought.

All this time, despite her own desire for vengeance, Miria put her comrades first, she treated them like family.

Family; that was a word that sparked old memories in Clare, a word she associated two important people not related to her by blood, two important women that Clare kept close to her heart.

The first was Teresa, her sister, the one who had returned the color to her world, and in a way, her mother, the one whose flesh and blood she carried inside her.

The second was Irene, who had given her the strength and resolve to continue on her impossible quest, her mentor, the one who had sacrificed a part of herself for her, and smiled.

And now…..

Clare decided.

“Miria, there is something I want to tell you.” Clare said, raising her head, and staring straight into Miria’s eyes, determination shining in her silver eyes.

Healing was was a slow process for the heart, and if someone as strong as Miria needed the support of others to help her, then maybe she did as well.

"I want to tell you about something I have kept hidden from you and the others, about my past.....and about my family."

Took a step away from humor, but kept to the friendship theme.

Edit: Added in and reworked some stuff, ty for the help guys!

[Hamstadini]

It was pretty good, seems ripe for drama. The only qualm I had was with the sudden switch in perspective - traditionally, an author keeps to the head of one person in a segment, and doesn't switch to the other so quickly. It is...jarring to the reader.

The problem is, the last half of the segment has to deal with Claire. There's no other way around it. Which means to keep to the "traditional" narrative, you'd either need to have Claire spilling her guts out (metaphorically) or you'd need to have a line break. Neither of which are very good options.

Another thing you could do is have this segment done in Claire's POV instead of Miria's, but you seem to identify more with Miria... *shrug* my suggestions are limited.

[emu777]

Originally Posted by Fenrir_valindri

I put alot of effort into this one, kinda watered up my eyes a bit.

Spoiler for Stories of the North Part 3:

Tales from the North part 3


The howling wind and the sound of snow crushed beneath boot was the only sound that could be heard for miles.

Miria sighed.

After spending an entire week with Helen, the beautiful sound of silence should have been a comfort to her.

But it wasn’t, the reason why?

Clare was why.

Normally Clare’s silence would be appreciated, and in a way; was expected, but today was different somehow.

The air felt tense for some reason. Miria could have sworn Clare was staring a hole into her back.

The question was, what did Clare want to say, and more importantly, why didn’t she just come out and say it?

Clare had been acting odd for awhile, looking back on it now, more separated from the group then she usual was.

That was not good; Clare was never a very good team player, often jumping into the fray, despite orders not to.

Despite Clare’s cool exterior, she was as hot-headed as Helen, if not more so. The only time Miria had ever seen Clare work exceptionally well in a team was with Flora.

Flora was dead, 3 years dead.

Jean too, perhaps that was the reason she did not work well with others?

Was it because those that she grew close to died? The deaths of Jean and Flora had been a heavier blow for Clare then most of us, but still I find it unlikely that that alone wou—

“Miria” said a voice from behind her.

Miria stopped, she had gotten lost in thought again; she was starting to develop a bad-habit of doing that.

“Is there a problem Clare?” Miria said, facing Clare.

“I wanted to ask you something.”

(Tell me something I don’t know) Miria sighed inwardly.

“What is it Clare?” Miria stated simply, crossing her arms, her expression one of patience.

“How?”

Miria stared at Clare for a moment.

“You are going to have to be more specif-“ Miria started.

“How can you stand waiting up here for 3 years, waiting so long for revenge on the people who wronged us?” Clare said, heat entering both her expression and her voice.

The question startled Miria, this was defiantly unexpected.

“I don’t see how you can stand it, how the others can stand it.” Clare continued, eyes focused on Miria.

“The only thing keeping me here is my search for Raki, if it wasent for that I woul-“

“Fear” was Miria’s simple reply.

Clare’s heated expression transformed into one of shock.

Then her features began to change to anger.

“FEAR!? Miria how coul-“

“Do not interrupt!” Miria said, overriding Clare’s outrage.

Clare’s lips closed, her features struggling to regain composure.

“Yes, fear Clare, I am afraid.” Miria continued, her eyes locked onto Clare’s.

“I am afraid of what will happen if we screw up, if we just go off without a plan, without being prepared, what then?”

Clare’s expression cracked again, this time one of astonishment.

“If I lead us out of here, on a blind quest for vengeance, we will all die, of that I have no doubt. I want us to be prepared; I want us to be ready before we move, because if we fail, not only will all those who entrusted their spirits to us have done so in vain, I would also be personally responsible for getting you all killed.”
Miria stopped, let her words settle into Clare's mind.

Clare remembered then, 3 years ago, a broken figure in the snow, crying over the people she couldn’t save, despite the fact she had saved more then anyone thought possible.

She had felt responsible despite the fact that she had saved the lives of the six other warriors now surviving here in the north.

Clare suddenly felt ashamed.

“I don’t want anymore of my friends to die on me Clare” Miria said, placing a hand on Clare’s shoulder.

"The only reason I am able to stay here is because I am able to share my pain with you all, because you all support me, do you understand that Clare?" Miria said, her gaze never wavering.

“I understand Miria.” Clare replied quietly, looking away from Miria’s eyes.

(Miria is so strong) Clare thought.

All this time, despite her own desire for vengeance, Miria put her comrades first, she treated them like family.

Family; that was a word Clare had associated two important people with, two important women that Clare kept close to her heart.

The first was Teresa, her sister, the one who had returned the color to her world, and in a way, her mother.

The second was Irene, who had given her the strength and resolve to continue on her impossible quest, her mentor, the one who had sacrificed a part of herself for her, and smiled.

And now…..

Clare decided.

“Miria, there is something I want to tell you.” Clare said, raising her head, and staring straight into Miria’s eyes, determination shining in her silver eyes.

Healing was was a slow process for the heart, and if someone as strong as Miria needed the support of others to help her, then maybe I do too.

"I want to tell you about something I have kept hidden from you and the others, about my past.....and about my family."

Took a step away from humor, but kept to the friendship theme.

Hmmmm.....this chapter does have a certain je ne ces quos to it(even if it is a little short), although it definitley doesent keep with the mood. also you might want to mention something about the quest for new unforms just for chapter linkage purposes.
Again keep up the good work.

[Tempest35]

Was it because those that she grew close to died? The deaths of Jean and Flora had been a heavier blow for Clare then most of us, but still I find it unlikely that that alone wou—

-3rd person correction would be: but still she found
-and-

Healing was was a slow process for the heart, and if someone as strong as Miria needed the support of others to help her, then maybe I do too.

-3rd person correction: then maybe she did too -or- then maybe she needed support as well.

My views - Switched to 1st person in these two spots. They didn't seem like actual thoughts that would need the '()'s so I assumed that you wanted to keep a 3rd person view going... Since this particular chapter is a little more somber...more attention to the surroundings in how it relates to both Miria's and Clare's moods would add a bit more to the atmosphere. Walking through a ruined town would definitely add to this particular one. Okay, that's my writing corner bit. Gambare.

[Zatoichi8820XX]

Spoiler for Bleach and Claymore: Curent with the manga Storyline:

Ok I know it's rarely been done..I was thinking of Having a Bleach and Claymore crossover fanfic. Like the plot is that Ichigo and Co. ends up in the World of Claymore and they have to figure out how to get back. But they are paired with the Seven Survivors of Pieta. Ichigo and Clare pairings

[Tempest35]

The Seven = Vizards...easiest/fastest comparison I can draw. And I'll have to see how you approach this before making further comments.

[Zatoichi8820XX]

Originally Posted by Tempest35

The Seven = Vizards...easiest/fastest comparison I can draw. And I'll have to see how you approach this before making further comments.

well here's my profile:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/640164/

and there will be pairings
Hitsugaya and Miria
Ichigo and Clare
Renji and Helen (aguing mostly)
the story will have three parts to it.

[Fenrir_valindri]

Originally Posted by Zatoichi8820XX

well here's my profile:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/640164/

and there will be pairings
Hitsugaya and Miria
Ichigo and Clare
Renji and Helen (aguing mostly)
the story will have three parts to it.

Was fine with all but the first one
Hitsugaya? I do not really see it.

Ty for the tips all, will try to see what I can do.

Edit: Reworked some stuff, and added some stuff in, please check it out guys!

[Hamstadini]

Originally Posted by Zatoichi8820XX

well here's my profile:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/640164/

and there will be pairings
Hitsugaya and Miria
Ichigo and Clare
Renji and Helen (aguing mostly)
the story will have three parts to it.

:-S Apologies for the criticism, but it sounds too... forced, like the characters are getting together because it's the Will of The Powers That Be to do so. Ichigo and Claire cannot develop in three chapters (if these parts are chapters) without significant personality change on either one or both of their parts - I imagine Ichigo the spitfire from the manga, drawing his sword first and asking questions later. Renji and Helen? What about all that romantic tension between he and Rukia? Can he just set that aside and go after a Claymore? Unbelievable, in my opinion.

My advice? Prove to me that these characters belong together. Make it long, make it slow. Show me that they identify with each other more than as killing machines. Don't have them fall in love right away - a few bumps along the road will do nicely. And I swear, if you have Claire totally forget about Raki and her promise to him, I will parody.

[Tempest35]

Originally Posted by Zatoichi8820XX

well here's my profile:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/640164/

and there will be pairings
Hitsugaya and Miria
Ichigo and Clare
Renji and Helen (aguing mostly)
the story will have three parts to it.

Whaa~ no Sado/Deneve?? XD

Sorry if you feel that some people in here are against your idea but these girls are most beloved, especially on this forum and as such, they are ready to go 'DAI GURREN DAN' on anyone who would alter these characters without good reason. We just want the best for our Claymores so do your best~ Or Hammy will send a Raki your way. XD
The thought of Clare yelling 'Bankai' though is appealing on some level.

@ Fenris - Reads much better now. This will be the last time I nag on this chapter but you know it's in love for Miria.

Spoiler for once more for constructive critique...I promise:

“FEAR!? Miria how coul-“

“Do not interrupt!” Miria said, overriding Clare’s outrage.

Clare’s lips closed, her features struggling to regain composure.

The highlighted area is the only part I sense a 'bump' in the road. For me, I see her saying, "I was not finished Clare," Miria said, the authorative tone in her voice overriding Clare's outrage.
I should have added on to my 'notes' that I sent that while Miria would very likely yell at Clare, she doesn't want to. She might feel like it though but she won't - yelling is a form of loss of control and Miria hates that.

Dang, now I feel like I'm back in highschool, helping English teachers as a pre-reader and grader...@_@

[Fenrir_valindri]

thanks for pointing that out tempest, now that I look back on it, it does seem a bit more OOC then I would have prefered. I'll fix it in a bit.

Edit: added the fix, ty for the help guys.

[Zatoichi8820XX]

Originally Posted by Tempest35

Whaa~ no Sado/Deneve?? XD

Sorry if you feel that some people in here are against your idea but these girls are most beloved, especially on this forum and as such, they are ready to go 'DAI GURREN DAN' on anyone who would alter these characters without good reason. We just want the best for our Claymores so do your best~ Or Hammy will send a Raki your way. XD
The thought of Clare yelling 'Bankai' though is appealing on some level.

@ Fenris - Reads much better now. This will be the last time I nag on this chapter but you know it's in love for Miria.

Spoiler for once more for constructive critique...I promise:

The highlighted area is the only part I sense a 'bump' in the road. For me, I see her saying, "I was not finished Clare," Miria said, the authorative tone in her voice overriding Clare's outrage.
I should have added on to my 'notes' that I sent that while Miria would very likely yell at Clare, she doesn't want to. She might feel like it though but she won't - yelling is a form of loss of control and Miria hates that.

Dang, now I feel like I'm back in highschool, helping English teachers as a pre-reader and grader...@_@

Originally Posted by Hamstadini

:-S Apologies for the criticism, but it sounds too... forced, like the characters are getting together because it's the Will of The Powers That Be to do so. Ichigo and Claire cannot develop in three chapters (if these parts are chapters) without significant personality change on either one or both of their parts - I imagine Ichigo the spitfire from the manga, drawing his sword first and asking questions later. Renji and Helen? What about all that romantic tension between he and Rukia? Can he just set that aside and go after a Claymore? Unbelievable, in my opinion.

My advice? Prove to me that these characters belong together. Make it long, make it slow. Show me that they identify with each other more than as killing machines. Don't have them fall in love right away - a few bumps along the road will do nicely. And I swear, if you have Claire totally forget about Raki and her promise to him, I will parody.

Originally Posted by Fenrir_valindri

Was fine with all but the first one
Hitsugaya? I do not really see it.

Ty for the tips all, will try to see what I can do.

Edit: Reworked some stuff, and added some stuff in, please check it out guys!

no no..it's not romantic (except Miria and Hitsugaya) But With the other pairing..is battle against each other at the first part. (I ment that the story it self well be split in to three sparate storylines. I'm PM you later for the full explaination.

[Fenrir_valindri]

I just really cant see Miria with Hitsugaya in all honesty. It just does not fit, Clare is the one who goes after younger guys afterall.

and dont get technical on Hitsugaya's age on me, he is still a bozu.

Edit: Uploaded chapter 3 of Stories from the North on Fanfiction.net, please Read and Review, added a bit more to the FF.net version, not much though.

[Zatoichi8820XX]

Originally Posted by Fenrir_valindri

I just really cant see Miria with Hitsugaya in all honesty. It just does not fit, Clare is the one who goes after younger guys afterall.

and dont get technical on Hitsugaya's age on me, he is still a bozu.

Edit: Uploaded chapter 3 of Stories from the North on Fanfiction.net, please Read and Review, added a bit more to the FF.net version, not much though.

damn I really have to work something out with that. But with Clare and Ichigo it's more like a friendship thing.

[Fenrir_valindri]

Originally Posted by Zatoichi8820XX

damn I really have to work something out with that. But with Clare and Ichigo it's more like a friendship thing.

I could see that working, the Clare/Ichigo friendship.

[Tempest35]

Originally Posted by Fenrir_valindri

I just really cant see Miria with Hitsugaya in all honesty. It just does not fit, Clare is the one who goes after younger guys afterall.

and dont get technical on Hitsugaya's age on me, he is still a bozu.

Edit: Uploaded chapter 3 of Stories from the North on Fanfiction.net, please Read and Review, added a bit more to the FF.net version, not much though.

Alright, yet another chapter is up. I really should get to work on continuing 'Rank 47' but I feel too lazy about it right now.

:muse at work here:
I see Cynthia and Helen pulling a modest little modeling show together for them, complete with food and ale - a small party to the birth of their new group. But that could wait...

:kicks myself to go work on Irene's part in my story:

[Zatoichi8820XX]

Originally Posted by Fenrir_valindri

I could see that working, the Clare/Ichigo friendship.

oh yeah can you link me you you story..I whould really love to read it.

[Fenrir_valindri]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3763312/...from_the_North

Hehe, any constructive reviews are appreciated, I try my best to improve.