Infinite Stratos Character Creation and Fanfiction Discussion

[StratoSpear]

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

@ Stratospear

Spoiler for Explanation of my review:

Congratulations for the new chapter, however, there's something I had to warn you
1. Copycat Suing
2. Spotlight Stealing

Those two problem often plaguing ANY fiction, and by that, fanfic included. Please read the url so you can understand what I mean. I personally liked your plot, it was pretty original, and the pacing is incredible. Also, I don't think those two problem exist in your fic, until I placed myself as 'ordinary readers', not 'fellow fanfic author'.

Most readers doing their hobby of reading our fic from a specific angle, some can be simple, some can be tricky. The trickier one is hard to impress, but they're more attentive at spotting problems.

The only one thing I don't like form your fic, personally, is this passage

-------
"You pilots stay back and defend her! I'll try and hold this one off until she's done!"
-------

I understand that Inami's intention of saving the guys because he's kind and naive, however, from certain point of view, he also act arrogantly and looking down at other characters ability, leading to problem number 2.

Also, it was CHIFUYU who should take the mantle and command them, you're downplaying her (sucky) commanding ability, which is good, but at the same time doesn't makes sense considering she has highest authority.

(Yeah I knew, her tactical judgment is crazy and stupid, but procedure is procedure right?)

My last advice, DO NOT TAKE THIS if your feelings saw this as not right, this is only advice to broadened your POV, and that you should saw your own story from various angles.

Cool

I'll try and work on it! PM me if you have more details as to how I can improve

Yeah, Inami might've sounded arrongant. But he knows that they were worn out by almost being beaten by the drone squad in the previous chapter.
In a way, he's trying to repay their efforts this time round, telling them to hang back while he does the work.


Then again, most of the canon characters are stubborn anyways, so they'll pretty much head off to help him. (Especially Cecilia)

[MeisterBabylon]

Eras, you've just told all the reasons why that should be the case.

It might be confusing for Irish at first, then once we've had enough facepalms she'd eventually sort it out.

[ZeroXSEED]

Originally Posted by Eratas123

@Zero - I still don't get how Chifuyu would miss the fact that he had 4 jobs and if she did why she didn't do anything. He mentioned in the novel that she nearly beat him up when he proposed he get a job.

Why else Ichika get four job? Because EVERY. SINGLE. OF THEM is failed (except for the model one, it boost the sales of the clothes for obvious reason, but he only did that once anyway).

Ichika stopped thinking about taking part time job after Chifuyu gave an implication that she was the one tampering his work, and will beat him (and Dan) he's persistent of taking one.

Yes, Chifuyu can play subtle if she wanted.

@ Stratospear

That's pretty much what I wanted to tell, the rest is incredible.

[StratoSpear]

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

@ Stratospear

That's pretty much what I wanted to tell, the rest is incredible.

Modified the part abit, right after Inami boosts towards the drone:

Spoiler for Modified:

“Stay back and defend her! I’ll try and hold this one off until she’s done!”


“Inami!” Cecilia calls out to him but to no avail.


“Another reckless pilot… Defensive perimeter, people! Guard Tabane and the Akatsubaki!” Chifuyu commands the Academy pilots as they activate their respective IS units and form a defensive formation around the Akatsubaki, Houki and Tabane, who immediately works on the Akatsubaki’s configurations.


“No worries, it’ll be configured in no time!” claims Tabane as her fingers quickly tap on various buttons in succession on a holographic panel.

[ZeroXSEED]

Originally Posted by StratoSpear

Modified the part abit, right after Inami boosts towards the drone:

Spoiler for Modified:

“Stay back and defend her! I’ll try and hold this one off until she’s done!”


“Inami!” Cecilia calls out to him but to no avail.


“Another reckless pilot… Defensive perimeter, people! Guard Tabane and the Akatsubaki!” Chifuyu commands the Academy pilots as they activate their respective IS units and form a defensive formation around the Akatsubaki, Houki and Tabane, who immediately works on the Akatsubaki’s configurations.


“No worries, it’ll be configured in no time!” claims Tabane as her fingers quickly tap on various buttons in succession on a holographic panel.

That one is better, they need 7 minutes until they can run.

[StratoSpear]

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

That one is better, they need 7 minutes until they can run.

And Inami doesn't know that, he's reaction is gonna be priceless when he finds out how long it took her to configure the Akatsubaki.

[Eratas123]

@ Zero - Xanatos Gambit by Chifuyu? That seems completely in chatacter for her Beware the power of Guan Yu!

@ Meister - Of course once she sorts it out she'll have to deal with a sexually confused teenage shota:P This leads to the talk with Karon asking her if she's a boy because she's flat chested and Yamada says girls get bigger chests when they grow older.

Paparazzi-san from Canada would probably spread a rumor once she hears Maya describing sex to Irish behind a closed door whixh sounds very innuendo filled.

[MeisterBabylon]

That's fine, I'm just very bad at writing fanservice so can't help there.

[DarkJak2050]

Fanfic spotted!

Infinite Harmonics

An Angel Beats and Infinite Stratos crossover.

[Eratas123]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

That's fine, I'm just very bad at writing fanservice so can't help there.

I suck at writing fanservice along with romance so I'm just doing it for some gags. Though Irish will probably act like a douche again once he regains his memory since he usually doesn't act like Maya is his mom (He calls her by last name, never accepts her help and keeps remarking that she acts like a kid) but that's the joy of writing grimdark along with jerkass protagonists, it allows you to give them a lot of character development.

[blitz1/2]

@Zero: It may take a little awhile since this week and next week are my midterm exams.

[MeisterBabylon]

Originally Posted by DarkJak2050

Fanfic spotted!

Infinite Harmonics

An Angel Beats and Infinite Stratos crossover.

Celeste sneezes.

A super soldier can sneeze...?

[Eratas123]

List for people who'll be in "Daydreams of Maidens in Love"

Houki

Cecilia

Rin

Ran

Charlotte

Laura

Tatenashi

Kanzashi

Madoka (Zero's version)

Bonus Chapter: Ushio Nohotoke going on a date with Dan Gotonda, not a daydream.

Anybody have any additions?

[ZeroXSEED]

Originally Posted by blitz1/2

@Zero: It may take a little awhile since this week and next week are my midterm exams.

Take your time pal, I already went straight to the draft

(yep, i'm emulating Eratas' method, having as much draft as possible)

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Bonus Chapter: Ushio Nohotoke going on a date with Dan Gotanda, not a daydream.

THIS MUST HAPPENS!!! also, fixed.

Suggestion: Chifuyu daydream, when she's drunk.

[Eratas123]

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

Take your time pal, I already went straight to the draft

(yep, i'm emulating Eratas' method, having as much draft as possible)



THIS MUST HAPPENS!!! also, fixed.

Suggestion: Chifuyu daydream, when she's drunk.

Chifuyu it is then! How about Maya?

[ZeroXSEED]

Originally Posted by Eratas123

Chifuyu it is then! How about Maya?

Why not? but yoru workload must be increased then .

[Eratas123]

Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED

Why not? but yoru workload must be increased then .

These are only about a thousand words each anyway so it's not that big a deal.
I'm even tempted to put in OC's like Karon and <Ren> but I don't think I'd get away with it Think I should put one for Karon and Irish here?

[ZeroXSEED]

Originally Posted by Eratas123

These are only about a thousand words each anyway so it's not that big a deal.
I'm even tempted to put in OC's like Karon and <Ren> but I don't think I'd get away with it Think I should put one for Karon and Irish here?

WHy not, as long as you didn't post it in FF.net because it's very spoileriffic, I don't think meister will mind.

[MeisterBabylon]

You can't spoil a person who plans ahead of time.

[Eratas123]

Karon x Irish will be posted then! In true Jerkass fashion it'll start with Irish attacking Karon AGAIN before getting his ass handed to him on a silver platter.