Dating

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Knightmare213

And when a girl is mad at you, it's best that you stay away from her a bit. When I say stay away, I mean stay away COMPLETELY. Stay away from her in person, stay away from her MySpace, stay from her messenger. Not only that, why did you call ex at 11PM in the night and 9AM? If she's mad at you, and if you really wanted to call her, you should have tried the next day (meaning around noon).

This applies to all people, really. When you're really upset at a person, the last thing you want is for them to be hanging around you. It just makes it worse.

I admire King Lycan's persistance. Let's give credit where it's due: he had the right idea about trying to talk it over. You can gently prod a person to talk about an issue that may be difficult for them, but you can't force it. Sometimes people need a bit of time to stew over what's bothering them, to collect their thoughts and possibly realize that it isn't worth it. Trying to force it generally makes it worse.

I'm thinking of taking her to a convention that happens until the end of February. It does involve both of our interests, and I think it's really a good way to get to know each other while we circle around the convention center.

Anyone agree?

That sounds pretty good to me. Since there'll be other people around it's not quite so scary and could also pass for a friend-related thing, but at the same time it'll give you the opportunity to get to know each other a bit better and make stronger ties before you leave your workplace. I hope it works out and she accepts.

Also, good call on holding off on it. It's a statement of the obvious, but how a person feels can influence their response. If she was sick, I'd guess that she would've been less up for the idea of going somewhere even though she'll be better by then. You don't want to ask her too late, but this may be too early by some people's scheduling.

[King Lycan]

bad i didnt talk to her in chemisrty or at lunch.
The only reason i think i handled this break-up badly was because i like this girl since the 8th grade so i really really loved her alot when we went out so i didnt wanna lose her

[siya]

My friend isn't very good with the opposite sex...He gets a Girlfriend and is then like "HOE MAH GOSH!!! SHE'S THE ONE!! SHE'S THE ONE!!" And when he away from her he rufuses to eat because he says he misses her so much..then a about 2 weeks later he's like "Oh her? She's a bitch! I never liked her, I felt sorry for her."

It's rather amazing

[Samari]

Originally Posted by siya

My friend isn't very good with the opposite sex...He gets a Girlfriend and is then like "HOE MAH GOSH!!! SHE'S THE ONE!! SHE'S THE ONE!!" And when he away from her he rufuses to eat because he says he misses her so much..then a about 2 weeks later he's like "Oh her? She's a bitch! I never liked her, I felt sorry for her."

It's rather amazing

Funny. At least he can get a date. I myself seem to have that same issue. Except I don't say it outloud. It's more of a conscience thing. There's a side of me what sees a certain girl and says "she's the one". I believe it's a result of some sort of desperation on my part. I talked about this earlier. At first I wasn't sure why I kept feeling this way. A few months ago, a good friend of mine told me something. They lent me some advice I'm currently trying to follow:

"Cameron, you're always surrounded by couples over there in the bay area. So you feel pressured to get yourself into one. For the time being, I think you should just focus on your studies and work. Think about what YOU want. Depending on someone else for happiness won't work. You have to be happy with the person you are first."

It was along the lines of that. She isn't even one of my best friends, but it sure sounded like something a person I've had a lot of interaction with for a long time would say.

On a side note, that Chinese girl I've been waiting patiently for two months to interact more is still moving just as slow. I think I'm about to move on. Shame. She's cute, apparently single, and shares a decent amount of the same interests I do. But one response every two months isn't going to cut it. And I'm starting to lose patience.

[Knightmare213]

@bluejazz: After my third rejection, I decided to take up a creed, in which I plan to hold up until the day I die (or until I get a girlfriend).

"Never ever fall in love with a girl, or even like her with romantic emotions, unless you know for sure, with physical, emotional, and verbal evidences, that she will start loving you back."

Of the girls that I liked in the past, both secretly and not-so-secretly, I had actually liked them for several months, one of them for a year-and-a-half, until I moved on. Almost everyday, I'd think about them, fantasize about them, daydream about them, and be heartbroken by the end of the year.

As of now, even though there are a lot of attractive girls in my city I am not in any hurry to get myself a girlfriend (might I mention that all of my female co-workers are all hotties and each and every one of them with unique personalities?). Even though the idea of having someone you can talk to almost about everything, sharing enjoyful times together, and even indulge on almost every physical level of pleasure (yes, even sex), but I have to look out for myself too. I'm very much focused on my own life and privacy (I'd say studying too, but I rather not lie), and I realized that being in a relationship will mean that I'll be sacrificing much of my own life to commit. Am I afraid of commitment? I don't know, cause I never tried of being committed in a relationship because I never was in one.

So, the bottom line is: blue, you really should just ask yourself if you really want a girlfriend as of now. I think you should follow that advice and not be pressured of being in a relationship. There is absolutely no law, neither written or non-written, that you have to be in a relationship. It can be considered of a society norm, but there are plenty of people who choses not to be conformed of that norm, or any other society norm. This also goes for anyone who was never been in a relationship or are single right now. It is by your choice only that you decide to sacrifice part of your life for that special someone.

We should ask ourselves if we are ready to try hard and make that damned relationship work. If not...what else would we be doing other than antagonizing our 'beloved'? What else would we be doing just to waste our money and time, and cause further emotional damages for both parties?

[King Lycan]

Knightmare213 u got a real good point rite there

[Archontic]

Originally Posted by King Lycan

Tell her how U feel thats what i do since you go on dates she WONT freak out

I did that once. I wear a cup, now.

Now I go for lying by omission. I won't tell you shit unless you ask me. =P

[King Lycan]

Ok so i ask u tell me now

[Synria_]

Knightmare... what type of job or where you work?

[Samari]

Originally Posted by Knightmare213

@bluejazz: After my third rejection, I decided to take up a creed, in which I plan to hold up until the day I die (or until I get a girlfriend).

"Never ever fall in love with a girl, or even like her with romantic emotions, unless you know for sure, with physical, emotional, and verbal evidences, that she will start loving you back."

Of the girls that I liked in the past, both secretly and not-so-secretly, I had actually liked them for several months, one of them for a year-and-a-half, until I moved on. Almost everyday, I'd think about them, fantasize about them, daydream about them, and be heartbroken by the end of the year.

As of now, even though there are a lot of attractive girls in my city I am not in any hurry to get myself a girlfriend (might I mention that all of my female co-workers are all hotties and each and every one of them with unique personalities?). Even though the idea of having someone you can talk to almost about everything, sharing enjoyful times together, and even indulge on almost every physical level of pleasure (yes, even sex), but I have to look out for myself too. I'm very much focused on my own life and privacy (I'd say studying too, but I rather not lie), and I realized that being in a relationship will mean that I'll be sacrificing much of my own life to commit. Am I afraid of commitment? I don't know, cause I never tried of being committed in a relationship because I never was in one.

So, the bottom line is: blue, you really should just ask yourself if you really want a girlfriend as of now. I think you should follow that advice and not be pressured of being in a relationship. There is absolutely no law, neither written or non-written, that you have to be in a relationship. It can be considered of a society norm, but there are plenty of people who choses not to be conformed of that norm, or any other society norm. This also goes for anyone who was never been in a relationship or are single right now. It is by your choice only that you decide to sacrifice part of your life for that special someone.

We should ask ourselves if we are ready to try hard and make that damned relationship work. If not...what else would we be doing other than antagonizing our 'beloved'? What else would we be doing just to waste our money and time, and cause further emotional damages for both parties?

Totally understandable. Just took me a while to admit to myself that being in a relationship isn't the most important aspect of my life. Even though I think I've been patient...perhaps it's the fact that I was trying to get this to happen which has caused the most grief.

This past week was the second week of my new semester at my college. I have three classes. Two of which are in the classroom and the third is online. I remember the first week when I attended these two classes, and saw all the students, there was a side of me that said "Darn, not really any attractive girls here in these classes". Then the second week, there were students that had registered late in both classes. And a few girls that I guess I found really cute were enrolled. And I remember that same voice telling me "Yay, now you can attempt to make a move". Almost like that desperation was some sort of protocol. Like I said in my last post, that feeling comes around whenever I see a girl that catches my interest in the slightest way. "OMG SHE'S SO FREAKING HOT, SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!" Amazing how I've clouded my own mind.

So I find myself ignoring these emotions and trying to focus myself on my work more. In my second class, there's this one cute Japanese girl. And that voice talks again. I ignore it. I eat lunch by myself in the student lounge in that building. She sits at my table across from me. I'm thinking "Okay...what should I do..." But, I just acted normal of course. She said "hi" to me and we started talking. And we had a good conversation for about fifteen minutes. Starting talking about where we're from, our majors, etc. Alas, she's not single. And I could feel a little bit of disappointment from that desperate side of my persona. It was deep down inside, but I felt it. But like I said, I let it go. I just want to make a new friend at this point. And concentrate on other things. Go figure.

[psycho bolt]

Hi, I found a girl I like. I seen her a few times on campus at College. I think she saw me a few times too. Problem is that I don't know her and she doesn't know me. I never had a class with her, but I seem to see her walking around campus. So, I wanna ask her and she is very cute (I got a thing for that). I need a insight from a girl, what would a girl feel if some random guy she doesn't know or met before ask her? Plz I need advice its almost Valentines Day, I wanna let her know how I feel....

[Chibi Nasu]

Here's one girl's opinion:

If you just randomly walked up to her and confessed, she might think it's a bit stalkerish and be scared away. I would suggest getting to know her first. Strike up some light conversation a few times. If you're walking nearby her, make some comment to her about the weather or something simple and common and then go from there (asking her her major/other common questions that come up at college). Just because you think she's cute doesn't mean everything.... her personality might suck or you just might not click with her.

[psycho bolt]

Now I just need to find a way to approach her, without making it awkward.

[Quzor]

Originally Posted by psycho bolt

Now I just need to find a way to approach her, without making it awkward.

It's going to be awkward, no matter what. You have no social relationship with this girl, so any initial contact is going to have an air of discomfort around it. The idea is to quickly push past that. Personally, I've always found it a good idea to at least have one question in mind (a general one, like Chibi suggested, but not a "yes" or "no" question) when I approach a girl. At the very least, you go up, ask the question, she answers and you two part ways. At the most, you end up having a long conversation.

Just make eye contact, and be confident. Remember, "No" is only a word.

[siya]

Originally Posted by Quzor

It's going to be awkward, no matter what. You have no social relationship with this girl, so any initial contact is going to have an air of discomfort around it. The idea is to quickly push past that. Personally, I've always found it a good idea to at least have one question in mind (a general one, like Chibi suggested, but not a "yes" or "no" question) when I approach a girl. At the very least, you go up, ask the question, she answers and you two part ways. At the most, you end up having a long conversation.

Just make eye contact, and be confident. Remember, "No" is only a word.

lol...What I do is sing a song in my head...it distracts me a little to get away from the akwardness but not enough to where like.."Oh, I'm sorry..who are you and why did I approch you?" xD...What that doesn't help with is the fact for me personally, when I'm around a girl I like I have a problem thinking of a conversation..I just can't..I'll join in one if she starts it but I can't think of one....it's amazng

[Quzor]

Originally Posted by siya

lol...What I do is sing a song in my head...it distracts me a little to get away from the akwardness but not enough to where like.."Oh, I'm sorry..who are you and why did I approch you?" xD...What that doesn't help with is the fact for me personally, when I'm around a girl I like I have a problem thinking of a conversation..I just can't..I'll join in one if she starts it but I can't think of one....it's amazng

That's sort of how I prefer to do it as well. Stand close, and wait for the opportunity to jump into a conversation. Generally, I get a weird look after my first comment, then I make a joke, and they forget about the fact that I was just eavesdropping

[siya]

Originally Posted by Quzor

That's sort of how I prefer to do it as well. Stand close, and wait for the opportunity to jump into a conversation. Generally, I get a weird look after my first comment, then I make a joke, and they forget about the fact that I was just eavesdropping

lol, yea, I don't ussually get a weird look because I don't normally have a problem saying things..it's just comming up with a conversation that gets me.

[aka Providence]

Originally Posted by psycho bolt

Now I just need to find a way to approach her, without making it awkward.

mm, try moving in from behind silently, then apply the chloroform before she notices you. that way, at least only one of you would feel awkward.

seriously though, i agree that it's going to be awkward no matter what, since you don't know much about each other. the best (or at least easiest) way to approach her is when she's not moving around, and as for conversation... well, that's the hard part you have to figure out. people have different reactions from talking to other people, so i can't help you there.

just go with the flow, don't try to do something you can't do.

[Darkman.exe213]

I think I just screwed up my love life.

I talk to this girl I like on AIM. I know her in person, but we rarely see each otheer anymore. Anyway, she was asking if I was interested in anyone(because it's Valentine's Day), but she was hesistating a lot when she was asking me.(it kinda gave me the idea that she liked me) And I told her not really.(like an idiot.) Because I'm EXTREMELY shy about it. If she liked me, I'm afraid she migh have given up and moved onto someone else.(because she got swtuff from 3 other guys on Valentine's Day) Any advice here?

[ChibiMenos]

Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213

I think I just screwed up my love life.

I talk to this girl I like on AIM. I know her in person, but we rarely see each otheer anymore. Anyway, she was asking if I was interested in anyone(because it's Valentine's Day), but she was hesistating a lot when she was asking me.(it kinda gave me the idea that she liked me) And I told her not really.(like an idiot.) Because I'm EXTREMELY shy about it. If she liked me, I'm afraid she migh have given up and moved onto someone else.(because she got swtuff from 3 other guys on Valentine's Day) Any advice here?

Well, I suppose the easiest fix (not the least painful, but the easiest) would be to call her up and ask her out. (I'm assuming she lives nearby, if you know her irl?) If you want anything in life, you've got to be willing to take the risk--and think how happy you'll be if she -does- like you in that way.

I can also tell you that pretty much right after I met my current bf, he told my cousin (but in front of me, so I thought it was aimed at me) that he wasn't really interested in girls right now. And yet, things have worked out well so far.

So, relax, and figure out what you really want to do. In the end, I think you'll find that waiting and then regretting it later is not an enjoyable thing--it's much better to take action and then accept whatever happens.