AnimeSuki Forums

Ledgem · 2012-08-23, 19:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by csuree

about statistics i have the opinion that it is meant to those who actually will use them...
as for us more or less normal people, it is only a hindrance which actually causes you to make mistakes.

A hindrance? Causes people to make mistakes? How so?

Quote:

Originally Posted by csuree

i accept that above a certain age there is a real chance that you get more birth defects but actually that is influenced by so many factors ..... and anyway if someone lives in a less stressful, and cleaner environment they push that borderline further. and anyhow those birth defect are more or less caused by things like mutations, diseases, chemical poisoning, etc....and all these affect our body on DNA level.

You're correct, but it's worth noting that the mutations (which occur naturally and are furthered by toxic exposure and diseases) accumulate over time. This is the biological explanation for why the risk of birth defects increases with the age of the parents. While the focus has largely been on women thus far, present research indicates that men aren't immune, either - although the birth defects resulting from an older father aren't quite as striking or readily apparent as with an older mother.

Quote:

Originally Posted by csuree

and if it were to statistics.....i wouldn't even live..... when i was born my mother had a very long and difficult labor, around 20 hours, and the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck.now imagine that 24 years ago in an underdeveloped east-european country my chances of survival were less than 5%. But i'm here.

You're here because the percentage was 5% or less, but not zero. What the statistics mean is that 95% of others like you didn't make it. That doesn't mean anything about statistics, it just means you were lucky.

Kimidori · 2012-08-25, 04:54

about birth defect risk, my mother gave birth to me in her late 30s and i did have birth defect (it inguinal hernia and i needed a hernia repair surgery)

zebra · 2012-08-25, 06:38

Regarding statistics:
The sexual height of a female is at 30, that of a male is 20.
*flies away*

.
.
.
*comes back*

I undersand why you guys keep on bringing up these statistics and it will matter once one starts on planning to have children - but doing it in reverse and planning children based on statistics alone would a bad idea though.
Funnily enough, everyone agrees: Mutations matter. It's a personal decision.
But you stand on an opposite angles.

Rationality is all fine, but love isn't something rational. It's like saying a guy has to find a girlfriend until he's 25 or the best years of his sexuality will be wasted. No matter the circumstances.

It's blunt and insensitive, nothing else.
So I totally understand Tigress' reaction :P
Women have a very emotional relationship to their sexuality and uterus, please don't forget that.

@regarding porn,
an effect of the easy access to porn, you can notice in the western world as well is the mimicking of porn.
I don'tmean like "oh let's try that position", I mean that many teens that examined a lot of pornos before they gathered their own experiences aren't able to explore their sexuality naturally. They don't want to do something wrong and the pros gotta know what they're doing, right?
Wrong. They might be good at porn, but sex isn't porn. You don't do a, b and c and then you're done. It's all about enjoying one another and oneself. Exploring what your partner likes and what you like.
Porn changed the perception of many, which isn't always a good thing.

I personally believe the problem with Japan is a society problem. The amount of porn seems to fill a void and is a sympton not a cause imo.
Look at the USA for example: most prominent for being prude and christian and yet #1 in producing porn worldwide.

There will always be porn, humans masturbate and it's only natural. Porn is a comfortable way to satisfy your needs, but it's not a substitute for real realtionships and real sex. Fantasy and reality aren't the same thing.

Another thing:
I find the subculture of being obsessed (!) with 2D women or having realtionships with puppets (only saw it in TV a few days ago), quite alarming.
You don't get anything back. It seems like one just wants a substitute for comfort that isn't able to talk back or hurt oneself. It's all a-okay if it' just fun and games - there are as many fetishes as there are humans after all-, but if it becomes an unnaturel obsession I'd look for a therapist if it were me. Just in case

(I only flew over the last pages with my eyes sorry if I missed anything important)

Ledgem · 2012-08-25, 13:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebra

I undersand why you guys keep on bringing up these statistics and it will matter once one starts on planning to have children - but doing it in reverse and planning children based on statistics alone would a bad idea though.
Funnily enough, everyone agrees: Mutations matter. It's a personal decision.
But you stand on an opposite angles.

From what I've seen and have written, nobody is arguing that statistics should come first or dictate how a person lives their life. What I have been arguing against is this apparent desire to completely disregard the statistical data that is available.

Quote:

Originally Posted by zebra

@regarding porn,
an effect of the easy access to porn, you can notice in the western world as well is the mimicking of porn.
I don'tmean like "oh let's try that position", I mean that many teens that examined a lot of pornos before they gathered their own experiences aren't able to explore their sexuality naturally. They don't want to do something wrong and the pros gotta know what they're doing, right?
Wrong. They might be good at porn, but sex isn't porn. You don't do a, b and c and then you're done. It's all about enjoying one another and oneself. Exploring what your partner likes and what you like.
Porn changed the perception of many, which isn't always a good thing.

I don't know that this is a fair statement to make. Views on sex in general have been changing within society, and I wouldn't put it all (or even mostly) on porn. One indicator of this is in love songs. Compare songs from the 1960's through around the 1980's to songs from the 1990's, and then to songs from the 2000's. Sex was featured in some of those older songs, but it featured prominently among other forms of romancing and love. Songs like those still exist today (I think, anyway), but the sex featured in modern lyrics is much more blatant and crude.

Tigress · 2012-08-28, 21:37

Well when people keep shoving statistics in someones face, what are we supposed to think. Its pretty easy for men to come along and push that stuff onto women but this is our lives we are discussing.

A very close friend of mine got dumped by her fiance a few months back because he found someone else. She is 28. I wont say too much about that because she is an anime fan too. Never know who is reading. Should she now worry about statistics or worry about the state of her mental health? She doesnt think she can ever love or trust anyone again but time will heal. Time. She has time. I am lucky to have such a wonderful friend and she deserves better anyway. I find it annoying is all that we are baby making machines that must perform asap.

I dont dislike you either Ledgem. ^.^ I just cant accept someone telling me that I must regard statistics that at the end of the day matter little to how my life is going to work out. I could meet someone next month that will eventually be my husband but thats not the point.

Are you going to tell a 28-35 year old woman that may be reading this that her biological clock is ticking and she better have had babies already or be in a relationship where babies will be made? Can you see how condescending that is?

Ascaloth · 2012-08-28, 22:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigress

I dont dislike you either Ledgem. ^.^ I just cant accept someone telling me that I must regard statistics that at the end of the day matter little to how my life is going to work out. I could meet someone next month that will eventually be my husband but thats not the point.

Are you going to tell a 28-35 year old woman that may be reading this that her biological clock is ticking and she better have had babies already or be in a relationship where babies will be made? Can you see how condescending that is?

I don't think that's what Ledgem is arguing, frankly. I'm pretty sure he's just saying that the statistics should not be totally disregarded when considering options.

That's the way scientists like him are; they're so focused on the data, they tend not to be the most politic of people. Don't blame him for it.

LeoXiao · 2012-08-28, 22:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigress

Are you going to tell a 28-35 year old woman that may be reading this that her biological clock is ticking and she better have had babies already or be in a relationship where babies will be made? Can you see how condescending that is?

Well, yeah, if you want to have kids it's probably a better idea to have them earlier. Of course there are exceptions but generally it's good to take these sorts of things into consideration. Also it's a little weird to have a really old mom; the next generation's children may very well end up without knowing their grandparents.

Ledgem · 2012-08-28, 22:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

That's the way scientists like him are; they're so focused on the data, they tend not to be the most politic of people. Don't blame him for it.

Um, thanks... I think... :\

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigress

Well when people keep shoving statistics in someones face, what are we supposed to think. Its pretty easy for men to come along and push that stuff onto women but this is our lives we are discussing.

The statistics apply to men, too. The numbers are just the numbers that indicate trends; they don't dictate anything. I apologize if you felt that I was using them to try and dictate anything about your life; I don't think that I wrote anything like that, and if you interpreted anything that I wrote as such, please realize that it wasn't the intent.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's situation, by the way - that must be very difficult. I hope she'll still be able to place trust in future relationships.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tigress

Are you going to tell a 28-35 year old woman that may be reading this that her biological clock is ticking and she better have had babies already or be in a relationship where babies will be made? Can you see how condescending that is?

Why would I tell a woman of any age anything like that?

If anyone ever comes to me and says "doctor, I'm 35 and I'm trying to get pregnant... what should I know?" then of course they're going to hear that they're at an age where they're at greater risk for birth defects and birthing complications. I'm fairly certain that I would be sued to hell and back ten times (God Bless America and our court systems) if I didn't provide that information, and then someone who consulted me went and experienced problems with the pregnancy, birth, or their child.

Does it mean that they shouldn't have a child? No, of course not. It simply means that they should take extra precautions while pregnant, ensure that they're taking all of the necessary vitamins, and probably go for more ultrasounds and diagnostic tests than a younger woman might need to in order to ensure that the baby is OK. (Those are my guesses; I'm sure there are standard protools for this, but if I have my way, I won't end up in OB/GYN and won't have to make this a part of my every-day life.) That is how you use statistics - to make informed decisions for the best possible outcome. If a person wants to live their life by the numbers, that's their choice; but the numbers themselves don't ask or mandate that anyone does so.

DonQuigleone · 2012-08-29, 05:08

Something else to bear in mind, we're not saying you have to get out there making babies right now, as your times running out.

What we're saying is that you don't have forever. Ultimately, we all grow old and die. If we put certain things off for too long, we may be too old to do them any more.

If you wish to have kids eventually (and you may or may not), you should keep in mind that you don't have forever. A lot of other people think they have forever to do these things, and then they wake up and try do it and realise that they waited too long.

This applies to everything actually, not just "baby-making". We're all going to die eventually, don't settle into a place you don't want to be. If you want to do something, you have to reach for it now. Not keep putting it off indefinitely.

If you want to live a year in an asia, start planning for it, look for the job openings, and save your money. If you want to be a rock star start practising your guitar and get some gigs at dive bars. If you want to be a great entrepreneur, write down your ideas and save up seed money.

And, if you want to start a family, start dating while thinking "do I want to raise children with guy?"

It depends on your priorities of course. Myself, I want to do other things before I start a family (for me living in Asia for a while particularly). You may be the same. Or you may not be.

The time we have on this earth is limited.

Tigress · 2012-08-29, 06:53

Well at least now we are getting somewhere. ^.^ It was the tone of earlier posts from both you guys that put me in that mindframe and made me mad. I am a person that cares about people and maybe in saying what I said I was looking for ways to make my friend feel better. No one was dictating anything in my real life but things happen that make you think. What if that happens? What if one day I end up in her situation spending several years with someone expecting that we will be together for ever. They talked about marriage and family. They had their life planned then he suddenly ran off with some other girl. Not everything is black and white. And thanks I hope that she comes out of it too soon. I cant even get her to come out with my other girlfriends for a girls night out with no boys. I told her that she is time enough dating again and to take her time but she must find a way to be happy again with herself. It is frustrating when you cant do anything but speak empty words.

I know we dont have forver and it would be stupid to think so. Leo, thats not old or weird in my opinion. I guess us UK people have different standards for what is weird, not weird because I know more married couples who married in their late 20's up than younger ones. Late 30's and 40s is old. My grandmother had her children when she was 32 and 38 by the time she had her last one and she is in her 70's now and still very much alive and kicking. (not ignoring stats. just saying ^.^) I may have her age wrong when I said 74 but I know she is no more than 78. She may not see great grandchildren but that is not a priority for me or for her. Life is unpredicable and who knows what will happen.

Targus · 2012-08-29, 07:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ledgem

The statistics apply to men, too. The numbers are just the numbers that indicate trends; they don't dictate anything. I apologize if you felt that I was using them to try and dictate anything about your life; I don't think that I wrote anything like that, and if you interpreted anything that I wrote as such, please realize that it wasn't the intent.

But stats only say so much about anything, and they're proven fallible especially if sample sizes aren't big enough to represent the whole population. And don't forget weightings. Those are really important. Stats can be used to formulate a general opinion, but they're not an absolute.

Oh, and stats say nothing about love :S

@ Tigress: I hope your friend will get better. As you say, that guy was a douche and she deserves better. I'm guessing they were getting along well? Hopefully she'll be able to meet someone who is honest in time.

GDB · 2012-08-29, 08:01

Some of you are horribly twisting Ledgem's words here. The basic statement, since it's flying over some heads, is "The sooner the better" for having kids. Does that mean you can't later? No, it merely means that there are more risks to consider if you do. Does it mean you should rush in now? No. Does it mean you should start considering it now? Again, no. It merely means exactly what it says. There are less health risks with younger parents, that's all.

Targus · 2012-08-29, 08:03

Seems legit. All I'm saying is don't rely only on statistics too much.

NoemiChan · 2012-08-29, 09:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by GDB

Some of you are horribly twisting Ledgem's words here. The basic statement, since it's flying over some heads, is "The sooner the better" for having kids. Does that mean you can't later? No, it merely means that there are more risks to consider if you do. Does it mean you should rush in now? No. Does it mean you should start considering it now? Again, no. It merely means exactly what it says. There are less health risks with younger parents, that's all.

I like your thinking. Actually in my situation (single since birth, huhuhu), though many of my friends in highschool has kids now... I don't feel being behind... I feel lucky instead coz I still have time to enjoy myself... getting married and having kids could wait.. what matters is "Are you stable to have one and support a family?"

That's why I worked hard to make myself stable financially so I will not face problems that most couples faced after rushing things up!!

SaintessHeart · 2012-08-29, 09:16

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenjiChan

I like your thinking. Actually in my situation (single since birth, huhuhu), though many of my friends in highschool has kids now... I don't feel being behind... I feel lucky instead coz I still have time to enjoy myself... getting married and having kids could wait.. what matters is "Are you stable to have one and support a family?"

That's why I worked hard to make myself stable financially so I will not face problems that most couples faced after rushing things up!!

I got sick of trying to chase girls when I realise that there isn't much of a point; dating girls is like trading the futures market - what isn't yours ISN'T yours, don't even THINK of trying something funny.

Ailmony isn't a joke. Neither is losing tons of cash to leverage. Both can make you bankrupt.

csuree · 2012-09-01, 05:13

oi oi..... wait up a minute.....you all blabber about (sometimes) useless things but take 1 thing in consideration....

it is 1 thing to have more chances of complications when you are older and having a pregnancy... but rushing in to make children while you yourself are pretty much a child too is something i do not approve of. i am not trying to say that at 24 you are a child or something but think that if you have a child at a young age when you hardly experienced life, will only bring unnecessary burdens to you and to the child too....

think of it this way.... you are still in college and you have a GF/BF and you hardly finish it and get married and 9 months later a kid comes.....
first today's job market is so unstable that you easily can become unemployed overnight and it is very hard to find a job nowadays, so would you risk having a child under these circumstances.....i think no.....
i am speaking of my own opinion... even though i have the necessary means to maintain a family if i got married and had kids now.. i still not think that i can give the best of things to my children if they were born next year (this is theoretical). that is why i try to make a more stable environment where i can raise a child without taking any risks.

and anyway think about the fact that the majority of people who are 18-25 are living so carefree these days that i still don't think they have the suitable skill to raise a kid....
honestly do you want a healthy kid in body but who has to spare every moment in his/her life just because his/her parents were hurrying to make a child or to make a stable envoronment where you can give all the necessary thing to the child, but you have to risk a slightly bigger chance for a birth complication. (there are many women in their early 20's who have kids with birth defects)
and i also think that 30-35 for a woman is not exxageratingly late to make a child but after 35-37 comes the real problem, and theoretically if a girl finishes college she 21-22-max 23 until she is 30 she has like 9-7 years to make a stable living for herself and not risk any complications bearing a child, so i think with this we might as well call this case CLOSED. END of discussion.

any other topic?... i am hungry for something good, and also sorry but i have been busy and sick lately so i haven't had the chance to check up on all of you but since i saw this topic of kids dragged on for two weeks already i thought this should be over with....it generates unnecessary tension.....
this should be a dating thread, about dating and relationships not a "raising kids early or late" thread

thanks for your consideration

kisses to all the girls, virtual handshake to the guys.
I'M BACK.

solidguy · 2012-09-08, 00:26

Need some advice on what my fellow animesukians would do. I have this friend at university who i've known for around a year now. After getting to know her I sorta developed feelings for her and so I made a move. Shes never had a bf and so is really shy when it comes to relationship stuff so I took my time with her. I asked her out 2 months ago and we became closer and closer. We would see each other everyday yet we never really past 1st base (physical affection). After a week or two she told me that she wasn't sure what she felt. She knew she liked me but didn't know if she liked me for me or simply because she found someone who liked her (I don't understand girls). Yet she left it at that, not really accepting me or rejecting me.

After a week of awkwardness I decided enough was enough and poured my soul out to her (rookie mistake). I told her I've never felt this way about anyone blah blah blah but also that i'll be perfectly fine if she rejected me as I had a feeling that she was only pity liking me. She ended up crying in my car for an hour not looking up from her arms before we finally spoke. Yet she ended up joking about random things without rejecting or accepting me...sigh...

We just had uni break and after not speaking to her for a week we saw each other at a friends gathering. She still speaks and acts towards me in that -more than friends, but less than romance- manner and it drives me batshit. I've already prepared myself for being inducted into the dreaded friend zone but the way she acts towards me honestly builds me up time and time again. I know that confronting her about it will be bad because she enjoys 'the simple things in life' and doesn't like too much drama...go figure. Most of my friends tell me to give up on her but I can't let her go if I feel somewhere inside of her she shares the same feelings.
So there's my cool story. Now throw a brother a bone please. Any advice will be noted and appreciated

csuree · 2012-09-08, 04:43

now i don't want to break your spirit... but this situation looks like you are getting friend-zoned., and she thinks about going romantic or to go back being just friends....
At this point you really have almost no say in the matter....she will decide mostly based on your past actions....if you want to be romantic with her... i suggest going out a few times get real physical with her.. to the point you can almost "lay" her (third base), but restrain yourself at the last point and get playful.. tickle her and such games(no fourth base)... but don't sleep with her YET...teasing her is a great way to make her addicted to you.

this should help her "decide" to go for the romantic route... and by being playful and stopping when you have to , you earn both her respect and her curiosity(because girls are hungry for excitement and mystery - why did you not go all the way? this will be her question)

i hope my advice can help you in the matter and you should hurry it up a bit cause girls are sometimes unpredictable....

Get real romantic and physical but hold back too and she will come back to you like a moth to the flame...

Learn from my mistakes.. i said to myself that ok i will be friends with a girl and then get closer.....it is the other way around... go for it like it is the only chance....

another thing by the way you described the situation there is still hope......so the first thing you do when reading this.. call her talk to her and casually arrange a date ASAP. you need to make your intentions clear to her....now she is thinking about how serious you might be.. so show her what she wants....this is a so called shit-test.....if you do nothing or let yourself get friendzoned you fail and never be able to get romantic again....only if a great trauma "hits" her and you are there but this is unlikely...

so i hope the best for you....

solidguy · 2012-09-08, 05:20

Thanks for your reply, appreciate it. I don't really mind getting friend zoned if thats what she sees me as. I mean we were friends before this happened so meh. What would kill me if she ended up being the one that got away... I kinda noticed your idea of teasing works. She is a jealous person so maybe show her that she isn't the be all end all of me by flirting with other girls? I know this is a fine line between showing her you're not a total man slut and keeping her on her toes so maybe I just need to find this balance? I've reached the point where I'm the reacher in the relationship and she's the settler. Some other advice i've gotten was to let her go and if she comes back then she's keen...

This shit is complicated

monsta666 · 2012-09-08, 06:24

First of all we have to understand that we cannot force or make people show romantic interest in you. Now I am not saying you are forcing the issue, or even that you are being too aggressive, I just want you to be aware that on many occasions there is no way of making her like you. That decision ultimately belongs to her.

I think two months is enough time for a girl to know if there is a potential for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. If she remains undecided about her feelings after two months then quite likely she does not have feelings for you. I would also say that explaining your feelings was the right thing to do and was not a rookie mistake. Perhaps you can question the manner of the execution but the act itself was a good one. In the future if you are ever in a position you do need to make a move the only question is how but really saying something, anything is better than nothing because at least you can hold your hand and say you tried. I mean if you did nothing then your thoughts about the one that got away will be stronger which is something you want to avoid. If you tried and failed at least you could say it did not work out but not through lack of trying.

As for what to do, from the tone of your posts it seems you really do want to make this work so I suppose my advice would be to take things slowly and perhaps bring up the topic in a light-hearted manner and try your best not to place too much pressure on her giving the answer you want, suggest that it is okay to say no if she is lacking in confidence to be upfront (from the sound of things she does sound rather nervous of the whole thing so hold her so to speak to be honest with herself). From the sound of things however I think it is a bit of long shot and you should not have high hopes on a favourable outcome upon asking her. Ironically those low expectations could work on your favour as you will be less nervous as you are expecting less from her. If she says anything other than a firm yes then I would move on or at the very very least abandon any hope of having a romantic relationship with one her.

2012-08-25, 04:54	Link #10702
Kimidori The Opened Ultimate Gate Join Date: Dec 2011 Age: 29	about birth defect risk, my mother gave birth to me in her late 30s and i did have birth defect (it inguinal hernia and i needed a hernia repair surgery) __________________

2012-08-25, 06:38	Link #10703
zebra ❙❙❙❙❙❙❙❥ Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: in the wild	Late for the party :)' Regarding statistics: The sexual height of a female is at 30, that of a male is 20. flies away . . . comes back I undersand why you guys keep on bringing up these statistics and it will matter once one starts on planning to have children - but doing it in reverse and planning children based on statistics alone would a bad idea though. Funnily enough, everyone agrees: Mutations matter. It's a personal decision. But you stand on an opposite angles. Rationality is all fine, but love isn't something rational. It's like saying a guy has to find a girlfriend until he's 25 or the best years of his sexuality will be wasted. No matter the circumstances. It's blunt and insensitive, nothing else. So I totally understand Tigress' reaction :P Women have a very emotional relationship to their sexuality and uterus, please don't forget that. @regarding porn, an effect of the easy access to porn, you can notice in the western world as well is the mimicking of porn. I don'tmean like "oh let's try that position", I mean that many teens that examined a lot of pornos before they gathered their own experiences aren't able to explore their sexuality naturally. They don't want to do something wrong and the pros gotta know what they're doing, right? Wrong. They might be good at porn, but sex isn't porn. You don't do a, b and c and then you're done. It's all about enjoying one another and oneself. Exploring what your partner likes and what you like. Porn changed the perception of many, which isn't always a good thing. I personally believe the problem with Japan is a society problem. The amount of porn seems to fill a void and is a sympton not a cause imo. Look at the USA for example: most prominent for being prude and christian and yet #1 in producing porn worldwide. There will always be porn, humans masturbate and it's only natural. Porn is a comfortable way to satisfy your needs, but it's not a substitute for real realtionships and real sex. Fantasy and reality aren't the same thing. Another thing: I find the subculture of being obsessed (!) with 2D women or having realtionships with puppets (only saw it in TV a few days ago), quite alarming. You don't get anything back. It seems like one just wants a substitute for comfort that isn't able to talk back or hurt oneself. It's all a-okay if it' just fun and games - there are as many fetishes as there are humans after all-, but if it becomes an unnaturel obsession I'd look for a therapist if it were me. Just in case (I only flew over the last pages with my eyes sorry if I missed anything important)

2012-09-01, 05:13	Link #10716
csuree The Most Hated™ Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: A random coordinate on the space-time continuum Age: 36	oi oi..... wait up a minute.....you all blabber about (sometimes) useless things but take 1 thing in consideration.... it is 1 thing to have more chances of complications when you are older and having a pregnancy... but rushing in to make children while you yourself are pretty much a child too is something i do not approve of. i am not trying to say that at 24 you are a child or something but think that if you have a child at a young age when you hardly experienced life, will only bring unnecessary burdens to you and to the child too.... think of it this way.... you are still in college and you have a GF/BF and you hardly finish it and get married and 9 months later a kid comes..... first today's job market is so unstable that you easily can become unemployed overnight and it is very hard to find a job nowadays, so would you risk having a child under these circumstances.....i think no..... i am speaking of my own opinion... even though i have the necessary means to maintain a family if i got married and had kids now.. i still not think that i can give the best of things to my children if they were born next year (this is theoretical). that is why i try to make a more stable environment where i can raise a child without taking any risks. and anyway think about the fact that the majority of people who are 18-25 are living so carefree these days that i still don't think they have the suitable skill to raise a kid.... honestly do you want a healthy kid in body but who has to spare every moment in his/her life just because his/her parents were hurrying to make a child or to make a stable envoronment where you can give all the necessary thing to the child, but you have to risk a slightly bigger chance for a birth complication. (there are many women in their early 20's who have kids with birth defects) and i also think that 30-35 for a woman is not exxageratingly late to make a child but after 35-37 comes the real problem, and theoretically if a girl finishes college she 21-22-max 23 until she is 30 she has like 9-7 years to make a stable living for herself and not risk any complications bearing a child, so i think with this we might as well call this case CLOSED. END of discussion. any other topic?... i am hungry for something good, and also sorry but i have been busy and sick lately so i haven't had the chance to check up on all of you but since i saw this topic of kids dragged on for two weeks already i thought this should be over with....it generates unnecessary tension..... this should be a dating thread, about dating and relationships not a "raising kids early or late" thread thanks for your consideration kisses to all the girls, virtual handshake to the guys. I'M BACK. __________________ Go for your dreams, never give up.Because when you give up your dreams, you die!

2012-09-08, 04:43	Link #10718
csuree The Most Hated™ Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: A random coordinate on the space-time continuum Age: 36	now i don't want to break your spirit... but this situation looks like you are getting friend-zoned., and she thinks about going romantic or to go back being just friends.... At this point you really have almost no say in the matter....she will decide mostly based on your past actions....if you want to be romantic with her... i suggest going out a few times get real physical with her.. to the point you can almost "lay" her (third base), but restrain yourself at the last point and get playful.. tickle her and such games(no fourth base)... but don't sleep with her YET...teasing her is a great way to make her addicted to you. this should help her "decide" to go for the romantic route... and by being playful and stopping when you have to , you earn both her respect and her curiosity(because girls are hungry for excitement and mystery - why did you not go all the way? this will be her question) i hope my advice can help you in the matter and you should hurry it up a bit cause girls are sometimes unpredictable.... Get real romantic and physical but hold back too and she will come back to you like a moth to the flame... Learn from my mistakes.. i said to myself that ok i will be friends with a girl and then get closer.....it is the other way around... go for it like it is the only chance.... another thing by the way you described the situation there is still hope......so the first thing you do when reading this.. call her talk to her and casually arrange a date ASAP. you need to make your intentions clear to her....now she is thinking about how serious you might be.. so show her what she wants....this is a so called shit-test.....if you do nothing or let yourself get friendzoned you fail and never be able to get romantic again....only if a great trauma "hits" her and you are there but this is unlikely... so i hope the best for you.... __________________ Go for your dreams, never give up.Because when you give up your dreams, you die! Last edited by csuree; 2012-09-08 at 04:53.

2012-08-28, 21:37	Link #10705
Tigress Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: The Abyss Age: 34	Well when people keep shoving statistics in someones face, what are we supposed to think. Its pretty easy for men to come along and push that stuff onto women but this is our lives we are discussing. A very close friend of mine got dumped by her fiance a few months back because he found someone else. She is 28. I wont say too much about that because she is an anime fan too. Never know who is reading. Should she now worry about statistics or worry about the state of her mental health? She doesnt think she can ever love or trust anyone again but time will heal. Time. She has time. I am lucky to have such a wonderful friend and she deserves better anyway. I find it annoying is all that we are baby making machines that must perform asap. I dont dislike you either Ledgem. ^.^ I just cant accept someone telling me that I must regard statistics that at the end of the day matter little to how my life is going to work out. I could meet someone next month that will eventually be my husband but thats not the point. Are you going to tell a 28-35 year old woman that may be reading this that her biological clock is ticking and she better have had babies already or be in a relationship where babies will be made? Can you see how condescending that is?

2012-08-29, 05:08	Link #10709
DonQuigleone Knight Errant Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Dublin, Ireland Age: 35	Something else to bear in mind, we're not saying you have to get out there making babies right now, as your times running out. What we're saying is that you don't have forever. Ultimately, we all grow old and die. If we put certain things off for too long, we may be too old to do them any more. If you wish to have kids eventually (and you may or may not), you should keep in mind that you don't have forever. A lot of other people think they have forever to do these things, and then they wake up and try do it and realise that they waited too long. This applies to everything actually, not just "baby-making". We're all going to die eventually, don't settle into a place you don't want to be. If you want to do something, you have to reach for it now. Not keep putting it off indefinitely. If you want to live a year in an asia, start planning for it, look for the job openings, and save your money. If you want to be a rock star start practising your guitar and get some gigs at dive bars. If you want to be a great entrepreneur, write down your ideas and save up seed money. And, if you want to start a family, start dating while thinking "do I want to raise children with guy?" It depends on your priorities of course. Myself, I want to do other things before I start a family (for me living in Asia for a while particularly). You may be the same. Or you may not be. The time we have on this earth is limited.

2012-08-29, 06:53	Link #10710
Tigress Member Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: The Abyss Age: 34	Well at least now we are getting somewhere. ^.^ It was the tone of earlier posts from both you guys that put me in that mindframe and made me mad. I am a person that cares about people and maybe in saying what I said I was looking for ways to make my friend feel better. No one was dictating anything in my real life but things happen that make you think. What if that happens? What if one day I end up in her situation spending several years with someone expecting that we will be together for ever. They talked about marriage and family. They had their life planned then he suddenly ran off with some other girl. Not everything is black and white. And thanks I hope that she comes out of it too soon. I cant even get her to come out with my other girlfriends for a girls night out with no boys. I told her that she is time enough dating again and to take her time but she must find a way to be happy again with herself. It is frustrating when you cant do anything but speak empty words. I know we dont have forver and it would be stupid to think so. Leo, thats not old or weird in my opinion. I guess us UK people have different standards for what is weird, not weird because I know more married couples who married in their late 20's up than younger ones. Late 30's and 40s is old. My grandmother had her children when she was 32 and 38 by the time she had her last one and she is in her 70's now and still very much alive and kicking. (not ignoring stats. just saying ^.^) I may have her age wrong when I said 74 but I know she is no more than 78. She may not see great grandchildren but that is not a priority for me or for her. Life is unpredicable and who knows what will happen.

2012-08-29, 08:01	Link #10712
GDB Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Age: 38	Some of you are horribly twisting Ledgem's words here. The basic statement, since it's flying over some heads, is "The sooner the better" for having kids. Does that mean you can't later? No, it merely means that there are more risks to consider if you do. Does it mean you should rush in now? No. Does it mean you should start considering it now? Again, no. It merely means exactly what it says. There are less health risks with younger parents, that's all.

2012-08-29, 08:03	Link #10713
Targus The Happy Camper Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Avatar by GenjiChan	Seems legit. All I'm saying is don't rely only on statistics too much.

2012-09-08, 00:26	Link #10717
solidguy I'm not a tumor Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: In the dreams of beautiful women Age: 31	Need some advice on what my fellow animesukians would do. I have this friend at university who i've known for around a year now. After getting to know her I sorta developed feelings for her and so I made a move. Shes never had a bf and so is really shy when it comes to relationship stuff so I took my time with her. I asked her out 2 months ago and we became closer and closer. We would see each other everyday yet we never really past 1st base (physical affection). After a week or two she told me that she wasn't sure what she felt. She knew she liked me but didn't know if she liked me for me or simply because she found someone who liked her (I don't understand girls). Yet she left it at that, not really accepting me or rejecting me. After a week of awkwardness I decided enough was enough and poured my soul out to her (rookie mistake). I told her I've never felt this way about anyone blah blah blah but also that i'll be perfectly fine if she rejected me as I had a feeling that she was only pity liking me. She ended up crying in my car for an hour not looking up from her arms before we finally spoke. Yet she ended up joking about random things without rejecting or accepting me...sigh... We just had uni break and after not speaking to her for a week we saw each other at a friends gathering. She still speaks and acts towards me in that -more than friends, but less than romance- manner and it drives me batshit. I've already prepared myself for being inducted into the dreaded friend zone but the way she acts towards me honestly builds me up time and time again. I know that confronting her about it will be bad because she enjoys 'the simple things in life' and doesn't like too much drama...go figure. Most of my friends tell me to give up on her but I can't let her go if I feel somewhere inside of her she shares the same feelings. So there's my cool story. Now throw a brother a bone please. Any advice will be noted and appreciated

2012-09-08, 05:20	Link #10719
solidguy I'm not a tumor Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: In the dreams of beautiful women Age: 31	Thanks for your reply, appreciate it. I don't really mind getting friend zoned if thats what she sees me as. I mean we were friends before this happened so meh. What would kill me if she ended up being the one that got away... I kinda noticed your idea of teasing works. She is a jealous person so maybe show her that she isn't the be all end all of me by flirting with other girls? I know this is a fine line between showing her you're not a total man slut and keeping her on her toes so maybe I just need to find this balance? I've reached the point where I'm the reacher in the relationship and she's the settler. Some other advice i've gotten was to let her go and if she comes back then she's keen... This shit is complicated

2012-09-08, 06:24	Link #10720
monsta666 Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: London, England Age: 37	First of all we have to understand that we cannot force or make people show romantic interest in you. Now I am not saying you are forcing the issue, or even that you are being too aggressive, I just want you to be aware that on many occasions there is no way of making her like you. That decision ultimately belongs to her. I think two months is enough time for a girl to know if there is a potential for a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. If she remains undecided about her feelings after two months then quite likely she does not have feelings for you. I would also say that explaining your feelings was the right thing to do and was not a rookie mistake. Perhaps you can question the manner of the execution but the act itself was a good one. In the future if you are ever in a position you do need to make a move the only question is how but really saying something, anything is better than nothing because at least you can hold your hand and say you tried. I mean if you did nothing then your thoughts about the one that got away will be stronger which is something you want to avoid. If you tried and failed at least you could say it did not work out but not through lack of trying. As for what to do, from the tone of your posts it seems you really do want to make this work so I suppose my advice would be to take things slowly and perhaps bring up the topic in a light-hearted manner and try your best not to place too much pressure on her giving the answer you want, suggest that it is okay to say no if she is lacking in confidence to be upfront (from the sound of things she does sound rather nervous of the whole thing so hold her so to speak to be honest with herself). From the sound of things however I think it is a bit of long shot and you should not have high hopes on a favourable outcome upon asking her. Ironically those low expectations could work on your favour as you will be less nervous as you are expecting less from her. If she says anything other than a firm yes then I would move on or at the very very least abandon any hope of having a romantic relationship with one her.