The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[Jintor]

Originally Posted by Discreet

And Now I Have No Idea What's Going On!!!

Why No Capslock!!!

Forum feature. If you post all in caps, the message will just capitalise the first letters of each word.

The way to get around it is to just post like one single lower-case letter.

You probably shouldn't be running on Cruise Control anyway though.

[Kang Seung Jae]

Originally Posted by Jintor

You're Beanbag now, sucker! ABUSE OF EDITORIAL POWER #ONE: ABILITY TO RENAME UNDERLINGS AT WILL!

I suppose I'm above you, correct?

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae

I suppose I'm above you, correct?

Yours is a unique position. Editors and writers can't touch you. Protector of Kyon-chan indeed.

[lotus7]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

Someone shop Haruki's yellow headband/headphones onto a image of Hosaka, and post it up here for us to see how it looks.

Only a quick few seconds so i know it looks crap, but anyway... i think i'll call him hosaki.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by lotus7

Only a quick few seconds so i know it looks crap, but anyway... i think i'll call him hosaki.

OMG, it's Haruki in the flesh!!!

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by lotus7

Only a quick few seconds so i know it looks crap, but anyway... i think i'll call him hosaki.

Suave GAR. Indeed I do think that Haruki needs some of that.

[Kang Seung Jae]

Originally Posted by DJ_RockmanX

Yours is a unique position. Editors and writers can't touch you. Protector of Kyon-chan indeed.

Understood.

*Commencing data interface disconnection of several undesirable elements*

[Ithekro]

Well with Hosaka you get a veteran Haruhi voice attached....Ono Daisuke. So that works in having experiance in the field of Haruhi and perexisting song material (though for Itsuki). Plus you get disturbingly great laugh.

KyonxKyonko is Derailing the thread a bit. Hosaka-ish Haruki might bring us back.

[Kagedanji]

WARNING. What you're about to see is a giant, near-unreadable wall of text that I posted during a moment of stupidity and exhaustion from editing this excerpt from the novel. Not only is it unspaced, but I also left numerous mistakes in here, read Beanbrews edit intead, which is much better.

Better yet, read the two-part version below which I made myself as a remake of this.

Spoiler for I warned you above.:

The next day after school, we underwent what Haruki liked to dub, "special training" using the guys in the room next door as our imaginary enemies, even though we were only fighting NPCs.
Officially it's called SOS-Dan Battle Preparations, it's just another excuse for playing video games. Now allow me to explain in detail the game which the Computer Study Group has developed...Sigh...
<The Day of Sagittarius 3>
That's the ridiculous name of this game software. It would sound cool to any regular gamer at first, but then you get the feeling of how ridiculous indeed it really sounds. Never mind, names don't really matter here, what matters is the software itself. If I didn't say that, then the SOS-Dan would lose its meaning of existence. When it comes to meaningless names and non-existent founding principles, I don't think any organization out there can best our brigade. Anyway, since it's the third installment of the series, that means the game has two earlier versions as well...Even though it most likely doesn't, because truthfully, even I, a girl who doesn't even play electronic games, thought this looked like a piece of crap.
But before getting into that, let us delve into the background story for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>.
The year is unknown, all we know is that it's set in the far distant future. Humans have expanded outwards into space and have occupied a sizeable portion of the galaxy already. This is basically a galactic-scale space battle set in a solar system. Two space powers have bickered with each other over border conflicts, as neither side is willing to back down, a war has been waged. For simplicity's sake, one side is called the <Computer Group Federation>, and the other the <SOS Empire>. As for the story, basically both powers, both possessing massive starfleets, have thrown all their military might into this endless war for a long time, and ends when one side is totally annihilated and the credits roll. Diplomatic and strategic commands don't exist in this game as they get in the way of battle, this completely suits Haruki's preferred mode of battle.
Getting to why this is such crap, the opening screen is pitch black, the blue dots flashing at the bottom of the screen are the fleet that's controlled by us. The indicators are in the shape of little isosceles triangles. There are five of them in total, lined up in a row. This is the total force of the <SOS Empire> under Haruhi's command. One triangle represents 15,000 star destroyers. So there're a total of 75,000 vessels. Each fleet is escorted by a small number of supply vessels. The conditions for victory are to command these vessels and annihilate the enemy, which also have the same number of vessels. But this time the rules are a bit different, and that is to destroy the enemy's commanding fleet - for us it would be the Computer Group president's fleet, while for them it would be Haruki's <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>. Regardless of the losses sustained or the number of enemy vessels destroyed, if one side's commanding fleet is destroyed, then the battle is over. Simple. Too simple for my tastes, as this looks more like a basic concept of the final product.
We're each allocated one fleet per person, and we can only control the fleet allocated to us. So no matter how unreasonable Haruki gets, there's no way he can interfere with anyone's notebook computer, most importantly my notebook computer. He'd probably be more comfortable with his expensive high preformance desktop anyway.
One of the supposedly new features of this game is its reconnaisance function. If we don't use this function, there's no way we can know what space debris awaits us ahead, let alone track the enemy's position. So if we wanted to move our fleet but are afraid of colliding with any unidentified objects, we would have to send out intelligence vessels to scout the area ahead and wait for them to return before we can analyze the situation ahead. That's about the most complex part of the game.
The visibility radius for each fleet is only a few centimeters, on the computer screen at least, if we were to move without scouting ahead, then we run the risk of being attacked from an unknown direction, and not even knowing where the enemy is.
On the other hand, the intelligence collected by individual fleets is shared between all allies, at least that's what I think, it's most likely correct. For example, the whole fleet can receive information on what Nagato's fleet and her surveillance vessels have detected. In other words, even if I sit back and not do anything, I can still see the map slowly expand to reveal the positions of various planets, asteroid belts and enemy vessels...Though everything but the vessels even appears at all. That's crap for you.
Despite this, the whole battle map still looks very vast. So being able to swiftly detect the enemy's position becomes very important as it's the key to victory.
There are two weapons available. Lasers and missiles. Lasers can hit any enemy vessels that enter its range. Missiles are much slower, but they have a homing device attached. So it's impossible to dodge them. In order to survive, one must shoot them down.
Summing it up, this is an Atari-esque two-dimensional space battle simulator. As this battle simulator is real-time and not turn-based, if one were to play in a relaxed manner, they would be wiped out by the enemy in no time, so it's kind of tricky here.



Facing the imminent battle ahead, we entered gaming mode the whole week. Only Haruki sat at his commander desk using the desktop computer, while the remaining four of us had to stare at the notebook computers on the long table, constantly clicking our mice. Looks like this surreal scene is going to be part of the SOS-Dan's activities for some time. We first practiced against the computer, and even though we had the difficulty set to "VERY EASY", it still took us three days to score our first victory. Our progress in gaming skills is just as fast as slowly drilling through the earth's crust with an electric drill.
"Man! I got hit again! This game is driving me crazy!"
It wasn't just Haruki, even I was extremely annoyed at getting such a score against the computer. But this had nothing to do with the computer difficulty, but rather due to someone who kept impatiently charging his fleet gung-ho into enemy lines and getting annihilated.
"We're going to have to rework our strategy."
I moved my eyes away from the screen, which was showing the words "GAME OVER" with melancholic music. And every time this would happen, Haruki would respond valiantly,
"WHO THE FUCK DOES IT THINK I AM?!"
As if the piece of crap cares who you are...Bakayarou.
"We'd better reallocate the stat attributes for each of our fleets, especially your commanding fleet."
There are three adjustable attributes for each fleet, "Speed", "Defense", and "Attack". Each player starts with 100 points, and these points are allocated to the above three attributes at the beginning of the game. Like "Speed 30," "Defense 40," and "Attack 30." Haruhi kept adjusting her fleet to "Speed 50," "Defense 0," and "Attack 50." As a result, the hull armor on her vessels were as thin as paper. I really wanted to tell that bastard, "Haruki, to be honest, you suck ass at this." That idiot just wants to rush in and sink the enemy. Even with me and Koizumi trying to shield him, if his commanding fleet gets wiped out as a result, then there won't be a starfleet for him to command, much less for anyone else to command as it's instant defeat.
"I can't take this anymore! This is so troublesome! What's so fun about this game? Can't it be more simple?"
Despite complaining, Haruki still decided to restart the game. The screen on my notebook computer once again shows the crude logo for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>.
Haruhi cheerfully clicked her mouse and said, "It would be better if this was a role-playing game. They would play the evil Anti-S****l, while I'd be the Fated Hero. It'd be great if we got straight to a boss battle right after the crappy opening movie. I've always wondered, why do these bosses always hide in the huge dungeons? Wouldn't it be better for them to appear right at the beginning? I'd certainly do that if I were the Lord G****e, leader of the Anti-S****ls. That way, the Hero wouldn't need to waste his time wandering around in the dungeon, and the story could come to an end quickly, and he'd unlock all of the secret H content."
I ignored Haruki's insane ramblings, and looked at what the other members sitting in a row were doing. Sitting nearest to Haruhi is the Advising Officer Koizumi, followed by me and Asahina, while Nagato sat furthest away.
"This game really is hard to play. Maybe it's because I'm not too familiar with video games. The controls are easy, but the commands can get very tricky."
Koizumi commented in her usual way and gave the same smile as when she was playing Othello. On the other hand, Asahina, who still wore his degrading maid costume even though it was not necessary for this occasion, said,
"Ehhh~. I just can't move this as I want it to. This game is set in space, but why are our movements limited to the second dimension?"
He asked such a basic question, while amateurishly moving his mouse.
I can understand the concerns of these two members, but I was totally mystified by the remaining member.
"......"
Nagato Yuuki looked at the screen intently with his hand on his chin like a mathematician trying to solve a highly advanced math problem. He was the first to get used to the game; unaffected by Haruhi's fleet charging blindly, it was thanks to her precise command of her fleet that we were able to score our first and only victory.
Of course I took precautions. During lunch break I asked him not to use any tricks like magic or data manipulation. Nagato stared at me for a few seconds, then silently nodded his head. The burden on my shoulders instantly lightened a lot. Thanks to this, I was able to take on this game without any worries. If we really do beat the Computer Group, then it must be a mistake on their part. It's only natural for humans to make mistakes. Yup, I've even prepared excuses to shirk off any responsibilities.
All that's left is to formulate a strategy where we can give the enemy a run for their money, then come up with a tragic script where all our efforts end in vain. Oh yes, I must remember to burn Asahina's secret photo album onto a CD-ROM as well. So damn hot...Eh?! Uh, forget what I said.



The week passed by like the tumultuous autumn weather, the fated day has finally arrived. I never usually pray like this...God help us.
Haruki led us to our seats in the Literature Club room and we waited for the battle to commence. The Computer Study Group also stood by in their club room, staring at their monitors, which were counting down the seconds before the battle began.
Before the battle begins, the screen shows the stats for each fleet. It's actually just the names and what types of vessels each fleet has. The fleets' vessel counts and positions were classified.
Starting with the commanding fleet, the Computer Group's fleet names were <Teppelin>, <Thylimph>, <Adiane>, <Cytomander>, and <Guame> respectively.
Even the names sound so revolting, though familiar, I have the impression that they had a lot of free time on their hands making up such names. However, it seems I wasn't the only one who wasn't interested in how they come up with their names.
"How annoying! I can't even pronounce that crap! From the right side we'll just call them Enemies A, B, C, D, and E. The commanding fleet is A."
Haruki swiftly gave the enemy fleet their new names, and completely discarded the egotistical sounding names. Speaking of which, if you could do that, why not change the name for my <Kyon Fleet> as well?
"The battle's about to begin. Everyone listen up, we must take the initiative, this is only the beginning. Our enemy is not only the Computer Group. Only by total annihilation of the enemy can the reputation of the SOS-Dan be spread all over the galaxy! Sooner or later, I'll contact the Education Ministry and have them set up branches for the SOS-Dan in various public schools nationwide. Just ambition alone is not enough, you need to learn to ask for a more well done piece of steak!"
I wonder what everyone here thinks of Haruki's megalomaniacal delusions. Koizumi flicked the loose muscles on his chin with his thumb; Asahina tucked the sleeves of his maid uniform; I pretended do some deep breathing and sighed deeply; while Nagato's brows lowered with seriousness.
"Forget it. It's not like we'll lose anyway. I forbid you to show mercy on them! Showing mercy to the opponent is the biggest insult to them! If you want to fight, give it your all!"
I've always wondered, what is the raw ingredient for this confidence? How I wish he would share some with me, even two milligrams of it would do. Wait, did just say this out lou-
"-Really? Then let me accomodate you!"
I don't know what was going on in Haruki's head, as he began staring intently at me in a weird way, giving me chills. I seemed to blush a bit as well.
"Don't look at me like that so seriously. No matter how long you look, there's no way I can give you a lucky tarot card."
And so, we looked into each other's eyes for up to ten seconds, in the end I couldn't stand it anymore and moved my eyes away first.
At this moment,
"Well? You feeling better now?"
Haruki gave a victorious smile. I didn't know that sort of staring game can raise one's spirits.
"What? I only mentally transferred a fraction of my almighty power to you! Don't you feel all warm right now? You should be sweating now, right? Use it well or there will be punishment! Next time, I think I'll do that to anyone who looks depressed!"
"I beg you, please don't stare at people like that in front of others anymore, because my mind has misinterpreted Haruki's intention to channel his energy into me as an intention to plot something against me.
"The battle will commence soon."
Hearing Koizumi's enthusiastic voice, my vision returned to the computer screen. Asahina looked nervously at his own screen as he began to mutter to herself,
"......W...what now? I don't think I'm ready......"
"Don't worry, it's just a game. No one's really going to die. Even if there are casualties, it'll just be the command screen."
This time, let us pray that Haruki won't end up throwing all the computers out of the window in anger once we lose.



1600 hours.
The marching tune signaled the commencement of the battle for the computer's ownership.
At first, the <SOS Empire> starfleet had devised the following strategy.
<Yuuki Fleet> would take the vanguard position, with the <Koizumi Fleet> and <Kyon Fleet> behind covering the sides. Much further behind would be the <Mitsuru Fleet> and <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>.
......That's it, really.
Upon being asked to send surveillance vessels to scout the area, Haruki simply replied, "No time for that in the heat of battle!" since he's only interested in charging forward and destroying the enemy. It was a fact that she wasn't going to be of much help even before the two fleets had clashed.
"Don't believe in yourselves! Believe in me who somewhat believes in you all!"
I got totally nothing out of that statement. Asahina was of even less help than Haruki, so we allocated all the supply vessels to her fleet. Hence the triangle indicating the <Mikuru Fleet> was slightly larger than the others, and as a result, her movement was much slower. I gave him a clear instruction, "If you are discovered, hurry up and get away." I believed that to be the most suitable action for him.
Besides, Haruki's fleet attributes have now been set to "Speed 20," "Defense 60," "Attack 20." This was mainly due to the fact that if Haruhi's fleet gets destroyed, we would lose the battle, so raising her defenses became a priority. Fighting in the front lines, Nagato, Koizumi and my fleets were all given even attributes of "Speed 33", "Defense 33", "Attack 34". It was arranged this way because we had intended for Haruki to stay behind while we buy time for him. But in no time, the situation has now become like what was described in the beginning of this story.
Right now, as I had mentioned to everyone in the beginning, the simulation battle between the Computer Study Group and the SOS Brigade is imminent.
"All right then, I'll retreat to the back first while you take care of the enemy. Mitsuru-kun, let's sit back and watch the show."
"Ah......al...alright then......"
Sitting to my right, Asahina nodded his head obediently, then said in his usual feminine voice which I was strangely allured by,
"Good luck to you, Kyon-chan."
That was really an effective motivational call. If the commanding fleet was the <Mitsuru Fleet>, then I would block all the missiles that came his way, without hesitation. Yet I had to be in charge of protecting that tyrannic despot. If I were a feudal lord with a sizeable military force of my own, I would definitely turn against him, imprison him, and torture him with friendly fire. Sadly, this game doesn't provide a "Mutiny" option. Oh well, I'll just have to do my best and take on the enemy ahead.



1615 hours.
Nagato suddenly began typing fast on the keyboard. He was so fast, it was hard to see with the naked eye, literally. It looked as though He regarded the mouse to be too inconvenient...Almost as if she was some insane pro gamer. I don't know when she began, but Nagato had created her own Macro program for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>, allowing her to command her fleet more directly through the keyboard. Thanks to this, the bravery and tenacity of the <Yuuki Fleet> was certainly an eye-opener. Its ferociousness in battle could probably match that of V***l of the Beastmen Kingdom under Lord G****e's rule. Unfortunately, they were easily defeated by a bunch of undergrounders who had a galaxy-sized weapon. We sure need one of those.
The only fleets engaged in battle for our side were the <Yuuki Fleet>, <Koizumi Fleet> and <Kyon Fleet>. The enemy had four fleets engaging us, save their commanding fleet <Teppelin> (Enemy A) which was hidden. From all the past battles, we have learned one basic lesson: the outcome is usually decided by the numbers of both sides. Being three against four, our chances of uncorking the champagne bottle to celebrate were very slim. Our chances would hardly increase even if we threw Haruki's and Asahina's fleets into the front line. If we did that, it would just make the enemy's work of destroying us all at once much easier.
"The enemy seems to be luring us with a crane wing formation."
Advising Officer Koizumi whispered to me,
"If we chase them, we'll fall right into their trap. I suggest we stay put and concentrate on our defenses, what do you think?"
It's useless telling me, I think it's a good idea, but of course, what matters is Haruki's opinion.
Besides......
I looked over Asahina's shoulders and at Intelligence Officer Nagato's face.
I don't know what the reason was, but Nagato was surprisingly more proactive than usual. His face was as blank as always, yet, since the battle began, his eyes had been fixed on the screen, and the vessels of the <Yuuki Fleet> were already in active battle. What inner emotion of Nagato's had <The Day of Sagittarius 3> triggered?
"Analysis" - Nagato hadn't been lying when he said that. This emotionless alien-created living humanoid interface has now fully understood the Computer Study Group's self-developed game like the back of his hand. He probably knows the game better than its original creators, emergent gameplay. As long as she is here, all computers created by modern Earth civilizations are like antique clocks made before the Industrial Revolution for her, and can be dealt with easily.
Yet, Nagato's pupils have gone from his usual glowless obsidian black to a glittering chromed silver color. I was beginning to miss his old self......But I have to admit, he's the first pro gamer to turn me on like this. Maybe he should stay this way.
Showing an energy never seen before, Nagato continued typing on the keyboard, with swift motions. His eyes were moving around the screen, never stopping once. She had discarded the Graphical User Interface for the game and had opened a small window of her own, where she insanely keyed in her commands nonstop.
"......"
The <Yuki Fleet> moved swiftly, constantly sending out surveillance vessels which worked hard searching for the enemy fleet's position. We now knew that ahead of our empire's fleet lay <Enemy B> and <Enemy C>. Nagato engaged them both on the front line, all on her own. I'd better go and help him, I can't just stay behind and watch.
Just as I was about to move, the <Kyon Fleet> got showered by a rain of lasers from its side.
"What the...!?" I exclaimed.
"Ah...damn! Haha." Koizumi shouted as well.
I looked carefully and noticed that the <Koizumi Fleet> was under heavy bombardment on its port side. <Enemy D> and <Enemy E> had suddenly come out of nowhere and attacked us both left and right. In no time, the vessel count for the <Kyon Fleet> had dramatically decreased.
"What the hell are you doing!?"
Haruki yelled at me using a yellow loudspeaker he seemingly pulled out of nowhere.
"Now go retaliate properly for me! Show them what we've got!"
I'd do that even without your reminding. These guys sure are gaming professionals, to be able to sneak through Nagato's surveillance network, but we can't go on getting beat like this.
I gave the command for the <Kyon Fleet> to change directions. At once the entire fleet turned 90 degrees to the right. Then, when I had locked down the enemy within my shooting range, I fired...... but, just as I tried to do that, <Enemy E> quickly turned around and disappeared into the darkness of space. Now that pissed me off, and I sent out surveillance vessels to scout for his position, but I could not find a single enemy vessel.
"Damn, they got away."
It seems like they have employed a hit-and-run strategy using fleets with high "Speed" attributes. <Enemy D>, which was attacking the port side of the <Koizumi Fleet> also took its cue and disappeared without a trace. Now I get it, Enemies <B> and <C>, which were engaged in battle with the <Yuki Fleet>, were diversions, while their main forces were <D> and <E>. In that case, their commanding fleet, <Enemy A> doesn't even have to fight and can hide safely in the depths of the galaxy. That seems to be their overall strategy.
"Wah~~......I'm getting out of here like you said Kyon!"
Despite his clumsy movements, Asahina had precisely steered his fleet to the corner of the screen. Though he was a bit too far away to be able to provide supplies to our fleet's depleting defenses. Even then, at this rate, our fleet would be wiped out before we would even have to worry about running out of energy and missile supplies. The <Computer Group Federation> had seized the initiative.
From then on, like wild dogs returning constantly to the scent of a sweet bone, <Enemy D> and <Enemy E> continued to harass the <Kyon Fleet> and <Koizumi Fleet> with their hit-and-run tactics. Every time we gave chase, they would release their homing missiles and disappear without a trace. We were currently struggling to deal with these frustrating tactics. Slowly depleting our strength while avoiding a one-on-one showdown is the sort of tactic that Haruki hates most.
On the other hand, fighting on its own, the <Yuuki Fleet> has tactically evaded the wave attacks of <Enemy B> and <Enemy C>, and provided us with some much needed relief. If it hadn't been for his fleet, we would already be floating in the virtual galaxy as space debris. Even if we should lose this battle, he should at least get an award for bravery.
"......"
Nagato didn't even look like she was breathing as she stared into his screen; never once did his hands stop typing on the keyboard. I bet the girls from the Computer Group were looking surprised as well, since I was surprised myself.
Has Nagato been infected with Haruki's unyielding attitude?



1630 hours.
The situation has now gone from bad to worse.
Realizing that the <Yuuki Fleet> wasn't easy to deal with, only <Enemy B> stayed behind to take on Nagato. With the exception of the their commanding fleet <Enemy A>, whose whereabouts were still unknown, the remaining three fleets have now begun a well-timed wave attack on us from our left and right. I was impressed with how well Enemies <C>, <D>, and <E> were coordinated, when <C> was targeted, <D> would come out to attack; and when we gave chase to <D>, <E> would fire its lasers at us. Dealing with their diversionary hide and seek methods, I had the impression I was taking on seasoned professionals and was certainly not enjoying it at all. I really wanted to ask them to not push too far, but when I remembered this battle concerns the fate of a few computers, I sort of sympathized with them.
Yet our situation was not optimistic at all. Like I said before, our chances of losing were near 90%, but I had wanted to lose in blazing glory. At least allow our ships to sink gloriously in the midst of all the glittering explosions. I mean, can't you give us the feeling that "we lost, but that sure was fun, and we did our best"?
But look at this! We're now dying a slow and ignominious death!
"GODDAMMIT! I can't take this any longer!"
I should say this was expected, Haruki now gave his commanding fleet a simple command.
"All fleets full speed ahead! Kyon, get out of my way! I'm going to find their leader and beat the crap out of her before returning victoriously!"
As the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> wanted to speed past the <Kyon Fleet> and <Koizumi Fleet>, we both quickly surrounded her fleet in a fish like formation.
"What are you doing!? Koizumi-chan, are you trying to stop me from destroying the enemy as well? I order you to back off at once, or you'll be relieved of your duty as Advising Officer!"
"I certainly do not intend to get in your way, Commander."
Koizumi may have said that, but she had no intention of giving the command to move his fleet off.
"Commander, please allow us to take charge of this situation. I am willing to risk my virgin body in protecting Your Excellency to the very last moment. As for my punishment, I'll let Your Excellency decide that once the battle is over."
"Uh...Yeah! That's right."
I decided to help Koizumi.
"If you really want to raise our chances of winning, then stay put. Besides, we still haven't found their commanding fleet."
"That's why I have to go search! She should be around here......" He pointed at a spot on his screen, though we of course couldn't see anything from our seats. "......According to my divine prediction, he is here! I'm going to go there in a straight line, and then have a one-on-one battle between us leaders!"
I don't know where he's headed, but I fear that before he gets there, the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> will become like a beehive that gets attacked by a bear before its winter hibernation.
Haruki now clutched his mouse and ordered his fleet to charge forward as though trying to pick a fight with someone.
"That's why staying put isn't going to help a lot! ...What is this!? Well, your <Kyon Fleet> just keeps letting the enemy run away! And your forces are depleting as well! Looks like I need to move out after all!"

I commanded my own fleet and blocked the path of the commanding fleet, Koizumi did the same thing without saying a word. Perhaps realizing the situation we were in, the three <Computer Group Federation> fleets continued their hit-and-run tactics, while Asahina's <Mitsuru Fleet> was now lost in some unknown corner of the galaxy.
"W...where is this place? Oh man~~. I can't even tell left from right anymore......"
Sitting to my right, Asahina continuously looked into his screen and mine. He might as well have been close to tears as he said,
"Where is everybody......"
I'm so sorry. Please just wander wherever you like and continue to be a lost child. It's for your own good. Goddamn cute.
Thanks to the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> getting stuck on the backside of the <Kyon Fleet>, I was unable to move and have basically became a meat shield for Haruhi's fleet. Wave after wave of attack has made my fleet's triangle indicator shrink smaller and smaller.
"Out of my way!"
I couldn't even if I wanted to. The ungrateful <Koizumi Fleet> had already dodged aside before Haruki rammed his fleet into mine, pretending to be busy engaging with <Enemy D>, while leaving the troublesome task of stopping Haruki to me.
I tried my best to move my fleet, which was now merged with the <Grand Emperor Fleet> and clicked my mouse frantically, trying to drag it to a suitable spot on the screen. The ever shrinking triangle representing the <Kyon Fleet> now changed direction at a snail's pace. But as snails move very slowly, my fleet was constantly being locked on to and hit by enemy lasers and missiles.
This is it, we're done for. Make it quick, please.
Even if I had to raise the white flag, I was left with no choice. Please try to understand, our commander was simply too dumb, even if we had a very slim chance of winning. I think I should have deserted him already before the battle began. No matter what the situation, if the leader isn't calm, then there's no way an organization can work efficiently. I may not know the details, but hasn't it always been like that?
As I continued to bicker with Haruki both in the real world and the virtual world, the most far-sighted and calmest member of the SOS-Dan continued to battle on.
......That's what I thought at first.
I later realized that wasn't the case, because the member sitting farthest away on the long table suddenly increased the speed of his fingers, so fast that if I didn't record it with a high-speed camera and play it in super slow motion, it would be nearly impossible to see clearly what was going on.
Being frustrated to the point of losing his cool had always been Haruki's privilege. But this time, this rule may not be entirely accurate.
Right now, the one showing more passion than anyone of us here is none other than the pride of the SOS Brigade, the knowledgeable Intelligence Officer, bookworm and original Literature Club member......
"......"
Nagato Yuuki.



1635 hours.
"EH!?"
An unbelievable scene unfolded before my eyes, and I gave a foolish yell as a result.
"What the hell just happened?"
The visible areas in the map of the <SOS Empire> have now expanded to three times their previous size. The positions of Enemies <C>, <D> and <E>, which kept appearing and disappearing, can now be clearly seen. One of them was on the left wing preparing to fire lasers at Koizumi's fleet; another moved off and turned around again, preparing to make its next attack; while the third one had the immobile <Kyon Fleet> and <Commander Haruhi Fleet> locked in its firing range. As for why the enemies' position could be clearly seen, this was because......
The <Yuuki Fleet> had divided itself into twenty fleets.
"How clever Nagato-kun!"
Koizumi's praises sounded empty to me.
"As expected from Nagato-san to notice this feature. I had thought of using it as well, but as it was too complicated, I gave up before even trying."
"Wait, Koizumi," I said, "Is this feature even in the instruction manual?"
"Hehe...Well of course! It's right at the back. You want me to teach you? First hold down the Ctrl and F4 key, then decide the number of fleets you want your fleet divided into......"
"...Shut up."
I once again examined the screen.
The triangle representing the <Yuuki Fleet> had shrunk dramatically as if being shone on by some strange light. Replacing it were twenty small triangles of equal sizes. I moved my mouse cursor over one of the small triangles, and it indicated the words <Yuuki Subfleet 12>.
Subfleet?
Of the little triangles labeled 01 to 20, some continued to engage themselves with <Enemy B>, some sneaked past the gaps in the enemies' defenses to scout the unknown areas of space, while others either flew around or came to support the struggling <Kyon Fleet>.
"Koizumi, would you please care to explain...Seriously this time?"
"Well......this function allows you to divide a single fleet into two or more subfleets and give them separate commands. The most you can divide into is twenty-seven, if I remember correctly. That's what the instruction manual said."
"What're the advantages in doing that?"
"As you have seen, the area being scouted would increase, it's like having twenty extra pairs of eyes. Besides this feature, another advantage is that by dividing your fleet, you could have one subfleet act as bait while the other can sneak behind and ambush the enemy. But this feature seems to be too complicated, which is why even the Computer Study Group didn't use it."
Koizumi leaned his face towards me and said in a voice which Haruhi couldn't hear,
"This is because these multiple subfleets can only be controlled by one player. Because when you concentrate on one single subfleet, it's not possible to look after the other subfleets, which would basically be immobile puppets. It simply is impossible for a human to command twenty or more subfleets."
I imagined the horrified looking faces of the people next door, and then turned my head sideways.
"Hey, Naga......"
The sound of Nagato hitting the keyboard no longer gave the usual clattering noise, but now sounded like all the keys were being slammed at the same time.
"U...um......won't you break the keyboard if you hit it so hard......?"
Asahina asked looking terrified at Nagato, but Nagato didn't even look at him. His eyes were fixed on the screen, which was no longer showing the game graphics, but a black background with a bunch of letters, numbers and symbols, which reminded me of those BIOS interface screens from the computers of the dinosaur age. What's more, the words and symbols were scrolling by at an incredible speed.
"Something the matter, Kyon?"
Nagato asked me without even turning his head.
"......Um, I......"
"Na, Nagato-kun? May I ask what you're doing right now?"
I now felt an invisible pressure emanating from the aura of Nagato's slamming of the keyboard. Even my mutterings were now becoming polite.
I reconfirmed what I saw on my screen, the twenty <Yuuki Subfleets> were like animated tea leaves being granted with life, toying around with the enemy. There was no problem with the game interface...... no, wait a minute, hadn't I specifically told her not to cheat?
"I didn't do anything against your request."
Nagato said, not needing to hear what I was going to say. For the first time he turned and looked at me, while his hands, amazingly, remained busy as usual.
"I did not perform any data manipulation. I have obeyed the rules of the game as you told me to."
As if afraid of being scanned by Nagato's vision, Asahina inadvertently backed off. Nagato's eyes were now staring straight into mine.
"I did not carry out any actions beyond the limits of this simulation game."
"I...I see. Sorry for doubting you."
I felt a terrible aura now rising from his short hair.
Yet, Nagato's expression and gaze remained the same, not carrying any emotions at all. Normally, he would reply in a calm tone, "I see." And then fall into silence. But this time he gave me an unexpected reply.
A very shocking reply indeed.
"It is the members of the Computer Study Group whose actions could be considered as cheating, not mine."



At the same time, Haruki's fleet broke through the protective barrier of the <Kyon Fleet>.
"Too slow! Why is it so slow? Would it be faster if I poured some mineral water over the computer?"
She may have been complaining, but Haruki couldn't hide his childish excitement at finally being able to move.
I leaned forward over Asahina and quietly asked Nagato,
"What do you mean when you said they're cheating?"
Without stopping her high speed typing, Nagato replied without any emotion,
"They are using commands not present on our computers, giving them an advantage over this virtual galactic battlefield."
"What commands?"
Nagato fell silent for a while, as if trying to reorganize his thoughts and blinked,
"Their reconnaisance mode is turned off."
After saying this, she then explained further in a calm tone.
According to Nagato, the Computer Study Group had set their battle mode with "Reconnaisance Mode Off" at the beginning of the battle, while we had no such option available to us. But I still don't understand what the difference was between "On" and "Off". What does it mean really?
"When recon mode is turned on, the players would have to scout the area ahead on their own. When it's off, they wouldn't need to do any searching. They have nullified it for themselves, rendering it obsolete."
Erm......could you please elaborate further?
"When the mode is off, the fog of war is not implemented."
In other words......
"From the beginning, they could see the whole map of the galaxy, including the location of all of our fleets."
For Nagato, that was the simplest, most straightforward way of explaining it.
"That is not all."
The alien-created living humanoid interface continued without smiling...After he finished,
"So, the vessels of the <Computer Group Federation> even have teleportation devices built into them. No wonder they could disappear at will. The <SOS Empire> is at least 500 years behind them technologically. It's like the samurai infantry of the Sengoku period facing off against the Self-Defense Force artillery. There's just no way of winning.
"That is correct."
Nagato also confirmed what we already knew,
"Besides losing, we didn't have any other choice."
Didn't? Nagato was using past tense. So, what about now? When I was hoping she would change to present tense, I noticed Nagato's obsidian eyes revealing a stirring emotion I had not seen before. I sat back upright and said,
"But Nagato, I still hope to continue playing this game without the use of any alien powers. I know those guys are cheating, but that is also why we mustn't resort to cheating with magic as well, or we would be no different from them. No, we would be worse then they're, since your magic isn't even within the bounds of this Earth."
"I will not go against your instructions."
Nagato replied immediately,
"I was trying to rewrite the program under the boundaries of current Earth technology. I promise you, I will not manipulate any existing data information. I will take measures to counter the Computer Study Group within the limits of human ability. Please allow me to do that."
Are you asking me?
"The one who placed a limit on my data manipulation abilities is you."
......
I've known this guy for nearly half a year already. During this time, I've noticed beneath his emotionless face that he was experiencing some very minor emotional changes - that is if he had any emotions - but I do have a certain degree of confidence in this. At that moment, I saw revealed on Nagato's pale face, in microscopic proportions, a very determined look.
Asahina looked at me, terrified. Koizumi also looked at me, but with a smile of course. Only Haruki was shouting something, firing away her lasers and missiles. At this rate she'll run out of ammo and will be surrounded by enemies. There isn't much time for me to decide.
How should I decide? ......I hesitated for a few seconds, it's rare for Nagato to be so passionate. I think this is the first time I've ever seen him like this. I was considering whether this was a good thing or not. He may be a living humanoid interface created by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, that resembles a human in every way, but as with the most perfect artificial intelligence, there may come a day where even he would desire to be human himself.
Never once did I believe that this wasn't a good thing.
"Alright, Nagato-kun. Go ahead and do it."
I gave an encouraging smile and slapped my chest to reassure her...Ow...for once I'm greatful to be behind my female peers in growth,
"As long as it's within the confines of human ability, then you're welcome to do whatever you please. Give those dishonorable girls at the Computer Group the scare of their lives. If you can scare them into not daring to ever demand compensation from us again, which is what Haruki would like to see, even better."
Nagato stared at me for quite a long time - at least for me it felt like a long time.
"I see."
A simple response later, Nagato hit the Enter key. Just like that, the tables were instantly turned in our favor.



1647 hours.
The cunning trap has now been laid.
Though the sudden change in situation had me speechless, my level of astonishment was merely that of a rookie Shaolin monk who has just begun his training; it was nothing compared with that of the Computer Study Group, who were probably now in total pandemonium as if Wall Street had just crashed.
This was all thanks to Nagato's cloning techniques. I was really grateful that Nagato was on the same side as I was. I even thought of buying one or two presents to thank our mighty god of war, Nagato. Maybe I'll get him an interesting book next time. Speaking of which, when is his birthday?
No matter, we can discuss those details later. For now let us return to the present situation.
As if the players' fears were being manifested in the virtual world, the enemy fleets on the screen all stopped moving one by one.
It seems Nagato has hacked into the Computer Group's five computers using his notebook computer and directly rewritten the program for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>. Don't ask me how he did it, how should I know? I may not have understood that part, but I was sure what his sole objective was, and that was to forcefully turn on the reconnaisance mode for the enemy as well. As a result, the visible map of the <Computer Group Federation> would have shrunk dramatically, and the shrouded areas on their screen would be increasing as well. Before that, they had had no need to send out any surveillance vessels, and in fact they have never done so, according to our Intelligence Officer.
After locking the enemies' search mode into the "On" position, Nagato went further and rewrote the game's source code and had it locked as well. Now no one else was able to change the code besides himself. However, he didn't delete the teleportation function, but instead made some minor adjustments and executed these changes. This was part of a little plan that Nagato had thought up.
She did all of the above while commanding her twenty subfleets at the same time, and without using any mysterious alien powers to boot. Even within the boundaries of human ability, she was already exceptional.
"Excellent, now comes our chance for retaliation."
Koizumi carried a happy smile and commented on the current situation on the screen,
"Please have a look here, Enemies <C> and <D> have been intercepted by the various <Yuuki Subfleets>, and have lost track of our positions. <Enemy E> is currently engaged in combat with us. As for <Enemy B>, he will soon enter the firing range of the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>."
"Enemy sighted!"
Haruki's excited yell was proof of Koizumi's accurate commentary.
"Muda muda muda muda MUDA MUDA MUDAAA!"
Haruki continued to yell like a maniac, his forehead nearly hitting the screen.
The <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> has been released from its sealed state and is now firing on all cylinders, releasing all its lasers and missiles and charging towards the enemy. The terrified <Enemy B> quickly turned around and tried to escape, but my <Kyon Fleet> was already waiting for it.
"Oh no you don't!"
I moved my finger and clicked, releasing all the lasers I had at <Enemy B>.
"Damn it Kyon! That's my prey! Back off!"
Attacked from both sides, the fleet size of <Enemy B> was quickly decimated. The indicator for <Enemy B> then made a small buzzing noise and began to blow up like fireworks, marking its farewell from the screen.
Looking for her next prey, Haruhi now moved her mobile weapon discharging fleet to the side of <Enemy E>. Already struggling with Koizumi's fleet, <Enemy E> now had to take on two fleets, and its vessel count decreased dramatically.
Now in a desperate situation, <Enemy E> finally decided to throw all honor out of the window, and for the first time used the hidden command only they know of in front of the <SOS Empire> starfleet.
"Hey! It's disappearing! THOSE COWARDS!"
Haruki shouted, I knew the moment had finally come. Under heavy bombardment from both ends, <Enemy E> began to slowly disappear from its spot.
That was its teleportation function. Though strictly speaking, it should be called something else, since there's no such thing as teleportation in this day and age.
However, they had fallen straight into Nagato's elaborate trap.
"Huh? Something else's coming out this time."
When Haruhi asked that question, I had already stopped what I was doing.
"Haaah?"
Asahina made his cute scream, blinking his eyes and staring at his screen.
"Kyon-chan, what I was controlling, I don't know where it went......"
<Enemy E> wasn't the only one being teleported. With the exception of the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>, which remained in its original spot, all other fleets on both camps have now undergone spatial transportation.
This is because Nagato had rewritten the program, translated as: "Once the Computer Group utilizes the teleport option, then with the exception of the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>, all fleets from both camps will be forcefully teleported. After teleportation, they would appear at their designated spots."
This is called "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." Only that our cheating was much more subtle.
Right now, I guess the chaos in the room next door should be even greater than when their recon mode was forcefully turned on. Because appearing on my screen was the enemy's commanding fleet <Enemy A> (originally called T-E something) making its first ever appearance. I confirmed its location and shrugged my shoulders,
"I guess this is what they call karma."
The Computer Group president's <Enemy A> was now right in front of the <Grand Emperor Haruhi Fleet>. Right behind it was the <Mitsuru Fleet>, which had also been teleported, and was unscathed. Its starboard was now being targeted by the <Koizumi Fleet>, which had been teleported a few inches, targeting its left was now the recombined <Yuki Fleet>, and hanging around nearby was the nearly obsolete <Kyon Fleet>, which had shrunk a lot from its original size. As for the other fleets of the Computer Group, they were now scattered across the four corners of the galaxy. Even if they rushed back at full speed, there was nothing they could do to help.
And so, <Enemy A> was now completely surrounded by the entire fleet of the <SOS Empire> and had no means of escape.
"I don't know what the hell's going on, but......"
Haruki now revealed a very exhilarated look and raised his fist,
"All forces fire at will! PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH YOUR LASERS!"
Under his energetic command, Haruki, Koizumi, Nagato and I all emptied our fleets' weaponry at the same time. Even Asahina, who shuddered at the cold voice of Nagato going, "Fire," frantically made his first ever attack of the day on the surrounded <Enemy A>.
"I'm so sorry......" Asahina said.
The Computer Study Group president was completely taken by surprise. She probably had wanted to hide in a safe spot to enjoy the show, only to first have everyone's recon mode forcefully turned on, and then get suddenly transported right in the middle of the enemy fleet to die.
"Sigh......"
I quickly withheld the words I was about to say. Koizumi gave me a cheeky smile. I'm going to pretend I didn't see that.
I turned again to my screen, the president's <Enemy A> fleet was now being showered by lasers and missiles, like a capsized turtle struggling to move around. Well......she pretty much deserved it. They were the ones who cheated first. Though later on we cheated even more thanks to Nagato Yuuki, so we weren't qualified to criticize him too much.
Nagato never stopped keying the firing commands into her keyboard. The vessel count of <Enemy A> was decreasing at the same rate as our ammo count. Finally the <Yuuki Fleet> fired a laser beam with an error margin of a few decimal points and decimated the remaining few enemy vessels with perfect precision. That was the last thing the enemy fleet saw before meeting its demise.
A light marching tune began to play, and the flashing words on our screens signaled that the battle had finally ended.
"YOU WIN!"

[Jintor]

MAJESTIC EDITJOB OF HEAVEN'S WRATH: THRICE EDITED VERSION, GET!

(Part two of Part Three of Chapter Two, Volume One, Version... Four. Not Fanon just yet.)

Spoiler for tl;dr:

"Follow me!" he ordered to me and Asahina-senpai as he dashed off out of the room. We found him about two doors down the corridor from us, outside the doorway that led into the Computer Club's room.

I see.

"Hold this."

Haruki handed me an instant camera as he stuffed a magazine into his pocket.

"Listen carefully, Kyon! I'm going to tell you the plan, and you've got to stick to it no matter what! There might only be one chance, one single window of opportunity!"

He bent down towards me and whispered his 'plan' in my ear.

"What!? No way! You can't do that!"

"It'll be fine!"

Fine for you, maybe. "But... Asahina-senpai-"

"Silence!"

Great. Just great. I glanced towards a puzzled Asahina-senpai and tried to make eye-contact, to warn him about Haruki's insane plot. You're better off not seeing this! But as I blinked my eyes furiously, Asahina-senpai looked at me surprised, and began to blush. Oh, no, he got the wrong idea completely!

Just as I was about to open my mouth and just tell Asahina-senpai what was about to happen, Haruki had already barged straight into the Computer Club Room.

"What's up, people?! We've come to collect a computer!"

The layout of the room was similar, but the room itself seemed a lot smaller. A large number of monitors and PC cases were placed neatly on the uniformly spaced tables. The low whirring of cooling fans resonated through the room. The five girls who had been clattering away at their keyboards all turned their heads towards the entrance, to the guy who had just entered the room.

"Who's in charge here?" Haruki demanded, a smile on his face. One of the girls stood up.

"I'm the President of the Computer Club. Can I, ah, help you?"

"Do I really need to repeat myself? Give us a computer!"

The nameless Computer Club President flashed an expression of pure "WTF MATE What The Hell?" for a second and violently shook his head. "No way! We don't get enough school funding, so these computers were all bought out of our own hard-earned cash! We can't just give them out to people for free! Do you think we're idiots?"

"One can't hurt! You've got loads of computers!"

"Now, look here- hang on, who the heck are you people, anyway?"

Haruki puffed up his chest. "Suzumiya Haruki, Supremely Manly Commander of the SOS Brigade! These are my subordinates, Number One and Number Two!"

Urgh... the idiot's deciding things all on his own again!

"I command you in the name of the SOS Brigade. Hand over a computer at once! No grumbling, no excuses!" Haruki demanded again. The Computer Club President shook her head.

"I have no idea who you guys are, but there's no way you're getting one of our PCs! Go buy your own!"

"Hah!" Haruki snorted.

"If you're of that mind... well... we have our ways of ensuring co-operation."

His eyes blazed with confidence. I had a baaad feeling about this.

Haruki moved slowly towards the President and - before anybody else could react - grabbed her hands with lightning speed and shoved the magazine into them.

"Kyyaaaa-!" the President yelled, her face completely red. She probably thought she was being molested.

Click!

At the sound of her screaming, I clicked the camera shutter. Great, now I'm an accessory to blackmail.

Haruki grinned at the President as she slowly realised what it was that she was holding; a Boy's Love Porno magazine with an extremely explicit cover. She blushed even harder as she stared, stupefied, at it and Haruki shouted at me again.

"Kyon! One more picture!"

I reluctantly clicked the shutter button again. Asahina-senpai, forgive me.

"WHA- WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

The President flung the magazine back at Haruki, who caught it with one hand and waggled his finger elegantly in the President's bright red face.

"Uh-uh-uh! We've now got photographic evidence as to your possession of extremely illegal pornographic materials! Now... if you don't want these pics 'mysteriously' spread around the school tomorrow, hand over a PC!"

"T-that's ridiculous!" the President objected furiously. I really felt sorry for her. "You forced that into my hands! I'm completely innocent this time! In fact, I've got a case here for sexual harrassment"

"Oh really? Where's your proof?"

I turned to look at Asahina-senpai, standing speechless at the sight.. Guess he must have been so shocked that he'd been totally drained of energy. Meanwhile, the nameless President continued to attempt to resist.

"Th-The other members of the Club are all witnesses to my innocence! You attacked me!"

The other four members who had been standing dumbstruck around the room all nodded their heads vehemently.

"That's right!"

"Our President is innocent!"

If Haruki had listened to you, then, well, he wouldn't be Haruki. "I'll just say all of you girls were hoarding porn in the clubroom and on the computers. A one-way ticket to expulsion alley, don't you think?"

You could have heard a pin drop.

"But-but- Suzumiya-san! T-that's n-not what happene-"

Haruki lightly kicked off Asahina-san, who was clinging desperately to his legs, and haughtily puffed up his chest. "So? What's it gonna be? You gonna hand over a computer... or not?"

The President's face, which had gone from normal, to red, to white over this ordeal, finally turned ashen. She had been defeated.

"J... J... Just pick one and get out!" she managed to snarl, before collapsing dejectedly into a chair. The other members rushed over.

"President!"

"Are you okay?"

"It’s going to be alright, Prez!"

The President's head drooped like a marionette with its strings cut. I may have been an accomplice in this little travesty, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for the broken figure in the chair.

"Which one's the newest model?" asked Haruki. That's enough! You're too cold-blooded!

"Wh-Why should we tell you?!"

Haruki simply pointed at me and my camera. The entire club shuddered as one.

"D-Damnit! That one!"

After examining the brand name and model number of the PC the President had indicated, Haruki took a piece of paper out of his blazer pocket.

"I went to the computer store yesterday and had an employee show me all the latest models" he announced. "This wasn't one of them."

How far ahead had he had everything planned out? This is getting freaking scary.

After inspecting every other computer, Haruki finally pointed towards one of them. "Give us this one."

The President's face blanched. "H-Hold it! We only bought that one last month!"

"Camera."

"... T-take it, you thieves!"

We are indeed thieves. I cannot deny it.

Haruki's greed truly knew no bounds. After disconnecting all the cables and wires, he demanded that the monitor and every other little thing be moved to the Literature Club room and reconnected. He even had the Computer Club members run a LAN cable between our room and their room, and connect us to the school's domain on top of that, so that he could use the Internet! He's no better than a common criminal!

"Senpai...."

Asahina-senpai had broken down in tears, helpless; he was kneeling on the ground, covering his face and sobbing.

"Let's just go back for now, OK?" I said gently. He sniffled a bit as I helped him back up. Haruki, you idiot, didn't you say you were going to make Asahina-senpai more manly? Not turn him into a nervous wreck! As I tried to comfort Asahina-senpai, I wondered what on earth Haruki wanted a PC for.

Well, I wold find out soon enough.

HMmm. I hate to say this, but without the abuse-of-Mikuru Mitsuuru scene, this scene doesn't really work as well. I think I prefer my original editjob.

EDIT: Jebus Kagedanji add some damnable spaces! Walloftext much? D:

Originally Posted by Kang Seung Jae

Understood.

*Commencing data interface disconnection of several undesirable elements*

Sorry kid. I have narrative causality on my side! You can't touch me! Only Kaisos and Rockman can deal damage to me atm.

Go get the Phantom Sword, then we'll talk.

[unmoldedtruck]

Originally Posted by Ithekro

Well with Hosaka you get a veteran Haruhi voice attached....Ono Daisuke. So that works in having experiance in the field of Haruhi and perexisting song material (though for Itsuki). Plus you get disturbingly great laugh.

KyonxKyonko is Derailing the thread a bit. Hosaka-ish Haruki might bring us back.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! My moe brother-complexing Kyonko!!!!
________
hash honey oil

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Ithekro

Well with Hosaka you get a veteran Haruhi voice attached....Ono Daisuke. So that works in having experiance in the field of Haruhi and perexisting song material (though for Itsuki). Plus you get disturbingly great laugh.

KyonxKyonko is Derailing the thread a bit. Hosaka-ish Haruki might bring us back.

The gayest-sounding voice in the original SHnY becomes the GARest-sounding voice in the genderbend. Oh, the irony.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

The gayest-sounding voice in the original SHnY becomes the GARest-sounding voice in the genderbend. Oh, the irony.

Question though: Can Ono D. do hot blooded?

[unmoldedtruck]

Originally Posted by Kagedanji

Holy crap that was long and slow torture...I fiished it, Gurren Lagann references and all, but only a few. Actually, even for such a ridiculously long portion of the original text I took in, I didn't do much special editing to it. Please read the whole thing, because hidden in there are all of the references and joke I thought of. I'm not even saving it, or taking the time to space it all out.

Spoiler for SUPREME TL;DR:

The next day after school, we underwent what Haruki liked to dub, "special training" using the guys in the room next door as our imaginary enemies, even though we were only fighting NPCs.
Officially it's called SOS-Dan Battle Preparations, it's just another excuse for playing video games. Now allow me to explain in detail the game which the Computer Study Group has developed...Sigh...
<The Day of Sagittarius 3>
That's the ridiculous name of this game software. It would sound cool to any regular gamer at first, but then you get the feeling of how ridiculous indeed it really sounds. Never mind, names don't really matter here, what matters is the software itself. If I didn't say that, then the SOS-Dan would lose its meaning of existence. When it comes to meaningless names and non-existent founding principles, I don't think any organization out there can best our brigade. Anyway, since it's the third installment of the series, that means the game has two earlier versions as well...Even though it most likely doesn't, because truthfully, even I, a girl who doesn't even play electronic games, thought this looked like a piece of crap.
But before getting into that, let us delve into the background story for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>.
The year is unknown, all we know is that it's set in the far distant future. Humans have expanded outwards into space and have occupied a sizeable portion of the galaxy already. This is basically a galactic-scale space battle set in a solar system. Two space powers have bickered with each other over border conflicts, as neither side is willing to back down, a war has been waged. For simplicity's sake, one side is called the <Computer Group Federation>, and the other the <SOS Empire>. As for the story, basically both powers, both possessing massive starfleets, have thrown all their military might into this endless war for a long time, and ends when one side is totally annihilated and the credits roll. Diplomatic and strategic commands don't exist in this game as they get in the way of battle, this completely suits Haruki's preferred mode of battle.
Getting to why this is such crap, the opening screen is pitch black, the blue dots flashing at the bottom of the screen are the fleet that's controlled by us. The indicators are in the shape of little isosceles triangles. There are five of them in total, lined up in a row. This is the total force of the <SOS Empire> under Haruhi's command. One triangle represents 15,000 star destroyers. So there're a total of 75,000 vessels. Each fleet is escorted by a small number of supply vessels. The conditions for victory are to command these vessels and annihilate the enemy, which also have the same number of vessels. But this time the rules are a bit different, and that is to destroy the enemy's commanding fleet - for us it would be the Computer Group president's fleet, while for them it would be Haruki's <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>. Regardless of the losses sustained or the number of enemy vessels destroyed, if one side's commanding fleet is destroyed, then the battle is over. Simple. Too simple for my tastes, as this looks more like a basic concept of the final product.
We're each allocated one fleet per person, and we can only control the fleet allocated to us. So no matter how unreasonable Haruki gets, there's no way he can interfere with anyone's notebook computer, most importantly my notebook computer. He'd probably be more comfortable with his expensive high preformance desktop anyway.
One of the supposedly new features of this game is its reconnaisance function. If we don't use this function, there's no way we can know what space debris awaits us ahead, let alone track the enemy's position. So if we wanted to move our fleet but are afraid of colliding with any unidentified objects, we would have to send out intelligence vessels to scout the area ahead and wait for them to return before we can analyze the situation ahead. That's about the most complex part of the game.
The visibility radius for each fleet is only a few centimeters, on the computer screen at least, if we were to move without scouting ahead, then we run the risk of being attacked from an unknown direction, and not even knowing where the enemy is.
On the other hand, the intelligence collected by individual fleets is shared between all allies, at least that's what I think, it's most likely correct. For example, the whole fleet can receive information on what Nagato's fleet and her surveillance vessels have detected. In other words, even if I sit back and not do anything, I can still see the map slowly expand to reveal the positions of various planets, asteroid belts and enemy vessels...Though everything but the vessels even appears at all. That's crap for you.
Despite this, the whole battle map still looks very vast. So being able to swiftly detect the enemy's position becomes very important as it's the key to victory.
There are two weapons available. Lasers and missiles. Lasers can hit any enemy vessels that enter its range. Missiles are much slower, but they have a homing device attached. So it's impossible to dodge them. In order to survive, one must shoot them down.
Summing it up, this is an Atari-esque two-dimensional space battle simulator. As this battle simulator is real-time and not turn-based, if one were to play in a relaxed manner, they would be wiped out by the enemy in no time, so it's kind of tricky here.



Facing the imminent battle ahead, we entered gaming mode the whole week. Only Haruki sat at his commander desk using the desktop computer, while the remaining four of us had to stare at the notebook computers on the long table, constantly clicking our mice. Looks like this surreal scene is going to be part of the SOS-Dan's activities for some time. We first practiced against the computer, and even though we had the difficulty set to "VERY EASY", it still took us three days to score our first victory. Our progress in gaming skills is just as fast as slowly drilling through the earth's crust with an electric drill.
"Man! I got hit again! This game is driving me crazy!"
It wasn't just Haruki, even I was extremely annoyed at getting such a score against the computer. But this had nothing to do with the computer difficulty, but rather due to someone who kept impatiently charging his fleet gung-ho into enemy lines and getting annihilated.
"We're going to have to rework our strategy."
I moved my eyes away from the screen, which was showing the words "GAME OVER" with melancholic music. And every time this would happen, Haruki would respond valiantly,
"WHO THE FUCK DOES IT THINK I AM?!"
As if the piece of crap cares who you are...Bakayarou.
"We'd better reallocate the stat attributes for each of our fleets, especially your commanding fleet."
There are three adjustable attributes for each fleet, "Speed", "Defense", and "Attack". Each player starts with 100 points, and these points are allocated to the above three attributes at the beginning of the game. Like "Speed 30," "Defense 40," and "Attack 30." Haruhi kept adjusting her fleet to "Speed 50," "Defense 0," and "Attack 50." As a result, the hull armor on her vessels were as thin as paper. I really wanted to tell that bastard, "Haruki, to be honest, you suck ass at this." That idiot just wants to rush in and sink the enemy. Even with me and Koizumi trying to shield him, if his commanding fleet gets wiped out as a result, then there won't be a starfleet for him to command, much less for anyone else to command as it's instant defeat.
"I can't take this anymore! This is so troublesome! What's so fun about this game? Can't it be more simple?"
Despite complaining, Haruki still decided to restart the game. The screen on my notebook computer once again shows the crude logo for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>.
Haruhi cheerfully clicked her mouse and said, "It would be better if this was a role-playing game. They would play the evil Anti-S****l, while I'd be the Fated Hero. It'd be great if we got straight to a boss battle right after the crappy opening movie. I've always wondered, why do these bosses always hide in the huge dungeons? Wouldn't it be better for them to appear right at the beginning? I'd certainly do that if I were the Lord G****e, leader of the Anti-S****ls. That way, the Hero wouldn't need to waste his time wandering around in the dungeon, and the story could come to an end quickly, and he'd unlock all of the secret H content."
I ignored Haruki's insane ramblings, and looked at what the other members sitting in a row were doing. Sitting nearest to Haruhi is the Advising Officer Koizumi, followed by me and Asahina, while Nagato sat furthest away.
"This game really is hard to play. Maybe it's because I'm not too familiar with video games. The controls are easy, but the commands can get very tricky."
Koizumi commented in her usual way and gave the same smile as when she was playing Othello. On the other hand, Asahina, who still wore his degrading maid costume even though it was not necessary for this occasion, said,
"Ehhh~. I just can't move this as I want it to. This game is set in space, but why are our movements limited to the second dimension?"
He asked such a basic question, while amateurishly moving his mouse.
I can understand the concerns of these two members, but I was totally mystified by the remaining member.
"......"
Nagato Yuuki looked at the screen intently with his hand on his chin like a mathematician trying to solve a highly advanced math problem. He was the first to get used to the game; unaffected by Haruhi's fleet charging blindly, it was thanks to her precise command of her fleet that we were able to score our first and only victory.
Of course I took precautions. During lunch break I asked him not to use any tricks like magic or data manipulation. Nagato stared at me for a few seconds, then silently nodded his head. The burden on my shoulders instantly lightened a lot. Thanks to this, I was able to take on this game without any worries. If we really do beat the Computer Group, then it must be a mistake on their part. It's only natural for humans to make mistakes. Yup, I've even prepared excuses to shirk off any responsibilities.
All that's left is to formulate a strategy where we can give the enemy a run for their money, then come up with a tragic script where all our efforts end in vain. Oh yes, I must remember to burn Asahina's secret photo album onto a CD-ROM as well. So damn hot...Eh?! Uh, forget what I said.



The week passed by like the tumultuous autumn weather, the fated day has finally arrived. I never usually pray like this...God help us.
Haruki led us to our seats in the Literature Club room and we waited for the battle to commence. The Computer Study Group also stood by in their club room, staring at their monitors, which were counting down the seconds before the battle began.
Before the battle begins, the screen shows the stats for each fleet. It's actually just the names and what types of vessels each fleet has. The fleets' vessel counts and positions were classified.
Starting with the commanding fleet, the Computer Group's fleet names were <Teppelin>, <Thylimph>, <Adiane>, <Cytomander>, and <Guame> respectively.
Even the names sound so revolting, though familiar, I have the impression that they had a lot of free time on their hands making up such names. However, it seems I wasn't the only one who wasn't interested in how they come up with their names.
"How annoying! I can't even pronounce that crap! From the right side we'll just call them Enemies A, B, C, D, and E. The commanding fleet is A."
Haruki swiftly gave the enemy fleet their new names, and completely discarded the egotistical sounding names. Speaking of which, if you could do that, why not change the name for my <Kyon Fleet> as well?
"The battle's about to begin. Everyone listen up, we must take the initiative, this is only the beginning. Our enemy is not only the Computer Group. Only by total annihilation of the enemy can the reputation of the SOS-Dan be spread all over the galaxy! Sooner or later, I'll contact the Education Ministry and have them set up branches for the SOS-Dan in various public schools nationwide. Just ambition alone is not enough, you need to learn to ask for a more well done piece of steak!"
I wonder what everyone here thinks of Haruki's megalomaniacal delusions. Koizumi flicked the loose muscles on his chin with his thumb; Asahina tucked the sleeves of his maid uniform; I pretended do some deep breathing and sighed deeply; while Nagato's brows lowered with seriousness.
"Forget it. It's not like we'll lose anyway. I forbid you to show mercy on them! Showing mercy to the opponent is the biggest insult to them! If you want to fight, give it your all!"
I've always wondered, what is the raw ingredient for this confidence? How I wish he would share some with me, even two milligrams of it would do. Wait, did just say this out lou-
"-Really? Then let me accomodate you!"
I don't know what was going on in Haruki's head, as he began staring intently at me in a weird way, giving me chills. I seemed to blush a bit as well.
"Don't look at me like that so seriously. No matter how long you look, there's no way I can give you a lucky tarot card."
And so, we looked into each other's eyes for up to ten seconds, in the end I couldn't stand it anymore and moved my eyes away first.
At this moment,
"Well? You feeling better now?"
Haruki gave a victorious smile. I didn't know that sort of staring game can raise one's spirits.
"What? I only mentally transferred a fraction of my almighty power to you! Don't you feel all warm right now? You should be sweating now, right? Use it well or there will be punishment! Next time, I think I'll do that to anyone who looks depressed!"
"I beg you, please don't stare at people like that in front of others anymore, because my mind has misinterpreted Haruki's intention to channel his energy into me as an intention to plot something against me.
"The battle will commence soon."
Hearing Koizumi's enthusiastic voice, my vision returned to the computer screen. Asahina looked nervously at his own screen as he began to mutter to herself,
"......W...what now? I don't think I'm ready......"
"Don't worry, it's just a game. No one's really going to die. Even if there are casualties, it'll just be the command screen."
This time, let us pray that Haruki won't end up throwing all the computers out of the window in anger once we lose.



1600 hours.
The marching tune signaled the commencement of the battle for the computer's ownership.
At first, the <SOS Empire> starfleet had devised the following strategy.
<Yuuki Fleet> would take the vanguard position, with the <Koizumi Fleet> and <Kyon Fleet> behind covering the sides. Much further behind would be the <Mitsuru Fleet> and <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>.
......That's it, really.
Upon being asked to send surveillance vessels to scout the area, Haruki simply replied, "No time for that in the heat of battle!" since he's only interested in charging forward and destroying the enemy. It was a fact that she wasn't going to be of much help even before the two fleets had clashed.
"Don't believe in yourselves! Believe in me who somewhat believes in you all!"
I got totally nothing out of that statement. Asahina was of even less help than Haruki, so we allocated all the supply vessels to her fleet. Hence the triangle indicating the <Mikuru Fleet> was slightly larger than the others, and as a result, her movement was much slower. I gave him a clear instruction, "If you are discovered, hurry up and get away." I believed that to be the most suitable action for him.
Besides, Haruki's fleet attributes have now been set to "Speed 20," "Defense 60," "Attack 20." This was mainly due to the fact that if Haruhi's fleet gets destroyed, we would lose the battle, so raising her defenses became a priority. Fighting in the front lines, Nagato, Koizumi and my fleets were all given even attributes of "Speed 33", "Defense 33", "Attack 34". It was arranged this way because we had intended for Haruki to stay behind while we buy time for him. But in no time, the situation has now become like what was described in the beginning of this story.
Right now, as I had mentioned to everyone in the beginning, the simulation battle between the Computer Study Group and the SOS Brigade is imminent.
"All right then, I'll retreat to the back first while you take care of the enemy. Mitsuru-kun, let's sit back and watch the show."
"Ah......al...alright then......"
Sitting to my right, Asahina nodded his head obediently, then said in his usual feminine voice which I was strangely allured by,
"Good luck to you, Kyon-chan."
That was really an effective motivational call. If the commanding fleet was the <Mitsuru Fleet>, then I would block all the missiles that came his way, without hesitation. Yet I had to be in charge of protecting that tyrannic despot. If I were a feudal lord with a sizeable military force of my own, I would definitely turn against him, imprison him, and torture him with friendly fire. Sadly, this game doesn't provide a "Mutiny" option. Oh well, I'll just have to do my best and take on the enemy ahead.



1615 hours.
Nagato suddenly began typing fast on the keyboard. He was so fast, it was hard to see with the naked eye, literally. It looked as though He regarded the mouse to be too inconvenient...Almost as if she was some insane pro gamer. I don't know when she began, but Nagato had created her own Macro program for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>, allowing her to command her fleet more directly through the keyboard. Thanks to this, the bravery and tenacity of the <Yuuki Fleet> was certainly an eye-opener. Its ferociousness in battle could probably match that of V***l of the Beastmen Kingdom under Lord G****e's rule. Unfortunately, they were easily defeated by a bunch of undergrounders who had a galaxy-sized weapon. We sure need one of those.
The only fleets engaged in battle for our side were the <Yuuki Fleet>, <Koizumi Fleet> and <Kyon Fleet>. The enemy had four fleets engaging us, save their commanding fleet <Teppelin> (Enemy A) which was hidden. From all the past battles, we have learned one basic lesson: the outcome is usually decided by the numbers of both sides. Being three against four, our chances of uncorking the champagne bottle to celebrate were very slim. Our chances would hardly increase even if we threw Haruki's and Asahina's fleets into the front line. If we did that, it would just make the enemy's work of destroying us all at once much easier.
"The enemy seems to be luring us with a crane wing formation."
Advising Officer Koizumi whispered to me,
"If we chase them, we'll fall right into their trap. I suggest we stay put and concentrate on our defenses, what do you think?"
It's useless telling me, I think it's a good idea, but of course, what matters is Haruki's opinion.
Besides......
I looked over Asahina's shoulders and at Intelligence Officer Nagato's face.
I don't know what the reason was, but Nagato was surprisingly more proactive than usual. His face was as blank as always, yet, since the battle began, his eyes had been fixed on the screen, and the vessels of the <Yuuki Fleet> were already in active battle. What inner emotion of Nagato's had <The Day of Sagittarius 3> triggered?
"Analysis" - Nagato hadn't been lying when he said that. This emotionless alien-created living humanoid interface has now fully understood the Computer Study Group's self-developed game like the back of his hand. He probably knows the game better than its original creators, emergent gameplay. As long as she is here, all computers created by modern Earth civilizations are like antique clocks made before the Industrial Revolution for her, and can be dealt with easily.
Yet, Nagato's pupils have gone from his usual glowless obsidian black to a glittering chromed silver color. I was beginning to miss his old self......But I have to admit, he's the first pro gamer to turn me on like this. Maybe he should stay this way.
Showing an energy never seen before, Nagato continued typing on the keyboard, with swift motions. His eyes were moving around the screen, never stopping once. She had discarded the Graphical User Interface for the game and had opened a small window of her own, where she insanely keyed in her commands nonstop.
"......"
The <Yuki Fleet> moved swiftly, constantly sending out surveillance vessels which worked hard searching for the enemy fleet's position. We now knew that ahead of our empire's fleet lay <Enemy B> and <Enemy C>. Nagato engaged them both on the front line, all on her own. I'd better go and help him, I can't just stay behind and watch.
Just as I was about to move, the <Kyon Fleet> got showered by a rain of lasers from its side.
"What the...!?" I exclaimed.
"Ah...damn! Haha." Koizumi shouted as well.
I looked carefully and noticed that the <Koizumi Fleet> was under heavy bombardment on its port side. <Enemy D> and <Enemy E> had suddenly come out of nowhere and attacked us both left and right. In no time, the vessel count for the <Kyon Fleet> had dramatically decreased.
"What the hell are you doing!?"
Haruki yelled at me using a yellow loudspeaker he seemingly pulled out of nowhere.
"Now go retaliate properly for me! Show them what we've got!"
I'd do that even without your reminding. These guys sure are gaming professionals, to be able to sneak through Nagato's surveillance network, but we can't go on getting beat like this.
I gave the command for the <Kyon Fleet> to change directions. At once the entire fleet turned 90 degrees to the right. Then, when I had locked down the enemy within my shooting range, I fired...... but, just as I tried to do that, <Enemy E> quickly turned around and disappeared into the darkness of space. Now that pissed me off, and I sent out surveillance vessels to scout for his position, but I could not find a single enemy vessel.
"Damn, they got away."
It seems like they have employed a hit-and-run strategy using fleets with high "Speed" attributes. <Enemy D>, which was attacking the port side of the <Koizumi Fleet> also took its cue and disappeared without a trace. Now I get it, Enemies <B> and <C>, which were engaged in battle with the <Yuki Fleet>, were diversions, while their main forces were <D> and <E>. In that case, their commanding fleet, <Enemy A> doesn't even have to fight and can hide safely in the depths of the galaxy. That seems to be their overall strategy.
"Wah~~......I'm getting out of here like you said Kyon!"
Despite his clumsy movements, Asahina had precisely steered his fleet to the corner of the screen. Though he was a bit too far away to be able to provide supplies to our fleet's depleting defenses. Even then, at this rate, our fleet would be wiped out before we would even have to worry about running out of energy and missile supplies. The <Computer Group Federation> had seized the initiative.
From then on, like wild dogs returning constantly to the scent of a sweet bone, <Enemy D> and <Enemy E> continued to harass the <Kyon Fleet> and <Koizumi Fleet> with their hit-and-run tactics. Every time we gave chase, they would release their homing missiles and disappear without a trace. We were currently struggling to deal with these frustrating tactics. Slowly depleting our strength while avoiding a one-on-one showdown is the sort of tactic that Haruki hates most.
On the other hand, fighting on its own, the <Yuuki Fleet> has tactically evaded the wave attacks of <Enemy B> and <Enemy C>, and provided us with some much needed relief. If it hadn't been for his fleet, we would already be floating in the virtual galaxy as space debris. Even if we should lose this battle, he should at least get an award for bravery.
"......"
Nagato didn't even look like she was breathing as she stared into his screen; never once did his hands stop typing on the keyboard. I bet the girls from the Computer Group were looking surprised as well, since I was surprised myself.
Has Nagato been infected with Haruki's unyielding attitude?



1630 hours.
The situation has now gone from bad to worse.
Realizing that the <Yuuki Fleet> wasn't easy to deal with, only <Enemy B> stayed behind to take on Nagato. With the exception of the their commanding fleet <Enemy A>, whose whereabouts were still unknown, the remaining three fleets have now begun a well-timed wave attack on us from our left and right. I was impressed with how well Enemies <C>, <D>, and <E> were coordinated, when <C> was targeted, <D> would come out to attack; and when we gave chase to <D>, <E> would fire its lasers at us. Dealing with their diversionary hide and seek methods, I had the impression I was taking on seasoned professionals and was certainly not enjoying it at all. I really wanted to ask them to not push too far, but when I remembered this battle concerns the fate of a few computers, I sort of sympathized with them.
Yet our situation was not optimistic at all. Like I said before, our chances of losing were near 90%, but I had wanted to lose in blazing glory. At least allow our ships to sink gloriously in the midst of all the glittering explosions. I mean, can't you give us the feeling that "we lost, but that sure was fun, and we did our best"?
But look at this! We're now dying a slow and ignominious death!
"GODDAMMIT! I can't take this any longer!"
I should say this was expected, Haruki now gave his commanding fleet a simple command.
"All fleets full speed ahead! Kyon, get out of my way! I'm going to find their leader and beat the crap out of her before returning victoriously!"
As the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> wanted to speed past the <Kyon Fleet> and <Koizumi Fleet>, we both quickly surrounded her fleet in a fish like formation.
"What are you doing!? Koizumi-chan, are you trying to stop me from destroying the enemy as well? I order you to back off at once, or you'll be relieved of your duty as Advising Officer!"
"I certainly do not intend to get in your way, Commander."
Koizumi may have said that, but she had no intention of giving the command to move his fleet off.
"Commander, please allow us to take charge of this situation. I am willing to risk my virgin body in protecting Your Excellency to the very last moment. As for my punishment, I'll let Your Excellency decide that once the battle is over."
"Uh...Yeah! That's right."
I decided to help Koizumi.
"If you really want to raise our chances of winning, then stay put. Besides, we still haven't found their commanding fleet."
"That's why I have to go search! She should be around here......" He pointed at a spot on his screen, though we of course couldn't see anything from our seats. "......According to my divine prediction, he is here! I'm going to go there in a straight line, and then have a one-on-one battle between us leaders!"
I don't know where he's headed, but I fear that before he gets there, the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> will become like a beehive that gets attacked by a bear before its winter hibernation.
Haruki now clutched his mouse and ordered his fleet to charge forward as though trying to pick a fight with someone.
"That's why staying put isn't going to help a lot! ...What is this!? Well, your <Kyon Fleet> just keeps letting the enemy run away! And your forces are depleting as well! Looks like I need to move out after all!"

I commanded my own fleet and blocked the path of the commanding fleet, Koizumi did the same thing without saying a word. Perhaps realizing the situation we were in, the three <Computer Group Federation> fleets continued their hit-and-run tactics, while Asahina's <Mitsuru Fleet> was now lost in some unknown corner of the galaxy.
"W...where is this place? Oh man~~. I can't even tell left from right anymore......"
Sitting to my right, Asahina continuously looked into his screen and mine. He might as well have been close to tears as he said,
"Where is everybody......"
I'm so sorry. Please just wander wherever you like and continue to be a lost child. It's for your own good. Goddamn cute.
Thanks to the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> getting stuck on the backside of the <Kyon Fleet>, I was unable to move and have basically became a meat shield for Haruhi's fleet. Wave after wave of attack has made my fleet's triangle indicator shrink smaller and smaller.
"Out of my way!"
I couldn't even if I wanted to. The ungrateful <Koizumi Fleet> had already dodged aside before Haruki rammed his fleet into mine, pretending to be busy engaging with <Enemy D>, while leaving the troublesome task of stopping Haruki to me.
I tried my best to move my fleet, which was now merged with the <Grand Emperor Fleet> and clicked my mouse frantically, trying to drag it to a suitable spot on the screen. The ever shrinking triangle representing the <Kyon Fleet> now changed direction at a snail's pace. But as snails move very slowly, my fleet was constantly being locked on to and hit by enemy lasers and missiles.
This is it, we're done for. Make it quick, please.
Even if I had to raise the white flag, I was left with no choice. Please try to understand, our commander was simply too dumb, even if we had a very slim chance of winning. I think I should have deserted him already before the battle began. No matter what the situation, if the leader isn't calm, then there's no way an organization can work efficiently. I may not know the details, but hasn't it always been like that?
As I continued to bicker with Haruki both in the real world and the virtual world, the most far-sighted and calmest member of the SOS-Dan continued to battle on.
......That's what I thought at first.
I later realized that wasn't the case, because the member sitting farthest away on the long table suddenly increased the speed of his fingers, so fast that if I didn't record it with a high-speed camera and play it in super slow motion, it would be nearly impossible to see clearly what was going on.
Being frustrated to the point of losing his cool had always been Haruki's privilege. But this time, this rule may not be entirely accurate.
Right now, the one showing more passion than anyone of us here is none other than the pride of the SOS Brigade, the knowledgeable Intelligence Officer, bookworm and original Literature Club member......
"......"
Nagato Yuuki.



1635 hours.
"EH!?"
An unbelievable scene unfolded before my eyes, and I gave a foolish yell as a result.
"What the hell just happened?"
The visible areas in the map of the <SOS Empire> have now expanded to three times their previous size. The positions of Enemies <C>, <D> and <E>, which kept appearing and disappearing, can now be clearly seen. One of them was on the left wing preparing to fire lasers at Koizumi's fleet; another moved off and turned around again, preparing to make its next attack; while the third one had the immobile <Kyon Fleet> and <Commander Haruhi Fleet> locked in its firing range. As for why the enemies' position could be clearly seen, this was because......
The <Yuuki Fleet> had divided itself into twenty fleets.
"How clever Nagato-kun!"
Koizumi's praises sounded empty to me.
"As expected from Nagato-san to notice this feature. I had thought of using it as well, but as it was too complicated, I gave up before even trying."
"Wait, Koizumi," I said, "Is this feature even in the instruction manual?"
"Hehe...Well of course! It's right at the back. You want me to teach you? First hold down the Ctrl and F4 key, then decide the number of fleets you want your fleet divided into......"
"...Shut up."
I once again examined the screen.
The triangle representing the <Yuuki Fleet> had shrunk dramatically as if being shone on by some strange light. Replacing it were twenty small triangles of equal sizes. I moved my mouse cursor over one of the small triangles, and it indicated the words <Yuuki Subfleet 12>.
Subfleet?
Of the little triangles labeled 01 to 20, some continued to engage themselves with <Enemy B>, some sneaked past the gaps in the enemies' defenses to scout the unknown areas of space, while others either flew around or came to support the struggling <Kyon Fleet>.
"Koizumi, would you please care to explain...Seriously this time?"
"Well......this function allows you to divide a single fleet into two or more subfleets and give them separate commands. The most you can divide into is twenty-seven, if I remember correctly. That's what the instruction manual said."
"What're the advantages in doing that?"
"As you have seen, the area being scouted would increase, it's like having twenty extra pairs of eyes. Besides this feature, another advantage is that by dividing your fleet, you could have one subfleet act as bait while the other can sneak behind and ambush the enemy. But this feature seems to be too complicated, which is why even the Computer Study Group didn't use it."
Koizumi leaned his face towards me and said in a voice which Haruhi couldn't hear,
"This is because these multiple subfleets can only be controlled by one player. Because when you concentrate on one single subfleet, it's not possible to look after the other subfleets, which would basically be immobile puppets. It simply is impossible for a human to command twenty or more subfleets."
I imagined the horrified looking faces of the people next door, and then turned my head sideways.
"Hey, Naga......"
The sound of Nagato hitting the keyboard no longer gave the usual clattering noise, but now sounded like all the keys were being slammed at the same time.
"U...um......won't you break the keyboard if you hit it so hard......?"
Asahina asked looking terrified at Nagato, but Nagato didn't even look at him. His eyes were fixed on the screen, which was no longer showing the game graphics, but a black background with a bunch of letters, numbers and symbols, which reminded me of those BIOS interface screens from the computers of the dinosaur age. What's more, the words and symbols were scrolling by at an incredible speed.
"Something the matter, Kyon?"
Nagato asked me without even turning his head.
"......Um, I......"
"Na, Nagato-kun? May I ask what you're doing right now?"
I now felt an invisible pressure emanating from the aura of Nagato's slamming of the keyboard. Even my mutterings were now becoming polite.
I reconfirmed what I saw on my screen, the twenty <Yuuki Subfleets> were like animated tea leaves being granted with life, toying around with the enemy. There was no problem with the game interface...... no, wait a minute, hadn't I specifically told her not to cheat?
"I didn't do anything against your request."
Nagato said, not needing to hear what I was going to say. For the first time he turned and looked at me, while his hands, amazingly, remained busy as usual.
"I did not perform any data manipulation. I have obeyed the rules of the game as you told me to."
As if afraid of being scanned by Nagato's vision, Asahina inadvertently backed off. Nagato's eyes were now staring straight into mine.
"I did not carry out any actions beyond the limits of this simulation game."
"I...I see. Sorry for doubting you."
I felt a terrible aura now rising from his short hair.
Yet, Nagato's expression and gaze remained the same, not carrying any emotions at all. Normally, he would reply in a calm tone, "I see." And then fall into silence. But this time he gave me an unexpected reply.
A very shocking reply indeed.
"It is the members of the Computer Study Group whose actions could be considered as cheating, not mine."



At the same time, Haruki's fleet broke through the protective barrier of the <Kyon Fleet>.
"Too slow! Why is it so slow? Would it be faster if I poured some mineral water over the computer?"
She may have been complaining, but Haruki couldn't hide his childish excitement at finally being able to move.
I leaned forward over Asahina and quietly asked Nagato,
"What do you mean when you said they're cheating?"
Without stopping her high speed typing, Nagato replied without any emotion,
"They are using commands not present on our computers, giving them an advantage over this virtual galactic battlefield."
"What commands?"
Nagato fell silent for a while, as if trying to reorganize his thoughts and blinked,
"Their reconnaisance mode is turned off."
After saying this, she then explained further in a calm tone.
According to Nagato, the Computer Study Group had set their battle mode with "Reconnaisance Mode Off" at the beginning of the battle, while we had no such option available to us. But I still don't understand what the difference was between "On" and "Off". What does it mean really?
"When recon mode is turned on, the players would have to scout the area ahead on their own. When it's off, they wouldn't need to do any searching. They have nullified it for themselves, rendering it obsolete."
Erm......could you please elaborate further?
"When the mode is off, the fog of war is not implemented."
In other words......
"From the beginning, they could see the whole map of the galaxy, including the location of all of our fleets."
For Nagato, that was the simplest, most straightforward way of explaining it.
"That is not all."
The alien-created living humanoid interface continued without smiling...After he finished,
"So, the vessels of the <Computer Group Federation> even have teleportation devices built into them. No wonder they could disappear at will. The <SOS Empire> is at least 500 years behind them technologically. It's like the samurai infantry of the Sengoku period facing off against the Self-Defense Force artillery. There's just no way of winning.
"That is correct."
Nagato also confirmed what we already knew,
"Besides losing, we didn't have any other choice."
Didn't? Nagato was using past tense. So, what about now? When I was hoping she would change to present tense, I noticed Nagato's obsidian eyes revealing a stirring emotion I had not seen before. I sat back upright and said,
"But Nagato, I still hope to continue playing this game without the use of any alien powers. I know those guys are cheating, but that is also why we mustn't resort to cheating with magic as well, or we would be no different from them. No, we would be worse then they're, since your magic isn't even within the bounds of this Earth."
"I will not go against your instructions."
Nagato replied immediately,
"I was trying to rewrite the program under the boundaries of current Earth technology. I promise you, I will not manipulate any existing data information. I will take measures to counter the Computer Study Group within the limits of human ability. Please allow me to do that."
Are you asking me?
"The one who placed a limit on my data manipulation abilities is you."
......
I've known this guy for nearly half a year already. During this time, I've noticed beneath his emotionless face that he was experiencing some very minor emotional changes - that is if he had any emotions - but I do have a certain degree of confidence in this. At that moment, I saw revealed on Nagato's pale face, in microscopic proportions, a very determined look.
Asahina looked at me, terrified. Koizumi also looked at me, but with a smile of course. Only Haruki was shouting something, firing away her lasers and missiles. At this rate she'll run out of ammo and will be surrounded by enemies. There isn't much time for me to decide.
How should I decide? ......I hesitated for a few seconds, it's rare for Nagato to be so passionate. I think this is the first time I've ever seen him like this. I was considering whether this was a good thing or not. He may be a living humanoid interface created by the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, that resembles a human in every way, but as with the most perfect artificial intelligence, there may come a day where even he would desire to be human himself.
Never once did I believe that this wasn't a good thing.
"Alright, Nagato-kun. Go ahead and do it."
I gave an encouraging smile and slapped my chest to reassure her...Ow...for once I'm greatful to be behind my female peers in growth,
"As long as it's within the confines of human ability, then you're welcome to do whatever you please. Give those dishonorable girls at the Computer Group the scare of their lives. If you can scare them into not daring to ever demand compensation from us again, which is what Haruki would like to see, even better."
Nagato stared at me for quite a long time - at least for me it felt like a long time.
"I see."
A simple response later, Nagato hit the Enter key. Just like that, the tables were instantly turned in our favor.



1647 hours.
The cunning trap has now been laid.
Though the sudden change in situation had me speechless, my level of astonishment was merely that of a rookie Shaolin monk who has just begun his training; it was nothing compared with that of the Computer Study Group, who were probably now in total pandemonium as if Wall Street had just crashed.
This was all thanks to Nagato's cloning techniques. I was really grateful that Nagato was on the same side as I was. I even thought of buying one or two presents to thank our mighty god of war, Nagato. Maybe I'll get him an interesting book next time. Speaking of which, when is his birthday?
No matter, we can discuss those details later. For now let us return to the present situation.
As if the players' fears were being manifested in the virtual world, the enemy fleets on the screen all stopped moving one by one.
It seems Nagato has hacked into the Computer Group's five computers using his notebook computer and directly rewritten the program for <The Day of Sagittarius 3>. Don't ask me how he did it, how should I know? I may not have understood that part, but I was sure what his sole objective was, and that was to forcefully turn on the reconnaisance mode for the enemy as well. As a result, the visible map of the <Computer Group Federation> would have shrunk dramatically, and the shrouded areas on their screen would be increasing as well. Before that, they had had no need to send out any surveillance vessels, and in fact they have never done so, according to our Intelligence Officer.
After locking the enemies' search mode into the "On" position, Nagato went further and rewrote the game's source code and had it locked as well. Now no one else was able to change the code besides himself. However, he didn't delete the teleportation function, but instead made some minor adjustments and executed these changes. This was part of a little plan that Nagato had thought up.
She did all of the above while commanding her twenty subfleets at the same time, and without using any mysterious alien powers to boot. Even within the boundaries of human ability, she was already exceptional.
"Excellent, now comes our chance for retaliation."
Koizumi carried a happy smile and commented on the current situation on the screen,
"Please have a look here, Enemies <C> and <D> have been intercepted by the various <Yuuki Subfleets>, and have lost track of our positions. <Enemy E> is currently engaged in combat with us. As for <Enemy B>, he will soon enter the firing range of the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>."
"Enemy sighted!"
Haruki's excited yell was proof of Koizumi's accurate commentary.
"Muda muda muda muda MUDA MUDA MUDAAA!"
Haruki continued to yell like a maniac, his forehead nearly hitting the screen.
The <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet> has been released from its sealed state and is now firing on all cylinders, releasing all its lasers and missiles and charging towards the enemy. The terrified <Enemy B> quickly turned around and tried to escape, but my <Kyon Fleet> was already waiting for it.
"Oh no you don't!"
I moved my finger and clicked, releasing all the lasers I had at <Enemy B>.
"Damn it Kyon! That's my prey! Back off!"
Attacked from both sides, the fleet size of <Enemy B> was quickly decimated. The indicator for <Enemy B> then made a small buzzing noise and began to blow up like fireworks, marking its farewell from the screen.
Looking for her next prey, Haruhi now moved her mobile weapon discharging fleet to the side of <Enemy E>. Already struggling with Koizumi's fleet, <Enemy E> now had to take on two fleets, and its vessel count decreased dramatically.
Now in a desperate situation, <Enemy E> finally decided to throw all honor out of the window, and for the first time used the hidden command only they know of in front of the <SOS Empire> starfleet.
"Hey! It's disappearing! THOSE COWARDS!"
Haruki shouted, I knew the moment had finally come. Under heavy bombardment from both ends, <Enemy E> began to slowly disappear from its spot.
That was its teleportation function. Though strictly speaking, it should be called something else, since there's no such thing as teleportation in this day and age.
However, they had fallen straight into Nagato's elaborate trap.
"Huh? Something else's coming out this time."
When Haruhi asked that question, I had already stopped what I was doing.
"Haaah?"
Asahina made his cute scream, blinking his eyes and staring at his screen.
"Kyon-chan, what I was controlling, I don't know where it went......"
<Enemy E> wasn't the only one being teleported. With the exception of the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>, which remained in its original spot, all other fleets on both camps have now undergone spatial transportation.
This is because Nagato had rewritten the program, translated as: "Once the Computer Group utilizes the teleport option, then with the exception of the <Grand Emperor Haruki Fleet>, all fleets from both camps will be forcefully teleported. After teleportation, they would appear at their designated spots."
This is called "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." Only that our cheating was much more subtle.
Right now, I guess the chaos in the room next door should be even greater than when their recon mode was forcefully turned on. Because appearing on my screen was the enemy's commanding fleet <Enemy A> (originally called T-E something) making its first ever appearance. I confirmed its location and shrugged my shoulders,
"I guess this is what they call karma."
The Computer Group president's <Enemy A> was now right in front of the <Grand Emperor Haruhi Fleet>. Right behind it was the <Mitsuru Fleet>, which had also been teleported, and was unscathed. Its starboard was now being targeted by the <Koizumi Fleet>, which had been teleported a few inches, targeting its left was now the recombined <Yuki Fleet>, and hanging around nearby was the nearly obsolete <Kyon Fleet>, which had shrunk a lot from its original size. As for the other fleets of the Computer Group, they were now scattered across the four corners of the galaxy. Even if they rushed back at full speed, there was nothing they could do to help.
And so, <Enemy A> was now completely surrounded by the entire fleet of the <SOS Empire> and had no means of escape.
"I don't know what the hell's going on, but......"
Haruki now revealed a very exhilarated look and raised his fist,
"All forces fire at will! PIERCE THE HEAVENS WITH YOUR LASERS!"
Under his energetic command, Haruki, Koizumi, Nagato and I all emptied our fleets' weaponry at the same time. Even Asahina, who shuddered at the cold voice of Nagato going, "Fire," frantically made his first ever attack of the day on the surrounded <Enemy A>.
"I'm so sorry......" Asahina said.
The Computer Study Group president was completely taken by surprise. She probably had wanted to hide in a safe spot to enjoy the show, only to first have everyone's recon mode forcefully turned on, and then get suddenly transported right in the middle of the enemy fleet to die.
"Sigh......"
I quickly withheld the words I was about to say. Koizumi gave me a cheeky smile. I'm going to pretend I didn't see that.
I turned again to my screen, the president's <Enemy A> fleet was now being showered by lasers and missiles, like a capsized turtle struggling to move around. Well......she pretty much deserved it. They were the ones who cheated first. Though later on we cheated even more thanks to Nagato Yuuki, so we weren't qualified to criticize him too much.
Nagato never stopped keying the firing commands into her keyboard. The vessel count of <Enemy A> was decreasing at the same rate as our ammo count. Finally the <Yuuki Fleet> fired a laser beam with an error margin of a few decimal points and decimated the remaining few enemy vessels with perfect precision. That was the last thing the enemy fleet saw before meeting its demise.
A light marching tune began to play, and the flashing words on our screens signaled that the battle had finally ended.
"YOU WIN!"

I think you went overboard with the TTGL, even though it's as awesome as it is.

[Kang Seung Jae]

Originally Posted by Jintor

Sorry kid. I have narrative causality on my side! You can't touch me! Only Kaisos and Rockman can deal damage to me atm.

Go get the Phantom Sword, then we'll talk.

You are not an undesirable element.

[Jintor]

We have to figure out a better name than "Kyon Fleet" and "Nagato Fleet" or whatever. This is fanon! We're more creative than that! Baka-Tsuki might be aiming for accuracy, but let's roll for creativity and readability!

/EDIT W00t, I'm officially not an undesirable element! TAKE THAT CRITICS!

I think this is the most hyper I've been in here. I blame you and that damn Kyonko moe blushing pic you put up, Kang!

[lotus7]

another hosaka crossover, this time with school uniform. all its needs now is the north high thingy on the coat.

[DJ_RockmanX]

Originally Posted by lotus7

another hosaka crossover, this time with school uniform. all its needs now is the north high thingy on the coat.

Oh yeah. I can totally see this guy stripping in a classroom with a bunch of girls watching him, either infatuated or dumbstruck.

[Kang Seung Jae]

Originally Posted by Jintor

/EDIT W00t, I'm officially not an undesirable element! TAKE THAT CRITICS!

I think this is the most hyper I've been in here. I blame you and that damn Kyonko moe blushing pic you put up, Kang!

Excellent.


Then prepare for the comic video translation that I will put up next week. It's golden comedy.

[Jintor]

I accuse Kang of wanting to kill me via moebombs.

Who is this Hosaka fella, anyway?