Dating

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Godlike1889

We can all just put the blame on the hormones

The whole teenage dating thing is more of a "latest craze" sort of thing in much the same way as Apple releasing a new iPod: basically it's "I want it because they have it and it's cool"

Brutally speaking, entering a relationship for the reason of following sheep is like starting out driving with a monster truck. It's cool, but dangerous, especially if something goes really really really wrong.

When I think about it, it's hard to reason why any teenager should have a relationship with someone else.

Maybe it's this Generation Y thing. We all seem to want to outdo each other, want to be the best at something. The higher you rise in the social ladder, the further you have to fall, and the more likely you'll permanently injure yourself.

[NorthernFallout]

^ You are onto something with Generation Y imo. The abolishment of most privacy and the entry of social medias together with new technology opens for a much more open society Generation Y, and to some extant Generation X, has attached themselves to. They/We share information like never before and hence build up new relationships that might or might not lead to something serious (online/distance). Whether this is a good or bad thing can be discussed, though.

It's also a race online, and offline, to outshine each other, come blogs, school, hobbies or, as you say, relationships. It's everything or nothing, but reputation is kept in high regard. Just so happens a BF/GF is a status item in this era.

But, that's just how I see it. I'm busy with Uni and my hobbies to care about someone else on such a level at this point in time.

[0utf0xZer0]

@Animelover#1:

I don't want to presume to know you, but are you sure it's the lack of romance in your life that's causing your depression? I know geek males often really want girlfriends - I've felt that way myself from time to time - but it seems to me more likely that you're suffering depression due to lack of social connections in general.

All this being said...

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

And for me, I only think there is one person for me, I doubt I could fall in love with just anyone. They would have to have a certain type of personality, and for someone with that personality to like min back - seems second to none chance.

I attended a lot of local anime related events for a few years and met a number of girls without ever really hitting it off with any of them. Then at my last con I met a shy girl who seemed really happy that I recognized the character she was cosplaying. And for some reason I decided pretty much on the spot that I wanted to take my chances with her and asked if she had an e-mail address she wanted the photo I took of her sent to.

I'm not sure how much that really helps since clearly I went through several unfruitful years on the romance front. And hell, it's not like simply finding that girl put me "in the clear" since she's shy and I've had to respect that, but I hope it provides a bit of perspective.

[Animelover#1]

Originally Posted by Harufox

You remind me of me when I was 14-15 years old. Thought I couldn't trust nobody, not even my own parents. Like yours, my dad was always at work, but my mum was hell bent on getting me a good academic record. They split, we all had a massive falling out and I sunk into depression near the end of 2008 where I became withdrawn, unwilling to do work, and even violent towards friends, family and classmates. I'm glad they stuck by me no matter how much I pulled away from them.

Lol, I just thought it funny how you were acting all wise and your saying it happened only last year , but I had another period like this a few years back, didn't go to school for just under a year, went back for another year and then left again now. I left last easter - home education now.

Originally Posted by Mystique

You're freaking 15 years old! xD
Man when i was 16 and out of high school, we were already claiming 'being elderly' and how life was over, lol.
But we knew that Life wasn't gonna get any easier, nor would our responsibilities decrease, that 'free pass' to those worries only is granted once and that's during the first 18 years of your life, or so.

Yeesh when you are in full time education like that, there isn't much else save the hobbies, studying and hanging out with mates.
Life is surprisingly simple by then, you won't get a moment like this the older you are, savour it.

Then again, I grew up in a world in my early teens just before the eve of the internet, so we were outside playing, or on computer games, or as my advice is, join some club activities, get involved with school stuffs.
When you keep yourself busy, given that studies get harder as you get older, you'll see life pass you by. Should the lucky girl come by and you decide to peruse her, then go for it.
In the meantime, solitude is something not to be hated or frowned upon, we are by ourselves for most part and before wanting the company of another, you should be happy and comfy with yourself.

Well for one, if your dad is always at work, but you really wanna talk to him, how about dropping him a note?
Parents sometimes get too caught up merely trying to keep a home on your heads and food on the table that they oversee what issues their kids are going through (or more times than not, kids are good at hiding them and expect their parents to magically divine their feelings)

You want a relationship you say?
Ok, learn how to vocally communicate and begin with your father. I'd say mother too, but I dunno you nor the family situation to make sensible advice, so going for the father. Send him a note or email. Mention that if possible, you'd like to go out somewhere, a cafe, or out to lunch just for an hr or so as you wanna talk about something man-to man.

A relationship sounds lovely just for company's sake, but by no means should you be searching it to merely starve off loneliness.
A partner is as much as human being as your mother, father, siblings or friends. They screw up, they make mistakes, there's more on the line cause it's a love related relationship at stake and people change. Rather the responsibility and work increases a little when undertaking a relationship, so if you have energy and desire to work at that, then you can work on getting involved in other things to benefit you too as well as ‘straighten you out’ so to speak.

Use the calm time as an investment to learning about you and developing your confidence and social skills before devoting your time as one half of a relationship for a long while.
Hope you do get out of the slump. ^^
It begins by not sitting on your butt, nursing the negative feels though~

I think I'm gonna bookmark this post of mine as a certain 14th day is approaching, I see a few single peeps aiming to search for a rope and chair (which they won't pull, but feel tempted to) xD

(in order, top to bottom)
That worries me a little, I don't want to see my life 'pass me by' that sucks ;P

And I don't look down on solitude - it's just I have been in this house - on my own for the best part of 10 months now. I can stomach it but sometimes I just feel sad for apparently no reason.

I don't have that kind of relationship with my dad. I see him maybe 1 hour a day if i'm lucky, he's not at work all the time though - also i'm not socially on that level with him. We have had a rocky relationship, whenever something 'bad' happens in the household he has to take care of it. So if my mum asks him to punish me then i'll take it out on him. He's also very stubborn, and also I get too embarressed to talk about this sort of thing with people. I can only talk about it to people I've never met, seems easier.

And I don't want a relationship to feed my lonliness. It's just something that would pull me out. I want my relationship to be true, I'd take it completely and whole-heartedly serious, although it's impossible to put that into words.

Originally Posted by Harufox

The whole teenage dating thing is more of a "latest craze" sort of thing in much the same way as Apple releasing a new iPod: basically it's "I want it because they have it and it's cool"

Brutally speaking, entering a relationship for the reason of following sheep is like starting out driving with a monster truck. It's cool, but dangerous, especially if something goes really really really wrong.

When I think about it, it's hard to reason why any teenager should have a relationship with someone else.

Maybe it's this Generation Y thing. We all seem to want to outdo each other, want to be the best at something. The higher you rise in the social ladder, the further you have to fall, and the more likely you'll permanently injure yourself.

Where do you come up with these quotes, man! You said at least three quotes here. I am inclined to agree with you completely, with the odd exception. Myself included, however it is granted I would likely have taken relationships not very seriously when I was a little younger. But I know who I want to be now.

And also, sorry RadiantBeam, I couldn't find anything to comment about your post but I'm not rushing and I don't think it's too early. Like you guys said, you never know when your going to hit a relationship, so it's never to early or to late, ya? (within reason) I think it's beneficial to prepare myself for the next card I'm dealt.

[Animelover#1]

Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0

@Animelover#1:

I don't want to presume to know you, but are you sure it's the lack of romance in your life that's causing your depression? I know geek males often really want girlfriends - I've felt that way myself from time to time - but it seems to me more likely that you're suffering depression due to lack of social connections in general.

All this being said...



I attended a lot of local anime related events for a few years and met a number of girls without ever really hitting it off with any of them. Then at my last con I met a shy girl who seemed really happy that I recognized the character she was cosplaying. And for some reason I decided pretty much on the spot that I wanted to take my chances with her and asked if she had an e-mail address she wanted the photo I took of her sent to.

I'm not sure how much that really helps since clearly I went through several unfruitful years on the romance front. And hell, it's not like simply finding that girl put me "in the clear" since she's shy and I've had to respect that, but I hope it provides a bit of perspective.

LOL, don't catagorise me with that although it's not like I just 'want a relationship'. It's impossible to put this into words... sigh... right.
I just 'crave' the relationship, I crave having the house and kids - the chores, the love, the fun days, the sad days, everything. I just.. feel theres a part of me missing, ya? kind of hard to explain, you would have to feel the same things to understand

And you were pretty lucky with that, shy girls = win.
Also, where would I got for an anime convention, I'm in the U.K and have never heard of any over here. Though i've heard of them in japan and america.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

Lol, I just thought it funny how you were acting all wise and your saying it happened only last year , but I had another period like this a few years back, didn't go to school for just under a year, went back for another year and then left again now. I left last easter - home education now.

It happens. Even now I sometimes look at something I do and ask myself,"why am I doing this? What do I gain?"

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

Where do you come up with these quotes, man! You said at least three quotes here. I am inclined to agree with you completely, with the odd exception. Myself included, however it is granted I would likely have taken relationships not very seriously when I was a little younger. But I know who I want to be now.

When your ambitions start pointing towards lawyer, English is a top priority.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

LOL, don't catagorise me with that although it's not like I just 'want a relationship'. It's impossible to put this into words... sigh... right.
I just 'crave' the relationship, I crave having the house and kids - the chores, the love, the fun days, the sad days, everything. I just.. feel theres a part of me missing, ya? kind of hard to explain, you would have to feel the same things to understand

And you were pretty lucky with that, shy girls = win.
Also, where would I got for an anime convention, I'm in the U.K and have never heard of any over here. Though i've heard of them in japan and america.

You can easily google those, but you're too young to go on your own, you'd need a guardian while under 18 by the way
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...United_Kingdom

Wiki only lists two sadly, but there's Minamicon in leciester on march (tickets sell out in 2 days in Oct) and there's Amecon 5 this aug, i better go check the website myself actually >.>

Anyways, dating wise, you've brushed off your father as an option. I know its hard to talk to those closer to you who you get on with so so, but that's how it is sometimes with a partner.
If you drift apart, are you just gonna find someone else to spill your problems to or are you gonna be a man and sit your partner down to seriously discuss things.
You can try with your parents, you never know what'll happen.
But for being at home alone for most part, methinks you need to go out once in a while.
(even if it's just walking around a shopping centre, checking out game stores to hitting the library or park).
Or more over, you should be focusing on GCSE's and 6th form (which is usually a nice new world, compared to high schol) and joining new clubs in there.

Life passing you by is a luxury as long as you're enjoying it. Trust me, there are a million and one things to fufil your life outside of being in a relationship.
The craving is natural but you learn to live with it, rather than let it consume you.
I don't think you'll magically become brave and open when a girl you like comes by your way, if you feel really reserved at present.
Rather, begin by building the confidence from within by yourself.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

And also, sorry RadiantBeam, I couldn't find anything to comment about your post but I'm not rushing and I don't think it's too early. Like you guys said, you never know when your going to hit a relationship, so it's never to early or to late, ya? (within reason) I think it's beneficial to prepare myself for the next card I'm dealt.

Exactly; you never know, so why spend the time stressing over it and letting it depress you? You're just causing yourself a lot of pain and discomfort in the long run by worrying about it now, especially since you're still only fifteen and have all the teenage hormones flowing. I'm speaking from experience here; a lot can change from the time you're fifteen to the time you're, say, eighteen. And I know three years doesn't seem like it'd make much of a difference, but believe me, it does. What I want from a relationship now is completely different from what I wanted from a relationship when I was fifteen.

So again, honestly, don't stress. You're still young, and you have a lot of time. Things change when you're in your teen years; you don't need to panic now or feel depressed about being alone, and honestly, it isn't beneficial at all to wait for "the next card to be dealt" as you put it. Doing that will only put you on edge and make the current situation you're in much worse.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Animelover#1

This time it's my turn, been getting really depressed and lonely recently. I'm just sad a lot of the time. don't know if this has anything to do with it but, this sounds corny, I think that a relationship would straighten me out.

I honestly don't think a relationship is gonna straighten you out in your case. I'm not putting this in a negative way though. You also said to Mystique that you want a relationship just to pull you out of your loneliness not feed it. They kinda sound like the same thing unless you wanna explain more about it. That relationship is going to feed your loneliness first and then it's gonna pull you out or rather you'll pull yourself out of it. What kind of loneliness are you feeling? Are you really yearning for the"right" one or just company?

Right now, i'm lonely and sad. I just thought to myself a few days ago; I play games, I watch anime, I go on forums, and I do work. What the fuck kind of life is that. I really do wish for a relationship, and i'm not a dumbass, I know that by doing nothing i'm not gonna find anything. I just want to run away from my life and find the one who is only for me, I want to have a family with her and live out the rest of my days then die.

Well your last lines sound quite romantic but still it's really not the right time. So you play games, watch anime, go on forums and work. That doesn't sound like a lousy life. Not only that but you still have more room available to add things to your life, doesn't necessarily have to be a serious committed relationship but if you get into one, then you have to be committed. I know you sound pretty sure of yourself but just don't do things you might regret doing too early. And like the others said try focusing on other things.

I'm 15, and this is what I want in my life. Some people tell me i'm far too young to be thinking about this sort of stuff, but I think I've already left it too long. I hear a lot about other people being in relatonships and I get really envious. I also can't let people know how I feel, my dad is always at work and my mum doesn't understand me at all. My siblings have all moved out except one, who I don't talk to about stuff like that.
There's only about two people I can talk to, and thats just for comforting, and this forum. I'm just hoping I can get out of this slump.

You will get out of that slump AT the right time and possibly even soon but not necessarily because of an intimate relationship. But if it's what you want then I can't stop you. Just handing out some advice here

[SaintessHeart]

I came across a very interesting article on Sankaku about dating. It is a worthwhile read if you ignore the other articles on the site.

[Seitsuki]

mm, sankaku isn't exactly the safest place on the net. still beats /b/ tho.
interesting read, and the comments actually start off being pretty intelligent..(!) doesn't last of course

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I came across a very interesting article on Sankaku about dating. It is a worthwhile read if you ignore the other articles on the site.

wha...what?! That's like saying "I've got a girlfriend: she's charming, cute, funny, smart, but she has a cake fetish and I don't like it" (ah, crap. Why do I always sound like I'm making a Clarksonism?). What the hell's up with...I mean, he's got everything going for him, and she's going to give him the flick over some insignificant blot?

Originally Posted by Jason Manford

So I sat back on the couch and thought to meself: "Out of the 2 of them, who needs to reasses their lives?"

I think she does.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Harufox

wha...what?! That's like saying "I've got a girlfriend: she's charming, cute, funny, smart, but she has a cake fetish and I don't like it" (ah, crap. Why do I always sound like I'm making a Clarksonism?). What the hell's up with...I mean, he's got everything going for him, and she's going to give him the flick over some insignificant blot?

IMO women think like that because they have a "proof of virginity" (the hymen) in between their legs. But then again, it is over-exaggerating by reserving her "firsts" for the "one and only".

Dating is like fishing. Not everyone gets a big catch, or even any, on their first.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

IMO women think like that because they have a "proof of virginity" (the hymen) in between their legs. But then again, it is over-exaggerating by reserving her "firsts" for the "one and only".

Dating is like fishing. Not everyone gets a big catch, or even any, on their first.

Obviously I can't speak for all virgins when I say this, but for me at least, it's not so much that I'm "reserving for my first" as it is I haven't found a guy (or a girl; heck, I admit it could easily go both ways) who I care about enough to let them be my first. I know quite well that my first probably won't be my "one and only", I just haven't found someone who means that much to me yet.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Obviously I can't speak for all virgins when I say this, but for me at least, it's not so much that I'm "reserving for my first" as it is I haven't found a guy (or a girl; heck, I admit it could easily go both ways) who I care about enough to let them be my first. I know quite well that my first probably won't be my "one and only", I just haven't found someone who means that much to me yet.

Even though I'm a guy, I feel the same way to a large extent. I'm also a virgin but truth be told, I don't much care about losing it as long as it's with someone that I truly believe I can live with for the rest of my life. The chances of finding someone like that are slim, but when it does happen, I believe the experience will be that much more rewarding.

[Haruka_Kitten]

Originally Posted by Solstice Cross

Maybe i'm being narrow-minded, but meticulous things such as true love takes time.

No, I don't think you're narrow-minded at all. I agree with what you say. Love doesn't always end up in people having sex (although I believe with some people that's an interpretation or a way of showing it).

[Seitsuki]

There was an formula kinda like the Drake equation. Can't remember it now but the maker applied it and it went something like: in his country 40m people, chance of finding meeting a woman who meets all his criteria around 2%, chance of them liking him back burned it down to around 0.4%. So don't go holding your breath for meeting someone utterly perfect for you huh xD

[Kafriel]

for me at least, it's not so much that I'm "reserving for my first" as it is I haven't found a guy (or a girl; heck, I admit it could easily go both ways) who I care about enough to let them be my first. I know quite well that my first probably won't be my "one and only", I just haven't found someone who means that much to me yet.

I'm not bothered enough to say I'm keeping it for anyone or anything...rather, the women I've met so far in my entire life fail to interest me enough to get to that point...except one woman I had fallen in love with but was too shy to confess and is out of my life, but still around me.

[Miko Miko]

*Sighh*

I daren't ask him out.. we are friends, we talk, we have a laugh together but we never see eachother out of school.

I want to ask him out but I am scared. I get really nervous, I've only known him a couple of months but we get along really well and he is the most gorgeous and kind boy ever. And this time he is more my age, he is 15

Any good techiniques, for asking him out but not directly, like not asking that question.. something that wont make me nervous.

[Kafriel]

If you want my advice, ask him out directly...I've read that girls always wait for guys to take the initiative, but some guys (myself included) are gentlemen who insist on "ladies first"