AnimeSuki Forums

StratoSpear · 2011-11-19, 23:47

@Eratas

I planned to, but depending how Chapter 10 goes at the moment, I might have to add one more chapter for the epilogue, We'll see how it goes.

The battle scene goes on for about 2100+ words, which is about half the full length of a typical chapter in my fic.

Here's towards the end of the climax(unless you want me to post the 2100+ words full battle scene

)

Spoiler for Scene:

For added effect, you might wanna listen to this part of Mobile Armor while reading the part where Inami goes after the last warhead.

EDIT: Heading out for some sightseeing, will be back in maybe several hours time. Hopefully Zero reads this draft part during then :P

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 00:26

68 views overnight? not bad for a half-assed one-shot.

Eratas123 · 2011-11-20, 00:29

@ Box - Do you know when the OVA will be released?

DarkJak2050 · 2011-11-20, 00:32

Novemeber 25, 2011...

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 00:40

December 7, 2011

EthernalRain · 2011-11-20, 01:17

@ All: I NEED HELP!

For chapter 17 of HoTM, I'm having Kyuukai resolve his friendships/relationships with the cast and OCs! But I'm lacking ideas for scenes that aren't Laura's, Tatenashi's, Kanzashi's, or Cecilia's!

Here's the list of people (in order):

1. Chifuyu
2. Ichika
3. Charlotte
4. Houki
5. Lingyin
6. Cecilia (complete)
7. Kanzashi (ideas already greenlighted)
8. Tatenashi (ideas already greenlighted)
9. Akira
10. Tabane
11. Koyomi
12. Laura (complete)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 01:29

I can help you with the main cast, but just how is it that you want to resolve them?

EthernalRain · 2011-11-20, 01:34

@ Detective: I'm trying to have Kyuukai establish his friendships to the fullest: if you've ever played a Persona game, then I'm basically trying to have Kyuukai burst his way to the maxed out social link.

Specifically, a touching moment, one where the two (person and Kyuukai) blur the lines of standard friendship, touch heart to heart, give a little guilt, and have the person become somewhat okay with the fact that one of their friends is leaving and may never, ever see him again, may never see him alive.

Something like that. Also, what do you think about this scene? It's Cecilia's, I posted it earlier:

Spoiler for Cecilia's scene:

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 01:51

Ahh, so let me get a few points laid down:

1. He's leaving.
2. His relationship with the cast is relatively friendly.
3. The main point of this is to focus on a particular point in the character that people associate with them, and somehow reconciling this. (ex. Cecilia's cooking)

Did I get that right?

EthernalRain · 2011-11-20, 01:56

@ Detective:

1. Pretty much.
2. You've got it.
3. Somewhat, but somethings' aren't going to change. I'm not really trying to change those points in those characters, but I will for a few for dramatic effect.

In their eyes, there's a pretty big chance that Kyuukai's going to die. So both parties are at least trying to push for the goal: If Kyuukai's going to die, I'm not going to let his last memories of me be anything less than perfect.

And vice versa for Kyuukai: If he's going to die, he's not going to let their last memories of him be anything less than perfect either.

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 02:07

I see, the character dynamics between them are becoming clearer.

I admit I've only read a part of your story (so many chapters, will read in summer).

That said, I don't have a firm grasp on your OC's profile, he's an engineer, somewhat related to Tabane, and a...soldier, maybe?

MeisterBabylon · 2011-11-20, 02:09

Hmm... I wonder if I made Cecilia appear too nice in this short... But I believe two 'nobles' would converse rather civilly, no?

EthernalRain · 2011-11-20, 02:10

@ Detective: He's 17, child soldier (more like a police operative), is Tabane's adoptive soon, and works as an IS technology/regular technology engineer.

When you do get down to reading it, I hope you like it. At last count, it's about at more than 128 thousand words...

I put a lot of work into it...

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 02:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by EthernalRain

@ Detective: He's 17, child soldier (more like a police operative), is Tabane's adoptive soon, and works as an IS technology/regular technology engineer.

When you do get down to reading it, I hope you like it. At last count, it's about at more than 128 thousand words...

I put a lot of work into it...

Exactly why I want to take my time when I get around to reading everything, your story is one of the most popular in the IS section.

How is his relation to Tabane, and what happened to his real parents?

EthernalRain · 2011-11-20, 02:21

@ Detective: Kyuukai's parents were Yukari Inoue and Daisuke Murakami.

He's an illegitimate child, his biological mother taking care of him while his father went off on a life of luxury and debauchery while he ran a legal arms trade organization.

Kyuukai (aged 2) and his mother were stuck in a hospital during the bombing of Sapporo during the First Conflict (basically World War 3 with IS). Yukari was speared through the stomach with a pipe from the ceiling, while Kyuukai was too weak at the moment to do anything.

Tabane and Ryuu Tokiwa (her husband in my fic), came to Sapporo for relief aid with his paramilitary organization. They found Kyuukai and Yukari in the hospital. Help was called for, but it was too late. Yukari had the chance to sing Kyuukai a final lullaby after blessing the couple as Kyuukai's parents. Tabane was taken with the boy, and soon, they adopted him.

Fast forward 15 years later, Kyuukai finds his father, and so, things happen, blood is spilt and teeth are broken.

wavehawk · 2011-11-20, 02:22

This is what I wrote listening to Mobile Armor:

"The world you are living in now is built on the broken dreams and bloodied corpses of people who believed. So don't give me that look!" The old man spat the last of his chew tobacco, hefting the anti-IS rifle with his lone good hand. "I will destroy that belief you have in the world with one shot!"

There the boy cursed himself, helpless as the man took aim at Cecillia Alcott, two miles away but just next door to such a powerful gun.

"You can't do this. she's just a girl." The boy cried, not knowing if his words woudl mean anything. "She's wealthy, arrogant, spoiled--a wielder of the IS and one of England's greatest pilots..."

The old man was silent, lining up his sights on Cecilia Alcott's blonde head. The blue headband made for a perfect line of sight forhim to focus on. Without her IS, at this distance, the bullet wold shatter her skull in an instant.

"But at the end of it, she's just a girl!" He screamed. "Just a teenage girl like your daughter was! You can't possibly hold her responsible for what the Alcott family did to you!!!"

"I hold the Alcott line fully responsible for everything."

A pull of the trigger ended with a thunderous crack of a gun.

HasuMasu · 2011-11-20, 02:29

Just as expected, wavehawk.

As for Ethernalrain, ahh, that's some very useful information, can't help but think that his situation is a lot like, but a lot unlike Charlotte's, no?

demino_hellsin · 2011-11-20, 02:34

so does my OC pass the stu test?

I only got Eratas approval so far.

EthernalRain · 2011-11-20, 02:35

@ Detective: Indeed, it is. I intend to have some mention of that in Charlotte's bits.

That, and I'm planning a meet the parents style chapter after all the serious bits that are coming up next steam over.

Ichika, Charlotte, and Kyuukai are going to France. Why? So Kyuukai can negotiate a deal with the Dunois Corporation to secure some more Rafales for FRACTURE's training core. Ichika's going because Kyuukai threatened to ship him in an airtight box if he didn't go to support his girlfriend.

And his girlfriend is going to confront her father.

Ichika and Kyuukai do intend to "talk" with the poor, poor man.

wavehawk · 2011-11-20, 02:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Detective-san

Just as expected, wavehawk.

- Might even use it in my fic. Most of my better scenes in my fics are like this: I get random ideas while on the train, listening to music, etc. I just need someplace to type them down, because writing them in a notepad does not work (my handwriting sucks and I take too long).

...and now that I've watched Unicorn Ep.4 I've got a lot of awesome but tragic consequences in mind. Hi hi hihihihihihihiiiii~~

2011-11-19, 23:47	Link #8521
StratoSpear Titans Test Team Pilot Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: The Elysium	@Eratas I planned to, but depending how Chapter 10 goes at the moment, I might have to add one more chapter for the epilogue, We'll see how it goes. The battle scene goes on for about 2100+ words, which is about half the full length of a typical chapter in my fic. Here's towards the end of the climax(unless you want me to post the 2100+ words full battle scene ) Spoiler for Scene: ========== Several clicks from the IS Academy’s airspace ========== The two remaining drones cruise across the sky with great haste towards their designated target, the IS Academy itself. Passing over various towns, the drones set their sights on the Academy as the [Distance to Target] indicator on their visors quickly counts down. Just as they’re about to arm their warheads, Cecilia’s wing bits intercepts them, firing ahead to disrupt their flight path. “Oh no you don’t!” She cries out while relentlessly firing her wing drones to delay their progress. Charlotte deploys her twin Vent rifles and dives from above along with Laura and Lingyin while firing their respective weapons, landing hits on the warhead launchers and damaging them. Houki and Ichika approach from the side, attempting to engage the drones at close range. “Careful! They’ve armed their warheads, ready to blow themselves up at any moment!” Inami yells out to them while firing the Ingram on the drones landing hits on the launchers albeit being less damaging. “Eh?” Ichika quickly breaks off his flight path, followed by Houki. “Darn it… They got us in a pinch!” She cringes. Ichika switches the Setsura to cannon mode and opens fire, trying to land a hit on the drones as they begin to cross into Tokyo Bay’s airspace. Charlotte goes for the lead drone along with Laura. “Laura!” “On it!” Laura tails the lead drone and fires the Schwarzer Regen’s wire-guided daggers onto the drone, constricting its limbs and movement as she tries to hold it from advancing. “Now, Charlotte!” “Gotcha’!” Charlotte purges her arm-mounted shield and deploys the concealed Gray Scale pilebunker, ramming the pointed stake onto the drone’s chest. Without hesitation, she fires all of the Gray Scale’s blank rounds, driving the stake through the drone’s chest and its core before it could self-detonate the warhead. “Yataa!” The duo rejoices upon their success. Meanwhile, Inami and the other Academy pilots attempt to overwhelm the last drone, simultaneously firing their weapons at it. “I’ll block him!” He amplifies the Vanguard Unit thrusters, cutting off the drone from its path while firing the Ingram and Pitone railcannons concurrently. The combined fire erupts into an explosion which knocks the drone backwards, abruptly stopping it in its tracks. “Now’s our chance, nail it!” Cecilia exclaims while slightly struggling to fire both her sniper rifle and wing drones together. Houki projects a beam wave from her Karaware katana while Ichika and Lingyin attack with the Setsura and Ryuhow cannons respectively. Under continuous barrage of fire with its launcher slightly damaged, the drone’s eyes flash menacingly as it resorts to its last-ditch effort. The drone launches its warhead while firing its forearm energy cannon at the launcher of the inactive drone that Laura is holding, setting off the armed warhead within before succumbing to its fate from the barrage. Unable to avoid in time, Charlotte and Laura quickly put up defensive barriers as the inactive drone’s warhead explodes directly in front of them. The explosion knocks out both girls and the Vent rifles that Charlotte was holding. “LAURA! CHAR!” Ichika and Houki speeds off to catch their falling comrades while Inami, releasing the Ingram, grabs hold of one of the Vent rifles as it comes his way. “Inami, what are yo—” Cecilia questions upon seeing him re-activating Overboost. “Saving your classes!” He replies firmly then boosts off after the remaining warhead as it glides towards the Academy. “Hey, Inami!” Lingyin calls out to him but to no avail. As Inami dogs the warhead, he briefly observes the warhead’s booster unit. ‘The barrage must’ve clipped its thrust ignition control, well then…!’ He deploys his energy arm blade and severs one of the warhead’s gliding fins, causing it to uncontrollably spin upwards and away from the Academy. Maintaining a dangerously close distance with the spinning warhead, Inami takes aim with the Vent rifle as they quickly ascend into the skies. “Firing!” He declares with a grin as the warhead enters into the center of the rifle’s sights. He squeezes the trigger, continuously firing off high caliber shots from the rifle and scoring hits on the warhead until it eventually explodes. “There we go…” He mumbles to himself, heaving a sigh of relief as the bright light from the explosion engulfs the Minerva. For added effect, you might wanna listen to this part of Mobile Armor while reading the part where Inami goes after the last warhead. EDIT: Heading out for some sightseeing, will be back in maybe several hours time. Hopefully Zero reads this draft part during then :P __________________ "You cannot be bad at watching a movie. You cannot be bad at listening to an album. ...But you can be bad at playing a videogame, and the game will punish you and deny you access to the rest of the videogame." Last edited by StratoSpear; 2011-11-20 at 00:04.

2011-11-20, 00:26	Link #8522
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	68 views overnight? not bad for a half-assed one-shot. __________________

2011-11-20, 00:29	Link #8523
Eratas123 Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2011	@ Box - Do you know when the OVA will be released? __________________

2011-11-20, 00:40	Link #8525
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	December 7, 2011 __________________

2011-11-20, 01:29	Link #8527
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	I can help you with the main cast, but just how is it that you want to resolve them? __________________

2011-11-20, 00:32	Link #8524
DarkJak2050 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2011	Novemeber 25, 2011...

2011-11-20, 01:17	Link #8526
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ All: *I NEED HELP!* For chapter 17 of HoTM, I'm having Kyuukai resolve his friendships/relationships with the cast and OCs! But I'm lacking ideas for scenes that aren't Laura's, Tatenashi's, Kanzashi's, or Cecilia's! Here's the list of people (in order): 1. Chifuyu 2. Ichika 3. Charlotte 4. Houki 5. Lingyin 6. Cecilia (complete) 7. Kanzashi (ideas already greenlighted) 8. Tatenashi (ideas already greenlighted) 9. Akira 10. Tabane 11. Koyomi 12. Laura (complete) *HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!*

2011-11-20, 01:34	Link #8528
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Detective: I'm trying to have Kyuukai establish his friendships to the fullest: if you've ever played a Persona game, then I'm basically trying to have Kyuukai burst his way to the maxed out social link. Specifically, a touching moment, one where the two (person and Kyuukai) blur the lines of standard friendship, touch heart to heart, give a little guilt, and have the person become somewhat okay with the fact that one of their friends is leaving and may never, ever see him again, may never see him alive. Something like that. Also, what do you think about this scene? It's Cecilia's, I posted it earlier: Spoiler for Cecilia's scene: *Deadline: 3 days* I took a seat beside Cecilia in the home economics room, rolling up my sleeves. She's quiet, poring over a recipe book for something. I promised to help her with her cooking. I hope I don't regret this decision. "Alright!" She stand up with determination. "We're making cookies!" "I'll grab the flour..." An hour later, we were done. And I was staring down at the black circles that were supposed to be cookies. I thought we were baking desserts, not some sort of unholy insult to my childhood memories. "What are you waiting for?" She asked. "Nothing." I take a cookie gingerly. Then I risk a bite... *Oh dear god.* It tastes like a mix of blood and dirt. I know it for a fact that we put in cocoa powder, not gory mulch. And I know for a fact what blood and dirt tastes like. "So, what do you think?" She asks eagerly. "Er... It needs a bit of work." She sighs, wearing a disappointed look. "Oh brighten up." I tell her, standing up. I pat her on the shoulder and make for the kitchen tools. "You get better with practice. So let's get practicing." ... ... ... 7 batches of cookies later, and my stomach feels like it had been shot. With an AA gun. At point blank. God, it hurts. But I'll try to deal. "So...?" Cecilia begins with hope. "..." "Not good, isn't it..." She mumbles, hanging her head. "Now I'll never be able to give Ichika my cooking..." "You will eventually," I say to cheer her up, "just put some heart into your cooking. My mom told me once, was that if you put your heart into something, you put your emotions into the very same thing. And when someone else comes to experience it, they'll feel the same emotions you put into your work." She sits on the desk, thoughtful. She nods a bit, giving it some thought. "I've always wondered why you always seem to have the right thing to say." She notes to me, tapping her foot. "I say what comes to me, and most of the time it works." I tell her. That, and I try to bend my words into something people like to hear. Most of the time anyway. "Well thanks, Mr. Kyuukai." She smiles. "Why so formal, Miss Cecilia?" I grin back at her. "Now, aren't we going to practice?" I stand and walk back towards the supplies. She places her hand on my shoulder, stopping me. "I'll handle this batch." She smiles warmly, walking with confidence to the supplies. I bleach. My help is why the cookies were relatively edible. And I think I might need to go to the infirmary for food poisoning before the day ends. She sits me down at a chair. "Now wait." She tells me, and walks off for the supplies. ... ... ... "Done!" She squeals, and places the platter of cookies before me... They look... Oh god, they look terrible. They might actually kill me this time around. "I put a lot of work in to these!" She beams. I can see that... She picks up a few of the cookies, and puts them into a paper bag. "Thanks for your help Kyuukai." She thanks me. "Any time." I smile at her. She sits down quietly, looking outside the window. It's late, evening. We've been here for the whole afternoon now. "Thank you for everything, Kyuukai Tokiwa." She says out of nowhere. "And I mean *everything. For this, for the London trip, everything..." "You're welcome, Cecilia Alcott. Though you don't need to thank me." "Modest, aren't you?" She smiles yet again. She stands. "Though you deserve to be thanked." I smile sheepishly back, slightly blushing. She giggles at my expression. "You really do..." She says. And then suddenly, without warning... She wraps me around in a hug. "We'll miss you..." She says quietly. "I know..." I say to her. "Do you really have to go?" I nod in her arms. "Alright... But don't leave without saying goodbye, alright?" "I've still got three days. I won't leave without a goodbye." I assure her. We're silent, and yet she's still wrapped herself around me. "You know... You may not be my lovely, valiant prince..." I know she's referring to Ichika... "But I'll always think of you as my knight in shining armor." Then she let go of me. The notion she just told me warmed my heart. She really thought of me that way? She began to walk to the door. "Goodbye Kyuukai... Thanks for everything." And then she leaves. I sit quietly for a few minutes, deep in thought. Do I really want to go through with this? Leave all this behind? ... I look down at the cookies before me. Cecilia put a lot of hard work into these. And after all that... The least I could do was eat one. So I take one from the platter, and bring it to my mouth. I take a deep breath, the sigh. "Now or never, Kyuukai." I tell myself. And then I take a bite. OH DEAR GOD.* I pause, swallowing. Crumbles of cookie drop from my mouth to the platter. Just... Oh dear god... ... ... ... "It's delicious."

2011-11-20, 01:51	Link #8529
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	Ahh, so let me get a few points laid down: 1. He's leaving. 2. His relationship with the cast is relatively friendly. 3. The main point of this is to focus on a particular point in the character that people associate with them, and somehow reconciling this. (ex. Cecilia's cooking) Did I get that right? __________________

2011-11-20, 01:56	Link #8530
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Detective: 1. Pretty much. 2. You've got it. 3. Somewhat, but somethings' aren't going to change. I'm not really trying to change those points in those characters, but I will for a few for dramatic effect. In their eyes, there's a pretty big chance that Kyuukai's going to die. So both parties are at least trying to push for the goal: If Kyuukai's going to die, I'm not going to let his last memories of me be anything less than perfect. And vice versa for Kyuukai: If he's going to die, he's not going to let their last memories of him be anything less than perfect either.

2011-11-20, 02:07	Link #8531
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	I see, the character dynamics between them are becoming clearer. I admit I've only read a part of your story (so many chapters, will read in summer). That said, I don't have a firm grasp on your OC's profile, he's an engineer, somewhat related to Tabane, and a...soldier, maybe? __________________

2011-11-20, 02:09	Link #8532
MeisterBabylon ~ Your Smile ~ Author Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: 346Pro Age: 38	Hmm... I wonder if I made Cecilia appear too nice in this short... But I believe two 'nobles' would converse rather civilly, no? __________________ 白露型駆逐艦の４番艦、夕立です。第三次ソロモン海戦では、けっこう頑張ったっぽい★？

2011-11-20, 02:10	Link #8533
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Detective: He's 17, child soldier (more like a police operative), is Tabane's adoptive soon, and works as an IS technology/regular technology engineer. When you do get down to reading it, I hope you like it. At last count, it's about at more than 128 *thousand* words... I put a *lot* of work into it...

2011-11-20, 02:21	Link #8535
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Detective: Kyuukai's parents were Yukari Inoue and Daisuke Murakami. He's an illegitimate child, his biological mother taking care of him while his father went off on a life of luxury and debauchery while he ran a legal arms trade organization. Kyuukai (aged 2) and his mother were stuck in a hospital during the bombing of Sapporo during the First Conflict (basically World War 3 with IS). Yukari was speared through the stomach with a pipe from the ceiling, while Kyuukai was too weak at the moment to do anything. Tabane and Ryuu Tokiwa (her husband in my fic), came to Sapporo for relief aid with his paramilitary organization. They found Kyuukai and Yukari in the hospital. Help was called for, but it was too late. Yukari had the chance to sing Kyuukai a final lullaby after blessing the couple as Kyuukai's parents. Tabane was taken with the boy, and soon, they adopted him. Fast forward 15 years later, Kyuukai finds his father, and so, *things* happen, blood is spilt and teeth are broken.

2011-11-20, 02:22	Link #8536
wavehawk Some say I'm the Reverse Join Date: Jul 2006	*This is what I wrote listening to Mobile Armor:* "The world you are living in now is built on the broken dreams and bloodied corpses of people who believed. So don't give me that look!" The old man spat the last of his chew tobacco, hefting the anti-IS rifle with his lone good hand. "I will destroy that belief you have in the world with one shot!" There the boy cursed himself, helpless as the man took aim at Cecillia Alcott, two miles away but just next door to such a powerful gun. "You can't do this. she's just a girl." The boy cried, not knowing if his words woudl mean anything. "She's wealthy, arrogant, spoiled--a wielder of the IS and one of England's greatest pilots..." The old man was silent, lining up his sights on Cecilia Alcott's blonde head. The blue headband made for a perfect line of sight forhim to focus on. Without her IS, at this distance, the bullet wold shatter her skull in an instant. "But at the end of it, she's just a girl!" He screamed. "Just a teenage girl like your daughter was! You can't possibly hold her responsible for what the Alcott family did to you!!!" "I hold the Alcott line fully responsible for everything." A pull of the trigger ended with a thunderous crack of a gun. __________________ "We haven't been properly introduced..."

2011-11-20, 02:29	Link #8537
HasuMasu Senior Member Artist Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Middle Way	Just as expected, wavehawk. As for Ethernalrain, ahh, that's some very useful information, can't help but think that his situation is a lot like, but a lot unlike Charlotte's, no? __________________

2011-11-20, 02:34	Link #8538
demino_hellsin That one guy Join Date: Nov 2011	so does my OC pass the stu test? I only got Eratas approval so far.

2011-11-20, 02:35	Link #8539
EthernalRain Head of FRACTURE R&D Join Date: Oct 2011	@ Detective: Indeed, it is. I intend to have some mention of that in Charlotte's bits. That, and I'm planning a meet the parents style chapter after all the serious bits that are coming up next steam over. Ichika, Charlotte, and Kyuukai are going to France. Why? So Kyuukai can negotiate a deal with the Dunois Corporation to secure some more Rafales for FRACTURE's training core. Ichika's going because Kyuukai threatened to ship him in an airtight box if he didn't go to support his girlfriend. And his girlfriend is going to confront her father. Ichika and Kyuukai do intend to "*talk*" with the poor, poor man.