Brother has become an addict, getting really angry and frustrated.

[SeijiSensei]

A very similar request just popped up on Slashdot: http://ask.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=09/05/22/2334206

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Narona

That's not the question. His parents seem to not care about what he's doing right now but a time will come when they will care. Especially if the boy fu*** up his studies.

The problem is that most parents underestimate how damaging modern-day addictions such as the internet and games can be. They figure "as long as my boy isn't doing drugs and getting drunk, he'll be fine". And yeah, it usually does take bad grades for most parents to come to the realisation that it's an issue.

Also, if I was his mother, I would not like to see him not doing the cleaning, even in his bedroom. As I see it, kids live in their parents' house. It's not as if the room was the kid's property. So, he would have to clean it.

Looking at this from a legal perspective...yeah that never helps. We're talking about chores here. Teaching your child to clean up after himself is basically a disciplinary tool. The logic is that he'll carry it on to later life.

If I understood correctly, he also doesn't help anyone. He expects his family (like justin kim) to do the cleaning, the chores, to do the cooking, to bring up money, while Mister just enjoys his little life while not caring about the other people, like a little prince.

As I said, if I was his mom, he would experience what hell is.

Well, if his parents do all those things for him, then they need to take a look at themselves.

Undermining the kid and talking down to him won't help either.

[Kusa-San]

Well I didn't read the whole thread but I think the main problem is not that your brother play toCS but why he plays to CS. For me, your borther is just triying to avoid the real world and he is isolating himself in a virtual world where there is no worries for him. I'm pratically sure that he has a problem in real life and it's this problem that you need to find. You need to find this problem because I think it's because of that that he is like that. Your bother just send to you and your parents a message who says "Please help me ! ". You may think it's weird because when you come to him he rejects you but it's because he is protecting himself against the real world. It's paradoxical because he wants help but at the same times he refuses this help. That's why you need to find the source of his problem.

When you find it, you must confront him with his problem, telling him "I know what's your problem". Your brother will be certainly very very angry at that time but you must not weaken, it's really important. If he yells at you then yell at him and tell him that you're his brother, that you love him and that you want to help him. If he starts to beat you don't beat him but tell him that Whatever he will do, you will stay here because you love him and because you're his brother. And then maybe you're brother will break down and speak openly to you ^^


And By the way, sending him to a psy is useless if it's not him who want to see one of them.

[Justin Kim]

Originally Posted by Kylaran

Too bad your language makes it seem like those of us who play a lot of video games are evil creatures who deceive others. Have you ever thought of the fact industries attached to video games (professional leagues, virtual currency) are steadily growing and have been less impacted by the recession than other industries?

Maybe your brother wants to be good enough to be the best at something, and maybe that something is a game that takes time to get good at? To me, this is no different than a sport. Ever try talking to your brother about how he feels about gaming instead of trying to "fix" him?

I never said that gaming addicts were disgusting creatures. I was only implying the way my brother behaved. I have seen MLG out there, and I have watched several SC and CS-based tournaments. Those gamers have a stable life, or at least a happy one. My brother, however, uses those videos to kill time whenever he stops playing momentarily, and also to learn tactics etc. Persay gaming can be a healthy habit and benefit your future if your good at it, but when it is taken to an extreme, I find it condemned.

~Well the update status is: Brother was stricken with a flu, and a very high one too. When I came home, he was on the laptop looking seriously out of it and was playing CS. I question whether he even begins to care about his very own body? So far, I have been taking care of him and forcing him to rest...

[tripperazn]

Well, now that I've actually put in one hour to read this thread, might as well give my two cents, haha.

People here obviously have a lot of good ideas, as well as personal experiences with this type of addiction. However, I think a lot of it is too coercive, in the end, YOU want him to change, HE doesn't necessarily want to at the moment. Punishment rarely sticks, as soon as you go back to college and stop enforcing whatever policy you set up, he'll go back to CS like you never existed.

I think you should lead by example. Show him what it's like to have a personal life beyond the internet. You need to show him how to take pride in having real life relationships with other people, whether that is a girlfriend or just guys you chill with. Talk on the phone where your brother can hear you, let him know subtly how much more fulfilling it is to live a balanced, social lifestyle. Laugh, relax, and show that you have friends that care about you beyond how good you are at some game. If you have a girlfriend, bring her home. There are things in life beyond gaining respect for your stats and receiving "props" from anonymous people. Show him what he doesn't have, and he'll start to want it. I believe that deep inside, he does aspire to something more, you just need to give him some motivation. Set a good example, that is what a good older brother does.

My brother and I don't talk, we haven't for years now, but I know that he looks up to me. That is because I show him that being sociable is something to take pride in just as much as getting headshots with a scout. Being good at CS feels great, I can tell you from personal experience, and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. Just make sure that isn't the only thing that gives him pleasure in life. Playing games and having a life are not mutually exclusive, you can have both.

I'm back from college and watching my bro kick ass at CS as I'm typing this. But I know that recently, he has gotten himself a social life at school and gets good grades, even though he procrastinates. When my parents complain to him about spending too much time on the computer, I take his side, even when he isn't there to hear me.

Show him what he is missing out on in life and this will only be a phase. But, trying to force a rebellious teen to change his life around is only going to drive you crazy.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

~Well the update status is: Brother was stricken with a flu, and a very high one too. When I came home, he was on the laptop looking seriously out of it and was playing CS. I question whether he even begins to care about his very own body? So far, I have been taking care of him and forcing him to rest...

Ahhh... adictions to games, the new drugs.

How old is your brother? If we're speaking of someone around 16 or higer my advice would be to let him be, soon or late, he will understeand and face the concecuences. (detail that will be a positive experience)

If he's a kid let's say... 9-10. Simply tell your parents or either confiscate his laptop until he learns that everything has its time and place to do it.

There, my 2 cents

[Senbon Zakura]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Ahhh... adictions to games, the new drugs.

How old is your brother? If we're speaking of someone around 16 or higer my advice would be to let him be, soon or late, he will understeand and face the concecuences. (detail that will be a positive experience)

If he's a kid let's say... 9-10. Simply tell your parents or either confiscate his laptop until he learns that everything has its time and place to do it.

There, my 2 cents

Yeah, if he's like 14-16 then he'll just have to figure it out on his own. I'm 15 and I think I just realized like 4-5 months ago that when I play games like WoW and CSS I tend to lose track of time and neglect my schoolwork and studies. I'd really rather have a good Junior year next year and get good grades since thats when I'll be applying for college...it's all a matter of choosing between fun now and dopey life for a long time, or mostly work but some fun and easier life for a long time.

[Justin Kim]

Originally Posted by Senbon Zakura

Yeah, if he's like 14-16 then he'll just have to figure it out on his own. I'm 15 and I think I just realized like 4-5 months ago that when I play games like WoW and CSS I tend to lose track of time and neglect my schoolwork and studies. I'd really rather have a good Junior year next year and get good grades since thats when I'll be applying for college...it's all a matter of choosing between fun now and dopey life for a long time, or mostly work but some fun and easier life for a long time.

He is 17 and arrogant! .

[Dilla]

Originally Posted by Senbon Zakura

Yeah, if he's like 14-16 then he'll just have to figure it out on his own. I'm 15 and I think I just realized like 4-5 months ago that when I play games like WoW and CSS I tend to lose track of time and neglect my schoolwork and studies. I'd really rather have a good Junior year next year and get good grades since thats when I'll be applying for college...it's all a matter of choosing between fun now and dopey life for a long time, or mostly work but some fun and easier life for a long time.

This was basically me, except that it was console games, I had enough sense to not ask my mom to buy me new video games, so I got my first job in order to buy, buy, buy video games, and nothing but video games. And that's what I did my first paycheck or two. Then, my mom decided that since I had my own money, I could care for myself and help with the bills. So, now I was buying video games and paying some of the cheaper bills(cable, cell phone, etc.). Then my mom stopped cooking every weekday and I couldn't cook a lick at that point, so I had to save more money to feed myself when I didn't feel like eating ravioli or ramen noodles. Finally, my work hours increased, so I didn't have the time to play video games I loved so much anymore. It was a homemade habit-breaker.

And I didn't even mention school.

[Justin Kim]

Originally Posted by Dilla

This was basically me, except that it was console games, I had enough sense to not ask my mom to buy me new video games, so I got my first job in order to buy, buy, buy video games, and nothing but video games. And that's what I did my first paycheck or two. Then, my mom decided that since I had my own money, I could care for myself and help with the bills. So, now I was buying video games and paying some of the cheaper bills(cable, cell phone, etc.). Then my mom stopped cooking every weekday and I couldn't cook a lick at that point, so I had to save more money to feed myself when I didn't feel like eating ravioli or ramen noodles. Finally, my work hours increased, so I didn't have the time to play video games I loved so much anymore. It was a homemade habit-breaker.

And I didn't even mention school.

OH wow! I did almost forget. My brother's constant addiction to gaming has jumped our electric bills by 40%. I swear, when I looked at the electric bill this month, it was absolutetly horrifying. About 175 dollars.

[Senbon Zakura]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

OH wow! I did almost forget. My brother's constant addiction to gaming has jumped our electric bills by 40%. I swear, when I looked at the electric bill this month, it was absolutetly horrifying. About 175 dollars.

Holy crap...

You're his older sister, correct?

I really think you just need to get parental involvement, simple and plain.

[chikorita157]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

OH wow! I did almost forget. My brother's constant addiction to gaming has jumped our electric bills by 40%. I swear, when I looked at the electric bill this month, it was absolutetly horrifying. About 175 dollars.

Yes, those gaming machines uses alot of power, especially those powerful ones...

The electric bill should catch your parents attention... If he keep it up, he won't be able to get out of his addiction and health will further deteriorate... but you really need to seek professional help for him before it gets even worse.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

He is 17 and arrogant! .

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

OH wow! I did almost forget. My brother's constant addiction to gaming has jumped our electric bills by 40%. I swear, when I looked at the electric bill this month, it was absolutetly horrifying. About 175 dollars.

There's your answer, show the bill to your partners, explain the reasons, they get mad, they punish him (probably removing the game for a period of time) he understeands, not ever do it again, ta da!

We laugh, huge each other and everyone very happy walk away.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

He is 17 and arrogant! .

So what? I was 14 and I scratched a teacher's car, put someone's face through a set of glass window panes, argued back with the principal, HOD, my parents and my form teacher and almost made a gasoline-based pipebomb before I was sent for counselling. And I was still considered treatable for violent and homicidal behavior *.

Ask your parents to make him foot part of the electric bill and make him get a part time job. Speak to your parents to get tough with him, BUT try to keep the peace. You might want to buy a wooden cricket bat when he gets violent at you for instigating such a measure, just bash him at his butt, thighs and fleshy part of his arm to cause pain. DON'T hit the head.

You might want to consider using a little violence in solving such a problem. You hung out a little too long beyond the "mere actions will do for treatment" phase.

* - They never found out about the pipebomb. I almost completed it but never figured out how to make a fuse, so I buried it near my local basketball court.

[yezhanquan]

Hope the guy who ate glass got better.

[Justin Kim]

Yeah and the even funnier part about the electric bill was. My parents made me pay it, saying I had the responsibility of taking care of him, and then they just went back to work or sleep.
-_-.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

OH wow! I did almost forget. My brother's constant addiction to gaming has jumped our electric bills by 40%. I swear, when I looked at the electric bill this month, it was absolutetly horrifying. About 175 dollars.

O-M-G. I guess your brother's lucky to have such nice parents and a nice brother. When I went over my cellphone bill, my dad took my cellphone away from me for a month. I got a classmate who also went way over the limit and her dad broke her cellphone. I dunno if the bill is really much a concern for you since I know parents who just really don't care how much their children spend. But I seriously think your parents have to start applying iron discipline on your brother. You can try telling your brother how much the bill is and explain to him how hard your parents are working just to earn money. He might feel a wee bit guilty. If he doesn't, give him the silent treatment. But I don't think he'll care about it since he's so preoccupied with the game he's playing. It's seriously up to your parents now. If he completely ignores you and doesn't listen to your advice, then that's pretty much all you can do.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by yezhanquan

Hope the guy who ate glass got better.

I supposed he did since he sent a horde of orcs to beat me up after school.

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

Yeah and the even funnier part about the electric bill was. My parents made me pay it, saying I had the responsibility of taking care of him, and then they just went back to work or sleep.
-_-.

Did you pay it? Now go earn your right to beat some sense into your brother's head. Bash the laptop over his head for better effect, after all, you have the responsibility to bash sense into his head.

I don't know if this works for you, but my sis always leeches on my bandwidth, and I am the one always paying for it (my parents supposed I used the net the most, so they made me pay it). So I cut her connection whenever I am lagging, and blame it on the local internet service (which is notorious for undercutting customers with a service named after a moekko).

Then again, don't pay the bill altogether. I didn't do so during my first month of basic military training, and basically ignored all the phone calls my sister gave me under the pretext of "tiring training". I cut her off, dissed off my entire family, and it was fun.

Making others pay for something they have not done has gone a little too far. Maybe you should threaten to quit college so you can pay his electric bills.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

Yeah and the even funnier part about the electric bill was. My parents made me pay it, saying I had the responsibility of taking care of him, and then they just went back to work or sleep.
-_-.

There, they had gave you open doors, it's your respónsability, confiscate his game for good, it's youir "responsability" after all.

[Showtime]

Originally Posted by Justin Kim

OH wow! I did almost forget. My brother's constant addiction to gaming has jumped our electric bills by 40%. I swear, when I looked at the electric bill this month, it was absolutetly horrifying. About 175 dollars.

Yeah and the even funnier part about the electric bill was. My parents made me pay it, saying I had the responsibility of taking care of him, and then they just went back to work or sleep.
-_-.

If I was in your situation, I would speak with my parents and tell them that if my little brother doesn't pay with his own money for it, I'm gonna stop paying the bill. I'd then approach the little brother and tell him that if he wants to play, he's gonna have to pay.

Not sure if you're the type to do that, though.