Dating

[RadiantBeam]

Well, I went by the campus center today and didn't see him anywhere. Pity he told me to visit him at work, but failed to tell me what days and hours he works so I could catch him. Ah, well. I'll just have to keep trying. I have to admit I'm hung up on him, for some reason. I've been thinking about him all day. It's a nice change from the past couple of months when I wouldn't even glance at a boy after my senior year of high school.

[Generic Asian Guy]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

I've been thinking about him all day. It's a nice change from the past couple of months when I wouldn't even glance at a boy after my senior year of high school.

I think having someone special in mind is one of the best motivators out there. When I was together with my ex 7 years ago, I looked forward to everyday just to be able to see her; I'd tackle all assignments and exams head-on with a smile. Since then, I've never had that feeling.

So, keep at it, but be sure not to go out out of your way (e.g. sitting in front of the campus center all day).

And I agree with cheyannew, I don't believe in "love at first sight", rather, "lust at first sight". That's why I recommend everyone to proceed with (some) caution in the early stages of a potential relationship.

[Crusader]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Well, I went by the campus center today and didn't see him anywhere. Pity he told me to visit him at work, but failed to tell me what days and hours he works so I could catch him. Ah, well. I'll just have to keep trying. I have to admit I'm hung up on him, for some reason. I've been thinking about him all day. It's a nice change from the past couple of months when I wouldn't even glance at a boy after my senior year of high school.

You've been thinking about him eh, so i assume you're smitten then. Well kitten go for what you want.

As for me.... well I reconnected with this girl (or rather lady now) that i was real hot for 2 years ago. I can honestly say i love/loved her, and after seeing her again i still feel the same way right now. The only reason i didn't pursue her, was because she was 16 and i was 20 or 21, not to mention i was also her boss too. So i couldn't afford to chase her, and she had a boyfriend at the time.

Anyhow went to her job, which is strange for me, because it seemed more like a rich person's place. I went there and distracted her from her job for three hours, and i asked her out. I was amazed she even remembered everything i use to say to her. She asked my why i liked her, and i explained that she was different and she was the only person i really have deep deep conversations with. She explained that she was really looking for someone, and she still didn't get why i liked her, but we could start out with hanging out more and talking more.

Personally this makes me happy, but at the same time i'm a little nervous because this all seems surreal to me. Further more I don't understand why she don't understand that i like her. I guess i could have went into more detail, and told her my exact reasons, but i didn't wanna get too sentimental, not to mention i'm guessing she still has self esteem issues.Or I'm ugly as sin (not likely).

Lastly, im not really sure what to say somethimes, I really don't want to have those strange silences, but my mind just goes blank when we talk in person, and i can't seem to make eye contact for too long.

I have super strong feelings for her, but i don't want to get or be too excited over this either. I mean I have always considered this girl/Lady my dream girl. Right now we are talking as friends, and the thought of failure and rejection is making me seriously nervous and almost stressing out. All that other stuff wasn't serious to me, but this one here is very close to my heart.

With that said any thoughts?

[Throne Invader]

It may not be LOVE at first sight but it's definitely not LUST at first sight for all cases either. It depends if it develops into some uncontrollable excessive craving or desire for that person. I wouldn't consider being astounded by a person when you see him/her at first sight and thinking that "He/she is cute. I think I'm in love" is lust. Sometimes you already know something about the person even before you meet them and you feel really interested and impressed about that person. At times you may also see the person for the first time but the both of you are already talking like say when a friend introduces you to each other and you spark a conversation.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Crusader

Anyhow went to her job, which is strange for me, because it seemed more like a rich person's place. I went there and distracted her from her job for three hours, and i asked her out. I was amazed she even remembered everything i use to say to her. She asked my why i liked her, and i explained that she was different and she was the only person i really have deep deep conversations with. She explained that she was really looking for someone, and she still didn't get why i liked her, but we could start out with hanging out more and talking more.

Personally this makes me happy, but at the same time i'm a little nervous because this all seems surreal to me. Further more I don't understand why she don't understand that i like her. I guess i could have went into more detail, and told her my exact reasons, but i didn't wanna get too sentimental, not to mention i'm guessing she still has self esteem issues.Or I'm ugly as sin (not likely).

Don't sweat it, my girl said much the same things when we first started. Just assure her that you think she's special, and she'll accept it over time.

Lastly, im not really sure what to say somethimes, I really don't want to have those strange silences, but my mind just goes blank when we talk in person, and i can't seem to make eye contact for too long.

I have super strong feelings for her, but i don't want to get or be too excited over this either. I mean I have always considered this girl/Lady my dream girl. Right now we are talking as friends, and the thought of failure and rejection is making me seriously nervous and almost stressing out. All that other stuff wasn't serious to me, but this one here is very close to my heart.

With that said any thoughts?

I'd say a quick way to get over your anxieties over being in her company is to pierce through them with your drill by doing what I did; try something outrageous like stealing a kiss from her. But eh.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by FragrantFlora

It may not be LOVE at first sight but it's definitely not LUST at first sight for all cases either. It depends if it develops into some uncontrollable excessive craving or desire for that person. I wouldn't consider being astounded by a person when you see him/her at first sight and thinking that "He/she is cute. I think I'm in love" is lust. Sometimes you already know something about the person even before you meet them and you feel really interested and impressed about that person. At times you may also see the person for the first time but the both of you are already talking like say when a friend introduces you to each other and you spark a conversation.

Each case is different. Sometimes widely different.

While I kind of agree with you that something between two person can happen at first sight while not being Lust, your view can dramatically change once you learn more things about said person. Either your feelings grow bigger, or the flame dies right away.

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

I'd say a quick way to get over your anxieties over being in her company is to pierce through them with your drill by doing what I did; try something outrageous like stealing a kiss from her. But eh.

Yes, and Crusader, don't worry. It comes with an Asuki warranty. If it fails miserably, we'll ask xris to hack Ascaloth's computer and steal the address of his home. So you'll be able to kill/torture him

Spoiler for .:

Joking aside, I hope it will work out whatever method you use

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

Save for the fact that there's no such thing as LOVE at first sight
Generally, it's LUST at first sight, since you cannot possibly know the inner workings of someone at first sight.

Besides, if you DON'T date someone, how will you get to know them in respect to a relationship? Granted, you can get to know them in other ways, many chats, etc (I didn't DATE my husband till well after we were married, but we would hang out outside for hours to talk).

The problem with that belief is that all people are instant attracted to each other based on sexual vibes alone which is definitely not true.
The idea of 'love at first sight' would include that chemistry, that vibe between two people who know that something amazing may be possible to develop between them.

Of course time and research is needed to find out about each other, to see how compatible they may be to put the effort into make a healthy, lasting relationship, but I've seen peeps have lasting relationships based on 'mutual respect' for each other at first meeting but yet they knew that this may be the 'one'.
1 in a million chance perhaps, but not everyone is eye-candy high (he’s so funny and charming and sweet and oh so hot, wonder what he’s like in bed, hmm~) when they resonate with someone else within an incredibly short period of time.
*notices FF and Narona have also said their piece*

As for dating, if the idea of having to get all dolled up and go to a public place seems ugh, then keep it simple and casual to whatever suits the tastes of you and your potential partner, but as Narona said, the more you learn about someone, the more chance your initial opinion/feelings can change.

[Crusader]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Don't sweat it, my girl said much the same things when we first started. Just assure her that you think she's special, and she'll accept it over time.
I'd say a quick way to get over your anxieties over being in her company is to pierce through them with your drill by doing what I did; try something outrageous like stealing a kiss from her. But eh.

So you and your lady started out as "friends", okay I want to spend time with her but, i don't want to go over board with that. I wanna talk to her so bad, but i don't because i don't want to seem as anxious as I am. I know her very well, and i need to get over that anxious feeling. Hell I have never been this worked up ever. I'm so worked up my perm is wearing away, and my hair is going natural. Seriously she makes me feel like a hot mess.(not steamy, just hot.)

Oooh wow i nearly lost my train of thought there. Anyways, What would be the best way to get over the anxiety, and show her that i do like her but, not in a desperate stalker like way, that i almost do.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Crusader

So you and your lady started out as "friends", okay I want to spend time with her but, i don't want to go over board with that. I wanna talk to her so bad, but i don't because i don't want to seem as anxious as I am. I know her very well, and i need to get over that anxious feeling. Hell I have never been this worked up ever. I'm so worked up my perm is wearing away, and my hair is going natural. Seriously she makes me feel like a hot mess.(not steamy, just hot.)

Oooh wow i nearly lost my train of thought there. Anyways, What would be the best way to get over the anxiety, and show her that i do like her but, not in a desperate stalker like way, that i almost do.

Work with yourself on that note. Each person deals with anxiety differently, each person knows how they react and figure out the best way to calm down.

I'd say just tell her at this point. Or even write a note, (a small letter within a christmas card?), if you wanna be chancy.
Or wait until after the holidays, so the season magic disappears and she could think about how you feel.

But if it's eating you up this much, then she has to know, so you can deal with the yay or nay and see what happens

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Crusader

Anyhow went to her job, which is strange for me, because it seemed more like a rich person's place. I went there and distracted her from her job for three hours, and i asked her out. I was amazed she even remembered everything i use to say to her. She asked my why i liked her, and i explained that she was different and she was the only person i really have deep deep conversations with. She explained that she was really looking for someone, and she still didn't get why i liked her, but we could start out with hanging out more and talking more.

Personally this makes me happy, but at the same time i'm a little nervous because this all seems surreal to me. Further more I don't understand why she don't understand that i like her. I guess i could have went into more detail, and told her my exact reasons, but i didn't wanna get too sentimental, not to mention i'm guessing she still has self esteem issues.Or I'm ugly as sin (not likely).

If it makes you feel any better, you handled the "why?" question a lot better than I did when I made my first confession. I got flustered and said something about "how do you expect me to answer that?". It really wasn't that complicated a reason - she's cute and she shares some of my major interests - but I wasn't really thinking straight.

As to why she asked... going by the ages and timeframes you're giving, right now she would be about 18 while you're around 22? The ages in my case are pretty much exactly the same, and I kind of doubt most 18 year old girls are used to getting attention from guys our age.

[Habhome]

What are you guys' views on long distance relationships?
How long do you think one can keep a long distance relationship before you'd have to make it "local" for it not to burst?

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Habhome

What are you guys' views on long distance relationships?
How long do you think one can keep a long distance relationship before you'd have to make it "local" for it not to burst?

Depends. You can always find cases of couple for which it worked. All depends on the individuals.

And don't forget long distance relationships are not only for unmarried couples. Take the example of couple when the guy is in the army and spends most of the time outside of his own country. You might think it's difficult and that most couples fail at it.

Yet, on this forum, I'll not say who, but there is a member who has parents in this case. And guess what? Their relationship is still as strong as ever from what I know.

The best is to talk to your GF a lot. It might work "if" you two can handle the distance and the time it took before one of you two will move to the other person's place for good.

[Habhome]

Originally Posted by Narona

Depends. You can always find cases of couple for which it worked. All depends on the individuals.

And don't forget long distance relationships are not only for unmarried couples. Take the example of couple when the guy is in the army and spends most of the time outside of his own country. You might think it's difficult and that most couples fail at it.

Yet, on this forum, I'll not say who, but there is a member who has parents in this case. And guess what? Their relationship is still as strong as ever from what I know.

The best is to talk to your GF a lot. It might work "if" you two can handle the distance and the time it took before one of you two will move to the other person's place for good.

Yeah, I like to believe it depends a lot on the individuals too.

You probably guessed that I'm involved in a long distance relationship from the question, and I'd like to believe we'll make it. We're both stubborn like hell and refuse to fail.
And we speak to each other every day, whenever we can.

Though we're both going to attend Uni in our own countries, so it'll be over 3 years until anyone can move..

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Habhome

Yeah, I like to believe it depends a lot on the individuals too.

You probably guessed that I'm involved in a long distance relationship from the question, and I'd like to believe we'll make it. We're both stubborn like hell and refuse to fail.
And we speak to each other every day, whenever we can.

Though we're both going to attend Uni in our own countries, so it'll be over 3 years until anyone can move..

I didn't guess it. You said it yourself ealier in a different thread. You love a girl from czech republic (East Europe FTW, hum hum, sorry I had to promote it xD) and you spend all your money to be able to see her a few times (which i think is very romantic, and i think she thinks the same)

I hope it will work out. Keep hoping for now

But may i ask, did something happen, or did she say something that made you wonder it could fail?

[Habhome]

Originally Posted by Narona

I didn't guess it. You said it yourself ealier in a different thread. You love a girl from czech republic (East Europe FTW, hum hum, sorry I had to promote it xD) and you spend all your money to be able to see her a few times (which i think is very romantic, and i think she thinks the same)

I hope it will work out. Keep hoping for now

But may i ask, did something happen, or did she say something that made you wonder it could fail?

Oh yeah, I did. Forgot about that.

And no, nothing happened. I'm just tired, and when I'm tired I get easily depressed and stuff. And I heard a few things I didn't like and I got a bit down. Don't feel like going into detail, I'd feel totally stupid for being jealous about something like that, but I do get easily jealous. And I was a bit reminded of when I said something about it on the forum where we met, and I got totally bashed by someone who said we were naive idiots for thinking we could make it work.

As a side note, it's 16 days until I get to see her again, and I haven't seen her for over a month. And it'll be even longer between this time and the next..

And now I'm acting all depressed again, stop it Hab! *slap self*
I'm going to bed for now..

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Habhome

Oh yeah, I did. Forgot about that.

And no, nothing happened. I'm just tired, and when I'm tired I get easily depressed and stuff. And I heard a few things I didn't like and I got a bit down. Don't feel like going into detail, I'd feel totally stupid for being jealous about something like that, but I do get easily jealous. And I was a bit reminded of when I said something about it on the forum where we met, and I got totally bashed by someone who said we were naive idiots for thinking we could make it work.

As a side note, it's 16 days until I get to see her again, and I haven't seen her for over a month. And it'll be even longer between this time and the next..

And now I'm acting all depressed again, stop it Hab! *slap self*
I'm going to bed for now..

Take this from someone who'se already been there, being jealous of someone is the easiest trap if you're in a long distance relationship, especially because you may or may not know all the details about what your significant other is doing. However, considering you two have known each other long enough and have already seen each other, I don't think you should worry yourself over it. Think of it this way, she wouldn't spend so much time over you despite the distance if she wasn't really in love with you. So be thankful and hope for the best! I'm sure everything will be great on your end

[Crusader]

I always thought Long distance relationships gave a person time to get to know each other, but at the same time, some people have to be able to physically touch that special someone, and tend to look for something close by. However, you can make it work only if she's still willing to. I can't speak from experiance, as i have never tried it, but good luck none the less Habhome.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Habhome

Oh yeah, I did. Forgot about that.

And no, nothing happened. I'm just tired, and when I'm tired I get easily depressed and stuff. And I heard a few things I didn't like and I got a bit down. Don't feel like going into detail, I'd feel totally stupid for being jealous about something like that, but I do get easily jealous. And I was a bit reminded of when I said something about it on the forum where we met, and I got totally bashed by someone who said we were naive idiots for thinking we could make it work.

As a side note, it's 16 days until I get to see her again, and I haven't seen her for over a month. And it'll be even longer between this time and the next..

And now I'm acting all depressed again, stop it Hab! *slap self*
I'm going to bed for now..

Jaelous because she talked about another boy? ^^ Without making it a big deal, you can discuss it with her you know. Just use the right wording, and don't yell nor act as if she was your personal item.

About people who criticize you. You know, people like to criticize other couples even when said couples have no problems at all. Maybe your relationship will fail, it could happen. But for now, that's not something you should get depressed about. As Yoko would probably say, the more you think it will fail, the more there are chances it will fail for real. Don't listen to morons (and i bet a good bunch of them are bitter morons who have nothing better to do than criticizing you)

I'll add what Yoko said to me on msn:

Long distance relationships can work if there is the absolute certainty both parties will be able to see each other at some point, and if both parties are willing to make that happen

Only you two can make it happens (minus if one of your parents are against it) if you truly work for it with all your might. I'll just add that you both need to cultivate Patience. Humans are not that good when it comes to Patience, so you will need to put efforts in it. Both. Courage que Diable, as French would say xD

[Habhome]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

Take this from someone who'se already been there, being jealous of someone is the easiest trap if you're in a long distance relationship, especially because you may or may not know all the details about what your significant other is doing. However, considering you two have known each other long enough and have already seen each other, I don't think you should worry yourself over it. Think of it this way, she wouldn't spend so much time over you despite the distance if she wasn't really in love with you. So be thankful and hope for the best! I'm sure everything will be great on your end

True, and neither would she come all the way to Sweden to see me either.

Originally Posted by Crusader

I always thought Long distance relationships gave a person time to get to know each other, but at the same time, some people have to be able to physically touch that special someone, and tend to look for something close by. However, you can make it work only if she's still willing to. I can't speak from experiance, as i have never tried it, but good luck none the less Habhome.

Thanks ^^

Originally Posted by Narona

Jaelous because she talked about another boy? ^^ Without making it a big deal, you can discuss it with her you know. Just use the right wording, and don't yell nor act as if she was your personal item.

About people who criticize you. You know, people like to criticize other couples even when said couples have no problems at all. Maybe your relationship will fail, it could happen. But for now, that's not something you should get depressed about. As Yoko would probably say, the more you think it will fail, the more there are chances it will fail for real. Don't listen to morons (and i bet a good bunch of them are bitter morons who have nothing better to do than criticizing you)

I'll add what Yoko said to me on msn:



Only you two can make it happens (minus if one of your parents are against it) if you truly work for it with all your might. I'll just add that you both need to cultivate Patience. Humans are not that good when it comes to Patience, so you will need to put efforts in it. Both. Courage que Diable, as French would say xD

No, it wasn't her talking about some other boy. It was about her Graduation Ball (Which her parents forbid me to attend, even if I could've skipped school and come there...) where they had a performance. In said performance they had to be paired up with someone of the other sex. And well, the dancing they did wasn't explicitly erotic, but it was borderline. I just didn't like it, especially not with the costumes they wore.

And we've discussed it, I told her before even I wouldn't like it. We have no problem talking about stuff like that, which is probably a plus.

And the guy who said it, I don't really care much what he said, sometimes I just get reminded of his words anyway.

When it comes to patience, I am uncommonly patient already. And about parents being against, well. Mine didn't really like the idea at first, but they say it's up to me and accept it. They really like her as a person too. And her parents don't mind me as a person, but her mother isn't happy about her not being able to understand me at all, since she's bad at English ( the mother). And they don't agree to the distance at all. They want her to have some Czech guy.

But well, I know her (the girl I love that is), and she's not interested in the kind of guys who make out the majority of the male population (If I'm allowed to generalize =P).

Moving to bed for real this time, I'll check back in here tomorrow.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Habhome

No, it wasn't her talking about some other boy. It was about her Graduation Ball (Which her parents forbid me to attend, even if I could've skipped school and come there...) where they had a performance. In said performance they had to be paired up with someone of the other sex. And well, the dancing they did wasn't explicitly erotic, but it was borderline. I just didn't like it, especially not with the costumes they wore.

And we've discussed it, I told her before even I wouldn't like it. We have no problem talking about stuff like that, which is probably a plus.

That's good that you discussed about it. I don't want to scare you, but yes that kind of Ball can have a certain effect, and whatever how she could feel about it, since you talked both about it, she'll remind herself that she should not lost her mind because of that "special/magical" bal aura.

I understand your concern perfectly, and no it's not bad to have felt something. Feel better now ?

And the guy who said it, I don't really care much what he said, sometimes I just get reminded of his words anyway.

Just post this to them next time:

Spoiler for .:

When it comes to patience, I am uncommonly patient already. And about parents being against, well. Mine didn't really like the idea at first, but they say it's up to me and accept it. They really like her as a person too. And her parents don't mind me as a person, but her mother isn't happy about her not being able to understand me at all, since she's bad at English ( the mother). And they don't agree to the distance at all. They want her to have some Czech guy.

You're 17-18. If you start learning czech now, in about 10 years max you will be able to understand her. If she can't resolve the problem, then resolve it yourself =D

But well, I know her (the girl I love that is), and she's not interested in the kind of guys who make out the majority of the male population (If I'm allowed to generalize =P).

Don't take things for granted over the years. Don't lower your guard, but for now, i don't see any problems