AnimeSuki Forums

Ryus · 2010-03-22, 14:47

Quote:

Originally Posted by revan5

Quote:

Originally Posted by revan5

"...and the award for tactless statement of the year goes to..."

Now just hold on a minute Charuru, since when did you need to pick a fight? Now I'm going to have my fanfiction buried by an avalanche of angry rebuttal posts...oh dear. (sighs)

Now then, Shiek, when are you finally going to get on the Dark Lord's "bad" side? I promise you that chapters 5 & 6 should be enjoyable reads. I've tempted you with everything I know of, from the Renee bath scene to tons of combat. Good news though, I'm up to 96 pages on the fanfiction, and steadily nearing completion.

Please tell me the final version will be a graphic novel.

MisterJB · 2010-03-22, 15:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charuru

Thanks shelter, though I have to say, I hate your writing and especially your reviews on ff.net. Your reviews are really full of nonsense, and it's aggravating watching you give bad advice on that site.

You know, I was about to dismiss this as "personal opinion" until I read about reviews full of nonsense and bad advices.

What, you have three posts in this thread and you think you own the place? I advise you to show some more respect towards someone who has tons and tons of experience when it comes to writing and has helped a lot of newbies to improve their own fanfictions.

So, that was when I decided to see if you had written anything yourself. And I found your ff.net account.
And now, I am trying to decide wether you are a troll or just a very bad writer. Do you write mary-sues on purpose or do you just like to throw useless things like grammar or characters-who-are-in-character aside?

revan5 · 2010-03-22, 16:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryus

Please tell me the final version will be a graphic novel.

Well Ryus, if I get help with drawing a few images, it could be. I forgot to mention the sex-crazed, murderous, tyrannical, ungodly handsome villain, whose personal harem of beautiful girls plays a critical role in my upcoming fanfiction following this one. But don't worry, you'll get to meet him and his beautiful harem girls in chapter six.

Actually, your post gave me an idea of getting some really good Claymore artist to help me out with a cover and maybe some backcover images. Of course, I'm not sure fanfiction.net would allow me to add a cover to the finished product, but it'd sure be a classic if it had one!

MisterJB · 2010-03-22, 16:13

No, ff.net doesn't allow that but you can post links on your account page.

Shiek927 · 2010-03-22, 16:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryus

*Offers Shiek some Goobers and a seat.

Hehe, Yummy! I'll bring those strawberry gummy bears I can't get enough of

--

Revaaaaaan, honestly you're like my mother sometimes

. But yes, I've kept you waiting long enough, and I was actually planning on writing my impressions tonight. I also want to write a review for the amazingly awesome new chapter of Blue Pentacle's story which addresses some of the things I talked about before

I also want to help out Weird D - as his unofficial partner in crime, we need to bring out something new

--

Quote:

No, ff.net doesn't allow that but you can post links on your account page.

They used too

I swear to God; back in 2000/2001-ish, I distinctly remember a short time when I saw images in Fanfiction. I don't know how they did it, I don't know why they stopped, but I do remember seeing them.

revan5 · 2010-03-22, 17:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shiek927

Revaaaaaan, honestly you're like my mother sometimes

. But yes, I've kept you waiting long enough, and I was actually planning on writing my impressions tonight. I also want to write a review for the amazingly awesome new chapter of Blue Pentacle's story which addresses some of the things I talked about before

I also want to help out Weird D - as his unofficial partner in crime, we need to bring out something new

Well then Shiek, if I'm your mother, then who is your father, the Jedi Grand Master?

haha-Although seriously, have you seen my female alter ego?
http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs44/f/20...Moonshadow.jpg

I don't know if you'd want to claim that she's your mother Shiek, because if you do, you'd have guys pestering you about her all the time. It's like when one of the guys on my soccer team had a hot mom. I can almost see it now:

You and JB are at soccer practice when he brings up your mother Revan- JB: "Hey guys, have you seen Shiek's mom Revan? She's seriously hot, she's got these cool orange eyes, a sizzling body, and guess what, she's single and uses force lightning!" Shiek: "JB, I'm going to kill you!"

Ah man, those were good times at soccer practice, we used to needle that guy about his mother like hounds chasing their prey. Needless to say Shiek, but be careful who you think your Animesuki mother is. Revan's alter ego is dangerously good-looking!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shiek927

They used too

I swear to God; back in 2000/2001-ish, I distinctly remember a short time when I saw images in Fanfiction. I don't know how they did it, I don't know why they stopped, but I do remember seeing them.

What a shame, having images would have been a great addition to such a site. I'd love to get a cool cover image for a major work. To me it'd just add this amazing authenticity in that you could see the story's cover page as well as read it. It'd be almost like reading the real thing!

Shiek927 · 2010-03-22, 18:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Revan

Well then Shiek, if I'm your mother, then who is your father, the Jedi Grand Master? haha-Although seriously, have you seen my female alter ego?
http://fc09.deviantart.net/fs44/f/20...Moonshadow.jpg

I don't know if you'd want to claim that she's your mother Shiek, because if you do, you'd have guys pestering you about her all the time. It's like when one of the guys on my soccer team had a hot mom. I can almost see it now:

You and JB are at soccer practice when he brings up your mother Revan- JB: "Hey guys, have you seen Shiek's mom Revan? She's seriously hot, she's got these cool orange eyes, a sizzling body, and guess what, she's single and uses force lightning!" Shiek: "JB, I'm going to kill you!"

Ah man, those were good times at soccer practice, we used to needle that guy about his mother like hounds chasing their prey. Needless to say Shiek, but be careful who you think your Animesuki mother is. Revan's alter ego is dangerously good-looking!

Don't worry, because if you're my mother, then Bastilla Shan can be my girlfriend....because good god, she is one gorgeous women

And double-bladed green lightsaber?

Shiek927 · 2010-03-22, 21:27

I get the feeling that they stopped allowing images posted in Fanfiction.net because of the bandwidth and money reasons: as the site was getting bigger and bigger, and more and more people were hopping on the bandwagon, they probably looked at one they could do to save money for more memory and space to accomodate all the new stories and people signing on. On top of that, they probably also figured that, being a writing site, having pictures just wasn't something that should be there, which I can understand.

At any rate...

Claymore New Era

Chapter 5 Part 1

I have to be blunt Revan, there is a huge problem here that really makes it difficult to read this part, as much as this particular one excited me, because we were now getting some new insight from a leading role on what happened in-between canon and your fic: I don’t know who’s perspective this is from. At first it is simple; we read from Miria’s diary, so we all know it’s her. However, once that is over, I’m lost: I can’t tell if it’s Miria or someone else, because there are never any “I”’s, only “she’s”. Is it Miria? Natalie? Mrs.Willems? Someone else? Obviously it’s Miria, but with the way you abuse “she”, it’s hard to tell sometimes. Sometimes, you seem to meld first-person with third-person and that makes it confusing on who’s eyes we are seeing from. I would also make some sort of border or barrier between the diary and the return to the real world. It’s the same with the historical excerpts in the beginning, it’s fine if you don’t want to put any scene changes between paragraphs, but at least between those two situations should be done.

All that said though, again, I really liked this part because of the insight. I think everyone now has a pretty accurate and solid depiction of what happened in the interim period. Josephine and Camilla…so far, I don’t know what to expect, but the reason for the brief strife between them is a bit…um, stupid

. I guess those two are gonna be the new Noel and Sophia.

-----

Part 2
….Well…..scratch that. I honestly didn’t expect you to kill off Josephine so quickly, after knowing her for about less then 5 minutes. Camilla seems to remain as comic-relief, which I’m not really crazy for, because it makes me wonder what happened to Helen. Not that I consider Helen comic-relief, but we always relied on her for laughs on her account, and she seems absent.
The ending got me excited! I’m more and more curious about your growing negative-presentation of Galatea; obviously Miria and her side on the matter is the right one, which is why the take-over next part has me excited. I get the idea that it’s not gonna go down as easily or even work as much as they think, but I guess I’m about to find out. At any rate, while I’m not sure where you are going with these two, they probably will become “friends” again before this is all over.

On a minor note…this was a very very long Part, the longest individual I think.

--------

Part 3
The beginning was kind of….eh. I don’t really know what to think of either Miria or Cid; Miria offering herself to Cid in exchange for his help seems like she’s selling herself, and Cid, though we don’t hear his answer, if he agrees, feels like he’s slimeball for agreeing like that. The conversation is interrupted, but either way, it doesn’t make me look at either of them nicely; you can argue that Miria is only doing this out of necessity and she must use any methods to gain Cid’s aid, but this manipulation is abuse and even though Miria is the strategic kind, and Claymores are trained in various methods to ensure they get what they want, even and including prostitution…I thought even she had her limits. Regardless, neither of them are high in my favor at the moment.

The remainder of the part is pretty straightforward, but Helen’s return and promotion was a delight

. I wish we could have seen more of this improvement that Galk acknowledges; the last I remember seeing her, she getting scolded more and she then sort of disappeared. At least she finally got the promotion she wanted

I’ve also been keeping an eye out for mechanics, and I must say, you’ve been doing a good job with that . They have been improving, and although Part 1 looks like it needs a re-check, you have been steadily improving in that category and it’s noticeable

.

=========

Strange Consorts Chapter 3
Blue Pentacle….it was awesome, incredible, spectacular…yeah, you see where I’m going

. I remember distinctly one of my critiques last chapter being that not much was happening in terms of actual events, that all we were getting, as enjoyable as they were, were thoughts and nothing more. Well, not so with this chapter, we get both. Not only do we get further insight to the tangled mind of Luciella, but we see the effect Raki is beginning to have on her. Memories of her sister, his sheer benevolence, her aching past…or maybe a mixture; but Luciella is changing without her even knowing it, and the bond between the two has been reinforced.

It feels like every critique that I’ve been making is being addressed; borders, a balance of events and insight…some may argue that you overdetail things, that the story still runs on the long side of things, and I still do get the subtle feeling that it’s being stretched out more then it should, but after every that happens, I can’t critique that.

My only true critique is my fear…at the end of the chapter, you say the “end of Part 1”, implying that half of Chapter 3 is yet to be posted. STOP THAT; the chapter is as good as it will ever get the way it is, and as I said, it’s already long enough. Any longer, and it will feel like an entire story in one chapter. I’ve already gotten used to the humongous length of your chapters, but any longer, and it’ll be beyond pushing it.

Without a doubt, the best chapter thus far of your story that you have written

shelter · 2010-03-23, 22:12

Hmm... I was actually planning to write a long review after reading Revan's epic work. Well, I guess we'll have to do with a 'shorter' one - and hopefully it'll be better advice than usual.

Spoiler for Comments on Chapter 1 (Parts 1-4):

For Chapter 1 (Revised Part)

Note: Just only for Chapter 1, without knowledge of your upcoming chapters.

The revisions were very helpful. I can see the improvements, especially to Nathalie & to Renee. Before their dialogue seemed to be a bit out-of-context (esp. Nathalie's cat scene which took me a moment to guess).

1) These 5 characters work pretty well. I never would've thought that Helen would be such an interesting foil to Renee. Renee works as a kind of pseudo-Deneve minus the implied masculinity, to the point that Helen in this 4 parts is more out-of-control than usual.

2) Because Nathalie is the only so-called OC here - or at least the only one who isn't a main character in canon - I felt that you needed to emphasize her more, with the others. Nathalie seems completely outclassed, and most of the time she's doing her own thing with the others commenting. Maybe with all new characters which readers aren't too familiar with, you can try to show how they are part of the larger group first (i.e Nathalie & Miria's opening scene in Part 2 put their relationship on a hierarchy) & then with her own unusual quirks.

3) Pieta is an unusual place for a farming collective. But I'll read more before I post comments on setting.

4) Your "history" abstract about conflict & warring factions is a double-edged sword. Good in that it's a background that gives a lot of familiarity. But if I tried to imagine Chapter 1 without that abstract, there are plenty of instances where dialogue, setting or mood implies a landscape of chaos (e.g Tabitha at Hanse, Willems' comments via Renee, the constant traveling). Not that you're repeating the point, but maybe just something to think about.

I like your story because it is realistic. It's like an uncanny parallel of the world now: everyone fighting, people falling out over some small religious technicality. The main aspect of this story that I hope you'll keep up is its unpredictability, because it's a new take on the postwar universe, that will hopefully avoid an apocalyptic (or myopic) vision that so many writers seem keen on expounding.

Hope that wasn't full of nonsense. Will get down to read the others soon.

Charuru · 2010-03-24, 15:38

You guys familiar with these people: http://eva-st-clare.deviantart.com/gallery/#fic

Well actually I say these people because there seems to be a whole claymore community on deviantart, but there doesn't seem to be a singular link.

jjchopper is another artist I really like, being introduced through the images thread.

Shiek927 · 2010-03-24, 16:30

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charuru

You guys familiar with these people: http://eva-st-clare.deviantart.com/gallery/#fic

Well actually I say these people because there seems to be a whole claymore community on deviantart, but there doesn't seem to be a singular link.

jjchopper is another artist I really like, being introduced through the images thread.

We know who Eva is - probably one of the biggest Raki-haters on the net, for whatever reason

.

We post most of their arts on the image thread.

Charuru · 2010-03-24, 16:57

I'm totally with her, loser fanboy interrupting the yuri joy.

The fics there sure are tasty.

Edit: Anyone know how deviantart works? Is there some sort of system to navigate the stories? There seems to be some AU spanning multiple authors, but no indication of how the pieces fit together.

Shiek927 · 2010-03-24, 17:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charuru

I'm totally with her, loser fanboy interrupting the yuri joy.

The fics there sure are tasty.

Roflmao, a fanboy?

Well...that's....um, that's one insult I've never heard him being called.

Don't know how he's a fanboy though. What is he a fan of?

Nixl · 2010-03-24, 17:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shiek927

Roflmao, a fanboy?

Well...that's....um, that's one insult I've never heard him being called.

Don't know how he's a fanboy though. What is he a fan of?

Oh for a moment I thought he was calling you a loser fanboy, heh. Read that one too quickly.

Yeah, eva can lay on the Raki hate when he/she wants, but it is typically funny.

Edit: Wait I keep rereading the line and...is there some clarification available?

Shiek927 · 2010-03-24, 17:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nixl

Oh for a moment I thought he was calling you a loser fanboy, heh. Read that one too quickly.

Yeah, eva can lay on the Raki hate when he/she wants, but it is typically funny.

It's so weird though, the insults Eva comes up with get worse and funnier each time. What it boils down to is, she upsets that a male is in the story...and that's about it.

"Fanboy" is horrible though

, because it makes it sound like all he wants is an autograph or something...it's just so random, it doesn't even work as an insult

And "yuri"? We have no proof that any of the girls like other girls, anything really is just a fan-thing

.

revan5 · 2010-03-24, 17:28

Alright, that does it, guys, quit smothering the poor authors of the Claymore fanfiction discussion thread with pointless conversations about raki-hating, eva, and your support or opposition to said raki-hating. Go shoot up the Raki discussion thread if you're going to bring that up. The fact of the matter is no one's discussing the hard work of fanfiction authors who have taken the time to write and post in this thread. It's kind of pointless to discuss fanfictions and things related to them that aren't even posted on this thread by the original author, don't you think?

If only for the sake of Blue Pentacle, myself and countless others, please don't smother our posting under a stack of posts not related to fanfiction on this thread. We'd be most grateful if everyone would keep the conversation to Claymore fanfiction discussion thread authors' works and things related to them. I myself will be reviewing Blue Pentacle's 1st chapter later tonight, which I'll edit into this post later.

As for everyone else posting on things not posted by authors to this thread, please stop! I can assure you, force lightning is just as painful now as it was when Darth Sidious used it in RotJ back in 1983! Don't tell me the forum's only Sith Lord didn't warn you when it happens later.
Duh duh dum!

Charuru · 2010-03-24, 17:33

Oh, didn't realize we couldn't discuss fanfics not posted here.

Sorry about that, carry on then.

MisterJB · 2010-03-24, 17:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charuru

Oh, didn't realize we couldn't discuss fanfics not posted here.

Sorry about that, carry on then.

We can but no one was discussing Eva's fanfictions. Just talking about random stuff.

Shiek927 · 2010-03-24, 17:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by MisterJB

We can but no one was discussing Eva's fanfictions. Just talking about random stuff.

Speaking of which...has anybody actually ever READ Eva's fics?

I don't think they've ever been posted anywhere but deviantart, which isn't exactly a place for writing.

Blue Pentacle · 2010-03-24, 20:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shiek927

Spoiler for Reviews:

Hi There,

Shiek927, thank you very, very kindly for your warm and constructive reception; it was not quite what I was expecting and made for a very pleasant suprise, as this story continues

. I am very, very grateful for your compliments and have some hope that the sory is progressing well. I am glad that both Luciela and Raki seem to be progressing in the right direction too; becoming something like friends in the process, and less like hidden predator and oblivious prey.

Also, I do fully appreciate your criticisms too. The length of each chapter, for which I am thankful for your support, I think contains the right degree of story thus far. But, in regards to chp. 3, I make an excpetion to my usual rule as this chapter will mark a special transition in part 2. Not simply for the Abyssal and the boy, but for the greater plot as things will step up a degree; as you will hopefully see, compelling Luciela to consider her choices for the future

.

Again, I am very grateful for all the constructive voices and points raised on the forum and am always receptive to other perspectives too as things go along.

Thanks,

Blue Pentacle.

2010-03-23, 22:12	Link #3749
shelter Every word must conjure Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: City of No Yesterdays	Hmm... I was actually planning to write a long review after reading Revan's epic work. Well, I guess we'll have to do with a 'shorter' one - and hopefully it'll be better advice than usual. Spoiler for Comments on Chapter 1 (Parts 1-4): For Chapter 1 (Revised Part) Note: Just only for Chapter 1, without knowledge of your upcoming chapters. The revisions were very helpful. I can see the improvements, especially to Nathalie & to Renee. Before their dialogue seemed to be a bit out-of-context (esp. Nathalie's cat scene which took me a moment to guess). 1) These 5 characters work pretty well. I never would've thought that Helen would be such an interesting foil to Renee. Renee works as a kind of pseudo-Deneve minus the implied masculinity, to the point that Helen in this 4 parts is more out-of-control than usual. 2) Because Nathalie is the only so-called OC here - or at least the only one who isn't a main character in canon - I felt that you needed to emphasize her more, with the others. Nathalie seems completely outclassed, and most of the time she's doing her own thing with the others commenting. Maybe with all new characters which readers aren't too familiar with, you can try to show how they are part of the larger group first (i.e Nathalie & Miria's opening scene in Part 2 put their relationship on a hierarchy) & then with her own unusual quirks. 3) Pieta is an unusual place for a farming collective. But I'll read more before I post comments on setting. 4) Your "history" abstract about conflict & warring factions is a double-edged sword. Good in that it's a background that gives a lot of familiarity. But if I tried to imagine Chapter 1 without that abstract, there are plenty of instances where dialogue, setting or mood implies a landscape of chaos (e.g Tabitha at Hanse, Willems' comments via Renee, the constant traveling). Not that you're repeating the point, but maybe just something to think about. I like your story because it is realistic. It's like an uncanny parallel of the world now: everyone fighting, people falling out over some small religious technicality. The main aspect of this story that I hope you'll keep up is its unpredictability, because it's a new take on the postwar universe, that will hopefully avoid an apocalyptic (or myopic) vision that so many writers seem keen on expounding. Hope that wasn't full of nonsense. Will get down to read the others soon. __________________ Hikayat Fiction

2010-03-24, 17:28	Link #3756
revan5 Dark Lord of Animesuki Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: The Kingdom of Orange...you can't beat the Cuse, in basketball or snowfall!	Alright, that does it, guys, quit smothering the poor authors of the Claymore fanfiction discussion thread with pointless conversations about raki-hating, eva, and your support or opposition to said raki-hating. Go shoot up the Raki discussion thread if you're going to bring that up. The fact of the matter is no one's discussing the hard work of fanfiction authors who have taken the time to write and post in this thread. It's kind of pointless to discuss fanfictions and things related to them that aren't even posted on this thread by the original author, don't you think? If only for the sake of Blue Pentacle, myself and countless others, please don't smother our posting under a stack of posts not related to fanfiction on this thread. We'd be most grateful if everyone would keep the conversation to Claymore fanfiction discussion thread authors' works and things related to them. I myself will be reviewing Blue Pentacle's 1st chapter later tonight, which I'll edit into this post later. As for everyone else posting on things not posted by authors to this thread, please stop! I can assure you, force lightning is just as painful now as it was when Darth Sidious used it in RotJ back in 1983! Don't tell me the forum's only Sith Lord didn't warn you when it happens later. Duh duh dum! __________________ How the warriors of Claymore OUGHT to look: http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...ostcount=12541 http://forums.animesuki.com/showpost...ostcount=12530 "So Shiek, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb!"

2010-03-22, 16:13	Link #3744
MisterJB Warden of the West Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Casterly Rock	No, ff.net doesn't allow that but you can post links on your account page.

2010-03-22, 21:27	Link #3748
Shiek927 Thread Hijacker Join Date: May 2009 Location: In a hole, I just need to dig myself out	I get the feeling that they stopped allowing images posted in Fanfiction.net because of the bandwidth and money reasons: as the site was getting bigger and bigger, and more and more people were hopping on the bandwagon, they probably looked at one they could do to save money for more memory and space to accomodate all the new stories and people signing on. On top of that, they probably also figured that, being a writing site, having pictures just wasn't something that should be there, which I can understand. At any rate... Claymore New Era Chapter 5 Part 1 I have to be blunt Revan, there is a huge problem here that really makes it difficult to read this part, as much as this particular one excited me, because we were now getting some new insight from a leading role on what happened in-between canon and your fic: I don’t know who’s perspective this is from. At first it is simple; we read from Miria’s diary, so we all know it’s her. However, once that is over, I’m lost: I can’t tell if it’s Miria or someone else, because there are never any “I”’s, only “she’s”. Is it Miria? Natalie? Mrs.Willems? Someone else? Obviously it’s Miria, but with the way you abuse “she”, it’s hard to tell sometimes. Sometimes, you seem to meld first-person with third-person and that makes it confusing on who’s eyes we are seeing from. I would also make some sort of border or barrier between the diary and the return to the real world. It’s the same with the historical excerpts in the beginning, it’s fine if you don’t want to put any scene changes between paragraphs, but at least between those two situations should be done. All that said though, again, I really liked this part because of the insight. I think everyone now has a pretty accurate and solid depiction of what happened in the interim period. Josephine and Camilla…so far, I don’t know what to expect, but the reason for the brief strife between them is a bit…um, stupid . I guess those two are gonna be the new Noel and Sophia. ----- Part 2 ….Well…..scratch that. I honestly didn’t expect you to kill off Josephine so quickly, after knowing her for about less then 5 minutes. Camilla seems to remain as comic-relief, which I’m not really crazy for, because it makes me wonder what happened to Helen. Not that I consider Helen comic-relief, but we always relied on her for laughs on her account, and she seems absent. The ending got me excited! I’m more and more curious about your growing negative-presentation of Galatea; obviously Miria and her side on the matter is the right one, which is why the take-over next part has me excited. I get the idea that it’s not gonna go down as easily or even work as much as they think, but I guess I’m about to find out. At any rate, while I’m not sure where you are going with these two, they probably will become “friends” again before this is all over. On a minor note…this was a very very long Part, the longest individual I think. -------- Part 3 The beginning was kind of….eh. I don’t really know what to think of either Miria or Cid; Miria offering herself to Cid in exchange for his help seems like she’s selling herself, and Cid, though we don’t hear his answer, if he agrees, feels like he’s slimeball for agreeing like that. The conversation is interrupted, but either way, it doesn’t make me look at either of them nicely; you can argue that Miria is only doing this out of necessity and she must use any methods to gain Cid’s aid, but this manipulation is abuse and even though Miria is the strategic kind, and Claymores are trained in various methods to ensure they get what they want, even and including prostitution…I thought even she had her limits. Regardless, neither of them are high in my favor at the moment. The remainder of the part is pretty straightforward, but Helen’s return and promotion was a delight . I wish we could have seen more of this improvement that Galk acknowledges; the last I remember seeing her, she getting scolded more and she then sort of disappeared. At least she finally got the promotion she wanted I’ve also been keeping an eye out for mechanics, and I must say, you’ve been doing a good job with that . They have been improving, and although Part 1 looks like it needs a re-check, you have been steadily improving in that category and it’s noticeable . ========= Strange Consorts Chapter 3 Blue Pentacle….it was awesome, incredible, spectacular…yeah, you see where I’m going . I remember distinctly one of my critiques last chapter being that not much was happening in terms of actual events, that all we were getting, as enjoyable as they were, were thoughts and nothing more. Well, not so with this chapter, we get both. Not only do we get further insight to the tangled mind of Luciella, but we see the effect Raki is beginning to have on her. Memories of her sister, his sheer benevolence, her aching past…or maybe a mixture; but Luciella is changing without her even knowing it, and the bond between the two has been reinforced. It feels like every critique that I’ve been making is being addressed; borders, a balance of events and insight…some may argue that you overdetail things, that the story still runs on the long side of things, and I still do get the subtle feeling that it’s being stretched out more then it should, but after every that happens, I can’t critique that. My only true critique is my fear…at the end of the chapter, you say the “end of Part 1”, implying that half of Chapter 3 is yet to be posted. STOP THAT; the chapter is as good as it will ever get the way it is, and as I said, it’s already long enough. Any longer, and it will feel like an entire story in one chapter. I’ve already gotten used to the humongous length of your chapters, but any longer, and it’ll be beyond pushing it. Without a doubt, the best chapter thus far of your story that you have written

2010-03-24, 15:38	Link #3750
Charuru Member Join Date: Feb 2009	You guys familiar with these people: http://eva-st-clare.deviantart.com/gallery/#fic Well actually I say these people because there seems to be a whole claymore community on deviantart, but there doesn't seem to be a singular link. jjchopper is another artist I really like, being introduced through the images thread.

2010-03-24, 16:57	Link #3752
Charuru Member Join Date: Feb 2009	I'm totally with her, loser fanboy interrupting the yuri joy. The fics there sure are tasty. Edit: Anyone know how deviantart works? Is there some sort of system to navigate the stories? There seems to be some AU spanning multiple authors, but no indication of how the pieces fit together.

2010-03-24, 17:33	Link #3757
Charuru Member Join Date: Feb 2009	Oh, didn't realize we couldn't discuss fanfics not posted here. Sorry about that, carry on then.