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Old 2013-04-13, 10:34   Link #37921
Kireen
Uchuu Kaizoku
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: From Italy
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twi View Post
I'd suggest that Yuuno have a storage/utility device since Elys and the Lost Logia need to be sealed away to prevent further damage during the escape. It doesn't need to be an intelligence device. Yuuno is moderately informed about intelligence devices since he was one of the key factors in Reinforce Zwei's birth, so he should be able to figure something out, but he can't repair her.

The direction we're going is starting to diverge a bit and probably will once more we start writing. If I get the time, I'll start on something next week and post the rough draft up, but no promises.
Yeah, an Utility Device with a storage only purpose shold work, and I'm also assuming that he's older than twelve if Zwei is already around. I'd say 14-15.

I should also be able to start around Monday too, no promises on my part too, writing in English always takes me some time.
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Old 2013-04-13, 15:49   Link #37922
TwoZeroTwo
A Past-Life Digression
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: US
Quote:
Originally Posted by Twi
The direction we're going is starting to diverge a bit and probably will once more we start writing. If I get the time, I'll start on something next week and post the rough draft up, but no promises.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kireen View Post
I should also be able to start around Monday too, no promises on my part too, writing in English always takes me some time.
Huh? Is there going to be one 'final' version that combines these (and any others), or are two different stories going to start running here?
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Old 2013-04-13, 16:27   Link #37923
Kireen
Uchuu Kaizoku
 
 
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Dunno, for the moment we're trying to put what we discussed before into an actual chapter, once they are done we'll decide what to do.

BTW the premise of your story sounds interesting, once I'm done with my colossal 'to read' pile i'll give a read and let you know that I think. Also welcome.
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Old 2013-04-13, 17:20   Link #37924
Andarkoshi
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Join Date: Apr 2013
It's something I worked on for a bit now, I wonder if you have any opinions that would be helpful... Yes I am taking some liberties with Nanoha world XD

Her light steps carried her down the street while the rain softly splashed against her umbrella. The world around her was cool and moist, the rain covered it with a soft haze. Her eyes were on the clouds, dark, calm clouds which passed lazily above her as they showered the world.

She did not mind the soft downpour, the world was a peaceful and calm place when it rained. Back on Eltria most beasts didn’t attack during rain and preferred to seek shelter in their dens and dungeons. Those were the rare moments of
peace back there.

She fixed her long pale coloured scarf wrapped around her neck, it was still early spring and the air had a chill to it. Her hand brushed off some stray droplets which found their way onto her knee-long overcoat. Her legs didn’t feel particularly cold, wrapped in the dark stocking and her feet protected by the comfortable boots which reached above her ankle.

She was lucky she checked the weather forecast or else she’d have to either run home or get a taxi. The clouds were gathering since afternoon but it wasn’t until half an hour ago that it started to rain.

A soft sigh escaped her lips as she watched the clouds pass by pushed by a gentle breeze. While the negotiations were successful and she managed to secure more help for her world it was still hard work. It wasn’t only TSAB officials she had to negotiate with either, various companies which she contacted also wished to get a piece of this lucrative pie. Except they were far less generous than TSAB, it was a hard fight to win as much as she could without giving out too much. In the end those people were greedy and tried to take advantage of her situation. But she would not lose to them, she would not yield. This task was give to her by her King, she would not fail and would not withdraw no matter the things she would have to face.

She wanted to aid her sisters back in Eltria but she knew that her intelligence and ability to negotiate favourable contracts were more important than her combat skills at the moment. This was her role right now, one which she focused her full attention on.

As she walked her eyes lowered at the flowers in the park which spread to her right. The park was mid-way between the office where she usually met with trading partners and her apartment.

The greenery spread as far as the eye could see, the grass looked fresh and alive as the rain washed away the dust. Stern crouched beside one of the flower beds, the delicate plants shyly peeked out of the ground while their leaves eagerly reached out to the rain as if to quench their thirst.

A gentle smile spread on her lips, she loved plants, they were the sign of life and growth. Back on Eltria there were so many places where no plant could grow, places devoid of all life where not even cacti or bushes grew.

She gently brushed one of the leaves, a drop of water collected on her finger as she rose it only to fall yet again down to the soil which it would enrich. Stern stood up slowly, once again taking in the beautiful sight in front of her. This was what she worked for, a world filled with life where Dearche, Levi and Yuri could live happily.

For the time being though her work was done, she secured the supplies for her world and could relax, if only briefly. All she really wanted now was to get back home, take a long hot bath and finish the book she started yesterday, maybe make something good for Levi if she was around

With that in mind she resumed her slow trip home, only rain and an occasional car breaking the quietness of the streets. Her steps carried her slowly towards the apartment block where she lived with Levi and Dearche when they were on Mid-Childa. It was a fairly large apartment with room for each of them, fully equipped with various conveniences of everyday life. Dearche would not accept anything less as their “Base of operations” on Mid-Childa as she called it. Levi was more than happy to call it a base, her adventurous nature reacted every time she heard the word Base.

She was very close to her home when a familiar sound caught her attenton. Her head moved from one side to the other as she tried to identify the source. After a moment of concentration she moved, her feet tapped against the ground impatiently. She knew that sound, knew it almost too well. So many times did she hear it back on Eltria. It was a cry of a child, lost, scared, hurt with no one around who could help or save it. But she was there, she could hear it and like so many times before, she moved to the child’s rescue.

She found her huddled up in a corner behind the support beams of one of the buildings. The poor thing was completely soaked, her jeans and a white pullover clung to her body, both filled with water. The girl was ten, maybe eleven years old, her dark blue hair stuck to her head and face as she rubbed her eyes and cried.

“Onee-chan... Otou-chan... “

She called out for her family, a quiet plea to be found, to be saved by those closest to her from this dark, cold place she found herself in.

Stern crouched beside the girl and reached out but stopped, she didn’t want to startle the child.

“Are you hurt?”

She asked with the softest voice she could manage. The girl seemed really scared, being approached by a complete stranger could prove to be too much for her.

“Eh?”

The girl answered quietly as her hands lowered slightly to take a look at this strange woman who crouched in front of her.

The girl took one look at Stern, her eyes shot open, her mouth opened and with a scream the girl ran away her arms up in the air.

Stern stared after the girl for a second before a sigh escaped her lips. She completely forgot about the most important step when you approach a child, smile. With her large ice-cold blue eyes and a default expression that could be called bored at best and grim at worst, she wasn’t exactly someone who encouraged trust in children. She turned to the girl, her hand moved up as she prepared a bind spell. It wouldn’t do the child any good if she fell under a car or down into some hole.

But before she finished the spell the girl did what you might have expected. She slipped and fell over straight into the biggest puddle in the vicinity, one that could easily classify as a small lake.

“Oh dear”

Stern murmured as understanding dawned on her, lost in the city without an umbrella or a raincoat, falling straight into the biggest puddle she could find... The young woman realized that she might just have to deal with the most natural of dojikkos.

With a few quick steps she was by the girl’s side and a moment later she easily fished the girl out of the water before carrying her back into the corner where she found her. The girl couldn’t really get any more wet even if she tried but it was better to get her out from under the rain.

“Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself?”

She asked, making sure to smile gently at the girl this time. This seemed to have worked as instead of running away in panic the girl only stared at her with fright.

“Please don’t eat me...”

The girl begged quietly, her lower lip quivered with fear.

“I won’t eat you, don’t worry”

“Will you sell me for spare parts?”

The girl asked watching Stern with frightened stare.

“No I won’t”

“And you won’t take me away to a magical kingdom of hardgay angels?”

“I...”

Stern stopped for a moment to inspect the girl’s face. She wasn’t entirely sure whether the girl was sincere or if was secretly making fun of her.

“No I won’t. Now are you hurt?”

The answer to that was a quick shake of a head which made Stern relax a bit.

“I know I’m a stranger and I’m sure that your father told you not to talk to strangers...”

The answer to that was a fierce nod and as if she only now remembered that rule the girl pressed her lips together, determined not to speak a word.

“But I promise I’m not someone suspicious. Here...”

She said and brought up a small piece of plastic, it was a temporary TSAB mage license which was given to her so she could officially aid TSAB in various assignments. Aside from money, goods and artefacts, Materials also offered their help in exchange for the goods they received from TSAB.

“Ah... it’s similar to Otou-chan’s...”

The girl said before she glanced between the piece of plastic and Stern as if to make sure she was the same person as on the picture. Was it possible that this scary looking Onee-chan was actually working for TSAB like her father?

“Do you believe me now?”

Her smile widened a bit when the girl nodded hesitantly, her hand reached out and gently patted the girl’s head. The child glanced up at the warm hand which ruffled her wet hair and smiled shyly.

“What’s your name?”

She asked the girl who perked up at the question.

“Subaru, Subaru Nakajima”

“It’s a very cute name Subaru-chan. I’m Stern, Takamachi Stern”

The girl smiled and blushed at that.

“Stern-san then?”

The girl asked and smiled when the woman nodded but then blinked at her curiously when Stern put her umbrella down and rose to get her overcoat unbuttoned.

“Now, we need to get you somewhere warm and dry. I live nearby so is it okay if I take you there?”

She asked and the girl nodded, this Onee-chan was really kind and gentle despite her scary face.

“Good. Now put your arms through the sleeves”

She said as she swung the overcoat over Subaru’s shoulders. The girl glanced at her worriedly though.

“Is something wrong?”

“You will be cold Stern-san”

The girl received another pat on the head as Stern smiled.

“It’s okay, you need it more than I do. Now, arms through the sleeves”

She commanded gently, the girl did not object anymore and followed her orders. After she got the coat all buttoned up Stern wrapped her scarf around the girl’s head so that only her eyes peeked out from behind the protective garment.
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Old 2013-04-13, 17:26   Link #37925
bhl88
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... and I thought you'll use Stern Starks...
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Old 2013-04-13, 17:30   Link #37926
Andarkoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bhl88 View Post
... and I thought you'll use Stern Starks...
Naah this Stern got officially adopted by the Takamachis. She tried to protest and explain that she is a clone at best, impostor at worst but the Takamachis outvoted her and there she is XD

Poor Nanoha though she thought she'd finally become an Onee-chan but Stern proved too fitting for the role and it was Nanoha who became the Imouto.
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Old 2013-04-13, 17:33   Link #37927
bhl88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
Naah this Stern got officially adopted by the Takamachis. She tried to protest and explain that she is a clone at best, impostor at worst but the Takamachis outvoted her and there she is XD

Poor Nanoha though she thought she'd finally become an Onee-chan but Stern proved too fitting for the role and it was Nanoha who became the Imouto.
lol or otherwise the mother attacked her... and it became Stern's worst memory.... and best.
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Old 2013-04-13, 17:36   Link #37928
Andarkoshi
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Originally Posted by bhl88 View Post
lol or otherwise the mother attacked her... and it became Stern's worst memory.... and best.
To quote Momoko
"For me to become a mother again at this age. I feel so youthful, thank you Stern-chan"
The woman said as she pressed the small girl's face into her chest, completely muffling any protests Stern tried to mount.


But anyway, did you like it? And did I get Stern's personality right?
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Old 2013-04-13, 19:34   Link #37929
Sunder the Gold
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Old_Iron View Post
As for a device, I've never been a real fan of Yuuno having one. Sometimes it's okay. But for the most part I am of the opinion it takes away from one of the more intriguing aspects of his character on the magical side. If anything, a Storage Device to act as a secondary CPU. But giving him something comparable to RH or Mach Caliber just seem out of place.

Though if it's a Device as a character, that could work. Like how Yuuno couldn't use RH, but still had her with him. Non-use opens up some potential I'd think.
I think the idea of Yuuno getting a Utility Device like Steed makes a lot of sense, but then I also think that if he wanted to make a non-combat Device or have one made for him, he would create an Index / Search Engine for the Infinite Archives.

Obviously, he wouldn't take the Index with him on digs, which means he could still be in the market for a straight-over-the-counter Utility Device.

In fact, I have to wonder if that isn't how he used Raising Heart. Even in Standby Mode, she could make recordings and store information for him. (She probably also provided her VR training system, which helps explain how he got so good at aerial combat.)


As for a combat Device, a Boost Device like Caro's gloves makes sense. Something that completely forsakes Cross User Link, Auto-Casting and Storage to focus solely on the Direct Boost output method.

The Device is dumber than even a Storage Device, and can only do one thing: Make its mage's spells STRONGER. But it does that very well.

Visually, it's just placing green gems and lines on Yuuno's existing cut-off brown gloves. Narratively, it's just an excuse for Yuuno's spells to be as strong as the new plot demands.

Since it has no storage capacity at all, Yuuno still has a need for a Utility Device for taking pictures and holding records.
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Old 2013-04-13, 21:53   Link #37930
bhl88
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
To quote Momoko
"For me to become a mother again at this age. I feel so youthful, thank you Stern-chan"
The woman said as she pressed the small girl's face into her chest, completely muffling any protests Stern tried to mount.


But anyway, did you like it? And did I get Stern's personality right?
Yeah you did.... She only smiled for Yuri XD

Now only if Kyrie was there.... rescuing Erio like a damsel in distress XD... or it's Erio rescuing Kyrie and she wraps her arms around his neck and...
Caro: AHEM.
Kyrie: Muu~
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Old 2013-04-13, 23:29   Link #37931
mega1987
GregOS Offline
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Philippines
Age: 36
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andarkoshi View Post
It's something I worked on for a bit now, I wonder if you have any opinions that would be helpful... Yes I am taking some liberties with Nanoha world XD


-snip-
*currently throwing money into my monitor but nothing happening.*

*looked at the remaining LOYAL MGLN fans in AS*

can anyone help me fund this?

I want more Stern as a Takamachi....
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And I can't still make fanfic without restarting from the start when new ideas comes in...
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Old 2013-04-14, 00:48   Link #37932
vic-vic
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2Andarkoshi
Thank you very much! I so longed to read Stern-as-part-of-Takamachi-family story. And now little Subaru have another mage to idolize.
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Old 2013-04-14, 02:23   Link #37933
Old_Iron
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I have to say, that was really well done. We really need more Stern around here and you've taken an excellent first step into doing so. I think you did really good job with her character, along with building the setting.

If anything, I'd suggest a little more meat to the setting to help flesh it out. But then again, I like lots of meat. Especially in dialogue.

If you're going to build a world out of this I'd start with more background on how Stern was adopted into the Tamachi family and her relationship with that particular group. Considering she's still a key element in helping out with Eltria, that's going to play a big part in it I think. From there you can probably go into her friends and how she'll (possibly) be a new friend to little Subaru.

Overall though, it was really good. =3

But yes, in the tongue of the interwebs: MOAR
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Old 2013-04-14, 02:31   Link #37934
WarpObscura
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MegaGalvatron View Post
Why is it that all these fanfic writers seem to have a hard-on for Yuuno? There are plenty of other Nanoha characters to include in a fanficn.
Exactly because he's so neglected by canon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
One of the rare phyrric victories I tried writing for Nanoha, which is made worse that I had to let some of the bad guys survive otherwise there'd be no StrikerS.
But you don't have to railroad yourself like that! Kill off so-and-so villain. Let Vice and co. actually have a good victory. Imagine an AU where the villains in question don't exist... Everything changes. Lots of new room to work with if you let yourself.
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Old 2013-04-14, 02:32   Link #37935
bhl88
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Originally Posted by vic-vic View Post
2Andarkoshi
Thank you very much! I so longed to read Stern-as-part-of-Takamachi-family story. And now little Subaru have another mage to idolize.

XD ypu can put more Eltria.
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Old 2013-04-14, 02:56   Link #37936
Kireen
Uchuu Kaizoku
 
 
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@Andarkoshi.
Yup, you made a good work, and I think that you got Stern right.

I'm curious to see how this evolves, I request MOAR.
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Old 2013-04-14, 04:15   Link #37937
Andarkoshi
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Join Date: Apr 2013
I'm glad you liked it ^^ I should have more soon.

@Old Iron
Well it's all part of my bigger story so there will be the explanation for everything in there [when I'll finally manage to write it that is]

Essentially I upped the Threat Level of Eltria, the situation is pretty bad over there and while Materials tried to do their best to save that world it proved too much for them. That's why they grudgingly came back to Nanoverse and contacted TSAB through their Originals.

In exchange for various artifacts, goods and Materials' help from time to time, TSAB provides Eltria with aid in the form of food, various materials, maybe even weapons so they can protect themselves.

In fact I'd love to have more info on Eltria because I'm woefully uninformed about that world. I only know what was in those recent Sound Stages.

As for Stern, since she is the most suited for being a negotiator and diplomat she spends quite a lot of time in Nano to make sure everything proceeds smoothly.

Last edited by Andarkoshi; 2013-04-14 at 04:42.
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Old 2013-04-14, 09:30   Link #37938
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kireen View Post
I'd really like to give it aread, if you have something written, can you give me a link?
Sadly... I can't seem to find it. I might have left it on a different hard drive to the ones I have here with me. O.O

Quote:
Originally Posted by WarpObscura View Post
But you don't have to railroad yourself like that! Kill off so-and-so villain. Let Vice and co. actually have a good victory. Imagine an AU where the villains in question don't exist... Everything changes. Lots of new room to work with if you let yourself.
Yes, there is that. But I also felt that it would cheapen the ending a lot so I guess I should keep it as it is.

Nevertheless, I have plans for a part 2 which occurs post-StrikerS where the team is reassembled by The Rookie in season 1, but again, that really depends on when I actually get around to it.

Meanwhile, I'm working on lets see... Star Trek Online, Moretsu Pirates, an Nanoha OC fic and Nanoha INNOCENT.

...not going to happen in another 40 years.
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Old 2013-04-14, 10:33   Link #37939
Kireen
Uchuu Kaizoku
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Sadly... I can't seem to find it. I might have left it on a different hard drive to the ones I have here with me. O.O
Pity... give me a call if you manage find something.
Quote:
...not going to happen in another 40 years.
If it helps you feel better i think that I'll gradute by that time. *Stares at the programming book, that grins evilly in return.*
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Old 2013-04-14, 10:47   Link #37940
Sunder the Gold
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So I have vague plans about a story in which Admiral Letti forcefully volunteers to teach the Wolkenritter non-lethal capture spells.

However, I'd like to hear people's thoughts on what sort of events would have happened between the destruction of the Defense Program and the point at which the TSAB is giving the Wolkenritter mage-rank evaluations.


No one on the TSAB side really knows about the Wolkenritter as people, and they know even less about Hayate. Sure, they all just helped defeat the Defense Program, but they've got to answer for everything else they did before that -- a marauding career that has lasted multiple eras.

Fortunately, the Wolkenritter always did fully intend to surrender, which would smooth things over when Chrono very reasonably immediately demands that they surrender and be arrested.

Of course, the Wolkenritter would only surrender on the condition that they be allowed to first get Hayate safely to the hospital. Various factors would convince Chrono that pressing the point would be more trouble than it was worth, so he allows this. Of course, he also follows them to the hospital and makes sure that reinforcements will arrive, for the likely possibility that the Horsemen of the Apocalypse would try something funny.

Alternatively, the Wolkenritter ask that Hayate be taken to a TSAB medical facility, with four of them (including Reinforce) immediately surrendering to incarceration, excepting Shamal whom they insist be left free to stay at Hayate's side.

(One way or the other, the TSAB needs to cover up Hayate's sudden disappearance from the Earth hospital. Editting video records, hypnotizing guards, repairing the damage to the roof-top, whatever they can do.)

With the Defense Program safely destroyed, the Knights' master captured and her health stabilized, and the Wolkenritter securely bound, the TSAB can feel assured enough to refrain from any rash and tragic actions until interrogations and debriefings give them a better understanding of the Yagami Family, and inspire some measure of trust.

Trust enough that Admiral Letti would become their sponsor, and the Yagami Family would eventually be allowed to return to their home on Earth, with the Wolkenritter slated to become indentured (is that the word?) servants to the TSAB as their punishment for past crimes. A working, community/military-service probation.


Somewhere along the line, Chrono and Lindy would need to deal with their feelings regarding Reinforce, the Wolkenritter, and their association with the Defense Program that killed Clyde.

This is not likely to happen in interrogations, since the TSAB would not possibly assign him to such a task. They had no choice but to leave the Hallahouns on the case combat-wise, since there aren't enough mages to spare and they were already in the area, but the TSAB surely has no shortage of lesser-mages and non-mages who can perform interrogations.

Last edited by Sunder the Gold; 2013-04-14 at 11:18.
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