Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[Satashi]

Random short, for your reading pleasure.

Spoiler for something new? Nanoha's POV:

"I'm sorry, I think we need to break up." The words struck me hard, making my chest tighten and my heart start to ache. "I know you love someone else." The kind, gentle words were spoken to me softly as I hugged against my life long friend. Long blond hair fluttered around us as we hugged, my mind trying to comprehend what was just spoken as I stared into the black fabric pressed against me.

"Wha...?" The word was all I could give, moving back to look at my significant other of the last year. "But...?"

"Nanoha," Again with the smooth, caring words. A slender finger touched my cheek and caressed it. "I can tell. The way you stare, the way you lose your train of thought when thinking... Even Vivio can see it and has seemed to accept it too."

"But... I... I didn't mean to-"

"Shhh, I understand." I was hugged again, and soft hands ran down my hair on my back. "It hurts, yes, but I want you to be happy... I know that I can't make you as happy as that."

"I... I really do love you." I told the truth, but at the same time I knew that it wasn't the same. Friendly love. We have known each other over half our lives now... It was to be expected almost. "I promise I didn't purposely try and hurt you."

"I know." Always so understanding, so caring, so loving. I buried myself into the black shirt and hugged tightly. "I talked about it already, they're waiting for you."

"... Okay." I nodded slightly and pulled back, staring into the eyes of my now ex, but still close friend. "We'll talk more later?"

"Of course,"

I smiled a bittersweet smile, one mixed with joy, confusion, and sadness. As I turned to walk away, I knew that our relationship would always be strong. We were best friends, and would always be there for each other. To make each other happy. As I walked I heard a small sound behind me and I knew they were crying. Although I wanted to run back, I knew that would probably not be the best thing to do right now. I needed to talk to her now. Fate-chan. The one who secretly stole my heart and kept it to herself to make sure she didn't interfere with my relationship...

I am so sad and happy at the same time... I don't know what to think.

[Nina.Wolken]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Random short, for your reading pleasure.

Spoiler for something new? Nanoha's POV:

"I'm sorry, I think we need to break up." The words struck me hard, making my chest tighten and my heart start to ache. "I know you love someone else." The kind, gentle words were spoken to me softly as I hugged against my life long friend. Long blond hair fluttered around us as we hugged, my mind trying to comprehend what was just spoken as I stared into the black fabric pressed against me.

"Wha...?" The word was all I could give, moving back to look at my significant other of the last year. "But...?"

"Nanoha," Again with the smooth, caring words. A slender finger touched my cheek and caressed it. "I can tell. The way you stare, the way you lose your train of thought when thinking... Even Vivio can see it and has seemed to accept it too."

"But... I... I didn't mean to-"

"Shhh, I understand." I was hugged again, and soft hands ran down my hair on my back. "It hurts, yes, but I want you to be happy... I know that I can't make you as happy as that."

"I... I really do love you." I told the truth, but at the same time I knew that it wasn't the same. Friendly love. We have known each other over half our lives now... It was to be expected almost. "I promise I didn't purposely try and hurt you."

"I know." Always so understanding, so caring, so loving. I buried myself into the black shirt and hugged tightly. "I talked about it already, they're waiting for you."

"... Okay." I nodded slightly and pulled back, staring into the eyes of my now ex, but still close friend. "We'll talk more later?"

"Of course,"

I smiled a bittersweet smile, one mixed with joy, confusion, and sadness. As I turned to walk away, I knew that our relationship would always be strong. We were best friends, and would always be there for each other. To make each other happy. As I walked I heard a small sound behind me and I knew they were crying. Although I wanted to run back, I knew that would probably not be the best thing to do right now. I needed to talk to her now. Fate-chan. The one who secretly stole my heart and kept it to herself to make sure she didn't interfere with my relationship...

I am so sad and happy at the same time... I don't know what to think.

Spoiler for ...:

Misleading... >_>... purposely misleading... >_>...
Good one malicious Satashi, you got me : )

[SulliMike23]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Starting at part 1 now, as it's the first part after picking back up. I'm going to do this like I did PS!Vivio, as in quoting my past posts when I add a new one.

Spoiler for Vampire Fate pt. 1:

The dust on the roof of the building I landed on after my three story jump spun away from the impact area. Before it had a chance to settle once more I was already across the site, leaping to a building that was two stories taller. I cleared the jump cleanly and saw Tia grip the side of the fenced off area before kicking up off of it to flip herself up the rest of the way. The girl was good for being so young, and I felt a little bit thankful that she was working along with me at the current moment.

I knew Nanoha was in danger, and from Tia's reaction, so was Subaru. we both ran together and leapt again, falling a good ways before landing and then jumping the rest of the way to the ground. I landed and Tia rolled, springing ahead of me for a moment before we both stopped and stared at an note nailed into a wall of the allyway with a cross.

The paper was void of words, instead it only had two red smears on it. One I could recognize as Nanoha's instantly from the unsettling sickness in my stomach, and the other I had associated with Subaru because it smelt faintly of the girl next to me.

"Bitch!" Tia's swear was loud, ringing out as she ripped the note from the wall. I had only a moment to act, tackling the stupid child to the side as a bright explosion tore the wall apart. Several pellets of metal embedded in the stone behind us and the concrete beneath our bodies.

As I stood up, I glared at Tia and spoke with a small snarl in my voice. "And you called me stupid the first time we met?"

"Stow it, I wanted to get their scent so I could sniff them out."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, if it were that easy I would have never had to make connections to get information." I began to speed walk out of the alley before any police came to investigate the sudden explosion that had caused so much chaos around us.

"Where are you going!?" Tia ran after me. "Do you have any clues? so help me if you hold out-"

I shook my head at her. "First you need to calm down, you won't get anywhere being rash."

"So where?"

"To a night club. I have a feeling someone is waiting for me there."

For any new people, you vote by giving me a large, pink letter for who's POV you want to continue with.
A.) Nanoha
B.) Fate

Fate-chan of course!

[Satashi]

@Nina.Wolken: Use spoilers! T_T

Originally Posted by SulliMike23

Fate-chan of course!

please make your vote large and pink and the letter of the one you're voting for <3

[yuiseppe]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Starting at part 1 now, as it's the first part after picking back up. I'm going to do this like I did PS!Vivio, as in quoting my past posts when I add a new one.

Spoiler for Vampire Fate pt. 1:

The dust on the roof of the building I landed on after my three story jump spun away from the impact area. Before it had a chance to settle once more I was already across the site, leaping to a building that was two stories taller. I cleared the jump cleanly and saw Tia grip the side of the fenced off area before kicking up off of it to flip herself up the rest of the way. The girl was good for being so young, and I felt a little bit thankful that she was working along with me at the current moment.

I knew Nanoha was in danger, and from Tia's reaction, so was Subaru. we both ran together and leapt again, falling a good ways before landing and then jumping the rest of the way to the ground. I landed and Tia rolled, springing ahead of me for a moment before we both stopped and stared at an note nailed into a wall of the allyway with a cross.

The paper was void of words, instead it only had two red smears on it. One I could recognize as Nanoha's instantly from the unsettling sickness in my stomach, and the other I had associated with Subaru because it smelt faintly of the girl next to me.

"Bitch!" Tia's swear was loud, ringing out as she ripped the note from the wall. I had only a moment to act, tackling the stupid child to the side as a bright explosion tore the wall apart. Several pellets of metal embedded in the stone behind us and the concrete beneath our bodies.

As I stood up, I glared at Tia and spoke with a small snarl in my voice. "And you called me stupid the first time we met?"

"Stow it, I wanted to get their scent so I could sniff them out."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, if it were that easy I would have never had to make connections to get information." I began to speed walk out of the alley before any police came to investigate the sudden explosion that had caused so much chaos around us.

"Where are you going!?" Tia ran after me. "Do you have any clues? so help me if you hold out-"

I shook my head at her. "First you need to calm down, you won't get anywhere being rash."

"So where?"

"To a night club. I have a feeling someone is waiting for me there."

For any new people, you vote by giving me a large, pink letter for who's POV you want to continue with.
A.) Nanoha
B.) Fate

Weeeehaaaaaaa

We're BACK!

Just some small things first though:

'allyway' --> 'alleyway'

'The paper was void of words' --> 'the sheet/piece of paper was void of words'

'Several pellets of metal embedded in the stone behind us and the concrete beneath our bodies.' --> '... got/became embedded ...' or '... embedded themselves ...' (point here is that a verb is needed, otherwise the use of 'embedded' is that of an adjective, which leaves the sentence hanging.

And I sure hope the bits of metal got embedded into the concrete beneath them BEFORE they landed there....

Spoiler for the other story:

The one who secretly stole my heart and kept it to herself to make sure she didn't interfere with my relationship...


This sentence is ambiguous - it can mean that Fate was keeping nanoha's heart to herself, which would necessarily interfere with nanoha and ferret boy's relationship and hence be contradictory.

OH oh...A

[DezoPenguin]

@JimmyC: Upon reflection, I've decided that you're right, but I've also decided that the place to mention it is also Chapter 4, when Vivio and her classmate are talking. Since I'd used that scene to introduce the "Vivio gets snarky at being Heika-ed" concept, it makes sense to tag on a "If it bugs you so much, why do you stay at the Saint Church school where you're surrounded by way too many people who do that" comment, which lets Vivio explain, in turn, why she didn't take the obvious route of transferring to a TASB military academy when she's already decided to become a combat mage.

Originally Posted by Satashi

How about a teaser?

Spoiler for Retriever:

Tia grabbed Yuuno by the collar of his shirt and thrust him up against the wall. "Where the hell is she!?"

Yuuno smirked as he stared down at the girl, not seeming to care that his feet weren't touching the ground. Instead of answering her, he allowed Fate to reply on his behalf. "Let him down Tia, if violence worked against him then I wouldn't have spent so much for what I needed."

"The hell I will!" Tia snarled, turning back to Yuuno only to find that her hands were suddenly empty. She blinked once before whipping around to see Yuuno standing in front of Fate. "how the hell!?"

Yuuno pushed up the glasses on his face with one finger, looking at Tia from the corner of his eye. "There are four types of people that make our business work, Tia. Transporters, Retrievers, Thieves, and Contractors. Contractors work with everyone so they are often attacked the most."

"Yuuno is someone who you don't want to be on the wrong side of." Fate spoke calmly before looking at the man again. "Information, Yuuno. I need to find Nanoha."

Tia slammed her fist against the wall, spreading small cracks all along it. "How can you be so damn calm!?"

This looks like an intriguing teaser, but I don't recognize the material the AU is based on. Got to love Badass!Yuuno, though!

Originally Posted by AdmiralTigerclaw

"Where's Nanoha?"

"I'll tell you where she's not..."

"Where?"

"Safe."

Heh. Is that taken from the source-I-don't-know or just a good original line?

Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki

Spoiler for Visitors, pt. 6:

Once the snickering had died down and Jack was discouraged from tossing Daniel over the railing, the group turned back to the training field below.

*snip*

"You make her sound like an artillery unit," remarked Jack.

*snip*

"Where can I get one of those?"

Jack gets all the good lines. Nice reference to A's Ep. 1, too.

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Now then.

My system still isn't up yet, but we got my hardware backed up so I can access my files on my father's computer. As such, I got the chance to finally finish chapter three of Bless the Broken Road.

On the downside, this now means I need to save it on my flashdrive so I can load it onto my computer when the system starts again and keep it up-to-date.

(The repair disc is coming any day now...)

Anyway, I present to you: chapter 3 of Bless the Broken Road!

Spoiler for Bless the Broken Road: From the Picket Fence:

*sniptacular*

Woot! BTBR3 at last! We have Ominous Hints about Elise, and we also have Elise being protective over Nanoha (and an explicit clearing up of what I mistook for a love triangle...though to be fair, I also thought Elise was about 5-7 years younger than she is).

I liked the Blaze/Fury/Glory scene; even if they are just generic bad guys, it's good to give them some character with their evil. If they're not generic bad guys, of course, then it's vital that we the readers get to see more of them that "Hurt! Maim! Kill!" Watching A's with my wife once the DVDs came (my second time through, her first), it was fun watching her go through the "I WANT THOSE WOLKENRITTER DEAD!" stage into being fans of them once we started getting their side of the story.

(On the other hand, I want to take the Lieze twins and subject them to fates that I normally reserve to wish upon international terrorists and the New York Yankees, but I digress).

Fiasse/Miyuki honestly seems kind of random, like a thrown-in subplot. Of course, I haven't seen the OVA, so you may just be following canon there. Still, it reminds me of romance novels in which the author lets the love bug get away from her and starts pairing off the entire supporting cast to each other. You've already got Nanoha/Fate there, and you've already said that the Zarf pairing is tied in with the plot so that makes for a good secondary romance; a tertiary romance seems kind of in the way.

On the subject of "familiar rights," I have a slightly different take than that Vie. While familiars are inherently subservient entities by their very nature, they are full sentients and just because a person is in a subservient position to another doesn't mean that they have a right to be victimized. I compare it to minor children; kids are subject to a lot of legal restrictions by which their parents can control their actions (and are likewise held responsible for their actions), but there are laws in place to protect children's rights as well--and in many countries, those laws do not exist. So "familiar rights" could work as well on that kind of basis.

What I don't see is that Fury's attack would jeopardize "familiar rights." I mean, when a familiar attacks, the usual response isn't "Man, familiars are dangerous; we have to control them" but "Okay, who sent his/her familiar after me and what do they want?" There's an inherent assumption that familiars are doing the work of their masters (one of the bigger surprises of A's, after all, was that the Wolkies were acting on their own; the TSAB all assumed that the minion entities were being, well...minions).

The difference between "strong Nanoha" in Fate's memory and "weak Nanoha" in real life, was, in the dialect of the Internet, "made of pure win." This whole last scene was exceptional, and I look forward to how you work with this matter. Could we be seeing hints of how the emotionally-dependent Fate of A's develops into the equal-partnership Fate of StrikerS?

Spoiler for Technical points:

Isn't Arf a wolf, not a dog? And there are several places where there's no double-space between paragraphs.

Originally Posted by Satashi

Random short, for your reading pleasure.

Spoiler for something new? Nanoha's POV:

"I'm sorry, I think we need to break up." The words struck me hard, making my chest tighten and my heart start to ache. "I know you love someone else." The kind, gentle words were spoken to me softly as I hugged against my life long friend. Long blond hair fluttered around us as we hugged, my mind trying to comprehend what was just spoken as I stared into the black fabric pressed against me.

"Wha...?" The word was all I could give, moving back to look at my significant other of the last year. "But...?"

"Nanoha," Again with the smooth, caring words. A slender finger touched my cheek and caressed it. "I can tell. The way you stare, the way you lose your train of thought when thinking... Even Vivio can see it and has seemed to accept it too."

"But... I... I didn't mean to-"

"Shhh, I understand." I was hugged again, and soft hands ran down my hair on my back. "It hurts, yes, but I want you to be happy... I know that I can't make you as happy as that."

"I... I really do love you." I told the truth, but at the same time I knew that it wasn't the same. Friendly love. We have known each other over half our lives now... It was to be expected almost. "I promise I didn't purposely try and hurt you."

"I know." Always so understanding, so caring, so loving. I buried myself into the black shirt and hugged tightly. "I talked about it already, they're waiting for you."

"... Okay." I nodded slightly and pulled back, staring into the eyes of my now ex, but still close friend. "We'll talk more later?"

"Of course,"

I smiled a bittersweet smile, one mixed with joy, confusion, and sadness. As I turned to walk away, I knew that our relationship would always be strong. We were best friends, and would always be there for each other. To make each other happy. As I walked I heard a small sound behind me and I knew they were crying. Although I wanted to run back, I knew that would probably not be the best thing to do right now. I needed to talk to her now. Fate-chan. The one who secretly stole my heart and kept it to herself to make sure she didn't interfere with my relationship...

I am so sad and happy at the same time... I don't know what to think.

Interesting end. Though it's gotten to the point where with Nanoha's significant others I never make assumptions until I get a name. Actually, I actively assume that if I don't get a name in the first paragraph that the reader is being set up for a twist ending. I was half expecting through the first half of the story that she was talking to Arisa about something having nothing to do with romance.

Come to think of it, she might have been talking to Arisa. There's been no gender pronoun used, not even...

Spoiler for Um...it's a spoiler?:

...when it's revealed that it's not Fate.

Oh, and B. Let's stick with the rescuers for a while before we see what N&S need to be rescued from.

[NorthernFallout]

Longest writing in one sitting I've done...and 1.5k is much for being ME. Part 3 of DRG is done, answers some questions, raises some more.

Dimensional Reminiscing: Revelations
From the void of space we come, to the void of space we shall return.

Spoiler for Part 3:

Walking through the metallic and clean corridors of the Alpakura, Nanoha was on her way to the bridge after an interruption in her messaging session. She had been in the process of sending an update to her daughter back home on Mid-Childa, when she had been interrupted by another message breaking through. It had come from the bridge, hinting about some curious anomaly in their current route and that they needed her consultation.

As she currently was the highest ranking non-crew member and an essential part of the Diplomacy Team, sent out on an errand from High Command, she had certain supervision that the officers could not ignore.

She met up with a junior officer of the crew at the mess hall. Not looking older than twenty, his uniform conveyed a rather nervous person underneath, as if it was his first real voyage.

"We have some rather disturbing news I'm afraid," he said and summoned a panel in front of him. "Fifteen minutes ago we noticed an object, a few thousand kilometers in front of us. Our radar tells us it's not more than a few meters across, but we haven't gotten a clear look yet."

Nanoha studied the values and different parameters showing up on the screen. They didn't tell her anything other than what the officer hadalrady told her, but she felt in her stomach that something was amiss.

"Certainly looks strange, especially since it wasn't there before. I am wondering though, why am I needed on the bridge? I don't have any real experience of anomalies outside of a ship."

"It's not the object itself we want your opinion on, it's the energy surrounding it. We don't know what it is, so we thought that you might have any suggestion. I don't know the details, but the output of whatever it is negatively affect the space around it," he said and checked the time. "We better get moving, the captain expects us in a few minutes. You'll get the rest of the info there."

They proceeded past the mess hall and took a right. Another corridor appeared before them, but at the end there was an elevator waiting, leading to the bridge.
They entered it and the officer pushed one of the buttons beside the door. The elevator chimed and closed the doors.

After a few seconds they opened again and its two occupants entered the bridge that was full of activity.
Scanners, monitors and processors were running diagnostics, showing the results in rapid succession. The crew maintaining them had a tough time keeping up, not being able to process the information pouring through at an insane speed.
The junior officer next to Nanoha went up to the captain sitting in his chair located in the middle of it the bridge. They exchanged a few words and he turned around, acknowledging Nanoha's presence. He waved her forward and told the junior officer to return to his duties.

"Miss Takamachi, glad you're here. Could really use your input," he said in a strained voice and made some keystrokes on the pad beside him. He was a middle aged man and a quite unknown person within theTSAB, having only been a captain for less than a year.
The mission he undertook at this momenthad not been deemed risky and he had therefore been assigned to it, giving him the chance to acquire more experience.

"So I heard, but from what I understand we don't have a visual yet, correct?" she asked.

"In a few moments, we will," he said and turned to his adjutant standing next to his control pad. "Tell the surveyors to bring the image online."

"Captain," she said and nudged her officer's hat. She headed towards some other crew members and told them something.

"Miss Takamachi, the object we have detected is of a rather interesting nature," he said and placed his hands in his lap, focusing on her. "It's four to five meters in diameter and a few centimeters thick. It's in the shape of a four-edged star. Nothing else is in its vicinity."

"Star shaped?" Nanoha asked, intrigued.

"Yes, but that's not what's interesting. What is our focus at the moment is the energy it produces. I don't know what it is, but it's quite low on the scale, nothing dangerous.
However, it looks like this energy, no matter how small, acts like a very weak black hole. It bends space itself. Not as much as to be a threat, but a nuisance at least."

"How far are we from it?"

He checked the readouts on his pad.

"One-thousand kilometers and closing. We have decided to investigate it from seven-hundred meters."

Nanoha looked at the screen and then back at the captain.

"Isn't that a bit irresponsible? We have orders to return, nothing else."

"Yes, but I think this is worth investigating. We've have never seen anything like it." He lent forward towards Nanoha. "And do bear in mind, that you might have supervision on this mission, but I am the captain of this ship. I make the calls around here."

Nanoha decided to not push the issue any further.

"All right. It's your call. I'm still against it though."

"Noted."

He returned to his original position and was just about to give the order to increase speed when one of the surveyors detected something.

"Captain! We are reading a substantial increase in energy output from the object. Its pull is getting stronger."

"Decrease speed and observe from a safe distance."

"Yes Captain."

As soon as the order had been given, the Alpakura began to slow down, its thrusters in reverse. The distance counter slowly began to slow down, while the energy output from the object stopped rising.

"Captain, I really suggest we return to our original mission. We can always return later," Nanoha said and looked him in the eyes.

He avoided her piercing looks and instead turned to the pad.

"Set our distance to nine-hundred meters and continue to observe the object."

"Captain," the officer who observed the energy levels said, "the output is increasing again. A five-hundred meter wide area around the object are now dangerous to approach."

"Noted. Keep observing."

The officer nodded and returned to his command board. Not any sooner had he done that when he turned around again.

"Captain, the energy made another spike! The dangerous area is approaching, fast."

"Turn around and put some distance between us and the object. Full speed," the captain said, letting some of his worry leak through.

The officer did as he said and entered the commands. Nothing happened and he did it again.

"What are you doing? Turn around now!"

"I can't, anything I do don't have an effect. The engine are reporting an increase in power but we are not moving."

"Captain," Nanoha said warily.

"What is it?"

"The object. Look," she said and pointed towards the large screen.

The live feed was now online, thanks to probes and processing enhancements. What they saw wasn't what they had expected. Lightning had begun to appear around the object, sparkling in short bursts, lightening up the dark space around it.

"Captain! The distance are decreasing, we can't do anything to get away."

"Did you say the object worked like a small black hole?" Nanoha asked.

"Yes," the captain stuttered forth, still looking at the screen.

"Then that thing is pulling us in. This is not a natural phenomena."

Something became visible behind the object, a tear in space. Red light began to leak through, lightning bursting out. The energy output increased even more until the computers no longer could measure it.

Nanoha brought up her personal com panel, ignoring all protocols, and accessed her last message, which she had not yet sent. She added a few words to it and finished with a name that had popped up in her head. A name that rung with a negative sound.

She sent it and closed the window. On the screen, the tear had grown larger as they had approached and the chaos surrounding it became more intense. They had to look away from the screen has the light started to blind them, its short but intense bursts burning on their retinas.

---




The view from outside was something no human in the surrounding area could see. However, from the viewpoint of the nearest planet, an administered world inhabited by a very primary lifeform, the show of the century went on.

Space had begun to live, extreme amounts of energy pouring out from the tear. Red, yellow and a varying amounts of color filled the sky from the planets surface. The Alpakura being only a small dot in the sky, black towards the massive tear. Slowly it moved towards it until the spacecraft began to twist, bending itself around its axis. It stretched out, extending itself several times its own lenght.
Finally, it disappeared, finishing its departure with a massive explosion that threw space dust and red light out into space. From the surface of the planet, the sky was now red, sparkling white dots filling its view. The tear closed itself fast and disappeared into the emptiness.
For years to come, the red light and strange material would travel a long way and occupy numerous skies in known space.

And so, The Void of Maelstrom, as named by Miss Takamachi, the most complicated and advanced technology of the Biscante civilization, had completed its fifteenth cycle.

[Seraph42]

Originally Posted by Satashi

Starting at part 1 now, as it's the first part after picking back up. I'm going to do this like I did PS!Vivio, as in quoting my past posts when I add a new one.

Spoiler for Vampire Fate pt. 1:

The dust on the roof of the building I landed on after my three story jump spun away from the impact area. Before it had a chance to settle once more I was already across the site, leaping to a building that was two stories taller. I cleared the jump cleanly and saw Tia grip the side of the fenced off area before kicking up off of it to flip herself up the rest of the way. The girl was good for being so young, and I felt a little bit thankful that she was working along with me at the current moment.

I knew Nanoha was in danger, and from Tia's reaction, so was Subaru. we both ran together and leapt again, falling a good ways before landing and then jumping the rest of the way to the ground. I landed and Tia rolled, springing ahead of me for a moment before we both stopped and stared at an note nailed into a wall of the allyway with a cross.

The paper was void of words, instead it only had two red smears on it. One I could recognize as Nanoha's instantly from the unsettling sickness in my stomach, and the other I had associated with Subaru because it smelt faintly of the girl next to me.

"Bitch!" Tia's swear was loud, ringing out as she ripped the note from the wall. I had only a moment to act, tackling the stupid child to the side as a bright explosion tore the wall apart. Several pellets of metal embedded in the stone behind us and the concrete beneath our bodies.

As I stood up, I glared at Tia and spoke with a small snarl in my voice. "And you called me stupid the first time we met?"

"Stow it, I wanted to get their scent so I could sniff them out."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, if it were that easy I would have never had to make connections to get information." I began to speed walk out of the alley before any police came to investigate the sudden explosion that had caused so much chaos around us.

"Where are you going!?" Tia ran after me. "Do you have any clues? so help me if you hold out-"

I shook my head at her. "First you need to calm down, you won't get anywhere being rash."

"So where?"

"To a night club. I have a feeling someone is waiting for me there."

For any new people, you vote by giving me a large, pink letter for who's POV you want to continue with.
A.) Nanoha
B.) Fate

Do my eyes deceive me Is V!F really back
YAY!!! It is!!!

Oh and B please

[SulliMike23]

Originally Posted by Satashi

@Nina.Wolken: Use spoilers! T_T



please make your vote large and pink and the letter of the one you're voting for <3

Okay. B That better?

[Jimmy C]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

@JimmyC: Upon reflection, I've decided that you're right, but I've also decided that the place to mention it is also Chapter 4, when Vivio and her classmate are talking.

Sounds like an excellent choice, I'll be looking forward to seeing it. Still need to revise Fate's line in ch7 slightly, I think.

On another matter, why does almost everyone who uses Vivio as a combat mage think 16 is a good age for her to start? In your own fic, she's still in training (though you did put her in the field once at 12, has she been outside more since then?) In Allquall's she's got her first posting, and in Satashi's Synergy, she just entered the academy. There were two or three others too, all with her at 16 in similar stages.
Compare that to every other mage in the series. The Aces went from working part time to full time with the Bureau at 16. Erio was a Private and Caro was working at the Nature Reserve at 10. Subaru and Tea were in RF6 by 16, after being on duty for 2 years. Having Vivio start out at 16 is slow compared to their pace and actually requires an explaination instead of being treated as "normal."
There's only one fic I can remember that has Vivio with a career pace similar to the rest of the cast. Magical Girl Lyrical Vivio with Vivio undertaking her first solo mission as an Enforcer at 12.

[MeisterBabylon]

And in every unwritten fic in my head, too. In Magical Lyrical BetrayerS the doujin, she is crowned King at 6.

Vivio's anything but normal. She's the prophesized one who would bring balance to the Force after all!

[Seraph42]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

And in every unwritten fic in my head, too. In Magical Lyrical BetrayerS the doujin, she is crowned King at 6.

Vivio's anything but normal. She's the prophesized one who would bring balance to the Force after all!

so are we going to add DARTH in front of her name now

[MeisterBabylon]

"Search your feelings, you know its true..."



In all due seriousness though, that last statement was just metaphorical.

[Nya~n]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

She's the prophesized one who would bring balance to the Force after all!

I can see it now. Darth Vivio, Dark Lord of Belka.

[Seraph42]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

"Search your feelings, you know its true..."



In all due seriousness though, that last statement was just metaphorical.

I know, but the mental Image just popped in my head

Both as Darth Vader and Darth Maul
... and now the Emperor

Originally Posted by Nya~n

I can see it now. Darth Vivio, Dark Lord of Belka.

But what would Syn be...

[MeisterBabylon]

Darth Saber, or what was once Vivio Takamachi, liege to the Darth Sidious, Empress Hayate, of the Imperial Lesbian Army~~~

Isn't that you guys are so fond of? ( XD )

Syn would be Obi-Wan! XD

Syn: "I loved you, Vivio! You were my sister!!!"

...deshou?

[AdmiralTigerclaw]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

Darth Saber, or what was once Vivio Takamachi, liege to the Darth Sidious, Empress Hayate, of the Imperial Lesbian Army~~~

Isn't that you guys are so fond of? ( XD )

Syn would be Obi-Wan! XD

Syn: "I loved you, Vivio! You were my sister!!!"

...deshou?

Stand by...

Breaker coming down in...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

Spoiler for DELIVERING ORDINANCE:

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon

Darth Saber, or what was once Vivio Takamachi, liege to the Darth Sidious, Empress Hayate, of the Imperial Lesbian Army~~~

Isn't that you guys are so fond of? ( XD )

Syn would be Obi-Wan! XD

Syn: "I loved you, Vivio! You were my sister!!!"

...deshou?

No way.....

....
...
..
.
Zaffy is Obi-wan get it right

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper

Although that was probably not the intention, I began laughing when the mayor just decided to pray for his life. It was probably knowing that it wouldn't make a difference. His death didn't come as a surprise at all. Seeing Vivio was surprising as she manages to actually look older than the usual Vivio we see. I always forget this takes place 10 years after VK1 and people usually age in 10 years.

I don't get one thing: "the sound broke all the windows on the place, I fell covering my eyes, the sound was horrible." Vivio is covering her eyes from sound? I realize the second time that she was covering her eyes from the broken window pieces, but the mention afterwards that the sound is horrible makes it peculiar that she doesn't cover her ears as first instinct. Or even better - attempt to cover her whole head.

Also:

Spoiler for chapter 3 typos:

Chapter:
against -> towards (not exactly a mistake, but it would me more logical to shoot towards the Banshee)
dodge -> dodged
WHY YOU HAVE COME?!!! -> WHY HAVE YOU COME?!!!
gonna shot -> going to shoot
merely -> barely
to me -> me
tom -> to
throw -> thrown
inn -> in
on -> in
Axe -> axe
through -> through
from which -> through which
Axe -> axe
look -> I looked
I made -> I had made
worked -> worked out
trough -> through
at all -> in all
loose -> lost
couldn't do nothing -> couldn't do anything OR could do nothing
loose -> lost
who -> that
in the way -> on the way
go -> went
in -> on

Event:
take -> taken
take -> taken
merceful -> merciful

Scroll:
monstruos -> monstrous
the human kind -> humankind
been -> being
descomunal -> ??
mean -> means
strenght -> strength
bone -> bones

There's less and less errors with each chapter. And some of these were plain old keyboarding mistakes. Also, something that I noticed: There's quite a lot of sentences that are very... long and with lots of commas, that just never end. I think it might help the flow to shorten some of them.

Gott it, I fixed chapter 1, I still need to correct the event and the Bag's scroll tough

And... ups... I was trying to say "ears" Sorry, I don't know in what I was thinking O.o

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Spoiler for KOTR 23:

Knights of the Reich Season 2: Chapter 23
It has been nearly 11 months since the Nuclear Armageddon. We have fought on Mid-Childa for a very long time…losing 90%, winning 10%. Those sly anarchists, they made friends with a dangerous former prisoner called Jail Scaglietti. He and his henchwoman Due are on the top of our priority list, meaning that they must be killed if seen. For 11 months, we and our Mid-Childan allies have gone underground as the Mid-Childan surface became nothing but a desolate wasteland, its beauty marred by the destruction of nuclear bombs launched by our own men who defected to the enemy. Unable to receive help from Earth or other Mid-Childan worlds, we are on our own and we only number by the million, excluding civilians. Our equipments, all worth more than a billion dollars, gone. We were forced to fight with nothing but custom made weapons. It isn’t much but we still manage to survive quite well. Civilians provided us food while we provided defense.

December 4th 2023, the coalition army was fighting in the ruins of what used to be Cranagan in an attempt to retrieve items that are still usable. The sky was snowing and there had been no sunlight since the bombs dropped. Units in heavily armored suits took cover as they fought in a post-apocalyptic world against the anarchists, who until now have been the victors over the coalition army. One of the units moved faster than the others. That unit fought with great agility and with one look, you could tell it is a Mid-Childan fighter because the unit used a lyrical device to fight. By noon, the fighting stopped as the anarchists beat a retreat. “Okay, that’s a wrap. Search around for anything we can use,” the leader ordered. Everyone nodded and got to work.

The leader lifted her helmet’s visor and it turned out to be Nanoha, all battle-hardened after so many months of fighting with the anarchists. She wasn’t like what she used to be before. She now relies on tactics and strategic advantages to change the outcome of battle. After Nanoha realized that there is no way to win by using brute force and straightforward attacks, she learned the Terran way of tactical battles. It proved to be useful and she improved overtime along with few other notable characters like Fate, Teana and so on. The only ones missing are Lutecia, Caro, Erio, Hayate, Lance, Subaru and Ginga. Nanoha wanted to believe they are alive but for many months already, there were no signs of them. As for the giant robot everyone fought before the bombs fell, it was destroyed but the cockpits survived, meaning that Vivio, Vita and Karyl were rescued after the explosions ceded.

“This is Colonel Nanoha to Outpost-4, do you hear me?” Nanoha spoke through a COMM. “I hear you loud and clear, Nanoha. What have you got for us?” a man’s voice responded. “We found more usable weapons and some scrap metal. Nothing much today,” Nanoha said casually. There was long silence before the operator spoke again. “The usual eh. Okay, I think that should be enough. We don’t want to risk anymore units so return in 5 minutes time. Oh, one more thing ma’am, Brigadier General Yukihara wants to see you once you return. She said it is important,” the operator said before closing the COMM channel. Nanoha looked around and let out a sigh. She shut the helmet visor over her face and returned to work.

Back at an underground military base, the Terrans were constructing battle tanks for their next raid. Without other expertise from Earth, building a good tank wasn’t as easy as anyone think. Mid-Childan tanks were weaker than Terran tanks so there is no point asking help from them. “Um, how do we fit reactive armor on them again?” one engineer asked. His friend shrugged and scratched his head. “I’m not sure how to put it on as well. If only I brought my wife along. She’s the head engineer in the tank production plant,” the latter said. “No kidding,” the first one said again and went back to welding the metal parts. He worked with the metal parts until the tank’s engine exploded. The first engineer threw his welder down in anger. “That is the 5th time that engine exploded! Who’s idea was it to use derelict engines?!” he ranted. At the same time, Fate came into the garage to check on things. “The engine exploded again?” she asked. “Obviously. I have spent hours fixing that damn thing and still it exploded. If we can find an intact tank on the surface, maybe we could replicate the engine. Custom made engines are nothing but exploding boxes,” the engineer said.

Fate inspected the engine and nodded. She contacted Nanoha. “Nanoha, the Terran engineers need an intact engine from any tank that survived the nuclear fall. Do you have any?” Fate asked. “You’re in luck, Fate. My men found two engines intact. We’ll bring it to you when we are done scavenging,” Nanoha said. The engineer gave a sigh of relief. “At last, a functioning engine to work on,” he said. Fate smiled and sat on a bench. “We’re lucky to survive the Nuclear Armageddon. It is good if we have to start from scratch, at least we know where our potentials are,” she said to the two. The two looked at her with dumbfounded expressions. “I dunno what you mean by that, ma’am,” the second engineer said. There was the sound of alarms and the garage ceiling opened. In came Nanoha and her team, their hands full of items, including a refrigerator.

“I really love the Terran power armor, it enhances our strength by the factor of 2,” one mage said. “Fate, look what I found in the ruins of Cranagan,” Nanoha said. She handed Fate the picture of her biological mother along with her original self, Alicia. It was stained with dirt but Fate could see well enough. “Thank you, Nanoha. Its memories are painful but they are what I have to remind me that I have a purpose in life,” Fate said with tears in her eyes. “Glad I could help in some way, Fate. Now would you excuse me, Yukihara is looking for me,” Nanoha said. She stripped away her armor and revealed her original Barrier Jacket. Nanoha exited the garage.

“As of 10 minutes ago, we received a distress signal coming from the excavation site where Angel Heart was buried. Our operators concluded that survivors are in that cave and we need to get them out as soon as possible. Nanoha, you have the job of retrieving them since I trust you know better than any of our incompetent leaders here on what to do,” Brigadier General Yukihara said in full authority. “What do you mean by incompetent? You chose Nanoha because you favored her as a more experience commander after most of our high rankers gone missing prior to the Nuclear Armageddon,” a dissatisfied commander complained. Yukihara stared at him with such a cold look that he dared say nothing after that. “If you have any objections, prove to me that you are better than Nanoha and I shall consider,” she said. “Ma’am, don’t be cold on them. Some may have better skills than me and I suggest that you give them roles to play,” Nanoha said kindly. Yukihara stared at her for a while and nodded. “Very well, I’ll do that. Anyway, the rest of you disperse except for you, Nanoha. I want to talk to you in private,” she said.

After the room was cleared, Yukihara beckoned Nanoha to sit beside her on the sofa. “Nanoha, you have grown strong over the months and you are the only competent one here. If you encourage those fools, they’ll be nothing but trouble,” Yukihara said. “Ma’am, encouragement is what they need. I don’t blame them for being demoralized, especially after the Nuclear Armageddon. We are running out of options and I know the others are aware about it,” Nanoha said. “If that is so, can I appoint you to another important post?” Yukihara asked. Nanoha nodded. “I want you to be the leader to all the commanders. I hope that under your guidance, they may improve. Can you do that for me?” the Brigadier General asked. Nanoha stood up and saluted with a sweet smile she usually has on her face. “You can count on me, ma’am,” she replied. At the preparation room, she had some time to eat before going out. Yuuno, who has no job to do but to take care of Vivio, came to the room to hand Nanoha some food. “Going out for another run?” Yuuno asked. “Yes but it may take some time,” Nanoha said as she put on her boots. “You know, I hate it when they treat you like some kind of tool. You’ve been overworking and I’m worried that you might fall sick,” Yuuno said.

“I’ll be fine, Yuuno. Believe it,” Nanoha said and gave Yuuno a wink.

Thinks don't look very well after the Armageddon, I can't imagine how many people died... at least Vita's okay

Originally Posted by Satashi

Starting at part 1 now, as it's the first part after picking back up. I'm going to do this like I did PS!Vivio, as in quoting my past posts when I add a new one.

Spoiler for Vampire Fate pt. 1:

The dust on the roof of the building I landed on after my three story jump spun away from the impact area. Before it had a chance to settle once more I was already across the site, leaping to a building that was two stories taller. I cleared the jump cleanly and saw Tia grip the side of the fenced off area before kicking up off of it to flip herself up the rest of the way. The girl was good for being so young, and I felt a little bit thankful that she was working along with me at the current moment.

I knew Nanoha was in danger, and from Tia's reaction, so was Subaru. we both ran together and leapt again, falling a good ways before landing and then jumping the rest of the way to the ground. I landed and Tia rolled, springing ahead of me for a moment before we both stopped and stared at an note nailed into a wall of the allyway with a cross.

The paper was void of words, instead it only had two red smears on it. One I could recognize as Nanoha's instantly from the unsettling sickness in my stomach, and the other I had associated with Subaru because it smelt faintly of the girl next to me.

"Bitch!" Tia's swear was loud, ringing out as she ripped the note from the wall. I had only a moment to act, tackling the stupid child to the side as a bright explosion tore the wall apart. Several pellets of metal embedded in the stone behind us and the concrete beneath our bodies.

As I stood up, I glared at Tia and spoke with a small snarl in my voice. "And you called me stupid the first time we met?"

"Stow it, I wanted to get their scent so I could sniff them out."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, if it were that easy I would have never had to make connections to get information." I began to speed walk out of the alley before any police came to investigate the sudden explosion that had caused so much chaos around us.

"Where are you going!?" Tia ran after me. "Do you have any clues? so help me if you hold out-"

I shook my head at her. "First you need to calm down, you won't get anywhere being rash."

"So where?"

"To a night club. I have a feeling someone is waiting for me there."

For any new people, you vote by giving me a large, pink letter for who's POV you want to continue with.
A.) Nanoha
B.) Fate

Good to see thath Vampire Fate is running again, the chapter is a bit short tough and don't say much

I pic A I'd like to know what's going on with Nanoha

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

No way.....

....
...
..
.
Zaffy is Obi-wan get it right

I though that Zaffy was Chewbaka

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Grammar Question: I have 2 grammar questions this time

1) Exactly in wich time or situation you use "in" or "on"?

2) The female of Sorcerer is Sorceress, right?

Thanks

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

I tough that Zaffy was Chewbaka

Grammar Question: I have 2 grammar questions this time

1) Exactly in wich time or situation you use "in" or "on"?

2) The female of Sorcerer is Sorceress, right?

Thanks

Zaffy is chewbaka in the SW we talked earlier in the thread. He's Obi-wan in this one and you're missing a T in thought

1) missing and h in Which.
You use In when something is going inside of something (EX: He went in the house)
On is when something is going on something (EX: He stood on the roof. He put the pin on his chest)

My explanations may be vague but that's because these are really basic English words that are hard for me to explain.
2) yes