Dating

[GDB]

Auburn and strawberry blonde are both just shades of red to guys. Don't get fancy with your vermilions, cardinals, and other variations. Red is red.

[Samari]

Originally Posted by GDB

Auburn and strawberry blonde are both just shades of red to guys. Don't get fancy with your vermilions, cardinals, and other variations. Red is red.

Word. If it looks like it belongs in a cartoon then it's just not for me.

[Last Sinner]

*ahem*

I'm a guy and I do care about those things. The different shades of red invoke quite differing effects.

[Cream]

Originally Posted by GDB

Auburn and strawberry blonde are both just shades of red to guys. Don't get fancy with your vermilions, cardinals, and other variations. Red is red.

Well, the different shades of red could give off different vibes

[Knightrunner]

Originally Posted by Last Sinner

*ahem*

I'm a guy and I do care about those things. The different shades of red invoke quite differing effects.

Agreed. My kallen signature is the prove of the vibes of red I can't wait for Ch. 2 as Syn. as the main character.

[RadiantBeam]

Somehow, Syn has become the main character of a romance novel. Who knew.

[Flinch]

Being able to tell colors apart is a very rare trait amongst men. I find it valuable, even if I get badgered for it constantly.

[zebra]

No fanart yet?
We should totally get an own thread for the adventures of Syn!

@Flinch, it really is. You don't have these debates with women:
"Could you pass me the blue paper?"
"The turquoise one?"
"That's the same."
"It's not."
"It's blue!"
"No, it's more greenish!"
"But it's still blue!!"
etc. till the endless loop gets interrupted by an outside force.

[Flinch]

Originally Posted by zebra

No fanart yet?
We should totally get an own thread for the adventures of Syn!

@Flinch, it really is. You don't have these debates with women:
"Could you pass me the blue paper?"
"The turquoise one?"
"That's the same."
"It's not."
"It's blue!"
"No, it's more greenish!"
"But it's still blue!!"
etc. till the endless loop gets interrupted by an outside force.

I've ended up in such quarrels many times before, and they were quite entertaining on the clear difference between slight shades which they couldn't identify.

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by GDB

As long as it's natural. Something about fake redheads turns me off more than any other bad dye job (except maybe bad green... bad green looks horrid).

True that. Bad dye jobs really screw the look.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Dextro

True that. Bad dye jobs really screw the look.

My cousin, who is a natural blonde, once dyed her hair bright red. It looked absolutely horrible on her.

[Last Sinner]

Valid point for in general cases, but until people have actually seen synaesthetic's aesthetics for real, can we not slam her for being a redhead? It could be she would make people eat those words once they see her for real.

And for the record, while I have seen unwarranted cases of such a hair dying, I've seen some blondes have great results by going redhead. So give her the benefit of the doubt.

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Last Sinner

Valid point for in general cases, but until people have actually seen synaesthetic's aesthetics for real, can we not slam her for being a redhead? It could be she would make people eat those words once they see her for real.

Sounds like someone needs to actually read the conversation. No one was "slamming" syn. Just because syn dyes her hair, and some dye jobs look horrid, does not necessitate that syn's dye job is horrid. No need to spin things into a negative light for no reason.

[Crashmaking Zoomatic]

So, hello, everyone! I've been lurking this thread for...such a long time, it's not even funny. I'm sure it's been over a year now! I know some of you quite well when...the opposite definitely does not hold true. Hmm. Maybe that's a bit creepy, wahaha!

Well, regardless, I've finally decided to join in, spurred on by a problem of my own. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm honestly not sure what to do. It's a little long, for which I apologize. I'll place it under a spoiler tag, haha.

Spoiler for Length:

I'm not all too sure where to begin, so please bear with me if I seem to go off on tangents. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for almost two years now, and I've known him for about two and a quarter. We met online actually, as we played the same role-playing game, and whilst I was completely adamant about never having an online relationship, I ended up falling for him pretty hard. I had also blocked myself off from any sort of relationship due to parental influence. They were always against us entering into anything of that sort, us being me and my younger brother. My family and I originate from India, and my parents are very traditional, which is funny as they followed none of their own rules whilst growing up (I.E, getting together at my age and being "bad kids" as they word it; they're not very detailed when it comes to this, though I know my mother ignored my grandmother and aunt when it came to getting together with my father). Now, I'm quite sure she regrets not listening, as I can't say my parent's relationship is very loving (or healthy, most of the times).

I think the main problem makes itself clear, huh? Theo, my boyfriend, is very important to me. Never have I known or met someone I could be so comfortable around, or someone who knew me inside and out. He understands my actions sometimes when even I can't understand them, and he really is my emotional support; an anchor, of sorts. Our relationship is definitely serious, and we have met in person twice now. The first visit was when he came to tour the United States last summer (did I mention he lives in England?). This wasn't a lie, since he had planned to before even meeting me, and when I spoke to my mother about it, she grudgingly allowed him to visit me for a week. It probably helped that he was visiting another of our mutual friends. My father learned later on and was less than pleased, but there was nothing he could do about it. Coincidentally, he was also gone when Theo actually came to visit. The visit was wonderful; I've always been one who could only take so much of another person's presence. I had never been able to spend time with any one person for a prolonged amount of time, prolonged being more than a few hours for me, but having him around for a week was simply wonderful. My mother seemed to like him, as did my grandmother, and he got along with my brother (through insults!). Then he had to continue on the rest of his trip. I was going to start college the next school year, and a few weeks prior, I told my mother about having feelings for him and being a relationship with him (in tears. I can't say I'm very good at expressing myself or being judged by someone close to me). She seemed to understand, telling me that it was normal, but that I should "keep it as friends". Pffft. That had already been blown out of the water ages ago, but I agreed with her. I had made a big step forwards telling my mother, and I had no plans on telling her that we did anything but just talk. And I had basically told her we were in a relationship.

Now, the second visit ended yesterday. That was difficult. Very difficult. Again, I had discussed it with my mother, gotten it approved (grudgingly), and later told my father outright that he was going to visit me, to which my father said nothing to (he discussed it later with my mother). This visit took place during college. Before hand, my parents kept stressing on the importance of "keeping it as friends", and my father seemed to become increasingly frustrated over the whole issue. It wasn't very nice; apparently if I did anything but be friends, they would pull me out of college and bring me back home. I agreed with them, saying I would behave, and that they needed to trust me. I'd like to believe that the threat is an empty one, and whenever they bring it up, my response is usually "Right, right. Of course." I've never been a difficult child, and I rarely ask for anything, which is why I think he was allowed to come. My father also spoke to Theo when he had arrived, and that went decently enough, I think. But apparently, having him over was incredibly stressful for them.

I wish they would calm down. I'm eighteen now, and I appreciate that they want to still watch over me and make sure I don't end up in a rut like them, but I think there's a limit. They've both told me that he's never allowed to visit again, which crushes my wants to go visit him too. If I bring up my age, they say that most people don't realize that my age is where parents need to tighten up and watch over their children more due to "raging hormones" etc. After all, I don't want to end up in a "loony bin" like most of the people from my town. Or so they say. But they're really being overprotective. They worry that he's going to take advantage of me, or that I'm going to go have copious amounts of sex with him, or me being in a relationship in general. My father tells me that I shouldn't "do anything with him for the sake of it", which isn't the case at all. I really do love Theo, and never have I been so close to a person. Not even a quarter as close. He's seen every single side there is to see of me, and is willing to wait it out with me when it comes to my parents. Even though we're both willing, it still puts a lot of strain. The thought that this might have been the last time we see each other for a few years is horrible and absolutely depressing.

Today, when speaking to my mom, who once again stated that he wasn't allowed to visit, I got a little angry, telling her that such a rule was "absolute crap" and that she couldn't completely stop him from visiting me, to which she asked me to redefine our "relationship" again. Aka, is there anything "physical or emotional" going on. Again, the "threat" of being sent back home was there. She had even mentioned it beforehand, stating that my dad would pull me out. So obviously, I had to tell her no, to which she wanted me to detail it again. I simply told her what I had before. He's my best friend; closest confidant. Etc. Etc. She already knows we like each other. I told her this ages ago, but it almost seems like she'll stay in denial about it. Even though it should be obvious. Even though I've basically told her the nature of our relationship. What I said wasn't a lie, in any case. She didn't really respond to me, getting preoccupied with work, and told me she'd talk to me later, to which I let her know that it was useless talking to her about such subjects. I never had been comfortable talking about particularly embarrassing things with her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and we have the best relationship after Theo, though you can't really compare the two or order them since one is maternal whilst the other is, well, romantic. My relationship with my dad that great, but that's due to his easy to anger and generally distant nature. In any case, she suddenly stopped, telling me that I couldn't not talk to her and that she would try to listen properly; that I should call her back when she's less busy, and she would listen without inserting her own opinions. But what do I say now? It feels like a pretty dead end situation with my parent's mentality, and I honestly don't know what to do. The only option I have so far is to try and study abroad next summer—in England, of course—but even that may be difficult. I've typed a lot, and basically given an overview of my situation, but well. The question I have in the end is just. What do I do? I honestly have no clue. It's incredibly stressful, and any sort of help would be so appreciated. Just. Thank you for reading this, haha.

[Flinch]

Originally Posted by Crashmaking Zoomatic

So, hello, everyone! I've been lurking this thread for...such a long time, it's not even funny. I'm sure it's been over a year now! I know some of you quite well when...the opposite definitely does not hold true. Hmm. Maybe that's a bit creepy, wahaha!

Well, regardless, I've finally decided to join in, spurred on by a problem of my own. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm honestly not sure what to do. It's a little long, for which I apologize. I'll place it under a spoiler tag, haha.

Spoiler for Length:

I'm not all too sure where to begin, so please bear with me if I seem to go off on tangents. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for almost two years now, and I've known him for about two and a quarter. We met online actually, as we played the same role-playing game, and whilst I was completely adamant about never having an online relationship, I ended up falling for him pretty hard. I had also blocked myself off from any sort of relationship due to parental influence. They were always against us entering into anything of that sort, us being me and my younger brother. My family and I originate from India, and my parents are very traditional, which is funny as they followed none of their own rules whilst growing up (I.E, getting together at my age and being "bad kids" as they word it; they're not very detailed when it comes to this, though I know my mother ignored my grandmother and aunt when it came to getting together with my father). Now, I'm quite sure she regrets not listening, as I can't say my parent's relationship is very loving (or healthy, most of the times).

I think the main problem makes itself clear, huh? Theo, my boyfriend, is very important to me. Never have I known or met someone I could be so comfortable around, or someone who knew me inside and out. He understands my actions sometimes when even I can't understand them, and he really is my emotional support; an anchor, of sorts. Our relationship is definitely serious, and we have met in person twice now. The first visit was when he came to tour the United States last summer (did I mention he lives in England?). This wasn't a lie, since he had planned to before even meeting me, and when I spoke to my mother about it, she grudgingly allowed him to visit me for a week. It probably helped that he was visiting another of our mutual friends. My father learned later on and was less than pleased, but there was nothing he could do about it. Coincidentally, he was also gone when Theo actually came to visit. The visit was wonderful; I've always been one who could only take so much of another person's presence. I had never been able to spend time with any one person for a prolonged amount of time, prolonged being more than a few hours for me, but having him around for a week was simply wonderful. My mother seemed to like him, as did my grandmother, and he got along with my brother (through insults!). Then he had to continue on the rest of his trip. I was going to start college the next school year, and a few weeks prior, I told my mother about having feelings for him and being a relationship with him (in tears. I can't say I'm very good at expressing myself or being judged by someone close to me). She seemed to understand, telling me that it was normal, but that I should "keep it as friends". Pffft. That had already been blown out of the water ages ago, but I agreed with her. I had made a big step forwards telling my mother, and I had no plans on telling her that we did anything but just talk. And I had basically told her we were in a relationship.

Now, the second visit ended yesterday. That was difficult. Very difficult. Again, I had discussed it with my mother, gotten it approved (grudgingly), and later told my father outright that he was going to visit me, to which my father said nothing to (he discussed it later with my mother). This visit took place during college. Before hand, my parents kept stressing on the importance of "keeping it as friends", and my father seemed to become increasingly frustrated over the whole issue. It wasn't very nice; apparently if I did anything but be friends, they would pull me out of college and bring me back home. I agreed with them, saying I would behave, and that they needed to trust me. I'd like to believe that the threat is an empty one, and whenever they bring it up, my response is usually "Right, right. Of course." I've never been a difficult child, and I rarely ask for anything, which is why I think he was allowed to come. My father also spoke to Theo when he had arrived, and that went decently enough, I think. But apparently, having him over was incredibly stressful for them.

I wish they would calm down. I'm eighteen now, and I appreciate that they want to still watch over me and make sure I don't end up in a rut like them, but I think there's a limit. They've both told me that he's never allowed to visit again, which crushes my wants to go visit him too. If I bring up my age, they say that most people don't realize that my age is where parents need to tighten up and watch over their children more due to "raging hormones" etc. After all, I don't want to end up in a "loony bin" like most of the people from my town. Or so they say. But they're really being overprotective. They worry that he's going to take advantage of me, or that I'm going to go have copious amounts of sex with him, or me being in a relationship in general. My father tells me that I shouldn't "do anything with him for the sake of it", which isn't the case at all. I really do love Theo, and never have I been so close to a person. Not even a quarter as close. He's seen every single side there is to see of me, and is willing to wait it out with me when it comes to my parents. Even though we're both willing, it still puts a lot of strain. The thought that this might have been the last time we see each other for a few years is horrible and absolutely depressing.

Today, when speaking to my mom, who once again stated that he wasn't allowed to visit, I got a little angry, telling her that such a rule was "absolute crap" and that she couldn't completely stop him from visiting me, to which she asked me to redefine our "relationship" again. Aka, is there anything "physical or emotional" going on. Again, the "threat" of being sent back home was there. She had even mentioned it beforehand, stating that my dad would pull me out. So obviously, I had to tell her no, to which she wanted me to detail it again. I simply told her what I had before. He's my best friend; closest confidant. Etc. Etc. She already knows we like each other. I told her this ages ago, but it almost seems like she'll stay in denial about it. Even though it should be obvious. Even though I've basically told her the nature of our relationship. What I said wasn't a lie, in any case. She didn't really respond to me, getting preoccupied with work, and told me she'd talk to me later, to which I let her know that it was useless talking to her about such subjects. I never had been comfortable talking about particularly embarrassing things with her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and we have the best relationship after Theo, though you can't really compare the two or order them since one is maternal whilst the other is, well, romantic. My relationship with my dad that great, but that's due to his easy to anger and generally distant nature. In any case, she suddenly stopped, telling me that I couldn't not talk to her and that she would try to listen properly; that I should call her back when she's less busy, and she would listen without inserting her own opinions. But what do I say now? It feels like a pretty dead end situation with my parent's mentality, and I honestly don't know what to do. The only option I have so far is to try and study abroad next summer—in England, of course—but even that may be difficult. I've typed a lot, and basically given an overview of my situation, but well. The question I have in the end is just. What do I do? I honestly have no clue. It's incredibly stressful, and any sort of help would be so appreciated. Just. Thank you for reading this, haha.

Well, you aren't a lurker anymore, so welcome. Also, that was a nice morning read, and such stories warrant walls of text.

With the formalities out of the way, let us start.
I can understand your parent's outlook on trying to keep you safe. I have a cousin (more of a sister when you look at how close we were) who is only about 14 months older than me, already with a kid that she is probably too young to raise properly. That is probably your parent's biggest fear, and I doubt that can be assuaged.

I'd go out on a limb and says that your mother knows, but doesn't want to take action. If you look at it through her perspective, it mustn't be easy on her when you see that she is really just caught in the middle of two opposite views.

I'd suggest that you try and become more intimate (physically more so) before going abroad to study (if you truly intend to). I'm not trying to cast doubt, but it seems more sound to make sure you have every angle covered.

Other than that, I hope everything works well.

[Crashmaking Zoomatic]

Haha, thank you! Glad to be here, and glad I could give you a nice morning read.

Oh, I'm positive that's the main fear. That and the fear that my grades will plummet, which are both understandable. I'm scared to death of the thought of getting pregnant myself, so I can completely understand that.

But I'm sure she knows, and is pretty hesitant with what to do, if anything. I think she understands that having him around in general (whether in person or not) is a great help for me, but at the same time, well. She's a mother who hasn't let go of her child yet (if they ever do!). But I don't quite understand. Become more intimate physically how? I didn't quite understand.

Thank you once again, though! I hope it does too.

[synaesthetic]

You're a legal adult. Tell them to mind their own fucking business. I have precisely zero patience for parents who want to control their kids like puppets, especially after they become adults.

Some folks just can't imagine the inevitable fact that kids grow up, meet someone, fall in love, have sex, make babies and have a family of their own.

[Prodigy]

Originally Posted by Crashmaking Zoomatic

So, hello, everyone! I've been lurking this thread for...such a long time, it's not even funny. I'm sure it's been over a year now! I know some of you quite well when...the opposite definitely does not hold true. Hmm. Maybe that's a bit creepy, wahaha!

Well, regardless, I've finally decided to join in, spurred on by a problem of my own. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm honestly not sure what to do. It's a little long, for which I apologize. I'll place it under a spoiler tag, haha.

Spoiler for Length:

I'm not all too sure where to begin, so please bear with me if I seem to go off on tangents. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for almost two years now, and I've known him for about two and a quarter. We met online actually, as we played the same role-playing game, and whilst I was completely adamant about never having an online relationship, I ended up falling for him pretty hard. I had also blocked myself off from any sort of relationship due to parental influence. They were always against us entering into anything of that sort, us being me and my younger brother. My family and I originate from India, and my parents are very traditional, which is funny as they followed none of their own rules whilst growing up (I.E, getting together at my age and being "bad kids" as they word it; they're not very detailed when it comes to this, though I know my mother ignored my grandmother and aunt when it came to getting together with my father). Now, I'm quite sure she regrets not listening, as I can't say my parent's relationship is very loving (or healthy, most of the times).

I think the main problem makes itself clear, huh? Theo, my boyfriend, is very important to me. Never have I known or met someone I could be so comfortable around, or someone who knew me inside and out. He understands my actions sometimes when even I can't understand them, and he really is my emotional support; an anchor, of sorts. Our relationship is definitely serious, and we have met in person twice now. The first visit was when he came to tour the United States last summer (did I mention he lives in England?). This wasn't a lie, since he had planned to before even meeting me, and when I spoke to my mother about it, she grudgingly allowed him to visit me for a week. It probably helped that he was visiting another of our mutual friends. My father learned later on and was less than pleased, but there was nothing he could do about it. Coincidentally, he was also gone when Theo actually came to visit. The visit was wonderful; I've always been one who could only take so much of another person's presence. I had never been able to spend time with any one person for a prolonged amount of time, prolonged being more than a few hours for me, but having him around for a week was simply wonderful. My mother seemed to like him, as did my grandmother, and he got along with my brother (through insults!). Then he had to continue on the rest of his trip. I was going to start college the next school year, and a few weeks prior, I told my mother about having feelings for him and being a relationship with him (in tears. I can't say I'm very good at expressing myself or being judged by someone close to me). She seemed to understand, telling me that it was normal, but that I should "keep it as friends". Pffft. That had already been blown out of the water ages ago, but I agreed with her. I had made a big step forwards telling my mother, and I had no plans on telling her that we did anything but just talk. And I had basically told her we were in a relationship.

Now, the second visit ended yesterday. That was difficult. Very difficult. Again, I had discussed it with my mother, gotten it approved (grudgingly), and later told my father outright that he was going to visit me, to which my father said nothing to (he discussed it later with my mother). This visit took place during college. Before hand, my parents kept stressing on the importance of "keeping it as friends", and my father seemed to become increasingly frustrated over the whole issue. It wasn't very nice; apparently if I did anything but be friends, they would pull me out of college and bring me back home. I agreed with them, saying I would behave, and that they needed to trust me. I'd like to believe that the threat is an empty one, and whenever they bring it up, my response is usually "Right, right. Of course." I've never been a difficult child, and I rarely ask for anything, which is why I think he was allowed to come. My father also spoke to Theo when he had arrived, and that went decently enough, I think. But apparently, having him over was incredibly stressful for them.

I wish they would calm down. I'm eighteen now, and I appreciate that they want to still watch over me and make sure I don't end up in a rut like them, but I think there's a limit. They've both told me that he's never allowed to visit again, which crushes my wants to go visit him too. If I bring up my age, they say that most people don't realize that my age is where parents need to tighten up and watch over their children more due to "raging hormones" etc. After all, I don't want to end up in a "loony bin" like most of the people from my town. Or so they say. But they're really being overprotective. They worry that he's going to take advantage of me, or that I'm going to go have copious amounts of sex with him, or me being in a relationship in general. My father tells me that I shouldn't "do anything with him for the sake of it", which isn't the case at all. I really do love Theo, and never have I been so close to a person. Not even a quarter as close. He's seen every single side there is to see of me, and is willing to wait it out with me when it comes to my parents. Even though we're both willing, it still puts a lot of strain. The thought that this might have been the last time we see each other for a few years is horrible and absolutely depressing.

Today, when speaking to my mom, who once again stated that he wasn't allowed to visit, I got a little angry, telling her that such a rule was "absolute crap" and that she couldn't completely stop him from visiting me, to which she asked me to redefine our "relationship" again. Aka, is there anything "physical or emotional" going on. Again, the "threat" of being sent back home was there. She had even mentioned it beforehand, stating that my dad would pull me out. So obviously, I had to tell her no, to which she wanted me to detail it again. I simply told her what I had before. He's my best friend; closest confidant. Etc. Etc. She already knows we like each other. I told her this ages ago, but it almost seems like she'll stay in denial about it. Even though it should be obvious. Even though I've basically told her the nature of our relationship. What I said wasn't a lie, in any case. She didn't really respond to me, getting preoccupied with work, and told me she'd talk to me later, to which I let her know that it was useless talking to her about such subjects. I never had been comfortable talking about particularly embarrassing things with her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and we have the best relationship after Theo, though you can't really compare the two or order them since one is maternal whilst the other is, well, romantic. My relationship with my dad that great, but that's due to his easy to anger and generally distant nature. In any case, she suddenly stopped, telling me that I couldn't not talk to her and that she would try to listen properly; that I should call her back when she's less busy, and she would listen without inserting her own opinions. But what do I say now? It feels like a pretty dead end situation with my parent's mentality, and I honestly don't know what to do. The only option I have so far is to try and study abroad next summer—in England, of course—but even that may be difficult. I've typed a lot, and basically given an overview of my situation, but well. The question I have in the end is just. What do I do? I honestly have no clue. It's incredibly stressful, and any sort of help would be so appreciated. Just. Thank you for reading this, haha.

I skimmed through most of it but I can understand your situation with your parents becasue I too am Indian and my parents are/were the same way.

Have you told your parents about studying abroad? If you somehow convince them to let you go, then I say go for it. Just make sure that you both truly want this and neither of you are having doubts about this relationship.

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

You're a legal adult. Tell them to mind their own fucking business. I have precisely zero patience for parents who want to control their kids like puppets, especially after they become adults.

Dude, that shit doesn't fly with most Indian parents. Trust me from experience.

[Knightrunner]

Originally Posted by Crashmaking Zoomatic

So, hello, everyone! I've been lurking this thread for...such a long time, it's not even funny. I'm sure it's been over a year now! I know some of you quite well when...the opposite definitely does not hold true. Hmm. Maybe that's a bit creepy, wahaha!

Well, regardless, I've finally decided to join in, spurred on by a problem of my own. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm honestly not sure what to do. It's a little long, for which I apologize. I'll place it under a spoiler tag, haha.

Spoiler for Length:

I'm not all too sure where to begin, so please bear with me if I seem to go off on tangents. I've been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for almost two years now, and I've known him for about two and a quarter. We met online actually, as we played the same role-playing game, and whilst I was completely adamant about never having an online relationship, I ended up falling for him pretty hard. I had also blocked myself off from any sort of relationship due to parental influence. They were always against us entering into anything of that sort, us being me and my younger brother. My family and I originate from India, and my parents are very traditional, which is funny as they followed none of their own rules whilst growing up (I.E, getting together at my age and being "bad kids" as they word it; they're not very detailed when it comes to this, though I know my mother ignored my grandmother and aunt when it came to getting together with my father). Now, I'm quite sure she regrets not listening, as I can't say my parent's relationship is very loving (or healthy, most of the times).

I think the main problem makes itself clear, huh? Theo, my boyfriend, is very important to me. Never have I known or met someone I could be so comfortable around, or someone who knew me inside and out. He understands my actions sometimes when even I can't understand them, and he really is my emotional support; an anchor, of sorts. Our relationship is definitely serious, and we have met in person twice now. The first visit was when he came to tour the United States last summer (did I mention he lives in England?). This wasn't a lie, since he had planned to before even meeting me, and when I spoke to my mother about it, she grudgingly allowed him to visit me for a week. It probably helped that he was visiting another of our mutual friends. My father learned later on and was less than pleased, but there was nothing he could do about it. Coincidentally, he was also gone when Theo actually came to visit. The visit was wonderful; I've always been one who could only take so much of another person's presence. I had never been able to spend time with any one person for a prolonged amount of time, prolonged being more than a few hours for me, but having him around for a week was simply wonderful. My mother seemed to like him, as did my grandmother, and he got along with my brother (through insults!). Then he had to continue on the rest of his trip. I was going to start college the next school year, and a few weeks prior, I told my mother about having feelings for him and being a relationship with him (in tears. I can't say I'm very good at expressing myself or being judged by someone close to me). She seemed to understand, telling me that it was normal, but that I should "keep it as friends". Pffft. That had already been blown out of the water ages ago, but I agreed with her. I had made a big step forwards telling my mother, and I had no plans on telling her that we did anything but just talk. And I had basically told her we were in a relationship.

Now, the second visit ended yesterday. That was difficult. Very difficult. Again, I had discussed it with my mother, gotten it approved (grudgingly), and later told my father outright that he was going to visit me, to which my father said nothing to (he discussed it later with my mother). This visit took place during college. Before hand, my parents kept stressing on the importance of "keeping it as friends", and my father seemed to become increasingly frustrated over the whole issue. It wasn't very nice; apparently if I did anything but be friends, they would pull me out of college and bring me back home. I agreed with them, saying I would behave, and that they needed to trust me. I'd like to believe that the threat is an empty one, and whenever they bring it up, my response is usually "Right, right. Of course." I've never been a difficult child, and I rarely ask for anything, which is why I think he was allowed to come. My father also spoke to Theo when he had arrived, and that went decently enough, I think. But apparently, having him over was incredibly stressful for them.

I wish they would calm down. I'm eighteen now, and I appreciate that they want to still watch over me and make sure I don't end up in a rut like them, but I think there's a limit. They've both told me that he's never allowed to visit again, which crushes my wants to go visit him too. If I bring up my age, they say that most people don't realize that my age is where parents need to tighten up and watch over their children more due to "raging hormones" etc. After all, I don't want to end up in a "loony bin" like most of the people from my town. Or so they say. But they're really being overprotective. They worry that he's going to take advantage of me, or that I'm going to go have copious amounts of sex with him, or me being in a relationship in general. My father tells me that I shouldn't "do anything with him for the sake of it", which isn't the case at all. I really do love Theo, and never have I been so close to a person. Not even a quarter as close. He's seen every single side there is to see of me, and is willing to wait it out with me when it comes to my parents. Even though we're both willing, it still puts a lot of strain. The thought that this might have been the last time we see each other for a few years is horrible and absolutely depressing.

Today, when speaking to my mom, who once again stated that he wasn't allowed to visit, I got a little angry, telling her that such a rule was "absolute crap" and that she couldn't completely stop him from visiting me, to which she asked me to redefine our "relationship" again. Aka, is there anything "physical or emotional" going on. Again, the "threat" of being sent back home was there. She had even mentioned it beforehand, stating that my dad would pull me out. So obviously, I had to tell her no, to which she wanted me to detail it again. I simply told her what I had before. He's my best friend; closest confidant. Etc. Etc. She already knows we like each other. I told her this ages ago, but it almost seems like she'll stay in denial about it. Even though it should be obvious. Even though I've basically told her the nature of our relationship. What I said wasn't a lie, in any case. She didn't really respond to me, getting preoccupied with work, and told me she'd talk to me later, to which I let her know that it was useless talking to her about such subjects. I never had been comfortable talking about particularly embarrassing things with her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and we have the best relationship after Theo, though you can't really compare the two or order them since one is maternal whilst the other is, well, romantic. My relationship with my dad that great, but that's due to his easy to anger and generally distant nature. In any case, she suddenly stopped, telling me that I couldn't not talk to her and that she would try to listen properly; that I should call her back when she's less busy, and she would listen without inserting her own opinions. But what do I say now? It feels like a pretty dead end situation with my parent's mentality, and I honestly don't know what to do. The only option I have so far is to try and study abroad next summer—in England, of course—but even that may be difficult. I've typed a lot, and basically given an overview of my situation, but well. The question I have in the end is just. What do I do? I honestly have no clue. It's incredibly stressful, and any sort of help would be so appreciated. Just. Thank you for reading this, haha.

First: Welcome to Animesuki
Second: long read, but a decent one

If your planning to move abroad I would try to figure out every angle to support myself. Maybe win some scholarships if your that great of a student. Sometimes state colleges or maybe UC colleges have decent programs to study abroad.

Hopefully, your parents would lighten up over time. When you say your parents are traditionally do they know how to use the internet?

Also try to figure out your parents real concerns about having a boyfriend. Would they be okay if you had an Indian boyfriend? Just my 2 cents in a short notice.

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

You're a legal adult. Tell them to mind their own fucking business. I have precisely zero patience for parents who want to control their kids like puppets, especially after they become adults.

Some folks just can't imagine the inevitable fact that kids grow up, meet someone, fall in love, have sex, make babies and have a family of their own.

I have to agree with Prodigy. It does not matter what age you are if you don't follow your parents advise they can k*ll you. It happens in Asian societies too. In the US, people think your a real adult when you hit the magic age 18, but in reality how many can actually think reasonably.

[synaesthetic]

Yeah, my parents literally tried to kill me. Now I don't talk to them, don't associate with them, don't see them and would rather that they disappeared forever.

It must be hard to go against your parents if you love them. I hate mine and want them to die, so it's easy for me to automatically reject anything they say or do.

Since, you know, I'm not really in the habit of listening to child abusers and attempted murderers and all.